A/N: HAHA! You thought I was gone forever didn't you! But more on that later. This A/N is just to issue a content warning: Ecchi content ahead. This fic is rated M for a reason y'all!
Chapter Twelve
The wind skimmed the surface of the water, folding it into delicate foaming crests that shone as white as the moon. Gray stared out at the inky vastness. The sea at night was as dark as Ur's eyes. He unlooped the cord around his neck, eyeing the glowing vial that dangled at the dip in the string. "Tell me. Am I doing the right thing?" The wind carried the words away, unheard.
"Can't sleep?" Lucy asked, stepping out of the pool of light cast by the single lamp on deck.
Gray shook his head. "You?"
"I was with Natsu and Wendy. Natsu's going a bit stir crazy, being confined to his cabin for the entire trip. I think he might set the boat on fire." She made an embarrassed face. The motion-sickness lacrima had a limited sphere of influence, which ensured the poor dragon slayers spent much of their time indoors, below deck.
"He wouldn't be Natsu if he didn't at least destroy something on this trip."
Lucy giggled. "Maybe Shou and Wally will give us a discount on the cost of repairs because of Erza."
Gray gave her a wan smile and turned back to the water. Somewhere a sailor shouted orders in a language they did not understand. Lucy rested her crossed arms on the railing and said, "A Jewel for them."
"A Jewel for what?"
"Your thoughts. You look more serious than usual."
"It's nothing."
Lucy made a humming noise and shrugged lightly. The sea breeze was gentle and cool; it soothed the ache in her heart. Maybe that was why Gray was standing here too. Something about the tranquillity of the night sea drew troubled souls to it, and Mavis knew, the group was more troubled than most. Hadn't she just left Erza on the starboard side, staring equally pensively at the water?
Gray's low murmur shook her from her thoughts. "Have you ever," he asked, "known the right thing to do, and yet somehow found yourself unable to do it?"
Lucy waited for him to elaborate. "Something that your head knows is the right thing, but your heart refuses to agree," he continued, "And it doesn't even know why. It just screams 'no.'"
She drummed her fingers along the wooden railing as she pondered the question. "Sometimes, when I'm anxious, I find myself unable to do things that I rationally know I must do. My heart just vetoes whatever carefully reasoned logic my brain presents. Maybe because it feels safer with what is familiar. So it chooses to tread water and fight the current, instead of letting itself be swept along over the waterfall. Even if my brain knows that there's treasure at the bottom."
Gray shook his head. "It's not that. I don't think so anyway. I'm not anxious. If anything, not doing the right thing is probably more treacherous." The waves sloshed against the hull of the ship and he searched for a coded message in their easy rhythm. Could Ur hear him? Did she have an answer?
"At first I thought it was because I did not want to miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime chance and that I was being selfish. But the more I think about it the more certain I am that it's not that. My heart knows, just as strongly as my brain does, that I shouldn't do it, even if I might be unable to live with the consequences."
Lucy noticed belatedly, the bright green glow emanating from Gray's clenched fist. Comprehension dawned in her eyes. However, merely understanding the problem rarely helps one solve it. "Maybe it's a premonition," she offered. She winced at the feebleness of her suggestion.
Gray scoffed. "I'm not Cana."
"Let's call it instinct then. Or a gut feeling."
"Instinct eh?" Gray rolled the word around his mouth, as if testing it. "And how do you know if your instincts are right?"
"You don't. You just have to see what happens."
He snorted. "That's helpful."
That made her a little peeved. "Look Gray," she said, "There's time before you have to make a decision. Have you even considered that there might be more than two options? Instead of wallowing, think if there's a way to achieve both your goals." She gave an irritated huff and left.
Gray gawped after her. It was not that he had never thought of it, but the surety of her tone made him wonder if maybe he had not been trying hard enough. It was true, he had done nothing to solve the problem except tell Jellal about it. Perhaps, instead of brooding over the morality of his choice, he needed to set about making sure it was the right one. With newfound determination, he stowed the Potion of Abdication in his pocket and strode off.
Lucy stalked away from Gray. Maybe she had been a bit harsh on him, but her mind was still muddled from what had happened earlier that evening. Her cheeks flamed as her mind flashed back to the incident. The motion-sickness lacrima had been running low on magic, so she had insisted on tucking Natsu and Wendy into bed. The lacrima would take at least a day to recharge and she had thought that it would be easier on them if they slept through most of it.
Wendy had already been fast asleep when she had sat down on the edge of Natsu's bed. Little beads of sweat had dotted his forehead, evidence that the lacrima was almost out of magic. "Lucy," he had muttered, not quite awake and yet not quite asleep either. He had wriggled off his blanket and said, "It's too hot!" His fingers had plucked futilely at the buttons on his waistcoat, not coordinated enough to undo them.
"Let me." She had gently grabbed his agitated hands and moved them away, before proceeding to undo the buttons. Damn, Lucy felt her pulse picking up just at the memory of it. How she had diligently avoided touching his skin as she slowly undid button after button. How his golden, tanned skin had revealed itself inch by careful inch, his chiselled body somehow more beautiful when unveiled this way as compared to the thousands of times she had seen him shirtless. How she had been unable to resist brushing a finger against his abdomen, so hard, so firm, as she had undone the last button.
She had suddenly become aware of a heat behind her elbow, something that burned hotter even than Natsu's usual elevated temperature. She had turned to see an unusual fold in Natsu's trousers, the fabric not tight enough to tell her if it was what she had thought it was. She had wondered if she could 'accidentally' brush her elbow against it, to confirm her suspicions. Her mouth had gone dry at the thought.
"Lucy," Natsu had whispered. She had dragged her eyes away from the apex of his thighs and refocused on his face. The look in his eyes had made her feel things in a place she had not been previously aware could even feel things. He had sat up in bed, his hot hands coming to rest on her bare waist. Her hands had automatically pushed his unbuttoned waistcoat off his shoulders, just seconds before he pulled her onto his lap. Yup, her suspicions had been correct. She could feel him, firm and fiery under her thighs.
Lucy vaguely remembered being grateful that Wendy had been in the bunk above them and already fast asleep. They had relative privacy for whatever it was they had been doing. Maybe it had been a bit weird, the place and the position, but Lucy had been unable of forming coherent thought beyond the words, 'Natsu' and 'want.' Even those had flown out of her head when he had begun to nuzzle her collarbone.
She had bit back a whimper as one of his hands had slipped under her to pull her closer, while the other had swept up to the middle of her back, angling her better as she had pressed herself into him. Her stupid, tight skirt kept her legs pressed together, even when she wanted so badly to straddle him and feel him against her most intimate of areas. Twisted sideways, her legs dangling off the edge of the bed, she had squirmed in an attempt to get more contact. The low growl Natsu had let out at that had thrilled her.
His head had dipped into the crook of her neck and his tongue had darted out to taste her skin. He had kissed her there once, before moving on to the shell of her ear. His scorching tongue had traced the whorls of her ear before sliding into the centre. Embarrassment flooded her as she remembered how that had made her rub herself against him like a cat, seeking whatever friction she could get.
Finally, his lips had traced a path along her cheek, to her aching lips. His face had lifted away from hers, to meet her eyes. She had nodded at him and licked her lips in anticipation. Lust had clouded his eyes when they had followed the darting motion of her tongue. His head had tilted and his lips had been slowly moving towards her own… when suddenly his cheeks puffed had up and he turned green. The motion-sickness lacrima had run out. He had flopped down onto the bed, his spine deflating just as other parts of him had deflated. "Sorry," he had murmured weakly before passing out.
Lucy kicked her bedstead in frustration. She felt shame at her own wantonness but also an extreme, almost antsy sense of dissatisfaction. Of course she had been mean to Gray. He was being a whiny baby and she had bigger problems to solve. Such as the fact that she was turning into one of those sex-crazed heroines from Erza's ecchi novels. She lay down in bed and stared at the wooden ceiling, wondering just how many pairs of her underwear would be ruined before she and Natsu managed to share their first kiss.
The carriage tilted to the left as it took the curve in the road faster than was prudent. Crocus loomed ahead, the spires of the palace coming into view, shining emerald in the morning sun.
Dread settled in the pit of Erza's stomach. The lightness and relief she had felt after her conversation with Jellal had lasted a surprisingly long while. She had even managed to talk to Wally and Shou about him and how he had changed without too much distress. Yet, the moment she set foot on Fiorian soil, it occurred to her that she might see him again at Warrod-sama's wedding. She could feel both her defences and resolve crumbling. Afterall, she and Jellal had parted ways once before. That had lasted for all of three days until she had seen him again at the Grand Magic Games. Was it mere coincidence that their next meeting would occur at the site of their previous reconciliation?
She should not miss him. How could she miss someone whom she barely saw in the first place? Nothing had really changed. She would see him as sporadically as ever. And yet. Her heart hurt. She missed him more fiercely now than she had the months he had been locked up in Era. It was not just the Jellal of the present that had been taken away from her, but the Jellal of the future too. Of her future. Their future together. She blinked back the tears that had snuck their way out her closed cage of emotions. No. She had made the right choice. The pain she felt was unbearable, but it would fade. A lump sum as compared to the steady annuity she would have subscribed to if she had not done what she did. She had to believe in that.
One of the stallions whinnied loudly as they drew up to the palace. She was not sure how he had managed it, given the animosity between the Magic Council and the royal family but Warrod-sama had convinced Queen Hisui to give over rooms in the palace to the guests of the wedding. One very loud exclamation of surprise, an ensuing cacophony, twenty-eight cries of 'Gray-sama!' and a brief flood later, the seven of them were shown to their rooms. Wally and Shou chose to stay in a hotel in the city despite Erza's assurances that they would be welcome at the palace. She did, however manage to convince them to come to the reception after the wedding. After all, she had a surprise reunion planned for Wally. A smile crept onto her face.
"Nice to see someone's feeling better," Gray remarked dryly.
"Hn. You are a fine one to talk, I am not the one who was moping around the ship for 3 weeks. Your negative energy was so strong that Plue fell sick."
"That's right, you were walking around with a grey cloud above your head," Charle said.
"A grey cloud for Gray!" Happy exclaimed.
"Oh ho ho, good joke Happy!" Natsu said.
"You wouldn't know a good joke if it lit itself on fire and appeared on your dinnerplate."
"Want to come closer and repeat that, droopy eyes?"
"I'd be happy to do it as many times as it takes to penetrate that thick skull of yours, squinty eyes."
Natsu and Gray butted heads, literally and metaphorically, neither willing to lose to the other. Erza sighed and closed her eyes. If things started getting out of hand, she would intercede. But until then, she deserved a little nap.
"Dearly beloved-kabo," the pumpkin headed man began, "we are gathered here today to-" His voice broke off and he squinted at the sheet of paper in his hand. The erstwhile king of Fiore turned to the curtain behind him and gave it a pained look. Well, as pained a look a carved pumpkin could give.
"Go on, go on!" The fierce whisper from behind the curtain was clearly audible throughout the hall. "Keep going!"
The pumpkin turned back to the paper in his hand, seemingly at a loss to continue. The gathered crowd grew restless, heads began turning towards the entryway, wondering if the mystery bride for the event would turn up. The only guests on the bride's side of the aisle were a pair of rosy-cheeked farmers wearing leather shorts and suspenders.
"Fine, I'll do it!" Warrod stepped out from behind the curtain in flowing robes. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today so that your favourite council member-"
He was interrupted by a few murmurs of 'I like Hyberion-sama better' and one very loud 'You'd better say Jura is your favourite of I'll spin all of you!'
Warrod cleared his throat pointedly, "So that he can marry..." he paused dramatically. "This wine and this cheese!" He waved his arms with a flourish and tiny vines sprung from the floor and drew back the curtains. To his left was a table piled high with rounds of pale yellow cheese. On the other side of the dais was a proud pyramid of bottles. "After over a year of talks with the Alakitasian government we have finally agreed upon the terms of the peace treaty. As of this morning, Ishgar and Alakitasia, for the first time in history, are allies!"
At this, one of the farmers on the bride's side of the aisle snapped a finger. Rivulets of sand began to run down their faces, revealing Ajeel and his grandfather. Another finger-snap later, the empty pews were filled with people. Brandish stepped out from behind a pillar at the side of the room. Her eyes met Lucy's and she gave a little wave.
As one, the surviving members of the Spriggan 12 reached across the aisle to shake the hands of the Fiorian wizards they had battled a little over a year ago. Whooping and cheering erupted in the hall. Ajeel and Jura pressed their hands together, performing a Unison Raid that made fingers of earth filter out through the cracks in the stone floor and deliver glasses to all the attendees. Warrod's plant magic helped to uncork and pour the wine. Lucy noticed the label 'Pinot No-war' and grimaced at the pun.
"A toast," said Ajeel, "To a long-lasting and prosperous peace between Ishgar and Alakitasia!"
The roar of 'Hear! Hear!'s muffled the sound of clinking glasses. "Now," said Warrod, draining his glass, "to celebrate the only way we Ishgarians know how. Let's drink!"
Six hours later, the party was still raging on. Gray swirled the dregs of wine in his glass. It was not his preferred drink, but it was alcoholic, so it would do. On the bench beside him, Erza picked listlessly through her slice of cake, mashing it into a pudding of cake crumbs and icing. It was the first time he had seen her not eat strawberry cake. Her previous joy and excitement at reuniting first Wally and his brother, Hoteye and then Milliana and her old comrades, had worn off. She had laughed with them and made merry, and even though her joy had been genuine, Gray could see the undercurrent of anxiety and sadness on her face. Now that the other four had left, she would look around the room every now and then with a curious mixture of hope and dread on her face. Gray would have comforted her, if he had not been looking for the same man himself.
"Gray-sama, would you like to dance with Juvia?" A familiar presence hovered by his shoulder. Erza looked up at the sound and her bleak eyes met Gray's briefly. Later, he would blame the wine. In honesty, it was the culmination of years of guilt; staggered one after the other by the women who had sacrificed their lives for his undeserving soul, and the despair on the face of the only person who had ever made him want to sacrifice his.
"Juvia. We need to talk."
"G-gray-sama,"she started, her voice tailing away as Gray began walking towards the exit. His stride was so swift and so sure that she had to sprint to catch up with him. "G-Gray-sama, what's wrong?"
He lead her out of the hall, through a corridor and then down another. Juvia found her feet slowing of their own accord. She suspected she would finally get the answer she had been waiting for today. Faced with the certainty of the prospect, her wild imagination was at a loss as to predict what was going to happen. The expression on her beloved hero's face had been inscrutable. Something in her told her to stop, turn back and run away. That maybe she would not get the answer she hoped for. But her feet would not do that either. Steadily, they marched forward, one step at a time. Maybe Meredy was right. Her whole life revolved around Gray-sama, so much so that her own body disobeyed her when she asked it to walk away from him.
She finally caught up with him in the dingy corridor that turned away from the main bulk of the building, leading to the kitchens. "Gray-sama, please stop. What is it?"
"Juvia," he said, his back to her, "I know I promised you an answer, and that I have failed twice now in giving it to you."
"It's OK. Juvia knows it is hard for Gray-sama. Juvia is happy to wait."
"No!" He whirled around to face her, his tone harsh. "It's not fair to you. I- I have decided. I will give you your answer today."
Her heart thundered in her ears. No. She was not ready for it. The expression on his face was too different from the dewy-eyed rhapsodising of her daydreams. Surely, waiting indefinitely was better than the definiteness of rejection?
"Juvia." He brought his fingers up to her face, their tips barely grazing her cheek, as though he wanted to cup her face but could not bring himself to commit to the action. "I… I care for you. A lot. You are very important to me."
There was that thundering again. Could one person's heart really cause such a racket? Maybe they were setting off fireworks somewhere in the palace grounds. She placed her hand lightly upon the one that hovered by her face, not daring to rest it on his lest he feel the weight of her hopes. Hopes that had grown exponentially in the last ten seconds.
"I- I don't know if I love you."
Crack. His words burned through her. If one stands in a thunderstorm, one is bound to get hit.
"But, I would like to try."
No. That heat had not been a thunderbolt, it had been the gentle parting of the clouds and the warmth of the smiling sun on her face. The feeling he gave her, when her whole life had been nothing but rain.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is," he paused, uncertainty flickering across his features, "would you like to go out on a date?"
He thought she was too stunned to reply. In actuality, she had clamped her lips shut until she could find a way to express the sheer joy coursing through her veins in a more decorous fashion than a series of whoops and cartwheels. However, she could not help the grin that nearly split her face in two. "Yes. YES! A thousand times yes!"
She threw her arms around him ardently and tried to ignore the fact that his hands came to rest on her back a little too late and a little too tentatively for everything to be truly alright.
He scanned the crowd from the balcony, choosing to remain detached from society, accustomed to walking in the shadows. He spotted the dark blonde head of Dimaria Yesta in the southwest corner of the room, where she sat with her girlfriend; her arm draped across her waist and her head resting against the spiky headband Brandish always wore. Good. Target acquired. Now to quickly speak with her and get out of the place.
His eyes flickered involuntarily towards a familiar red head, bent low in contemplation over the mutilated carcass of what had once been strawberry cake. She had been the first person he had noticed when he arrived. Well, it was only natural, she was pretty hard to miss. Her hair hung down straight and unadorned past her shoulders. It made an odd contrast with the elegant evening gown she wore. He thought back to the last time he had seen her with her hair up and he winced. Maybe the hairstyle was a more deliberate choice than he had first thought.
He knew he should just find a moment to speak with Dimaria and then leave. He knew it was over between them. Heck, he was choking on all the things he knew, all the things he should do and how poorly they aligned with the things he wanted to do. But, they could still be friends, right? He found himself standing next to her before he knew what was happening. The faint tinge of hope in her otherwise dismayed expression made his heart flutter and then fall.
"Hi."
"Jellal."
"Would you like to dance?"
Erza was already out of her seat with her hand in his outstretched one before her expression faltered. "No."
"Friends can share a dance, can they not?" he asked fruitlessly. They had never been friends. He had loved her from the moment he had seen her, tiny and scratched but refusing to cry as they tossed her into their shared cell in the Tower.
The muscle in her jaw worked furiously for a minute. "We cannot keep doing this." It pained her to say the words but one of them had to make the tough choices. "We cannot keep coming together after deciding to be apart."
"It's just a dance," he said, knowing full well it was more than that.
Her eyes flashed to his and he knew that she knew as well. "Do you remember, when we are at the beach before the Grand Magic Games?"
He nodded silently.
"You still came to Crocus for the Games. To keep an eye on me. You did the same in the war against Alakitasia. Even now, you are probably thinking of the quest and its dangers. You want to protect me, so you appear. But you need to know two things Jellal. One, I will not always be in danger and two, I can take care of myself." She slipped her hand out of his and looked away. "You need to stop using it as an excuse to come back to me. Not if you cannot give me the things I want."
His outstretched hand fell limply to his side and he swallowed audibly. "You're right. I'm sorry."
"I am too."
Their eyes met and held, exchanging emotions that were beyond words.
"Will we ever be friends again?" he asked.
"Someday." Her voice was heavy with surety. She smiled.
His reached out to tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear but stopped himself just in time. "Then this really is goodbye then."
"For now."
"For now," he repeated softly before he turned and walked away.
Erza waited till he was out of sight before she allowed herself to crumble. She clutched the back of her chair, hardly able to stand, her eyes swimming with tears. It was all she could do to follow when Lucy came to discreetly lead her away.
"What do you mean you're not coming?" Natsu demanded, slamming his hands on the table. The sound was barely audible above the din of the guildhall.
Gray scratched his neck. "Look, it's not that I don't want to come. It's just that the timing isn't right."
"And why exactly would that be?" Erza set a plate bearing a slice of strawberry cake on the table and sat down beside him.
Gray mumbled something that was barely audible.
"What?!" Natsu yelled, his sensitive dragon slayer ears picking up the words anyway. He looked fit to combust. "Why would you do that?!"
"What do you mean, why?!"
"Why would you willingly sign up for that? Did someone dare you to do it? Why else would you want to spend time with-"
Gray shot to his feet. "Watch what you're saying about my g-gou-girrr…" his lips contorted. He was not quite able to bring himself to say the word. He gave up with a huff.
"Gray has a girlfriend, Gray has a girlfriend!" Natsu jeered.
Understanding flashed in Erza's eyes. "You have a date," she stated matter-of-factly.
Gray turned away from the fight he had almost started with Natsu. He flopped onto the bench, the fight suddenly going out of him. "Yeah," he said warily.
"I see," Erza said.
Her first instinct was the punch him. How dare he put his love life above the mission? Her second instinct was also to punch him. How dare he flaunt his newfound relationship in front of her heartbroken self? She ignored them both and settled for the third. "Fine. Then we will go without you."
"Um," Wendy said hesitantly. Erza had almost forgotten she had been sitting there with them. "Actually Lucy-san said she would like to spend some time in the library at the guild. She found some books to help translate the tablet."
"Fine. Then we will go without her as well." Erza was getting a little impatient. They had been hanging around the guild for a week already. With nothing to do, she found her thoughts increasingly focusing on Jellal. She needed something else to think about. She needed to get moving.
"I'm not going without Lucy," Natsu declared flatly, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Fine then! Wendy, you and I shall do it. Let us take Charle and Happy as well."
"Um, actually Cheria invited Charle and me to Margaret town to spend some time together."
What the hell, did no one else remember they were on a mission? "Fine! Happy!" she shouted, drawing the attention of the blue cat who was sitting several tables away. "You and I are going to follow Jellal's map. We leave tomorrow!"
The fiery glint in her eye sent Happy flying into Natsu's arms. "Scary! Natsu, Erza is so scary, help me."
"FINE. Then you don't need to come either! I will go alone!" Erza got to her feet and looked around the guildhall urgently. Finally spotting her target she yelled, "Lily! Come spar with me!" She needed to do something, anything, or she was going to go mad.
Lily looked up from the kiwi he was munching on. "In some time. I am eating." He looked starry-eyed at the kiwi in his hand and sighed.
Frustrated at being thwarted yet again, Erza flipped the table. It went sailing straight into Elfman's head. "Hey watch what you're doing!" He leapt up, knocking over his table in turn and sending it flying into Wakaba. In no time a brawl had broken out.
Mirajane watched Erza curiously. It was unusual to see the guild's disciplinarian instigating a fight. She carefully wiped the smudges off a beer tankard and wondered if she should intervene. She was saved the trouble when Gajeel and Levy entered the hall.
"Solid Script: Silence!" The word spun in the air, creating a small vortex that sucked away all the sound from the room. Faced with the sudden quiet, the members of the guild stopped whatever they were doing.
"Gajeel and I have an announcement," Levy said. "We are going to take advantage of the fact that Natsu and all are back."
"Gihi, that's right, we're pushing up the wedding," Gajeel continued, "And all of you are going to help us get ready for it."
"When is the new date?" Mirajane piped up, knowing that most of the planning responsibilities would fall to her.
Gajeel and Levy looked at each other and grinned. "In two months!"
Her mental to-do list began to rewrite itself, page after page slotting into an imaginary binder, overwhelming and crushing her. The task was so mammoth that her synapses overloaded and she did the only thing that was sensible to do in the situation. Mira fainted clean away.
A/N 1.5: Oof, almost forgot to reunite Wally and Hoteye there. That's why I took the chapter down and reposted. I also want to point out that even in the previous chapter, Warrod only ever said 'I am to marry' and never 'I am getting married.' My word choices tend to be deliberate, so if you're ever looking for clues for things that are going to happen, you know where to look.
A/N 2: Sorry for the super slow update. Like I said, I started my thesis, moved to another city, battled the world's dirtiest toilet in my new shared flat (I lost btw. That thing... the Exorcist was probably less horrifying than whatever that is. Any microbiologists in the house? I am confident that you can discover whole new species in that thing). I'm also sorry that not really very much happens in this chapter action-wise. I don't think I have an action-oriented chapter planned until a bit later.
A/N 3: Baha, sorry NaLu fans. Their kiss was interrupted yet again. But reck not, it will happen. Eventually. Phew, their ecchi scenes are the hardest to write. Not coz the writing is hard, but because I get too excited writing them ..
A/N 4: So August was really busy coz of work and the weekends were about getting ready to move (and well one weekend was my birthday weekend. I wrote a grand total of 250 words that time haha). I felt so terrible about not writing/updating that I used the 6 hour train journey to my new city to write. An elderly gentleman on the train asked me if I was writing a book. I spluttered, 'Sort of' and laughed a bit dementedly because telling someone you write fanfcition is always a mixed bag. Anyhow! As of September 1st, I have been moved into the world's worst student dorm and since my flatmates are terrible and I have no friends here, my weekends are free to write! So fingers and toes crossed we move back to a regular update schedule.
Thanks for reading, favouriting/following and for sticking with me. Please leave a review if you feel like it. Until next time!
