Author note:
Happy Birthday to me - here's a chapter for you!

Chapter 40 - Year 5, part 11

December 25th, 1995

A short while after having left Professor McGonagall's office, Hermione made it to a fork in the corridor. One where on normal occasions, she would simply turn right and be on her way back to Gryffindor tower. Yet, tonight she didn't feel like it. Instead, she found an alcove where she hid and pulled out her journal. When she had left McGonagall's office it had been just short of half past eleven. she knew damn well that this would be a hard guess, but she needed to try.

"Are you awake?" She wrote in the two-way journal from Draco.

She didn't even need to be afraid of him not answering, before "Yes" was written in his beautiful cursive, just below hers.

"I know you're mad, but can I see you? I need you."

"Yes. Always. Where?"

She thought for a hot second, too relieved that he answered her so fast. "Courtyard. Thank you."

"Always, love. Always."

She still held Harry's map from the last time she used it, and it also came in handy this time as she avoided Flitwick and arrived at the courtyard where she hid in a dark corner.

Looking at the map, she could see Draco's footsteps slowly climb the stairs from the dungeons. Stop at the top for a moment, before dashing across the entrance hall in her direction. A few minutes later, he excited the door and slowly shut it behind him. He looked from side to side and cautiously called her name. As he did so, she stepped out of the darkness to his right, whispering his name.

His hair was dishevelled like he had been running his hands through it for hours on end. This look was more unlike Draco than anything she had ever seen before.

But it was him. It was him taking her in at first, and then rushing towards her like his life depended on it. Like she was the air he was breathing and the gravity grounding him. He embraced her, and held her tight with whispers of "I'm here," and "I got you.", when she succumbed to sobs once again, holding on to him like he was all that mattered in the world.

Maybe he was.

Maybe he always had been.

He didn't shush her or tell her to be quiet. He didn't tell her that everything would be alright. He didn't tell her how angry he was with her or say that they would have to talk through it at some point.

He simply held her close, kissed the top of her hair or her forehead. He then continuously said that he was there, that he loved her and that he would always be there, whenever she needed him.

When she was finally done crying her eyes out, he guided them to sit in the dark corner, where she had been waiting for him, and sat them down against the wall. He put his arms around her shoulders, and pulled her in to rest her head against his shoulder, but still he didn't say anything regarding why she had written to him.

They sat like that quietly for a while, hurdled under their cloaks and under a warming charm that Draco had cast at some point. The snow was billowing down outside the roof that covered the outskirts of the courtyard. there were also no torches outside; it would just them, the snow and complete silence.

In Umbridge's office it had been nerve-wrecking, but here; it was comforting.

"I've been in detention with Umbridge for the last two days," She began in a whisper, "and I just came from McGonagall's office, begging her to send me home." Beside her, Draco stiffened.

"Home? Why?"

"Because I can't stay at a place where I have to look behind my shoulder to see who's stabbing me in the back, while keeping an eye on a teacher intent on forcing Veritaserum down my throat to interrogate me, after slapping me didn't work."

"She did what?!" he sneered and turned to look at her fully. She wasn't prepared for the movement, and almost face-planted his thigh in the process.

"She did. I think she slipped something into my tea as well, but since I refused to drink it, she had to be creative." She said in a small, looking out into the snow. She couldn't look him in the eyes when he was so angry. It made her feel like it was because of her and something she had done.

She didn't like it. Not one bit.

"So, you're under the influence right this second?" He inquired angrily.

"I think so, yes. normally it only takes a couple of drops, but she forced the hell out of that bottle." She murmured, and used her eyes to dig holes in the fountain in the middle of the courtyard.

He grabbed her hand and forced her entire body in his direction. "Lie to me." He said urgently.

"No. I don't want to fucking lie to you, Draco. There's been enough of that."

A gentle hand forced her eyes to his. "We need to make sure, love."

She bore daggers into him as she angrily sneered; "I hate -" She couldn't say the word - it simply didn't want to leave her mouth. "I hate -"

He looked at her in complete concentration for a while; probably trying to figure out what it was she didn't hate. Then it must have dawned on him.

"You don't hate me. That's good to know, at least." He sighed and let go of her chin. "I'm not leaving you alone until that stuff is out of your system, so we need to find somewhere to stay until then. Staying out here in negative degrees for an entire night won't be happening."

The fact that she couldn't tell a lie for the unforeseeable future was dangerous, that's for sure. A small dose was one thing, but Umbridge hadn't held back. What if it was still working in the morning?

"Well, it's not like I can bring you back to Gryffindor tower. What about your dorm?"

"Not an option." He said with a sigh. "A classroom won't work either. Anyone could walk in on us."

The wheels were turning in her head. Could it work? Well, she knew it would work… But would it work for them? Did it work for that long? Was there a time-limit on the enchantments? Was there a limit to what it could do?

"I think I have somewhere we can go… But you can't tell anyone about it." She whispered, like the wind itself would betray her.

"More secrets?" She could hear the disappointment in his voice and it was like a dagger to the heart.

"Not in that sense. I'll tell you everything, but you have to trust me." She whispered as she met his eyes once again. Hoping and praying that he would see the sincerity in them.

"Okay." He simply said with a nod, stood and then helped her stand as well.

She felt his eyes dig into the side of her face, as she pulled out the map.

"Is that… A map?" He asked, his voice thick with suspicion… And incredulousness. "That's how you've done it for so long? A map?"

She opened it and quickly found their name tags. Luckily, there were no Professors or ghosts anywhere near them. Looking up from the map and to Draco, she found him staring at the map by her side. "Yes." She answered instantly, loving that she didn't have to hold back on the answer because of the potion, but hating that the thought was even in her mind in the first place. "I'll tell you everything once we get there, but we need to go now." If she didn't need the light of her wand, she would have held out her hand for him. "Let's go."

Taking one last glance at the map, she opened the door that they had entered through at some point and hurried inside. Draco closed the door as silently as he could and together, they hurried up the stairs - Hermione taking the lead with the map.

They made it all the way to the fifth floor, when Hermione noticed Umbridge on the map, coming around a corner that would eventually, but definitely, end by her seeing them or their wand-light. It was with sweaty hands that she hurried on, "We need to hide," she whispered, "or Umbridge will find us in a moment."

Walking to the other side of the hall, he moved a tapestry: "Get in."

That's convenient.

Pocketing the map, she hurried inside and nox'd her wand as he slid the tapestry closed and moved fully inside.

To say the space was cramped, was pretty understated. When she had been writing to him earlier on from yet another hidden alcove, it had been fine. But now, there were two of them in this room - and he wasn't exactly as small as her.

She was almost trembling by the time he stepped fully into her space and put his arms around her. She wasn't entirely sure if it was because of the close proximity, or the possibility of being caught red-handed by someone who's detention she had only just left a short while ago.

I've been close to Draco before, she thought to herself as she remembered both when he took her flying and when she visited him in the Hospital ward. Well, it's not like you nearly ran off or he fell off a broom on any of those occasions. She thought sarcastically. It's not like I have a problem with intimacy.

And Umbridge is fucking insane. Her other brain half added - the sane one, maybe?

As if entirely by themselves, her hands wound up around his waist and her face disappeared into his shoulder. As she started hearing the sound of heels clicking on the stonefloor and echoing down the hallway she pulled him impossibly closer. If Umbridge couldn't see her, she couldn't harm her. Not again. Not ever, again.

But she would get what was coming for her. Hermione would make sure of that.

Draco's arms tightened around her as the clicking came nearer, his face lowering to the place where her shoulder and neck met. If she hadn't already been not breathing, it would have stopped right then and there.

Just like her lungs that stopped bringing oxygen into her bloodstream, the sound of shoes stopped in the hallway. The only issue was that there seemed to be two pairs of shoes - and she hadn't been able to tell them apart.

There was absolute silence as Hermione listened to every sound around her, but she found it difficult with the sound of Draco breathing against her neck and the sound of blood rushing in her ears.

She had all but come to the conclusion that maybe Umbridge had taken off her shoes and left on socked feet, when finally, she spoke; "No sight of any of them yet?"

"No, Ma'am. But I'll be taking them to the dungeons when I find them." Hermione didn't know what room the caretaker was talking about, or whom they wanted to bring in there, but she wasn't going to wait around to find out.

"You'll make good use of the room I gave you?" She said, sounding all too happy. It was freaking Hermione out on a level she would never admit to anyone in the entire fucking world.

"Of course, Ma'am - they'll be hanging from the ceiling like curtains from a rod."

"Wonderful Argus, Minister Fudge will be most pleased with your effort to catch those sneaky little rascals. You may proceed." Were they looking for her and Draco? But how would they know?

"Thank you, Ma'am." The sound of clicking shoes once again echoed as Umbridge left, but she couldn't hear Filch leaving. He wasn't usually that silent when patrolling - Hermione would definitely know.

"Come now, my love, leave the tapestry alone." The tapestry? Oh, fuck. Draco went as still as her as realization dawned on them both at the same time.

Her eyes flew open by the speed of lightning, noticing for the first time that the tapestry just behind Draco's back was moving. When had she even closed her eyes in the first place? Thinking on her feet, she pointed her wand at the bottom of the drapery and whispered a low 'Confundus' and hoped for the best. When the cat screeched, she knew she had managed to hit the cat.

"I told you to leave the damn rats alone, my love. Come now, we'll put up a trap tomorrow."

The cat meowed loudly, but seemed to follow as the sound of heavy footsteps retreated - how she had even missed them in the first place was beyond her.

She and Draco stood unmoving for several more minutes, until there were no sounds except for their heavy breathing. Against her, she felt Draco stand up straight, his hands going along with his movement from her shoulders and down her arms until they were completely devoid of her.

She could breathe again, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to.

The air around them was charged with electricity mixed with the reminders of the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She was certain that if she reached out into the air around them, she would be electrified. She could already feel the magic around her fingertips, making her fingers tingle lightly.

What on earth was going on?

Had Umbridge found them anyway? Was this a spell? A curse?

It wasn't that it felt unpleasant in any way, she just didn't know what to make of it.

Her heart was hammering faster than it had ever done before. Her pulse thumping against the side of her neck and her breath coming out in heavy pants.

It was like she had run a marathon without taking a single break, while doing in every single record while at it.

"D-Draco?" She stammered, surprised by the hoarse sound of her voice after having been silent for so long.

"Hermione." He breathed, a mere second before his hands wound around her face and into her hair, dragging her lips to his as the tensions finally snapped.

A small gasp left her lips as he ground his fingers into her scalp, tugging lightly at the roots. His mouth was moving against hers and she was just racing to catch up to him. But this wasn't a battle of who would win; It was a dance between two equally involved individuals, battling to show their love for the other.

She grabbed at the back of his shirt, forcing him closer like it was even possible in the first place. His chest rose and fell against hers as he softly pushed her backwards until her back hit the wall. She gasped as she came into contact with the cold stone, and the slightly open mouth was like an unsaid invitation for him to invade her mouth further. But even if he was welcome, it was like the opening of a door made him realize what was going on. He slowed his movement as his tongue carefully caressed hers, moving around it like they wanted to be as intimately familiar with each other as possible. She couldn't even tell where she finished and he began. it was like they were one.

A sound worked its way out of her throat, but it was unlike anything she had ever made or heard before.

In an attempt to get him closer to her - yet, she didn't know how that was possible - she reached up and wound her hands around his shoulders, anchoring her to him.

He was trembling as he pushed her further against the wall, a hoarse sound coming from him as he did so. Was that the same sound she had made? Did it mean something good? Or was she not supposed to have grabbed him like that? She didn't know.

Then another thought hit her. What if someone else had heard it? They had been in there for a good while, and she hadn't checked the map. What if someone was nearby and heard them?

With all the power of a thousand titans, she managed to remove her mouth from his. "Draco. Draco, we need to go." She whispered, her voice throaty and hoarse.

"Fuck." Draco cursed in a low voice as his hands moved from her hair to her waist and his forehead dropped to her shoulder; his breathing was as hard and ragged as hers felt. "You're right. Of course, we need to go."

He held her so tight; and she didn't want to let him go. But they needed to get out of there.

Her head fell back against the stonewall as she gained her bearing and breathing. Her heart rate finally slowed a bit despite how closely they were standing. "Sorry babe," He whispered as he kissed her once against her throat - not helping, Draco - and stood up fully, taking a small step away from her. "I didn't mean to do that."

She frowned at him in the darkness. At some point her eyes had gotten used to the darkness and she could now see his full outline. Also, since he was so pale and had such white hair, he did stand out a bit. Reaching up to cup his face, she whispered; "Don't be. But do cover your eyes, or this will hurt." She felt him nod against her hand.

Letting go, she grabbed the map, turned on her wand light and checked the map.

…

Ten minutes later they stood inside what appeared to be her room at Malfoy Manor. Looking around at a room she hadn't seen in so long, she felt both the home-sickness and longing she had been hit so hard by these last couple of weeks, but also disgust.

This room used to have such beautiful Mauve colours… But now? All she could think of were a thousand different shades of pink receding inside Umbridge's office or inside the vile woman's closet.

This will have to change.

She closed her eyes and thought as hard as she possibly could. Asked the room nicer than she had ever asked anyone for anything before, if it would please change the colour-scheme?

She heard Draco gasp from where he still hadn't moved by the closed door, and she opened her eyes to find the room enveloped in different shades of dark green. Now, it felt like home.

"Hermione? What is this place?" Draco asked in a low voice as he slowly moved into the room that resembled one of which in his home back in Derbyshire

She turned to him and smiled, now finally feeling some peace. Why hadn't she thought of this? "This, is the room of requirement - also famously known as the come-and-go-room. It works completely on its own and I found it by chance back in third year. We use it with the Advanced Defense Club."

He looked so small and confused. Looking around, he found that the room had put out tea and sandwiches for them by the lounging chairs, so she motioned for them to sit down. Then she continued to tell him everything about the ADC, what they did and why, the map and everything else he would ever need or want to know. She was done keeping secrets, and she wanted to show him that.

Being under the influence of Veritaserum didn't make a difference for her right now. She would have told him the truth anyway.

"... so, yeah, I found a way for you to be a part of it, without actually being a part of it - but I need Harry for it, and he can't. He's too strung up right now."

Draco nodded, sombrely. "I can see that."

"I mean, I can teach you whatever he does to me, but it won't be the same - and I'm not nearly as good at teaching as he is." She shrugged.

"It also seems like you have plenty of other things occupying your time at the moment. You need time for sleeping and all that - won't do with another nap in the library, would it?" He said with a glint in his eye. She shrugged and smirked at the obvious jab at that time he had woken her up in the library, only to recognize that she was head over heels in love with the asshole.

"Speaking of sleeping - why were you up so late tonight? I thought you'd be sleeping." She asked. She wasn't exactly concerned, but he couldn't talk so highly of her sleep and then stay up till shit in the morning himself.

He looked embarrassed as his eyes diverted completely from hers. "When you didn't show up from dinner - again, your brother took me aside and gave me a proper talking down. He was sure it was because we had been fighting and adamantly believed that I had ruined Christmas for you."

Hermione was shell-shocked. "He did… What?"

"No, he did. Gave me the full run-down of how I was supposed to take care of you and all that. He was really laying it out. That guy is bloody scary when he looks out for you, I have to give him that."

"Motherfucker." Hermione sneered, crossing her arms over her chest.

Draco sighed, though it sounded more like it was in indignation than anything else.

"Don't give me that," she said, narrowing her eyes at him. "he's my brother - I can call him whatever the fuck I want to." In response, Draco raised his hands in surrender.

"He didn't even give that shit to Daniel. Krum I can totally understand - but you? That's bullshit."

"Da-Daniel?" A flitter of emotions crossed his face, all ranging from surprise to something that distinctively looked like possessiveness. Oddly enough, it caught her breath for a second. But why would he be so surprised? It wasn't like it was a secret. Not like she and Draco were. "You… and Black… dated?"

She stood and walked to the window and looked out over the forest and the fields like she normally would have been able to from her window at the manor, all of it covered in a thick layer of snow. She missed staying there, but what were the chances of going back there? Maybe ever?

"Yeah." She said with a sigh, "It didn't last very long though… He's a very physical person and I… Wasn't. Besides, in the end it just didn't feel right. He never made me feel… I mean, he didn't… I wasn't…" She trailed off, not really sure of what to say that would make sense. Her brain and heart told her millions of things about how she had felt at the time and how she felt about it - him - now, but could she make it make sense?

A hare jumped through the snow on a terrasse not far from her window, and she was so enraptured by it and her thoughts, that she hadn't heard Draco move to her side. It wasn't until he put a hand softly to the curve of her hip that she turned to him and tugged herself into him, resting her head on his shoulder as she watched the hare jumping around like life was a dance on roses.

"I'm going to jump right over the fact that you're obviously a very physical person now, because I really want to know what it was that he didn't make you feel." His voice rumbled slightly as he spoke and it took all of her willpower to not turn and kiss the point just below his trachea - curious to know if his voice would go deeper.

"Complete. He didn't make me feel complete." She whispered without thinking, before realizing that it might have been the biggest understatement of the entire universe. But how could she be anything less, when she was with Draco?

He turned her slightly and fully embraced her, kissing the top of her head lightly.

"Do you think I'll be able to go back to the manor again?"

"Of course." He said, like there had never really been a more obvious answer. "Why wouldn't you?"

She drew herself back and out of his arms, standing against the window. "Because there's a war, Draco, and we're in the middle of it." She sighed, and restlessly turned back around to the window. The hare was gone now. "Do you ever think, that… Maybe we aren't... supposed to be? Like it's too dangerous and stupid and childish, or…" Her hands went into her hair, tugging at it in frustration. How was it that a fucking truth-serum forced her to be truthful but couldn't make her say the right fucking words? "What if it's just not right?" Her voice broke from a combination of sadness and frustration and she didn't know what to do with it.

If they continued on this way, with Draco on one side of the war trying to keep him, his family and friends alive, with her on the other side with Harry and the order. Someone would get killed, and it might be because of their incessant need to be together - but not being fully able to.

They wouldn't be able to grow up, get their full educations, get jobs… Move in together. Have a life together. As long as the war was raging, they would never be able to have that.

They wouldn't be able to have anything, together.

They might be two sides of the same coin, but they were still on different sides. They would each need to compromiseto have whatever it was they wanted together. But he wouldn't be able to join the order without compromising his friends and family - and she refused to help Voldemort destroy a world that she loved.

They couldn't make a compromise on who they were as a person, as individuals. That would be too much. But she wasn't ignorant enough to think that she wouldn't be forced to do so on whichever side of the war she was on.

That's just what war did to people.

"What if it's- " Sadness laced her voice as she felt tears prickling behind her eyes, her voice breaking with every syllable. "What if this is a mistake?" She whispered as she turned to him.

He looked at her, completely stunned speechless. His eyes were on the ground where she was standing, burning a hole in the carpet.

"I love you, Draco. With everything that I am and everything that I will ever be. But what if it's a mistake?

"We're not a mistake." He whispered in a voice so low; she was barely able to hear it. Then his eyes raised to hers and the fire in them, made her heart instantly pick up its pace. "I refuse to believe that anything that makes me feel like this," His hand clapped angrily three times over his heart, "could be a mistake - and if it is, then I promise you that I'll become the one mistake you can't live without. Because I can't live without you." He marched up to her, until he was right in her space, forcing her to look up at him to maintain eye contact. "If it's really so wrong, then fuck it all because I don't want to be right anymore. We already agreed that you're mine, and unless you can truthfully say that you don't want me anyway, then that's where you'll stay." He gave her a moment to articulate the sentence that they both knew she couldn't get out - because it would be a bloody lie. He smirked at her, the dire in his eyes making it looked like the Gray was completely molten - swirling around and hypnotizing her. Not that he needed it - she was completely at his mercy.

"I'm not giving up on you and I will spend every single, bloody day for the rest of my life, proving to you that we are always the right choice. I will burn the world down just to keep you safe. I will do anything. Do you understand me, Hermione? Anything."

"Yes." And she did. Looking at her like that, there was no doubt in her mind that he would do anything in his power to do just that.

"Anything." He whispered, this time softly, before his mouth clashed with hers once more.

…

Author note:
Songs for this chapter:
That part - Lauren Spencer Smith
Wherever you go - Charlene soraia
The high road - Three Days Grace
So what - Three Days Grace

https/open./playlist/1P5krpjY9txJkVXx1kTMJO?si=c62fae53d17c449b