Chapter 7: The Polaroid
The government vehicle took a slow turn into a dark highway cradled by pine and birch. The drive was quiet. All four in the vehicle without words. Especially Josie and Suze, who had far too much on their minds to speak. Each of the women clutching their purses nervously, staring out to the dark forests as if the answer was just a second ahead. All the drive did was raise far more.
"Um…" Suze finally broke the silence, "Now that you have us in this car… driving down, uh… ominous highway. Would one of you care to tell us what's going on?"
Josie grumbled, "I second that."
"We can't disclose the reason just yet, Mrs. Kaine and Ms. Cartier. All will be revealed when we get to base." The man in passenger replied.
Suze suddenly leaned forward in her seat, "I'm sorry, did you say base? Like military?" She glanced a worried glare to Josie. Both their eyes wide and waiting.
"That's correct." He replied in a monotone voice.
Josie cursed a whisper to Suze, "The fuck is going on?"
Suze then asked sullenly, "Are we in trouble? Or… some kind of danger?"
"No," the man leaned his head a little to the backseats, "Nothing like that. You have absolutely nothing to worry about, Mrs. Kaine and Ms. Cartier. You'll come to understand soon."
Josie and Suze were still not convinced. They knew only what they were told. That they were being transported to a military base and it concerned two people they lost. Cameron McLeary and Davey Rennick. The names had only been topics of personal discussion till now. The names that would occasionally slip into conversation and be reminisced. Their deaths what grew Suze and Josie's friendship. United them in shared grief. Now these names were in the words of government officials. Suddenly the vivid grief and despair of ten years past was coming back to haunt the two. Without a reason as to why.
Then more vehicles started to shine headlights onto the road. Catching up to their black sedan quick. One or two, then three more. Then turned into what appeared as a convoy. It was too dark to see the makes and models of the cars, but giving their simultaneous speeds and even formation, it was to be assumed they were government, as well. Josie and Suze stared down the line of cars and further questions raged. They stayed behind teeth fighting to come out. Then more time went by, and they could see lights in the sky. The rumble of rotors. Choppers of military grade flying over hills of forestry. Their vehicle was turning in the same direction. Lights reflecting off fog and low-bearing clouds was becoming more apparent. Josie took Suze's hand when they could clearly see a compound coming out of the hillside. A gate restricting access but not for them. Not for the vehicles behind them. Suze felt her nerves jump into her throat. Josie's clammy hand was the silent confirmation she wasn't alone in the feeling, either.
"We… we're not the only ones?" Suze asked the men in a shaking voice.
"No. Other family members were contacted, as well." The man said.
Josie asked in worry, "Family members of the Beira crew?"
"That's correct."
Josie and Suze exchanged another disturbed glare. They started to drive up to a lot. As they did so, the other sedans parked alongside them. It was just before a set of front doors. The walls of the building well lit by the line of headlights.
The vehicle shut off and Suze and Josie were asked to follow the men inside. On their way out, they quickly reunited their arms when they set foot on pavement. Their walk inside was silent and nerving. Only the sound of other car doors being opened and footsteps of the occupants. Suze was beginning to recognize many of the faces. All from the trial against Cadal. The many meetings and court dates. Elizabeth and Lennox Gibson, Karen Addair and her two children, Mary O'Connor, Jane Innes, and Advik Sunil and his wife. A few others like Adele Roper and Darla Fergus. They were coming out of the vehicles in droves. Even family that didn't participate in the lawsuit. Josie and Suze squeezed together in their own breathless nerves all the way inside.
Fluorescent lights were nearly debilitating. The time was close to midnight, and the facility was bustling with life like it was the AM. Josie and Suze were lost in a crowd of people. No niceties in the room. All looked just as scared as they were. Even rambling in a room of this populace was unusually quiet. A woman with a clipboard and work suit came out and announced, "Everyone who is here for concerns of the Beira D oil rig platform, please follow me. Single file."
She started to trot down a hall with eager family members on her tail. Soldiers and black suited men guided the civilians orderly. Some of them were still in their sleepwear. The building had a cleanily yet a facility feel. Like a hospital. The steps hitting the floor made a mighty, echoing racket.
They were led into a gallery with seating. A stage ahead and white screen behind on the wall. A few more government officials were setting up on the stage. Wiring a microphone before the podium. A decorated and aged officer staring over the meek family members like a predatory bird. Josie and Suze were one of the many who weren't taking their seats. Many of them couldn't stand still. The chatter was hushed and panicked. Many questions they all had.
"Susan McLeary? Is that you?" Mary O'Connor came over in a relieved smile. "Josie Cartier! Jesus, it's been a minute!"
Suze greeted as much she could. Her suspense was still a vice on her tongue. "Oh, Mary, love. How are you? Must be… shite scared like the rest of us. Did they show up to your doorstep, too?"
"Yeah! Like I was about to be told my husband died all over again. They didn't tell me a damn thing. Did they tell you two anything?"
Josie shook her head, "Nothing. We left the kids with Suze's husband. It was such a short notice thing, you know? Said it had something to do with the Beira crew."
"Yes, that's what they told me. That they found something of Donald's. I didn't believe it at first."
"I'm still trying to believe it. If the rig blew up… how would they find anything of Caz's. Doesnae make sense." Suze said wryly.
The mic on stage started to squeak, gathering the gallery attention. "Hello everyone. I apologize for the theatrics," said a tall and gruff Black man wearing a military suit decorated in badges. "I am Owen Brantley, I'm a commanding officer of the United Kingdom. I understand you all were taken from your homes rather startlingly. Especially at a late hour. If so, we apologize for the inconvenience. However, this kind of matter couldn't wait."
Elizabeth Gibson yelled out, "What the hell is going on?!" A few of the family members clapped in agreement.
"I'll just jump straight to the point," said Brantley, "This… news may be extraordinarily difficult to digest. It was for our forces. On December 26th of last year, we received an alarm that a ship was out in the middle of the North Sea. An unauthorized ship. When we investigated, we realized it wasn't a ship at all. It was an oil rig. Much like the Beira D oil rig that took your family members in 1975. When we moved on the rig in suspicion it was an illegal vessel, we discovered the rig had active personnel."
Josie and Suze looked to each other as if they needed confirmation they heard it right. To ensure they weren't under some kind of duress. The rest of the family members were deathly quiet. Everyone staring up at Brantley like mannequins in glowers.
"When we arrested these men and women and brought them back to base. The same military base you're in now. Upon extensive testing and interrogation. We are positive these personnel… are the same victims of the Beira D oil rig platform explosion on December 26th, 1975. If you were contacted about a family member, it is our knowledge that individual is still alive. That is why you all have been brought here tonight. In hopes they can return to their lives and assemble back into the community."
The room hushed and gasped, many unfazed and even irate at the proclamation. Josie and Suze were stiff in their stature. Suze wouldn't believe it. Not for a moment. She was certain it had to be some kind of conspiracy. A ruse. A sickening one, at that. Josie, however, believed something far too good to be true could never be. She glanced along the disgusted glares and hissing curses among the others. Certain there was soon to be a revolt.
Joseph Finlay pressed off his chair and barked, "You're all full of shite! What is this, eh? What's the real reason you brought us here!"
Mary squalled next, "How dare you use our family members for some kind of sick agenda! Is that what this is?! Ten years! Ten years of grieving and you bring us here to taunt us!"
"The aftermath of the explosion was documented in full! Photographed and exploited by news outlets! We've had funerals! We've had memorials and vigils! Even litigation trials! How could you possibly bring us here and tell us our loved ones lost are back? How? Out of thin air!" Karen Addair howled in a cry of her voice, as if she already was.
Brantley looked back to his subordinates and generals in a slightly rattled glare. He held up his arm and affirmed, "Please! Please. I know this is a lot to ask of you. It is understandable to disagree and… refute. But I can assure you these people are very much alive. We do not understand why. We're currently working to understand it. When we do, you all will be the first to know how and why your loved ones have returned."
"How?" Adele Roper cried, "Were… were they kidnapped? Abducted? Held prisoner and just now you've brought them home? Or… did you all keep our family members from us!"
Joseph snapped, "Donnae tell me any of you are actually believing this?! It's a fucking ruse! I'll tell you what. Bring out my mum. If she's there - flesh and blood and all, I'll believe it. Till then, fuck you. All of you!" He turned back to leave the whispering upset behind, until he was stopped by a government official and ordered back. Joseph fought it until Brantley called over the panicked crowd again.
"Please! Let's try and stay calm! I promise you will all be reunited with your loved ones soon! For now… we need to ease you all into this. Prevent shock as much we can. Most importantly. We will need the lot of you to sign confidential documents and agreements of the story and secrecy of this case. That is before any of you can see your loved one."
Joseph angrily pointed to Brantley on stage and shouted to the others, "You see? Documents! They need our fucking signatures! Bet there's some hidden ink in between the lines, innet?"
Brantley had another officer, Jefferson, come to his ear and hush something. Brantley nodded and said, "We are going to come up with a method to prove to you all that your family members are alive. If that will help in the confidence needed to sign the documents, then we are more than willing to guarantee you all feel trust in this facility by doing it. For now please take time in this room to come to terms. If you're in need of anything don't hesitate in asking the orderly staff. Water or even a snack, perhaps a pillow and blanket if you need to rest – anything at all. When we return, we hope our method will give some kind of closure in believing. Then we can move on to paperwork. Then… reuniting you with your family member. Please standby, we will convey again soon."
Brantley left the stage promptly with the mic shutting off. Only leaving the families in the gallery rambling and spatting amongst each other. As well as a few soldiers on guard. Suze and Josie were too petrified to speak. Even move. As the sincerity of the commander kept repeating like a cruel taunt. The world was warping before their very eyes. In a matter of moments, nothing felt real. The purgatory of hope was far worse than the confirmation of their deaths.
Brantley came back a couple hours later. Half of the gallery was asleep. It was close to three in the morning. Still the clap of leather shoes on the floor enough to wake them up. Josie and Suze were sleeping on each other in their seats. Suze's head over Josie, who was dozing on her shoulder. Brantley coughed on stage and called, "Everyone. Sorry to wake you all. But we may have come up with a method. If I could have everyone's attention."
People slowly started to rise and sit up right. Some stood. Josie and Suze wiped their eyes and stretched as Brantley continued.
Jefferson handed Brantley a camera. A Polaroid camera. He display it. "This is a Polaroid sun 660 camera. I'm sure many of you are familiar with one. Now they didn't have these cameras in 1975. An instant printer and colour, especially not. Jefferson?" He handed the camera back to his subordinate. He took a picture that clicked and printed a photo immediately after. The families went confused at the method. Then they pulled out an overhead projector and put the picture on display on the screen. It was a shot of Brantley taken just moments ago. There were varying reactions in the room. Some confused, some more doubtful than they already were.
Brantley explained, "I know this may seem strange, but this is the best way we can offer some concrete evidence. Of course, the best way would be to have them come out and show you themselves. But unfortunately, our consults in confidential legality claim it's not an option. Not until the legal documents are out of the way. So, we're going to have to be creative. In the next hour we will return with printed photos, much like this, of all your family members to confirm they're here. We've proved this camera can't be tampered, it was not existing in the 70s, and the likeness of the photos it distributes. By then, I stay hopeful that all of you will agree to the paperwork. Hold tight."
They left promptly after the brief, leaving the gallery in more disheartened chatter. Josie asked to Suze, "What are they planning with zis? Even with photos… they'd really expect us to believe this horseshit. I have work in four hours… not to mention Noelle. Ugh. Noelle. She's probably upset."
"She'll be right," said Suze in a comforting voice, laying her hand on Josie's, "I'm more worried about us, to be honest. No good reason they brought us here. What they're spouting on about is…"
"It's impossible," assured Josie, "That rig blew up. No one lived. No one could. They're lying. If they're not… I'm pretty sure I'll wake up in the next four hours anyway. Not the first dream I've had like zis. Won't be the last."
Josie felt a sharp pinch on her hand then. "Ow! Bitch." She scoffed.
Suze smiled wearily, "I pinched myself a few times already. We're not dreaming. God, do I wish we were."
Not even an hour later, Brantley and his gaggle returned to stage. The crowd of civilians woke up faster than the last visit. Jane hadn't slept a wink, neither did Joseph. Karen woke up her children, Nancy and Michael. Lennox nudged his grandmother, Elizabeth. The other family members started to stir and sit upright as the projector was set up once again. This time the squeak of the wheels was a far greater grip in their stomachs. Jefferson held a booklet of photos in his hands. Well over twenty and sliding in his palms as the orderlies set up the projector. Josie and Suze gripped hands again. Unsure what to expect - dreading to expect anything. Common sense would out, they both thought. Things that couldn't be explained were far too comfortable to be discredited. Yet the sweat in their palms still gathered. Especially as Brantley spoke again.
"Now, we're going to go through these photos one by one, I'll address them by full name. Each photo we have on the slide is a confirmed survivor of the Beira D oil rig explosion. Once again, for reasons we do not understand. All we know is that they're here, and they wish to go home. Right. Let's begin."
The first picture slipped into the projector light. Josie recognized him right away. Like a flicker of her past. Her constant nightmares. He was never a friend. He definitely wasn't one she cared for. But her tears still swelled when Karen and her children started to weep.
"John Addair."
She made visceral cries, sharp and quick. Her two adult children huddling around her. It was relief or shock, perhaps at once. Like finding out your loved one died all over again. The same type of horror and disbelief. Yet, flurried in something that didn't make any sense. That they came back to life. Suze covered her mouth at the reaction and moved her misting eyes back to the projector screen. The photos were not fabricated. They couldn't be. The very style of the Polaroid. The exact finish as Brantley's mugshot. She remembered Addair's face from the vigils and memorials. The lawsuit. Karen was always very involved in anything that had to do with the Beira's tragedy. Seeing for herself the widow's utter terror was leeching into Suze's own. That she would see Caz light up on the screen, too.
"Dear god…" Josie whispered in a shake.
Another photo pulled up. Sunil's parents fell into each other and wailed. Then another. Josie recognized Scooby right away. His family broke down. With each picture that flashed on the screen, another crack of heart wrenching sobs in the room. To those who waited to see their loved one, the panic was festering. Like the height of a rollercoaster right before it drops. That soon they would be on their knees with the others. Questioning their world and what powers be. Suze glanced over to her friend. She wasn't there. Josie's mortified blue eyes were tranced into the projector screen. Seeing friends she thought long gone and perished. In photos that were far beyond their time. As if they were taken just moments ago. They were, Josie thought. Even so, she fought to find some way to debunk it. Anything she could do before a face she knew too well flickered before her eyes.
Mary O'Connor nearly fainted. Having to be tended to by orderlies after she saw Donald. Jane Innes saw her father, and she was frozen in terror. Standing up like she was witnessing Jesus' second coming. Joseph Finlay - possibly the most doubtful - fell to his knees and cried like a child to see a photo of his mother.
Then Josie lost her breath. Her skin went white. She couldn't feel the tears down her cheeks, but they were there.
"Davey Rennick."
She stood with the others in bewilderment. Leaving Suze in her chair to rattle alone. Just when she thought she was about to faint from lack of air she pulled a breath in. The photos kept sliding. Suze stood with Josie when she saw Roy. Suze's hand clasped her mouth. That same hand was wet with tears. Any moment he will… he is… it canny be. C… Caz?
"Cameron McLeary."
Then a rip in her gut. It sent the shock up her throat. Suze buckled and hacked into her palm. She bolted to the nearest restroom certain she'd spew over the floor. The wedding ring from Edward was like a brand on her skin. The worst possible taunt from whoever was Upstairs making these decisions. Surely not a miracle. Not to Suze. She was a carcass between two wild cats. Wanting to be relieved but she didn't deserve the right. Knowing how many nights of tears she prayed for this moment. Only for it to come true in some doozy of a miracle. And it was too late. She blamed God, she blamed herself. She held her head over the toilet and collapsed into the seat. A wail so visceral she felt it in her eyes. I didn't wait. How could I have known? But I never waited. Now he will see that I moved on without him. That every cursed letter I sent him he'll think is true. That he died and I moved on. That I was done. God damn it. I was never done. I'm still not. How could I ever be? Surely by now I'll wake up and know it was all a dream. Any moment? Why… is this happening? What possibly could have done this?!
Suze had been bowed over the toilet long enough she couldn't feel her knees. She couldn't feel. She was lost in her head fighting for clarity. Anything to make sense of it. It didn't feel real to her. The world around her warping before her very eyes. Still waiting to be startled awake with Edward there to settle her down. But she was still on the cool tile. Still alone in some government bathroom.
Then the door swung open. "Suze?! Suze!"
"I'm in here," choked Suze to Josie. Her high heels clapped into Suze's stall unsteadily. Josie stopped to see Suze's flushed face and tucked to the toilet. She looked up from the tile floor to Josie's fresh eyes. They didn't exchange words. Neither had anything to say. Not even if they tried to force it. Josie sat down with Suze and the two stayed in the disillusioned silence indulgently. Both finally taking this time to absorb and try to explain. Even then, it was unexplainable.
"It can't be real," whimpered Josie, "It's not."
Suze sniffled and her voice cracked, "You saw the photos."
"Yeah!" Josie quavered, "And zat can be… fabricated! Faked! C'est ridicule. I won't… believe a single fucking thing they have for me unless I see Davey face to face. Until then… fuck them. Fuck their paperwork. Confidential… horseshit. I won't…" Josie felt her hand snatched by Suze. She fell silent. Suze's own way of telling her to settle down. She was panic rambling. Words falling out of her mouth like a brook. Then Josie started to cry. She pressed her free hand into her face and wiped it away.
"How?" Josie cried, "How can it be real?"
Suze bit down her shaking lip. "I don't know. But… signs point to yes. I donnae wanna believe… which is hysterical. I've always believed in miracles in the bible. Figured life was a bit sweeter having faith in what I could not see. Now that I have that answer I prayed for, I don't… I want to send it back. Turn back time. God, I just want to fucking run away."
Josie asked sullenly, "What do you mean?"
"What if it's real?" Suze asked, "What if he comes out and sees me. Ten years older. What if he sees the wedding band on my hand and knows it's not his? I didnae wait for him, Jo. Wherever the hell he was for ten years… what if he waited that whole time? And he comes home and he's ten years behind?"
"Then he is." Josie said firmly, "It wasn't your job to wait. That's not the rules. When someone is dead, they usually stay dead. To us, he was. They all were. What we do with the rest of our time alive is an honour to them. Even if that means moving on, because that is what they'd want for us. If I remember Caz, he definitely would have wanted you to be happy."
Suze wept into her hand, "But now he's back."
"We don't know that yet. If he is… then it's his life to live now. Whatever happens… I'll be at your corner. I may have known him before you, but you're family to me. Whether it's with Edward or Caz, you do what is right for you. No matter what. Either way, you'll still have me."
Suze smiled weakly to Josie. Her smile fading into a wince as she started to cry. Josie's tears greeted Suze, too, and the two wove each other tightly. The quiet and cold of the bathroom a small bubble away from the curtain. A snippet of relief from what was waiting for them. A drop of sanity in their world turned upside down.
Eventually they stood together. Taking hands back to the gallery. When they got back the families were being escorted out. Suze and Josie were herded with them. The moments after, the two drifted with the other families. All tired and confused. Horrified. Even so, a small glimmer of relief. A thankfulness that couldn't be expressed. Even with the time and moments missed. They were hopeful to have a miracle. Not exactly sure how to convey or react to one.
They were brought into a wide sitting area. Like an airport boarding. A few doorways along the room. Orderlies walked by with clipboards for each head of the family. Each one to be signing their sworn agreement to have said individual in their custody. Their loved one. To keep the affairs of government and the survivor secret. To follow the story that the Beira crew were found as prisoners of war by terrorist motives. Forced to work for oil. That they were rescued and returned to their families. That if they break any of these terms the survivor would return to the custody of the government. That Josie, Suze or any of the other family members could face criminal charges. Decades in prison. The weight was heavy now.
Suze stared down to her signature for a lot longer than any others. She had written her signature with her last name McLeary. Not purposely. It was almost a subconscious act. She didn't realize she had until the last letter – her pen strayed shakily. Then the orderly took her clipboard.
Then the white linen of orderlies left with all the documentation they needed from the families. There was a moment of calm. The rush of exhaustion to every person in that room. Their shock finally settling. Only for the first blazer to walk in with yet another clipboard. The next bout of shock. She called Karen Addair and her children. They left behind a steel door into a hallway. Shortly after, Mary O'Connor was called. Like the slow tending of an ER. One by one each family was being taken from the waiting room. In 20 minute intervals or less. The room was clearing quick. They called Jane Innes then Joseph Finlay. Each time a name was said, the owner of that name showed a different kind of fear. But it was always kindred to the others. Almost an apprehension to knowing the truth. The truth that couldn't be debunked.
Then Josie was called. She went stiff at whatever the outcome could be. Seconds in her chair were the last raft of safety before she stood up. She let go of Suze's hand and departed into the hallway with all the others. Suze was waiting longer than most. She had a thankful appreciation for it. Any moment to stall and pretend it was a mistake. Then the high heels clacked to the waiting room once again.
"Susan Kaine?"
She froze like a deer in headlights to the woman in neatly quaffed hair, a blazer and pencil skirt. Holding a clipboard as if it was any work day. Little did they know it was the day that would stop Suze's world from turning. She was apprehensive as she stood up. Struggling for her purse and following out to the hallway she'd only seen the entry of till now. It was long and fluorescent-lit as the rest of the facility. Rooms to each side of the hall, like a medical ward. Each door had a metal door with a thin, rectangular window. Barred with wire. She could hear crying. Overjoyed laughter. So many voices from each room she passed. Still, her legs pulled on like she was against water. Fresh tears swelled to her eyes as the woman ahead stopped before a door. She set her hand on the knob and looked back to Suze.
"Are you ready?"
Suze struggled to muster her own voice. "Aye…"
The door pushed open, and even the air from inside seemed to throw a chill. Suze clutched her purse. Unsure of what she was walking into. Still holding onto her doubt like a security blanket. She turned the corner and the chill stopped her dead. As did her lungs. Only her tears kept on. The rest of her body froze in time. What she saw only crushed her doubt as ruthlessly as a sledgehammer.
Even seeing him stand from his chair, she still fought to not believe it. Her hands clasped her mouth. The door swung closed behind them. Leaving the two alone. Suze was in a fight to not fall to her knees. Scream in terrible relief.
Caz walked a step forward. The tears in her eyes made him hard to see. But she could see his fear, too. His blue eyes red and sparkling. As if he'd been crying for a while. He went white in a flutter of an eyelid. He wore a scrub top and pants. A healthier beard than she remembered him leaving with. But he was still just the way he was when he left for the rig in 1975. Just as he was. As if he hadn't aged a day. Unlike Suze, who had small flecks of grey growing from the hair of her temples. Her hair now reaching the top of her back. Returned to its natural curl. Crows feet off her eyes and laugh lines along the top of her mouth. Even so, Caz's admiration didn't waiver. He indulged a greedy moment to look at her. Take in all her features. The familiar weep behind her fingers. Even so, his reaction was nothing to the pure amazement of Suze. As in his mind, he had only seen her a few months ago. For Suze, it had been a decade of grieving. A marriage. A lawsuit. The world changed so much since her days as a McLeary. Now that he was before her again, it felt as if no time had passed at all.
Caz said gruffly, "Hey, Suze." He inhaled sharply at the tail-end. A rush of tears dipped down his cheeks.
Suze took in breath like it was the last she'd have. She was soon to plunge into waters. She stepped up to just a few inches from his jittering face. He timidly placed his hands to her upper arms. "It's me, Suze. It's… it's really me."
Suze pulled him in. The tightest hug that resembled so many memories. The first dance at their wedding. The birth of Cait. The many nights where his arms around her were the solace she craved. Long before Edward, Josie, and even their children. Where he was the only compass. His musk returned like a punch. Suze fell to her knees then. She started to tremble, but Caz caught her. He led her to the floor of the room. She wept into his shoulder. She dug her fingers into his back as if any break in grip, he would disappear again. He swayed with her as he rasped a cry.
"I won't ever leave you, Suze. Not ever again. I'll be at your side forever."
