"H-Hikigaya-kun, not there! I'm too sensitive in that area," my words were suddenly interrupted by the sudden burst of giggles that escaped me as he continued to shower my sides with tickles.

"I knew it! I'll thank Haruno for this precious info later," he said, continuing his assault.

"A-Ah, a-ah! ah..ah..!" I couldn't control myself as his fingers continued to relentlessly tickle me, making my body shake uncontrollably against the soft mattress.

I frowned slightly, for a brief moment I felt a little mad at the fact that Hikigaya-kun was getting sensitive information about me from Nee-san.

"You're being unfair!" I managed to gasp out as I tried to catch my breath.

Suddenly, I seized his face and pushed him aside onto the mattress, quickly climbing on top of him. I pinned his wrists to the cool sheets, straddling his hips.

"You know what? I think you've had enough fun," I declared breathlessly, my breath still coming in small gasps.

My hands held his wrists firm, keeping him pinned down on the bed. His eyes met mine, a mixture of surprise and excitement flickering in them. I leaned closer, my hair falling forward and tickling his face lightly. The strands brushed against his skin, teasing him with each gentle touch.

"What are you gonna do now, Ice Queen?"

"I won't let you get away with this so easily."

My eyes met his, a playful spark in them as I leaned even closer, my face now only inches away from his.

"Then make sure to keep me here forever."

I allowed myself to rest on his chest, letting my head come to rest against his steady heartbeat, a constant rhythm that seemed to quicken at my proximity. His arms enveloped me, pulling me close as he squeezed me tightly

"Already tired?"

"I feel like your tickling emptied all my energy."

The scent of his skin filled my senses. I closed my eyes, my fingers tracing invisible patterns along his torso as I let myself become immersed in the simple sensation of being close to him.

A feeling of intense comfort washed over me, knowing that his heart was beating for me alone.

His hand moved up to stroke my hair gently, a soft, quiet sigh of pleasure left my mouth at his caring gesture.

"I miss you."

"Huh? I'm right here, you know."

He's right, he's here underneath me. Then why do I still feel like this?

"Yes, I ignore what's going on with me suddenly."

"I think I have an idea."

My fingers, which had been tracing patterns along his torso, came to a halt. Now, my hand simply rested there, gently clutching the fabric of his shirt.

"What is it?"

"Maybe because I'm not really here."

Slowly, the heartbeats I listened became less and less audible, as if the sound of his heart was dying. I squeezed his shirt tighter.

"Please... Don't stop..." I murmured, but the rhythm of his heartbeats kept fading, until it fell totally silent.

"Sorry, Yukinoshita. Seems like my heart couldn't handle the huge amount of love I have for you, haha..." he said sarcastically before his arms completely lost their grip on me.

I sat up, looking down at him as his eyes were closing.

"No, please stay awake. I need you..."

"..."

"Hikigaya-kun!" I placed my hands on his shoulders, shaking him.

"Please don't leave me..."

Tears ran down my cheeks and fell onto his body. I caressed his face, which now felt cold, and lowered myself back down to his chest.

"I won't let you go..."

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!

My eyes flickered open as the sound of my alarm clock pulled me from sleep. I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes and wiping away the faint traces of wetness that had trickled down my cheeks.

With a sigh, I began my morning routine, mechanically going through the motions of preparing for school. My mind, however, was stuck in yesterday's memories—the sterile walls of the hospital, the anticipation of seeing him, and the bittersweet reality when I finally did. I had hoped so desperately to feel satisfied just by being near him. But in the end, it wasn't enough.

I knew I couldn't ask for more, not under these circumstances. And yet, a part of me still longed to talk to him.

As if occupying my thoughts wasn't enough, he'd invaded my dreams, too. Those dreams were warm, comforting in a way reality refused to be. But waking up from them only left a hollow ache, a stark reminder of how far those dreams were from reality.

Shaking off the melancholy, I focused on getting ready for the day. Because if I wanted those dreams to become reality—I knew I would have to fight for it. I would have to work harder than ever before.


After class, I gathered my things and stood up, directly heading to the teachers' room.

Since leaving the hospital last night, Hikigaya-kun's father's words have echoed in my mind. I spent a good part of the night turning them over, trying to make sense of them. But no matter how hard I thought, no answers came. I was still lost, unable to figure out what I needed to uncover or where to even begin looking.

He spoke about the things left unsaid between Mother and me, about shadows lingering between us. But what were those shadows hiding? What truths had we both buried?It seemed that understanding this—unraveling the knots of the past—would require more time and more effort than I'd realized.

I reached the teachers' room and entered in.

"Oh, hello Yukinoshita. Here the keys." Hiratsuka-sensei greeted me, handing me the keys to the clubroom in her hands.

"Good afternoon, thank you." I took them.

"So, how was your visit yesterday? Could you talk to Hikigaya?"

"Unfortunately, no. He had medical exams and fell asleep before we could see him. But we learned that his health declined, and that new symptoms appeared."

"What kind of symptoms?"

"I don't know about the details."

His skin turning paler must be one of them.

She sighed and lit her cigarette. "Will he show up one last time this year at least?"

I couldn't give an answer.

"I still hope he will. Hey, do you think he still remembers about your battle?" Hiratsuka-sensei asked, a hint of playfulness crossing her features.

Does it still even stand in those circumstences?

"Who do you think would've won if he were still here..?" I asked.

"Well, your last request was to help Isshiki reconnect with her grandfather, right? Based on that, I'd say Hikigaya played the biggest role in changing her grandfather's mind. However, you had the more important role in everything else." She paused. "But in the end, it was Isshiki who delivered the final push."

I suppose, we could resume it like that.

"Honestly, it would be hard to pick a winner right now, especially knowing that the players weren't at their best. I guess beating a sick person doesn't taste that good, does it?"

I nodded in agreement.

"Let's simply close it. Deciding the winner of such a battle doesn't matter much to me right now."

I began to turn to the exit door of the teachers, my mind already made.

"We can still consider a winner, if you accept my challenge." Her words reached my ears, making me stop in my movements.

I raised an eyebrow and turned back toward the teacher.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there's a way to make you the winner for exemple."

What is she talking about? Make me the winner? How? Hikigaya-kun is clearly no longer able to participate, so what is the point of continuing this battle?

"If Hikigaya finally changes his mind and decides to ask for your help, it would be like a request for you to save him. If you success, then I could give you the title of the winner of this battle."

My eyes widened slightly.

"So, what do you think about it?"

"It wouldn't make much sense to proceed this way, Sensei." I shook my head, walking toward the door.

She let out a soft chuckle.

"I make the rules, remember. Don't you hate losing?"

"..."

Do I really have the choice in this case?

"Ah, anyway, tell everyone who participates in the money gathering for Hikigaya's operation to reunite in the clubroom."

It seems Hiratsuka-sensei planned another meeting about this matter.

"Fine."

I left the teachers' room and immediately texted Yuigahama-san about Hiratsuka-sensei's request.

Once I entered the clubroom, I carefully placed my schoolbag near my chair and started to prepare the tea. Since many people will be here, I began setting up the different chairs around the table, making sure everything was in order.

After a few minutes, the door opened, several people stepping inside.

"Yahallo, Yukinon!"

"Yahallo, Yukinoshita." Totsuka-kun waved softly.

"Hum, hello..." Zaimokuza-kun made his entrance.

Then an unexpected person introduced herself.

"Hi hi! Been a while, Yukino-senpai." Isshiki-san entered last.

"Good afternoon everyone. It's nice to know you all came. I hope you're doing better, Isshiki-san."

They took their seats, Yuigahama-san sitting next to my chair and the others sitting in front of us.

"Thank you for your support, Yukino-senpai. And yes, I went to Grandpa's funerail and had a hard time digesting everything. But, slowly, I think I'm getting through it. So, why are we all gathered here all of a sudden?"

"Hiratsuka-sensei didn't explain the reason when she asked me to call you out."

"So we just need to wait for Hiratsuka-sensei, right?" Yuigahama–san asked.

I nodded. "Yes, she'll be here any minute."

Hiratsuka-sensei has visited a few times with the participants of the fundraising effort to check in and discuss our progress. She knows nothing has changed so far, but she still decided to schedule a meeting today.

What did she have on mind?

It didn't take too long for her to arrive.

"Hello, everyone." She opened the door and stepped inside.

"Hello, Sensei." the others greeted.

The teacher took a deep breath, bracing herself as if preparing to say something significant. She ran a hand through her hair, her gaze settling on us.

"I want to tell you something," she said, her tone carrying an unexpected weight.

The atmosphere in the classroom shifted subtly, the usual hum of restlessness replaced by a quiet sense of anticipation. We nodded, our focus sharpening as we waited intently for her to continue.

"There's something I want to make sure you understand, about Hikigaya's health. I'm not talking about his physical condition; when I say health, I mean his mental health."

Mental health..?

"I know how much he may have hurt you, how many times he's disappointed you, how many relationships he's left strained... But I'm asking you—Totsuka, Zaimokuza, Isshiki, Yuigahama, and... you too, Yukinoshita—to understand him. Try to have some empathy for him." She paused and inhaled deeply.

"Hikigaya is stubborn and pessimistic. His thoughts and actions often irritate others, and he tends to act according to a logic only he believes in. But above all, he's a scared, hopeless kid."

Everyone in the room was taken aback by her words. Their eyes widened, and their mouths parted in shock. Despite Hikigaya-kun's usual composed demeanor, deep down, fear and hopelessness were what consumed him the most.

Everyone was surprised to hear that but me.

I was aware of it. Because he showed it to me, only I had the opportunity to see what he has really been feeling all this time. I saw his vulnerable and true side, one that looked like the face of... as Hiratsuka-sensei said, a scared and hopeless kid.

"Zaimokuza, I've heard that it hadn't gone well between you two recently. You felt hurt and betrayed when you found out that he had hidden such an important secret from you, his friend. But have you ever thought that instead of because he didn't consider important telling you about it, it was because he was scared all along? Scared to see how his friend would react to such news?" She looked at him intensely, her words resonating.

He looked down, his mind pondering on what she'd said.

"Yukinoshita."

I looked at her.

"Hikigaya doesn't mean bad when he does something. If you think that he's being stubborn with you, then think about changing your approach, maybe? Address the matter differently from what you have been doing until now."

Changing my approach? How? What does she mean?

No matter how I address it, the issue will remain the same. Unless...

"Remember, Hikigaya is like a scared child. How is a scared child reassured? How do we convince a scared child to take the risk of overcoming his greatest fear?"

"..."

"That's it. Find the answer and maybe, you'll figure out the right approach to convince him."

"Yukinon... Only you is able to do that, you know? That's why, Hiratsuka-sensei is talking to you right now," Yuigahama-san said, then turning to the teacher, "right?"

Hiratsuka-sensei didn't say anything and only showed a nod, a faint smile on her face.

"I-I see..."

Only I can do it...

So, I am the one who has to find the answer to that issue.

My heart skipped a beat, accelerating as many memories resurfaced in my mind. I was reminded that, only I could have such an impact on him... And it was making my heart flutter in warmth.

"I actually think the same. Since I met Hachiman, I've noticed that the more time he spent with you, the more he changed—and I mean that in a good way. So, I'm confident that you're the one most capable of helping him change for the better, inside and out," Totsuka-kun said, his face shining with hope and sincerity.

"Honestly, I don't know if he'll ever come back at least one last time here before the end of the year, but I hope you'll know how to address him next. On that note, I think that's all I had to say."

Hiratsuka-sensei was about to leave the room before I call her out.

"Sensei..."

She turned toward me as I rose to my feet, my gaze determined.

"Thank you."

A faint smile curved on her lips, and with a slight nod, Hiratsuka-sensei made her final gesture before quietly leaving the room.

Silence settled in her absence, heavy and reflective, as if the air itself had paused to absorb her words. None of us spoke; instead, we were each lost in our own thoughts, turning over the weight of what she had said. She hadn't spoken idly. If she came here, it was to leave us with something meaningful, something to hold onto.

And I think I understood it—or at least, the part that mattered most.

Thanks to her, I feel like I've caught a glimpse of light in a path that, until now, seemed entirely shrouded in darkness. It's faint, almost fragile, but it's there.

And now, for the first time, I think I can take that path. If I keep moving forward, step by step, maybe—just maybe—that light will grow brighter, enough to illuminate the way ahead.


The next day

Pov : Hachiman Hikigaya

"Well, I suppose you're free now. Thank you for your patience," one of the doctors present in my hospital room said, a warm smile crossing his face as he patted my shoulder.

"Can I still walk long distances?"

"Yes, but take break from time to time if you feel your heart quickening."

I nodded and pulled my legs from the bed to the floor, my feet brushing against its coldness.

"Your things are on the table over there."

"Thanks." I stood up and went to take everything I needed.

From what I could see on my phone, it was currently 6:24pm, I could go to the cafeteria and get something to eat or eat at a nearby restaurant. I'm here for a few hours already and I already feel like going out.

I said goodbye to the doctors and left my room.

Each step I took became a reminder of how badly my health was declining. It feels like my members were heavier than before, making every movements I made more exhausting.

They were also a reminder that I was getting closer to that unavoidable date. I'm aware of Yukinoshita's will to cure me, but it's hopeless. All her efforts are vain and I fear that she realizes it too late.

It's been a while since we last saw each other, and I can't shake the feeling that she's mad at me. Ever since our argument, a distance has grown between us. If it keeps widening, everything I've done to stay by her side until my last breath will have been for nothing.

The school year is ending, along with my high school life, and I'm afraid that spending time with her becomes even more complicated because of the distance.

If there were any way to mend the rift that's been lingering between us for weeks, I'd seize it without hesitation. Because if I don't, this won't end well for either of us.

Reaching the hospital lobby, I looked at the entrance of the hospital and made my mind.

I'll find a restaurant nearby.

I moved forward, the muffled sounds of people coming and going filling the air. I was just a few meters from the building's doors when a particular silhouette captured my attention.

Someone stepped inside—someone I knew all too well. The moment my eyes landed on her, my feet halted as if rooted to the spot, my body freezing in place. It took her a few seconds to notice me, and when she did, her eyes widened slightly, her gaze locking onto mine. Her feet moved almost instinctively, drawing her closer

She carried her school bag at her side, but it was her beauty that dominated my senses. Everything around me faded to insignificance, reduced to mere background noise. I stared, transfixed, as though her presence alone could restore color to my grayscale world.

Her long, flowing black hair swayed gently as she quickened her pace, each step a ripple of elegance. Her lips parted slightly, as if about to whisper my name. Her deep blue eyes, shimmering with a delicate blend of sorrow and purity, pierced through me, anchoring me to this moment.

She came closer—closer still.

A meter separated us, then just inches. And then, she closed the gap completely.

Her body pressed against mine, her arms wrapping around me with a quiet urgency, her warmth seeping into me. Her head rested gently on my collarbone, her hair brushing against my cheek, its familiar, captivating scent filling my lungs.

Yes... this. This warmth, this softness, this lightness—I had missed it more than I realized. The way her arms held me tightly, as if she feared I might slip away, grounded me in a reality I thought I'd lost.

Without thinking, my arms encircled her, offering her the last remnants of warmth I had left. I held her close, as if she were the only thing keeping me tethered to the world.

...A few moments ago, I thought that a distance emerged between us, but for strange reason, I feel like it disappeared.

I think that as much as she did, I missed her terribly.

"Yo..."

"Glad to finally see you."

"Why are you here?"

"You sister told me that you would be here today, and awake."

Ah, I see, so that's what her message was talking about earlier...

"Hey, Onii-chan! Mom and Dad are working late today and can't make it. Someone else might come in their place."

Yukinoshita must be that someone else.

I'll thank Komachi later, she just earned a lot of points.

"It's a little embarassing to stay like this in a crowded place..."

"Sorry, but it's been too long I hadn't feel you this much. Let me hold you for a little while," she said, tightening her grip.

"Alright."

"Hikigaya-kun..."

"Yes?"

She lifted her head to look me in the eyes. "Did you eat?"

"Hum, no. I was about to."

Her hand slowly moved up to rest on my cheek, her fingers grazing my features.

"I missed you, you know..."

"I was told about it quite a lot."

Let's not recall how many times my sister and mother kept bringing up the fact that she visited me Monday and that she looked like a cute girl in love wanting desperetly to see the man of her life.

"Let's go get you something to eat, Hikigaya-kun." She let go of me and took my hand.

I let her intertwine her fingers with mine as we headed out of the building.

As we stepped outside, the cool air of early evening brushed against my skin. The sky was painted in hues of dusky purple and fading gold, the last remnants of sunlight slipping below the horizon.

We decided to go to the nearest restaurant we could find. Yukinoshita insisted on paying for my meal and everything else, and knowing her sturbbornness I just let her do as she wanted.

I took a seat across from her next to the windows.

"How do you feel? Does your heart hurt?" Yukinoshita suddenly asked.

"I feel an uncomfortable sensation in my chest, but I guess I got used to it over time."

This sensation becomes stronger when the rhythm of my heartbeats accelerates, the 'uncomfortable' feeling turning into real pain at some point. But as long as I don't overwork myself it doesn't happen.

Yukinoshita's eyes lowered slightly.

"But it's okay really, I'm not hurting right now. Actually, since you came the sensation became somewhat softer," I reassured.

"I see." She smiled.

I don't want to bring a bad ambiance between us right now. Luckily, she didn't bring up the topic of my operation yet and I hope she won't. If she does, we'll likely end up arguing again.

"Have you decided what you're going to eat?" A waiter came to take our orders.

"A grilled salmon with a side of steamed vegetables." She took the same thing as the last dinner we had.

"As for me I'll take ram-"

"Same goes for my boyfriend here," she cut me off.

My eyes widened, surprised not just by the fact that she had decided what I would eat, but by the way she referred to me in front of the waiter. A wave of heat crept up my face. I couldn't understand why I still felt so flustered when our relationship was acknowledged openly—especially when it came from her...

I mean, she isn't wrong though. But...

Nevermind.

"Alright, it'll take a few minutes." The waiter walked away.

I looked back at her, slightly unpleased.

"I wanted ramen."

"You are sick, Hikigaya-kun, and your parents told me that you needed to eat healthy. I only do what your parents asked."

"W-Was the 'boyfriend' necessary, though..?"

"I was afraid your already rotten brain cells had been damaged by your illness, so a reminder wouldn't hurt..." she explained, looking away shyly, her cheeks flushed a bit.

Your earlier hug wasn't enough of a reminder already, woman?

"You don't like when I call you my boyfriend? Would you prefer that I say friend? Or... dear brother?" She smirked.

Don't make it weird please..

"No, no it's okay, I like the boyfriend..." I sighed, pinching my nose.

A few minutes later, our plates arrived.

Yukinoshita grabbed her utensils and said: "Itadakimasu." Then took her first bite of her food.

"Itadakimasu." I followed suit.

We ate in comfortable silence, each of us focused on the food in front of us while the background noises softly filled the air. No words were exchanged; we simply ate, the quiet between us feeling natural rather than strained.

Every so often, our eyes would meet—small glances that turned into lingering stares. But instead of looking away, we held each other's gaze and smiled.

Don't ask me why we acted this way; it just happened. It felt effortless, unspoken, and genuine. And I was glad for it. What once might have felt awkward now felt... endearing. Simple moments like these had become something we shared, something warm and quietly beautiful.

"Hey, Hikigaya-kun..."

"Yes?"

"How long... do you think you have left?" she asked, setting her utensil down on the table, her meal finished. Her eyes met mine, filled with a deep, unwavering intensity.

"I used to wonder if I'd even make it to my 18 before the disease consumed me completely. But now... I'm certain I won't. According to the doctors, I won't make it past July."

"I see... So until july, that's it?"

I nodded, taking my last bite of food until I finish.

I've still got between 3 and 4 months left. That's still better than having them suddenly reduced to a few weeks.

*cough*

I instinctively placed my hand before my mouth as I coughed.

"Are you okay, Hikigaya-kun?" Yukinoshita asked, her tone worried.

"Y-Yes."

My eyes widened in horror as I looked down at my hand, the sight of what I had just coughed out sending a chill down my spine. Acting quickly, I grabbed a nearby handkerchief and began to hastily clean my up at Yukinoshita, I tried to determine if she had seen it or not.

I don't think she did.

"Can we stop talking about that, please?"

Yukinoshita's eyes widened slighty, a hint of melancholy and understanding filling them as she nodded.

"It seems like we're both done eating, shall we?" I said.

"Yes, let's go."

Yukinoshita stood up and headed towards the cashier at the restaurant to pay the bills, while I waited nearby by the exit. It didn't take long before she joined me.

"Do you live far?"

"Huh? You've planned to walk me home too?"

"Of course. I won't leave you alone while anything can happen to you."

Her determination was cute so I just accepted without complaints.

We left the restaurant and headed toward my house. On the way, we passed by a nearby monorail stop to save time and spare me the longer walk. It was rush hour, so the train was packed, and unfortunately, there were no available seats. We had to do our best to remain steady, despite the constant jostling of the crowd around us.

Yukinoshita didn't handle crowded places well, and with her fear of heights, the situation was even more challenging for her.

"C-Can I hold your hand...?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"S-Sure..." I replied, my own voice uncertain but steady enough.

We clasped hands, using each other for balance as the monorail swayed along the tracks.

A sudden lurch of the train sent a ripple through the crowd, causing everyone to shift at once. Yukinoshita was caught off guard, stumbling forward and grabbing onto my coat to steady herself. In the process, the top of her head bumped into my chin, a sharp but unintentional collision.

"Sorry..!" She quickly straightened, her eyes wide with embarrassment. I bit back a wince, managing a small smile.

"I-It's okay..."

After all, it wasn't every day that a train ride turned into an exercise in survival—and shared awkwardness.

After what felt like an eternity, we finally stepped off the monorail. Our hands were still clasped together as we carefully descended onto the platform. A wave of fresh air swept over us, sweeping away the oppressive weight of the crowded train and offering a much-needed sense of relief.

"It shouldn't be too far now," I said.

"Okay, lead the way," she replied softly, her tone calm but tinged with a subtle nervousness.

We started walking through the quiet streets, the faint glow of streetlights casting long shadows on the pavement. The world felt subdued, hushed, as though the night itself was holding its breath. Neither of us spoke, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable.

We finally stopped in front of my house. The porch light was on, casting a pool of warm light onto the ground, illuminating the faint outlines of the door and windows. I turned to Yukinoshita, our hands still joined. She looked up at me, the glow from the light catching in her eyes, making them shimmer like deep pools of sapphire.

"We're arrived," I finally announced.

Slowly, she let out a breath, her fingers loosening around mine.

I glanced at her, she was staring at my house with thoughtful eyes. I couldn't quite grasp what was going on her mind right now, but I hope it would end here.

From the very moment we reunited at the hospital, not a single time has she talked about her plan to gather money for my operation. Did she give up on it? Did she decide to accept things as I told her?

For strange reasons, my heart slightly quickened at the thought.

I then took a step forward, not wanting to push the thought any further but her voice abruptly stopped me.

"Wait..."

I looked at her, she seemed to struggle to form what she wanted to say next.

"...Is that all? Even after what you've gone through at the hospital, you still remain...indifferent about it?" Her words resonated in the air, sending me shiver down my spine.

I see...

So she hasn't given up in the end.

That's true, who am I taking her for? She's Yukino Yukinoshita.

"I hoped you wouldn't bring that up. We've already had plenty of conversations about it, Yukinoshita."

"Please, I know how you feel. Deep down, you're seeking for it but you don't realize it yourself."

"..."

"I know you're scared, anyone would be in your position. That's why, I know you need help."

Then again, she's repeating the same things.

"Listen, Yukinoshita, if we keep this conversation going, it's only going to lead somewhere neither of us wants to go. Let's stop here."

I could feel it deep in my chest—an unshakable sense that if we pushed any further, nothing good would come of it.

Her expression shifted, sorrow clouding her features. Her gaze softened as she held mine, a quiet ache in her eyes that spoke louder than words ever could.

"I missed you so much, it wasn't for long you were away from me but I still managed to miss you so desperately. I can't help but imagine..."

No, don't.

Don't say that, please.

"How will it be when you'll be gone forever?"

A sudden, unexpected twinge of pain passed through my heart, making it skip a beat. It was an aching, sharp jolt that resonated throughout my being.

"..."

"I just... I know I won't bear it."

"It will be temporary, after that you'll surely find-"

"Can't you understand what I'm trying to say, Hikigaya-kun?" Her tone took a sharper turn, as if her emotions were more easily able to overwhelm in these cicumstances.

She took a step closer to me, her fist clenching tightly as her pupils trembled in her eyes. Was it sadness or anger? I had no idea.

I wasn't understanding the meaning behind her words, or I was refusing to see it.

"You couldn't have known because we haven't seen each other much lately. But, Hikigaya-kun... I can't accept this. No matter how many times you tell me to, I just can't let go of you. I've become... ridiculously desperate."

Her voice trembled, yet her determination held firm, an unyielding strength beneath the sorrow.

"Yukinoshita..."

I placed my hands gently on her shoulders, feeling the slight tremor beneath my fingertips. Leaning closer, I reached out, brushing a strand of her hair away from her face. Her eyes widened, her cheeks flushing with the faintest tint of pink, but she didn't pull away.

"I am ephemeral," I whispered, my voice low and strained. "I was always destined to be. No matter what I do, no matter how much I fight, life finds a way to remind me of my inevitable fate. Your attempts to save me... they feel hopeless now. This is reality, Yukinoshita. I am dying."

Her eyes shimmered with tears she refused to let fall.

"You can't be serious... You want me to believe you've accepted this? Deep down, is that really how you feel? Don't you want to live? To have the long life you once dreamed of?"

I sighed, my shoulders sagging under the weight of the truth I carried. "Sorry, Yukinoshita... but I can't even dream of that anymore. When I sleep, all I see are futures where I'm not there."

The words felt like stones dropping from my lips, each one heavier than the last. I had made my choice; I was sure of what I was doing.

Then why does my heart ache so much right now?

"That's not true, Hikigaya-kun," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I can see it in your eyes. The truth is... you haven't fully accepted it either."

Her words struck like a chisel against a fragile wall, my eyes widening as my heart pounded violently against my ribs. My grip on her shoulders tightened involuntarily. Confusion clouded my mind, my resolve crumbling bit by bit.

Why does her voice always hold such power over me?

She stepped closer, her gaze unwavering, filled with a mix of pain and unwavering care. "Listen, I'm not here to pressure you. I just want to help, to ease your burdens. That's all I want. I know how much you're suffering. The pain you feel in here..." Her hand gently rested on my chest, right above my heart. "It's unbearable, isn't it? Let me help carry it. Please... I promise I'll save it."

Her touch was soft, so achingly tender it felt like it could mend the fractures inside me. My hand instinctively moved to cover hers, pressing it harder against my chest. For a moment, I wanted to believe her, to let that warmth seep in and make everything better.

But reality snapped back like a cruel whip.

"No..."

"What do you mean, 'no'?"

I took her hand, carefully pulling it away from my chest, the absence of her warmth instantly hollowing me out.

"There's nothing you can do. It's over for me, do you understand?" My voice was hoarse, each word ripping through me. "This heart you felt beating beneath your palm... it will stop soon. That's what I've accepted."

I paused, taking a shuddering breath, the air feeling sharp in my lungs. My gaze met hers, steady and unrelenting, though my insides felt like they were breaking apart.

"I accepted that I won't be by your side forever."

I loosened my grip on her hand, my fingers falling away. Her eyes widened, the color draining from her face. Her mouth parted as if she wanted to speak, but no sound came out.

She stood there, frozen in a coldness that seemed to seep into her bones, her breath shallow, her gaze lost. The weight of my words hung between us, an invisible wall rising where there had once been a fragile bridge.

"..."

Is it the moment to end the conversation..?

Probably.

"I think you should return home too, I wouldn't want you to-"

When I intended to tell her to go home, something stopped me. My words froze on my lips, paralyzed by the sight before me. My eyes widened, my chest tightening painfully.

This unfamiliar expression on her face struck me like a blow. It felt as though... I'd gone too far. Maybe I had said something wrong. No, Ihadsaid something wrong.

I fucked up.

A glimmer of dampness welled in her eyes, and then, for the first time, she let her tears flow freely, cascading down her cheeks in shimmering trails. She bit her lip tightly, a futile effort to silence her sobs, but her gaze remained sharp, edged with frustration and despair.

Her face was slowly overtaken by her tears, yet she didn't look away. Instead, she held my gaze with fierce determination, as if forcing me to confront the damage I'd caused.

"Idiot..." she whispered, her voice a fragile crackle.

She didn't try to hide her tears anymore; they kept falling, one after another.

"I'm struggling so hard... I'm fighting with everything I have. And now I realize the thing I'm fighting the most is you."

"..."

I couldn't find a response. My throat tightened, the silence between us growing unbearable.

"'I accepted that I won't be by your side forever.' Can you hear yourself? You said that to me and thought I'd just nod and say, 'okay, I got it'? Don't you realize how much that hurt, hearing those words from you, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Yukinoshita..." My voice shook, barely escaping my lips, powerless against the storm of her emotions.

"No, shut it." Her eyes flashed with a desperate fire. "Don't even think about using that rotten mouth of yours to say more of that stupidity. I can't take it anymore. I'm exhausted, Hikigaya-kun. Tired of fighting your pessimism. Do you have any idea what I've been doing for you? How much I've sacrificed?"

Her voice broke, but she pushed forward, her words coming out in a raw torrent.

"I spend every single night trying to figure out how to save you. I've been battling my mother's refusal, trying to gather enough money for this operation. And you—the one person I want to save the most—are standing against me!"

I listened, unable to speak, as she unleashed everything she'd held back. Beneath the dark night sky, she was determined to bare her soul.

"All those nights I spent torturing myself, searching for answers... do they seem meaningless to you? And that's not even the worst of it."

Her lips twisted into a trembling, sad smile that cut deeper than any glare.

"Do you know what I've even considered doing just to save you? You'd be surprised. For a moment, I even thought about selling my own dignity."

"What...? Your dignity...? What do you mean?"

I tried to stop my mind from spiraling into dark conclusions. There was no way...

"Exactly what you're thinking, Hikigaya-kun."

Her voice was barely audible, but the weight of her admission crashed into me. A cold knife seemed to pierce my heart, the edges of reality blurring. She let out a shaky, bitter chuckle, as if even she couldn't believe the words leaving her mouth.

"It sounds so out of character for me, doesn't it? But I thought about it. I really did. That's how desperate I've been."

Her eyes shimmered with anguish, a reflection of her unyielding resolve and the pain she bore.

A wave of nausea hit me. The thought that she would even consider such a thing because of me made my chest tighten. My fists clenched, nails biting into my palms as I struggled to breathe under the weight of her desperation.

I had hurt her more deeply than I ever imagined—and I had no idea how to fix it.

"...I didn't know you-"

"Of course you couldn't..." she sobbed and continued, "You were so busy after all, huh?"

I reached out and placed my hand on her cheek, feeling the damp trail of tears that had already fallen—and the fresh ones still streaming down. I gently tried to wipe them away, but no matter how carefully I brushed my thumb across her skin, it felt futile. The weight of my words clung to her, an invisible wound that my touch couldn't heal.

In that moment, I realized just how badly I had hurt her. Her tears flowed freely, unstoppable, and my hand seemed powerless against the damage I had caused. The trust, the hope, the fragile strength she had built... I had shattered it.

What have I just done to her..?

How is it possible that I fumbled that badly?

I didn't want to make her cry, I didn't want to make her like this. But I knew I would. I repeat the same mistakes over and over again. And in the end, Yukinoshita ends up in the same state.

Now I get to witness it with my own eyes.

I couldn't bear this sight—the sound of her sobs filling the air, her tears falling like an endless torrent, and her eyes staring at me, brimming with desperation, sorrow, and anger.

"I love you so much, Hikigaya-kun."

These words alone made my heart ach more painfully than ever. In the midst of all this mess I'd made, she still managed to say those words, those simple words yet powerful in signification.

"It's this love that is making me do all of this."

She suddenly hit my chest with the palm of her hand, not too hard.

"And you're unable to take good care of all the love I give to you..."

She hit me a second time.

"You Hikidiot-kun..."

Another hit landed on my chest.

"You dimwit..."

Then, another blow landed on me, but this time her hand didn't move away, it stayed there, clutching the fabric of my coat.

"You... Hachiman..."

Hachiman isn't an insult...

She leaned into me, her arms pulling me tightly against her trembling body as she cried into my shoulder, her sobs echoing painfully in my ear.

"I don't want you to die, damn it... You're the one I love most in this world. There's no way I can accept any future where I'm not by your side. You're my love, my future... my everything."

Her words shattered the last defenses I had left. I knew I couldn't just stand by and do nothing for her—not now.

I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close as my fingers gently threaded through her hair in an attempt to soothe her. Only then did I realize my own tears were threatening to fall. I couldn't stop them, not this time, so I let them go.

The warm droplets fell onto her hair and clothes, each one a silent confession of my pain, my regret, and the overwhelming love I hadn't known how to express.

"I'm sorry..."

Only her sobs answered for her.

I then decided to say it louder.

"I'm so sorry, Yukinoshita... I didn't mean to-"

"You don't need to say all of this. The thing is done now, no matter how many time you apologize, it won't fix the real problem here..."

I flinched slightly, I knew well what she was talking about.

"For now... Just hold me, Hachiman."

"...First name now?"

"Allow me to use it when we're alone."

"Fine."

"I want you to hold me tight, Hachiman, and to never let go until my tears stop falling, you heard me?"

"Yes..."

My arms tightened around her, my hand still caressing her long black hair soothingly.

"Do... Do I do well, Yukino?" A shiver ran down her spin the moment her first name left my lips.

"Y-Yes... Just keep going... I still haven't stopped crying, you know."

We stayed like this for a while, holding each other in this tight, intimate embrass. It wasn't only her body that I was hugging, but also the soul she laid bare before me. I embraced it, let it reach the very depth of my heart.

The person I was a year ago would have never imagined having someone so precious crying in my arms. Let alone that someone like me could hold such importance to someone like her.

For once, I felt truly lost. When she laid her emotions bare, speaking with complete honesty, I found myself unsure of what to do or say.

I questionned my own way of thinking, my own way of being as well.

And it seemed like I'd do it for the rest of the night.

When we finally let go of each other, we didn't bother talking about the operation again, she was too tired to keep going with it.

She pressed her head against my chest, listening to the racing beat of my heart for a few seconds, and then pulled away.

"I'm making quite the mess in there too, it seems..."

"It's only now you realize it?"

She shook her head, a faint, melancholic smile curving on her lips.

"I will be going... I hope this conversation had affected you the way I wanted it to."

"..."

"See you around, Hachiman..."

She then walked off, her eyes no longer visible from my view.

I watched her walk away, until her silhouette faded into the distance. It's only after that I decided to get home too.

As I stepped inside, one realization struck me: everything that happened between Yukinoshita and me tonight had unfolded right in front of my house.

Does that mean my family may have seen us..?