Johnny stepped off the bus and made his way down the block to headquarters. This was it. He was going back to work.

He was excited, he was nervous, he was worried. It all created a feeling that he'd swallowed a rock and it had settled in the pit of his stomach. As much as he had looked forward to this day, he also didn't want to screw this up.

No, it was going to be fine. He'd spent the last few weeks training, fitting it in with his therapy sessions and support group meetings. This was just the next natural step in getting back to some semblance of normal.

He entered the dispatch room, already buzzing with activity, nodding toward the man whose seat he was taking over. Sam glanced over, greeting him with a nod and a slight smile. "Morning, John."

"Morning," Johnny answered as he took his chair. It wasn't long before they were off and running, and Johnny soon found himself busily taking calls, taking down the information, passing it on to the dispatchers.

He'd thought at first that hearing the calls would make him miss being part of the action, but it hadn't taken him long to realize that he would have no time to dwell on the nature of the calls. Just doing his part of the job was taking all of his energy, and by the time his break time came around, he found himself nearly as exhausted as if he'd worked these calls himself.

He pushed himself out of his chair and made his way toward the breakroom, nodding toward the men that were seated around the table chatting. After finding a paper cup and filling it with coffee, he took a seat at the table. One of the men nodded to him in acknowledgement. "How's it going?"

"Good," Johnny answered as he shifted around, mindful of his prosthesis, "Keeping up, I think."

Another man at the table let out a short laugh. "Everyone thinks dispatch is boring until they actually work it. These folks sure keep us hopping."

There was a murmur of agreement among the others at the table, and the conversation moved on to other subjects. Johnny hung back, sipping his coffee and listening. Soon enough, his break time was over, and Johnny shifted slightly to push himself out of the chair, steadying himself against the table for a moment.

That caught the attention of the rest of the men at the table. "You okay there?" one of them asked.

"Yeah, fine," Johnny answered, trying to sound casual as he found his cane and started out of the break room. He could feel his face heating up as he did so.

Christ, the last thing he wanted was to draw any attention to himself, and he damn sure didn't want any pity. But it was hard to keep his disability a secret. Everyone knew why he was here instead of back out in the field.

The rest of his shift passed quickly, and as soon as his replacement showed up, Johnny nodded toward him and prepared to leave. The same man who had expressed his concern in the break room earlier soon caught up to him.

"Hey, a few of us are gonna go have a few drinks," he told Johnny, "You wanna go?"

"Nah, that's okay," Johnny responded, "Kinda got my own plans."

"All right," the other man nodded, "Maybe some other time. Have a good one."

Johnny nodded in response as he made his way to the bus stop. It had been a long day, but he still wanted to make it to one of the support groups at the rehab facility.

No, not wanted. Needed. The last few weeks had been overwhelming and tiring, and he'd done little other than working and going home. He hadn't even made time to see any of his friends.

He had to admit that he wasn't all that keen on seeing most of them. Most of them were his former station mates, and spending time with them only reminded Johnny of what he had lost. Now that he'd mostly learned how to get around on his own, he had felt less need to call on any of them for transportation.

But it was leaving him feeling more than a little isolated and alone, and he didn't know what to do with that.

The ride to the rehab facility involved a couple of transfers, but Johnny finally arrived at the nearest bus stop and made his way off the bus and toward the facility. Something about just being here always sent a little chill through him, bringing him right back to those early days of recovery, when he'd been so plagued with doubt about his own abilities.

But he was doing better now, wasn't he? He was getting around on his own, he was back at work. Everything was progressing as well as could be expected, right?

No, there was something missing, and not just physically.

He found the room where the support group was meeting and went inside, stopping to pour himself a cup of coffee before joining the rest of the group that was already gathering. One of the men nodded in greeting. "Hello. Welcome. First time here?"

"Just to this one," Johnny explained as he eased himself into a chair and hooked his cane over the back.

"Well, glad you found us," the man rose and extended a hand, "I'm Mark. I run a couple of these groups."

"John," Johnny answered, gripping Mark's hand.

"Nice to meet you, John," Mark replied before stepping back to survey the room. A few more men joined the circle, and Mark nodded in approval. "Okay, anyone have something to share? Any victories? Challenges?"

The room fell silent, and Johnny glanced around while taking a drink of his coffee. Finally, he set down the cup and wiped his hand off on his jeans. "Guess if no one else has anything, I can start."

"Sure thing, John," Mark nodded, "Whatever's on your mind."

Johnny swallowed hard before nodding in response. "Well, uh, I started back to work this week. I was a firefighter and paramedic before, well, this. Now I'm working in dispatch. Been training with them for the last few weeks."

There was a murmur of approval, and Mark nodded. "That's good. How's that going?"

"Okay, I guess," Johnny leaned down to pick up his coffee cup and take a drink, "It's different, that's for sure."

"I'll bet it is," Mark responded.

Johnny paused for a moment before continuing. "Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be working. Beats the hell out of being on disability. I don't know. Guess I figured once I got back to work, things would start getting back to normal."

"It takes some time to adjust," one of the other men spoke up, "I got reassigned to a desk job and man, it took a long time to get used to it. Still miss my old job sometimes."

Johnny let out a short laugh. "Have to admit, I don't really have time to miss my old job when I'm working. I don't know what it is. Feels like something's missing, I guess."

The room fell silent, and Johnny wondered if he'd said too much. Finally, someone else spoke up. "Nothing's been the same. My old friends avoid me, having trouble making new ones. It's hard."

"Yeah, exactly," Johnny found himself nodding in agreement, "Just seeing those guys reminds me of my old life. Makes me wonder if we ever had anything in common beyond the station."

The words came out before Johnny realized what he was saying, and he paused for a moment, letting them sink in. Finally, he shook his head. "I mean, we went fishing and camping together and stuff, but…"

"I get it," someone else replied, "Some of my old friends think I can't do any of that stuff anymore, so they don't even bother asking if I wanna go along."

"Well, it sounds like at least a couple of you here have some common ground," Mark broke in, "And you all know we have groups for those kinds of activities. I suggest you all start taking advantage when and if you're able."

Johnny had been thinking about it but was still reluctant. It felt as if he had enough to manage. On the other hand, well, maybe it wouldn't hurt to do more than think about it.

Eventually the group broke up and Johnny rose from his chair to start out of the room. He felt a hand land on his shoulder as he did so.

"I'm glad you came by," Mark told him, "Seems like you had a lot on your mind."

Johnny cringed internally. "Yeah, didn't mean to take up so much time."

"It's okay," Mark responded, "That's what we're all here for. And what I told the rest of the group applies to you, too. Sounds like you need to get out a little, maybe meet some new people."

"Maybe," Johnny answered with a nod. It sounded good in theory, but the thought of putting that into practice was nerve-wracking.

As he was leaving, one of the other men caught up to him. "Hey, sorry to bug you, but I don't think I caught your name earlier."

"John," Johnny told him.

"Good to meet you," the other man nodded as they walked together, "I'm Rick. Been coming to these groups for the last six months or so. How about you?"

"Uh, not that long," Johnny replied, "Only since I got out of here."

"Right, you said you were just getting back to work," Rick nodded, "You know, I've been thinking about getting in on one of those groups Mark was talking about. But I don't like going to those things by myself, you know? Makes me nervous."

Well, this was as good an opportunity as any. "I mean, if you need someone to go with you, maybe I could come with."

Rick's face lit up. "Yeah? That'd be great."

For a moment Johnny worried about what exactly he was agreeing to, but decided to shove the worry aside. This would be good. This would get him out, get him to meet new people. Maybe it was just what he needed. "I mean, my work schedule's a little weird, but I guess I can work around that."

"Sure," Rick agreed as they stopped by the bulletin board that had events and activities posted. Johnny joined him, scanning the board for anything that sounded interesting.

"Hey, there we go," Rick announced, tapping at a posting with one finger, "Hiking trip."

Johnny leaned in, reading the notice. It seemed like it would be an easy enough hike to manage and coincided with one of his days off. "Yeah, think I could manage that one."

Rick responded with a brief smile. "I haven't been out since I lost my leg. Miss it like crazy."

"Yeah, I used to go all the time," Johnny replied, "then this happened."

Rick eyed Johnny up and down. "Lost most of that leg, huh?"

"A couple inches above the knee," Johnny told him as he pulled out his notepad and pen to write down the information.

Rick shook his head. "That's rough. Guess I got lucky. I only lost up to about the middle of my calf. Enough to slow me down, though. You seem to be managing pretty good."

"Most of the time, I guess," Johnny responded as they started back toward the entrance.

"Hey, gotta take it day by day, right?" Rick told him as they left. He started toward a waiting car, "Listen, you need a ride?"

"Nah, that's okay," Johnny answered, "I've gotten pretty good at taking the bus just about everywhere."

Rick frowned slightly before he gestured toward Johnny. "Saw you had a pen and paper. Mind if I borrow it a second?"

Johnny pulled both items out and handed them to Rick, and Rick wrote something down before handing them back. "If you still wanna go on that hike, call me. We'll pick you up."

"We?"

Rick gestured toward the waiting car. "Me and the missus."

"Oh," Johnny let out a brief laugh, "Okay, yeah. I'll let you know."

Rick beamed before extending a hand to Johnny. "Great. Remember, we're all in this together. See you around."

"Right, yeah," Johnny did the same, and they shook hands firmly before going their separate ways.

After he stepped on to the bus and took a seat, Johnny took another look at the notepad where Rick had written down his phone number. Maybe this would be good for him. If nothing else, it would get him out and get him back to doing what he loved, in some form. It was a start.

# # #

Johnny spent the next couple of weeks preparing for the upcoming hike. He and Rick had attended one of the planning meetings, and so he had some idea what to expect. This would be an easier hike than he was used to, but it seemed as if it was the perfect way to get back into things. At the very least, it would get him out of the apartment and get him out to meet some new people.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts and he made his way over to answer. Sure enough, there was Rick, nearly beaming ear to ear. "Hey, John. Ready?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah," Johnny answered, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulders. It took him a moment to steady himself before he also grabbed the walking stick he'd picked up, and the two of them left the apartment.

Johnny locked up and shoved his keys in his pocket before following Rick down the stairs. Rick glanced over his shoulder. "You okay back there?"

"Yeah," Johnny replied casually as he carefully made his way down, "Getting kinda used to it now."

"Probably easier for you, being so young," Rick told him as they left the apartment house, "Me, I'm old and slow. Tough to relearn how to do things."

Johnny laughed quietly at that. "Well, I'm not exactly a kid, you know."

"All a matter of perspective, John," Rick waved him off before opening the car door, "Go ahead and slide in the back seat there. Should be plenty of room for you. Joan, this is John, the guy I was telling you about. John, meet the missus."

Joan turned to look over her shoulder as Johnny climbed in, smiling warmly. "Hello, John. It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Joan," Johnny replied as he arranged himself in the back seat.

"Got enough room back there?" Rick asked.

"Uh, yeah," Johnny answered, "Ready whenever you guys are."

Joan backed the car out and turned on to the street, and they were soon on their way. Johnny listened as she and Rick kept up a steady stream of conversation all the way to the park where they were meeting up with the rest of the group.

"Thanks for the ride, honey," Rick leaned over and kissed Joan.

"Oh, of course," Joan responded in kind, "You fellas have a good time."

Rick climbed out, slinging his pack over his shoulders, and Johnny followed, closing the car door behind him and making sure he was good and steady before he and Rick headed to the arranged meeting point.

Johnny recognized a few of the guys from other support groups he'd attended, but there were a few others he hadn't met. Rick hung back a little, his quiet demeanor a sharp contrast to the way he'd been chatting so animatedly on the way here.

"Okay, everyone gather up!" the group leader called out. There was some shuffling around as everyone turned their attention to the leader. He nodded firmly and continued. "Everyone's got a copy of the map, right? Just follow the markers and stick together. If anyone needs to take a break, I want you to call out, got it? Don't be stubborn. We're all here to help each other and have a good time."

There was a murmur of agreement through the group, and they were soon on their way. Johnny had to admit that it felt good just to be out here, even if it was at a much slower pace than he was used to.

The walking stick was a big help as he navigated the trail, careful to look ahead as he took each step, step swing, step swing. The terrain was more uneven than the concrete and asphalt he'd gotten used to navigating, the dirt looser.

He felt someone grab his shoulder, and he turned to see Rick behind him, carefully feeling out each step while looking down at the ground.

"Doing okay?" Johnny asked.

"Yep, yep," Rick answered, clearly breathing a little heavily, "Just need to take my time, that's all. Trail's a little tougher than I thought it would be."

"Okay," Johnny responded, "Not sure it's gonna do much good to lean on me though. My balance isn't that good."

Rick laughed quietly behind him. "I trust you."

Why would Rick trust him? He barely knew him.

They continued along the trail, everyone stopping once in a while to take in the view and chat. Johnny had to admit he appreciated the frequent pauses. He could feel his socket shift slightly, just enough to make walking a challenge.

Maybe it was time to see about getting approved for a definitive prosthesis. This one had only been meant to be temporary, and while it had gotten him this far, now he could see why he needed something more.

The group soon reached the turnaround point, taking an extended break before they started their return trip. Johnny chided himself for not bringing his camera along. Just as well, he supposed. It would be one more damn thing to carry, and he was already feeling the strain of carrying what he already had.

God, would he ever feel normal again? It seemed as if he was asking himself that question more often as time went on. After all this time, he should be used to living this way.

What the hell was wrong with him, anyway?

"Looks like the herd's on the move," Rick's cheerful voice snapped Johnny out of his thoughts.

"Right," Johnny chided himself for his gloomy thoughts and started back the way they'd come, listening to other members of the group chat among themselves.

It had been good, mostly, coming out here. He'd made a friend in Rick and he'd gotten out somewhere that wasn't work or the rehab facility. That alone had made this excursion worth it and had given him more determination to keep pushing forward.

When they returned to the meet-up spot, the group leader called them all together. "Thanks to everyone who came out today. And if this was your first time, I hope it won't be your last."

Johnny, for his part, felt reasonably certain he'd be back, but maybe he'd wait until he was able to get his definitive prosthesis made.

"That was a pretty good time, huh?" Rick commented as they waited for Joan to show up.

"Yeah, it was," Johnny agreed, "Sure took a lot out of me, though. More than I thought it would."

Rick let out a hearty chuckle at that. "You're not kidding. Gonna have to get out here more often. Swimming's good, but it's a whole different thing from hiking. Not that I'm a great swimmer, either, but I like it. Got into it when I started rehab."

Johnny couldn't help laughing a little at that, shaking his head. "Everyone I know's trying to get me in the pool."

"Yeah, I wasn't sold on it either until I started doing it," Rick replied casually, "Was pretty rough going at first. Could barely get from one end of the pool to the other. Now I can go for, well, a good half-hour or so. Sleep like a rock afterward."

Johnny had to admit that sounded appealing. He was still waking up a few times a night, though the nightmares faded more quickly these days.

"Hey, there's the missus," Rick commented as Joan pulled up. They both climbed in, and they were soon back on the road.

Johnny was content to mostly let Rick and Joan talk to each other, only chiming in when one of them asked him something. He could feel himself dozing off as Joan drove, even as he made some effort to stay awake.

Soon enough they were back at his place, and he shifted so that he could climb out of the backseat, pausing for a moment to make sure he was balanced enough to sling his backpack over his shoulders. "Thanks for the ride."

"You're welcome," Rick clapped him on the shoulder, "Thanks for coming with me. Sure makes it a lot easier when you've got a friend with you. And let me know if you wanna come to the pool. You can come see what it's like, no pressure."

"I'll think about it," Johnny told him. He waved to Joan and started toward the apartment house as Rick and Joan pulled away.

It took almost all of Johnny's remaining energy to get up the stairs and into his apartment. He dumped his backpack at the door and headed toward the bedroom. Even though it was early in the day, a nap sounded good. His prosthesis was irritating him anyway, and this seemed like as good a time as any to ditch it for a while.

He took off his boots and jeans before undoing the prosthesis. Sure enough, the sock had slipped, allowing the edge of the socket to rub against the exposed skin, though not enough to break the skin. Still, this was a sign that he needed to figure out a way to get a definitive prosthesis made. This temporary one was meant to be just that. It wasn't meant for the kind of activity he was engaging in.

But that was a problem for another time. Right now, he just wanted to crash, and so he shifted so that he lay down, closing his eyes and drifting off.