This fic took a backburner for a while and I apologize for that! But here's a new chapter! My writing drive has been low and my niece has been staying over on the weekend so its cut my writing time down for a bit but I'm kicking myself into gear! I want nothing more than to focus on writing for this fic and my Shades of EraserMic fic! Plus I have quite a few one shots that I have planned but until then here's a new chapter! I'm more than happy to get it out and I hope that you all enjoy it! Thank you for being so patient if you've been waiting for this! Until we meet again ❤️


"Izu, you need to come and finish your dinner! You know better than to go running around when you still have food on your plate!" Hizashi listened to the patter of feet when he glanced over his shoulder to find Izuku marching into the room with a pout before making his way back to the dinner table where his plate was sitting. "C'mon, bud, it's not that hard to finish up your food, yeah? Just finish up eating then you can go play with your brother before bedtime."

"But bedtime is really soon! I don't wanna be eating the entire time and not get to play again!" Izuku whined when he sat in his seat again with a grunt as he sat down on the chair with hands reaching for his meal. It was a simplistic meal tonight of nikujaga that he knew any other day his son would devour in one go. Tonight seemed to be harder for Izuku to finish his meal for the first time in a long time. He hummed softly to himself when he turned his attention back to the dishes at hand.

"That's because you have school tomorrow, buddy. But I promise we'll all have some extra play time tomorrow after school together, okay?" Glancing over, he watched small shoulders slump when he listened to the click of chopsticks against the ceramic bowl. He couldn't help a stab of guilt as he turned his attention back to the dishes before. Suds running down his fingers as he scrubbed at his bowl with a soft sigh. "It's important that you eat, Izu, I don't want you going to bed hungry."

He didn't get a response from the green-haired boy who seemed to be focusing on eating when he let out another sigh to himself as he rinsed off the bowl in his hands before placing it into the strainer. He rinsed his hands off then turned the water off. He grabbed the towel hanging on the handle of the stove door when Reese, their newest addition to their cat family, came running with nails scratching at the floor when Hitoshi popped into the hallway. "Dad, where's Izu?"

"He's finishing his dinner, Toshi. He's gotta finish eating it before he continues playing." He hated the way he noted shoulders slumping further when he sighed out with his hands going to the hem of his sweater when Hitoshi came pattering down the hallway with the slap of his feet ringing out over the tiled floors. The indigo-haired six-year-old then shuffled into the kitchen then threw his arm around his waist when he met him halfway. "I promise, we'll all play properly after school tomorrow."

"You promise? You've been super-duper busy lately, Dad, and you never have time anymore." Oh. Oh, now that stung. He winced when he slid his hands over wild indigo locks when purple eyes peered up at him from under dark lashes. A pout on his lips, he sighed when thin arms tightened around his waist with a clatter catching his attention. He glanced over to find Izuku slipping out of his seat with cheeks bulging with the amount of food in them.

"Izuku, you know better than to stuff yourself like that! You chew and swallow before you even think of playing." He hated the way shoulders drooped under his scolding tone when Izuku padded over to the sink to drop his bowl into it. Chewing frantically with small swallows taken in between when he sighed out. "But I'm sorry I've been so busy lately, Toshi, I really am. I really promise tomorrow, right after school, the three of us will play in the snow together! And we'll play when we come in too!"

"You always say that." God, he hates the sullen tone of his son when he slid his hand over wild indigo locks. His chest ached when he glanced at Izuku who swallowed quickly while chewing in between but he knew there'd be a pout on those lips soon enough. He sighed when he squatted down with arms leaving his waist to curl around his shoulder as Hitoshi frowned. "You always say that and it's always for a little bit. You're always busy."

Wincing at the accusing tone of his son, he slid his hands over his upper arms gently then slid his hands up to squeeze at shoulders while Izuku swallowed behind him. "I know I've been busy, bud, but I promise as soon as December is over, I'll be back to my regular work hours. Three more weeks, guys, I promise. And tomorrow we will be going outside and playing! I want to make snowmen with the both of you and I want to spend time with you and hear about school. I promise, it'll be over soon."

"You really promise?" He glanced over his shoulder at the quiet tone of Izuku's; filled with a tentative hope that had him shifting in his squat, his arm outstretched. Izuku shuffled forward and squeezed himself under his arm when he hugged both boys to his chest. Heads resting on his shoulders and small hands twisting into his shirt to hold onto him tightly. "Do you really, really promise you'll play with us more? Can we make a bunch of snowmen tomorrow? Play all afternoon tomorrow?"

"I promise! I swear, three more weeks to go and then the three of us will be playing just like we used to! I know me taking on extra work hasn't left me much time, but I want to hear all about your days, and I want to play with the both of you more than anything! Especially with the two feet of snow we're getting over night!" He squeezed his arms around the children in his arms as hands tightened on his shirt when he kissed at green curls and wild indigo locks. "I love you both, you know that? I promise we'll play tomorrow."

"You better because Zu lost two more teeth at school!" He blinked before pulling back when Izuku grinned revealing a missing bottom canine and opened his mouth to reveal a top front molar had come out. He felt his mouth dropping open when Hitoshi then grinned at him to show off a missing left canine and a front bottom molar that was revealed with that wide grin. "Me too! And-And the teacher told me, and Zu grew two whole inches when we were doing heights!"

Two inches? It had him blinking when he then let himself fall back onto his ass with his arms yanking both boys into his lap. A wheeze leaving him when his sons squealed into his neck with hands holding onto him as they folded into a heap. Squeezing them to his chest tightly. They were growing up under his nose and he was missing it. Missing all of it. "My goodness, you both are growing up so much faster than I thought. You guys gotta tell me this stuff! Man, have I been outta touch or what?"

"You have! But that's okay, Dad, because we forgive you! You're workin' really hard but you gotta play with us too!" Izuku replied, his voice muffled by his shoulder when the boy then tilted his head back with a giggle leaving the green-haired boy in his arms when arms tightened around him. "Play with us more, okay? We miss you, Dad, and we wanna play with you! We haven't even gotten a tree or decorated the house yet! We're falling behind!"

"How about we do that tomorrow, hmm? We'll buy a tree closer to Christmas and we'll all go out and we'll buy all kinds of decorations for inside and outside of the house, yeah? And while I shovel, we'll play in the snow too! I promise, I'll put more time into spending time with you both more." Squeezing his arms around his sons, he kissed at the tops of heads which got him giggles. "Now, both of you go play so you can get that energy out for bedtime! I have to get started on laundry anyhow!"

Hitoshi and Izuku hugged him tightly with all the strength two six-year-old's possessed before scrambling out of his arms. He smiled softly when both boys stood up then bent over to kiss at the top of his head before running off with a shriek as they thudded down the hallway quickly. As if embarrassed to show him even a bit of affection. He didn't mind it one bit. Sighing out, he leaned back onto his hands before spinning to turn onto his knees then pushing his way to his feet.

Glancing at the sink where his son's empty bowl rested, he slid his hands over his thighs before making his way to the hallway. He'd do it in a moment. It wasn't a pressing issue like the laundry that he needed to get up to date on. He made his way down the hallway past the living room doorway where his sons were sitting on the couch. Izuku had gotten better as of late with holding his cast arm up rather than relying on his sling. Izuku made it clear that he preferred to wear his swing for school.

At home, the green-haired boy seemed to be adjusting to the weight of his cast and hardly touched the sling when they were home. Making his way up the stairs with the light thud of his socked feet on them, he made his way up them quickly then down the short hallway to the bathroom. He flicked the light on then stuck his head into the room to find a nearly full hamper of clothing from the week. He shuffled into the bathroom to grab the laundry basket filled with his children's clothing.

He turned on his feet then to shuffle into the hallway with the basket in hand. He really needed to stay up to date on this basket. Making his way down the hallway, he then proceeded down the stairs carefully as he could to avoid tripping on a cat. Clutching at the handle with his left hand, he decided to hold onto the railing with his right while sliding the basket down the stairs slowly in front of him. Making his way down the stairs quickly as he could without falling, he sighed out when he got to the bottom step.

Grabbing at the handle he lifted the basket up once more then marched forward into the living room past his boys to the small door of their utility room. He tugged it open then stepped into the room where he flicked the light on. Placing the hamper down, he couldn't help but groan at the thought of doing two loads throughout the night, but it needed to be done. His sons had unlimited clothing options, but he knew it was best to get on the laundry now rather than later.

He tugged open the top to the washer to which he began to heave arm loads of clothing into the basin. Making sure it was evenly spread around the middle, he shoved as much as he dared into the machine before grabbing at the soaps. Pouring capfuls then dumping them over the dirty clothing, he slammed the top shut then twisted the knots. Pulling out the larger one with a pop, water began gushing into the basin when he rubbed his hands on his pants before turning.

Opening the small door then shutting it, he made his way across the living room with a glance at the boys sitting enraptured by their show on the screen. Soon enough they'd be scuttling upstairs to get their teeth brushed and into their pajamas. He entered the hall once more when he made his way into the kitchen where the dishes were drying on the rack. He hummed softly to himself before he made his way across the kitchen into the small dining room of his where he pushed the chairs one at a time.

Making sure it was tidy then made sure to check the back door to ensure it was locked. Once he did so, he checked the singular window on the side of the house to make sure that was locked as well. Making his way back to the kitchen, he found himself making his way to the sink where he turned the water on to get the bowl within rinsed when he picked his sponge up with a slow, deep breath being taken. He tried to calm the tremble to his hands as he sudded up the soap once more then began to scrub his son's bowl and chopsticks.

They were getting better at using them and he wanted nothing more than to encourage his sons to continue practicing with their chopsticks. They were much better at then tonight than he expected and he'd been choked up by the development. He rinsed them off then slid them into the cup that the rest of their utensils sat in then began rinsing out his bowl. Scrubbing it with suds forming beneath his fingers. Trying to keep himself busy the best he could when he sighed out that trembled far too much for his liking.

He rinsed the soapy suds out of his son's bowl. His mind wondering away with his lips pursing together. He was missing it. He was missing his sons developmental milestones. The fact they'd lost two more teeth? All their baby teeth would be gone by the next year and he'd missed the last two that had fallen out. He was damn near in tears when he saw that the canine gaps of August had long since been filled with an adult canine with adult incisors along with it.

It was heartbreaking knowing he'd been so busy lately that his sons felt they had to beg for his time. His affection. So busy that he had actually missed these changes in his growing sons. It hurt him more than he could dare to express. Hurt him in his heart deeper than he realized. Deeper than his sons realized. Taking on this substituting job seemed to have more flaws than it seemed to have perks. It was more of a hassle than it was an extra revenue for good pay.

He was not only intruding in Shouta's space, whether he admitted it or not, but he was missing everything his boys were going through. He was missing hair that was growing longer. Missing the fact that they were growing taller. Teeth falling out like damn candy. What would he miss next? Would it be a new size shoe for Hitoshi? Would it be a new scrape on Izuku's knuckles from flying off the swings? Would it be another inch gained and another chance to celebrate gone? It hurt.

It hurt him so badly he had no words to express the depth of his pain as he bit at his lip before it could tremble. He wanted to be a good father. All he'd ever wanted was to be a good father but here his sons were with melancholy. Doubt when it came to his promises when not even a few months back there had been hope when he promised. Sparkles of delight when he would make a promise to them. It hurt. He was missing his sons more and more lately but the worst part? He hadn't noticed it.

He hadn't noticed he was, indeed, lacking to find things about his sons that were new. He was missing the sudden developments with his sons and God if that didn't cut deep. To know his sons were wanting his attention but weren't trying to bother him. Weren't vocalizing it but rather waiting to tell him when they had the chance. The sight of his hands moving to wash the bowl in his hands was growing blurry. A smear of color that had him placing the bowl down and lifting his wet hands up to tug his glasses off.

Placing them on the counter, he lifted his hands up to press his wrists to his eyes to smear away the tears gathering there. God, he felt like an awful father. He felt like the worst father alive not noticing these little things when it came to his boys. When it came to his sons who were growing up so fast he was missing it all. It was hard. It was upsetting. He felt awful that his sons had to hold their breaths and hesitate on talking to him. He wanted to hear their opinions even if they were only six-years-old.

He didn't want them to be afraid or hesitant when it came to bringing something up to him. The last thing he needed was to miss something because his boys were afraid to tell him what was going on. He rubbed at his eyes fiercely but the tears continued to bubble on his lashes and smear over his wrists as he tried in vain to rub them away. Sniffling fiercely, he rubbed at his eyes again before pulling his wrists away to blink rapidly to choke back the rest of those tears.

Then he reached for his glasses with dripping hands to slide his glasses back on. He then finished rinsing off Izuku's bowl then placing it into the dish rack beside him with the rest of the dishes. Turning the water off, he used the towel to dry his hands off when he let out a shuddering sigh when he heard the sudden quiet of the TV turning off. He glanced over his shoulder to find Hitoshi and Izuku scuttling across the hallway to the stairs. Thumping up them to no doubt get started on their bedtime routine.

They'd been amazingly good about getting to the bathroom to begin washing their faces or brush their teeth without him needing to tell them twice. He was surprised Izuku would be willing to give up TV time so soon after just starting it. He had taken off halfway through dinner under the guise of needing to use the bathroom. He'd not come back until he called him back mere moments ago to finish his dinner. The last thing that the green-haired boy needed was to be hungry when he went to bed.

It was odd, however, that they would run into the living room to presumably watch TV only to run upstairs mere seconds later. It was an odd choice that he couldn't quite wrap his head around, but he didn't want to question it. He didn't want to shout after his sons and question why they were running upstairs when their bedtime wasn't for another thirty minutes. His sons worked in strange ways and most of the time all he could do was ride along.

Was to follow along with them silently to figure out what it is that they would want in the moment. To see what they had to show him and what they wanted without them needing to tell him anything. And if this was what they were going to do then he wasn't going to question it. Instead, he finished drying off his hands before draping the towel over the handle of the stove door. Humming quietly to himself, he glanced over where Reese was sitting in the doorway of his small hallway.

She was a beautiful cat; a brown tuxedo cat with large gold eyes that seemed wide. Always looking for a threat of some kind. He shuffled over to the entrance of the front hallway where he caught the sound of his sons chattering together upstairs. The sound of running water when he began to walk down the hallway. So, he was right. They were either washing their faces off or they were brushing their teeth. Even if they came back down to watch TV, the least he could was get their pajamas out and help Izuku get into his.

The green-haired boy had been having some trouble getting himself dressed on account of his broken arm. He was doing his best to assist the six-year-old with getting dressed in the mornings and for bedtimes. To make it easier on him without letting the six-year-old struggle just to get dressed and undressed. It was all a matter of making Izuku comfortable as he can without making the boy feel like he was being babied due to said broken arm.

The last thing he wanted to do was leave Izuku feeling smothered but if they were craving his attention then was it really smothering? Was it really being overbearing if he helped them both with the smaller things in life? If he laid out their pajamas when they got out of the bathroom after brushing their teeth? He didn't think so. And besides, it's not like his sons didn't have a voice. If they didn't want him to do something, then they would tell him loud and clearly like he taught them too.

If they didn't like something, then they could say it and he'd never do it again. Tonight, he'd lay their pajamas out and if they complained then he'd work on not doing it as often for them. He reached out to touch the post of the banister to launch himself up the first few steps before jogging lightly up the stairs. He made his way down the short hallway when he passed the bathroom where his boys were indeed washing faces and brushing their teeth. A surprise when, given, he knew their bedtime wasn't for another thirty minutes.

He made their way into their bedroom where he made his way over to Hitoshi's dresser. He knew that they could pick out their own pajamas but tonight he wanted to pick them out. To help them get into them and tuck them into bed the way he had the other night when Hitoshi came to him with his scratchy throat and restless mind. Tugging out a pair of deep purple pajamas with kittens over it, he then shuffled across the room to Izuku's side. Tugging open the pajama drawer and grabbed a tank top with matching dinosaur bottoms.

He had done his best to buy pajama sets with tank tops to make getting into them easy for Izuku since he broke his arm. Humming quietly to himself as he laid them out on Izuku's bed, he shut the drawer with a gentle thud. He then walked over to Hitoshi's half of the room where he shut that drawer as well. Then he made quick work in peeling back comforters to get ready to tuck the boys in for bed. He made his way to the doorway of the bedroom where he listened to the sound of running water and humming from his sons.

The sounds of bristles dragging over teeth as they brushed ferociously but thoroughly as a six-year-old could. It had him smiling softly when he left the bedroom entrance of his boys room to pop his head into the bathroom doorway. Izuku spit out his mouthful of toothpaste and reaching for the small dispenser of disposable cups. Filling it up with water, he watched his son wash off his toothbrush and rinse his mouth out before tucking his toothbrush into the holder.

Turning to find him there with toothpaste smeared over his chin, the green-haired child grinned then leapt off his small stool. Rushing over to him, he happily ushered Izuku from the room with Hitoshi glancing over. Suds of toothpaste foaming around his mouth when he smiled with a nod. Assuring him he'd be next when he slid his hand over green curls before turning to make his way across the hall to the shared bedroom. Izuku rushed over to his bed before throwing his arms up quickly.

He couldn't help a burst of panic at when that cast arm wobbled above his head when he rushed over. Helping eases the shirt his son was wearing up and over his head while being mindful of his cast arm. Dropping the shirt to the floor, he picked up the tank top for Izuku which he bunched in his hands to slid over his head. Helped ease his cast arm through the hole. He tugged the shirt down playfully with a giggle leaving the six-year-old who turned with hands shoving his pants down quickly.

Stepping quickly into his pajama pants while he gave him space to get them on while looking away politely when Hitoshi came trotting into the room quickly. Toothpaste foam smeared around the right corner of his mouth and dripping down his chin. He winced when Hitoshi used the sleeve of his sweater to rub it away before reaching for the hem of it. Flipping it up with little provocation from him or mentioning of the pajamas on the bed. Hitoshi never had a problem with taking the initiative for something.

He smiled when he turned from the indigo haired child when Izuku lifted his arms up with an excited sound to which he grinned. He slid his hands beneath his arms to swing the boy off his feet who squealed delightedly when he then planted him on the bed. Bouncing beneath Izuku's weight when he was planted down when he then grabbed and flipped the comforter over the green-haired boy. Green curls fanning over the pillow and brushing at pink cheeks with a sparkle to those green eyes.

How delighted Izuku was with just a bit of his attention was mind-blowing. Absolutely sweet. Endearing. He tucked him in tightly then grabbed for the plushies he usually slept with that was stuffed into arms and held securely to his sides and chest. He leaned down with his hand smoothing those green curls from his forehead. He then pressed a kiss to it with his hand sliding down to affectionately rub his thumb over his cheek in that gentle rub over the freckled thing. An adoring gesture his mothers taught him.

Murmuring his love into his forehead, Izuku mumbled back a sweet "I love you too, Dad" that melted his heart. Had him struggling to keep his lips from trembling when he turned to find Hitoshi in his pajamas with his arms raised upwards. An excited sparkle to purple eyes as hands opened and closed with that silent plea. The request for him to be picked up too. It was an all too familiar sparkle with wild indigo locks brushing pink cheeks. He happily rushed over to slid his hands beneath arms and heave the indigo haired child up.

A squeal leaving said child when he swung him through the air then spun on his feet to plant him onto the bed with a bounce. He grabbed at the blankets to tug them over the indigo haired child who beamed up at him. He then dug his hands into the sides to make sure that Hitoshi was comfortably tucked in. Then he handed him his cat plushies which were squeezed to his chest. A sparkle of adoration to those eyes as they flicked over his face. Small hands clutching at his plushies.

He felt that knot in his throat welling up once more when he leaned down to smooth wild indigo locks away from his forehead before kissing it softly. He then lifted his hand up to gently stroke his cheek the same way he had with Izuku. Murmuring his love into his forehead, he got yet another quiet, sweet mumble echoing his brother's into his cheek when Hitoshi kissed it. Standing up right with a smile at the two boys laying cuddled up, he turned on his feet to pick up the shirts and pants that the boys had discarded.

He'd throw them in with his own. He made his way to the doorway where he looked back on his boys. Green curls rustling against the pillow and wild locks rubbing against it when Hitoshi squirmed slightly with wide pairs of purple and green eyes on him. Blowing kisses at the boys, he got warm smiles back from both when he flicked the light off then grabbed the door handle. Stepping out into the hallway, he tugged the door shut behind when he took a deep breath once it was clicked into place.

Letting out on a shuddering exhale, he made his way to the bathroom to make sure toothbrushes were rinsed and put up correctly before flicking the light off then making his way down the softly lit hallway. Making his way to the top of the stairs, he grabbed the railings then made quick work down them with the balls of his feet thudding on the stairs. He swallowed around that knot of emotion in his throat. It had him squeezing the railings in his grasp when he got to the bottom with a light leap.

He made sure the door was locked when he then walked into the living room to turn the lights off along with the TV putting its murmuring to an end. Checking on the windows in there, he turned the lamps off. Plunging the room into darkness when he took another shaky breath as he made his way out of the living room to the kitchen. After making sure the back door and windows were locked, he turned the lights off before making his way to his bedroom. The thuds of his feet were deafening in the quiet of his home.

Muted thuds on the floors like stomps in the darkness as he made his way down the small hallway of his. He held the bunched up clothing to his side while trailing his fingers over the wall of his hallway. Humming at the soft golden light spilling over the carpeted floor when he let out a slow breath. Approaching his doors, he pushed them open to find all four cats sleeping on his bed. He smiled softly as he made his way into the room then shut the doors with light thuds hitting off one another.

Then he turned on his feet to walk towards his bed. Balling the clothing up in his hands before throwing them towards the half-filled hamper of his. Getting them into the hamper, he then let out a trembling breath when he tugged his glasses off of his face as he walked along the side of his bed. Placing his glasses down on top of his phone, he sat on the edge of the bed when his lip trembled. Fuck. He reached up to rub at his rather dry eyes fiercely, but he could feel the prick that had attacked his eyes in the kitchen.

He didn't want to cry but God his chest felt heavy. What kind of father had he been as of late? Negligent? Absent? He didn't want to be either of those but God the way they looked at him when he promised to play with them had cracked his heart. Had made him feel guilty in the worst way possible. He didn't think his sons had gotten so wary about asking him to play but it broke his heart. It crushed him horribly when he looked at the painful hope on their little faces.

How delighted they were when he put them to bed and the love he saw in their gazes when he expressed his own love seconds ago. He didn't want his boys to grow up thinking that he was too busy for them. They were growing like weeds with teeth falling out one after another with adult teeth coming in. And he'd failed to notice. He'd failed to realize that his boys were growing up beneath his nose, but he was drowning under his work. It had him choked up.

He pressed his fingers fervently into his eyes as he fought back the tears that threatened to choke him up. He rubbed at his eyes then let out a trembling breath into his palms. He needed to be better. He wants to be better for his sons. Even if it meant freezing his fingers off, he was going to play with his sons in the snow that was only now beginning to pile up. Two feet would be coming in tonight and he'd be damned if he didn't play with his sons in the snow like he wants too.

Like they want to. He didn't realize taking on this substituting job that he balanced precariously with his radio show on Fridays and his bookstore on the weekends would eat up so much of his time. That would leave him little time to do what he wanted with his life let alone visit his mothers. Play with Hitoshi and Izuku. He didn't think he was slacking in the fatherly department but clearly, he was. They were just shy of two weeks in to December but God if he didn't feel like absolute shit. Like he had failed his sons somehow.

He'd taken the substituting job not only to see how that part of his life would live it out but to also to bring in the extra money for them. Something that would help them float along better than they already were. He didn't want anything more than to be a good father. A good provider for his sons so they wouldn't want anything. He didn't want them to want for anything or need for anything. He wants nothing more than to make sure that the rest of their childhood was a happy one for God knows how their teen years would look.

He wants to cherish having his sons close to him while he has the chance to do so before they inevitably push him away. It had him breathing shakily into his palms with his palms pushing against his cheeks while his fingers dug into his eyes. There was no point in crying over it, was there? But the pads of his fingers were wet. Slipping over his lashes when he rubbed the pads of them into his eyes with that knot of emotion threatening to choke him up.

God, he'd been so wrapped up in work and his infatuation with Shouta that he hardly had time to think about his store. About his sons. About how they must need him and how they wanted to play with him only to find their father busy. That's not what he wanted. Not what he wanted at all. They deserved to have their shared time together. Taking a shuddering breath that he then let out sharply, he rubbed his fingers against his eyes before using the sides of his hands.

Rubbing the tears away, he shifted backwards to crawl onto the bed where Reese vocalized her displeasure before jumping off the bed. Cappella merely stretched out when he reached for her. Tugging her to his chest where she purred in a burst with her small face rubbing into his wet fingers. He didn't want to be neglectful. He didn't want to be an absentee father. He'd make time for the boys again. He'd go outside until his damn fingers fell off if that made his sons happy.

He'd stand out there until he feared one or all would get frost bite. He'd play with them until they were drooping on the couch and begging for dinner. He wants to be a good father. That's all he's ever wanted to be to Hitoshi and now Izuku. And if this adoption on Izuku was to go through then he needed to learn to balance. He needed nothing more than to be a present father while also bringing in money for the three of them. He needed to balance the time he spent on his work and how much of his workload he wanted to take on.

Needed to balance the time with his sons better. It was only three more weeks he'd be working for the school and after that he'd be back to his singular two jobs. His Friday nights and days spent at the store when he deemed fit. According to Taishiro, the place was hopping with customers during the work week and it had him putting in more orders for specific book loads to come in. He was excited. Happy that his store was doing so well but he wasn't there to see it.

He wasn't there to relish in the sudden booming business the way that Oboro and Nemuri had to be relishing in as well. All he wanted was to go back to the life he had before he'd taken on this teaching job at the school. A place that, if not for Yagi, Thirteen and Snipe, he'd fear was out of place. Unwanted. The other teachers were warm but distant. Willing to help him slightly but never quite talking with him or interacting with him. It was a job that he regretted taking.

One that he thought of turning in his time in for before the last few weeks could even unfurl for them. He wants nothing more than to throw in the towel so he can had his free time back but he was determined to see out this temporary job of his to the end. Winter vacation was in two weeks' time. Christmas break. He just had to make it until then. And in the meantime, he'd have to go present shopping for the boys and get to wrapping beforehand then hide the presents where the boys couldn't find them.

Anything to give them the illusion Santa was real for a bit longer. One year more. He wanted nothing more than to make this holiday special for them and he was going to do his best for his sons to make them happy. That was all he could do at the end of the day, wasn't it? To make sure that Hitoshi and Izuku were happy with him. That they wanted to be with him and that they wanted to see this through to the new year. He knew the custody over Izuku was going to take a while to work out but once he was adopted?

Once he was his? He was going to celebrate. He was going to throw a party and scream at the top of his lungs that that precious boy was his. He wants Izuku to be able to say he was happy with that big, sweet smile of his. He wants Hitoshi to be able to say freely that he was happy with him and his brother. That he was happy in general. That's all he wants; for his boys to be able to look him in the eyes with that delight they'd had months ago. To have them express their delight and their happiness to him once more.

He didn't want them to feel that they couldn't come up to him and ask to play. That they had to wait on the back burner just to have his attention when that was the farthest thing from reality. His sons took first priority. Himself came second. But he needed to be prepared if he were to ever take another substituting job. Tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that, he was going to dedicate himself to loving his sons. To showing them that he cared. That they were important to him. He didn't want to miss anything more.

He didn't want to miss another inch whether that was in height or their hair. He didn't want to miss another lost tooth or the permanent tooth that came after that. He didn't want his sons to feel like this. Sighing out to himself, he squeezed Cappella to his chest as he stared at the blurry sight of his room. Of his TV sitting on the dresser. He wants nothing more than to reassure his sons of his adoration and love. That he wants to spend time with them for he did.

He'd been letting himself get caught up in Shouta, in his feelings, in his paperwork for the store and the grading he had to get done that he'd been slacking. Fuck, it hurt to admit but he hadn't been there for his sons who felt hesitant about asking for his time. He wanted to know about every little change they went through whether it was embarrassing or not. They were six but soon enough, in the blink of an eye, they'd be sixteen and wanted nothing to do with him.

They'd become angsty teenagers who didn't want their dad fawning over them and they wouldn't want him around. They'd be wanting their own space and hardly have time for him in return. He wanted to cherish the time he had now with his sons and raise them to be good boys. He wanted them to know how much he loves and adores them. How it will never change. He'd fucked up taking this substituting job, but he only had three weeks left. Plenty of snow was on the ground and there'd be more added to it eventually.

He's more than sure that once it was over that his time would be evenly split again, and he'd be able to focus on the new year. On the oncoming moments that would be given to him with his sons. With Shouta. With Nemuri and Oboro. He couldn't wait to see the new year but until then he just had to make it through his shifts at work. He had to get his head on straight. He needed to be a good father. And starting tomorrow, he will be. He'll be more involved in whatever it is that his sons were doing.

He'd give what they needed from him, he'd give without a second thought. He'd been slacking and he needed to make up for that. He needed his sons to know that he didn't mean to be so absent as of late, but he was going to make it up to them. The cat in his arms let out a meow before squirming in his hold to which he let her go. She stood up, stretched before then padding to the edge of the bed then jumping off. Sighing out to himself, he rolled onto his back with wet lashes fluttering down to rest on his warm cheeks.

What was he doing with himself? How was he doing this? He felt like he was fucking this up. He felt like he was being an awful father and an awful friend. When was the last time he talked to Nemuri about something outside of Shouta? When was the last time he and Oboro had a drink together? When was the last time he had lunch in the breakroom with Taishiro? When was the last time he hung out with Shouta without overthinking it? He sighed out with his lashes trembling on his cheeks. He was being a bad friend.

A bad father. He didn't care what the outside world may say, he knew he was doing badly. He wasn't the stellar father he'd been months ago, and he was drowning in his regret. After all, Hitoshi and Izuku would only be six-years-old once. There would be no rewinding time or replaying all of this over again. He knew that much with how fast Hitoshi aged out of his toddler years leaving him melancholic. Children could grow in the blink of an eye, and he knew that all too well.

Taking a slow, deep breath that had his chest expanding upwards slightly, he let his lungs fill. Sucking in, in, in. Counting one, two, three, four, five, six. And then letting it out in a slow, even rush with his brows squeezing together. Seven, eight, nine, ten. He took another slow deep breath letting his lungs fill up with air before letting it out again to that same count. He had to correct his behavior. He knows that it was his fault. He knew he asked for this work to be put on him.

He knew that he was busy with the amount of grading that he had to get done on his own. He should've known better so he could accurately plan out a damn schedule. After all, how many times had Shouta come to him complaining about his workload? About how many papers would need grading? He knew that going into this his schedule would be stretched tight. He just never envisioned possibly being a horrible task manager. In the fact his kids worried that they were bothering him when, in reality, they weren't.

They really, truly weren't bothering him in the slightest bit. In fact, he misses them. He misses his sons with such fervor it ached in his chest. He knew they were only upstairs. He knew they were tucked into bed. But he misses them. The fervent look to Hitoshi's purple eyes when he professed that they missed him? It was almost enough to break his heart again. All because he was worried about some damn crush he had on a grown man. All because he was wrapped up in his own head.

Too busy with his paperwork to spend time with his boys who missed him. It had his chest aching when he rolled over with his hair rustling over the blanket. His eyes felt sore; he hadn't properly cried once tonight but his eyes itched and felt puffy regardless. He reached up to scrub his eyes fervently before sitting up. He needed to spend more time with his boys. He needs to be a better, more involved father. Regardless of if he had grading to do. If he had themes to plan out for the store.

Time with his sons was something precious, something he couldn't forsake. And if anything, he'd make that time around his schedule. He'd make the time to love on his sons the best way that he could by playing outside with them. He'd do whatever it was that he had to do to be a good father. He didn't want to miss anything any longer. He knew that time was ruthless to all and it didn't pause for anyone. For anything. Today just showed him that his sons were growing faster than he could comprehend.

And he wants nothing more than to give his sons the attention they were so clearly seeking after from him. The last thing he wanted was to let his boys think that they weren't worthy of his attention. Of his time. For they were always worthy of his love and attention. There was nothing they could do that would make them less than worthy. However, how were they to know that? Especially when he was so busy lately that he was drooping over the table at dinner time?

When was he hitting the bed without taking his hearing aids out after getting them into bed? There was no way that they could possibly know that. They were only children. And he needed to show that he was still right here. That he still wanted to hear about their day in school. To hear what they were thinking on the bus or when they were losing their teeth. How could his children ever know he wanted to hear this when he was so exhausted most days, he can hardly keep his head up?

He can hardly keep himself standing on his feet to make dinner? How could they know when they were too engaged in their own childhood issues of looking for crayons? In the small dioramas that needed to be made. Fun projects at hand that they worried about along with the changing dynamics among friends. They had their own lives so how could they know? He sighed out with his hands coming up to press against his eyes lightly with his lashes fluttering against his cheeks. He wasn't being a good father.

End of story. He needed more time with his boys. And he meant it when he promised that tomorrow they'd be going outside to play. That they were going to get decorations for the Christmas tree they'd be picking out in two weeks' time. Decoration for the house. Stockings hung around the doorways. He was going to let the boys help him decorate the store as well with Taishiro's help. He was going to do everything and more that he should be doing with his sons.

Sighing out to himself slowly, his lashes fluttered on his cheeks. Against the backs of his hands. He squirmed slightly in his spot when the rustle of the blanket beneath him had him sliding his hands from over his eyes to his forehead as he forced his lashes up. He might as well get in his pajamas as well, shouldn't he? He groaned but forced himself upwards where he listened to the howling wind outside. The snow that struck his window and the wind that ripped at the screen causing it to rattle in the window.

He reached out for his glasses which he slid up into place before pushing himself up onto his feet. Reaching down, he grabbed the hem of his turtleneck that he'd worn today and flipped it up over his stomach to his chest. He then worked the sweater up to his throat where he curled his fingers into it to ease it carefully over his head. Doing his best to keep from dislodging his hearing aids or his glasses, he got his turtle neck up then turned. Throwing it in the direction of the hamper as he fixed his glasses.

It hung halfway over the edge of the hamper which he frowned at before walking along the side of his bed. Fingers skimming over his comforter, he made his way to the dresser where he tugged open the second drawer to grab a tank top. A rich blue with silky pans to go with it, he snapped the drawers shut when he sighed out. Tossing the pants onto the bed, he slid the soft top up over his head and his arms shoved into the holes with straps sliding over his shoulders. It was an oldie, but he adored his tank top.

It was part of a set that his mothers had bought for him a long time ago but remained a comfortable one. Fussing with the end of his tank top, he slid his hands along his boxers before shuffling over to the bed to pick up the pants. He'd already taken his packer off when he returned home thankfully rendering him to worry about one less thing. He sighed out softly to himself when he stepped into his pants carefully before tugging them up to his hips. He then shifted up to tug his hair down from the bun he'd thrown it in.

He then padded over to his bed where his phone chimed at him. Glancing over it to find a text from Nemuri asking to come over at some point. He was more than happy to pick his phone up to unlock it and he tapped on the notification. Opening his keyboard up, he sent a reply back to Nemuri confirming he wanted her over. Not tomorrow but another time which she readily agreed too. After wishing her a goodnight under the guise of going to bed early, the woman playfully teased him over text about it.

Shooting back at her, he then turned his phone screen off before turning to his bed. Tugging the blankets back, he sighed out to himself. He knew he didn't need to go to bed late or anything of the sort. Not when he was finally caught up with his grading today. Doing his work throughout the work day was proving to be a damn good idea. It had him flying through his work when he was merely giving assignments for students to work on during their class period.

Tomorrow he was going to use his energy spending time with Hitoshi and Izuku. Being a father was no easy task, but it was one he agreed to when he adopted Hitoshi. It was one he agreed too when taking in Izuku and now with his looming adoption. The custody case he would have to plead out in his favor. He needed to be the best father that he possibly can be. Did that mean no more mooning over Shouta? Possibly. Did it mean that he had to give up his crush? No.

But he didn't need to spend so much time thinking about Shouta. When did it stop being fleeting thoughts and an unhealthy run around he gave himself? He sighed out when he let himself fall back onto the bed with the mattress bouncing beneath him. He twisted his fingers into the pillow case and the others into the blanket when two heads rose with Twix and Sterling staring at him. Light blue eyes and copper eyes narrowing at him briefly before heads rested back down onto paws. What did he do about Shouta?

The man had all but admitted that he didn't know how he felt about him. He had said it that afternoon in his office. Did that mean this would end up one sided? Had he been assuming wrong? Did Taishiro speculate wrongly? What if the black-haired man didn't have a crush on him? What if the black-haired man merely thought of him as a friend that he was growing closer too? Was there a reason behind this odd tension that seemed to do nothing but grow each time they met with one another?

What did he do about the tension that ran under his skin leaving him tense? Leaving him wondering when the next touch would come from the black-haired man. When he'd get the chance to throw his arms around those broad shoulders that begged for him to touch. When he'd get the chance to touch that stubble covered cheek and caress it. When he'd get to feel the rough touch of that stubble beneath his fingers. Imagining the moment from that afternoon again and again when those lips had parted.

How his fingers had itched to trace out their shape. To see if they were as chapped as they looked or if they would be soft somehow. Imagining what those curls would feel like twisted around his fingers. What it would be like to hold himself close to the black-haired man. Would he be held just as tightly? Would he be squeezed just as close as he would squeeze himself to Shouta? Would he be held with a passionate embrace? Would hands slide along his back when lips came down on his?

Would Shouta kiss him with that passion that flared between them? The unspoken tension that did nothing but twist itself tighter in his chest? Would he be able to satisfy the tension crackling over his skin soon enough? Would he be allowed to touch the black-haired man like he was imagining he could? What would it be like to hear that deep voice sighing out his name? To hear Shouta shouting so damn loud would the whole neighborhood hear them?

What would it be like to have hands gripping at him so tight only to want him to hold him tighter? To be held so fiercely it felt like that desire went both ways? That the feelings he was harboring were going both ways? It was agony to imagine it. To imagine what that skin would feel like brushing against his. Those wide hands touching him beneath his clothing. To have them twisted into his hair only to yank and pull on it the way he hoped they would. Oh, he'd give anything just to feel Shouta's hands on him.

It would be amazing. Sighing out through his nose, he slid his hands up to twist into his hair to tug sharply. Was this crush spiraling out of control? He hoped not. He didn't know what he'd do with himself if his crush made itself blatantly clear. But hadn't he done that that afternoon? Shouta wasn't blind. Surely the black-haired man knew when someone was interested in him, didn't he? Or was the black-haired man clueless about it? Was it possible that Shouta was blind about the fact he had feelings?

After all, why would he continue to come over and hang out with him? Why would he continue coming by? He wants answers. So badly does he want those answers, but he knew he needed to take this one step at a time. He needed to take things one step at a time. They'd had their talk about distancing at work. About Halloween night. He needed to breathe while Shouta gathered whatever thoughts he might have, whatever they may be. It was just a matter of letting the black-haired man think.

And if Shouta decided he didn't share those feelings, then he would accept it. He would take it regardless of how Shouta felt for him. Tugging sharply at his hair again, he found a yawn bubbling up his throat and bursting out of him when he shifted. Sliding his hands from his hair to push himself upwards. His hair falling down against his back with a comforting weight to it when he reached up to touch his hearing aids. Switching them off, he tugged them out of his ears when he then slid them into their case.

He then lifted his hands up to tug his glasses off of his face then tucking them into the glasses case. Standing up, he made his way to his bedroom doors to make sure they were properly closed before flicking the lights off. Glancing to the window, he watched the screen rattle inside of it. It was odd thing; to know the sound it would make as it rattled and tapped against the window only to hear nothing. Not a damn thing. It was a heavy silence that had his shoulders relaxing.

The tense set to his back relaxing ever so slightly when he reached down to fuss with the hem of his tank top before making his way through the darkness to the bed. His knees hit the edge and had him wobbling forward before he tugged the blankets back further. It may be early but God if he wasn't exhausted today. He'd done more than enough work today and he wanted nothing more than to rest. Even if it was turning the lights off, his hearing aids off, and laying in the darkness of his bedroom for a bit before crashing.

He slid under the blankets that he tugged up and around him in a cocoon. Swaddling himself in the blankets with his face nuzzling itself into his pillow. His hair bunching annoyingly beneath his neck. He let that yawn bubble up his throat and burst out of him silently. He didn't know what he was going to do about the Shouta situation but there was one thing that he was certain about. And it was that he was going to be a good father. He was going to change what he was doing right now, and he was going to make it better.

If it's the last thing he does, he was going to make those boys feel loved. Worthy of his time. He didn't want to miss another inch. Another tooth. Another milestone that six-year-old's often hit. He didn't want to miss another inch gained on his sons. He didn't want them to grow up under his nose and him not noticing a damn thing about it. These were his sons. These were the boys that he wanted to raise into proper gentlemen. Boys that he wanted raise into confident, open young men.

He couldn't do that if he was so busy he didn't know up from down by the end of the day. If he was damn near drooping over his plate of food with both boys trying desperately to keep him awake. There was nothing that made him feel more guilty than when small hands patted at his hands to wake him up. To get him to focus long enough to eat before getting all of them into bed. Early nights were becoming more of a phenomenon, and he hated that he went to bed early, but he couldn't control how tired he was.

All he could do was try to catch up on his sleep when he hit the bed and be sure that he got an adequate amount of it. But he felt so horrible for having pushed his kids to the back burner without intending to. He'd forsaken playing for getting work done. And while work was important, something he needed to get done, he found that he needed that fun. He needed to have fun with his sons the best that he could, and he wanted to. After today, he was ridden with guilt over the sheer reality of his life.

That he hadn't been spending as much time with his sons. It was killing him. When did he become a father who overworked himself and pushed his kids to the back burner? It was an upsetting thing, but he knew that he needed to work through it. He needed to be there for his boys the best ways that he could be. It would all change one day. He knew it would. And until then, he wanted to relish in small hands that reached for him with sparkles in those wide eyes. He wants to relish having small, thin arms around his waist.

His hands coaxing over wild locks and green curls. He needed to make much more time for his children. Needs to work on balancing out his schedule better. A breath left him, one that he was certain was a sigh. A low, quiet sigh into the pillow when he opened his eyes to find Cappella curling around his head with purrs rumbling over the top of his head. Comforting him. How in the world did Shouta make this look so effortless? How did he slave away at one job then make time for his daughter at home?

It made him feel awful. Here he was, three jobs, and his kids were suffering. Aching for his time and attention to the point they made him swear to play with them tomorrow. God, what was he doing? That old temptation to quit rushed over him. Taking on the job was a bad choice. It was an awful choice, that much he could see now in hindsight. He let out another sigh with his face pressing into the pillow. His fingers plucking at his comforter he shifted his head up then opened his eyes to stare into the darkness of his room.

To the window where he watched the screen rattle against the glass window. Silent. The world around him would never be quieter than when he took his hearing aids out. It was a relief, honestly, having them out. To simply exist as he stared at his window with the trembling screen within it. Sighing out to himself, he squirmed slightly to get himself comfortable. Tomorrow he'd talk to Shouta to help him with grading if he was willing to do so. That he could bring his own work over if he needed to get it done.

Anything to make sure he had time to get it all done so he could focus on his sons again. God, they were growing up so fast he didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't know how to feel about his sons that were growing rapidly like flowers. Ready to bloom any moment. It had him frowning with his fingers twisting into the blanket. He rubbed his cheek against the pillow before shutting his eye. He didn't know how he was going to balance this for the next three weeks but he was going to figure it out.

The weather had kept them from play dates but surely if he reached out then the mom group would be willing to throw something, wouldn't they? The children only saw one another at the school building given a few from the group attending the same school. He just needed to make sure that he gave his kids the enrichment of being with their friends. Of having fun with children their age. Surely, they'd get tired of him before long, but he wanted to figure this out.

He thought he'd had it figured out before he took the job, but reality was different. Much, much different. Izuku and Hitoshi needed his attention. They needed his time.

His affection and love. He needed to show them that he still adored and cared for them as fervently as he had this whole time. He wanted to spend all day with them tomorrow, but the afternoon was more than likely going to be their open door to spending time together. There was nothing he wanted to do other than to spend time with the boys. And if that meant going shopping then decorating the house and playing in the snow then so be it.

He was going to be a damn good father again and he was going to make more time to spend with them. His sons need him, and he needs to be there for them. He can't continue on with this robotic schedule of coming home, grading until he was exhausted, then sending them all to bed early. Tonight, the boys decided to go to bed early for whatever reason, but he appreciated it. He wanted nothing more than to catch up on his sleep. To catch up with his children.

He felt horrified that he'd been focusing on one thing while letting the other slip through the cracks. Something that left him struggling to balancing it all awkwardly. Like he was standing on stilts trying to balance spinning plates on the tips of all his fingers. Finding his rhythm brief only to find himself wobbling with plates wavering and threatening to drop. To break on the floor. He didn't understand how one moment he felt confident that he was balancing everything but in the next breath be proven wrong.

To that, for some reason, he was going to fail at something. A task, a duty, would slip and break through his fingers before he could stop it. He needed to find a better balance, that much he knew, and he found himself struggling to find it now. One day of play wasn't going to make up for the handful of weeks he'd been slacking. Of drooping over the table and trying to stay awake in vain before they all went to bed. He just had to figure himself out. He had to make time for his sons who were all but begging for him to keep his promise.

All but pleading with him to make time for them. It had his chest aching at the thought that they felt the need to even question if he had time for them. His chest ached now as his knees drew up slightly towards his stomach with his face pressing into the pillow. God, those wide green and purple eyes hurt him. They had him aching horribly to see the tentative hope shimmering in their eyes. They shouldn't have to beg. Shouldn't have to plead so desperately or make him swear to his promises. They shouldn't have to do that.

Not at all. He felt awful for he'd spent so much time trying to figure out if there was anything between himself and Shouta. In trying to get his work done and ready to pass back to his class. On catching up on those late nights of sleep. He'd been neglecting not only himself but the fun his children wanted from him. The time they wanted to spend with him. He felt absolutely gut wrenched that his sons felt even slightly that they had to keep their feelings to themselves.

Especially when he worked so hard to make sure that they knew they could come to him for anything. A low sound rumbled in his throat when he rolled onto his back with his feet stretching out. Nudging a cat that then disappeared; no doubt leapt off of the bed. He slid his hands up to push his hair away from his forehead. Trying to shut his mind off was proving to be hard. Very hard. Especially when the guilt, the regret, were stinging him like a swarm of hornets.

The same thoughts attacking him again and again on relentless repeat. As if there was a reason for him feeling like shit and he knew there was. He was feeling awful that his boys felt they had to keep their emotions boxed away. That they felt they couldn't talk to them. Tomorrow he would reinforce that they could come to him about anything. He was going to reinforce the healthy bonds they have, and he was going to ensure that they felt heard. That he was right there willing to listen to their problems.

At least, whatever problem a pair of six-year-old's could have. He wants to be a better father. He wants to have fun with his children who without a doubt felt the same way. He wants to spend time with them anew and give them the open space to say what they wish. There was nothing that hurt him more than knowing that his sons felt quiet. Unheard. They may only be six-years-old but they had feelings too. Children would always have the same emotions as adults. There's nothing more important than making sure a child is heard.

That a child knows they have a trusted adult to run too. That they could come to him, their father, about anything. And if that was reinforced then he was sure he could make his sons happy again. If anything, he could bring them to the store to help decorate it as well for the winter month. He'd do whatever he had to make sure that Hitoshi and Izuku felt happy again. Felt that connection between them once more. There's nothing more important to him than knowing his sons were happy. That they were overjoyed to be home.

Especially where Izuku's arm was broken, there was more of a need to help the green-haired boy. To make sure that he was okay. And Hitoshi, who always kept his emotions to himself, took a bit of time to work out of him. He wants to dedicate the time to spending more time with his sons. Three more weeks. He'd promised his sons three more weeks and then they'd be back to normal. It felt like an eternity stretched out before him. Soon enough he wouldn't get to see and hear Shouta all day long.

Soon enough he'd be only texting Thirteen, Snipe and Yagi if they wanted to remain in contact, that is. And soon enough he'd be back to manning his store intermittently with rotations passing between himself and his workers. Soon enough he'd be dedicating his time to his sons once more. They would take the front seat regardless of if he worked at the school or not. He wants them to feel loved. He wants them to feel that adoration. He wants them to know that, despite being busier than usual, that he adores his sons.

That they were special to him. That they took precedent over most things in his life. He was a father first and a friend second. A man thirdly. He sighed out then with his chest aching as he stared up at the dark ceiling over head with Cappella purring away with purrs rumbling over the top of his head. He reached up to scratch blindly at the calico above him blindly which had purrs coming harder. He just needed to find a good balance. He needed to let his sons feel heard. Let them feel heard and seen.

He wants nothing more than to make sure they were okay. That they would be okay. He supposed this was somewhat of a learning curve if he ever wanted to do a substituting job again. There would be time to strengthen their bonds again, but he truly felt horrible that he let them get so slack without intending too. Pressing his palms to his forehead, he stared up blankly at the ceiling above him. His children were sleeping in their bedrooms. Their tentative hope really pulled at his chest with the intent on crushing his heart.

It was the one outcome he'd always been fearful of. There was nothing he wanted more than to let them be happy once more. To show them that they didn't need that tentativeness with him. That he would make good on his word that they would be playing. He knew that actions spoke louder than words. And his actions lately had been speaking of prioritizing his work. He needed to correct that the best he could going forward. He needs his sons to know that he loves them deeply. Truly.

It had him squirming slightly with that burn to his eyes when he ground the heels of his hands into his eyes. Rolling over once more with a shuddering sigh as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly to fight those tears. It was only a little longer. Just a little longer. Three weeks would fly by in the blink of an eye, wouldn't it? It had too. He could do this. He could find his balance if he gave himself the time to sit down and figure it all out. Then maybe it wouldn't feel like he had multiple stacks of plates dancing on his fingertips.

All waiting to crash. Maybe it wouldn't feel like he was wobbling on stilts that were threatening to knock him down. It was all about finding his footing; about learning this new curve in his life. Something that would leave them all with the knowledge on how a situation like this would play out. He wished he'd done things differently. Wished he'd chosen to do something differently. He didn't know how to fix this, but God knows that he wants nothing more than to have made different choices.

Wished that he was no longer tired and that he had more time in the day for his boys. He had to make it, he knew he did, and yet he found himself regretting taking on this substituting job. But he had three more weeks to do this and wrap things up. Just three short weeks. He could do it. And he could make more time in the day for himself and his boys. It's all he wants; to be a good father who can make time with his boys. If other single parents could do it then surely, he could, couldn't he?

And he could bring them to visit with their friends. God, when was the last time he talked with the women in the group chat? When was the last time he had time to talk to them? When was the last time he talked to Mitsuki Bakugo? Rei Todoroki? When did he talk with them last? He'd been planning to come out to them in recent times, but he couldn't remember the last time. And that ripped at his chest. Was he neglecting his social life again? Yes.

He couldn't remember the last honest to God talk he had with Nemuri and Oboro. With Taishiro. He had to start establishing his social life again. Even if it was to invite Mitsuki or Rei to come over and visit with their boys. To allow Hitoshi, Izuku, Katsuki and Shouto to play together. He was sure he could wing something with that idea. It was all about texting them first thing in the morning when he had the time too. He'd love nothing more than to sit in his dining room and gossip with his friends the way he used to.

The way he indulged in the gossiping ways of mothers was always a fun time. But he'd been neglecting himself in favor of keeping up with his grading. In keeping up with the other teachers around him. To keep from falling behind or falling off the curve with his grading. It left him feeling somewhat saddened that he prioritized his job rather than focusing on his family. On his social life. He'd done this all wrong. He'd made the wrong choices. It was something that he needs to deal with.

Especially if he got another chance at substituting for another school in the district. He was gaining the experience needed to see the bad choices that he'd unintentionally made. It was a learning curve that he could do no more than ride the waves of. He didn't want to seem like a neglectful father who was always busy. After all, he was the boys only parent. He was a single father and the reality of being one was making itself all too clear. His sons need him. They had to be wanting his attention. Craving it.

It was simply how children were. And yet the boys seemed to cling to one another while trying to keep from making him feel bad. He appreciated their attempts to seem happy, but he knew they weren't. He absolutely knew they weren't happy and tonight all but sealed that knowledge into him. He hadn't thought his sons would content themselves with this reality, but he was going to change that. Starting tomorrow, he was going to be a more present father.

He was going to be the father he'd been before he took this job and rectify the past two months of his extra work. He was going to do his best to make sure that his sons were genuinely happy. He was going to throw his all into making them feel seen and heard tomorrow. He was going to be the best father he could be to both of his sons who were so clearly in need of his attention. So clearly looking for his affection. His time. And he was going to give it to them tomorrow.

When he got home from work, he was going to leave his things in the bedroom. He was going to take Izuku and Hitoshi to the store. They were going to look at Christmas lights and decorations for both home and the store. Then together the three of them would decorate the house. They'd decorate his store. He was going to make tomorrow the best day possible for his sons. And while he was thinking on it, he was going to contact Rei and Mitsuki about having the boys come together over his place.

He was going to go to Nemuri and Oboro's for a dinner night if they so desired and have a few drinks with the couple. He was going to start taking steps to see his friends outside of work. He was going to make sure that he had fun again. And he was going to make sure that his sons didn't feel the need to take the routine they had now. He was going to play with them until he was breathless in the snow. Until he was red faced and his fingers ached from the cold. He was going to give them the memories that they deserved to have.

That all children deserved to have in the winter months. And given how much snow they had coming in tonight and tomorrow? Well, there was certainly going to be plenty of time to play in the snow. To shovel and dunk them in the snowbanks. To listen to the shrieks of laughter from himself and his sons echoing in the snowy air. He was going to do his best to make up for the routine they had that left him little more than a robot. A zombie. Just because he had taken on a substituting job didn't mean that he couldn't have fun.

The problem was he wasn't letting himself have any damn fun. He was so focused on staying caught up with his coworkers that he was forsaking all fun that he could be having. It was like he was back in high school. Back when he'd been so focused on crushing his homework only to be called down for dinner. Forsaking the fun his siblings tried to involve him in. He was always doing something that kept him away until his mothers all but dragged him out of his room.

Forced him to see the world around him running past him until he was balancing himself out. That is what he was doing to himself. Again. He needs to balance himself out and get on a different routine than the one he was on. He couldn't let himself or his boys suffer because he was busy with his grading. If anything, he knew he could ask Shouta for help and the black-haired man would give it. He'd have to talk to him about doing that. About getting that done.

Sighing out again, a paw pressed to his forehead to which he reached up to scratch at Cappella blindly. Running his fingers through her fur gently, he forced his mind to relax. Forcing his body to relax. He would worry about all of this tomorrow. Tomorrow when the sun rose, he would go over this and more when he had much more time to contemplate. He just needed to rest. After all, this wouldn't be going on much longer, thankfully. Three more weeks. Just three more damned weeks.