Chapter 22

Lucifer Magne I, King of Hell and all of its realms.

The Enemy.

The Adversary.

The Persecutor.

The Fallen Tyrant.

He who was Insurrection.

He who was Spite.

He who, with one action, both gifted humankind with knowledge and free will...and in the process introduced Evil into creation, cleaving it asunder.

Hell may have existed before him (that's at least what the stories that the Hellborn share say), but His condemnation and Fall into the abyss completely remade it from top to bottom. New territories were made. New principalities. New leaders made up of those who had joined Lucifer in his rebellion and fell with him.

Leaders which turned the original inhabitants of Hell into second class citizens eons ago. Long before Lucius, or Viola, or Fyewackett, or even Chairman Grizelle herself were even born.

...and Chay had just face-planted right in front of him. For the second time in her afterlife, she had embarrassed herself in front of a royal.

She slowly pulled herself up off the ground, brushing off her sweater as she did. The entire time, she could feel Lucifer's eyes on her.

Watching her.

Accessing her.

Now standing, she wiped her hair away from her face and looked the King of Hell dead in the face.

She had seen the pictures before, the paintings and statues...there was even one of the entire clan in the very lobby she was now standing in. Lucifer's face was impossible to escape in the Pride circle, and if it wasn't on the face of the money they used, it was standing proudly in a pose carved from stone or a mural painted on the side of a building (if it hadn't been completely covered in graffiti). There had even been the ceiling painting she'd seen back in that abandoned chamber in Imp City.

Point being: she knew what Lucifer looked like. Blonde slick hair, with white skin and rosy cheeks, huge toothy smile and painted eyelids over his yellow golden eyes. He was dressed in a menagerie of white and red, with a white collared and tailed jacket over a red-and-white waistcoat covered in red and gold epauletes. His trousers were also white, ending with a pair of high-heeled black boots. He wore a wedding ring over his black (gloved?) hand, and in his other hand was his signature apple-topped cane. On his head, he wore his famous tophat crown, which was encircled with a golden snake and apple.

The resemblance to Charlie was obvious...and striking.

Speaking of which…

"Oh my gosh!", she said as she rushed up to her. "Are you OK, Chay? That was a nasty fall!"

"Y-yeah…", Chay answered. "I'm fine. You might want to have Niffty take a look at those stairs, though."

"My fault for the overuse of mahogany, I guess.", Lucifer said. "I just...really love the way it looks, you know?"

Chay could only stare at the diminutive king.

-What am I supposed to do here? Bow? Curtsy?

Honestly, the fact that she could stand and think at all was in itself a miracle. Lucifer's presence, his aura, was downright overwhelming. Even just standing there, she felt an immense pressure on his chest, like a bubble that was slowly pressing her out of the room. Even his hair seemed brighter than the sun.

Were it not for Charlie's presence, she probably wouldn't have been able to remain in the building, let alone the lobby.

-...Wait, why the fuck do I care what I do for this fucking piece of aristocratic scum?!

This was Lucifer! The goddamn despot of all Hell! This place is a miserable fucking cesspool because of him! Were it not for his wreckless fucking stupidity…

It was at this point that Chay realized that she had been staring at Lucifer for what was now going on a minute and a half.

Prolonged eye contact, without a single word.

"...Something wrong?", Lucifer asked awkwardly. "Is there something in my teeth? There's something in my teeth, isn't there?" The King immediately began digging around in his mouth, trying to identify any stray plaque. "Dammit Charlie, you know you gotta tell me these things when you're mother isn't around…"

"You did just eat your weight in beignets, dad.", Charlie answered.

"...I did, didn't I?", he replied as he slowly pulled his hand out of his mouth. "That is extremely embarrassing."

Lucifer slowly walked up to Chay, curiously eyeing the Sinner.

"So, I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say: you must be Chay."

He held out his hand. "Wonderful to meet you. Sorry about...you know, making fun of you a minute ago."

"Uh…".

Chay slowly raised up her hands. "I'm...not too comfortable with that, Your Majesty."

Charlie raised an eyebrow.

Lucifer simply shrugged. "Ah, not into the handshake thing. Totally understandable. Gross custom, if you ask me. Never been a fan of it myself. Germs and such, right? Blech! Heh heh...huh...".

Lucifer's eyes darted hither and thither, trying desperately to pretend he was not examining Chay curiously.

It didn't work.

"Can I...help you or…?"

"Whuzzat?", Lucifer answered bashfully. "Oh, no! Nothing at all. Just...trying to not embarrass myself. You are a very curious looking Sinner, you know that?"

"Quite!", Alastor's staticy voice answered him from near by. "I find her endlessly fascinating!"

"Didn't ask you opinion, Mardis Gras boy.", Lucifer spat back. "As I was saying: you are truly one in a trillion. But hey!, don't let me ruin your morning. We got a big day today, so enjoy it while you can."

He turned to his daughter. "Charlie, sweety? Walk with me, talk with me."

Lucifer grabbed his daughter's hand as he unceremoniously dragged her across the room, Vaggie following her close behind.

Chay felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see Shakie standing next to her, carrying a full place.

"That was awkward.", she said with a grin as she handed the plate to Chay. "Lucifer seemed to take a liking to you."

"Was this planned?", Chay asked. "Did anyone else know he was going to show up here?"

Shakie looked down at the floor, embarassed.

"...You all knew.", Chay responded. "You all knew and you didn't bother to tell me."

"Charlie didn't want me to say anything.", Shakie answered back. "I don't know about the others."

Chay looked across the room, where Charlie was excitedly gesticulating at her father.

"...He hasn't met my Imp friends yet, has he?"

"Not that I know of.", Shakie responded. "Chay: did you seriously not figure out that something was up?"

"Hey, this royalty shit is all new to me!", Chay answered incredulously. "The man hasn't been seen in public for over a decade! How was I supposed to kno-"

Chay stopped in mid sentence, her eyes wide with recognition.

"It's the wards.", she whispered. "The fucking wards hid his presence. This is his building. He knew exactly what he was doing."

-He's not just here for the Extermination. He's here for something else.

Chay poked her fork into one of the beignets on her plate and shoved it into her mouth.

-Holy shit, this is fucking delicious.


"Uh, dad? Something wrong?"

Lucifer let go of his daughter's hand. His eyes lingered over the enormous sigil over the lobby fireplace.

"Charlie...that was her, right?"

He took off his hat and ran his fingers through his golden hair.

"The girl you were talking about last night? The one you've been trying to get to the bottom of?"

Charlie nervously picked at her black fingernails.

"Yeah, dad. That's her."

"I see. How long has she been staying here?"

"Only a couple of weeks. She's technically only here until she finishes her current job-"

"I don't want to get you hopes up, Charlie."

"Dad?"

"Look...remember last year? When I warned you what might happen if you went up to Heaven and tried to talk to Sera?"

"Dad, that...that was a completely different situation."

"Is it? Because to me, it seems like you're trying to prove something to someone again, and you're just liable to get your heart broken. Again. I don't..."

Lucifer let out a long, pained sigh.

"...You've just allowed me back into your life again, Charlie. I can't stand to see my little girl cry."

Charlie reached up and put her arms around his shoulders.

"Dad...I know. I know that it seems like a long shot. But you've seen her. You have first hand proof now. So you have to tell me: what is your honest opinion?"

The King looked over his shoulder to see the odd Sinner speaking with her girlfriend through a mouthful of eggs.

"My honest opinion is: it could be a complete coincidence. I've been down here a long time, sweety. Much longer than you have, and if there's one thing I've come to understand about Hell, it's that it plays by its own rules, and those rules are constantly changing."

He looked up at her with a weak smile.

"It's possible that she's the first Sinner of her type. Even if she's been down here as long as you claim she has, that would still make her the first, or-"

"Or?"

"Or you're theory is correct. Which would mean our ideas of life after death are much more chaotic then they already were."

Charlie could feel tears in her eyes.

"So, you believe me?"

Lucifer turned and looked up at her.

"I believe in you, Charlie. I'll say that much."

The Princess rolled her eyes. She honestly couldn't expect much more.

"Hey, Charlie."

She turned to look at her father. "Yeah?"

Lucifer jumped up on his tip toes and planted a kiss on her black button nose.

"Got yer nose!", he chirped.


-Holy shit but those boudin balls were amazing.

Chay daintily wiped at her mouth with a napkin.

She did have to hand it to Alastor: for how creepy and off-putting he was, he did have immaculate taste when it came to food.

"I might need to go back upstairs and sleep this off.", Shakie said while rubbing her stomach. "I just hope that coffee is strong enough…"

She turned around to see Vaggie holding a couple of saucers, each bearing a cup of Cafe au Lait.

"Trust me.", she said as she handed them to the two Sinners. "It is. It actually tastes really good, to."

The Sinners took careful sips from the steaming cups. The coffee was light brown, and surprisingly frothy.

"Oh damn…", Shakie remarked. "That's good. It's kind of sweet, actually."

Bzzzzt

Chay's phone rumbled in her pocket. She carefully fished it out, making sure to keep a steady grip on her coffee.

She thumbed over to her messages.

: I HAVE WACKFORD ON THE HORN.

MOVE IT OR LOSE IT. - Baxter :

"That's my cue, I guess.", she said as she re-pocketed her hellphone.

"Busy day today?", Shakie asked.

"Very much so. Not enough hours in the day to do it, either. Hey Vaggie?"

The moth-Sinner looked up from her cup. "Yeah?"

"You guys don't do water rationing or anything here, right?"

"….No?"

"Good. I'm about to go upstairs and pretend to be a venture capitalist, so I might need to take another shower later."

CHAPTER 22 END