Chapter 9: Awkward memories

"OK, I got it. I'll say it to you." Harry quickly said and sighed. "I've seen…"

Hermione looked at him encouragingly.

"I've seen you while you were in the bath." Harry said with blush.

"It's that all?" Hermione said puzzled.

"Er… not really." he lowered his head.

"So, what else did you see?" she asked.

"I saw you while you were pleasuring yourself" he mumbled.

"Oh…" Hermione gasped and blushed. "Well… it's not unexpected that you could see something like that, but I didn't expect that on your first attempt."

"I'm sorry Hermione" Harry said.

"No Harry, you shouldn't feel sorry. We both knew that could happen." She paused for a moment "At least I knew." At that, Harry became more red than before. "Harry, stop it! I know it's kind of embarrassing to do that. But there is no-one with whom I could do this besides you. I AM sorry that you had to look at me in my mind. I know I don't have a pleasant appearance. I know I'm not pretty. But you are the only one I trust entirely. I hope that it's not too big a burden for you to do this for me."

On that words Harry raised his head and saw tears running down Hermione's cheeks. He was dumbstruck. It dawned on him how much the girl in front of him felt insecure with her body. After all, Harry had long realized that Hermione was a girl. He wasn't as clueless as Ron.

"Hermione," Harry started and hugged her. "I am not embarrassed by the fact that I saw you naked in that situation. I'm embarrassed for two reasons. One, you were not aware of it and I felt like I was spying on you. The second reason is that I liked what I saw…" After these words, Harry felt Hermione stiffen all over. "Hermione, did I say something wrong?" Harry moved away from her, still holding her by the shoulders. "What's wrong?"

She was stunned. After a few seconds she asked. "Do you like me? Do you like the way I look? Why didn't you say anything before? Or do you simply have fun of me now?" Hermione said offensively. Harry saw in her eyes that she turned on her defence mode.

Harry felt offended by this accusation. "Why do you think I would make fun of you? You are my friend. Why do you think I would want to hurt you?" Hermione blinked several times.

"I need to go." Without further explanation she ran out of Harry's room.

"Great, Potter. You scared your friend which you said to yourself several hours ago you can't lose. Great" Harry thought.

For the last two hours Harry had been alternating between pacing around the room and throwing himself on the bed. He felt angry. He was angry at himself for telling Hermione about what he saw in her mind. He was angry at Hermione for reacting like that. He was angry at Sirius for teaching mind arts. He was angry at Dumbledore for not telling him anything for the whole summer. To sum up, he was angry at everyone.

Harry was laying on bed faced down when he heard knocking on the door to his room. "Who's there?" Harry asked.

"Wotcher, Harry" Tonks said, opening the door. "What's wrong?" She asked with concern in her voice.

"Why are you here?" Harry harshly asked.

"I came to thank you for the leftovers, they were delicious. But I see you ain't in the mood." She started closing the door.

"Wait…" Harry sight. "Sorry. You are right. I'm in a bad mood. I'm so angry right now and I don't know exactly why." He confided in her.

"Okay, Harry. Give me a moment and I'll be back." She didn't wait for an answer. He sat more properly on bed. "All right, kid, what's bothering you? Is it something serious?"

"Eh… Hermione an…" Harry started.

"Ok if this includes a girl it is serious." She waved her wand on the door sealing it and setting privacy spells. Then she reached into her bag and she pulled out a bottle of firewhiskey. "Kid I give you some of it to help you talk but no one can know." Harry nodded. She poured whiskey into their glasses. Giving him a glass she asked him "So what happened between you two?". Then she emptied her glass.

Harry hesitated for a moment, then drank half a glass, grimaced and said "It's disgusting, how can anyone drink it for pleasure?!"

Tonks burst out laughing. "Y'see, it's not about taste". After a few seconds she looked at him. "So…".

Then Harry told her the whole story that had happened between him and Hermione during the lesson and right after it. He left out the intimate details, only saying that he had seen her naked in her mind. Tonks could tell he was holding something back, but she didn't force him to say anything more. After that He drank the rest of the firewhiskey he had in glass.

"Do you have any idea why she ran out of the room like this? Or why am I so angry at everyone?" Harry asked.

"I have no idea why you're angry." she answered his second question by pouring alcohol into their glasses. "But, I have suspicions about Hermione."

"Tell me, please." Harry requested eagerly.

"You said that you like the way she looks. You know that she has insecurities about her appearance?" Tonks looked at him and saw that he didn't really know what she was talking about. "Eh… Kid, listen up, she has a complex about her body. When I was talking with her a few weeks ago when she arrived here, she told me that her tooth was shrunken by accident. That was her BIGGEST complex but not only. How long have you seen her as a girl and not as a sexless creature or boy who is sleeping in another dorm?" She asked him.

Before answering, Harry took a sip from his glass. "About two years ago, somewhere around the middle of my third year, I realized this. But why does it matter?"

"One moment. Ok, you see her as a girl. Did you tell her this or act like you noticed her as a girl?" She asked.

"What do you mean by that? I was supposed to go to her and tell her 'hi Hermione from now I see you as a girl, is that ok?'" He said mockingly.

"Harry, you are so clueless. Eh… Last year, did you tell her at yule ball that she is pretty? Have you ever carried books for her? Have you ever given her a gift that wasn't a book? Like jewellery or flowers?" Harry was gobsmacked. "Harry, when you told her something like 'I liked what I saw' she felt humiliated. Treated like a sports broom in a shop window. Combined with her complexes, she simply felt judged not as a person but as an object that could be used." Tonks saw in Harry's eyes that finally he understood.