Dean careened into the motel parking lot at full speed, skidded to a stop, and barely managed to put his Baby into park before he was running out, motor still running. He ran so fast he ran right into the door, fumbling for the key and shoving it into the lock. The door didn't unlock and Dean threw his shoulder into it, causing it to shake violently. "Cass!"

"Dean!" Balthazar had hold of Dean and was almost literally throwing him back. "You need to calm down. You can't help Castiel if you injure yourself because you're panicking."

Dean managed to control himself enough to let Balthazar turn the knob without turning the key. The door opened immediately. The reason it wouldn't unlock was because it wasn't locked. Why wasn't it locked? Didn't matter. As soon as it inched open Dean was forcing his way through it, barreling past Balthazar to get into the room.

It was empty. Nothing seemed to be disturbed beyond the bedding. All of their belongings were still inside, despite the door being left unlocked.

"I was afraid of this," Balthazar sighed. The former intelligence agent had come inside behind Dean and was looking around, shaking his head. "I realized the door was slightly ajar when you ran into it and it closed. Not the best safety measure to only have a deadbolt, but considering this motel…?"

Dean grabbed Balthazar by the lapels of his coat and slammed him into the wall. "Where is he?" he hissed. "Where the hell is Castiel?"

"You're asking me?" Balthazar seemed far more irritated than concerned at being manhandled, while Sam was cursing and dragging Dean back. Balthazar gripped Sam's arm. "Go park the car," he ordered. "Dean and I will be fine."

Sam gave Dean a bitchface and stomped back to the car.

"Sorry," Dean apologized, embarrassed. "I had no right to go after you. It's just that Cass…?"

Balthazar waved a hand in dismissal, unconcerned. "Believe me, I understand. At least you realize I can't know where he is." He frowned. "I do have a good idea about what may have happened, though. I believe I am partly to blame for his absence. Obviously, he sensed that you were upset after our unfortunate meeting and came after you. Once you'd calmed, the urgency would have been over, but if he'd already flown some distance while he was sick?" He shook his head. "Well, there's no telling where he set down. It's quite likely that he's lost. Can you sense him?"

"I…" Dean instinctively reached for the brand on his arm. "I know he's sick, like, really sick. I've just had this feeling for a while now that something's wrong."

"Then focus on that," Balthazar advised. Pulling down the collar of his shirt, he displayed Gabriel's mark and put his own hand over it. "Do this," he urged. "Touching your mark will likely help you direct your thoughts. Focus on that feeling of wrongness, and call for him."

"I'll try." Closing his eyes, Dean slid his hand into his sleeve, resting it over the mark on his arm. "Cass?" he sent. "Where are you, buddy?"

From somewhere far away, something tugged at his mind. Dean's eyes flew open. "He's out there, somewhere. I can't tell what direction or anything, but I know he's there." He looked hopefully at Balthazar. "Eyes in the sky would help a lot! Do you think there's anyway that Gabriel…?"

"Dean, you can't ask him that." Sam had just come back in, apparently having parked Baby properly. "It's bad enough that Castiel is out there somewhere now. You cannot ask Gabriel to risk himself, too."

"Then what am I supposed to do, Sam?!" Dean yelled, whirling on his brother. "My dragon is out there, sick and alone…"

"So you want to put another dragon out there with him and double both of their risk?" Sam shook his head. "I cannot imagine what you must be thinking right now…"

"I'm thinking that Cass is sick, and lost, and I have no idea where he is!"

"Dean, I want you to stop and think clearly for a moment," Balthazar urged. "Last night, you called Castiel, and he answered. That was him you called, wasn't it? Your boyfriend?"

Dean glared at him. "He's not my boyfriend, and yes, I called Cass."

"And he answered," Balthazar continued. "So what does that tell you?"

Oh. Oh! "He's got his cell phone!" Dean reached for his phone and quickly called Cass. He listened to it ring before Cass's gravelly voice announced, "This is my voice mail. Make your voice a mail."

"Cass, where are you?" Dean exclaimed. "Why aren't you picking up? I'm at the motel and you're not here, and I'm scared to death! Call me!" Hanging up, he called back, got the voice mail again, hung up, and looked pleadingly at Balthazar. "Why the hell isn't he picking up?"

"He may be sicker than we thought," Balth mused. "Or there's another possibility."

Sam sucked in his breath. "You think he's been captured?"

Balth looked grave. "I think it's a possibility that we need to consider, yes."

Dean felt sick. He moved on shaky knees to collapse into a chair. "If he's captured, they'll give him that hormone for sure, try to make him bond with Ketch," he whispered. "They'll kill him! What do we do?"

"We find out." Sam quickly ran outside and returned a moment later with a laptop computer. "I'm going to start checking to see if anyone reported any sightings of either a full dragon or a man with wings. Balthazar, could you start calling hospitals?"

"On it," Balth declared, pulling out a phone.

"What do I do?" Dean asked.

"I don't know, do you know anyone?" Sam suggested. "Anyone you can call with some technical expertise who might be able to trace the last location of Castiel's phone?"

"No, I don't…" He brightened. "Yeah, maybe I do!" Pulling out his phone, Dean dialed a number. When it was answered, he said, "Bobby, it's Dean Winchester. I've got a problem. You said you knew someone who could get us papers. Could they trace a cell phone?"

"According to your friend's coordinates, Castiel is somewhere in that direction," Balthazar reported. "Good on him for being clever enough to stay away from the road, but getting to him, and more importantly getting him out, will be difficult."

Dean eyed the rocky terrain. Being in the army, he'd done plenty of hikes in his time, but nothing recently. This was barren, untouched wilderness, full of scrub and thorns and probably snakes and scorpions. Didn't matter. Dean needed to get to Cass. "We just have to find him," he announced. "I know how we can get him out, even if he's too sick to move."

"Reach out to him, the way you did before," Balthazar encouraged.

Dean was already reaching for his brand. Almost immediately, he could sense something. The dragon was somewhere close. He could feel it. The brand on his arm seemed to tingle. "Cass, can you hear me?"

From somewhere way up ahead, something seemed to tug on his mind. "Dean?"

"Oh, thank God, he's talking to me," Dean moaned. "He sounds really weak, though. I need to get to him fast."

"Go to him," Sam urged. "We're right behind you, but you're our best shot at finding him."

"As corny as it sounds, in this case it's absolutely accurate," Balth added. "Just follow your heart."

Castiel had some regrets in his life, both as a dragon and as a man. Most of them revolved around the same person. As Jimmy Novak, he regretted not reaching out more to Dean. If only he'd been a friend first instead of always acting as an MP, he could have gotten to know Dean better. Maybe then, he'd have had Dean at his side for the secret project he'd wanted so badly to be a part of, before he'd really known what was involved. In retrospect, he wished Dean hadn't been anywhere near Project Castiel. Even if Dean's life was inevitably headed for the stockade, at least he wouldn't have been in the danger he was now.

Most of all, Castiel regretted missing his chance to have a real relationship with Dean. From the first day he'd seen Dean, he'd been aware of the man's beauty. But even more than Dean's looks, Jimmy had been immediately attracted to Dean's spirit. Dean radiated a kind of joyful, exuberant energy that Jimmy had never felt for himself. While his own life had been discipline and orders, Dean had followed his heart. Why the private had joined the army was beyond him. Unless he'd been basically forced into it by his father? That was probably the most likely scenario. Dean was rebelling against his father and always had been, even as he desperately wanted his father's attention and approval. That much was obvious just from Dean's reaction the night he'd been arrested. The one thing that had really gotten under his skin had been his realization that Castiel was going to call his father. Dean cared about his father's opinion, despite the way he acted. But Dean was always acting, really. He acted like an insensitive clod, like he didn't care, like he was only in it for himself. With all the women he'd been with, Jimmy had always known Dean wouldn't stay. But it was never because Dean didn't care. It was because Dean was searching for real, lasting love, for acceptance he'd apparently never gotten from his father. Castiel would have given him that as Jimmy. He desperately wanted to give it to him as he was now, but Dean had been perfectly clear. Dean did not want Castiel. He had no interest in forming a relationship with a dragon. While Dean clearly cared very much for him, to the point he was literally ready to fight Ketch? Dean saw him as a partner at best, a child in need of care at worst. Now they were being hunted, and it was all because of Castiel. Little wonder Dean didn't want him to come along to help find his brother.

Castiel had been resting in the bed at the motel when Dean's fear suddenly washed through him. In an instant, he'd known that Dean was being attacked. Castiel hadn't stopped to think, hadn't bothered to consider the distance, or who might have seen him. He'd simply run out the door, transforming in an instant and taking to the air. In retrospect, it was good that it was night. He'd been mostly hidden in the darkness, but at that moment, with Dean in danger? Castiel simply couldn't be bothered to care.

But Dean was so far away. Castiel had flown as far and as fast as he could, even when Dean's emotions had gone frighteningly silent. Soon, Castiel was hopelessly lost. When he could finally sense his bondmate again, Castiel realized with dismay that he'd gone too far. During his desperate flight, Dean had moved. Castiel had actually overshot Dean's location. Landing, Castiel changed back into human form and tried to get his bearings again. He had no idea where he was. The feeling of cold, so foreign to a fire dragon, was getting stronger. Exhaustion tried hard to drag him down, but Castiel ignored it. Dean needed him. For Dean, he'd push himself past whatever boundaries were in his way and proved it when he'd ignored his own illness to fly out as far and as fast as he could. Now, though, Dean no longer seemed to be in danger. Castiel needed to take precautions. Flying in dragon form the way he'd done had been risky, exposing their location to all the wrong people. He needed to be more cautious. That meant traveling as much as possible in his human form. Castiel wearily started jogging, heading in a straight direction back toward his bondmate.

Fortunately, he'd been wearing his trench coat, feeling too cold to take it off even when buried under the covers. Castiel hadn't even considered the cell phone in the pocket of his coat until it rang hours later. He'd been so relieved to hear Dean's voice. He could sense that his bondmate was still upset, but Dean seemed more worried about Castiel's health. Dean insisted he was alright even after admitting that he was with an asshole. Castiel had been doing his best not to wheeze into the phone, twisting the phone so the microphone was away from his mouth as he tried to catch his breath between speaking. He wasn't sure Dean was fooled. His bondmate just wanted him to rest and get better. Castiel couldn't bear to lie to Dean, or to admit that rest and fluids were currently impossible at his present location. At least he hadn't lied to Dean about eating the sandwiches. He'd finished them off shortly after Dean had gone. He'd also been truthful about fluids and taking his vitamins. He'd done everything he could think of doing to stave off this sickness. Castiel didn't understand it. As a dragon, he should be immune to most illnesses, but this was only getting worse. He could recall his mother smearing a strong-smelling ointment on his chest and neck to help open his breathing passages when he was sick as a child. Maybe that was something he should look into later.

After the call, the dragon was at a loss as to what to do. His phone was nearly dead by now as he'd forgotten to charge it. It was dark, it was cold, and Castiel was far away from any recognizable landmarks. He looked around, seeing only scrub, brush, and rocky terrain. While it was highly unlikely he'd been followed this far, it was still best no one saw him. His human form was probably the best choice right now. He felt so tired, sick, cold and weak that he wasn't entirely sure he had the strength left to change if he wanted to.

The sky, which had been cloudy and dark, suddenly opened, dumping rain on his unprotected head. Castiel grimaced. Getting down on his hands and knees, he crawled into a thick patch of brush. It offered him next to no protection, but was still marginally better than being right out in the open, especially if anyone was chasing after him. It didn't matter anymore. He simply couldn't go on any further. His body ached. Even his wings ached, a dull, deep pain even though he'd pulled them out of this dimension. His lungs were painful as well. It seemed like he couldn't take a full breath. He was tired, he was hungry and thirsty, and for the first time in his life as a dragon, he actually felt cold enough that he was shivering. Normally, his thick scales and the feathers on his wings protected him, keeping him warm and even allowing him to keep Dean warm, as he'd done the first day they'd escaped from the base. Had that been a mistake? Castiel had been so frantic, so afraid Dean would be taken from him, that he'd seen no other choice than to take his bondmate and run. But now, at his limit and with no hope in sight, Castiel couldn't help but wonder if maybe it was better this way? Sick and alone, maybe he would die here, freeing Dean to go on with his life? It might be better if that happened before someone, either the asshole he was with or someone from the military, tried to hurt Dean for the crime of bonding with Castiel. It didn't matter. Castiel had to rest. With no other choice, he'd settled down for the night.

Images of Dean, smiling and laughing, filled his dreams. It was almost enough to make him feel warm.

When Castiel opened his eyes the next morning, his situation had not improved. If anything, he felt worse. Every breath was a struggle. There was an odd gurgling noise from somewhere deep inside when he breathed. He was lying on the drying ground in a shallow impression his body had created while it was wet. He couldn't imagine summoning up the effort required to get out of it. What had awakened him? Oh. Dean. He smiled at the thought of his bondmate, even though he could sense that Dean was upset. At least this time, Dean didn't seem to be in danger. Castiel guessed Dean was with his brother Sam. The emotion he could sense was protective, much like what Castiel had frequently sensed his bondmate felt for Castiel himself. Now it made sense. Dean thought of Castiel in much the same way he thought of his brother Sam, with the same sort of emotions attached. While it wasn't at all what Castiel really wanted, he could live with that.

Assuming he lived.

Closing his eyes, Castiel surrendered to sleep once more. When he heard Dean's telepathic call, at first the dragon thought he was still dreaming. But he wasn't. Dean was somewhere near, calling out to him. With a low moan, Castiel forced his eyes to open once more. Dean needed him. Dean was searching for him somewhere. But at the moment, Castiel simply did not have the strength to go to him. He called out weakly to his bondmate once before his eyes slipped closed once more. In his dreams, Dean held him close, whispering words of comfort. Words of love. Dean was so warm. There were other voices, too, strangers. Castiel's body was lifted, placed on something that swayed back and forth rhythmically. He opened his eyes and realized he was lying on some sort of tarp being carried between two men. One of them was Dean. Dean's anxious green eyes met his and brightened. "Cass!"

Castiel frowned. "Dean?" Surely, this was a dream.

Dean smiled, although clear lines of worry darkened his expression. "Cass, you're awake, thank God! Just relax, ok? We're carrying you back to the road and we'll get you out of here."

Cold. That's all Dean could think about when he looked at Castiel. He was so cold. Cass was nearly six feet tall, yet he somehow looked small bundled up in blankets, curled into the fetal position in the back seat, his head cradled in Dean's lap. Cass's teeth chattered, even despite the blankets, the temperature being turned up so high everyone else was sweating, and Dean holding him tightly, desperately trying to will his own warmth into the dragon. Cass had only been awake for a minute or so before the exhausted blue eyes fluttered closed. Now the dark lashes rested on pale cheeks, sallow skin radiating winter's chill.

"Is this the hormone?" Dean asked, meeting Balth's eyes in the rearview mirror.

The intelligence agent shook his head. "I don't know," he admitted. "I could see hormones having a delayed reaction, certainly. It would take time for anything he was given to tip the scales and cause his body to start creating dangerous hormones on its own in response. But this isn't something that was ever tried before, Dean. I simply do not know."

"Can't you ask Gabriel?"

"Dean, he doesn't know," Sam insisted.

Dean looked between the two in the front seat, not liking the way they were suddenly quietly staring straight ahead. "What?" he demanded. "What aren't you two telling me?"

"That this isn't any synthetic hormone he was given before you left that base," Balthazar said quietly.

"And you know that because?"

"Because if it is, then there's no hope." The man's tone left no room for argument and immediately stilled Dean. "If this is a hormonal cascade triggered by a synthetic hormone given to him just before you left the base? Then there is nothing that anyone can do to stop it. Therefore, it's something else."

"Ok." Dean's voice was shaking with the sudden hammering of his heart. "Ok, so it's not a hormonal cascade. What else is it?"

Once again, silence from the front seat. Dean reached up and smacked the back of Sam's head, causing his younger brother to yelp and swerve slightly. "Answer me, bitch!"

"Fine!" Sam exclaimed, slapping a hand against the wheel. "The other possibility we talked about is that Castiel is being poisoned somehow, even away from the base."

"Poisoned?" Dean echoed. "How the hell could he be poisoned?"

"I don't know, jerk, what the hell have you been feeding him?"

"Nothing I haven't eaten myself," Dean defended. "Pretty much the same sort of thing we had on the base. Well, lately it's mostly fast food. I guess that means more grease, but come on, he's a dragon! He was eating raw meat before he was on two legs. He likes cheeseburgers and PB . He liked those damned sandwiches when he was Jimmy and now he eats them nearly as often as he eats burgers."

Sam frowned. "Any chance he's got a peanut allergy?"

"I'd expect to see more swelling with an allergy," Balthazar said. "You said he's eating the same things you are. Are you positive about that?"

"Yes, dammit! When I called him the other night, I specifically asked if he'd eaten the sandwiches. He went off about how he was resting and drinking his fluids and taking his… vitamins…" Dean's voice trailed off, looking down at Castiel. "What vitamins? We never had vitamins!"

Sam groaned. Balthazar pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dean?" Balthazar called. "Is there any chance he brought these so-called 'vitamins' with him from the base?"

"I don't know what he even means by vitamins!" Dean protested. He was shaking, looking down at his dragon in horror. "He mentioned them a couple of times, but I always thought he was just irritated about me asking after his health." Dean started frantically going through Castiel's pockets. He found the dragon's battery-drained phone in one. In the other, he found a pill bottle. He pulled it out, staring numbly at the label. It listed no ingredients, no manufacturer, nothing at all about the capsules rattling inside the bottle. Instead, black printed block letters spelled out the word "VITAMINS." Beneath it were the instructions. "Take one daily for optimal health."

Dean wordlessly handed the bottle to Balthazar. The agent opened it, dumping a capsule out into his palm and carefully pulling it apart. "It's some kind of white powder," he reported. "Definitely no vitamin I've ever seen."

"Why the hell would anyone be poisoning Cass?" Dean demanded.

"Because they don't realize it's poison." Balthazar's voice had gone low, dipping into an angry growl. "I'd wager my pathetic government salary that this is that hormone of Tapping's. Someone Castiel believed was trustworthy must have given it to him, impressing that it was important to his health to take them. Castiel followed instructions, thinking he was doing the right thing. He's been poisoning himself this entire time. No bloody wonder he's so sick!"

"What do I do?" Dean asked anxiously. "You said that hormone could kill him!"

"It is killing him," Balthazar snapped. "Dean, your brother and I are going to take you somewhere we can all lie low for a time. With luck, Castiel will recover with no further doses of this shit. But the rest is largely going to be up to you."

"Up to me?" Dean echoed. "What am I supposed to do?"

"The same thing you did before," Balthazar replied. "Reach out to him."

Dean sputtered. "I have done nothing BUT reach out to him!"

"Oh really?" Balthazar drawled, cocking an eyebrow at Dean. "You've been bonded for weeks now, but you had to focus hard just to determine that your dragon was even alive. He's sick, dying, and you were only marginally aware! Any time a dragon is in any sort of distress, his bondmate is aware, and vice versa. They're reflections of the other, Dean, that's what a pairing is all about. In my pairing, we both know that the other is fine, and always have a vague idea of where the other is. That's why I'm not worried. We could find each other with only minimal effort, but you?" An accusing finger pointed at Dean. "Your dragon was poisoned to the point that he's unconscious in the back seat of your ridiculous car, and you had no idea just how sick he actually was!"

"Sorry, Balth, but not everyone's as perfect as you and Gabe, ok?" Dean snapped.

Balthazar made an irritated sound and turned to glare out the window.

"What we've been trying to tell you is that the bond between a dragon and their bondmate is extremely strong," Sam added quietly. "That's why trying to break it can be fatal. But any sort of strain will have an effect, especially if your dragon feels unwanted. Now, has anything been going on between the two of you? Did you have a fight, a misunderstanding, anything at all that might make him think you regret forming your bond?"

Dean opened his mouth to say no, but froze. "Er… I went out for, you know, a quickie. He misunderstood what it was that I wanted and tried to, you know, offer himself. I obviously turned him down, but it's not like I told him I didn't want him! I just, well, I told him I didn't want him like that is all."

Balthazar was still staring out the window, but his face had gone dark. Sam was gripping the wheel angrily. "Why would you 'obviously' turn him down, exactly?"

"Why would I…? Because one, he's a dragon, two, he's basically a child, and three, he has no idea what he wants."

"He appears to be a fully grown man," Balthazar said quietly. "You told us that he shot himself at the start of all this, in part because of a failed relationship with his wife. Now, having heard this? I'd say it's pretty obvious what's wrong with your bond. He put himself out like that, offered himself to you, and you turned him down and called him a child?"

"Hey, it wasn't like that! I mean it was, but… He isn't a child, but he's, well… Oh, come on!" Dean protested weakly. "He's brain damaged. He can't even remember 'Puff the Magic Dragon,' so how could he understand sex?"

"Ah, yes, of course," Balthazar droned. "I totally see the relationship between a child's nursery rhyme and sex. You've just explained why so many relationships fail, Dean, ta for that."

"Oh, fuck you, Balth! My point is, well…" Dean was suddenly lost for words.

"Do go on, Dean," Balthazar encouraged sarcastically. "We're all quite looking forward to finding out how well you can speak around that foot in your mouth."

"Fuck you, Balth!"

"Yes, you said that already."

"Look, everything else aside, he's also a guy," Dean pointed out. "That's not something that…"

"Dean?" Sam interrupted with strained patience. "Can we please just stop tiptoeing around your fortress in Narnia and open the closet door already? I know you're bi. I've known for years."

Dean went quiet, but his heart pounded. For the most part, he'd hidden that side of his personality for the bulk of his life. He'd kept his homosexual activities limited to kisses, groping and quick blowjobs behind buildings. He was aware that word had spread around the base, to the point where his father had flat-out asked him about them. Dean had denied the allegations and nothing more was said about it. How had Sam…?

Sam sighed deeply. "I'm sorry to force you out like this," he said quietly. "I'm more sorry that you ever thought you needed to be in that closet in the first place. I couldn't care less about your sexuality. That was Dad, and frankly, I'd like to punch him in the mouth for that. That being said, Castiel's anything but ugly. You're obviously close to him. You care so much about him that you did everything you could do, pulled every string, to find him when you realized he was in trouble. You're out on the lam, running from God knows how many people after you right now and you still went back for him. You put yourself at risk to find me, and even then, you made sure to call Castiel the first chance you got. Most tellingly, you're sitting back there right now, cuddling him to your chest and stroking his hair."

Dean blushed and quickly dropped his hand. "I obviously care a lot about him, Sam, but that doesn't change facts."

"What facts? Yeah, he's got some damage, but he isn't stupid," Sam pointed out. "Maybe you were right in not wanting to take advantage of him, but you were wrong in assuming he didn't know what he was doing when he offered."

"He's not Jimmy Novak anymore," Balthazar added, "but he's not just a dragon, either. He's something else, something you were able to form a bond with. You obviously care about him. Now you need to stop thinking of him as Jimmy or the dragon, and really look at Castiel. See him for who he really is. That's who you need to reach for now. Assuming he's not so damaged that it's already too late? That's the only chance he has."