AN: Did you get an alert that a new chapter for a super old fic just got posted? Well, sorry to disappoint you. It's not really a "new chapter."

I strongly encourage you to visit Chapter 1 to read my Author's Note before reading the chapter below.

And I apologize in advance for any confusion and/or disappointment. :(


grace
.:chapter twenty-two:.


Their goodbye had gone far better than she thought it would, but once Yahiko and Kenishi had disappeared from sight, guilt crowded into Kaoru's heart and settled in for the rest of the day.

She went about her chores out of habit — washing clothes, cleaning dishes, watering plants, tidying up Yahiko's room — then evening was upon them, and Enishi had asked her if she was hungry. It was then she realized she hadn't eaten all day and still had no appetite.

He made rice balls for them to eat, and Kaoru thanked him for going to the trouble. She had a difficult time finishing even one of them, but she forced herself to finish the two he made for her. She sensed that it pleased him that she had managed to finish what he had given her.

As the darkness grew around them, Kaoru found there was little for her to do that would occupy her mind. Enishi, for his part, maintained a quiet vigil. As she went about her chores during the day, she had noticed that he was often within her line of sight. Normally, he would busy himself with training or reading, but it seemed more often than not, when she looked up from her work, he was there. He observed her quietly with no comment and no obvious judgment, though the way he tended to linger near her at times made plain his unspoken invitation to talk to him.

It was strange how she now knew that about him, how much easier it was to read him. Though she needed to be alone to sort out her feelings, she knew he was doing his best to give her space while also staying near out of concern. It reminded her of how she tried to navigate around him back on the island, though he seemed to be doing a much better job of it.

Even so, she still wasn't ready to talk.

Gazing up at the night sky, Kaoru quietly watched the moon slowly rise into the heavens as she thought of the man she had grown to care deeply for.

What would she say to him? Everything that had led up to this moment had directly involved him and her growing feelings for him. Yahiko pushing her in the courtyard, Kenshin's suggestion to take the boy with him on his travels, and then his parting words before they left… all of it centered around Enishi and her deepening relationship with him.

The guilt and worry that she felt, she understood. She knew she would eventually work her way through it, and she trusted Kenshin's judgement, but there was something else happening between her and Enishi that she was not yet ready to name. With only the two of them alone in the house, an aura of expectation had grown between them. She knew she needed to talk to him, to get whatever this was between them out in the open, to define it somehow.

But how?

Her heart flip-flopped in her chest as she thought of him kissing her again. She wanted that, yes, very much… but beyond that?

She didn't think she was ready. Enishi was so worldly, so experienced...

And she felt so… young. Sheltered.

Naive.

If her mother were alive, or if she had older sisters, or even Megumi, she would seek them out for insight about her relationship with Enishi and what she should do about it.

She knew, as the daughter of a samurai, that the proper course of action was for Enishi to state his intentions toward her to her father. If he approved the match, she would have to meet his mother… but both of them were orphans, and…

Stop it, Kaoru, she told herself as she gave herself a mental shake.

She was letting her mind wander too far, too fast. It scared her a bit how easily her feelings for Enishi had grown, and how different her affection for him felt compared to her love for Kenshin.

But it felt right. And she knew she wanted it.

She just needed to figure out what happened next.

• • •

Soft footsteps moved past his door, alerting him to her wakefulness. He cracked his eyes open and was surprised to realize how early it was. Kaoru wasn't one to rise before the sun.

Curious, Enishi followed after her, his bare feet padding quietly after her. She moved through the house and out to the dojo, disappearing inside. He waited for her to exit for several moments before climbing the steps to the entrance to peer inside.

He found her on her knees, a wet rag in her hands, and a bucket beside her. He watched her from the shadows for several minutes, studying the way her body moved rhythmically as she scrubbed the floor, carefully working her way from the far side of the dojo toward the main entrance. It was a chore that the boy regularly did, but there was no need for her to do it now. The brat had cleaned and polished the dojo floors just three days prior.

Pressing his lips together as he watched her, he knew instinctively that she was performing the chore merely as a means to keep busy. She had, after all, been troubled since the previous day. She barely spoke after the brat left, and she retired for the evening in a funk. Even as she cleaned, she seemed distressed.

Deciding to check on her, he stepped inside the dojo and waited for her to notice him. It took her a few minutes, but she finally caught sight of his feet and paused. Tired, bloodshot eyes regarded him.

"You're up early," he said gently.

"I couldn't sleep."

He noted the shadows under her eyes and the tiny cut that marred her lower lip. As he stared at her mouth, she began to chew her lip, threatening to reopen the small wound.

"You've been up all night worrying about the boy, haven't you?"

She sat straighter and sighed, but she said nothing.

Enishi frowned. So she was tired and probably a bit grumpy. Understandable considering how difficult the last few days had been for her.

"The brat will be back before you know it," he said.

She glowered at his use of the word 'brat.'

"Trust me," he said. "He'll come back. You know he will."

"I hope so," she said quietly, then lowered her eyes to look at the floor.

Shoulders tense and fingers tightly clenching the rag in her hand, Kaoru said nothing more.

Enishi lifted a quizzical brow as he watched her. Perhaps there was more on her mind than just concern for Yahiko, and he wondered at her.

Battousai had said something to her just before they left, something that Enishi hadn't quite heard. Whatever it was, she had been visibly confused upon hearing it. Enishi had wanted to ask her about it when they had gone, but Kaoru's mood had turned so melancholy upon their departure that he decided to wait. Enishi didn't get the sense that Himura had said anything damaging about him, but he couldn't shake the feeling that whatever was said was related to him.

Enishi wondered if that was troubling her, too, and he felt a swirl of annoyance stir within him. He didn't like seeing her upset, and he especially didn't like not knowing how to respond to her when she was. One thing he did feel certain of was that it didn't feel right to leave her when something was so obviously hurting her. If she wasn't ready to talk about it, fine, but until then, he would stay near her. As much for his sake as for his own.

Kneeling beside her, he picked up one of the extra rags, dunked it into the bucket of water, and began to scrub the floors beside her.

Glancing at him out of the corners of her eyes, she said, "You don't have to help, Enishi. It's okay."

"I don't mind."

She stared at him for a long moment, then returned her attention to scrubbing the floor. The rhythmic sound of the wood being cleaned and polished had a soothing effect as his muscles slowly tired from the repetitive action. Neither of them said a word as they worked, though Enishi caught her watching him more than once, an unreadable expression on her face.

There was a question brewing inside her. He could feel it.

His side of the dojo cleaned, Enishi wrung out his rag, set it aside, then stood and stretched. It had to have been nearly twenty years since he last scrubbed the floor of a dojo. The chore had never been one he liked, but it had been something impressed upon him at a young age to do correctly. Looking over Kaoru's work, it was clear the same was true for her.

He moved to sit at the entrance and wait for her to finish up. She took her time scrubbing the floors nearest the entrance, carefully wiping away every smudge until the wood shone. Then she paused and glanced at him out of the corners of his eyes.

"Why are you here, Enishi?"

"I heard you get up—"

"No," she gently interrupted. "Why did you come to the dojo when Jinchuu was over? Why did you come here?"

Enishi tilted his head toward her, searching her face curiously. He recalled asking her a similar question nearly a year ago.

"Is that also why you're so tired and grumpy this morning?" he asked. "You aren't just worried about the boy, you were thinking about me as well?" He smiled, "I'm flattered."

Kaoru closed her eyes and sighed.

"I just… I just want a complete picture. I want to… I don't..."

She shook her head as she trailed off.

"Never mind," she whispered as she stood, picked up the bucket of dirty water and used rags, and stepped around him to exit the dojo.

"I came here for you," he said, and she paused in the doorway.

The forward simplicity of his reply wasn't quite what she expected. She flinched a little from the truth, blushed, but still dug for more.

"Why?" she asked.

Enishi rose to his feet and took the bucket from her. She followed him silently out to the yard where he emptied the bucket, and he found himself remembering Battousai's words.

You must tell her. She deserves honesty.

Bucket set aside, he turned to find that Kaoru had placed the dirty rags near the laundry washboard and was waiting for him to answer the question. He closed some of the distance between them and, peering at her intently, asked, "Why do you think?"

"Jinchuu—"

"No," he said, cutting her off.

His interruption earned him a miffed look, but he softened it by reaching out and taking her hand tenderly. The contact succeeded in distracting her. Enveloping her hand with both of his, he gave her a fond squeeze as understanding flooded his mind. Her questions, her ill temper, her insomnia... what he thought should be obvious was confusing to her.

But inexperience was like that. It often led to second-guessing and doubts, which ultimately prevented a person from seeing the obvious. He would have to help her put the puzzle pieces together.

That bastard Battousai was right after all. He would have to tell her.

"Jinchuu was always a means to an end," he explained, as he released her hand. "It is a path. My sister's death was the starting point of that path."

Her mouth opened to speak, but he didn't give her a chance to form any words.

"The ending I originally hoped for was eternal suffering for Battousai," he continued as he took a step closer to her. "I have since learned that the path of Jinchuu was never meant to lead to that."

Kaoru's brows creased. "Then you did come here because of Jinchuu."

"My conception of Jinchuu drove me to you."

"You're going in circles," she said. "I don't—"

"You are the end, Kaoru. Jinchuu led me to you."

Electrified stillness filled the air between them. His answer surprised her, and confusion continued to cling to her stubbornly.

"I'm the end?" she asked, "Enishi, I…"

She trailed off when he cupped her jaw and slowly tilted her head up. Kaoru grew still, but didn't tense. Didn't pull back. As his thumb slowly stroked her cheek, her eyes dropped to look at his mouth, and he took that as an unspoken invitation to kiss her.

Slowly, he leaned forward, careful to take his time, as he gently pressed his lips to hers. He felt her tense for just a moment, then she leaned forward toward him, and her hands gently flattened against his chest.

He deepened the kiss, just a little, just enough for her to get a taste of his desire. She responded by sliding her hands up his chest to rest on his shoulders, then shifted her weight, pressing her body to his. He wrapped his arms around her then, pulling her closer as he ran the tip of his tongue over her bottom lip.

They parted, just for a moment to breathe, and he whispered her name a second before she kissed him. Her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt and gently tugged, urging him closer. He kissed her mouth, her jaw, her neck, breathed her in, and kissed her mouth again.

Kaoru's responsiveness unlocked a desire deep within him, and he struggled to keep himself in check. Suddenly, she was everything, all he ever wanted, and he yearned to lose himself in her, but knew this moment, this experience, was new to her. He wanted it to be good for her, exciting but not scary, intense but not overwhelming.

He paused, pulled back, and pressed his forehead against hers. She peered at him, eyes dilated and mouth swollen. No woman had ever looked more beautiful, more sensual.

Enishi closed his eyes and drew in a ragged breath as he willed himself to slow down.

"Enishi?" she whispered.

He kissed her forehead and pulled her against him, embracing her.

"Jinchuu led me to you," he said quietly, repeating his words from just moments before. "I am where I am supposed to be." He ran his hand through her hair. "I have every desire to court you, Kaoru, and eventually marry you," he continued, "If you wish me to leave, I will do so, but my feelings will not change."

Enishi reluctantly pulled away from her. He needed to see her face, her eyes. He needed to know that she understood him, that she wanted him, too.

Kaoru gazed up at him, eyes wide and owlish and lips parted in muted surprise and wonder. Did she really not know how important she was to him? How much he wanted her? Needed her?

"What would you have me do?" he whispered.

"Yes," she breathed, and he kissed her—this time with more care, more deliberation. A time would come for passion, but not now.

Soon.

He broke the kiss and asked, "I can stay?"

The corner of his lip quirked upward and she laughed.

"Yes. Of course."

He grabbed her hand as he stepped away from her, intent on leading her back to the house for morning tea.

"Good."

When they crossed the threshold and turned toward the kitchen, she asked, "Is that why Kenshin said what he said yesterday?"

"What did he say?"

A self-conscious smile lifted her features as she moved toward the cupboard to retrieve the tea.

"When he hugged me yesterday, he said, 'You are to Enishi what Tomoe was to Battousai.'"

Enishi said nothing for several moments as he considered.

"It's true," he said, finally. "I never thought about it quite like that, but... It's true."

Enishi's lips lifted into a small smile. "You are my sheath."