Johnny's hospital stay turned into a predictable routine. The nightmares were as much a part of the routine as anything else, and though they rattled Johnny to the core, he kept them to himself. Doctor Taylor would come in to check on him, always seeming pleased with the way he was healing. Even his ribs were starting to feel better, and he was feeling more than a little restless.

Today was no different. Doctor Taylor came in with one of the nurses, doing his usual work of unwrapping his stump and checking it over before rewrapping it in fresh bandages. "It's looking good, John. At the very least, we should be able to start getting you up and moving some."

"Great," Johnny nodded, shifting around a little. Soon, like a well-oiled machine, the nurse and one of the orderlies started removing tubes and monitors until he was free of everything. It was such a small thing, but even that small taste of freedom after being confined to bed for so long made Johnny almost giddy.

"Okay, nice and easy now," Doctor Taylor told him. "We're going to have you sit up and swing on over to the edge of the bed."

Johnny slowly started to do so. The movement felt unnatural at first, and it still threw Johnny to see what was left of his leg, but he was soon sitting up on the edge of the bed, one leg dangling.

"Good," Doctor Taylor nodded. "You should be all set to start some physical therapy. I believe your therapist should be along any time now."

Almost as soon as he spoke the words, there was a knock on the door, and someone pushed it open and entered the room. Pretty, with blonde hair down to her shoulders, in something that resembled a nurses' uniform.

"Mary Lynn, come on in," Doctor Taylor told her. "John, this is Mary Lynn. She'll be your physical therapist. Mary Lynn, this is John."

"Nice to meet you," Mary Lynn responded with a cool nod.

It seemed she wasn't going to be terribly friendly. No matter, Johnny supposed. "Nice to meet you, too."

"I'll leave you to it," Doctor Taylor told Mary Lynn before turning to Johnny. "Don't you worry, you're in very capable hands."

Johnny briefly nodded at Doctor Taylor before turning his attention to Mary Lynn. "So, you're here to whip me into shape, huh?"

Mary Lynn barely cracked a smile. "Not quite. You have a little work to do to prepare for the use of mobility aids."

"Mobility aids?"

"Yes," Mary Lynn replied. "You'll start off with a walker, then move to crutches as your balance improves. Once you're fitted for a prosthesis, you'll learn how to walk with that."

"Oh," Johnny was suddenly a little overwhelmed at the thought. "Guess I didn't know how much was involved. Thought it'd be a lot simpler than that."

Mary Lynn smiled ever so slightly. "Remember that you've been confined to bed for a while. That affects you."

"You have no idea."

Mary Lynn barely reacted to that. "We're going to go through a series of stretching exercises first. Those will help your range of motion and prepare you for your next steps."

She explained each exercise, and Johnny was surprised at how much the simple stretching exercises took out of him. He was already sore just from that. "Is it normal for it to hurt like that?" He asked.

"A little soreness is normal, but you shouldn't feel pain," she told him. "If you're in pain, stop."

Johnny took a moment to consider that before shaking his head. "No, not pain. Definitely soreness."

"Then you can work through that as long as you're gentle about it," she responded. "That wasn't bad for your first session. You'll do those exercises for ten minutes, three times a day. We'll see how you progress."

"For how long?"

"This is going to become part of your daily routine," Mary Lynn explained, "Just like brushing your teeth."

Johnny was somewhat disheartened at that. "So, for the rest of my life."

"It's your choice, of course," Mary Lynn told him, "These regular exercises will improve your quality of life. You're recover more quickly, and you'll adapt to using a prosthesis more easily."

"You've made your point," Johnny responded with a huff.

Mary Lynn did smile slightly at that. "I thought you might see it my way."

She was kind of pretty when she smiled. Johnny pushed the thought away almost immediately. He wasn't in a position to do much of anything, and she didn't seem the type to be easily charmed.

Still, since it seemed they were going to be working together for a while, maybe they could get to know each other a little. "So, uh, suppose you'll be back later?" Johnny asked as casually as he could.

"You're on my schedule," Mary Lynn answered, "and we'll discuss a more comprehensive rehabilitation plan."

Johnny wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. However, he'd do what it took to get out of this damn bed and try to start living something like a normal life. He had no idea what that meant now, but he supposed he'd start to figure it out.

Mary Lynn made some notes before closing the notebook and nodding firmly. "It was nice to meet you, John. I'll be back later."

"Yeah, nice to meet you, too," Johnny answered as he settled back in the bed, mindful of how he arranged himself. He was still having trouble wrapping his brain around the idea of his leg just being…gone.

He'd been a fireman for a long time. He knew the risks. Up until now, he'd always managed to defy the odds.

It looked like this time his luck had run out.

He lay against the pillows with a heavy sigh. Once again, he started thinking about his options. None of them held any appeal right now. All he wanted was to go back to what he loved, but that was no longer an option.

He turned on the TV again, finding an old movie and letting that distract him from his thoughts. Eventually, he would figure things out. He always did.

But he didn't have to do that right this minute. As he had so many times before, he would simply have to take the time to rest and recover, something he'd never really been all that good at.

Now he'd have to learn. He had little choice.

At some point he dozed off, only to be awakened by the sound of his door opening. Joanne and both kids came in, and Joanne greeted him with a warm smile. "Hello."

"Hey, Jo," Johnny could feel his spirits lifting somewhat.

"Uncle Johnny, Mom and Dad said you got hurt really bad," Jenny spoke up first.

"Yeah, I did," Johnny answered, "but I'm gonna be okay. Just gonna take a long time."

Chris was staring at the blankets that covered Johnny's legs, not saying a word. Joanne gave him a little nudge. "Don't stare, Chris."

"It's okay," Johnny told her before turning his attention to both kids. "See, my leg was so torn up that they couldn't put it back together. It's not like when it's broken, and they can just put a cast on it. They had to cut it off."

He started to pull back the blankets before he stopped and looked at Joanne. Joanne nodded, and he continued to pull the blankets back, revealing his stump.

Both kids seemed oddly fascinated, though neither of them seemed to know what to say. Jenny was the first to speak. "That looks so weird."

"Jenny," Joanne scolded her.

"Well, yeah, it does," Johnny acknowledged.

"Does it hurt?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, some," Johnny answered, "but not as bad as it did at first. And eventually I'm gonna have a fake leg, so it won't be that bad."

Joanne gave him a sympathetic look as both kids leaned on the bed railing. "Mom and Dad said you're gonna stay with us when you get out." Jenny said.

"That's right," Johnny replied, "Might stay so long you'll get sick of me."

Jenny giggled at that. "No I won't."

"Well, your folks might get sick of me."

"Never," Joanne told him firmly, "You know you're welcome to stay as long as you need to."

"Hoping it won't be that long," Johnny responded.

"Oh, I know. There's no place like home," Joanne answered. "But we'll make it as homey as possible."

Johnny was grateful for that, he truly was, and it was probably better that he stay with the DeSotos while he recovered. That didn't mean he wouldn't rather be in his own place. "I appreciate that, Jo. Really."

Joanne smiled warmly. "It's no trouble."

They visited for a while after that. Chris, with a few interruptions from Jenny, told him all about his baseball team while Jenny chattered on excitedly about anything and everything that crossed her mind.

The door opened, and Mary Lynn came in, greeting Joanne with a slight smile and a nod.

"I suppose that's our cue," Joanne told Johnny.

"Hey, yeah. I'll see you guys soon," Johnny responded accepting a squeeze of Joanne's hand and hugs from the kids.

After they left, Mary Lynn regarded him curiously. "Wife and kids?"

Johnny shook his head. "No, no, my partner's wife and kids. He's on duty today, otherwise he would've come with them."

"I see," Mary Lynn was writing on a notepad.

"I'm not married, you see," Johnny explained.

Mary Lynn looked up briefly before resuming her writing. Soon she set the notepad aside. "Ready to get started?"

So much for any conversation. "Yeah."

Mary Lynn took him through the same series of stretching exercises as before, adding in some upper body exercises as well. "You'll need the upper body strength one you start using mobility aids."

"Right," Johnny nodded. The whole notion of needing them filled him with resentment. "How long before I can get a prosthesis?"

"Depends on how quickly you heal, and how your stump shrinks," Mary Lynn replied, "Several weeks, at least, if not months. You have to be fully healed and cleared to bear weight before you can get to that step. You're going to have to be patient. Even then, it's going to take a long time to learn to manage the prosthesis. It's not as if you can just strap it on and go."

That was hardly what Johnny wanted to hear, but there wasn't much he could do about that. "Got it."

"Sorry, I know that's hard to hear." Mary Lynn's tone was gentler now.

"How would you know?" Johnny snapped.

Mary Lynn stood a little straighter, her jaw clearly set. "I've worked with many amputees. I don't know how it feels, personally, but I do know the recovery process very well. Well enough to know that you can't rush it. Now, let's go over your initial rehabilitation plan."

Doctor Taylor came in just as Mary Lynn was about to start, and he greeted them with a nod. "Perfect timing. Hello, Mary Lynn."

"Hello, Doctor."

He turned his attention to Johnny. "I assume you and Mary Lynn have been discussing your rehabilitation plan?"

"I was just about to start," Mary Lynn told him.

"Great," Doctor Taylor nodded, turning his attention to Johnny. "We'll need to keep you here for a few more days, just to make sure you're healing as you should, and to help you make the transition from here to a rehab facility."

"Now, hold on," Johnny immediately spoke up. "No one told me anything about that."

Doctor Taylor glanced at Mary Lynn before responding. "John, this isn't going to be as simple as it sounds. You've got some work to do before you can be sent home."

Johnny turned that over in his mind. "Maybe I don't wanna go to a rehab…facility. What if I just wanna go home?"

Doctor Taylor folded his arms over his chest. "That's your choice, of course. I can tell you that you're likely to recover more quickly if you transfer to a rehab facility before you go home. You'll get both physical and occupational therapy to help you adapt to your injury."

Johnny fell silent, utterly overwhelmed at the task ahead of him. He had known his life would change forever, but he hadn't counted on such a long road ahead. "Can I think about it?"

"You can," Doctor Taylor nodded, "In the meantime, Mary Lynn will keep working with you on inpatient physical therapy, and when you've had some time to think about it, we can discuss your next move."

Johnny nodded. "Thanks."

Doctor Taylor unfolded his arms from his chest and rested his hands on the end of the bed. "I'll leave you two to it."

With that, he left the room, and Johnny blew out a long breath. He hadn't counted on being sent to yet another hospital before going home. He was already going stir-crazy just being here.

"You know, I've worked at rehab facilities," Mary Lynn told him. "They're not so bad. You won't be confined to your bed, so you'll have a little more freedom."

"It's not the same."

"No, it's not," Mary Lynn agreed, "But it's not as bad as it sounds, either."

"I said I'd think about it," Johnny told her, "So, uh, what else do you have planned for me?"

Mary Lynn smiled ever so slightly as she explained the inpatient plan she'd written up. More stretching and strength exercises, working his way up to being able to move himself from the bed to a wheelchair, then to a walker and crutches.

"Once the swelling starts to go down, we'll get started on some massage as well," Mary Lynn explained, "That will help your residual limb be less sensitive, and will keep all the tissues from healing together. It'll help when you eventually get fitted for a prosthesis."

Johnny couldn't help himself. "Massage doesn't sound so bad, as long as you're the one doing it."

Mary Lynn merely stared at him. "Once you learn the techniques, you'll be able to do it yourself. It's better if you do, since you'll know best what feels right and what doesn't."

"Right, yeah," Johnny answered, feeling slightly chastened.

"Do you have any other questions?"

Johnny shook his head. "No, not right now, I guess."

"Then I'll come back later for another session."

"I'll look forward to it."

Mary Lynn did smile slightly at that before leaving the room, and Johnny considered that a minor victory. Maybe he wasn't ready to give up entirely on charming her. If anything else, it would make it easier for them to work together. That wouldn't be so bad, would it?

# # #

The next couple of weeks proved to be more difficult than Johnny anticipated. According to Doctor Taylor, he was healing up as expected, but the healing process seemed to hurt more now than it had initially.

Doctor Taylor had simply nodded sagely when Johnny tried to explain it. "We call that 'phantom limb pain'. Your mind still thinks there's something there, and it remembers the original injury. It's very common and should resolve in time."

Johnny found that strange. How could something hurt when it wasn't there?

Still, he continued his physical therapy with Mary Lynn, learning the massage techniques to aid in his continued healing and in preparation for an eventual prosthesis. He still wasn't thrilled about going to a rehab facility after this, but after some discussion with Roy and Joanne, had come to the conclusion that it would be the best thing for him.

Now, those arrangements were made, and at the very least, Johnny could look forward to getting out of Rampart. At least it would be a change of scenery, even if it wasn't home. He was slowly getting used to the idea that it would be a long time before he made it home.

He had little control over that. All he could do was concentrate on what he could control, which was frustratingly little. It was hard to keep that sense of resentment at bay, to put the good face on things that everyone expected of him. After all, he was the eternal optimist, wasn't he?

His current circumstances were severely testing that well of optimism.

Still, he'd do his best, as he always did. No sense giving everyone more reason to worry about him.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. Mary Lynn came in, a slight smile on her face. "Hi, John."

"Hey," Johnny set aside the magazine he was flipping through. "Guess this is it, huh? Last session before I get out of here."

"So it would seem," Mary Lynn answered, "How are you feeling about it?"

Johnny held back on trying to flirt with her. She'd made it clear time and time again that she wasn't interested. "Well, suppose it's a change of scenery, at least. Kind of a shame you aren't coming with me."

Mary Lynn cracked a smile at that. "I do have other patients, you know."

"Yeah, I know that," Johnny scoffed, "But hey, if you were to, uh, come see me for whatever reason, that'd be okay, I guess."

Mary Lynn paused. "I don't make a habit of following up on patients after I've worked with them."

"Well, this wouldn't really be a follow-up though, would it?" Johnny pressed her a little, "Seeing as I wouldn't be your patient anymore."

Mary Lynn seemed to study him, her eyes boring right through him. "You must have been quite a charmer before your injury."

"Listen, I swear I'm not trying to charm you, or flirt, or any of that," Johnny told her. "I don't have anything to offer. I just, well, I've kinda come to like you, even though you've been kicking me around the block three times a day for the last couple weeks."

Mary Lynn looked baffled. "You don't even know me."

But I'd like to, Johnny thought. Instead, he told her, "Sure. You don't know me either, I guess. If you don't want to come visit, it's okay. Forget it."

Her expression changed ever so slightly, though Johnny couldn't gauge what it meant. "Let's pick up where we left off earlier, shall we?"

She put in through the usual series of exercises, with additional work moving from the bed to the wheelchair and back again. He was finally getting to the point where he felt confident enough to make the transition himself. Even Mary Lynn seemed pleased with his progress. "Good, good. That's going to help you a lot once you get to the rehab facility."

She made some notes before setting them aside. "You're making good progress. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but you are."

Johnny felt something at her words, but he couldn't define what it was. "Guess I needed to hear that. Thanks."

Mary Lynn smiled, a real smile this time, and it seemed to light up her whole face. "You're the one who did the work. You keep that up, and you'll be able to live something like a normal life."

Johnny let out a short sigh. "Gonna look a lot different."

"Yes, but I'm confident that you'll figure that out in time," Mary Lynn told him, "I'm going to report this to Doctor Taylor, and we'll finalize your transfer arrangements. Good luck. I mean it."

Something was tugging at him, the idea that this might be the last time he saw Mary Lynn. She'd been hard on him, but not without purpose, and he had come to appreciate that. "Thanks. And that invitation still stands. Think about it."

Mary Lynn shook her head. "Goodbye, John."

With that, she left the room, and Johnny found himself rolling back and forth in his wheelchair. He'd been wheeling it around the room, learning how to steer, and more importantly, how to stop. It wouldn't be forever, he knew that, only until he could actually get up and moving.

Maybe he'd get out and at least go up and down the hallway or something. Anything to get out of this room for a while.

He pulled a blanket off the bed and put it over his lap before starting toward the door. It took a little doing to get the door open while getting the wheelchair through, but he managed it, rolling out into the hallway. One of the nurses, an older woman, regarded him with an arched eyebrow. "Not trying to escape, are you?

"Nope," he replied, 'just, uh, practicing driving this thing."

The nurse smiled a little at that. "Don't go too far. They'll send out a search party for you."

He wasn't going to get very far anyway, but they both knew that. He just needed to see somewhere that wasn't his room.

At the end of the hallway was a waiting area, the windows letting light come streaming into the room. There were a few people gathered together talking quietly, but he ignored them in favor of rolling over toward those windows. There wasn't much to see, just parking lots and traffic out on the road that passed by Rampart. Still, it was better than the four walls of his room, where he felt as if he'd been confined for far too long.

"There you are," Roy's voice caught his attention, "Trying to escape?"

"Nah, just needed a change of scenery," Johnny answered, turning around as Roy took up a chair nearby. "Good to see you."

Roy glanced at the blanket that covered Johnny's lap. "Yeah, good to see you, too. Jo told me she's been bringing the kids to see you."

"Yeah, they had a bunch of questions," Johnny replied, "Tried to answer them as best I could."

"Well, I guess it's good they feel okay asking, right? That way they know what to expect."

"Sure," Johnny nodded.

"They were a little disappointed when I told them you weren't coming to stay with us right away," Roy continued, "But I told them we could come see you at the new place."

"Yeah, guess they're not the only ones."

Roy looked up at that. "Look, I didn't realize what a long road this was gonna be, either. I'm sorry."

"Quit apologizing, Roy," Johnny told him a little more sharply than he intended. "None of this was your doing, okay? I mean, yeah, maybe you should have done it on scene, but I get why you didn't."

"I really thought they'd be able to save it, Johnny," Roy replied quietly. "I'm just sorry we put you through all of that for nothing."

"Wasn't for nothing," Johnny pointed out, "I'm still here, right? Still alive. Don't know what I'm gonna do once I'm out of rehab, but I guess I'll figure it out."

Roy nodded somberly at that. "Suppose you're right. I don't know how you do it. You know, keep your spirits up like that."

Johnny debated with himself. On one hand, the desire to keep up the optimistic front was strong. On the other hand, well, if he couldn't tell Roy about everything that was going through his head, who could he tell?

He took a deep breath and let it out. "I don't, Roy. Not all the time."

"Well, yeah, no one can, I guess. Not even you."

Johnny stared out the window. "I have the same damn dream every night. You and me are stuck in a fire, tons of smoke, no way out. I lose track of you, I try to run, and I…I can't. Something always holds me back. Feels like my feet are literally coming out from under me. I look behind me and—"

He swallowed hard and gripped the arms of his wheelchair. "And there it is, just laying there behind me. Like it just…fell off. And then I wake up."

"Johnny, have you told anyone about this?" Roy sounded alarmed.

Johnny shook his head. "Usually just try to forget about it. Got other things to worry about."

There was a long silence before Johnny felt Roy's hand on his arm. All Johnny could do was let out a long breath. "Listen, don't worry about it. One way or another I'm gonna be okay."

"But not right now," Roy answered quietly. "And that's okay."

Johnny could sense that his emotions were about to get the better of him, though he tried to tamp them down. It wasn't working very well, and he brushed his finger under his eye in frustration.

"You've got an awful lot of people in your corner, Johnny," Roy told him, "More than you think, even. We're gonna get you through this."

Johnny nodded, not entirely trusting his own voice. "Thanks," he managed to get out.

They sat in the waiting area in silence for what seemed like ages, long enough that the light through the window crossed the room, creating long shadows in the room.

Johnny sure as hell felt as if he was in those shadows right now.

Finally, he took a deep breath and exhaled. "Suppose I'd better get back. I'm gonna miss dinner."

Roy let out a dry laugh. "Well, I'd hate for you to miss a meal."

They returned to Johnny's room, and Johnny set about transferring himself from the wheelchair to the bed, just as Mary Lynn had shown him.

"Do you need a hand?" Roy offered.

"Nope," Johnny replied firmly, "Need the practice."

He managed to transfer himself and get settled just in time for the orderly to come in with the meal cart. It was the same man that he had shared Marco's chili with before. "Evening, John."

"Hey, Larry, how's it going?" Johnny answered in what he hoped was a somewhat cheerful tone.

"Not bad," Larry replied, "Meat loaf tonight."

"Could be worse, I guess," Johnny told him before turning his attention to Roy. "Hope you don't mind."

"Nah, figure it's about time for me to take off anyway," Roy responded as he rose from the chair. "Enjoy your dinner."

Johnny managed a short laugh as Roy started toward the door. He paused at the door before turning back. "Listen, if you ever need to just, you know, talk about things—"

"I'll call you," Johnny waved him away with one hand.

Roy still looked concerned but nodded. "I'm gonna hold you to that."

"See ya, Roy," Johnny hoped he'd get the message.

Roy acknowledged Johnny's words and left the room. Johnny finished his meal and pushed back the tray table before reaching for the TV remote. As he settled in, an odd sense of calm fell over him. Somehow just telling Roy about the nightmares made him feel a little better. He couldn't remain optimistic all the time, that wasn't realistic. But maybe he didn't have to in order to make as full a recovery as he could.

He had a long road ahead of him, he knew that. But he'd see it through, somehow. Knowing he had a lot of folks cheering him on was a big help, and he wouldn't let them down.