Chapter 86, everybody! Love how I said it was going to take another month to upload—need to focus on catching up on AO3 but since I went okay 100 words a day on this I...ended up finishing like five chapters this past week oops.
Moving on...Percy is weirdly fun to write. Also potential Crabbe and Goyle redemption arc and the question of what kind of jobs are in the wizarding world. And pirate wizards...also a third of Port Royal really did slide into the ocean back in the day and you can thank Pirates of the Caribbean for making me a massive pirate nerd. And may you live in interesting times being intended as a whammy makes more sense after 2020.
The German crack comes from a class at Full Sail University—apparently the teacher had taught a class of Germans and assigned them to write short stories; all but one came back with a downer ending. Also extra classes and new teachers! The baking classes were inspired by the Harry Potter Wizards of Baking show, by the way.
Rayhawkins10, thanks for the review! Snips agrees with this assessment. XD
Harry Potter © 1997 J.K. Rowling
September first saw them heading to King's Cross in style thanks to Ministry cars courtesy of Percy.
"You wanting us to be fancy, Perce?" Ron had to ask.
"It's security concerns," Percy pointed out. "You-know-who wants Harry, so it's best to make that difficult for him. That, and it's just in case some Death Eaters try for my family."
"Aw, he does care," Ginny teased.
"You hush," Percy said, shoving at her head. "I have to get back to the Ministry, just wanted to make sure you all got off fine—Sirius—Sirius no Animagus forms in the cars—you're going to have to pay a cleaning deposit—"
"And he's back," Ron said, laughing.
Platform Nine and Three-Quarters was a bit different as well, owing to the presence of Aurors keeping an eye on everything. Ron wondered if they expected Death Eaters at large to come see their kids off, glanced at Draco and then away—Draco, for his part, was thin-lipped, and Harry noticed that he wasn't the only one who seemed subdued.
Harry, meantime, had joined the brigade of people wearing shiny badges, having been made Quidditch Captain—he kept idly running a thumb over it to make sure it was there, was kind of glad that Fred and George weren't around to threaten to do something potentially goofy with it, like glue his hand to it with a sticking charm. Waved his friends off when they went up to the prefects' car, started looking for an empty cab to reserve—
Was surprised when Crabbe and Goyle invited him into theirs.
"We know we're not friends, but you and Draco are neighbors now," Crabbe pointed out.
"And Parkinson's not worth sharing a cab with," Goyle added.
"And the defense club—"
"Guys, you don't have to justify it, we can hang," Harry assured them.
Crabbe and Goyle perked up at that, scooted over so Harry could come in and sit down. Crabbe, as it turned out, was a good opponent at Gobstones, and in-between dodging sprays of foul liquid they discussed how their OWLs had gone. Crabbe and Goyle, as it turned out, managed to evade failing thanks to their study sessions and had even scraped E's in Defense.
"Well that's all good news," Harry said.
"Yeah," Goyle said, watching them play with his arms crossed. "Except it's not really enough to keep going with NEWTs in everything. Maybe Defense." Squirmed in his seat a little. "Mum and Da were always insistent that grades didn't matter because...well, they figured on us already having...well, jobs."
Harry could guess what kind of jobs they had in mind. "It's not like you have to do that," Harry pointed out. "What are you guys good at?"
Dead silence for more than a minute.
"It doesn't have to be any of our classes," Harry pointed out. "It could just be something you really like."
"I really like Gobstones," Crabbe said.
"I like food," Goyle said.
"So professional Gobstone player and food critic, those are real jobs," Harry said. Probably.
"Really?"
"Well food critic definitely is in the Muggle world," Harry offered. "You could get a column in the Daily Prophet or the Quibbler. And with Ron working with figuring out how to convert Muggle television to a magical version...Gobstones could be one of the shows."
The two perked up at that, eagerly discussed those options until Ron came in ahead of the food trolley.
"Oh hey are we playing Gobstones?" Ron asked, sitting down next to Harry.
"We're also discussing you filming the Gobstone-playing for a television program," Harry told him. "People will watch televised chess and golf, Gobstones could be the next big thing."
"That reminds me, we need to figure out how Muggle antennas work next. Will the Gobstones Club get in on this, is the next question."
"Yes, absolutely," Crabbe said—thought about it a minute. "Maybe."
"We'll figure it out when we get to Hogwarts," Harry said, tugging out some coins when the food trolley came. "Also Goyle's looking into being a food critic."
"So long as he doesn't critique my service, dears," the trolley lady said.
The rest of the trip was spent discussing their summers, Harry going over the books he had found in Flourish and Blott's regarding piracy in the wizarding world.
"So the one's a pretty straight historical account but the other one is fiction and so far it's been cool," Harry said as they rode the carriages to the front steps. "We should go to the Caribbean when we're done school, I'd like to see some of this stuff—like Port Royal, the Muggles aren't really sure why a third of it sank into the ocean but as it turns out it was a duel between a Ministry guard and a Wizard pirate."
"Oh yeah we definitely have to get my camera finalized by then, that sounds like a documentary program in the making," Ron said eagerly. "You do the research, I do the filming...quick anyone in here good at marketing?"
"I suppose if all else fails you could ask the twins," Hermione said. "I'm surprised their shop is doing so well Draco will you stop leaning out of the window you're going to fall out!"
"Why do we keep stopping?" Draco demanded. "I don't like it, it feels like we're going to get jumped."
"We'll distract them while you guys run," Goyle offered.
Harry leaned out his window, being in a position where he didn't have to twist around to see forwards. "It looks like there's people at the gate—Aurors? I think I recognize your cousin Tonks."
"Do they think Voldy's going to sneak into Hogwarts?" Ron asked. "Wait never mind he's done it at least once already."
"No, but I'm sure there's been some concern from parents over their kids' safety," Hermione said. "Percy might have put them there to assuage some fears."
"Or stop the irate howlers."
"That's also a possibility."
"Hey, wotcher, boys!" Tonks said, grinning when their carriage pulled up. "We're gonna check you over real quick, anything to declare?"
"We've decided we're going to the Caribbean in a few years," Harry told her. "Ron's going to do a film documentary on wizard pirates."
"Nice," Tonks said, waving what looked like a detecting rod over them—paused when it reacted to Snips, who leaned back with narrow eyes. "Oi Harry your familiar isn't secretly a Death Eater, is he?"
"He's with the Secret Order of Familiars, actually, but we're not supposed to know that."
They sat there a little longer than necessary, Tonks and another Auror having to go over the readings from the device before finally agreeing that it was probably nothing (Snips had been with Harry ever since first year, if he was working for Voldemort he had had plenty of chances to betray him and had actually actively stopped some of Voldy's attempts on his life). Got another false positive on Harry, for some reason, which caused another delay to the point that several people in the carriages behind started hollering.
"Why is it always you?" Draco asked once they were able to go. "Crabbe, Goyle and I are from dark families but you're the one causing trouble."
"Would it be me if that didn't happen?" Harry asked honestly.
"Fair," Draco grumbled, slouching back in his seat.
"Maybe Voldy put a curse on you so you live in interesting times," Ron offered. "And the Aurors were picking up on that."
"It's as good an explanation as any."
The welcome feast was as good as ever, although Harry had some concerns about the sorting hat's song—either it had been picking up some rumors from Dumbledore's office or it had been reading German short stories, from Harry's recollections of primary school. At least Dumbledore's speech continued to be comfortably odd, so there were some things that never changed, at least.
"As returning students may very well know, we have a bit of a running issue with retaining Defense professors," Dumbledore announced. "As such, it falls upon me to once again introduce our new Defense professor—may I present Professor Sirius Black."
Harry, Draco, and the remaining Weasleys all exclaimed as a big black dog came barreling in, several older students that recognized Snuffles also reacting, lots of gasps and murmuring when the dog turned into Sirius next to Dumbledore.
"Please, everyone, hold your applause," Sirius announced, hands up and out as he grinned at them all, looking decidedly un-professory in ripped denim and leathers. "I know we all know the position is cursed, but I'm a fan of workarounds, including something the Muggles came up with. Dumbledore, would you like to do the honors?"
"Yes, yes—I believe it's called a teacher's assistant, if this works we intend to start implementing more, but in the meantime, may I introduce Professor Remus Lupin?"
First and second years who didn't remember Remus were probably confused at the whole Great Hall leaping up in thunderous applause, Remus looking sheepish as he headed up to Sirius and Dumbledore, waving a couple of times as he went.
It took several minutes before order could be restored, probably not helped along by Sirius waving for everyone to keep going; none of the teachers seemed to mind, Harry noticed.
"I told you they'd be more excited about you than me," Sirius told Remus.
"And now we get to see if the curse is just you can't do two years consecutively," Remus agreed.
"Marvelous, marvelous," Dumbledore said, nodding as the two sat down and the applause finally faded. "In other news, Filch has asked me to add Weasley Wizard Wheezes products to the list of banned products, which did lead to a bit of back and forth before he agreed that the teachers could still be trusted with their fireworks. We will be making use of them on certain occasions that will be listed on your student calendars. I've also been informed by Minister Weasley to be certain to ward the fireworks against detection by Muggles, although I was looking forward to seeing if the fireworks were covered by Hogwarts being unplottable. We shall see, I am certain.
"Some of you may have noticed the Aurors checking everyone coming through the gates; this is also courtesy of Minister Weasley, although I think we can all agree this is an improvement over Dementors," Dumbledore added, looking over his half-moon glasses at the nervous titter that ran through the hall. "I've been informed that Minister Weasley is taking the threat of Voldemort's possible return seriously, and what I've seen supports that. Even if I am just an old fool jumping at shadows—in which case Alastor Moody invites me to take his survivalist courses, which he will also be offering here every two weeks, as his schedule allows it, if you would like to sign up for that the sheets will be on your dorm boards, as I understand it he's spent the past year or so studying Muggle survivalism and giving it a Wizarding spin. But even if it turns out I was wrong about certain dark wizards, there is no harm nor shame in learning how to better take care of yourself. You may never need to use any of this information, the Ministry may never need to make use of its updated defenses, but as the Muggle parlance goes, the man who sleeps with a machete is a fool every night but one.
"Also, as I have gotten a few letters over the years and have myself discovered the wonders of Muggle baking shows, we now also have baking lessons, which will be overseen by the Hogwarts house elves to ensure no mishaps occur," Dumbledore continued as a house elf popped in next to him. "Ms. Parlie here will be the lead elf in this endeavor, she requests that we not make too terribly big a fuss about her appointment," he added, indicating the house elf that was apparently blushing furiously behind her hands and ears.
"There you go, the house elves are getting their recognition, you can stop lobbying for that now," Ron told Hermione.
"Ron, this is only the first step," Hermione said. "You don't stop the movement just as it's getting momentum!"
"So long as the momentum doesn't lead to a big crash against a wall."
"We'll just power through it."
Harry had the sinking suspicion that this was how many extremist movements got started and hoped Hermione had enough sense to stop when everything was at a comfortable point. Not that he thought house elves would start picketing, but after five full years in the wizarding world he was starting to learn to hedge his bets.
"Now unless I miss my guess—which is always a possibility—that was everything I wanted to discuss for the evening," Dumbledore said, clapping his hands together. "If it turns out I missed something or need to announce something else, such as a new podium, I will be certain to let you know. Good night, and welcome to Hogwarts!"
