Chapter 85, everybody! Dang it's been a month already...promise I'll start working on this on a steadier basis, but in the meantime uhhh enjoy this month's chapter and the sound of me uploading this to AO3 as well due to more FFN shenanigans and spam. :\

So if I recall canon correctly Harry makes the comment that he did better in his Potions OWL without Snape breathing down his neck, and since the incident with Buckbeak didn't happen Care of Magical Creatures grades differently. Also, Sirius is more than happy to utilize all the benefits of being a part-time canine, including running around the yard like a crazy person. His estimation of Voldy, meanwhile, comes from a Tumblr post I saw once.

In other news, Dumbledore really needed a spotter in canon and technically, since Harry never fought the basilisk here the Sword of Gryffindor remains hidden (for now). Also I'm forever entertained by putting Dumbledore and Luna in the same room, and look! Deathly Hallows stuff!

Lucy Elizabeth Dawson, thanks for the review! Thank you, I am too! :D

Obsidian Dreamweaver, I'd usually say thanks for the review but for the fact that it resembles a lot of spam PMs I've been getting so...why are you asking for a commission on a fanfic even if I had money it's owed to the US government thanks to college debt. :\

Thanks for the review, Guest! Ahh thank you I'm glad you've been enjoying this! Yes we've strayed a bit close to crack a few times, I'll admit that. XD Me too, and don't worry, starting today I'll be uploading this to AO3 as well—someone recommended this? Thank them for me, and thanks again! :D

Harry Potter © 1997 J.K. Rowling

The next event worth noting was one that had been looked forward to with equal parts eagerness and dread: the arrival of the owls from Hogwarts bearing their OWLs.

"I still say that to keep with the thematic energy the NEWT grades should be delivered by newts," Sirius said one morning.

"I just wish they'd hurry up and get here," Harry muttered, glowering at his bangers and mash. "I'm getting really tired of wondering how I did—I know I failed History of Magic but I wasn't going to keep with that anyway—"

"They should be any day now," Remus told him, buttering a slice of toast. "And even if you don't get the grades you want, there's nothing stopping you from learning in your spare time."

Harry's response was interrupted by Dobby running in and hopping up to open the window. "Dobby saw owls heading this way, sirs! Dobby thinks it could be the OWL letters!"

That had everyone on their feet, focusing on the window Dobby had opened—two owls soared into the kitchen, and through the window Harry could see several more swooping into the Weasley house.

"Harry this one's yours," Remus said, pointing at one owl as he untied the letter from the other. "This one's Draco's but they aren't back yet—"

Harry was having a hard time with the knots, the owl affecting a longsuffering expression like it was used to this—finally got the letter untied, the owl taking one of his sausages before flying off—the other owl took the other before following, but Harry had eyes only for the letter he was fumbling with, struggling to get it open, out, read, sinking into his seat—

"Well?!" Sirius demanded finally.

Harry started laughing breathlessly as he reread his grades, leaped up in glee. "I passed!"

"YES!" Sirius yelled, leaping up as well as Remus made grabby-hands at the papers. "Yes no more sweating we can enjoy the rest of our summer—"

"Grades," Remus demanded.

Harry was beaming as he showed him, Sirius scuttling around the table to look as well. "I got O's in Defense, Potions and Magical Creatures, E's in everything else except History of Magic but since I fainted in the middle of that one—"

"And you won't be using it anyway," Sirius said, waving that off. "Look at that! O's and E's—this is going on the wall, we're getting it mounted or something—"

"What are you three plotting now?" Mrs. Malfoy said as she and Draco came through the fire.

Harry held up Draco's letter. "Grades!"

"Gimme," Draco said, rushing for the letter and ripping it open.

"We already agreed we weren't going to be using History anyway," Harry said.

"Ha," Draco said. "O's in Magical Creatures and Astronomy."

"Trade, I want to see," Harry said, grabbing his grades—looked up when Ron hit the door.

"Passed!" Ron cheered, shaking his fists in glee.

"Trade," Harry said, grabbing the paper and shoving his at Ron's. There were no O's on his, but the line of E's was impressive and he had even managed an A in Divination, despite his report of how disastrous that exam had been.

"Of course you got tops in Potions and Defense," Ron said, grinning. "Oi Malfoy what'd you get?"

"And we all agree that we're not going to be using History anyway," Harry said as they swapped.

"And that we're celebrating," Remus said. "At least, as soon as Sirius gets back in from, and I quote, 'a case of the zoomies.'"

"We even managed to avoid getting any T's," Ron said.

"I'll be honest, I wasn't convinced that was an actual grade until I saw this here," Harry said, pointing at the possible grade section.

"Seriously?"

"Keep in mind it was Fred and George that told me."

"Okay fair," Ron admitted.


Ron stayed over for the remainder of breakfast to avoid an excess of phlegm, as he put it.

"Remember Fleur Delacour?" he asked when prompted. "Turns out Bill's engaged to her."

"Your Bill?" Harry asked, baffled.

"Yeah—if it was some other Bill Mom wouldn't be nearly as fussed. As is, she's been in a bit of a state, wondering why he didn't settle down with some nice English girl."

"How did they even meet?" Harry asked, still on baffled and not feeling any shift in gears.

"Apparently she's working with Gringotts—for er eenglish," Ron parroted. "Don't get Mum and Ginny going about her, they've been doing their best to break the two up. Not sure how, apparently they've been dating for a year and Bill's evidently immune to Veela charm and likes her for her personality."

"Good for him," Remus said.

The end of breakfast was interrupted by a glowing white phoenix coming in.

"To the residents of the Doghouse," Dumbledore's voice announced as the phoenix settled on the table. "I am currently at the Burrow, if you would kindly join me on a topic of interest, that would be greatly appreciated."

Everyone exchanged glances at that. "Did you know Dumbledore was at your house?" Harry asked Ron.

"No," Ron said. "This should be interesting."


It was—for starters because Luna was there.

"I noticed some strange glowing things flitting about your house during breakfast and decided to investigate," Luna told them. "Did you know Fleur was here?"

"Hnnh?" Harry noised, still dazed by Fleur greeting him with a kiss to both cheeks.

"Boys," Ginny hissed in irritation.

"Ah, the halcyon days of youth," Dumbledore sighed. "Raging hormones do prompt the oddest things."

"Do me a favor, tell Mum that Fleur and I have more than just that going on," Bill told him.

"Alas, the married couple must figure out their in-laws on their own; I have no power here."

"So about why we're here," Draco prompted.

"Does it have to do with the box?" Sirius asked, pointing at a small box on the table.

"Yes, well, that's one of the reasons I was in town," Bill said.

"After the incident with the diadem and the locket we've decided to see about hunting down other potential Horcruxes," Dumbledore reported, indicating the ring box. "This was, apparently, a wise decision, as my supposition that Voldemort made seven total seems to be true."

"Seven?" Ron demanded. "It's bad enough he did it more than once, now you're saying he did it seven times?"

"Technically six, as the original bit of soul counts as a seventh piece."

"I don't think that makes it better."

"What are we talking about?" Draco asked. Looked at his mother, who had gone thin-lipped. "Hello?"

"Trust us, you're happier not knowing."

"Tell me anyway." Got thin-lipped as Harry explained. "Maybe I was happier not knowing."

"Tried to tell you," Ron said.

"The good news is, this one's done for," Sirius said, looking at the ring. "And this continues to support my theory that Moldy-Voldy is just some moody teenage girl. Think about it—a ring, a diary, a tiara—"

"Diadem," Remus corrected.

"And a locket—that's four so far. You might have a point about seven," Sirius told Dumbledore.

"Which was my main concern," Dumbledore sighed. "Although I have to extend my gratitude to Mr. Weasley—Bill, here, for coming with me and stopping me before I did something rather stupid."

"You never just put hidden treasure on, that's rule number one of being a cursebreaker," Bill said. "That one was particularly nasty—if I hadn't stopped you you would have been dead within the year."

"At least I would have spare time then," Dumbledore said. "As it sits I'm afraid not even retirement will do that."

"Any idea what the last two would be?" Harry asked as Luna peered at the ring.

"Alas, at best all I have are ideas. My best guess would be Hufflepuff's cup, as that's one of the remaining known items of the Hogwarts' founders. The other remaining item is the Sword of Gryffindor, but I doubt Voldemort would bother with that."

"On the one hand, Slytherin pride says no," Draco agreed. "On the other, it'd be getting one up over Gryffindors...wait the diary was in our house," he said, looking at his mother.

"I am aware," she said tartly.

"Well at least we're halfway done, that feels like a good reason to celebrate," Sirius said.

"Professor," Luna said suddenly. "Did you know that that's the resurrection stone?"

"I had suspected," Dumbledore said. "Sad to say that was why Bill needed to rescue me from myself."

"That's the what now?" Ron asked.

"It's one of the deathly hallows," Luna said excitedly. "One of three, actually—the other two are the elder wand and the true cloak of invisibility—they're outlined in the Tale of the Three Brothers—"

"You mean that old story in The Tales of Beedle the Bard?" Ginny asked.

"In what?" Harry asked.

"You know how Muggles have fairy tale books?" Ron asked him. "Those ones written by those grim brothers? Beedle the Bard is that for us—I'll loan you my copy, had to dig it out for my comparison essay for Muggle Studies so it should still be on top of the pile."

"Remind me to get you a bookshelf for your birthday," his mother said.

"We actually have a few issues detailing those," Luna offered. "But I'm reasonably sure that's the resurrection stone because it has the sign of the deathly hallows on it."

"I feel like we have to start from the top," Harry said—refreshed his tea as Luna explained the deathly hallows and signs and the three brothers and such, Dumbledore nodding along as she did so.

"The entire collection of The Tales of Beedle the Bard are worth reading through," Dumbledore said when she finished. "'The Fountain of Fair Fortune' will always be a close second to the Three Brothers as far as how memorable it is to me, although that might be because it was what led my predecessor Armando Dippet to ban all school plays, after an attempt to perform that story ended with the Great Hall on fire."

"I only know it because father couldn't stand it," Draco said.

"Yes, that led to a rather long feud between us."

"But back to the ring," Sirius said. "How do you even prove it's that stone or not? Anyone could carve that mark into a stone and say it was the resurrection stone then."

"Go back to it's a story and a theory," Remus told him.

"I suppose we could test it, but I want a second opinion before anyone tries it," Bill offered. "I don't guarantee I got all the nasty out of it."

"Personally, I am inclined to believe in the deathly hallows," Dumbledore said, dipping a cookie in his tea. "Because I have had the distinct honor of holding all three. This ring made the last."

Silence as they watched him eat his cookie.

"Now hold it," Ron said. "You can't just drop this information and not elaborate."

"But of course. The wand I currently use is the Elder wand, which I won in my duel with Grindelwald. I can trace enough of its history to have my suspicions, but my suspicions were confirmed when I learned of James' Potter invisibility cloak, and I asked to examine it to see if those suspicions had merit. Well, most invisibility cloaks made of demiguise hair will show wear and tear after a few years, and yet this one was as spotless as if it had been made yesterday, as I'm certain it still is. This was the last piece," he said, indicating the resurrection stone. "And thus, one of my goals in life has been fulfilled. I do feel like this is worth celebrating, I may purchase a cake later."

"There's a lovely bakery in town we can visit for that," Luna said, practically buzzing with excitement. "You can visit with Dad and tell him about all this—is this what the Muggles call a bucket list item? Do they really put ideas of what they want to do in buckets?"

"That's not quite how that works," Harry offered.

"Okay hold on go back," Sirius said, waving his hands. "Since we're agreeing that the deathly hallows exist and all three are currently in the neighborhood—now what? We're talking about very old, very powerful artefacts here."

Everyone looked at each other, digesting this.

"Personally I prefer nothing," Dumbledore offered. "The act of finding them all is reward enough, and the belief that owning them makes you master over death neglects the point of the story: that death is inevitable, and it is better to live your life fully and humbly, greeting death with the satisfaction of a life well-lived."

"Well said, sir," Luna said.

"Thank you, Miss Lovegood—I've found that with age, people are more willing to attribute wisdom to my words; whether or not I get any wiser remains to be seen."

"How much longer do you think it'll take me to get to that point?" Sirius asked Remus.

"You'll be older than Dumbledore," Remus said, not missing a beat.

"Hey."

"Any other questions before we start a new quest for cake?" Dumbledore asked.

Harry contemplated this before raising a hand. "Are school plays still banned?"

"Not anymore—I lifted the ban when I became headmaster, although I also added a few fireproofing spells to the Great Hall just to be safe. As for the duels that broke out, I'm hoping that we're better able to keep those under control now."

"Fair enough," Sirius said, slapping the table and standing. "Let's go get a cake."


Once the cake was mostly decimated and Dumbledore had left with Luna, Harry went and fetched his invisibility cloak.

"So theoretically this is the Invisibility Cloak, with proper capitalization," Ron said as Harry spread it out on the kitchen table. "Except again, we run into the question of how do we prove it."

"Personally I prefer the question of do we need to," Remus said, polishing off what he swore was his last bit of cake. "As Dumbledore said, the journey of finding it was likely enough."

"Oi since when did you start doing this sage bit?" Sirius asked, gesturing at him.

"I figured I'd get a head start on it so I can actually achieve it when I'm Dumbledore's age."

"So what do you think?" Harry asked Snips, who lighted down onto the table to look. Snips turned up his beak at the question—ah, right, he didn't particularly approve of the cloak unless it was for instances like second year.

"Well I'll tell you what, it doesn't look much different than when James had it," Sirius said, looking it over. "Cleaner, maybe."

"Kreacher might have addressed it while doing the laundry," Kreacher said as he passed by.

"I wasn't expecting that but okay."

"Would a cloak this old be holding up like this?" Harry asked.

"Generally no," Ron offered. "I heard Percy complaining about having to replace the Ministry's batch of invisibility cloaks—apparently once they start falling off their ability to hide you gets patchy."

Harry decided to test this—at best what showed were bits of his sneakers, and as Sirius and Remus could attest, it did have some difficulty hiding a person as they got older and taller.

"So...possibly yes, this is the Invisibility Cloak complete with the and capital letters," Sirius mused as Harry took it back off. "I'm having another slice of cake this is worth it."

"You were going to have one anyway," Remus accused.

"True but now I have an excuse."

"You know this is going to gall Hermione to no end, right?" Ron asked.

"That one of Luna's stories turned out to be right on the money?" Harry asked. "It would."

Silence as they contemplated this.

"We send her an owl, tell the owl to come back as soon as she gets the letter," Ron said. "The letter only says Luna was right, she has to wait until the end of summer to get any clarification."

"On the one hand, this sounds dangerous," Harry said. "On the other…yeah let's do it."

To their detriment, they learned that Hermione had gotten an owl over the summer.