Run of the Mill
As the day stand up on end
You've got me wondering how I lost your friendship
But I see it in your eyes
Though I'm beside you, I can't carry the lame for you
I may decide to get out with your blessing
Where I'll carry on guessing.
- George Harrison
For the first time in her life, Amy Rose was feeling nervous about a date.
Well, techincally it wasn't a real date-date. Not an outspoken one, anyway. But for once Amy didn't feel the need to address it as such. When she'd spoken to Cream about it she'd merely said she was meeting up with Sonic for some well needed catching up, an outdoor picnic between just the two of them. To Amy, the word date was unnecessary - of course it was a date, of course it was…
She was no more than a minute early to the time they'd agreed upon the previous night over telephone. Still, there was the all too faniliar feeling of worry settling into her mind as she swept with her gaze across the meadow. Wildflowers, the distant smell of salty ocean waves and the radiant sunshine beating down upon her could offer no comfort at a time like this. The feeling that she'd be left standing there for hours upon hours, awaiting a gust of wind that would never come, overcame her as each second dragged on within that mere minute of uncertainty.
He won't come.
Of course he'll come.
He's forgotten.
He'd never forget.
Past experiences suddenly mattered very little to Amy.
Yet, before she'd prepared for either which outcome, the minute had inevitably already passed.
"Amy..!"
Like a recently sprung flower, Amy leapt into a surprised jolt. Twisting herself around to the caller of her name - and that voice was one she'd recognize even if she'd live to be a hundred. Then, for what felt like forever ago, an actual, genuine giggle escaped her as she came to face her date and—
Oh, Chaos…
She'd almost forgotten just how breathtaking his apperance was, and the effect it had on her. His shimmering pools of brightest emerald that beheld her in such warmth that she thought her heart just might melt. His lopsided smile accompanied by a slightly raised eye ridge that only just about revealed to you the true nature of a cocky daredevil. His entire posture as he rested on the heels of his shoes while casually having his arms slung behind his head, tilting his head a bit to the side.
"S-Sonic…" Amy muttered under her breath, but due to her sudden bashfulness his name came out sounding as if she'd just asked a question.
"What? Sursprised to see me actually arriving on time for once?"
"No… Well, okay, maybe a little."
"Heh, fair enough. I guess I don't have the best track record for showing up to… eh, these sort of things."
Amy had half a mind of spelling the word out for him, to assert the situation properly and press Sonic to at least admit to the smallest of truths, but at the last second decided not to. She didn't wish to make him uncomfortable, at least not this early on in their reunion. The moment would arise for such things later, she figured.
It began simple enough. He graciously offered to carry the picnic basket for her to which she accepted with a surge of tingle through her body as their hands briefly touched in the exchange. Then, to tease him, she ran up the hill faster and pulled a victorious pose as if just having finished a foot race first place, which earned her a boyish chuckle in response.
He smiled at her.
She smiled back.
As they laid out the dishes and the forks and knives on the red and white checkered quilt, they stole brief glances at one another. With Amy's revealing everything and Sonic's nothing.
As it was.
While nibbling on a sandwhich each, Sonic ceased the moment to strike up a lighthearted conversation concerning Amy's latest endevours—"So, is it finally time for me to hear all about 'Amy Rose's Incredcible Roadtrip of a lifetime'?" He made a sweeping gesture at her before settling down more comfortably upon his side with his head propped up by his hand and elbow. Then, to complete the picture he widened his eyes while batting his eyes excessively as if to really let her now he now had his full and undivided attention. A bright smile accompanied the short string of giggles Amy let out at his thearatics. She had in fact looked forward to telling him about it, but was at the same time a little anxious since she knew it was nothing compared to the usual grand adventures Sonic often found himself in. Surely he'd consider a trip without any epic battles, daring rescues or even so much as a single near-death situation boring. But to her surprise, and to his credit, Sonic actually listened with utmost attentiveness as well as genuine interest. Asking the odd question here and there and humming and awing at the appropiate places in the story.
Once Amy's voice faded and she took a huge clunk of lemonade from her untouched glass, Sonic was left contemplating all that he'd just been told.
They joy and sense of freedom she'd expressed between the lines had been hard to miss.
He tried to come up with something clever to say that would summarize his impression of it all, but strangely could only think of how much he'd missed her voice and how much more he'd come to miss her voice once they parted.
"That really was something." Sonic finally forced out, carefully masking each word with rising enthusiasm.
"Sorry, I didn't mean for it to drag on so much! I've just really been looking forward to telling you all about it!"
"And I've been looking forward to hearing it. I told you I would, didn't I?"
"You did.."
Amy set her glass down, and just then their hands happened to touch once more. With a renewed sense of boldness, she dared grasp Sonic's underneath her own, holding them as one before searching his face for a reaction. However, as if her subconcious had already forseen the blank expression that met her, she hastily began speaking again—"B-but enough about me, hehe..! Now I wanna know what you've been up to these couple of months. I bet you've been giving Eggman a well deserved hard time since we came back, huh-huh? Am I right?"
The hint of mania that crept itself into her tone of voice surprised her.
Yet, her heart had also began to pick up its pace.
It was as if she was already trying to piece together something very significant that had yet to fall apart…
All the while, Sonic kept calm, though his facial muscles worked hard on conveying said calm.
"Actually, ol' Egghead's been keeping oddly quiet all this time. No new threats of world domination or nothing." Sonic explained. "I've kept myself busy though, Knuckles has even been letting me guard the Master Emerald a few times… Just to let him test the waters or whatever you call it, you know. Though I think it's more about him wanting to test me, honestly. See if I'm up for the task of temporary guardian - but I'll tell you I feel more like a babysitter once I'm actually up there." While talking he'd made sure to discreetly withdraw his hand from underneath hers, excusing it as a mere reflex as he scratched the back of his head.
Her touch was something he'd longed for, yet dreaded because he knew he'd ultimately have to let go.
Nonetheless, Amy was too busy widening her eyes in genuine surprise at this revelation. "You? Guarding the Master Emerald? Up there on Angel Island? All alone?"
"Yeah, turns out I'm good at it."
Whether he was referring to his abilty of guarding the Master Emerald or being alone, Amy suddenly found herself unable to inquire for some reason.
Instinctively, she settled for that he'd probably meant the former.
"I'm glad Knuckles is allowing himself to trust someone like that. I mean, he certainly deserves a break after all these years, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, though his idea of a vaccation is somewhat different to ours…" Sonic said, a small smile finding its way onto his lips. "Climbing mountains, trekking through endless miles of forests and eating roots for breakfast… Heh, you wouldn't believe half the things he tells me about once he returns. It ain't no sunshine and palmtrees, I'll tell ya'."
"To be fair, I don't think I could even picture Knuckles lounging by the pool on a deck chair with one of those cocktail parasol drinks in hand..!"
They shared a brief for of laughter together at the mental image, and if so only for a moment it seemed as if Amy's internal worries had been for nothing. She even recieved a purely playful and spontaneous poke of her nose by Sonic's index finger, as he seemed to have lost himself for a second. "Yeah, I suppose not." He eventually agreed, more as an afterthought.
Then…
It struck down just like lightning—
"Speaking of which… I've been thinking of taking off, myself. You know, go away someplace nice and far."
"Oh…" Amy's entire face fell for a moment before it instantly lit up again, her voice overflowing with excitment. "Well why didn't you say something sooner? I'll just have to pack a few things and then we can—"
But Sonic interrupted her before she could go on any further. "Not this time, Amy. You'll stay here."
There it was…
"No… No, no, no! You can't...— you can't… I mean..— I'm just as capable as Tails and Knuckles—"
"I know you are, and It's not about that. What I meant was that I'm going away. Alone." Sonic clarified, speaking each word with careful delibiration. "Far apart from each other."
A fresh yet suddenly very distant memory flickered forth within Amy's mind. The two of them had been sitting together just like now. But on a different hill. On a different day. Under different circumstances. In a different life, it felt like.
"—Even though… it may take us far apart."
Absentmindedly, Amy's hand wandered over to the petals of a daisy that grew just within reach.
Her hand didn't faze through.
She was real.
She was still here.
"If- If this is about what I said… - back on Kronos Island… Sonic, I didn't mean it like— I thought you understood…"
"I do." Sonic said, his eyes straying towards the horizon. "And I agree that we should probably take some time apart. All of us. I mean, look what good it's done for Tails, already. His confidence must've grown several feet once he got back from his own little adventure. Not to mention Knucks - being off that rock once in a while has really loosened him up, I think he even cracked a smile at me last time I saw him."
Amy blinked. She knew all those things to be true, she'd visited Tails a mere couple of days ago at his workshop. Hard at work with blueprints for a new and bigger bi-plane. And even though she'd had not yer had the oppertunity to venture up to Angel Island to see Knuckles, she could very much imagine how the effects of recieving some much needed freesom could have had on him. Indeed, she was very glad for their sakes… Still, none of that had anything to with her and Sonic's relationship. Her journey had taken them apart, and sure, it had lasted a while longer than she herself had initialy planned… But—
She was here now.
He was here now.
They were together.
And, at least for Amy, it had been clear as day that once reunited - they would never again part as friends, but as something far more.
Had she completely misread him back there upon Kronos Island all those months ago?
Was she once again being sent back down?
No, it couldn't be…
"Amy?"
Sonic's gentle voice cut through the silence just as harshly as if he'd shouted, bringing Amy back to reality with a single phrase instantly leaving her lips in the same second—
"Sonic, I love you."
Now it was Sonic's turn to fall silent. His brows rose in surprise as he was momentarily taken aback by the genuineity in both Amy's voice and expression. The words themselves wasn't shocking or even worth much of note. She might as well have commented on the weather. He'd heard her utter those three words more times than he cared to count - had been both blurted out at him as well as whispered in the most tender of tones. At times they'd affected him in a way he couldn't begin to explain, even to himself. Some times they'd sent him running for the hills. Though most of the times they simply stunned him into brief silence while he tried to figure out the purpose of them being uttered.
The response Sonic at long last settled for was a mixture between understanding and questioning—"I know, Ames?"
"I want to spend the rest of my life by your side, wherever it may be."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I can't live without you."
"Amy."
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I—"
"Just stop, all right?"
"Tell me then, tell me why I can't come with you? Is it because you think I'm not good enough?"
"It's not about that—"
"Then what's it about?!" Amy cried in such a sudden outburst that the both of them were momentarily rendered speechless. Tears had formed in the corners of her eyes, but neither of them reached out to wipe them away,
"You know what it's about. And I'm tired of going on pretending like maybe if I give it some more time you'll finally accept what you and I both already know to be the truth."
"Well, then you're wrong..! What I know is that you and I were destined to be together. Ever since I was eight years old I've known that. My fortune cards showed me that we were soul mates long before either of us were even born, and I—"
"Please, don't bring those silly cards into this. I make my own destiny, Ames..!" Sonic shot back, no longer as gentle as he'd meant to. Mad at the situation. Mad at her deflecting. Mad at himself for snapping at her. Still, he carried on—"We didn't meet because some stars and planets aligned a certain way or because the moon was in it's third phase, or whatever..! You were kidnapped! Kidnapped by a pshycotic robot version of me that easily could've ended up killing you, all simply because you happend to stand too close. Because I was standing too close!" After awhile as he seemed to have collected himself somewhat, adding a bit more lowly— "There is no such thing as 'soul mates', at least not in my world."
Amy asked the question she wasn't too sure she wanted an answer to. The mere thought of an answer caused her voice to crack of sheer and utter helplessness that ended up as a pained whisper— "... Do you regret it? Do you regret having met me, in the first place?
A frown appeared on Sonic's features, sending her a reproacful look, as if he was offended by the mere suggestion of it, but also suddenly very tired. "Don't be riddculous..."
"You're right.. I'm sorry."
And she truly did mean it, the hurt in Sonic's eyes as she'd said it was more than enough to drown her in shame and guilt. A silence so painful that she daren't face him grew between them like poisonous thorns - so she looked down, clasping her arms around her quivering knees. The silent tears staining her dress. She was wondering whether to call it quits right then and there - get up and apologize for the whole thing, blame it all on tiredness, that she hadn't slept properly for a few nights and that it might be better for them both to meet back at another time instead… perhaps when he'd get back from wherever he planned to go would be a better time to straigthen this out. Leave herself guessing for a couple of more months wasn't something she hadn't done before. She was used to it. She could do it again!
… Or could she?
Today had been supposed to be the day.
But then again, there had many of those "days" before.
Sonic's voice cut through the thorns, gentle once more.
"Amy, you've got so much love to offer people - to the world. Please, don't waste it on me. Because you know I'll never be able to reciprocate it, not in any proper way, anyhow."
"We love each other, why isn't that enough for you?"
"Ames—"
"Don't." She cut him off before he could even begin, because she'd heard his excuses just one too many times. "Just… don't. Please, all I ask is for you to say that you love me too. Just this once…"
Another painfilled silence passed.
Long enough for hope to turn to ash.
For more tears to spill.
"Would it hurt too much to say it?"
Finally Sonic looked up to meet Amy's eyes.
"No, it hurts to know that even if I did, it still wouldn't change anything."
And he was right.
Amy had just gotten an indirect confirmation of something she'd longed for as far back as she could remember. Something she'd dreamed of for so many, many years now. Yet, she could not feel even a shred of joy as the words left his lips. Because he spoke them as if he was speaking of someone else, of some stranger's feelings and not his own. As if none of it really concerned him. Her eyes were empty, downcast at her still quivering knees. To no avail, she tried wiping off the infernal tears from her dress - the stains remained as proof that they'd been there.
"I see..." Was all she could think of to say.
An endless moment passed while an even deeper void had began to breach itself between them.
"It's not about you, Amy."
"I know it's not - nothing's ever about me - It's about the world. But you have to understand that whereas I would choose you over the world, I've always known that you can't do the same. I've never asked you to, and you'll never hear me ask it of you either." Amy said truthfully, a truth which gave her the courage to finally turn her head back towards him and gaze into his emerald eyes. "I want you to be happy, Sonic, and I only ask if making this choice will make you happy?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Does it really matter? I mean is my potential happiness worth more than the entire world?"
It was meant as a rhetorical question but Amy purposefully shot it right back at him with a broken voice that revealed all the care and love she held for this her one and only. "I don't know, is it?"
Yet again, Sonic frowned but his voice was softer when he answered this time around. "No, it's not." That was the truth. The only truth he knew for certain.
"Look, Amy, I know that one day you'll make some lucky guy the happiest man on Mobius, and—"
"And maybe one day you'll find a girl that's worth giving up the world for."
It was a low blow, and Amy immediately regretted having said it before the last word had even left her lips. For she knew, despite how misguided or dellusional his intention may be, that it was purely out of kindness and nothing else that he'd spoken. He honestly thought that she could one day find herself content living with someone that wasn't him. That the face of her Prince Charming - her one true love in life - was not actually his, but someone else's. That the true knight in shining armor had not yet swept her off her feet. That her catcher in the rye would perhaps be the person who some day pulls her back up from the result of this very conversation.
Was she in fact already walking straight ahead towards the edge of the cliff?
Perhos she been doing so ever since that day upon Kronos Island.
Sonic, however, let the comment slide as he instead took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as his eyes closed. When he finally spoke again his voice was barely above a whisper and sounded about a thousand year old. As if his next words were something he'd twisted and turned around in his head a million times before, and thus had grown tired of indulging a long time ago. "You don't understand… don't understand what it's like, not like I've—…What would I do if the worst ever were to happen to you? Becuase of me? Too many times I've had to contemplate the possibility, already. If some day I'd lose you for real - for good. I—" Words failed him as he for a split second seemed to get swallowed by his own mind. Flashes of memories only he saw before his glazed eyes while he struggled to keep the world around him in focus. Without realizing it his hands were suddenly clutching at the picinc blanket's edges. "… I wouldn't be able to go on."
Noticing the subtle shift, Amy made an attempt to reach for Sonic's right hand, but he instantly moved it out of her reach. Her touch was too soft - too comforting, a comfort he didn't deserve nor desired at the moment. Because he couldn't let any false hope plant itself inside her heart - or his own.
"I don't care about any of it." Was what he got in response, the hint of desperation in Amy's voice more evident than before. "All I want is to be by your side, I don't care where or how as long as I'm with you, nothing else matters. Why can't you understand that?"
"Life isn't that easy, Amy. Sometimes what we want isn't what's best for us - what we need."
"But I do need you, Sonic, I do... Oh, If only you knew, I need you so much..!"
"No you don't." And Sonic got surprised at how easily he could admit to the fact. Maybe he'd always known. Known already from the moment he'd met her that his presence in her life would not end well. Either he became the death of her or she became the death of him. The latter had of course consistently been a factor ever since Metal Sonic first got his claws on her but maybe he should've realized sooner that the former had been a possibility for far too long as well. "What you need is a boyfriend that won't abandon you, that can take you out on dates and always put you first, cause that's what you truly deserve. There are plenty of guys out there, Ames, just waiting for a girl like you. I'm sure if you just gave it a shot… you'd soon forget all about me."
He might as well have just gone and reached out to slap her across the face.
Though the pain was nowhere near to be meassureable to that.
The last glimmering light in Amy's eyes flickered and died.
"You don't know how much it hurts to hear you say that..." She whispered. "As if I ever could-.. as if I'd ever be able to-" But her voice fell silent, too upset to continue. She seemed to have faded before him, like a rose that withers because it can't manage to stand against the cold.
Amy Rose wilted before Sonic's very eyes and there was nothing he could do about it.
"I knew this would happen. You knew it would happen, didn't ya'?"
No answer came.
Feeling that there was nothing left in the world to be said, Sonic got up to his feet, ready to take off and not look back for a very long time. He was going to forget about all of it - about her, about his feelings and this stupid idea of thinking that he could somehow make a graceful exit out of her life. If he could just put enough distance between him and her then he wouldn't have to care about her any longer. She'd be someone else's problem now. Someone else's burden to carry. Someone else's to love with such heavy certainity that one might actually break underneath the weight of it.
And maybe it would've worked if he hadn't made the mistake of looking back.
Amy hadn't moved an inch, not even so much as flinched at his sudden movement. The picnic would end in complete solitude, with nothing but the setting sun to keep her company. No one would dry those tears off her sweet face. No one would walk her home. But someday someone would, at least that was what Sonic told himself. That notion and that notion only, gave him the strength to not surrender. To not go back each and every last word, take her into his arms and tell her those three words that would hurt so much, yet change everything once uttered.
"Amy, it'll be okay… I mean, you're still my friend. My bestest friend, alright? Nothing will ever change that."
"It's you that decides…"
Then-
He ran.
And only he'd arrive.
At his own made end.
