Chapter 13. At the edge of the world

A/N: My professor would not happy to learn about what I'm doing with my time, but wheeeeeeee YOLO XP
Standard disclaimers apply


The winds clawed at me as I pushed toward the edge of the land. I was at Cape Soya today—my final stoop before beginning the long, quiet journey back to Tokyo tomorrow.

It had snowed nonstop for days, but today, the sky had finally cleared, as if the weather itself had decided to offer a truce. Golden sunlight spilled over the landscape, setting the snow-covered earth aglow.

"A perfect day to see the monuments," my innkeeper had told me that morning.

But I didn't come for the monuments.

I sat down on a bench overlooking the sea. The waves, a deep, grayish blue, crashed into each other—restless and turbulent—much like my thoughts.

The innkeeper had called Cape Soya a popular tourist destination, but with the recent snowstorms and the lack of any holiday or festival, it was hard to imagine crowds here. The location felt more like the edge of the world, which suited me just fine.

I wondered what it would look like in summer. Would the ocean still churn angrily like this, or would it shimmer gently, sunlight dancing on its surface—

Like his eyes, I thought, before I could stop myself.

Even during daytime now, ne?

Ever since I left Hakodate, I've been dreaming of Soujirou. In my dreams, we continued our lives in Hakodate, undisturbed by reality. We'd walk to the grocery market together, watch the fireworks down by the plaza, and I'd sneak into his room during the middle of the night. We'd spend the night talking about silly nothings, yet every word would feel like the new, greatest discovery of mankind. And we'd fall asleep—his arms around me and our pajamas sleeves tangled together.

But I always woke up. To a world that I had to face alone. A road with no return. And an empty space in my heart.

Today was no different.

The beautiful blue sky, the sweet smell of yakiimo drifting from street vendors, and the warmth of the tea I held in my hand—all mockeries of something I once had.

Even the kanji for Cape Soya, one of them matched a character in Soujirou's name. I ran to the edge of the world to escape him, but he found a way to be with me.

I clenched my tea cup tighter.

I was still in love with him and that infuriated me.

How could I love someone whose family destroyed mine?

Shouldn't I have enough dignity to let him go?

I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't.

And that made everything worse.

I took an angry sip of tea, scowling down at the rippling green surface.

A figure moved in my peripheral vision.

I turned in disbelief.

And now I'm hallucinating him in broad daylight too. Amazing.

I squinted at the vision of Soujirou approaching me and my breath caught.

No. It couldn't be.

But it was.

"Hi," he said softly, stopping in front of me.

The faint scent of his cologne—like a rainy spring afternoon—the way his hair curled slightly at the ends, the familiar timbre of his voice… everything about him told me he was real.

What was he doing here?

How did he find me?

And why… why wasn't I already turning away?

A thousand thoughts raced through my mind as he sat down beside me.

Up close, I could see the exhaustion written all over him—the dark circles under his eyes and the wrinkles in his coat.

Soujirou kept his gaze on the water, like if he looked at me too long, I might vanish.

"Did you know Wakkanai sounds a lot like wakaranai—like saying 'I don't know'?" he asked, still watching the ocean like it held the answer to all the questions in the universe.

I couldn't reply. What was I supposed to say? Haha, that's funny, I never thought of it? What are you doing here? Seeing you breaks my heart but makes it whole all at the same time?

Was this love—I wanted to see him no matter how painful it was to see him?

"I'm probably the last person you want to see," he continued quietly, "but I... I had to try. It's all a misunderstanding—"

"Misunderstanding?" I cut in with a bitter laugh. "Aren't you Seta Keisuke and Hanako's son? The same people who blackmailed my father and pushed him to his own death?"

His jaw clenched, but he didn't deny it.

I blinked furiously. "Then you lied. About how my mom wouldn't want me to seek revenge, how my parents would rather I be happy, and me without a drop of malice. That's what I was to you, wasn't I? A dumb sunflower that was desperate for the sun? How could you? How could you?"

Soujirou turned to look at me finally. And I faltered, momentarily taken aback by the pain in his eyes. Was he hurting too?

"No, Kaoru. I meant every word. I am their son, yes, but you have no idea how I wish I weren't. If being family is just blood, then I'd bleed myself dry to cut that tie."

The intensity of his tone made me pause, but I steadied myself and snapped. "Save the pretty talk for someone who cares. I won't fall for it again."

Soujirou opened his mouth, but decided against it. He stood up slowly and reached for the zipper of his coat.

"What are you doing?" My voice rose in alarm as he shrugged it off. "You'll freeze." He pulled off his sweater, leaving only a thin shirt underneath.

"Soujirou—" The words died as I saw what lay beneath.

His torso was covered in scars. Some faded, some twisted, some puckered. Dark, circular burns dotted his ribs like a trail of permanent ink.

"This," Soujirou said with a strange smile, "is all that Seta Keisuke and Hanako—my so-called parents —gave me. No matter what I did, whether it was good, bad, or simply just existing—the beatings never ended."

He glanced at his arms, which were smoother, less damaged. "They were careful though, never leaving marks where people would ask questions."

Soujirou's voice dropped even lower, barely a whisper above the waves below. "I lived in fear every day... until one day, I couldn't take it anymore. I stole sleeping powder from the doctor next door and gave it to Keisuke and Hanako. Then I turned on the gas. I wanted to die and I wanted to take them with me."

His eyes, normally bright, had dulled to a grey blue. "But they woke up and found out. I nearly died that night."

Something clicked in my mind—my father's last case. A domestic violence report involving a little boy.

"My father found you, didn't he?" I asked, my voice barely audible.

Soujirou nodded, eyes distant, lost in memory. "He was the only adult who ever truly cared. The neighbors had filed reports before, but nothing ever came of them. I started to believe it'd be easier if I just disappeared…Your father managed to find a distant relative of mine in the States. They didn't have children of their own and were happy to take me in. Kamiya-san—your father—shuffled some paperwork so I could leave the country without needing Keisuke and Hanako's consent."

He looked down at his hands, the tips of which were turning blue. "If it weren't for your father, I wouldn't be alive today, but if it weren't for me, your father would be alive today. Keisuke and Hanako found out about what your father did for me and used it to blackmail him…I could never forgive myself. Or them."

My father had saved him… and it had cost him everything. I didn't know how to react to this revelation. My thoughts for too tangled for words.

Instead, I picked up the shirt and handed it to him. "Here."

He blinked, as if not expecting the gesture, then slowly took it from me. His fingers brushed mine. Cold. Familiar.

I waited until he was fully dressed again before speaking. "Was that why you came to Japan?"

Soujirou nodded. "I was bent on revenge—for everything these two scumbags did, but I landed in Tokyo first, so I went to see your mom."

I stared at him. "You met my mom?"

"Yes. I told her that I wanted justice." His voice softened at the memory. "Your mom told me to seek happiness instead. She said my hands should be used to build the future, not cling to the past."

A lump rose in my throat. My mother, always gentle, wise, and ready to forgive. Did I have that kind of strength inside me?

"Then what were you doing in their house?" My tone was sharper than I intended, but the answer mattered more than I wanted to admit.

"I heard they were in serious trouble with moneylenders. It felt like karma had finally found them and I wanted to see it for myself." His lips twisted bitterly. "They recognized me. Dragged me inside, begging for money. And… then you showed up."

We fell silent. His words hung like a curtain in the air. One that I didn't know whether to draw back or let hang untouched.

Some things that had bothered me before started to make sense now. Like how Soujirou flinched whenever I reached out, how naturally he helped Yahiko navigate things with his stepmom, or the way he'd commented how nice it was that people cared when we helped Tsubame find her parents on the train.

But as some truths settled into place, others unraveled.

I found myself thinking of the day I found my father gasping for breath on the floor, his eyes filled with pain. Did he regret his choices?

Then I thought of my mom, fighting against all odds to raise me. Had she ever allowed herself to blame anyone for all she had lost?

My eyes returned to Soujirou. Could I look at this man without seeing the shadow of everything I'd lost?

Keisuke and Hanako destroyed my family's chance at happiness. Was I going to allow them to take mine too?

But what was this so-called happiness built on? Gratitude he felt toward my father? Curiosity about his daughter? Pity for someone who had lost so much?

Soujirou interrupted my thoughts, addressing the ocean waves rather than me. "This is my truth, Kaoru, and I want you to hear it."

"Why?" My voice came out smaller than I meant it to.

A small, tight smile appeared on his face. "Because I'm going back to the States the day after tomorrow. And before I go…I wanted to tell the woman I love my story."

The sound of the ocean roared in my ears.

"I—" I broke off, not knowing how to continue.

"Here." I reached for his scarf and wrapped it around his neck.

His hands closed over mine, warm despite the cold. His eyes, once a dull steel hue, now held the blue of the summer ocean that I was willing to drown in.


Updated 4/25/2025 10:41pm EST