Chapter 17
Vi walked along the dark path, pulling her jacket tighter around her body. The weather was changing, darkness came sooner, as the air became colder. She stood under a streetlamp, as cars passed, a letter clutched in each hand. She quickly crossed the street, walking under the large Diner sign.
The smell of homecooked meals could be smelled as patrons exited the small Diner. Vi folded both letters up before stuffing them in her back pocket and entering the small establishment. She looked around, before eyeing the familiar figure that sat waiting for her in a booth towards the back. She slowly made her way back, dodging waiters as she did. When she finally made it to her destination, she dropped herself in the booth with a thud.
"Took you long enough."
"Sorry." Vi said as she grabbed for a menu, the plastic feeling sticky under her fingers. "Why did you pick this place anyway?"
"What can I say, I like the pie." Viktor said, just as a young hansom waiter came to drop two glasses of water down on their table.
"Yeah sure, the Pie." Vi said, as she tried not to laugh at Viktor staring at the young waiter as he walked away.
"Oh, shut up." Viktor said, as he pulled his menu in front of his face, trying to hide the blush that crept up.
Vi looked at her friend sitting across from her. It was hard to believe she was sitting here with someone who only months ago she would have considered an enemy. She couldn't believe how much things had changed in just a short time. She couldn't help but reflect on the past 95 days to be exact. Because that is how long it had been since she had seen Caitlyn Kiramman, and as much as she hated to admit it, she still missed her like it was yesterday.
"You still haven't sent a letter, have you?" Viktor said, pulling Vi from her thoughts.
"It's not that easy."
"Not that easy?" Viktor said, placing his menu down, and sitting up straighter. "That poor girl has sent you 2 letters a week since she left, and you haven't sent her one."
"I know." Vi replied, adjusting herself in the booth, feeling anxious and frustrated. "What exactly am I supposed to say?"
"I don't know, maybe that you miss her too, that you still love her, still think about her every night." He said as he took a sip from his water.
"You act like its so easy. I'm just trying to let her move on. Hoping she can forget me and find some sort of happiness out there."
"Do you really think that you are doing her a favor by never writing her back? Do you think you aren't breaking her heart everyday she goes to an empty mailbox?"
"Fuck you." Vi says, just as the waiter cleared his throat, ready to take their orders.
After ordering a nice cheap steak, that Vi knows will be overcooked, and tougher to eat than jerky, she slouches back in her seat, knowing Viktor has a point. She never wanted to hurt Caitlyn, never wanted her to feel heartbreak, but what else was she supposed to do? Give the poor girl a false sense of hope? Pretend everything was going to work out? Pretend two lesbians in 1959 could have a long-distance relationship?
Just then the bell on the Diner door dinged. She watched as Viktor's face went pale white. She turned to look over her shoulder to see Jayce walking through the door with a beautiful blonde woman on his arm. "You wanna leave?"
"No, I'm fine."
But Vi knew deep down he wasn't fine. In fact, he hadn't been fine for a long time. Shortly after Caitlyn left for England, Viktor had been coming back home every weekend from college. He would often seek Vi out, at first making the excuse that he just wanted to reconnect with an old friend, but soon Vi realized, after reading about the Engagement of the Police Commissioner's son, to none other than the Governor's daughter in the local paper, that he was seeking out the only other person who might know what he was going through.
"Coward." Vi said as she watched Jayce and his Fiancé being sat at the opposite side of the restaurant.
"Coward?" Viktor asked confused.
"Yeah, don't you hate him? Don't you find him to be a coward, and a fraud?"
"No." Viktor said softly. "In fact, I envy his courage."
"Courage?" Vi said, practically knocking over her water.
"Yes, I can't imagine it's easy for him living a lie. Being something you're not just to please others. He will have to lie to himself, and his future family everyday just to please his father, and to me that takes courage."
Vi looked at Viktor, confused, and slightly frustrated. "But he's lying. He's acting like he is in love with her, happy with her."
"Do you plan on marrying a man? Having his children? Being his happy homemaker?"
"Hell no."
"Why not? Is it not what society expects of you?" Viktor asked calmly.
"Well sure, but I can't, I won't."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want it. I couldn't pretend to be happy with a man, when I know it would be a lie."
"What if your family told you, you had to?"
"They wouldn't, and even if they did, I wouldn't listen to them."
"You sure?" Viktor asked with a knowing smile. "You dropped out of high school, got a job, played house at the age of 16 for your family. I don't think there is anything you wouldn't do for them. And Jayce, he is no different. Sure, the circumstances are different. But how do you think it would look if the police commissioner's son came out as gay. His father would be humiliated, probably lose his job, everything he has worked for. We all make sacrifices for our families. Some are just harder than others."
Vi looked at Viktor, trying to understand what he was saying. Trying to see Jayce in a different light.
"So, you see, by not sending a letter back to that young woman, you are always pining after, you are not doing her any favors."
"What does Jayce getting engaged, have to do with me writing Caitlyn back?" Vi asked confused.
"Because you said you want her to move on, to be happy, but what does that look like for her? Marrying a man that she will not love? Baring his children? Lying to herself every day? What do you think it easier, choosing to be alone, or living for society?"
Vi looked at him, letting his words sink in. She thought she was doing Caitlyn a favor by not writing her back. By allowing her to move on, hopefully find happiness. But Viktor was right. Living a whole life that was a lie had to be harder than hiding your true love for someone, even if they were thousands of miles apart. She knew she couldn't do this anymore, couldn't keep ignoring Caitlyn, no matter how much it hurt to not know what the future held.
"Ugh, Ill be right back." Vi groaned, as she pulled herself up from her booth, and made her way out of the Diner.
Once outside, she ran across the empty street. She stood in front of the large blue mailbox, that sat on the corner. She pulled both letters out of her back pocket, her fingers trailing over the names. Caitlyn Kiramman, on the first, and Claggor on the second. The last few days with them both flooded her memories.
Vi woke up, her heart beating fast, as she realized she only had 2 more days with Caitlyn. After her talk with Vander a few nights ago, about him ready to take care of his health, and do what he could to help take care of this family, it didn't exactly leave her feeling like she could quit her job, but she did feel a little better about their future as a family, and therefore could focus on the next week with Caitlyn a little easier. She knew Caitlyn would be busy all morning helping her family pack, which meant she would head out, hoping for some more work from her neighbors to help with her week of lost wages. She knew she wouldn't make up enough to cover the loss, but she had to do what she could. Plus, she was not one to just enjoy sitting around, and doing nothing all day, like Jinx and Mylo.
After she returned from mowing lawns, and cleaning gutters, she quickly showered before getting ready to go pick up Caitlyn. She knew their night would be the same as the last couple. Both of them desperately trying to come up with ways to stay together, before finally accepting their fate, at least for the time being, and giving in to their desire to be as close as possible, ripping and pulling off each other's clothes in an attempt to feel as connected as they could.
Vi didn't mind the second part, but the desperation to find a way to be together was only getting stronger as time ticked away. Vi knew there was no real solution to the problem that presented itself, but that didn't mean she wouldn't play along, if only to help Caitlyn feel like she wasn't giving up.
Once in her truck, she drove the familiar path to Caitlyn's house. No longer feeling like her and Caitlyn had to put on an act, especially with Caitlyn leaving so soon, she didn't bother with bringing Claggor along. Instead, she just pulled up in front of the suburban home with the taunting For Sale sign that still sat out front. She waited only a minute before a figure wearing a poodle skirt, and button up shirt came walking towards her truck.
"I missed you." You the young brunette said, once inside the passenger side.
"You just saw me last night." Vi said with a smile.
"I don't care." Caitlyn said, moving closer, as Vi pulled the truck away from the curb and headed towards the main road.
"I missed you too." Vi said, just as she felt a head lean on her shoulder.
Vi drove down the dark familiar path, making her way to their usual spot. The atmosphere inside the truck felt different. Caitlyn, usually already coming up with ways to run away together, sat quietly, her head on Vi's shoulder, her arm wrapped around Vi's. Vi allowed the quiet to engulf them, knowing if she spoke, it would ruin the calm that she knew was temporary. Once she got parked in the trees, hiding them from the outside world, she turned to Caitlyn. "You, Okay?"
After minutes of silence, Vi finally felt Caitlyn's body shake against hers. "No." was mumbled, as Vi saw tears fall from Caitlyn's cheeks. She didn't say anything. Didn't try to comfort her with false promises of everything was going to work itself out. Instead, she just pulled Caitlyn closer to her, wrapping her large arms around the smaller woman, and let her cry into her shirt.
That night not many words were said. Instead, it was a silent understanding that Caitlyn just needed to be held. To feel Vi close to her. She didn't want to fill their limited time, with words that didn't matter, instead she needed to hear the heartbeat of the woman she loved against her ear. Needed to commit to memory the way she smelled, the way she sounded when she breathed.
Neither knew what the future held, but right here right now, they had each other, and that's all that mattered at the moment. Vi sat with her back against her door, while Caitlyn laid in between her legs, her head against Vi's chest. Hour's past, as Vi ran her hand through Caitlyn's hair. Caitlyn running her fingers along Vi's chest. Vi knew she had many perfect moments with Caitlyn over the summer, this felt special in a different way. It wasn't filled with any special activity. Special words weren't being said. Instead, they were two hearts beating as one. Just existing in each other's arms, in a perfectly imperfect world.
After Vi had dropped Caitlyn off that night, she made her way home. Tears filled her eyes, as she thought about tomorrow, her last day with the young woman who had captured her heart. She wanted to do something special, to do something that they would both remember, but anything she could come up with just felt like it lacked something important.
She parked her truck, and headed for her front door, as laughter could be heard coming from her front porch. The closer she got, she could smell cheap cigars, followed by even cheaper beer.
"You two look happy." Vi said, as she looked at a huge Vander, blowing a puff of smoke, as a smaller Silco took a drink of his cheap beer.
"I keep telling your father here, he needs to invest in some better beer." Silco said, as he forcefully swallows another gulp.
"I told you, if you don't like the free beer you're drinking your more than happy to leave." Vander grunts, as he pulls in more smoke from his cigar.
"Yeah, yeah." Silco says, as he rolls his eyes. "So tell me dear, what, or whom has you out this late?"
"No one." Vi says shyly, as her cheeks begin to turn pink.
"That's not what Jinx tells me."
Vi's eyes widen, as she looks at Silco, then at Vander who refuses to make eye contact with her. "I hear your friend is moving away soon." He says in his long drawn out, dramatic voice.
"Yeah," Vi says, as she fumbles with the keys in her hands. "Tomorrow is the last day we get to…well then she leaves."
"Ah." Silco says softly. "We should have a Barbeque for lunch, help you give her a proper goodbye."
"What, a Barbecue?" Vi asks, taken back by Silcos suggestion.
"Yes, I'll buy some fine steaks, and burgers, we will fire up the grill."
Vi looks over at Vander, who just grunts with a nod. "I'm not sure she would like that."
"Nonsense, everyone like a Barbeque." Silco says. "Ill have everything ready by noon."
"Okay." Vi says, as she walks into the house, listening to Silco, as he tells Vander just what food items they will grill up.
She didn't really want her last day with Caitlyn to be spent with her family, but she wasn't sure telling Silco no was the best idea right now. Especially with him helping them to get Vander the medical care he needed. Besides, she could always plan something, just the two of them that evening, something a little more intimate and special.
Vi laid her head on her pillow, trying to think about not seeing Caitlyn again. Not holding her tight, not hearing her laugh, or her very strong accent when she spoke about things she was passionate about. Vi tossed and turned, her dreams filled with images of what could be. A forbidden future with the most beautiful woman she had ever met.