"Gun Hill Road"

Author: carmen_085

Disclaimer: I don't own any Third Watch characters. All original characters in this belong to me

Summary: In the years following 9/11 Bosco and Liz struggle with health issues and emotional trauma. But when Fred dies suddenly, Faith's children have no where to go. Can Bosco and Liz keep their own demons at bay and give Emily and Charlie a good life? (Sequel to "Last Exit to Brooklyn")

Chapter Nine

Sitting in the plastic chair, Liz stared down into a cup of watery, tasteless coffee. She wasn't supposed to be drinking coffee, at least that's what the doctors said. Something about the caffeine affecting what was left of her thyroid, she didn't know. And she didn't care…any doctor who thought she could do this job without caffeine was sorely mistaken. The door to the lounge open and closed as Doc Parker walked in. Out of all the medics over at the 55, Doc was the one she was most familiar with. It seemed like the man worked nearly every day and was on almost every call. That wasn't a bad thing, though, far from it. No matter what the situation was or how sick the patient might be Doc always knew what to do. And he did it well, bringing a sense of calm to even the most chaotic moments.

"They're checking him out right now…looks like the worst of it has passed." She looked up at him and nodded, her short hair fell into her face as she was quick to tuck it back behind her ear. Liz wasn't stupid, she knew Bosco was an anxious mess waiting for just the right moment to spin out of control. For the most part she let him be, knowing her husband well enough to know that everything he faced he had to deal with in his own way. Unlike herself and most other people, Bosco hadn't grown up in an environment where coping skills were learned. His parents didn't have them and as a result neither did he. What he did, he taught himself over the years and she respected that. She gave him space, time, and even supported him in his quest to find the man wearing orange and khaki. She knew it was a long shot finding a man who was nothing more than blur and an awful ending. Still, she went with him for the ride despite the reservations she might have had.

"Thanks for coming so quick, Doc." She looked up offering him a grateful smile.

Pouring himself a cup of coffee Doc shook his head, "No thanks needed, that's what we do." Coming to sit across from her, he sighed as he settled himself into the chair. "Didn't see much of anything on the monitor, vitals were all good, seems like his heart is fine…" Liz bit down on her lip nodding.

"Yeah I'm sure…" She trailed off becoming silent again.

The experienced medic, picking up on nuances better than most, studied her for a moment before speaking. "You think there's something else going on ?" It wasn't his business, far from it in fact, but still if he could do something to help. Doc didn't know a whole lot about Bosco and Liz aside from what everyone else knew. After Faith died they'd met undercover and despite everything they fell in love. Just before 9/11 they came back to the 55 and had both gotten caught up in the mess downtown, much like everyone else himself included. They survived that, got married, and seemed to be getting past all the shit in their lives. And then one evening Doc and Carlos got a call for a woman with a rapid heart rate. Fairly ordinary until they pulled up and saw Liz sitting on the curb, struggling to breath, and Bosco a worried mess beside. SVT, Supraventricular Tachycardia, a common rapid arrhythmia in young people. Not too concerned he loaded her into the ambulance, gave her some fluids, medications, and they were off to the hospital where he was confident everything would be alright. He'd even told Bosco as much before they left the scene, convincing the younger man that there was no reason to worry and she was in good hands. Turns out, though, there was reason to worry. Liz had Thyroid Cancer, most likely from whatever shit she'd inhaled down at Ground Zero. She'd need radiation, chemo, and surgery to remove the cancerous gland. He had no way to know but he still felt awful.

When she was off getting treatment, he'd always made it a point to check in with Bosco and see how she was doing. Doc always liked Faith, she was a good cop and a good partner for Bosco. After she died he wondered, like everyone else, what would come of her partner, but then Liz came along. Although he heard Liz had done some serious undercover work, she was not what he expected, not at all in fact. She was friendly and kind, warm and ready to help the medics if needed. Not only did she balance Bosco , like Faith did, she went one step further making him calm, laid back, and more agreeable. She was tough when needed but not overly aggressive, kind when needed but not overly soft. Liz was a good cop, most everyone at the 55 agreed, in her short time there she had become popular and well liked.

Doc took a sip of the coffee as he looked down not wanting to push the issue. Liz sighed as she shook her head, "There's been a lot going on actually, you know ever since Fred Yokas…" Ah yes, just when Liz was done with cancer treatment and it looked like they were about to put all the awful shit that had happened behind them Fred Yokas dies in an elevator. He'd been there, him and Carlos, and all signs pointed to him being dead on arrival. But they still worked him and did everything they could seeing as how he'd been Faith's husband. Didn't matter in the end, though, he died and again Bosco was left to pick up the pieces. Emily and Charlie Yokas, at least that's what he thought their names were, well they were with Bosco now. Doc had never had strong feelings about the younger man one way or another; he was a good cop but a hot head and at the end of the day just another person he had to work with. But when those kids needed a place to go, Bosco stepped up not only giving them a place to stay but also bringing them in and making them part of his family. He didn't just look after them, he loved them like they were his own. And that was more than any of their own family had done so far. Doc respected him now, and saw him not as the cop persona he projected but as the man he really was.

"Bosco ever think of going to counseling ? Talk to someone…" Liz looked up a wry smile coming to her lips.

"We've tried, but you know Bosco is someone who needs to handle things his own way. Talking to a shrink isn't going to do it for him."

Doc nodded understanding, he himself also not fond of sharing his innermost feelings with a stranger. Leaning against the counter he took a sip of his coffee, "He's been through so much- way more than his share that's for sure…"

Liz gave him a sad smile nodding, "Haven't we all ?" He couldn't argue with that. The last few years had been hard for everyone. Still, it seemed the hits never stopped for Bosco.

The door to the lounge opened and Carlos poked his head in. "We got a call…someone's down in the subway over on a 123rd." Seeing Liz he immediately smiled throwing her a wave. She and Carlos clicked with dry humor the moment they met; further proving Doc's theory that Bosco's wife was truly one of a kind.

The medics left and Liz was alone again. She'd never seen Bosco worse than he was today, not even in Brooklyn. No matter how bad he felt he'd never been paralyzed on the job like this; had that guy wanted to shoot him today he certainly could have. Liz knew he needed professional help, and she also knew he would go if she forced him. That wasn't the point, though, he had to want it for himself. Still what happened today couldn't happen again and she knew that.

The ER was bustling like usual as Emily dodged two medics she didn't know rushing through the doors with some guy on a stretcher. Next to her Charlie leaned against her leg miserably. After hanging up with LJ she got him settled enough to go to bed only for him to throw up again all over his sheets. Panicked she tried calling both of them with no answer. When LJ did call her back she said they were on their way to Mercy with Bosco. Emily hung up before Liz could tell her to stay put dressing both her and Charlie, taking a grocery bag from the kitchen in case he threw up on the way. Tucking both of their METRO cards into her wallet she made sure the dogs were inside before she locked the door behind her and set off for the train. Neither Bosco nor Liz liked the idea of her riding the subway alone, God knows they were aware of the freaks that lurked below ground, but she'd taken the train before by herself- lots of times- and she knew how to be safe. Eventually they conceded it was fine in an emergency, and this was most certainly an emergency.

In the nurse's lounge her eyes fell on Liz drinking coffee alone and instantly she was relieved. The minute the older woman's eyes landed on them coming through the door she gasped and stood, clearly surprised.

"What are you doing here ?" Her eyes darted from Emily to Charlie whining miserably behind her. The relief on Emily's face faded quickly replaced with fear that she'd done something wrong.

"Charlie threw up again…and I was worried about Bosco…." She trailed off tears coming to her eyes from being so completely overwhelmed. "I….got scared." Her fingers played with the strap of her purse.

"Oh…honey it's ok." Liz pulled Emily into her arms the girl shuddering with relief. Running a hand through her hair, Liz kissed the side of her head forcing a reassuring smile. "You did the right thing." Taking the train alone didn't thrill her, but Emily did what she thought was best and Liz couldn't be upset with her for that. Charlie was in her care when they weren't home, and if something happened she couldn't handle they wanted her to get help.

They were interrupted as Charlie heaved into the bag nothing left in his stomach to come out. Emily instantly tensed, however, Liz was quick to step in. Bending over she lifted Charlie up into her arms the boy instantly snuggling into the crook of her neck. "Don't worry…I got him." Liz notched her head toward the chairs. "Wait here, I'm going to see if someone can take a look at him." The door closed before Emily could reply wanting to do something else instead.

The nurse at the desk looked up at her clearly exhausted and working her way through a stack of charts. "Um…can you tell me which room Officer Boscorelli is in ?" Pointing toward the back she didn't bother throwing Emily a second look. "Exam Three." The young girl rolled her lips together. The memory of her daddy laying in the back somewhere still fresh in her mind she forcibly reminded herself she was here to see Bosco. This was a good visit- Charlie was getting taken care of and Bosco was alright.

Exam three was nothing more than a curtained off area with stretchers arranged in a row. Passing her a doctor shook his head, a look of frustration on his face. Emily's eyes roved over an old man snoring, and then a lady mumbling to herself; when she got to the back the curtain was pulled but she could hear someone talking. Again…eavesdropping…but she couldn't help herself peeking around the curtain seeing Bosco out of bed and leaned over the sink. His shoulders heaved up and down and she could tell he was trying to calm himself down.

"I can do this….I can do it for them…" He bent over resting his head in his hands. "Come on…come on…come on.." He muttered to himself a desperate edge in his tone that she didn't miss. Emily was frozen in place. She knew she wasn't supposed to see this and yet she couldn't make herself turn and leave. Part of her wanted to go in there and hug him, tell him everything would be alright. Another part of her, an even larger part, wanted to scream out in fear. Nothing in her life was stable right now - not even the one thing that was supposed to be.

Emily was standing there, mouth open and tears about to well in her eyes, when Bosco abruptly turned seeing her. "Emily ?!" He schooled the emotion on his face putting away what she'd just seen within an instant.

"I…ah…Charlie's sick and I wasn't sure when you'd be home." Quickly she added, "LJ knows, she's with Charlie now." Bosco instantly deflated the protest about her coming out alone dying on his lips. If his wife knew then she was probably handling it right now. Still, he was done here and grabbing his shirt off the bed he ushered Emily back toward the main ER.

"Ok, let's find LJ and your brother."

"Wait…are you alright ?" Bosco stopped, exhaling before he forced a smile.

"Yeah I'm good, Em. Just a bad piece of fish at lunch." She wondered if that was even possible.

"Fish did that to you ?" He turned and for a moment she could see the weakness flash across his face. "LJ told me they were checking your heart…"

Bosco hadn't bothered to button his shirt and now he wondered if looking disheveled made him less believable. Needing something to do in order to avoid her questioning gaze, he looked down and began to work the buttons. My God everyday he realized how much she was just like her mother. "I'm alright, Em." He met her eyes and where weakness had just been he simply looked tired. "I promise." She nodded, Bosco had never lied to her.

They found Charlie sitting with LJ on a bed in the hallway. The doctor thought it was just a stomach bug, but still they were going to give him some fluids and zofran to calm his stomach. He'd cried a bit over the IV but held perfectly still when the time came and for that Bosco told him he was proud and kissed him on the head making Charlie smile for the first time today. It amazed Emily how easily Bosco could hide how he felt transitioning from whatever the hell had just happened in the back to this. The look on LJ's face told her he wasn't fooling anyone, though, and that this was far from over.

"I can sit with him until he's done here, call you guys to pick us up- or we can just wait until your shift….wait…are you going back to work ?" It was only seven pm. Liz quickly shook her head cutting Bosco off before he could get a word out.

"No. I called Lieu. We're done for the day." Bosco looked like he was about to protest, and he probably would have if Charlie didn't have an IV hooked up to him right now. "Sully and Davis are coming back around to pick both of you up and take you home. I'll wait here until Charlie's discharged."

It had been a long time since someone else stepped into a family crisis and figured everything out for her. Emily exhaled not sure if she should feel unnecessary or relieved. Either way she trusted LJ and there was no way they would ever leave her here alone in the ER with her brother. She also couldn't argue that Bosco going back out on the streets right now as the best idea either.

When Bosco leaned in to kiss her, not even Emily missed the stiffness in her posture and the fact that she didn't return his hug. She was pissed - and there would certainly be some talking that needed done later. Bosco nodded swallowing hard sure that everyone heard the click in his throat. He knew this was coming. Thankfully he'd have a couple hours to figure out what he was going to say to her.

Sully and Davis appeared through the doors as Bosco nodded. "Alright Em, let's go."

Had Emily not been sitting beside him in the back of the RMP, Bosco was sure Sully would have said something. The way the older man kept stealing glances at him through the mirror told him as much. Plus Bosco could feel the disapproval radiating from the front seat. While Liz and Betty were the only ones who knew about the man in orange and khaki, it was no secret around the house that Bosco saw shit that day. Other than Brian Jackson, who was a psychopath, he was the only other cop from the 55 who'd been inside the Tower. As if that wasn't enough there was Faith, Fred, the kids, Liz having cancer, and oh yeah let's not forget Jackson himself up at Sing Sing filing endless appeals. Anyone would need help if they'd been through all that, why Bosco was being such a martyr about it Sully had no idea. Looking back again this time he openly scowled as he shook his head pulling onto Bosco's street.

Whatever this was he hoped that Liz could straighten it out. Had she not been apart of the equation, Sully might have doubted Bosco's ability to care for those kids. There was no doubt he loved them, everyone knew he loved Emily and Charlie like they were his own. Still being a good parent took more than just love.

"Thanks Sul." Davis opened the back door letting them out and wisely not saying a word. He hadn't missed Sully's exasperated sighing or scathing looks. The situation was hard enough, they didn't need to add anything to it. Bosco and Liz would sort it out, they always did.

Bosco was thankful when he heard the RMP pull out and head back toward Manhattan. He figured once Emily was out of ear shot and in the house, Sully would have something to say. He wouldn't be out of line if he did, still it wasn't something he wanted to hear right now. Despite all the tests coming back fine, his chest still hurt like hell. In the past he would have solved this problem with a hot shower and half a bottle of bourbon. Now he would just need to settle for a shower.

"I'm going to make a sandwich, do you want anything ?" Emily kicked off her shoes petting Callie and Atlas as she cast a look at Bosco. Quick to shake his head he walked past her stiff and stilted toward his own room.

"No honey I'm going to take a hot shower. LJ and your brother will be home soon." Emily watched him go disappearing into his room closing the door quietly behind him. Ever since they'd left the hospital, Bosco had been quiet. The water in the bathroom turned on as she sighed figuring that she could at least see to the dogs letting them loose into the back yard to do their business. Pouring a cup of food into each of their bowls she made herself a ham sandwich letting both of them back in before shutting the back door and heading to her room.

After everything today, Emily just wanted to distract herself for a while. Flopping down on her bed Atlas immediately jumped up and settled himself at the bottom sniffing the sandwich in her hand. Emily plugged the Christmas lights in on her bed and opened the cover of Little Women settling back and enjoying the relative peace for a moment. Charlie would be alright, and LJ would take care of Bosco. Everything was going to be fine.

Jerking awake Emily looked around forgetting where she was for a moment. The open book on her chest and half eaten ham sandwich on the nightstand brought her quickly back to reality as she sat up. The shower wasn't running anymore and outside it was almost dark. Looking across the room she saw Charlie's bed still empty and Atlas snoozing contently at the bottom of hers. Taking the half eaten sandwich with her she walked out into the darkened kitchen wondering where the hell everyone was. Back door open her eyes fell on Bosco sitting on the picnic table staring out at the river. She hesitated for a moment wondering if it was her business to intrude.

'He needs someone, Em.' Her mother's words rang clearly in her head as if she said them to her just now. Wearing an oversized t-shirt she slept in and shorts she walked outside barefoot. She'd never done that before living here, seeing LJ do it she tried it and instantly loved the way the grass felt on her bare feet. It was almost dark as the sun dipped below the horizon casting the river in a warm orange glow.

Bosco didn't know she was there until she sat down beside him. Like Emily he had on an oversized t-shirt and black gym shorts, his hair was mussed and sticking up not bothering with it after getting out of the shower. Immediately he forced a smile whatever he'd been thinking about stuffed away again. "LJ called, Charlie's done at the hospital. She's taking him back to the house to get the car in the RMP."

Emily rolled her eyes laughing a little. "I'm sure he's loving that…." They fell silent as Emily looked down at her feet wondering if there was really a way to ask what she wanted to know. Finally she decided to just blurt it out, "Bosco…." He turned, the forced smile fading from his face. "What happened to you on 9/11 ?"

She was a smart girl, but even he was surprised at how fast she'd raced to this conclusion. He looked away from her his heart instantly racing. Was it right to tell her what he saw ? He already told her he almost killed himself, was this really worse ?

It was worse, much worse, and that burden belonged to no one but him. Shaking his head Bosco's eyes flicked to her, "You don't want to know about that, Em…" He didn't even want to know about that. She shifted uncomfortably suddenly wondering if maybe she'd overstepped. Always needing to take care of everything was Faith in her and this was no different as she gently pressed.

"Kids talk about it at group and school. The way their parents were found…what happened to them." Bosco let out a huff shaking his head, what a thing to talk about. "I can handle it…I've had worse." He froze thinking those words over before gently meeting her eyes the ghost of a knowing smile across his lips.

"I know that." Bosco put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. Letting the facade drop for a moment he let her see the torment on his face as he replied in a shaky voice, "I don't want you to think of that stuff when you look at me, Em. I want to be what I always was to you and Charlie…" She held his gaze knowing what he said was the absolute truth. His eyes were open all the way to his soul and she could do nothing but reach up and touch his hand.

"Nothing could ever change that, Bosco." A surge of emotion forced him to cover his face as he leaned forward onto his knees. Swallowing the lump in her own throat, Emily closed the space between them. "We trust you….we've always trusted you…" Putting her head on his shoulder she sat there leaning against him trying to comfort as much as she wanted the comfort herself.

Bosco quickly scrubbed his face with his hand sitting back up and putting his arm around her. Taking a deep breath he looked out at the East River shaking his head, "You want to know what it was like on 9/11 ? I was more scared than I'd ever been in my whole life. Terrified and praying that I would find a way to survive."

Emily knew there was more than that. Bosco was probably the toughest person she knew and if he was terrified she could just imagine what he'd seen…and done. They stayed like that silent for a little while until the back door slammed and Atlas ran out. "They must be back." He knew what happened this afternoon was far from over between him and Liz. Sighing he ushered Emily back toward the house. Charlie appeared on the porch waving his arms around talking about how he got to use the lights and siren, and getting stuck with a needle didn't hurt that much at all. All traces of his earlier sickness erased Emily exhaled with relief thankful that LJ handled it. Bosco patted him on the back of the head as they walked through the back door, Atlas and Callie hot on their heels.

LJ stood at the counter still wearing her uniform minus the gun and belt. She was unpacking a bag of groceries; bananas, rice cereal, and bread. "Emily, could you make Charlie some toast and help him change into his pajamas ?" Immediately she nodded going to the kitchen feeling almost neglectful for not handling the whole situation herself. Her brother was her responsibility.

"Thanks for taking care of everything LJ. I should have done more…" The older woman quickly shook her head.

"No. We're here to take care of both you- I appreciate everything you do, Em. But I can handle the tough stuff, ok ?" Emily didn't miss the tense look she was shooting at Bosco, who wisely decided to escort Charlie back to his room to find his pajamas. Without warning she went to LJ and hugged her letting the shudder of tension she'd been holding all day release. Liz wrapped the girl up in her embrace letting her stay there until Emily began to relax whispering in her ear.

"Don't go too hard on him…." Emily pulled back looking her in the eyes for a moment, "He's already so hard on himself." An image of Bosco bent over the sink muttering to himself flashed through her mind.

Liz' face instantly relaxed and her shoulders sagged. All night she'd been stoking the fire for why she was pissed at her Bosco. Why this search for the man in Orange and Khaki was ridiculous , why it was going to get him hurt or killed, why they had other things to worry about…and most importantly why he needed professional help. She knew nobody was harder on Bosco than himself and coming at him with guns loaded was unnecessary, surely he'd spent the last few hours tearing himself apart for his bad decisions. Smoothing Emily's hair down she leaned in and kissed her forehead. "I know…" She exhaled a frustrated breath. "Next time you take the train just call me, ok ? So I know that's where you are."

Emily smiled, "I promise I will." Taking the toast from the counter she notched her head toward the bedroom. "I'm going to get Charlie settled into bed." Passing her on the way out, Bosco touched her arm affectionately before his gaze came to settle on his wife.

"Let's talk." This was why he loved her so much, there were no games or beating around the bush. Shoving his hands into his pockets like he did when he was nervous Bosco shrugged knowing she was about to lay into him and deservedly so. "Not here…in the car." He slumped fully aware he was about to get it.

The car was quiet, the hum of the air-conditioning the only sound between them. She sat behind the wheel staring straight ahead while Bosco stole a glance at her from the other side. For whatever reason their first night together popped into his mind. She driving him around Brooklyn in that shitty old civic and he sitting in his tattered dress blues wishing he were dead. Vaguely worried he'd just been kidnapped but more so hoping someone would put him out of his misery. At the moment he felt strangely similar.

"Bosco. This needs to stop." She exhaled meeting his eyes. "I know why you need to do this, but it's gone too far."

"Liz…" She cut him off before he could say another word.

"No! You could have died today." He quickly averted his eyes to the floor, she wasn't wrong. He had no control over himself, and had that asshole wanted to shoot him he could have. "I could have died." She wasn't there and that idea hadn't entered his mind until just now. If possible his guilt deepened even further as he covered his face with his hands.

"You're right. I fucked up.." There was nothing to argue about.

"Being reckless was fine when it was just us. The things we did in Brooklyn," She shook her head, "That was then…now its all about them." He opened his mouth to protest but she kept going. "And I know you know that, and I know you love them. I love them too."

"Liz I'll do whatever you want." The weakness in his eyes was enough to make her melt as she reached out and took his hand in her own. "You and them. That's all that matters to me anymore."

She was quiet thinking that over before regarding him seriously. "I love you, Bosco, and if you need help I'll go with you. I'll be there, I promise."

Bringing her hand to his lips he kissed it. "I know. And I love you. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry for today."

She cupped the side of his face in her hand stroking her thumb across his cheek. "I think we need a break. A couple days to forget everything." Raising an eyebrow the corner of his lip turned up in a smile.

TBC….

I'm back and intending to finish this once and for all. ROKU channel reruns have inspired me.

Also I've done a rewrite cleaning up the first eight chapters and making them just better overall

Total story length 15-20 chapters