Chapter 41.5 - Crosshair II
He should have known, he realizes, knees sinking into the snow, the icy wind curling around his face. His fingers are numb, frozen from days of trekking through the ice, barely alive.
"You know what you should work on? Explaining when you went soft!"
"We – we miss you. We want you. We can still make this right."
"I know if you have any heart, you'd regret what you've done."
(No, I don't have a heart, kid, or I wouldn't have done this to you in the first place. )
"Without us, you are nothing."
The voices ring around in his head, looping like some sort of stupid song, like he might have a chance at flipping himself back into the past with a wish if he thinks about it hard enough. Like he could somehow be back there, undo every step he's ever taken since he was stupid enough to leave his brothers, to ignore Hunter's every "all you'll ever be to them is a number" and chalk up Vision's warnings to nothing but a she's just a kid.
As if – sure, she's just a kid.
One who knows what the future holds more than he ever could.
She would have seen this coming if she was here.
She won't if she's away. Why would she? He's not their responsibility anymore. He should have listened. (He misses home.) Should have gone with them, and the icy shadows fall across him, numbing, as though they could freeze his heart out, too, but none of it will mean anything because –
Because his entire life has been a lie, exactly as his siblings tried to tell him so hard, and he tried to defend the Empire, only to be abandoned by the same people he sacrificed everything for again and again until there's nothing left of him but this stupid armor, and he's just destined to die like the next one.
"You know what makes us different than battle droids? We make our own choices. And, we have to live with them, too."
Cody had left, too. Because Cody, just like everyone else, wasn't too stupid and blind to see it. that he was just a tool. Meant to be discarded. And he didn't realize it until it slapped him in the face, until he's frozen nearly to death, until the Imperials tell him to his face that it's all he's ever going to be useful for. Until it's too late for him to realize that he just wants to make it home.
He misses his brothers. Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, Echo. And the kids.
His sisters.
Vision must have known, somewhere, that he was going to be left there. She had tried to help him.
He hadn't listened.
"You're still one of us. You still belong here."
"We still would have taken ya."
"You're still their brother, Crosshair. You're our brother, too."
Can he really go back after everything he's done? After how he tore their family to shreds as though they meant nothing to him when they actually meant the world? When they were the only people he ever cared for?
"I would rather die fighting for who I love, than live fighting for something I don't believe in."
He doesn't care about this. He thought he could, he tried. Maybe they were right and this really wasn't him. Not that it matters when he still made those choices. Not that it matters when he chose to shoot at them. Tried to kill each one. He has been alone. For months. Years? It feels like years. And it wasn't. It wasn't worth anything.
He can't make up for any of what he did. But that doesn't mean he's letting the Empire get away with what they did to all of them, either, for what they did to him and what they made him do.
He doesn't care about any of this.
He just wants his family back.
But he doesn't make it to the ship. Doesn't make it anywhere, short of dropping face-first in the snow.
**w**
The room is dark when he pries his eyes open. When he wakes, it's to see a blurred figure standing beside him, typing on a datapad, her dark brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, face framed with red-tinted goggles.
"Hello, CT-9904," the girl greets him, her face floating into his view. They must have drugged him, because seeing shouldn't be so hard. "Or do you prefer Crosshair?" Her voice – her voice sounds... familiar.
"V'sion?" he slurs, blinking at her face. That can't be quite right – vision would die before wearing goggles. She hates them. And her skin is a shade too dark, and hair straight instead of curled, but she looks so familiar. It's been a long time. Vision's not gonna look the same as what he remembers. How tall is she now? He's the one who made sure he's probably never going to remember.
"My name is Emerie Karr," she answers softer, lifting something from a nearby table. Her voice is accented, like a Kaminoan, but she's human and she looks so, so...
She sounds like Tech. She has Vision's look, but more Tech-y, even if their names don't belong in the same sentence. And she had a datapad. Vision acts like those are poison. Or at least she did.
Another sister?
Oh, what else's new?
"Where – where am I?" he asks, trying to look around. They've strapped him onto the table, whatever it is, which probably means he's not free. Is – he remembers passing out, vaguely, and he feels distant and fuzzy, sort of achy all over. His fingers are... numb still? No. He feels them, but they're stiff. Wrong. Everything's wrong.
He's not safe. His brothers aren't here.
And if they were, does he remember what safe is anymore?
"I'm holding you for observation," she answers, typing on a nearby control, then her datapad which is set atop some sort of screen above him. Safely out of his sight angle. She lifts a needle of some sort, fixing something into it – whatever she's about to inject him with, probably. Sedative? "Once you've healed, the doctor will come for you." She holds his gaze as she says it, voice dipping into something slightly softer. But still technical. Familiar. Looking at her is seeing Hunter and Tech's face blurring into one.
"Who..." Talking is hard. His head is pounding, and he can't focus. She approaches, hand on his left shoulder, pushing him back down with a gentleness terrifyingly characteristic of his brothers alone. "Who are you?"
"Remain calm," she says instead of answering, injecting the needle into his neck. He's far too out of it to yowl in pain-of-death protest like he and Wrecker once would've, and or does he find any humor in it. His Strength and will died on the ice world when he realized how worthless his entire life has been, how all he's ever done is hurt those he loves the most. The only people that he loves. "Cooperate, and you might survive."
She pulls back, her face blurring over him again. That was definitely a sedative. Still – still with the Empire. But the girl. She's –
Emerie. Her name –
The last thing Crosshair sees before his vision goes dark is the blurred form of his sister's face.
If there's one duo in the Bad Batch I will die for, it's Crosshair and Emerie 💖💖💖 Love those two I have no regrets
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