A/N: Thank you to everyone reading, and to those who have put this story on their favorites or alert list! An extra thank you to Sailor Dragonball 87 for the many reviews and to TobiasBoon and Fairy Of Fandoms 4Ever for their reviews on the latest chapter!
I apologize for the lack of a chapter last week, I went on vacation and we left early Monday morning.
Chapter 28: A Shoulder to Cry On
By the time Hunith reached the hallway, there was no sign of Morgana. She knew the girl couldn't have gone far, only a couple minutes had passed since she ran out of the banquet hall, but the problem was she could have gone in either direction.
Hunith paused to think for a moment. The most logical place for Morgana to go would be back to her room. She set off down the hall in that direction.
However, she hadn't gone far when she heard muffled sobbing coming from behind a door. Opening the door, she found a linen closet. She couldn't see Morgana right away, but she could hear her.
Following the sound, she found Morgana at the back of the closet, half hidden behind a stack of pillows. Her knees were drawn up to her chest, and her head rested on her arms on top of them.
She didn't look up as Hunith approached. Hunith wasn't sure she was even aware someone else was there.
"Morgana?" she asked quietly.
"Go away," Morgana choked out, still not looking up.
But Hunith didn't leave. Instead she sat down on the ground near Morgana. Not quite touching her, but near enough for the girl to feel her presence.
Morgana didn't tell her to go away again. In fact, for several minutes, she didn't acknowledge Hunith's presence at all. Hunith didn't say anything, she simply let the girl cry.
"It's not fair!" When Morgana finally did speak, her voice barely intelligible through her continued sobs, Hunith wasn't sure if the words were intended for her or if she simply couldn't hold it in anymore.
"No, it's not," she agreed quietly, "It's not fair at all." She reached out and put her arm around Morgana, just as she had done earlier that day, as they stood at her father's side. Morgana leaned into her, lifting her head from her knees and pressing it into Hunith's shoulder.
"Why did he have to go?" her voice was muffled and still clogged with tears, "I begged him to stay home. Why didn't he listen?"
There were answers Hunith could have given, about Gorlois' duty as a knight, his desire to protect Camelot, but she knew those answers wouldn't help Morgana now. Deep down, she already knew them. Right now, she just needed something to listen. She wrapped her other arm around Morgana, and began rubbing a circle on her back, the way she had often soothed Merlin when he was upset. She began to softly hum a lullaby.
After a while, Morgana's tears slowed.
"If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen," Hunith told her, breaking off her humming, while still rubbing Morgana's back, "And if you just want to sit, that's okay too. We can sit here for as long as you like."
Morgana didn't respond right away. She kept her head against Hunith's shoulder as her ragged breathing slowly calmed and steadied. When she did speak, her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Everything feels so wrong. It hasn't felt right since my father went away," her breath shuddered, close to a sob once more, "And now it feels like things will never be right again."
Hunith tightened her arms around her, "I know it feels that way right now, but I promise you, it won't always."
"I've lost everything!" Morgana's voice was anguished, almost heated, "Don't you understand? My father was all I had! Now I'm alone, and I've even lost my home."
Hunith carefully considered her response. She wanted to comfort Morgana, but she didn't want to invalidate her feelings.
"It must feel like your world has turned upside down," she said gently.
"That's exactly what it feels like," Morgana's voice had gone small again.
"I know how scary it can be to start your life over in a new place," Hunith continued, "Even under the best of circumstances. And having to make that new start after such a loss… I can't imagine what that's like."
"I just want to go home," Morgana said, then took another shuddering breath, "Except…. home's not really home anymore either."
"I know being here doesn't feel like the right thing," Hunith said gently, "But I want you to know that you're not alone. Your father loved you very much, and he wanted to make sure you would always be taken care of, even if something happened to him. That's why he asked Uther to look after you."
Morgana stiffened at Uther's name, "I don't want him to look after me. I hate him. I'd rather be alone than with him."
"It's okay to be angry," Hunith told her, "I know that sometimes angry feels better than sad. But your father trusted Uther with your care for a reason. Uther loved your father, and all he wants now is to make sure you're all right. Trust your father's choice, even if you don't trust Uther."
Morgana didn't say anything. Hunith didn't press the issue. Now wasn't the time to address Morgana's anger. She needed time to heal from her grief first.
"But Uther isn't the only one you have now," she added, "You have me too, and Merlin, and Arthur. We all care about you, and we're not going to let you be alone."
"You barely even know me," Morgana pointed out, "Why should you care?"
"I know you well enough to know I'm going to like you a lot," Hunith said, "We'll get to know each other over time. But for right now, all I need to know is that you're hurting and you need someone. If anything ever happened to me, I hope someone would step in and be there for Merlin, even if they didn't know him very well. So that's what I intend to do for you."
Morgana was quiet for a moment. Then she raised her head to look at Hunith, "Did you mean it when you said things wouldn't always feel like this? Do you really think I'll feel okay again someday?"
"I did, and I do," Hunith answered gently, "I don't know what it's like to lose a parent, let alone at your age, but I do know how it feels to lose someone you love. And it's not easy, not at any age. But, as time passes, it gets a little easier. And eventually you know you're going to be okay."
"How long will that take?" Morgana asked.
"There's no one answer to that question," Hunith responded, "Grief is different for everyone. And it doesn't happen all at once. You might feel okay one day, and then be hurting again the next. But as time goes on, you'll have more and more okay days, and less and less hurting days."
She squeezed Morgana's shoulder gently, "I won't lie to you, the sadness won't ever go away entirely. You'll always miss your father. But someday, you'll be able to remember him and feel happy for the time you shared, instead of just mourning the time you lost. And when you do have those sad days, those days when you just miss him so much it hurts, you'll know that it won't last forever, and knowing that will make the hurt bearable."
Morgana took a deep breath, "I felt like this before," she said quietly, ":When my mother left. I remember I used to run into her room every morning, thinking that she'd be back. And when she wasn't, it hurt so badly. Eventually, I stopped bothering to check. I knew she wasn't coming back, and that hurt even worse."
Hunith squeezed her tighter.
Morgana continued, "But… eventually, it didn't hurt as bad anymore, just like you said. Now… I don't think about her very much. I barely even remember her. All I really remember is when she was gone."
She turned her face toward Hunith, "I was okay without her because I had my father. And I want to be okay again now too, but I don't want to forget him. What if someday all I can remember is him leaving me, and not everything that came before?"
"That won't happen," Hunith promised her, "You were very young when your mother left, that's why you don't remember. But you're older now; you won't forget your father."
"Are you sure?" Morgana asked, and Hunith could hear the worry that was still in her tone.
"I'm sure," Hunith replied, "And I'll help you keep his memory alive. I only knew your father for a brief time, but you can tell me all your favorite memories of him. And if you'd like, I'll retell them to you, and that way you can be sure you will never lose them."
"I'd like that," Morgana said softly. She lay her head back down on Hunith's shoulder, "Is it okay if I tell you another time, though? I don't think I could do it now. It still hurts too much."
Hunith stroked the hair back from Morgana's forehead, "Of course. Whenever you're ready to tell me about it, I'll be ready to listen, whether that's tomorrow or in a month."
Morgana nodded against Hunith's shoulder, "Thank you."
A few moments passed in silence. Then Morgana sat up straight, pulling away from Hunith a little.
"Thank you," she said again, "For coming to find me, and for not listening when I told you to go away."
Hunith smiled at her, "You're welcome."
"Are you ready to get out of this cupboard?" she asked.
Morgana nodded, then hesitated, "Do I have to go back to the feast? I'm not sure I can bear that."
"No, you don't have to," Hunith assured her, "Why don't I walk you back to your room? I'm sure you could use a good night's sleep."
Morgana nodded, and they stood up together. They walked back to Morgana's room side by side. The halls were empty; everyone was still at the feast.
When they reached Morgana's room, Hunith waited while Morgana changed into her nightdress and climbed into bed, then pulled the covers up over her, tucking her in.
"Would you like me to stay until you fall asleep?" she asked.
Morgana nodded, "Yes, please. If you don't mind."
"I don't mind at all," Hunith assured her. She pulled a chair up near Morgana's bed and sat down.
Morgana closed her eyes, nestling down into her covers. "Goodnight, Hunith," she murmured, her voice already sounding sleepy.
"Goodnight, Morgana," Hunith whispered. She settled back into her chair, ready to watch over Morgana until she knew the child was resting.
Thank you for reading! Any reviews would be greatly appreciated.
