Disclaimer: First Chapter
Story Start!

"Dude! We're roommates!"

"Hell yeah!"

Issei Hyoudou and Vali Lucifer high fived each other as saw each other in their new room, as they just started attending college together after a lifetime of best friendship and rivalry.

The Breast Dragon Emperor, Issei Hyoudou.

The Butt Dragon Emperor, Vali Lucifer.

When Vali was a child, and the supernatural became known to regular human society, his mother had been deported from the Underworld and forced to live in the human world where she had been born. Well, technically she had been rescued from the Underworld since she was abused. He didn't remember his father, or his grandfather, or even really care about his devil heritage at all. When he moved to the human realm, he had been raised by his human mother in the same way a human would be raised for years and years.

He only discovered that he had a Sacred Gear when he met Issei as a child.

They learned together that they had the Divine Dividing and the Boosted Gear, rival Sacred Gears that represented the White and Red Dragon Emperors... but it didn't matter to them. They were just two young boys, who lived in the same city and became good friends. Neither of them had ever gotten their Sacred Gear licenses, so they couldn't exactly train and fight each other with their Sacred Gears as kids or teens.

Vali saw a ring on Issei's finger.

"You got married, when, and you didn't invite me?"

"I couldn't even reach you dude, you were on that cruise ship with your mom for a year. Yeah, me and Irina tied the knot a few months ago." Issei grinned as he showed off his wedding ring to Vali. He didn't understand the point of wedding rings, but Irina had come back from Europe, and she had wanted a European wedding instead of a Japanese one. So he went along with it, and he got married in the way that she wanted to get married. "... she made me throw away my old porn mags though. But she didn't make me throw away my dear Suki-Suki." Issei grinned.

"I feel you, I special ordered my Lu-Lu, and I would hate if I got a girlfriend, and she made me throw her away. Androids with large asses are so hard to come back. Big tits? You can buy those androids anywhere, but it costs so much extra to buy an android with a big butt." Vali complained, but he was just more happy than anything that Issei had gotten married and got to keep his Type E android. The two of them worked a part time job together for years in order to save up enough money to buy their own custom androids.

Issei got a Type E with customizable massive tits.

He got a Type E with a special order ass.

"How is your Mom dude?" Issei asked as he started to unpack his bags. "... What course are you taking? I'm taking a business course, I want to start producing TV shows." Issei asked a second question.

"I'm taking Culinary Arts, I want to learn how to make the best ramen noodles in the world. While I was on that cruise ship, me and my Mom got to taste the different noodle dishs from across the globe. It made me really want to make my own dish, and feed it to her." Vali had found a dream of opening his own noodle stand back in their home town, and becoming the best noodle chef the world had ever seen, or ever would see.

A woman walked into their dorm room.

It was Irina.

A pregnant Irina.

"Irina! It's been so long... and you're pregnant, Issei, you didn't mention that!" Vali went to Irina and hugged her carefully, so that her belly didn't get too hurt. She hugged him back, and made sure the cross on her chest didn't touch him, since he was a partial devil. She kissed him on both cheeks, before she stepped back and looked up at him.

"You got taller, and so handsome in the year you were wrong. It's nice to see you Vali, yep, I'm pregnant, and it's a boy. Issei couldn't keep his hands off me during our honeymoon. I got a job nearby, and I'm renting an apartment in the city. So while my Issei is getting his degree, I won't be too far away from him." Irina looked at Issei with nothing but love, affection, and adoration in her eyes.

She was his childhood friend, before her family moved to Europe to train her as an Exorcist.

Not that she did anything with that training.

All warriors who went through the training... did pretty much nothing with that training. The church didn't assign them any missions, so while they were "Exorcists" in name, they didn't do any work. So the church just allowed them to live normal lives, go and travel the world, and they were given the chance to help with internation disaster relief where they used their enhanced bodies to clear away rubble and damages in natural disaster torn areas.

"What do you do?" Vali asked her about her job.

"I got a job working in an Android repair shop. The church taught us a lot about repairing androids, so I've got a bit of experience with it. The college campus employs a lot of androids, so there is plenty of work to be had. More than anything, I wanted to make sure this weak guy didn't go causing trouble." Irina pinched Issei's cheek and pulled on it.

Vali made a whip cracking motion.

"Yeah, I'm whipped, but look at her tits, pregnancy is making them bigger. I'm a happily whipped man." Issei responded with arms crossing with a cocky smirk.

Vali looked at Irina's tits.

...

"Dude, who cares about Irina's tits. You're lucky your wife has such awesome child bearing hips, and look at her ass. It's a tight bubble butt. You can play the drums off her ass." Vali gestured to Irina's ass, getting the woman to blush as the two boys started to argue about if her tits or ass were her better feature.

She sighed, before she smiled when Issei and Vali started to wrestle.

"Can you two idiots please keep it down. We're trying to build a gundam set over here, and you're arguing is making it hard to concentrate."

Issei and Vali stopped wrestling when they saw two girls sitting on the top bunk of a bed, a devil woman and a small vampire woman with doll like features. The two were wearing normal clothes, but they were currently building gundam sets with each other.

-In Room 913-

"Woah... you have such pretty long hair."

"Thanks." A woman with long blue hair that went down below her butt said as she took off her leather jacket and tossed it onto a random bed. She was Xenovia Quarta, a fully trained exorcist that was allied with the church.

Being an Exorcist wasn't that great though.

Not when the Church didn't send you on any missions, so all your training just amounted to you getting stronger so you could be called on as an emergency warrior. So she had a lot of time to pursue her own hobbies. Like riding a motorcycle, and feeling the wind going through her long blue hair. There was nothing that made her happier than working on her motorcycle, riding it, and working to upgrade it whenever she got the parts.

To do that she needed money.

To get money, she needed a job.

So she got a job working at a at a auto shop, and after a couple of years working there, she had decided to try and get into a good college so that she could get the experience, gain the knowledge, and pursue her desire to design her own motorcycles.

So, she decided to apply for the Mechanical Engineering course, and due to her exorcist training making her an exceptional student, she got in on an athletics scholarship. So long as she continued to play football for the school, she would be able to continue her classes easily enough. She had a good body, and the team was happy to have her.

"Do you know when the boys who will be rooming with us will get here?"

"No, I do not, and I do not care. As long as they don't touch my stuff." Xenovia stated as she finished unpacking quickly, grabbed some papers from the bottom of her bag, and she moved to sit at her desk. She looked at the motorcycle blueprints that she was working on, grabbed a pencil from her breast pocket, before she started to work on it. She ignored the fallen angel roommate that was talking to her, since with just a glance she could recognize this blond girl for what she was.

"Hello fine ladies, Riser is here."

"Stay on the other bed, don't touch my stuff, and no I won't join your peerage, your harem, or whatever you want me to do. I'm not saving my virginity, but I'm not giving it to you either." Xenovia didn't even look at the owner of the arrogant voice, and she just gestured for him to go to a bed opposite of hers. She understood that at this college she was going to have to mix with other races, but she wasn't about to get enjoyment out of it if she could help it.

The factions had a strong peace with each other, but she was a human woman who was attending college in the Underworld. She knew very much that if anything happened, she could be blamed and the law would be stricter to her than it would be a devil, just like how the opposite worked in the human realm.

"Uhg, I've heard of this guy. That's Riser Phenex-"

"I really don't care who he is, I'm fine rooming with him as long as he doesn't touch my cycle blueprints." Xenovia didn't care about her gossip either. All she wanted to do was get her degree, play football, and then start designing her own perfect motorcycle so that she could open a shop of her own. '... I hope my other roommate is a human, or at least isn't a devil.' Xenovia thought to herself as she glanced at the still open room door.

Xenovia saw a familiar face walk by.

It was Asia Argento and Naruto Uzumaki, she knew them from sunday church service when they were all kids, though she wasn't that close to them. She sighed in relief at seeing some familiar faces all the same. At at least she would be able to approach some people she knew were human, and that she would be able to have actual friendships at the school.

Then she watched a devil and fallen angel walking behind Asia and Naruto, she recognized Rias Gremory, but not the fallen angel woman. It seemed that they were roommates, and were heading down to breakfast for the morning.

Unlucky for Naruto and Asia.

Xenovia saw a grown man enter her room, and he was another devil, but this one was more quiet. He didn't introduce himself, and instead went right to the last remaining bunk and started to unpack his belongings.

-Room 922-

"Well, see you two later. I've got to get to work, don't get into too much trouble Issei." Irina stated as she kissed her husband goodbye, and she hugged Vali again, before leaving the room. She moved out of the way as a group of roommates walked by her to make their way down to the breakfast hall. She smiled at a familiar face in Asia, but didn't say anything as she made her way to the stairs.

"See you later Irina, I'll go help you unpack at your apartment when I'm done catching up with Vali." Issei called out to her.

"Why don't we unpack for her, and catch up while we're doing that?" Vali suggested in a whisper.

"Because, Irina is anal about unpacking, so I'm not about do anything like that, and put somewhere where she doesn't want it. So, you girls want to get breakfast?" Issei asked the two girls on the top bunk, who were still working on their gundam building. He raised an eyebrow when the vampire girl flipped him off, and the devil girl joined her in flipping the two of them off.

"We'll join you for lunch later, but only after we finish this."

"I only drink blood for breakfast and lunch. The only time I'll eat mortal food is for dinner, and only with a glass of wine. Don't touch my personal fridge, it has my blood supply in it. If you touch my blood, I'll drain your blood."

Vali and Issei grabbed their necks with a shiver.

Vampires were creepy.

Pretty, but creepy.

Chapter End!
Please Leave Me Lots of Nice Long Reviews, But No Flames Please!

Yep, Vali is NOT a battle maniac in this timeline. He and Issei are both completely untrained in their Sacred Gears, and neither of them have any interest in growing strong. Their rivalry is completely focused on the Tits vs Ass debate, and Vali's dream is to be a ramen chef.

Irina and Issei got married at 17, the second they were out of high school, and Vali moved to the human world with his mother as a child, where destiny allowed him to meet Issei young, and become best friends. Issei has his own Type Erotic android named Suki-Suki, and Vali has a Type Erotic android called Lu-Lu. Both Vali and Issei are weaklings, with Vali not knowing any magic at all.

Xenovia never went on missions as an exorcist, so she never decided to cut her hair short, so this Xenovia has long hair, and isn't a battle maniac, instead she followed her passion for her motorcycle. So this story uses a slightly smarter, long haired Xenovia.