New Chapter! Sorry it took me a little longer to post it! I had a busy weekend/week and it ended up taking me longer to edit the chapter than anticipated _. But it's here now and I hope you enjoy!


Chapter 6: Regrets

"Lord Hokage!"

"Hmm?" Hashirama answered as he looked up from the paperwork he had barely made a dent in for the past couple of hours. A shinobi had just rushed into his office to report to him.

"We've tried summoning Madara as you asked, but he is nowhere to be found."

"What?!" Hashirama immediately shot up out of his seat, his heart sinking inside his chest. What does he mean nowhere to be found? "What do you mean?"

The shinobi cleared his throat before proceeding, "We've searched all over the village, but no luck. No one knows where he is."

What? Huh? Nowhere to be found? Did he… leave the village? Suddenly, Hashirama could feel his vision slightly blur and a wave of heat rushed through his body as panic settled in. He didn't want to believe that Madara left. His mind raced with a million questions as the blood rushing through his ears roared. Hashirama could feel tightness build up in his throat before he could say the next thing. He locked eyes with the shinobi. Making sure to maintain a serious, unwavering tone in his voice, he finally asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yes sir—"

Before he knew it, Hashirama was already out the door. He zoomed down the hallways, his mind filled with nothing else and no one else but Madara. This can't be. Madara said he wouldn't leave him. Hashirama was so focused on his thoughts that he barely noticed Tobirama walk by.

Tobirama quirked an eyebrow as he saw his brother quickly approaching him. He could easily tell that Hashirama was alarmed about something just by his demeanor and the way he failed to make eye contact.

"Brother, where are you—?"

Hashirama quickly ran past Tobirama, too panicked to address him. Near-sprinting out of the building, he skidded to a stop and briefly scanned the area around him. His head snapped from left to right repeatedly, hoping that Madara would pop up somewhere. But all he saw were buildings, trees, and villagers who weren't Madara. Hashirama nervously ran his hand through his hair and let out an anxious sigh.

This can't be.

He took off into the bustling streets of the village, stopping by every single building he laid eyes on. Repeatedly, he would enter a building, ask about Madara, and immediately leave if he didn't receive the answer he was looking for. This happened over and over again, only exacerbating the heaviness Hashirama felt in his chest.

No.

Hashirama soon found himself going from door to door at the villagers' homes. Now, imagine the villagers' surprise to see a panicked Hokage make a random appearance at their doorstep. As soon as they opened the door, Hashirama would ask if they had seen Madara, but time and time again, the answer wouldn't be what he was hoping for.

This can't be.

Hurriedly making his way into the forest area of the village, Hashirama weaved around trees and ran through bushes in search of Madara. Maybe he had gone on a walk? Hashirama briefly stopped at the nostalgic river, where Hashirama and Madara had skipped rocks a few evenings ago. Nothing.

Where are you?

Hashirama finally searched the Uchiha district, repeatedly stopping Madara's fellow clansmen to see if they knew Madara's whereabouts. But still, nothing. However, Hashirama did notice something seemed off with them. Every time he mentioned Madara's name, they didn't seem too keen about talking about him, nor were they interested in where he was or what he was doing. What could have happened between Madara and the rest of his clan? Was everything Mito said really true? Did they really fear that Madara would lead them down a path of more conflict? Hashirama wasn't sure what exactly was going on, and he didn't want to make any assumptions until he spoke with Madara directly about it. But right now, he was only focused on one thing and one thing only: to find Madara.

Please.

Once Hashirama singled out all the Uchiha he could find, he made his way to Madara's home. He stood in front of the door and knocked, but there was no answer. Wanting so badly to let himself in, Hashirama opted to see if he could sense Madara inside. Nothing. Hashirama sucked his teeth in frustration. Where could he possibly be?

Madara…

Hashirama finally ran to the front of the village, where the main Konoha entrance gate was. Ah, he was avoiding this place. Rushing up to the two gate guards, Hashirama asked, "Have you seen Madara? Did he leave through these gates?" His words escaped his lips quickly, conveying a sense of urgency the two guards caught on to.

The two guys looked at each other as they recalled all the people who had left the village within the past couple of days.

"Hmm… We don't recall Madara leaving the village," one guard finally said. He was a young male, with short shaggy ginger hair, and green eyes. His name was Aoki Yamanaka. His partner, Haruto Izuno, who had short curly dark green hair and light brown eyes, nodded in agreement.

"At all? No one that looked like him? How about any Uchiha members? Have any of them left within the past few days?" Hashirama hit them with a barrage of questions, hoping that nothing was overlooked.

Aoki and Haruto looked at each other once again.

"Mmm, perhaps…" Aoki said with uncertainty. "One moment." He pulled out a small book from his pocket and started flipping through the pages. The two used this book to keep track of people who entered and exited the village. Haruto looked over Aoki's shoulder to take a look as well. They mumbled to each other as they scanned the pages together.

As Hashirama waited for a response, his breath slowly grew heavy as the pressure in his chest intensified. Subconsciously taking a few steps back, Hashirama clutched his chest and started panting as his mind raced with the possibility that Madara had left him—that he lost someone he loved. Hashirama's heart rate increased and his mind slowly grew hazy; his breathing growing more labored as he grasped at the fabric covering his chest. A tingling sensation traveled down his fingers and Hashirama could feel his knees grow weak.

It was all too much… He felt like he couldn't breathe. Soon enough, it was like the world around him was closing in. He grew tunnel vision, and a dense fog clouded Hashirama's mind. It was all too much. It was all too

"Lord Hokage?"

Suddenly, Hashirama felt himself get pulled back into reality, and his surroundings were clear to him. He looked up to meet Aoki's gaze, who was looking at him with concern.

"Hmm?" Hashirama hummed in response, trying his best to mask the internal panic that ravaged his body.

Aoki then shook his head. "There's no record of Madara Uchiha, or any other Uchiha members, leaving the village within the past few days."

"I see," Hashirama responded, trying desperately to steady his breath. "Thank you."

Hashirama's legs felt like heavy lead as he tried to take his first step away from the two men. For a moment, he swayed, taking a few unplanned steps to regain his balance. Aoki and Haruto reflexively ran to Hashirama's side.

"L-Lord Hokage, are you okay? You look unwell," Haruto said.

Hashirama quickly held his hand out to signal that he didn't need assistance. He plastered a fake smile on his face and forced a laugh.

"O-Of course! Sorry, I just felt a little dizzy." Hashirama cleared his throat, which still felt overwhelmingly tight. He didn't want the men to worry about their Hokage. He placed his hands on each of their shoulders and added, "Aoki, Haruto! Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Thank you for the information. You both are doing great, keep up the good work." Hashirama then flashed his usual charming smile to ease any of their suspicions.

"Yes sir!" Aoki and Haruto returned a smile and bowed, feeling pleased that their Hokage complimented them.

Hashirama silently waved and steadily walked toward the heart of the village, leaving the two guards behind to get back to their duties. He soon found a nearby bench to finally collapse on. His mind was still quite muddled, and he took deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. The pressure in his chest was still immense, but that was starting to subside as he deeply inhaled and exhaled.

Hashirama leaned back against the bench and looked towards the sky to try and clear his mind.

"So they didn't see Madara leave the village, huh?" Hashirama thought to himself. Though it should have given him a sense of comfort, Hashirama's nerves still weren't at ease. Madara was skilled enough to evade the gate guards if he really wanted to, so it wouldn't be a surprise if they had no record of him leaving. Hashirama then leaned forward and nervously bit the nail of his thumb, deep in thought. Why would he… Hashirama shook the thought out of his head. He didn't want to believe Madara left. Maybe he was still somewhere here and just missed him. Maybe he just needs to try harder to find him.

As Hashirama closed his eyes, unique markings slowly appeared across his face, signifying that he had activated his sage mode. Sage mode helped him become one with nature, and better sense the chakra of everyone and everything within the village and in close proximity to the village. He slid off the bench and crouched down, placing his palm on the ground. Slipping into a deep concentration, Hashirama focused on the environment around him.

Then finally, he could feel it—the warm, familiar feeling of his chakra. At that moment, Hashirama could feel his stomach flip. He quickly stood up and ran eagerly towards that warm, familiar feeling.


Madara slowly woke up from his slumber in the secret room under the Naka shrine where the Uchiha Stone Tablet was. Propping his body up off the cold, hard floors into a seated position, Madara groaned from the ache that radiated down his back. He figured he must've fallen asleep while ruminating on his ultimate plan. This has actually been happening a lot lately. For the past couple of days, ever since his walk with Hashirama that night, Madara had been spending more time in this secret room. The reason being, he could feel his resolve wavering, and thus needed to immerse himself in the content of the tablet to remind him what his purpose was—to remind him that true peace can only be achieved through the Infinite Tsukuyomi, and he was the savior who will cast it.

Now, what he really needed were Hashirama's cells, but he wasn't sure how to go about getting them. He could demand to spar and get a chunk of it mid-fight? Or he could simply just… ask. Hashirama was probably dumb and naive enough to give some to him, no questions asked. A smirk spread across Madara's face. And once he gets those cells, he can start springing his plan into action.

Madara slowly began to chuckle, before it was abruptly interrupted by a series of coughs.

"God, this room is stuffy," Madara thought as he sniffled. He stood up and stretched to relieve the discomfort in his back, letting out another groan. "This can't be good for my back." Madara slowly made his way to the door. "I wonder what time it is." The hours and days blended together while he was in there. There were no windows or clocks to indicate the time. He might not even know what day it is because sometimes he also happens to spend the night there as well.

As Madara exited the shrine, the light of the blazing sun's rays instantly hit his eyes, causing him to bring his gloved hands up to his face to shield himself. Judging from the sun's location, evening was approaching and the sun was about to set.

He slowly walked down the creaky stairs of the shrine and shoved his gloved hands into his pockets, keeping his head tilted down. While he walked through the streets of the Uchiha district, an Uchiha came up to him. Oh, that was surprising. These days, his clansmen usually don't speak with him, especially ever since Madara stepped down as their leader.

"L-Lord Madara? Lord Hokage is looking for you."

Madara frowned. Again? Jeez, that man was so damn persistent. Despite Madara's love for Hashirama, he still hated how much attention he's been receiving from him lately. It was like samples… getting a small taste of something you know you can't have. He figured he can never have Hashirama, so all this sudden attention just felt like… torture. Yet he couldn't help but indulge in those samples every… single… time. How frustrating. And it's worse now that he needs to harden his resolve in order to leave the village.

Madara walked past the Uchiha without giving him a response. As he slowly treaded the village, he found himself arriving at a familiar place—atop the rocky mountain with the Hokage's head sculpted onto it. He reached the edge of the mountain and paused, feeling the cool breeze brush against his skin. His hair flowed in the wind as he overlooked the village—the village he created with Hashirama. He sat down and took in the sight. It had developed quite a bit since they first found it. Oh, how time flies.

A green leaf with a hole in the middle slowly fell in front of Madara, swaying side to side until it gently landed in his lap. He grinned at the nostalgia the leaf triggered for him. Gently picking up the leaf, Madara brought it to his eye and peered at Konoha through its hole. Building Konoha was a dream Hashirama and Madara harbored together. To think they were actually able to follow through with it. Madara could feel his small grin slowly fade as he thought about how their dreams were all for naught, and that he'd be leaving all of this behind.

As he focused on the village, Madara could hear footsteps quickly approaching. Still looking through the hole in the leaf, he turned around to see Hashirama run up. Oh, great.

"MADARA!"

"Hmm?" Madara calmly responded he brought the leaf down from his face.

Hashirama doubled over, his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath after running full speed to find him while fending off the effects of his internal panic.

Madara quirked an eyebrow. "Why do you look like you just ran across the earth ten times?"

Hashirama ignored Madara's witty remark as he tried calming himself down.

Madara then added, "I heard you were looking for me?"

"Yes… You… scared… the shit out of me," Hashirama forced out between his heavy breaths.

Madara turned back around to face the village. "Why? Did you think I was dead?" Madara asked as he twirled the stem of the leaf between his gloved fingertips.

Hashirama took one last deep inhale and slowly exhaled. He walked up to Madara's side and mumbled, "Worse, I thought you willingly left me…"

"Oh? I didn't think there was anything worse than death," Madara retorted. Wait, what did Hashirama mean by that? Madara turned to Hashirama and said, "Wait, what—"

"Where have you been?" Hashirama blurted, his voice etched with a mix of concern, demand, and relief.

Madara could feel his eye twitch. "What do you mean where have I been? Is that any of your business?"

Hashirama sat down next to Madara and pouted. "It is my business. I was looking all over for you!"

"Well, you found me," Madara retorted.

"Hmph." Hashirama crossed his arms and turned his head away from Madara in mild frustration. Madara had no idea about the emotional turmoil he had just put him through. How could he react so insensitively?

Madara silently judged Hashirama's dramatic actions. "Why is he acting like an overprotective lover?" he thought. Madara sighed. "Why were you looking for me anyway?"

Hashirama flinched. "No reason…"

Madara narrowed his eyes and glanced at Hashirama. "So, you scoured the entire village and ran up here like I was on my deathbed for no reason?"

Hashirama pouted. "Well… I just wanted to see you. The day is almost over and… I said I'd see you today. So, I wanted to fulfill that."

"Oh? So you're acting like an overprotective lover because you just wanted to see me?"

"W-Wha—?! Overprotective lover? I am not acting like that!" Hashirama stammered as his cheeks grew warm.

Madara smirked and waved the leaf in his hand in Hashirama's direction in a teasing manner. "Yes, overprotective love—"

"No, I'm not," Hashirama interrupted. He then turned away in embarrassment. "And for the record, I consider myself to be an appropriately protective lover."

"Hmm? Maybe I should ask Mito what her thoughts are."

"Go ahead, she'd disagree with you." Hashirama pouted.

Madara briefly chuckled before turning his gaze back toward the village and retreating into his thoughts. "Wanted to fulfill that, huh?" Madara didn't want to admit that it made him a little happy knowing Hashirama would go to such lengths to see him. But his feelings were more complicated than that because again, this attention felt like samples—he knew he could never truly have Hashirama and it killed him. But he shouldn't waste energy thinking about all this anyway. He had a plan to set into action. A plan that required him to leave the village. Ah yes, his plan. His newfound hope.

Hashirama slowly lowered his gaze to the leaf in Madara's hand and smiled.

"That leaf."

"Hmm? What about it?" Madara asked.

"It has a hole in it." Hashirama's smile grew wider, "That sure does bring back memories, huh?"

Madara raised the leaf in front of his face. "Doesn't it?"

Hashirama and Madara started conversing about when they first found Konoha, reminiscing on the childhood conversations that led them there. They then ventured into topics on current village affairs, however Madara was already slowly detaching himself from it all and was less engaged. As Hashirama talked with Madara, he could feel his anxiety finally begin to dissipate. Madara was right there, beside him, in the flesh, where he wanted him to be. He didn't leave the village. He didn't leave him. However, he couldn't help but notice something seemed… different about Madara. He was smiling more than usual, but it felt… off.

"You've seemed… happier," Hashirama pointed out, though he wasn't sure 'happier' was the right word.

Madara smirked. "I think I finally found the answer."

"Found the answer to what?"

"True peace," Madara declared. A sudden gust of wind wooshed against the two men, strong enough to blow the leaf out of Madara's grasp and into the open air. His smile slowly grew wider before he burst into a chuckle, bringing his gloved hand to his face.

This made Hashirama uncomfortable. It wasn't Madara's usual, warm smile or his light-hearted, infectious laugh. It wasn't the laugh that graced his ears when he talked about his brothers and his valuable memories a few nights ago. This, this, was almost menacing, and he didn't have a great feeling about it. Hashirama hated to admit it, but Mito might've been on to something.

Hashirama swallowed back the lump in his throat and asked, "What's the answer, Madara?"

"You'll find out in due time." Madara didn't want to tell Hashirama just yet.

"Well… whatever it is, is it really the answer?" Hashirama questioned, his voice filled with worry.

Madara glanced at Hashirama, and immediately brought his hands to his face to shield him from the blinding sunlight. The sun was setting, and glowed right behind Hashirama, kissing his beautiful tanned skin. Madara clicked his tongue and faced forward once again, refusing to allow himself to get sucked into Hashirama's beauty. He hated the effect that Hashirama had on him.

"It is," Madara answered flatly. But Hashirama wouldn't understand that anyway, not with the life he's achieved. He's oblivious, naive. He doesn't realize that humans will probably never change and that the path they're going on probably won't bring true peace. But Madara was growing confident, his resolve solidifying. The Infinite Tsukuyomi was his last hope. He was the savior. He will bring true peace to this world and none of his troubles will matter anymore, none of the Uchiha clan's troubles, and none of the world's troubles.

Hashirama carefully eyed Madara. He could sense his friend's soul slowly slipping into the darkness Madara wouldn't open up to him about.

He watched as the evening breeze gently hit Madara, blowing his long black locks out of his face. Butterflies stirred in Hashirama's stomach at the sight—the way the sunlight bathed Madara's fair skin in a warm glow and cast glimmers in his deep, dark eyes. His pink lips appeared soft and inviting, and his collar shifted in the wind, allowing Hashirama a peak at Madara's exposed neck.

It was very, very clear to Hashirama that these feelings toward Madara were way more than just platonic. He wanted to lead Madara out of this questionable path he was going down. The scare he had earlier when he thought Madara left? Awful. He never anticipated that the possibility of Madara leaving would trigger such a visceral reaction in him. Hashirama couldn't even imagine how he'd react if Madara really left. What would he do? Would he go on an endless search to find him? Would he fall into a deep depression? Would he grow so numb that he couldn't even move? Regardless, Hashirama knew it would've felt much worse than what he felt earlier before he found Madara.

Truth is, Hashirama wanted to keep seeing Madara every day. He wanted to be with him and lay by his side at night. He wanted to keep sharing meals, keep conversing, and keep laughing at silly jokes. He wanted to keep engaging in playful banter. He wanted to cradle him in his arms and listen to his thoughts and problems. He wanted to feel his touch, explore his body, hear his moans, and make love to him.

Hashirama loved Madara, and the thought of Madara giving in to his despair, descending into darkness, and disappearing, hurt Hashirama deeply.

Hashirama finally got out of his head and responded, "I… I think we can achieve true peace if we keep working together."

No response.

Madara just kept staring straight ahead, responding in his head. "No, we can't. See? Naïve. Idealistic. It's hopeless," Madara thought.

Hashirama waited for a response from Madara, but it seemed like he wasn't going to get one. He just wished Madara would let him in. He wished he would just open up, let him help, and work with him. Hashirama wanted to keep pursuing their goals together, to stay by each other's side. Hashirama would do anything for Madara because…

He loved him.

"Madara…"

"Hmm?"

Before Hashirama could say anything, he found himself withdrawing back into his thoughts. What if things were different between him and Madara? What if he paid attention to his personal feelings earlier? What if he was able to catch this uneasy feeling he was getting from Madara earlier?

"What?" Madara asked, a little annoyed at the fact that Hashirama didn't answer him the first time around.

"…Do you have any regrets?" Hashirama finally asked.

"Regrets? Of course, I do. Who doesn't have them?"

Hashirama hummed in response because he had regrets himself. And part of those regrets had to do with Madara. He wished he had fully recognized these feelings much, much earlier… Hashirama then asked, "…If given the opportunity to act on those regrets, would you?"

"If there was a way to bring Izuna back, I wouldn't hesitate to."

Hashirama glanced at Madara. "Time travel?"

"That's one way of doing it, yes."

Hashirama grinned. "Do you think that's possible?"

"Probably," Madara said bluntly.

Hashirama softly chuckled, which was probably inappropriate because Madara's demeanor didn't change. He was being dead serious, and Hashirama almost felt bad for laughing.

Madara grew slightly irritated at Hashirama's reaction. Of course, he wouldn't understand. He still had Tobirama after all. Now, did he really believe time travel was possible? There's probably some special ninja creating some space-time jutsu out there that permits time travel. And Madara wouldn't hesitate to use it if he ever got his hands on it.

Hyperaware of the situation, Hashirama tried to lighten up the mood. "If I could time travel… I would go back to the first time I met you."

Madara raised an eyebrow. "That's a waste…" he responded. Then without thinking, Madara let the next few words slip out of his mouth. "If I could time travel, I would go back to stop your brother from killing mine."

Hashirama could sense a hint of hostility in Madara's voice. Izuna's death was always a sensitive topic, and it didn't help that it was caused by his own brother, Tobirama.

"If I could time travel… I would also stop my brother from killing yours," Hashirama responded softly.

No response.

"Madara, I'm sorr—"

"If I could time travel… I would go back to when you pulled that ghost joke on me when we were kids and throw you into the river like you deserved."

Hashirama could tell Madara was trying to shift the subject. Madara didn't like getting sentimental after all, so Hashirama went along with it for now.

"If I could time travel, I would do it again," Hashirama said with a teasing smile.

"You bastard." Madara turned to Hashirama. "If I could time travel, I'd train my hawks to attack you."

"If I could time travel, I'd go back and watch those hawks attack you again."

"If I could time travel, I'd call those hawks again just so they can shit in your hair again."

"If I could time travel…" Hashirama's facial expression softened. "…I'd go back to when we first started creating Konoha and keep you closer…"

"If I c—" Madara couldn't finish his sentence. He wasn't expecting that from Hashirama. What was that supposed to mean?

Hashirama added, "If I could time travel, I wouldn't take you for granted."

"If I…"

"If I could time travel, I'd pay more attention to how you were really feeling and help you."

"…"

Hashirama edged closer towards Madara, now committed to prying out whatever Madara was hiding. He could tell Madara wasn't okay at all, and just wanted him to open up. "Madara… talk to me. What's going on?"

"There's nothing going on."

"You're lying to me. Madara, I know you."

"Oh, do you? Do you really?"

"Things might've changed, but that doesn't mean I don't still know you. What I do know is that you're changing… I rarely see your usual, genuine smile these days. You're more closed off than usual. Your voice, I just… I can hear the sadness in it sometimes… You disappear for long periods of time. You tried to give away your precious books. Oh! You stepped down as the head of the Uchiha clan! Why didn't you tell me about that?"

Madara turned to avoid eye contact and mumbled, "Again, with the damn books."

"It's not about the books, Madara."

Madara didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to get into it. It's too late. Whatever he was going through didn't matter and talking about it won't change anything. He's already made his decision, and he's leaving everything else behind. He has to. He believed nothing good would come out of staying in Konoha. Peace will never be achieved. He'll probably never fit in. His clan has already betrayed him. He'll probably never have Hashirama. He'll never be able to escape his dark fate. It was hopeless. But what wasn't hopeless was the Infinite Tsukuyomi; that's his newfound purpose.

Irritated, Madara stood up to take his leave, but Hashirama quickly shot up in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.

Hashirama continued, "It's about you, and how I can see that something is eating you up inside. And if you just let me—"

"Drop it, Hashirama," Madara grumbled as he tried to walk away, but Hashirama immediately stepped to the side to block Madara's path once again.

"Why? Why do you keep doing this?"

"I said, drop it!" Madara snapped.

"I'm not going to drop it. Not until you tell me what's going on. Talk to me. Why did you step down as the leader of the Uchiha clan?"

Madara softly exhaled and clenched his jaw. He could feel his blood start to boil at Hashirama's insistence. He responded, "It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does."

"Does it affect you?"

"In a way… yes." To Hashirama, the fact that Madara stepped down as leader, in addition to attempting to give away his precious books, makes it seem like he's withdrawing. This worried him, and he definitely didn't want Madara slipping away.

"Well, well, my apologies. I'm sure the new leader they choose will cause no trouble. Don't worry," Madara said dryly as he attempted to walk away.

"That's not what I meant," Hashirama said as he blocked Madara's path for the third time.

Madara let out a deep sigh. "Hashirama, please, leave me alone."

"I'm not going to." Hashirama then thought to himself, "I'm not giving up on you, Madara."

Madara brought his gloved hands to his temples and started rubbing them. God, Hashirama was getting very irritating. "I can't do this right now, Hashirama."

"Look… I know you no longer have Izuna here with you—"

"Don't bring Izuna into this," Madara snapped.

"I'm sorry. It's just… I can be here for you. And if you just… open up to me, I can help fix your problems."

Madara's eyes narrowed, his voice harsh, "Are you so arrogant that you think you can fix all my problems?"

"O-Of course not, but—"

"Do you really think you can just make everything okay?!" Madara slowly raised his voice, succumbing to the heat of his emotions.

"No! But I know I can try. And I'll try, and try, and keep trying. I can, and will, do my very best to listen to you and address what's bothering you because I care about you, Madara. I don't want you to suffer alone in silence. I'm worried… and I want to do everything in my power to be there for you because I..." Hashirama's voice trailed off. He then continued in his head, unable to say the rest out loud, "…love you."

Madara could feel himself melt as he stared into Hashirama's longing eyes. At that moment, he could feel his walls slowly start to crumble despite his long battle to keep them up. His chest fluttered, and his cheeks reddened as he processed the unexpected words that came out of Hashirama's mouth. Slowly, his tense shoulders relaxed, his eyelids slightly drooped, and the tension in his furrowed eyebrows eased.

Madara didn't know what to think. He didn't like that suddenly his mind was muddled. Madara felt that it was unfair for Hashirama to say those words to him, because, really, what would come out of opening up to Hashirama about his struggles and putting that burden on him? What could Hashirama really do for him? Why now, when he's made up his mind to leave? Why now, when he's reached a point of no return? Madara felt like he was beyond saving. Nothing good lasted for him, the loved ones who cared about him were dead, and Madara felt that Hashirama was beyond his reach. All these moments they've been sharing together these days were just samples…

Yet, here Madara was, fighting back the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach. It wasn't fair that Hashirama had this effect on him. It wasn't fair that Hashirama still tugged at his heart. A man who was more than he was. A man he could never have. A man whose light was too bright for him, not meant for him and his dark fate.

Madara shifted his gaze to the side, breaking eye contact with Hashirama. "Fucking damn it," he whispered.

Hashirama noticed Madara's slowly changing demeanor—no longer anger, but… sadness? Submission? Indecision? What was it? He kept his gaze locked on Madara, who was now looking away from him. He looked so… vulnerable.

Hashirama had the strong urge to pull Madara towards him, caress his cheek, kiss him, wrap him in a warm embrace, and reassure him that everything would be okay. Before he knew it, he slowly started lifting his hand up from beside him, his heart pounding against his chest.

"Don't you have a wife to go home to? It's getting late," Madara said.

Hashirama immediately froze. That's right, he does. Mito. It seems Madara didn't notice Hashirama's movement. Hashirama silently brought his hand back down and softly sighed.

Madara didn't want to be in Hashirama's presence anymore. He just needed to get out of there. He started walking away, dragging his feet along the rocky surface.

Hashirama turned as he watched Madara take his leave. He wished he was able to get Madara to open up this evening, but he felt like he was at least getting somewhere. And that was okay for now. Soon, he'll press him enough to get answers. Soon, he'll succeed. Soon, he'll force his way into Madara's heart. So this was okay for now.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Hashirama asked.

Madara didn't respond.

Suddenly, Hashirama appeared in front of Madara, but that didn't seem to faze him.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Hashirama asked again. He was getting an answer, whether Madara liked it or not. However, Madara simply walked around him and kept going. Hashirama shifted to face Madara.

"Madara."

No response.

Hashirama then grabbed Madara's wrist, catching him by surprise.

"Hashira—!"

He pulled Madara towards him, causing their bodies to clash before a small space was created, their faces just inches apart. Hashirama longingly gazed down into Madara's eyes, briefly glancing down at his tempting lips before re-establishing eye contact.

"I'll see you… tomorrow?" Hashirama softly whispered.

Madara could feel his cheeks flush and his heart began to race. He was so close.

"F-fine!"

Madara yanked his wrist out of Hashirama's grasp and created more distance between them. Rubbing his wrist, he mumbled, "I'll be around…"

Curse Hashirama. Besides, what is Hashirama going to do? Madara felt that as long as he told him what he wanted to hear, he'd leave him alone. If he wanted to, he could leave the village whenever despite whatever he tells Hashirama. But why hasn't he? All this time… why hasn't he?

Hashirama noticed Madara rubbing at his wrist. "S-sorry, did I hurt your wrist?"

"N-No!" Madara remarked. "You just caught me by surprise. Who do you think I am anyway? Don't start mistaking me for these regular shinobi, Hashirama."

Hashirama softly chuckled. "Of course not. No one else is more fitting of being my rival after all. Regardless, next time I'll be gentle."

Madara's face grew slightly flushed. Next time? "Y-You will do no such thing!"

Madara immediately turned around and started walking off. However, he could hear soft chuckles coming from Hashirama's direction. He looked back at Hashirama and said, "What?"

Scratching his head with a smile, Hashirama responded, "Nothing, sorry, I'm just… happy. You really scared me earlier so I'm just glad you're still here." He then dropped his hand back to his side as his smile grew wider, "And hearing that you'll still be around makes me happier… I'll take your word for it."

Madara's eyes widened as he took in Hashirama's words. He's such a trusting, optimistic bastard. How has someone not taken advantage of him by now? Madara couldn't understand how Hashirama could trust his words.

Hashirama slowly backed toward the edge of the cliff and waved goodbye before letting himself fall out of sight, leaving nothing but the setting sun in Madara's field of vision.

"Hmph. I'll take your word for it," Madara mocked. He then felt the urge to check if Hashirama was still there. Silently hoping, Madara walked to the edge and peered over, only to see Hashirama was really gone. He felt a sinking feeling in his chest at the thought of his absence. Madara sighed and sat down, ruminating on his feelings.

"Curse you, Hashirama. Saying you'll take my word for it. I could be lying, you idiot… I've already made up my mind. But why? What is it? Why can't I leave? Why haven't I gotten his cells yet and left? Why? When I've found my purpose? My resolve? Why?"


Hashirama slowly made his way home. He was exhausted and deep in thought about his time with Madara earlier. As he recalled their conversations, he couldn't help but think about a specific moment with Madara—when Madara's face softened, and his voice changed, as if, just for a brief moment, he was letting his guard down and showing Hashirama his true emotions. He felt so close, so close to entering his heart.

And then Hashirama couldn't help but think about the moment he acted before thinking and pulled Madara close. Madara's lips were… so close and so tempting. Hashirama wanted to steal a kiss so badly. He brought his palm to his face and bit his lip as he fought back his sensual thoughts.

Hashirama finally made it home and entered, catching a glimpse of Mito in the kitchen. It looked like she had just finished cooking.

Mito turned around at the sound of the opening door and smiled. "Welcome home! Dinner?"

Hashirama flashed a half smile, riddled with the guilt of his complicated feelings. He didn't have much of an appetite and wanted to end the day quickly so he didn't have to face extreme guilt while interacting with Mito. He responded, "I'm sorry, Mito. I'm not really hungry. I think I'll shower and go to bed."

Mito's smile slowly faded, a little bummed that Hashirama wasn't in the mood to eat a special meal she made for him. "Okay… I'll just pack this up and you can eat it tomorrow. How was your day?"

"It was… good… tiring," Hashirama responded as he walked to the bathroom. He could barely stomach continuing the conversation with his wife knowing his mind had been filled with all different kinds of thoughts about Madara these days. He locked himself inside the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror.

Gripping the side of the sink, Hashirama thought, "What do I do?" Hashirama grabbed his toothbrush and began brushing his teeth, repeating the same question in his head over and over again. Once done, he undressed and hopped into the shower. As he let the hot water run down his body, Hashirama ran in circles in his mind. "I love Mito, I do. But I also love Madara. This isn't fair to her. She doesn't deserve this. But I can't help how I feel… I thought this feeling would go away… but it's only getting stronger… What do I do? What do I do? Why has it come to this?"

Hashirama rested his head against the shower wall and sighed deeply. After finishing his shower, he got out, dried himself, and slipped his boxers on. He made his way to the bedroom, where Mito already was. She was lying in bed in their lamp-lit room. Hashirama quietly slipped into bed next to Mito and planted a gentle kiss on her cheek, whispering, "Good night."

He reached over to turn off the lamp before fully settling in bed. The room was silent and dark, with a faint glow from the moon and distant streetlamps filtering through the windows. Hashirama slowly closed his eyes in hopes that he could fall asleep soon, but he could feel Mito shift beside him. Crap. Soon, he felt her lips against his neck, and her leg wrapped around his.

Hashirama could feel his heart sink inside his chest. He was hoping Mito wouldn't initiate sex tonight. It was getting harder and harder for him to be intimate with Mito. It's not that he wasn't attracted to her. She's a very attractive woman and has always been beautiful to Hashirma. But the guilt was slowly eating him alive. He didn't like denying Mito. She was his wife after all, and he always wanted to attend to her sexual needs. But tonight, he couldn't. Not when his feelings for Madara were getting clearer to him now.

"M-Mito… I'm sorry, I'm really tired tonight."

"Mmm," Mito moaned as she brushed her lips against his jawline.

As soon as Hashirama turned his head to speak further, Mito stole a kiss. Hashirama initially hesitated but finally gave in. Mito brushed her hand across Hashirama's chest and pulled him closer.

Hashirama soon broke the kiss and whispered, "Mito, I can't tonight, I'm sorry…"

"I should tell her," Hashirama thought to himself.

"Mmm, but I want you…" Mito whispered as she slowly snaked her hand down to the band of Hashirama's boxers. "We haven't done it in so long…"

Hashirama gently grabbed Mito's hand and brought it to his lips, planting a soft kiss. "I can't do this to her," he thought. Hashirama then gave Mito another kiss and said, "Next time."

"Promise?"

As much as he wanted to, Hashirama couldn't promise. He couldn't promise that these feelings for Madara would go away.

"…Next time we can."

Mito propped herself up on her elbow and locked eyes with Hashirama. Her eyebrows furrowed as she scanned Hashirama's face as if looking for the hidden meaning behind his words.

"Promise me," Mito said, now with more assertion.

"I…" But Hashirama couldn't promise. He just couldn't. He continued, "...can't promise that I won't be really tired next time…"

Mito's eyes slightly narrowed. She didn't appreciate Hashirama avoiding a promise. Was he hiding something? Mito opened her mouth to speak but decided not to say anything. She laid her head down on his chest and closed her eyes, dissatisfied but still glad her husband was here in bed with her.

Looking up toward the ceiling, Hashirama frowned. Mito didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve a husband who loved someone else. She didn't deserve a husband who struggled to keep the thought of someone else out of his head. She was kind, caring, beautiful, loyal. She didn't deserve any of this at all.

Hashirama sighed and reached over to turn on the lamp that sat on their nearby nightstand. He slowly sat up, causing Mito to move her head over to her pillow. For a moment, Hashirama sat in silence, working up the courage to say something. He let out a slow exhale and turned to Mito.

"Mito?"

"Hmm?"

"…Can we talk?"


Thanks for reading! Tune in for the next chapter! ^_^