[The story begins at nighttime at the Mystery Shack with Mabel cleaning a table.] [phone rings]
Mabel: I got it, I got it! Coming! [leaps for the phone, but Dipper answers it first. Mabel falls to the floor and exclaims]
Dipper: Hello? Sorry, sir, we're closed... [Stan snatches phone]
Stan: Mystery Shack. How can I help you? [customer explains order over phone] Pizza? Mmm… Of course we have pizza.
Dipper: Uh, Grunkle Stan...
Stan: Our delivery boy will bring it right over. [hangs up, the customer's gibberish continues but gets cut off]
Dipper: But Grunkle Stan, we don't serve pizzas. We don't deliver.
Stan: We don't deliver, [gives Dipper the pizza] but you do.
Dipper: Can't you just get Mabel to do it?
Stan: Great idea! Take her with you. [Mabel sneaks over smiling big]
Dipper: That's not what I had in mind! [The scene cuts to Dipper and Mabel near the golf cart outside the Mystery Shack.]
Mabel: Front end... check. Antenna... [touches the cart antenna making it vibrate] check. Bumper... check. Bumper sticker... [bumper sticker says "I Brake For You"] ...check. [uncaps the tire pressure and puts her mouth in it, causing him to inflate like a balloon, and talk in a squeaky, high pitched voice while she is now the size of a giant parade balloon] Tire pressure! [Dipper scared, Mabel blows out the rest of the pressure in Dipper's face, returning her to his normal size and voice] ...check. Vehicle inspection complete! We're really making history here, Dipper. That lucky customer is gonna get the first Mystery Shack Pizza ever! (Mabel drive the golf cart to deliver Mystery Shack Pizza But suddenly she see Jeff and his gnome past by.)
Mabel: Aaah! ( she almost hit them.)
Jeff: Watch where you driving. (Golf cart is out of control)
Mabel: [shifts gears] Can't control the cart.
Dipper: [tries to get the wheel] Gimme the wheel, Mabel! Give me the wheel! ! [They go over a bumpy area with rocks and then they spin around and around and around, screaming. The scene fades into the next morning, as the cart goes over five hills.] [cart stops with no fuel left]
Mabel: Why did the cart stop?
Dipper: Well... I don't know I think we're out of gas. And, you know what else? [echoing] We're in the middle of nowhere!
Mabel: And you know what else else? I think the pizza's getting cold.
Dipper: [sarcastically startled] And the pizza's cold?! Oh, the pizza's cold! Not the pizza! Oh, how could this get any worse?! [kicks the golf cart in frustration and the cart's gasoline becomes full again and it drives away into the distance without them]
Mabel: Well, we can still deliver it on foot. [Dipper narrows his eyes. Later, both walk on the grass]
Dipper: Ow, ow, ow.
Mabel: [singing] The Mystery Shack pizza is the pizza for you and me. The Mystery Shack pizza is the pizza...
Dipper: And my feet are killing me. Whoa! [trips over Mabel, who is lying on the ground] Mabel? What are you doing? Mabel: [rubbing the ground] It's an old pioneer trick. I saw it in a movie once.
Dipper: Mabel, this is no time for...
Mabel: Shh, shh, shh. It's working.
Dipper: What is it?
Mabel: [pointing to the road] Truck! Sixteen wheels. Now I can show you how the pioneers hitchhike. [starts dancing in the road while wearing a hat] Whee... eee... [Dipper sits on a rock while playing with a wooden spoon]
Truck driver: Thrashin' frashin' break dancers! [honks his truck horn]
Dipper: He's stopping! He's stopping! [Dipper realizes he's not stopping and grabs Mabel out of the way where they are covered in sand thanks to the truck. Dipper narrows his eyes at the smiling Mabel [The scene cuts to Dipper and Mabel resuming walking, despite heavy winds.]
Mabel: The Mystery Shack pizza is the pizza for you and me. The Mystery Shack pizza... [the wind blows on Dipper's nose making it touch his face so he puts it down, only for it to touch his face again so he puts it in his mouth] ...is the pizza free delivery. The Mystery Shack pizza is the pizza very ta-asty. [Mabel gets carried around in the air by the huge winds] Whoa!
Dipper: Will you let go of that stupid pizza, already?!
Mabel: [still being carried around in the air] I can't! It's for the customer!
Dipper: Who cares about the customer?!
Mabel: I do!
Dipper: Well, I don't!
Mabel: [wind stops and Mabel gasps] Dipper! [starts flying again]
Dipper: Let go of that pizza!
Mabel: No! [runs over Dipper]
Dipper: Ow! [holding Mabel's legs] Mabel, let go of the pizza!
Mabel: No! It's for the customer!
Dipper: Mabel! Huh? [they catch sight of a tornado nearby] Let go of the pizza! [gets lifted up into the tornado]
Mabel: No!
Dipper: Mabel! [looks down and screams] Hang onto the pizza! [The tornado spits them both out, and both scream while falling down. Mabel uses the pizza as a parachute but Dipper falls hard onto the ground] Hey! Hey! [crawls up to the screen] Where's the road? Where's the road? [a tumbleweed rolls by] We're doomed! How are we gonna get home, which way do we go? [Mabel lands] What are we gonna do now? There's no road here!
Mabel: I think town's this way. [points]
Dipper: Oh, don't tell me, Jethro. The pioneers?
Mabel: That's right. [points to a mossy rock] Moss always points to civilization.
Dipper: That way? That way there? [Mabel nods] So let me get this straight... you think that we should go that way?
Mabel: [nods again] Yep.
Dipper: Well, then I'm going this way. [heads the other way]
Mabel: Huh? Dip, wait! I don't think...
Dipper: Trust me, I know where I'm going. [Pans out to show another city in the other direction]
Mabel: [sings] The Mystery Shack pizza is the pizza, absolutivally. [later] pizza... [starts beatboxing] pizza... [later, Mabel is walking backwards.. Later, Mabel sings with blues-rock soul] Mystery-Sha-aa-aa-yaaa-yeah pizza is the pizza, yeah, for you and [falsetto] me-eee-hee-hee-hee! [Later, Dipper and Mabel are weary looking and the former sings exhaustingly]Shack Pizza... for you. Mys... the Myst and the... Shack... pizza... [Later, they are both lying face down in the sand]
Dipper: Mabel, we gotta eat something.
Mabel: I heard in times of hardship, the pioneers would eat corn. [Dipper eats some corn]
Mabel: No, maybe it wasn't corn. [Dipper spits out the corn]
Mabel: Maybe it was sand. No, no, mud.
Dipper: Give me the pizza!
Mabel: Wait, I remember now! It was corn!
Dipper: Give it to me!
Mabel: No! We promised it's for the customer.
Dipper: [fancy music plays] You're right. It's for the customer.
Mabel: Yeah!
Dipper: Maybe we better check on it, make sure it's okay.
Mabel: Well?
Dipper: Just a peek. [opens box]
Mabel: [she shuts it quickly] Okay, it's fine.
Dipper: No, I think I saw something. [opens box] Oh, no. I was wrong. Looks okay. Sure is a fine-looking pizza.
Mabel: [entranced] Yeah...
Dipper: What's that? Is that the cheese?
Mabel: Yeah...
Dipper: And the pepperoni?
Mabel: Yeah...
Dipper: [Mabel slurps] Oh, looks good, huh?
Mabel: [snaps out of it] Wait a second! I know what you're tryin' to do, Dipper! [closes box] I'm not letting you eat the pizza!
Dipper: Give me the pizza!
Mabel: No!
Dipper: Don't make me take it away from you, Mabel!
Mabel: Get away! [runs off]
Dipper: [chases Mabel] Get back here, Mabel! Give me the pizza!
Mabel: No!
Dipper: Mabel!
Mabel: No!
Dipper: Mabel!
Mabel: No!
Dipper: Wait... [he becomes too tired to run]
Mabel: No! No! [runs into Dipper]
Dipper: I want that pizza and you're gonna hand it over one way or another!
Mabel: Look, we're saved!
Dipper: Sure, we're saved. Now give me some pizza!
Mabel: No, really, bro bro, we're saved! We're saved! We're saved! We're saved!
Dipper: Will you cut that out?!
Mabel: [to a conga beat, doing a backflip and some push-ups] Saved, saved, saved, saved! [rips herself apart then the two parts go in circles and then they connect again] Saved-saved, saved-saved! Saved-saved-saved-saved-saved, saved! [Mabel starts doing a conga dance] Saved-saved-saved-saved-saved, saved! Saved-saved-saved-saved-saved, saved! Yes, we are saved!
Dipper: That's just a stupid boulder!
Mabel: It's not just a boulder! [sniff] It's a rock! [cries and hugs the boulder] A rock! A rock! [climbs up it, pants from exhaustion] It's a big beautiful, old rock. [sits on the rock with tears in her eyes, taps the pizza box with her fingers] Oh, the pioneers used to ride these babies for miles! [rubs the rock] And it's in great shape.
Dipper: [angrily] Mabel! Will you forget the stupid pioneers?! Have you ever noticed that there are none of them left? [the camera zooms out] That's because they were lousy hitchhikers, ate corn, and took directions from algae! And now you're telling me, they thought they could drive... [Mabel runs over Dipper with the boulder] ...rocks? [stands up and runs towards Mabel] Hold on there, Jethro!
Mabel: [they stop outside the customer's house] I can't wait to see the look on our customer's face! [rings doorbell, gives a thumbs-up to Dipper]
Customer: [opens the door] Yeah?
Mabel: Congratulations, sir. Your Mystery Shack pizza is here!
Customer: Wow, thanks! I've been dyin' for one of these. It... [he frowns, brief pause]Where's my drink?
Mabel: [confused] What drink?
Customer: [in an angry tone] My drink?! My diet Dr. Pitt Cola? Don't tell me you forgot my drink!
Mabel: [checks through the order, and sees no drink listed.] But, you didn't order any...
Customer: [yelling furiously] How am I supposed to eat this pizza without my drink?!
Mabel: But... but... [tears start rolling down her face]
Customer: Didn't you ever once think of the customer?! [throws the pizza box at Mabel's face] You call yourself a delivery girl?! Well, I ain't buyin'! [slams the door. Mabel goes over to Dipper, smiling nervously, shaking, and trying not to cry]
Dipper: Mabel? [hops off the rock to console Mabel] Mabel? It-It's okay. Mabel? [Dipper tries to ask Mabel what's wrong, but Mabel drops the pizza box, falls over, starts sobbing loudly, and absorbs her tears over and over. Dipper, still concerned points at her still trying to say something to her] Mabel? [Mabel is still crying. This makes Dipper become furious at the customer. He grabs the pizza, marches towards his house, and furiously pounds on the house's door]
Customer: [answers the door, still angry] Another one? Look, I told your little sister I ain't payin' for that!
Dipper: [customer's point of view] Well, this one's on the house! [slams the pizza box in the customer's face]
Mabel: [about to stop crying, but still in tears and lying on the ground] Did he change his mind?
Dipper: [smugly] He sure did. [Mabel stops crying and cheers up] Ate the whole thing in one bite.
Mabel: [smiles and gets up] No drink?
Dipper: Nah.. [both jump up on the rock]
Mabel: Great now We have just enough time to make it back to the Mystery Shack! [backs up the rock where they are instantly at the Mystery Shack]
Dipper: Shack? [screen cuts to black] Oh, my aching head.
