Chapter 7: Love Hurts
Ichiraku Ramen, 8:30 PM, 1 day since Naruto's return
"H-H-Hi N-Naruto."
The boy in question froze. His eyes wide open, his breath stopped, his body overcome with chills. He dares hope that the voice he heard was a trick of the wind. But he dares not turn around to find out. For if she was truly there and he had to look upon her, he did not know what he would do or feel. He sits there in silence, his mind racing on what to do if SHE was there behind him. He still wasn't ready to face her just yet. He wanted at least one more day with his friends before he felt comfortable enough to even consider interacting with her.
Even though Naruto was frozen in place, his compatriots were not. Hinata and Ino were the first to turn around on their stools. Ino had a look of delight, Hinata a look of disgust.
"Hey Sakura!" Ino said to her friend, somewhat oblivious to the rising tension emanating from the lavender eyed girl next to Naruto.
Naruto upon hearing confirmation that Sakura was indeed behind him, visibly flinched. He had thought that he would be better prepared for this moment. He thought that 1000 days away from her would make him numb to her. He thought he would forget her. He was wrong.
"What are you doing here?" Hinata said, resentment clear in her voice.
Sakura could feel the tension in the air grow. At least Shikamaru was indifferent to her being there. Ino and Tsunade were happy she was there. It was Naruto and Hinata though that made Sakura think she had made a mistake. Sakura could feel the coldness coming off the Hyūga girl. Sakura had never seen her this way. It was disconcerting to say the least. She knew why Hinata was giving off this aura. Sakura knew of the crush the dark blue-haired kunoichi had and still has on her blonde teammate. By this point Sakura could guess it was love and unlike the 'love' she had for Sasuke, Hinata's was genuine, pure, and Naruto deserved it. Naruto deserved that kind of affection in his life and Sakura knew he would cherish any woman who showed him that kind of fondness.
From Naruto she got... nothing. She felt nothing coming off the boy. That's what was scaring her the most. Naruto had always had a joyful aura radiate outwards from him and when it was Sakura he was talking or thinking about, it was devotion. Now, nothing came from the boy and for Sakura that was worse than if he had a cold aura like Hinata or just pure wrath.
"I invited Sakura, she should be here with us." Ino broke the silence that had sprung up since Hinata had spoken.
"Why would you do that Ino? Sakura isn't Naruto's friend after what she did to him." Hinata replied in a mixture of coldness and anger.
Sakura visibly shook when she heard she was no longer considered a friend of Naruto. She had expected as much but it hit differently to hear it come from someone else. She knew nowit was a mistake coming here. Ino seemed to be the only one who really wanted her there. The rest were either indifferent or actively hostile to her. Before she could speak and say she would leave. She finally heard from Naruto for the first time in almost 1000 days.
"It's fine Hinata. Really, it is." Sakura heard the words, but she knew he wasn't fine. She finally could start to feel something come from the boy. For the first time in her life, she felt resentment come from the boy, all directed at her. He had never directed such feelings towards her. It was such an unsettling experience that she started to think it was better earlier when she felt nothing come from the boy. She crushed that thought. It was better that she felt SOMETHING come from him, it meant that on some level at least, he felt something for her which is better than indifference.
Naruto spun on his chair and finally looked upon Sakura. Gone was her red dress that she wore to impress the Uchiha boy and gone where nail polish and eye shadow she used to apply to make herself more feminine in said Uchiha's eyes. She now wore a red sleeveless top with black gloves and gray elbow pads. She replaced her sandals with knee high boots accompanied by a pair of black shorts and a small gray apron.
Physically she had grown taller a bit but was now shorter than Naruto. Unfortunately for her, she didn't fill out her figure quite like Ino or Hinata had. Her chest was only modest at best, but she did have a slim figure. A product of all the training she had been doing.
Sakura also now saw just how much Naruto had changed since she last saw him. He looked so mature now. The boy she once knew was now replaced by a man. She hoped though that his personality had not changed along with his body. If her mind wasn't so chaotic right now, she would have had a similar reaction to Ino's and Hinata's when they first saw Naruto yesterday.
"Hey Sakura, it's been awhile." Naruto said with a smile on his face. Sakura knew he was forcing this smile. Although his body language, his face, his tone all spoke in a friendly tone. His eyes betrayed what he was truly feeling in this moment, resentment. He resented how his perfect evening was now tarnished. Resentment at her for showing up at all. Resentment at just her personally. That look, the first time she had ever received it from Naruto, rocked her foundations. She knew if Naruto and herself were to get through this, she would need to be completely honest with him and not hide anything.
"Ya, it has. We all missed you so much." Sakura stated with a fake smile on her face, trying her best to keep her mask up.
"You have seen him Sakura. Now, you can go away." Hinata said, unconsciously intertwining her arm with Naruto's. Her words carried venom in them, making clear her stance on the girl Naruto previously had pinned for.
Well, it seems Hinata's feelings have only gotten stronger during this time apart. I'm happy she's in his life and is making him happy. I can only hope he will hear me out and let me back into his life in some capacity.
"I believe it's Naruto's decision if he wants her to go." Tsunade quipped. She was now just starting to feel something. She had not turned to take in the scene previously, the sake was calling her name, but now she did turn around. She saw Hinata's arm entangled with the now returned blonde boy and couldn't help but to tease to lighten the mood. "My, my, I see you are staking your claim Ms. Hyūga.
Hinata was about to scoff at her Hokage's words until everything the blonde bombshell said was fully digested by the kunoichi. She then realized that her arm was indeed completely wrapped around Naruto's. Her cheeks now matched that of a tomato, and she (reluctantly) untangled herself from him. She was so wrapped up in the situation that she didn't notice that Naruto's cheeks were of a similar color to hers.
"Sorry about that Naruto. I don't know what came over me." Hinata said after composing herself.
"Don't be sorry. You are just looking out for me, and I really appreciate it." Naruto uttered and gave Hinata a goofy smile which made her blemish just a bit. He then turned his head to Sakura, the smile vanishing. "Now tell me why you are here."
"I wanted to see you N-Naruto! Things have been difficult since you left." Sakura solemnly stated.
"Difficult how?" Naruto muttered, his anger now seeping into his voice.
Sakura didn't answer the question. She knew what she wanted to say right now, but this wasn't the right place to have this conversation. They needed to be alone so everything could flow freely between them. Right now, both were fighting to keep their masks on and that wouldn't do. All she could do was hang her head, no longer being able to look him in the eye. Naruto waited a dozen seconds to hear a response from the bubble gum haired girl. Not hearing anything, he decided to speak up.
"Look, you can stay. I know Ino and Tsunade want you here and I'll be damned if I let anything ruin this evening." Once he was finished with this statement he spun back around and dug back into his ramen.
"I appreciate it, N-Naruto." Sakura was thrilled with him letting her stay. It was a small step, but this was a marathon, and every step added up. She picked up her head, hoping to see his eyes again but he had already turned around. Saddened just a bit, she took an empty chair next to her master Tsunade.
"So, Goldie, when you left here, you were just a scrawny shrimp. You've got to tell me how you managed to change so much in such a short time." Ino remarked about her friend. She had wanted to say he glowed up but felt that was a little too on the nose.
Happy for a change in the conversation, Naruto turned his head towards Ino and smiled. "Discipline, lots and lots of discipline. Oh, and it doesn't hurt to have a few chakra weights as well."
"You mean like the weights we saw Rock Lee take off during the exams?" Hinata too was interested in just how Naruto had managed to chisel himself out.
"Bushy brow's weights were mainly to increase speed. I actually have a similar set to his on me right now. Only mine can store a lot more chakra and hence more weight than his ever could." Naruto stood up from his chair and took off his jacket so he could show the weights on his body and arms.
Ino and Hinata had similar reactions to seeing him take off his jacket. Both had to cover their noses so no one could see their nose bleeds. Sakura had a different reaction though.
He really has changed so much after all this time. He was always dependable before but now, I don't think there is anything he can't do when he puts his mind to it. I have so much farther to go before I feel like I can truly stand by his side.
"Tell us, did you have those weights on yesterday during your little demonstration for us?" Temari asked.
"Yup sure did Temari!" Naruto smirked, enjoying the reactions of his friends.
"Those look far too troublesome to be worth it." Shikamaru remarked.
"Hehe, that's because your lazy ass doesn't have even the motivation to wake up before noon." Naruto retorted in jest.
"And proud of it. Ouch, Temari, don't hit me in the arm like that."
"Just trying to give you some motivation."
"Women."
Naruto now put back on his jacket, much to the chagrin of 2 certain kunoichi and sat back down. "For strength though I have more specialized weights."
"It seems Jiraiya knew how to train you right at least, the big pervert." Tsunade slurred out just a bit, continuing her sake drinking and racking up quite a bar bill. "I don't understand why you shinobi focus so much on the jutsu side of training and don't develop your bodies. You wouldn't get injured as much if you did. It would make all the medic-nin's jobs easier as well."
"I agree with lady Tsunade on that point." Sakura finally chimed in. She still felt out of place here, but she was determined to go through with this. "So, N-Naruto, did you do anything else special for training?" Sakura further added on.
Naruto didn't take long to respond, his enthusiasm on the topic overriding the discontent he felt for the bubble gum haired girl. "Thanks to the shadow clone jutsu, I was able to perfect a couple of my nature transformations. I'm still working on combining it with my other jutsu but it's a start."
"Nature transformation is a jonin level skill Naruto. I'm impressed." Temari interjected.
"Thanks, Temari. I hope to get promoted to chūnin during the next exam. I know I'll make it this time!" Naruto announced for the whole world to hear.
"So, forehead, speaking of Lee and training weights. How has your training with team Gai been going?" Ino asked, hoping to get her friend more involved in the conversation.
"What? Sakura, you have been training with them?" Naruto said as he turned his head to the girl, the shock clear in his voice. Just from the little time Naruto had spent with team Gai he knew just how intense their training could get. Next to him, Hinata tensed at Naruto's sudden change in demeanor towards the emerald eyed girl.
Sakura turned her head as she replied. "Not just with Gai sensei, but I've also been training with Lady Tsunade to be a medic-nin. Team Gai has been letting me train my taijutsu with them since it was always my weakest aspect." Sakura uttered proudly. "To answer your question Ino-pig, the training has been going on extremely well. I may not be anywhere close to Lee in terms of taijutsu, but I can hold me own now against most people."
Is she exaggerating her training? This is Sakura we are talking about! She only cared about her precious Sasuke and getting his attention. Did he tell her to get stronger and she finally is? Or is she getting training for another reason?
"You both have worked your asses off to get where you are now. I'm proud to call you both my apprentices!" Tsunade blurted out, bringing both Sakura and Ino in for a hug, the alcohol clearly starting to get to her.
"L-Lady Tsunade, air!"
"Breath, I need to breath!"
This little scene caused laughter to overcome the group, minus the 2 unfortunate kunoichi. She eventually let the 2 of them go, but only so she could drink more. The night went on further like this. The group would ask Naruto questions about his journey, and he would tell his stories. A particularly interesting one involved his time in the land of demons and the priestess of that land Shion. Naruto could swear that he was getting jealous vibes coming from both Ino and Hinata whenever he brought up the priestess. Things got a little heated when he mentioned the last thing she said to him after he defeated Mōryō. The killing intent he felt from his 2 best female friends was undeniable. Naruto had no idea why they would be so upset at him.
It took a few more tales before Ino and Hinata were able to calm down and enjoy the evening once again, concluding that Naruto didn't know what this Shion person had meant by asking Naruto to father her children. Of course he would be oblivious to it.
The tension that had initially fallen upon the group when Sakura had arrived was long gone after an hour passed. Sakura started contributing more and more to the conversation and Naruto felt the resentment he felt towards her start to melt. Hinata's coldness to the girl though never went away.
Once it started getting late, everyone in the party paid their tab. Tsunade in her drunken state didn't realize just how much she had drank and was shocked when she got her bill. She now remembered why she bought her sake in bulk. Once everyone had paid their bill, they all got up and started walking out of the stall. Before everyone broke away towards their respective homes, Sakura spoke up
"N-Naruto, there is something I want to talk to you about. Could we go somewhere else?" she stuttered out. Her heart was pounding in her chest. The sound was ringing through her ear. Her stomach twisting in knots, fearing the worst possible outcome.
"Naruto's had a long night. He wants to go home and rest up." Hinata coldly stated as she turned to face the slug princess's apprentice, her hands on her hips.
"It's fine Hinata, I can handle this." Naruto stopped his procession and turned to his 'teammate'. "What did you want to talk about?"
"There have been a lot of things weighing me down N-N-Naruto. A lot of things I've wanted to say since you left. Please at least hear me out." Sakura pleaded with him. She could see the war going on inside him just by the look in his eye. Should he hear her out or should he let her stew in her misery.
"Is this why you came out tonight? Just to talk with me?" Naruto probed.
"Yes N-N-Naruto, I think it will do us both a lot of good. A lot has happened between us that hasn't been resolved." Sakura further stated her case to the blonde in front of her.
The war inside Naruto was still raging for a long time. Eventually one side won out and reluctantly he gave his answer. Where do you want to go?"
"Where we had our very first mission. I'll lead the way." Sakura nervously stated. Naruto took a few paces forward to address the full group properly.
"Thank you all for coming out with me tonight. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Thanks for making tonight memorable." Naruto announced to the group.
"No problem, man. I hope you 2 come to some understanding in all of this." Shikamaru replied
"Just as long as you two brats can still work together after this, I don't care what ya do." Tsunade slurred out slightly as she continued onwards to the Hokage mansion.
"Just don't kill her Goldie. It will leave more work for me at the hospital." Ino jokingly said
"Naruto, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. You don't have to listen to HER." Hinata spoke as she pointed a finger at Sakura, seething as she did so.
"Hinata, you should know by now that I'm not a person who normally runs away from his problems. This is a problem I have been running from for a long time now, and I'm tired of running. Even if I get hurt more from it, I need this closure so I can move on. Please understand Hinata." Naruto said as he brought his confidant into a warm embrace.
Hinata rested her head on his shoulder and hugged him back, breathing in his scent as she spoke. "I understand Naruto. I hope you find the closure you so earnestly need and please remember, I'll be here for you, always." Hinata declared to the world, not caring who heard her.
"Always?"
"Always."
It feels so nice to have her by my side. Always looking out for me and never admonishing me. She will never back talk me and will only ever support me. Plus, she smells nice.
Naruto reluctantly broke his embrace with Hinata and gave one last nod to the group before turning around to face Sakura, gesturing for her to lead the way. The pendant around his neck went from a red to gray. Hinata followed their every movement with her byakugan as they jumped away.
XxX
Training Ground 3, 11:30 PM, 1 day since Naruto's return
It didn't take long for the 2 of them to get training ground three. The place where they truly had become a team. At least, Naruto had once thought that. Now he wasn't sure if they ever were a team to begin with. Naruto spotted the clearing ahead of them and saw Sakura land next to where he had been tied up all those years ago. Naruto landed about 20 paces from her and didn't move forward.
Sakura turned around to face Naruto. She couldn't even bring herself to look upon his face however, her head hung low. She still felt so shameful, and it wasn't going away.
Naruto stared at her for a full minute, expecting her to say something. His frustration was building up. She's the one who wanted to talk right now. If all she was going to do was stand there then he had better things to do.
"If you are not going to say something, I'm going home." Naruto spun about and walked 2 paces before Sakura finally uttered something.
"Thank you."
Two simple words. That is all that Sakura said, yet they carried a lot of weight. There was only one time that Sakura had ever given Naruto a heartfelt thank you and that was when he made his initial promise to bring Sasuke back.
"That's why you brought me out here? To say thanks for bringing back your precious Sasuke? Well, you are welcome." Naruto almost shouted back in anger. He marched another pace forward.
"No, that's not what I was thanking you for." Sakura paused before continuing. "I did want to thank you for that as well but that's not why I'm saying thank you now." This caused Naruto to pause his march. Now he was curious about why she was thanking him. He was still filled with ire, but he kept it in check for now.
"Then why are you thanking me?" Naruto asked, still turned away from Sakura.
"I wanted to thank you, for saving my life twice." Sakura said with a twinge of happiness in her. After waiting for a few moments for the blonde genin to say anything but hearing nothing, she continued. "The first time you saved me was during Gaara's attack. I originally had thought it was Sasuke, but he told me it was you who saved me. I was so caught up in myself at the time that I never properly thanked you." She stated, bowing to him as she did so. He kept his back to her.
"And the second time?" Naruto bellowed out, his voice just barely containing his irritation.
Sakura raised herself upright and spoke. "The second time wasn't a single event. It's been all the time since you left. It's led me to reflect on a lot of things about myself." A step forward.
Naruto was getting more tense the longer Sakura talked. "What did you reflect on?"
Sakura prepared her response and spoke. "Reflect on who I was back then, who I am now, and who I want to be in the future." She said this as she started to pour her heart out. A step taken.
Naruto huffed at this. "All I ever did for you was give you my heart and I saw what you did with that. Didn't seem to do a damn thing."
"That's not true N-Naruto." Sakura's voice broke in a sob. Even with all the anger inside him directed at the girl, Naruto was still hurt when he heard the sob. Despite what she has done to him; he couldn't stand to hear her shed tears. Nevertheless, he refused to back down. Sakura at this point further clarified. "It may have taken me some time, far too long I admit, but I see now what we had, and I threw it away."
"You mean what I had for YOU. Admit it, you never cared for me! I was just an obstacle in your way for your precious Sasuke. During our training, you only asked about Sasuke and how you could help him. How he was doing. Was he ok. What did you do for me? I remember you doing ONE thing for me, and that was to bring my head down when Zabazu threw his sword at us so I wouldn't be decapitated. I don't count you giving me food after the bell test. You were only following what Sasuke was doing. Other than that, you didn't care about my well-being at all. The ONLY reason you came crawling to me to bring your precious Sasuke back was because you failed to stop him yourself. It must have been humiliating for you. Asking the dead last for help. I guess your love for him outweighed any embarrassment you felt in coming to me for help. Believe me when I say I know all about not caring about being embarrassed, if it meant doing it for the one you love. You begged me to bring him back. You pleaded with me to rescue him from himself. When I kept that promise and was no longer of use to you, you threw me to the side to be with Sasuke. Although I can't say you didn't repay me. You did, 2 slaps to the face and all my insecurities thrown right in my face. Did you know I almost died out there? Scratch that I DID die out there. That bastard put a chidori right through my chest next to my heart and out the back. If not for Kakashi sensei I would have died for real. I probably should have, then you would have had nothing standing in your way on your pursuit of your precious Sasuke." Naruto growled out, his whole body shaking more and more as he continued speaking. He knuckles white as he dug his fingers into his hand. The pendant black.
To say that Sakura was crushed was an understatement. To finally hear what Naruto had felt all this time was devasting to the girl. She couldn't keep her mask up any longer and moisture started forming around her eyes even more now. There was a lot to unpack in what Naruto had just said, and she would do her best to try address them all. One more step forward as another tear fell.
"I did care for you N-Naruto. I always cared for you. I still care for you now even if you don't want me to. I was a stupid little girl who was too blinded by a crush to see a good thing in front of her. You were and still are, that good thing." One tear drop fell, one leg forward.
"The only 'good' thing in your life is your precious Sasuke. I bet you had SO much fun with him these past 1000 days. With me being out of the picture, no one else was in your way of your pursuit of him. It wouldn't surprise me if you two were already planning on his clan restoration. I wasn't good enough for you despite willing to do anything for you. Yet he didn't have to lift a finger, and you threw yourself at him. Seeing the way you hugged him in the hospital after I brought back Tsunade told me that I had lost to him." Naruto was still growling but unseen by Sakura was the fact that he too was forming tears in his eyes. Thinking back to seeing her and Sasuke in the hospital was a bitter pill to swallow. At the time he was crushed but he wanted her happiness above his own. Another foot in front of the other.
"Sasuke was not a good thing in my life, YOU were and still are Naruto!" Sakura could finally clearly say his name now. She needed him to know just how grateful she is for all he had done for her. She said this statement with utter confidence and no doubt in her mind. Another tear fell from her eye as she called out his name.
"I won't lie to you. After you left, I did try and build a relationship with Sasuke. After you left, I was lost and at the time I saw Sasuke as my beacon, my hope. I was a desperate, lonely girl clinging to the one thing she thought was good in her life." Sakura brought her hand to her chest to calm herself down. Her heart was beating so fast she could hear it in her ears. One more stride.
"The more time I spent with him, the more I saw my fantasy crumble. I saw more of the side I had refused to see. It scared me. The one thing I was so sure of in my life was unraveling before my eyes. I eventually got to my breaking point about a year after you left. I was tired of trying to get him to open up to me. I was frustrated that he was ignoring me. I was hurt that nothing I was doing he seemed to appreciate."
"Sounds like we have something in common then."
"...I went to him. I made him a deal that if he was honest with me that I would stop visiting him almost every day. He accepted." Sakura took a pause now to see if Naruto would turn around. He did not. Another pace forward.
"And?"
"And he proceeded to tear me down, break me down piece by piece. Once he was done, I felt so bear. I was completely exposed. The wounds open to the world and stinging me all over. Soon though, I felt numb, empty, like a piece of me had been ripped out. It wasn't until later that I finally felt all the hurt at once. I've never felt that kind of anguish in my life."
"Another thing we have in common now." One step.
"...I wouldn't say that. What I did to you was way worse than what happened to me. I repaid all your kindness by going after another boy and actively scorning you. He at least only ignored me." Sakura fell silent for a moment to see if the boy had any reaction to her assertion. He did not.
"After that day I only visited him 4 times, twice on his birthday, once on the 1-year date when he destroyed me, and yesterday morning. Can you guess what I told him yesterday?"
"..." Another stride.
"I told him I was done with him. That I had moved on from him. I said to him that I needed to move on and not be held down by my feelings for him. I couldn't wait for him to change."
"One last thing we have in common."
"..."
"Look, I don't believe that you told Sasuke any of that. The Sakura I know would have been visiting him day in and day out, regardless of his cold indifference. It wouldn't matter to the Sakura I know. She would blindly keep her devotion to the lunatic. Hell, I'd bet my life savings that you would have left with him if he had given you the opportunity."
"...you are right. The old Sakura would have done all those things." Step.
"..."
"The Sakura you once knew though is gone. I've spent the last 2 years rebuilding myself. Trying to be a better kunoichi. I've got Lady Tsunade, Kakashi sensei and Guy sensei to thank for making me the kunoichi I am today. Most importantly though, I want to be a better human being like someone I know. Care to take a guess?"
"..." Advance.
"It's you Naruto. You are the person I want to be like. Old Sakura would have cringed at the thought of any more Naruto's running around. Now though, I wish you could make your clones permanent; the world needs more of you around."
"..."
"Naruto, if I had known what I would be putting you through by having you make that lifetime promise to me. I would never have made you make it. It's brought nothing but suffering to you and me. Naruto, I hope you know that even the old me NEVER wanted you to die, even if it meant letting Sasuke go. Now, I can't stand the thought of losing you. It breaks my heart just thinking about how close you were to dying." Tears now poured down her face. Another step taken.
Sakura's face was now covered in her tears, she was bearing her soul to this man, and he kept his back to her. That hurt a lot. She didn't think her agony would reach these heights. Even confronting Sasuke and telling him off didn't come close to what she was feeling now.
Before Sakura could continue, Naruto needed to know something and spoke up. "When you said the 'old' Sakura would have done all those things, were you including the part of leaving with him?"
"...Hai." Sakura had already admitted this to Kakashi and Tsunade. This time admitting it was so much harder than to either of her sensei's.
A newfound emotion boiled up within Naruto. Anger was still in him, but there was something else in the mixture. A feeling he knew quite well.
"Sakura, how could you? How could you do that to your village? This is your home. You had your parents. You had friends. You were on your way to being a fine kunoichi. Why?"
"I thought I was in love with him. Love makes you do stupid, reckless things. I got a taste of it, and it was like a drug to me. I wanted more and more specifically from him. I was willing to throw everything away to feed my addiction." Sakura stated, disgusted with the thoughts of her old self.
Naruto didn't want her to continue just yet, he had to speak up. "You know what I'm most angry about? It's not the fact you were willing to betray the village, your family, your friends. It's the fact that you were willing to betray ME. Had I known you would have left with the traitor... I still would have made the promise. I still would have brought the jackass back. That's how much I wanted you to be happy. Even if it meant losing you forever!" He was once again shaking in place, anger taking over him. Soon though, another feeling came to the forefront.
"I should feel more anger than I am right now, but I don't. I can't believe you would do something like that. How can I trust or respect you again? Why do you have to keep hurting me? WHY? Weren't all the countless times before enough for you?" Streams of water were falling past Naruto's whiskers. Step forward.
Sakura didn't need to have him turn around to see the damage she had done. It was clear as day from the sounds he was producing and the tone of his voice. She didn't think she could have felt lower than the day she broke Naruto 1000 days ago, but now she had fallen so much deeper. There was no going back, however. She had to keep digging and not leave a single stone unturned.
"I won't excuse my past actions. They don't deserve to be excused. I'll live with that guilt and shame for the rest of my life. Nothing will be able to wash it away." By now the waterworks had stopped. The shame she felt prevented any moisture from collecting on her face.
"You haven't answered my questions."
"You're right. Actions speak louder than words. That's the only way I can regain your trust. I don't mean to hurt you right now. I'm just laying out everything about me to you. I don't want there to be anything about me you won't know after tonight. That way at least if you reject me, I know it won't be a misunderstanding." One more pace.
"You know something Sakura? I'm starting to think I deserved your treatment. It all started on the rooftop when you said I was the only thing you hated. That started what would become our 'relationship'. All those punches and insults thrown my way. I was just a punching bag for you to relieve all your stress from Sasuke's rejections. It was your way of saying I was always going to be the dead last in your life. I would've saved myself a lot of heartache if I had listened. I didn't though, I deluded myself into thinking you cared for me, even if only a tiny bit. I thought, maybe, just maybe, my attempts would someday get through to you. That I would finally no longer be the dead last in your world. What a shit dream that turned out to be. You weren't the only one living in a fantasy. Just another thing we share."
Naruto's words cut her deep. Every word he spoke was a laceration on her soul. She needed this though, if only to gain a small amount of empathy with him. He wasn't done though. It was only going to get worse before it got better. One solitary step
"Sakura, at the hospital, please tell me why you did it. Why bringing back Sasuke alive wasn't good enough for you. Why didn't you care what I had been through to bring your precious Sasuke back." Naruto uttered, afraid at what the answer would be. An eternity went by before Sakura brought forth the courage to speak.
"I didn't care at the time. I didn't care about the struggles you had gone through. I only cared about Sasuke and thought about how much you hurt him. I had nothing but Sasuke's well-being on my mind, nothing else mattered. I saw him unconscious on the bed and my brain immediately went to you as the culprit. I lashed out. I was hurt, and lashed out at the person who saved him just so I would feel better, at least I thought I would feel better. In my eyes you had not done enough to bring him back intact. Even if I had saw the wound on your chest, I doubt it would have mattered to me back then." This was extremely difficult for Sakura to put into words. It was the time she was at her absolute lowest as a human being. No, she was not even a human being at the time. She was a cold, heartless bitch.
It hurt, it hurt a lot. Naruto knew in the back of his mind why Sakura had done what she did. But to hear it from her mouth like this was different. It was definitive. No more guessing on his part. She truly cared for nothing at the time except for her precious Sasuke.
"Why did you have to hurt me and torment me so much Sakura. It was cruel of you. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, for you to smile at me. I would have pushed heaven and earth if it meant giving you even one ounce of happiness. There were no lengths I wouldn't have gone to see your life filled with joy. All I wanted in return was acknowledgment that I did a good job by you. Before I died, out rescuing Sasuke, do you know what my last thoughts were of? You. I had stopped Sasuke defecting for you. I had kept my promise to you. In that moment, despite death being so near. I was actually overjoyed. I had finally done something I thought would earn your acknowledgement. I had finally done right by you. I thought that if I were to die in that moment, I would have been satisfied with the life I had lived. Simply because I knew you would finally get what you wanted." He choked out, keeping his back to her but he was starting to lose that battle.
Each sentence he spoke drove her soul to lower and lower depths. To know that someone had cared about her so much would have sent her heart racing at any other moment. Now, her heart felt as if it was breaking. She had never even come close to having the same feelings for Sasuke at any point in her life, even when she pleaded for him to stay with her. The tears had again started falling and with greater fervor than ever. There was no other way to describe what his feelings for her were. It was...
"I truly loved you Sakura. I wanted to be by your side. I wanted to be in your life, no matter how small a part. At first, I didn't know what my feelings were but there is no denying it. Nothing could hurt me the way you did except if I did love you. I was pathetic back then. I was your dog, at your beck and call. Praying and wishing you would just give me a chance to be the one to make you happy. No, I should have seen it sooner and not wasted my time. Nothing was going to make you see me as anything more than dead last." Naruto spoke with sobs breaking up every other sentence. One footstep.
"You want to know the most pathetic part about me Sakura? Despite everything you have done to me. Despite all the pain and torment, I felt and currently feel. Somewhere, deep inside, buried in my soul, a part of me still loves you. I've tried so hard these past 1000 days to burn away all the love I felt for you. Thinking it would finally make the agony go away. When I thought I could finally do it, rid myself of the last of my feelings for you, I couldn't do it. I still don't know why I can't do it even now. It makes no sense to me. Honestly, the biggest mistake you ever made was when you saved me from Zabuza's blade. You would happily be with Sasuke if you had let me die."
"You are wrong Naruto!" Sakura spoke up, breaking whatever line of thought was going through the blonde genin's head. "The biggest mistake I ever made was pushing you away! Not accepting your friendship! You brought warmth to my life, and I only brought you coldness. If I had accepted your friendship, I have no doubt I would be happy right now." No tears came when Sakura spoke this. Too sure of herself that she wouldn't allow this message to not come across clearly.
"That leads me to what I truly want to say to you." Sakura announced to the person who she hopes will be her teammate again.
"What else could you possibly say to me? That this was all a joke? An elaborate scheme to make me feel sorry for you? I would say I can't believe you would do that but actually I DO think you would do that."
"I'M SORRY!" Sakura shouted with all the hurt in her voice, giving the deepest bow her body could muster. "I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE TIMES I PUNCHED YOU! KNOCKED YOU ON THE HEAD! I'M SORRY I NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED YOUR KINDNESS TILL IT WAS TOO LATE! I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I DID ON THAT DAY IN THE HOSPITAL! I'M SORRY FOR NEVER GIVING YOU A CHANCE. MOST OF ALL THOUGH, I'M SORRY I BETRAYED YOU!" She by now was wailing, trying her best to keep a straight voice but the sobbing was breaking up her speech. She now stood straight up
"You were the best thing I had in my life. I was too stupid to see it. I'm the knucklehead shinobi, not you. I hope you will forgive me, even though I'm undeserving of it from you. I don't deserve such kindness from you anymore. I want your friendship again despite never appreciating it before. I was never deserving of the love you showed me time and time again. It's impossible for things to go back to the way they were. I fucked up any chance of that." Now was the time for Sakura to make her request, one that had been strangling her, and she needed to say it now.
"As bad as it sounds, I want to make one last selfish request from you. I just want another chance to be in your life again. I'm not asking for friendship again, just being in your life somehow will be enough for me. Please Naruto!" One more step.
Before Naruto could speak, Sakura had a little more to add on. "Before you speak again, I just want to let you know that no matter what you may decide to do with me tonight. I will always cherish what you gave me. I will cherish all the time I spent with you. I will cherish every single date proposal you gave me; every compliment you gave me. I will cherish it all because you are worth it." One footfall ahead.
Nothing else was said for a while. The wind blowing and the owls hooting were all that greeted the ears of the 2 heartbroken shinobi. The full moon shining down on them. The cold night air on their skin. Then it started. It started out barely audible to Sakura, but it was there. It slowly started to grow louder and louder until there was no mistaking what it was. Laughter.
Naruto was giving the most fool hearty laugh he could muster. He needed to do this. The absurdity of the situation called for it. If he didn't laugh, he knew he would have just broken down on the ground and lost himself. When he arrived at training ground three tonight, he never in a million years would have expected to hear anything so funny.
"HAHAHA, that's even better than you just saying this was all a joke." he wiped a tear of joy from his eye. "Oh man, at the very least you have found a sense of humor after all this time so in that way you have most certainly changed. You say you want to be friends AGAIN? Please Sakura, I've done reflecting too all this time and I know we were never friends. Being friends requires efforts from both parties. What we had was a completely one-sided infatuation." Naruto said laughing the whole time till it eventually stopped. He now got more serious.
"Perhaps this is all I'll ever amount to. A laughingstock. At the very least I can do that with all my pranking experience. I know I can bring people laughter at least but that's the best I'll amount to. I'll just be the dead last Naruto, the conciliation prize. Never deserving of first place." Behind Naruto, he could hear 4 rushed steps. Sakura was now right behind him and doing something he was not expecting.
Sakura was embracing him like her life depended on it. Like she would be lost to the waves of time if she ever let go of her rock. She was crying her eyes out into his upper back. He really had grown up on her. Her wailing filled the air, drowning out every possible sound. Sakura put every bit of remorse she felt into this hug. She NEEDED him to know just how sorry she felt about all she had done to him. She needed to do something to assuage the torture she had put him through.
"YOU ARE NOT A CONCILIATION PRIZE NARUTO! DON'T EVER THINK THAT!" Sakura shouted from his back; her words only slightly muffled by his red jacket. "You have NEVER been dead last! I was the dead last! I was the one left in the dust by everyone, especially in comparison to you! You improved every single day of your life while I languished in an obsession! You deserve the first, second and third place prizes! You deserve everything good that life has to offer! You are everything to me that a true friend should be!" She continued bawling her eyes out. She knew this would be it. Depending on how he responded, she knew she would have something to live for or fall into her pit of despair.
"Please, PLEASE forgive me Naruto. I desperately need to be a part of your life. I need you as my teammate. I need you as my friend. I know I was a terrible person to everyone back then, and especially you. I have felt a hollowness inside me since the day you left. It grew day by day and despite being so close to you right now, it's not getting filled. Naruto, I missed you so damn much that I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand thinking you hating me all this time and there being nothing I could do to fix it. You are my precious Naruto. I know it's a selfish request, but I BEG you, PLEASE give me your forgiveness! I need it! I need YOU!"
Naruto for the longest time did nothing in response to the kunoichi. He didn't respond to her little speech. He didn't respond to the sudden embrace. Too stunned was he for his body to properly respond. His body finally decided to respond by putting his hands on top hers.
"Why are you willing to go to such lengths for my forgiveness? I have only ever made your life better twice and one of those times I just so happened to be defending the village as well. Why do you want forgiveness from someone you despised so much? I'm nothing special, just Naruto. "He said, barely above a whisper but Sakura could hear it clear as day.
By now she had recomposed herself, stopping her crying so she could whisper back to him. "Because you cared for me so much. I don't think I've ever seen someone be devoted as you were to me. Even I wasn't that devoted to Sasuke. I was foolish back then to hate you. Now, I could never despise you. You have changed me for the better. You are special Naruto. You are special to me. I don't ever want you thinking otherwise."
With a heavy and broken heart, Naruto squeezed Sakura's hand beneath his and spoke. "Sakura, I'm sorry, but I can't forgive you right now. Too much has happened between us to just forgive you like that. If it wasn't for Hinata helping me stitch myself back together after you broke me, I don't think I would have even heard you out tonight. I'm afraid to let you into my life again. I worry you will just hurt me even more next time and I can't rebuild myself a second time. It's just too much."
His words and his actions caused her to start melting down and embrace him even tighter. She had been afraid of this outcome and had done her best to prepare for it, but it was way worse than she could have imagined it. This was it for her. Her long shot of a gamble didn't pan out, and now she was left with nothing. She felt the void in her grow so much larger that it was now almost all encompassing.
"Despite me saying I can't forgive you yet, I don't hate you. I don't think I can ever truly hate you Sakura. I wish I knew why but it just feels wrong to try and hate you. More than anything else at this moment. I feel sorry for you. I know what falling in love with a person who doesn't return the same feelings is like. Hoping they might one day see the light, but that day never comes. Instead, they reject you and you become listless. Not knowing what to do with yourself. It's an anguish I wouldn't wish on ANYONE." As much as he agonized over it, having the most tender embrace of his life be broken up, he ended it and took a step away from Sakura.
"Sakura, I know I just destroyed your whole world. I would understand it if you never wanted to see me again. In fact, it might be for the best if we kept our relationship strictly professional." Sakura couldn't say a word in response. She was too busy breaking down to say anything or do anything but sob.
"But that's not what I want! I want you back in my life! I just can't let you in yet knowing you will just hurt me all over. I told you I couldn't forgive you yet and I meant every word of that statement. Yet being the key word."
Sakura's sobbing stopped upon hearing that final sentence. A hope, however small it started, was filling up the void inside her soul. Was this a dream? Could she allow herself to feel this way and risk being crushed all over again?
"If there is one thing you should know about me, is that I'm always willing to give people a second chance, no matter who they might be or what they have done to me." Naruto, for the first time in this entire conversation, turned around to face Sakura head on.
They both could now clearly see each other, never had they seen each other as thoroughly as they could now. All the past wounds had been laid bare. All the secrets each had, exposed for both to see. They may be wearing clothes, but they were naked to each other, and neither looked away.
"Y-Y-You mean?" Sakura brought her hands up in prayer in front of her. The pit inside her soul was filling in quickly every millisecond that passed. She just needed to hear a few more words from him, and she would collapse in joy. She saw a flash of green come from underneath his muscle shirt.
"Hai Sakura, I'm giving you a second chance." That's all she needed to hear. She threw herself into him, bringing him into an even bigger embrace than before, burying her face in his shoulder. Tears of joy flowed freely from her, not even caring she was staining his jacket. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Said the kunoichi with as much joy as she could possibly bring forth in this moment. Naruto quickly returned the embrace. He wasn't as overcome with emotion as his pink haired teammate, but he too felt incredibly light by finally getting past this. He also took note that she smelled just as good as he remembered.
"I don't give out 3rd chances Sakura. You better make the most of this opportunity." Naruto said half-jokingly and half serious.
"I will Naruto! You will never regret this! I'll earn your forgiveness. I'll show you just how much I have changed! I won't make the same mistakes again! It's the promise of a lifetime!" She affirmed with more determination in herself then at any point in her life.
After embracing for what felt like forever, Sakura managed to peel herself away from Naruto. Cerulean blue eyes stared into emerald green orbs. Her eyes spoke of untold gratitude for this second chance and a determination to never let him go. His eyes carried the warmth she had grown accustomed to ever since she was his teammate. She had not seen such eyes in such a long time that she burned the image into her mind, not wanting to forget it.
"And like a certain blonde I know, I always keep my promises." Sakura stated, giving Naruto a wink.
"Who? You mean Ino? I mean I don't know. She once promised to let me copy her homework on time if I gave up my seat so she could be next to Sasuke. I'm still waiting to see her homework." Naruto said with a chuckle.
Sakura snorted at this. Happy that the good feelings were now radiating from the blonde shinobi once again. "Ya sure, let's go with Ino." Sakura wanted to ask him if he considered them friends now, but she refrained for now. This is how he acts around almost everybody even non friends and she didn't want to ruin this moment for either of them.
Unbeknownst to the blonde or the pink haired shinobi, a dark blue haired kunoichi was behind a tree at the edge of the training ground. Her skills made it so neither Sakura nor Naruto knew she was there. Her byakugan was active so she could read their lips when she couldn't quite hear good enough. She had run through a gambit of emotions since she arrived shortly after the 2 of them.
First rage at the kunoichi who had hurt her love and by bringing up old wounds, hurting him more. She then felt empathy for the boy as he recalled all the suffering he had taken because of the bubblegum haired girl. Once he started dressing himself down, the Hyūga girl felt so despondent that she almost broke her cover just to comfort the blonde. After that came happiness as he said he couldn't forgive his teammate. The lavender eyed girl normally would have berated herself over being happy at someone else's misfortune. For Sakura she was willing to make an exception.
Next came shock as she embraced him from behind, begging him to give her another chance to make things right. The hidden kunoichi was mentally pleading for Naruto to tell her no and to go away. When Naruto broke the embrace, she felt her spirits lift for just a second until he started speaking. As much as she didn't want to see him give Sakura a second chance, she knew it was in his nature to do so. She loved that about him, even if it meant giving someone, she hated another chance. When she saw the medic-nin embrace him again, and he returned it, the princess felt now pupilless kunoichi had only ever seen her blonde shinobi embrace one other person like that, herself. She had only ever seen the look on his face light up like that with her, yet he was doing it for a person cut him so deeply.
She was happy that Naruto had closure on this. She also now felt fear. Fear he might leave her now that his old crush was back in the picture. Sakura could deny it all she wanted. She could say she only wanted to be friends with him again and be satisfied with that. But the dark blue haired kunoichi saw the signs as clear as day. Sakura, if she somehow did earn his trust back, would not be satisfied with 'just being friends.' How could she be? Naruto was everything a partner should be. And now that Sakura had finally seen the light and moved on from Sasuke, it would only be a matter of time before she saw in Naruto everything the Hyūga princess saw in him.
She was now on a clock. How long of a clock the Hyūga girl did not know. For as much confidence she felt she had around the boy. Admitting you loved someone took a lot of courage and confidence she didn't possess yet. Sakura possessed these qualities. Time was now of upmost importance for the byakugan user.
Once the 2 shinobi reconciled, she deactivated her dōjutsu and stealthily made her escape. Planning on what she needed to do to completely win her loves heart. The 2 shinobi never suspected she was even there.
After she had left, the 2 shinobi followed suit not too long after. Naruto and Sakura both went to their respective homes. Both with tremendous weights lifted from their souls.
For Naruto, he was glad that it seemed that Sakura was sincere in wanting to earn his trust back. It would take her some time before she earned it back, but he had no problems being on friendly terms with her. Not friends just yet but cordial at the very least. He was on guard with her. She did crush him once and he would be damned if he would let her do it again. Despite being on guard against her, he would now have no problem working with her again in the future. That night, He got the best sleep he had in a very long time.
Sakura was on cloud 9. She had laid bare her soul to someone, and they didn't reject her. It was such an uplifting feeling to have someone know all your secrets and not run away. She had never felt this way before, never.
The hole in Sakura's soul was now filled. She now finally felt complete for the first time ever. She didn't know how she was going to make up for all she had done to him. She honestly hadn't planned anything past this point. She may be winging it from here on out but that was fine by her. She had gotten her second chance and could finally put her darkest chapter to rest. She was back in Naruto's life. Kami's in his heaven, all's right with the world.
AUTHORS NOTES
WE ARE NOW DONE WITH THE FIRST ARC. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT AS MUCH AS I DID. IT ONLY TOOK ME 3 DAYS TO COME UP WITH THE FIRST DRAFT OF THIS CHAPTER. A NEW RECORD FOR ME. I NORMALLY GO THROUGH 2 REVISIONS ON A CHAPTER BEFORE PUBLISHING BUT THIS ONE I DID A LOT MORE REVISING. I REALLY WANTED THIS CHAPTER TO BE SPECIAL. ITS JUST A SMIDGE SHORTER THAN MY OTHER CHAPTERS BUT THIS ONE ONLY HAS 2 SCENES TO IT.
WE NOW MOVE ONTO SHIPPUDEN PROPER. UPDATES WILL MORE THAN LIKELY BE SLOWER GOING FORWARD ONCE I GET PAST THE NEXT ARC. I NEED TO SPEND SOME TIME THINKING ABOUT MORE BUTTERFLY EFFECTS FROM THE CHANGES I MAKE. I DON'T WANT THIS TO JUST BE A COMPLETE RETELLING OF SHIPPUDEN. SOME BROAD STROKE'S OF SHIPPUDEN I WONT BE CHANGING. ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO NOT HAVE THE AKATSUKI OR MADARA BE THE MAIN VILLIANS BUT THEIR PLANS WILL BE CHANGING.
I CAN SAFELY SAY THAT THE SAKURA BASHING HAS BEEN COMPLETED FROM VIRTUALLY EVERYONE EXCEPT HINATA. I DON'T KNOW IF MY HINATA WILL EVER FORGIVE SAKURA FOR WHAT SHE DID. I'LL HAVE TO SEE HOW SHE CHANGES GOING FORWARD. I DO PLAN ON FOCUSING MORE ON HINATA AND NARUTO'S RELATIONSHIP GOING FORWARD NOW THAT I HAVE SAKURA WHERE SHE NEEDS TO BE. I KNEW SAKURA WOULD TAKE UP A BUNCH OF WORDSPACE THIS ARC BUT IT WAS NECESSARY.
IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO BE A BETA READER, I'M LOOKING FOR ONE. OH AND I FINALLY HAVE MY PROFILES UPDATED WITH SOMETHING ON BOTH FF AND AO3. I FORGOT TO MENTION AT THE START BUT I'M POSTING THIS ON BOTH FF AND AO3. I WILL UPDATE BOTH AT THE SAME TIME SO DONT WORRY. I HAVE NO IDEA IF THE 132 FOLLOWS AND 98 FAVSI HAVE ARE GOOD NUMBERS FOR A FIC THATS ONLY 1 MONTH OLD AND SAID FIC HAS 65K WORDS AND 6 CHAPTERS BEFORE THIS BUT I HOPE IT IS. AT LEAST I SEEM TO HAVE A FEW DEDICATED READERS AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY.
ONE LAST NOTE. I KNOW SOME OF YOU MAY THINK SAKURA KINDA ADMITTED SHE LOVED NARUTO AND MAYBE SHE DID. SHE JUST DOESN'T REALIZE WHAT SHE'S FEELING RIGHT NOW. SHE JUST GOT OVER SASUKE AND IN TRUTH DOESN'T TRUST HER SENSE OF LOVE RIGHT NOW AS IT FAILED HER BEFORE. IT WILL TAKE HER TIME TO COME TO THE REALIZATION OF HER FEELINGS TO OUR FAVORITE KNUCKLE HEAD SHINOBI
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT
