Chapter 22: "Nothing made sense."

Kagome

The familiar pink light surrounded me. The last thing I saw was Sesshomaru standing above me, staring down at me. The pink glow disappeared. I looked up. I was back in the well-house. I pressed against the dirt. I silently begged for it to let me back, but it wasn't working. He must have done something to the well. What was going on? What was all that fire? Nothing made sense about any of this. Not only did he want me gone, but he wanted me to stay gone. My heart was breaking in my chest. What had I done to deserve this? I put my hand over my heart. This feeling was different. Different from any way I'd ever been hurt. It was worse. My throat felt tight. I didn't move, I didn't speak. I opened my mouth to scream in anger, but nothing came out. I sat there like that. I wasn't sure for how long. I pounded my fists into the dirt. I had all of this pain and anger inside me, and I had no idea what to do with it. I curled up in a ball and just cried silently. I woke up inside the well, covered in dirt and ash. I smelled of smoke. I must have cried myself to sleep.

I stood, and my entire body felt sore. I ignored the pain and grabbed my pack, climbing up the wall of the well. I was just a body operating on autopilot. I swung my legs over, landing on the floor. I let my pack hit the ground. I slowly walked to the doors and slid them open. It was nighttime. I wondered how long I had slept for. I blinked and let my eyes just to the bright city lights after being in the dark for so long. My heart almost stopped when they settled on the person standing before me. It was the same look he had in his eyes while we were in bed right before he ripped my heart out.

"Hello, Kagome," he said softly.

I could feel my eyes glossing over again. Was I seeing things? Was this a dream or a nightmare? No... I was wide awake. I swallowed hard, trying to hold back my tears. I couldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Not again.

"Do not say my name," I whispered.

"Kagome, please. Let me explain." He pleaded.

I put my hand up. "DO NOT. SAY MY NAME! Stay away from me!" I screamed.

I noticed the ring was still on my finger. I pried it off and threw it at him. It hit his chest. He watched it hit the ground and picked it up, placing it in his pocket. He had this hurt look on his face, and it pissed me off even more. I didn't know he was capable of making that kind of expression. Or feel any emotions at all, for that matter.

"Please-"

"No, please, nothing! You get nothing from me. Not now, not ever again. Do you remember when I asked- no, when I begged you for an explanation? Yet you still did that to me! You still hurt me that way. I do not want to hear anything from you. Not a single word!"

He took another step, and my hands cracked with holy energy. He stopped in his tracks, looking at them.

His eyes softened. "You will not hurt me, Kagome. I know you."

"BULLSHIT! You do not know me. Just like I don't know you. I never knew you. What happened to you taking care of your own? You made me believe- I thought that we-"

My voice cracked. I was getting choked up again. I couldn't hide my pain. I was crying now, and I hated myself for it. I wasn't supposed to be weak... I wasn't supposed to let him see me like this. I hoped he felt every single bit of the raw emotion that I was feeling. He just stood there, giving me this pitiful look.

"Don't you dare look at me that way. You did this to me! You are the reason I'm like this. You threw me away and forced me to go home after you had your fill of me. I fulfilled my purpose. Remember? I know you didn't care about me, but you didn't have to treat me like that! If you were going to hurt me this way, you should have never-"

I cut myself off, covering my mouth and trying to muffle the sounds of my ugly sobs.

"Kagome-"

"NO! Just leave. You should have never saved me." I said, whispering the last part.

I turned back to the well-house.

"You cannot go back. I'm sure you know that."

I knew that, but I wanted to get away from him.

I stopped in my tracks, looking over my shoulder at him, my body still violently shaking.

"What did you do?"

"I destroyed the well on the other side. Only moments after I forced you to go."

I slowly turned to face him. I wasn't sure if I had heard him right. He destroyed the well. I could never go back. I would never be able to see Kaede, Rin. I would never see any of my friends again. I was completely cut off from everyone, forever.

"Do you hate me that much?" I whispered. "What have I ever done to you to deserve this kind of treatment from you? If you do not want me, that is fine, but to cut me off from them…"

He took another step towards me.

"Please, I need you to let me explain. "

My mouth felt dry. "I never want to see you again."

There it was. That sad, sorry look was on his face again.

"I know that you are angry, and you are grieving all at once, but I am begging you-

"THIS IS NOT GRIEF, I HATE YOU!"

I pushed past him and ran to my front door. I grabbed the key from under the rug. I opened the door and quickly went inside. I closed the door behind me. I leaned against it and sank to the floor. I placed my hand over my heart. I couldn't stop the void forming where my heart used to be.

For him, it had been five hundred years. For me, it'd only been a few hours. I didn't care what his explanation was. No explanation could ever be enough for the way he treated me. Or for the things he did. I could hear his footsteps coming closer. They stopped at the front door. He stood there for a while not saying anything. I let out a deep breath. I hoped he would stay quiet and go away. I relaxed once I heard him walking away. I wiped my face with the backs of my hands.

"Mama!" I cried out.

There was no answer. I picked myself up and I went into the kitchen. By the sound of it, the house was empty. It was nighttime, but it was too early for them to be asleep. That's when I noticed a note on the counter. I read it. She and Grandpa were on a trip. They left this note in case we'd stopped by. I looked at the calendar on the fridge. They wouldn't be back for almost two weeks. There was an envelope under the note. It most likely had money in it. I trudged into the living room and lay on the couch. I didn't have the energy to make it to my room upstairs. I curled up on the couch and wrapped my arms around myself.

"I will be fine," I said quietly to myself.

My poor attempt at self-reassurance failed.

Would I be fine, or was that just another lie I told myself?

The following morning, I woke up on the couch. It took me a while to move. My body felt heavy. I was tired, but it had nothing to do with being physically tired. My heart was tired. I only ended up moving because I was filthy, and I needed to bathe. I wallowed in self-pity for twenty more minutes. That's how long it took. For me to find the energy to get to the bathroom. That was about an hour ago. I had been sitting in the tub since then. The water had gotten cold, but I didn't care. Nothing could make me feel worse than the new reality I was living in. I had been mated, then discarded. Now, I was alone. I would never see my friends again, and I couldn't do anything about it. I was home-sick. For a place that was no longer my home. A place I'd been kicked out of. How sad was that? I had spent enough time feeling sorry for myself. I got out of the tub and dried off. It was getting closer to summer. I threw on a sundress. I needed some fresh air. If I stayed locked inside, I'd get more and more depressed. I jogged down the shrine steps. The morning air felt good. I missed walking through crowds of people like this. It was a nice little distraction. It sort of made me feel like my old self again. I laughed to myself, but it was a bitter one. I wanted to be free again. Free of the guards and the maids. It turns out I got my wish.

The irony.

It made me feel somewhat normal. I wasn't paying attention and bumped into something hard. I looked up, ready to give them a piece of my mind, but I stopped seeing who it was.

"Hojo?"

He seemed just as surprised as I was.

He smiled. "Kagome?"

He pulled me into a tight hug.

"When did you get back?"

I gave him a small smile. "Last night, actually."

"Are you busy right now?"

I shook my head.

"No, why?"

He smiled. "Do you want to go and get some breakfast? My treat."

I hesitated. "Sure, why not?"

I needed the distraction. I needed something to delay my inevitable falling apart.

Hold it in, Kagome.

Hold it in.

Don't let it show.

I followed him for a while until we came to a small cafe. If you weren't paying attention, you would have missed it. It was tucked away in one of those small alleyways. It was cozy. We got a table by the back and ordered some breakfast.

He gave me a bright smile. "Are you alright?"

I shrugged. "I'm doing fine."

It was the best answer I could come up with.

The many knots in my stomach said otherwise.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I gave him a small, sad smile. "You saw right through my lie, huh?"

He smiled and nodded. "You never were a good liar, but I never questioned you. I always assumed that you had a good reason to do it."

"It's just that... there was just this guy… I don't know if it's hard to explain. It is very complicated."

The truth is I wanted to talk about it. I needed to. It was eating away at me.

He shrugged. "Try me, you never know."

I took a deep breath. "It's just that there's this guy. We spent all this time together. I ended up falling for him, like the idiot that I am. I always wondered if he felt the same way. I was leaning toward the he doesn't return my feelings side. Recently, he did something terrible that proved me right. He threw me out and told me to go as if I meant nothing to him. I gave him parts of myself I'd never given to anyone before. I let him in, and he just stepped all over my feelings. Then last night, he showed up at my house, begging me to let him explain why he did what he did. As if there could ever be any explanation for that."

Hojo had this sad look in his eyes. The last thing I wanted was someone's pity. I sniffled, rubbing my eyes and refusing to cry again.

"Please don't pity me. It'll just make me feel worse."

He placed his hand on top of mine.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing wrong with you, Kagome. He has to be an idiot to have chased you away like that. You're amazing. There is something wrong with him."

The waitress brought our food over. I started digging in. I didn't realize how hungry I was. Or maybe I was eating my feelings.. I guess crying all night works up an appetite. I looked up and saw Hojo watching me. I practically swallowed my food whole. I could feel myself blushing. I probably looked like a pig.

"Sorry," I said, wiping my mouth with the napkin.

He smiled. "No need to apologize. People need to eat. Besides, you've always had a big appetite."

I laughed. "What a nice way to say I stuff my face."

He chuckled. "Hey look, I don't know if you're up for it, but there's this thing at the company I work for. I am allowed to bring a plus one. It's one hundred percent not a date. I honestly think you could use some fun. You need a friend right now, and I'm right here… if you're willing."

I hesitated. "You know what, yeah, it sounds like it could be fun. It's not like I'm doing anything. When is it?"

I needed as many distractions as I could get my hands on.

"It is sometime in the next week or so. The theme is dress to impress."

I looked down at my clothes. "Me? Dress to impress? How long have you known me?" I laughed. "When have I ever dressed to impress?"

"True, but then again, you've never needed to."

I playfully rolled my eyes. "Still a big flirt, I see."

He chuckled. "I'm hurt. I am not a player. I've only ever been this way for you."

"Oh, come on."

"No, seriously. Yeah, there have been other women, but none of them were you. Don't worry, I'm not expecting anything from you. I enjoy spending time with you. Especially since you've been gone all this time. You know I mean it. What other guy would bring you all of those strange foods and remedies? To heal your many illnesses."

I laughed out loud. "I still can't believe you did all of that."

He grinned, shrugging. "Hey, what can I say? I'm a nice guy. Besides, I knew you weren't sick all that time. It was just an excuse to see you."

"This is true," I admitted.

"What were you doing all this time?"

I'm glad he changed the subject. Maybe he read the room. Being flirted with was the last thing I needed right now.

I smiled and just looked at him.

"C'mon, tell me."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Hojo."

He smiled. "You underestimate me."

I took a deep breath; here goes nothing. "Alright then. It all started when I was fifteen."

He just stared back at me with a blank look. You could tell he was trying to process everything he had just heard.

I sighed. "I know that demons sounds like a stretch."

He looked at me strangely. "No, they don't. It's the magical time-traveling well that threw me. There are demons all around us, Kagome. They always have been. Take a look around you."

I stopped. Last night, when I saw Sesshomaru, he looked like he normally did. Magenta Stripes and all. He just wore a suit. I looked around the cafe, realizing it. There were demons and humans all around us. How did I not notice it before? What had changed in the past that allowed demons to exist in modern times?

"I mean, to be fair, the more I think about it. A time-traveling well isn't too far-fetched. Especially with all of the things demons are capable of. It's just one day you think you know someone, and the next, you find out they were a superhero fighting demonic evil in another time. All while trying to pass high school. It'd make a good movie."

"Oh, please. I was not a superhero. Just a girl who leaped through time. It was a great experience. I saved people. I made some friends I will always hold near and dear to me. Even though I'll never get to see them again."

"Why's that?"

"Remember that guy I told you about? The one who broke my heart and tossed me out."

He nodded.

"He destroyed the well on the other side so I couldn't go back. So, that's why I'll never see my friends again. Not the human ones, at least."

"What a dick. Why would he do that?"

I shrugged. "Who knows? I have no intention of asking him, though."

What did you see in him?"

I sighed. "Well, being with him saved my life in a literal sense. We did this whole thing and basically got married. It was a little weird, and it all happened so fast. He was a prince, and there was a ball; someone lost their hands. Not my favorite moment. That part is too much to get into."

"A prince?"

I laughed. "I said someone lost their hands, and that's what you heard?"

I grinned. "I mean."

I sipped my orange juice and nodded.

"The next thing you'll tell me is there was a castle."

"I guess you could call it that. Or a palace, maybe? It was heavily guarded… so then maybe it was a castle. Both words are interchangeable, I guess."

"Wow. A handsome demon prince with a castle managed to save your life. Any guy after is going to have a hard time beating that."

I laughed. "I guess so…" I trailed off.

He dropped some cash down on the table. "Come on, let's go shopping."

"Shopping?"

"You have to dress to impress, remember?"

My shoulders slumped down. "Hojo, come on. I'm not letting you pay for my things. I have my own money."

He dropped the money on the table and smiled. "Yeah, yeah, let's go," he said, pulling me along.

This morning, that went well into the afternoon and was one hell of a distraction. Hojo pulled me from department store to department store. It wasn't enough to fully keep it off my mind, but it kept my sadness at bay. I know the moment I was alone, the dam would burst all over again. I told him he didn't need to do all this, but he insisted. So the shopping continued, for him and me. I mean, it wasn't the worst way to spend a morning. Being held hostage and being 'forced' to get nice things that you wanted. A few hours into it, I told myself it was that bad. I'd had a crappy day and a half. I deserved a bit of happiness. Even if it was only temporary. Hojo had even scheduled a hair appointment for me. On the same day as the event. He paid ahead, too. So I wouldn't try to pay for it myself. We piled all of the bags into the backseat of his car. He got in the car, and I got in next to him. We sat there in silence for a little while until he broke the silence.

"Hungry?"

I smiled. "Always."

He revved up the engine and sped off. We ended up going to a fast food spot. We were in the parking lot eating. The sound of us stuffing our faces filled the car. I finished the last of my food and downed my drink.

"So, how did you end up here? What have you been up to while I've been gone?" I asked him.

He wiped his mouth. "Well, nothing major. I did what most people do. I went to college and got a couple of degrees. Then, I got a good job at a company. Now, I'm here with you."

I smiled. "I love how you say you got a couple of degrees as if that's not a difficult thing to do. But yeah, you were always just that normal guy, weren't you?"

He shot me a smile. "I'm far from normal Kagome."

"You're as normal as normal gets, Hojo. You were popular in school. All the girls were crazy about you. You got great grades. You could tell your life was going to turn out great."

"Says the time-traveling demon slayer," he joked.

I smiled. "Yeah, yeah. You wanna know something?"

"Always."

"Do you remember that family tree you showed me? The one that had our names on it."

He chuckled. "Of course I do."

"I met them, our ancestors. Your ancestor, Hojo, looks exactly like you."

He smiled. "So, what you're saying is he was extremely handsome."

"You're so much more full of yourself than I remember."

"What can I say? I grew into myself. These couple of years have been good to me. I'm just glad his genes got passed down. What happened to them?"

"Oh, they got married."

"Married?"

I nodded. "Married."

"Lucky man. Maybe I didn't inherit everything from my ancestor after all."

I smiled. "Your luck had to run out sometime." I teased.

"You know, Kagome, I can't even begin to imagine the adventures you've been on."

"Well, if you're willing to listen. I have nothing but time."

He smiled. Good thing it's early because I'd love to hear it."

We just sat in the parking lot, spending the next few hours talking to him about everything I'd done in the Feudal era. Every friend we made along the way. Every demon that we had fought. The countless number of times I had almost died, and Hojo was hanging on every single word. It was nice to have someone to talk to about all of this. I hadn't even realized the sun was starting to go down. I was having so much fun reminiscing. He managed to distract me from the crappy way I was feeling, and I was thankful for it.

"Jesus, Kagome."

I smiled. "I know, tell me about it. Sitting here explaining to you is crazy, and I lived it."

He shook his head. "To live through all of that and you were only fifteen. You put my last decade to shame," he joked.

He checked his phone. "It's getting late. I should get you home," he said, starting the car.

I buckled my seat belt. "Yeah, you can take the -"

He smiled. "No need, I remember the way."

I laughed.

Of course, he did.

I was enjoying the ride listening to the radio. Until I saw the shrine steps off in the distance. Going home meant being alone. Being alone would mean I would do nothing but think and hurt myself all over again. He pulled up next to the shrine steps.

"Kagome?" I snapped out of it and turned to him.

"Yeah?"

"We're here. Are you okay?"

I nodded and got out of the car, closing the door behind me. He got out and handed me my bags.

"Will you be home tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I will. Why do you ask?"

"I'm off tomorrow too. If it's okay with you, I could stop by tomorrow and bring some snacks. We could make a whole day of it. It's just that... you look like you could use a friend right now."

I felt my lip quiver, but I held it in.

I gave him a small smile. "Yeah, I would like that. Thank you."

We said our goodbyes, and I headed up the shrine steps. Carrying around my pack prepared me for walking up the shrine steps with all these bags. I would just have to deal with feelings tonight. I had something to look forward to tomorrow. I made it to the top. I headed over to my front door. A small envelope stuck out of the crevice. I switched my bag to one arm and plucked it. I grabbed the key and shuffled inside. I kicked the door shut behind me and set the bags down. I tore the envelope open. It was a phone number on the inside. I flipped the car over. On the back was a single name. Sesshomaru. I crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash. I curled up on the couch.

There it was. The dam had burst again.