Author's Note:
Dearest readers, I hope you enjoy today's chapter! I appreciate your ongoing support as we near the first ten chapter checkpoint. As of right now, we are still on one chapter every two weeks. Onward we go!
Sincerely,
~ Sparks
ADVISORY:The following chapter contains sensitive material relating to: Trauma. Remember to practice self care before, during, and after reading.
Chapter: 156 Suspended
- ACCESSING IMPERIAL NETWORK -
IHC: Imperial High Command to Admiral Talee
Talee: I read you, command.
IHC: Battle report.
Talee: We were ambushed by Rebels while traveling through the Nebula. They must've intercepted our transmissions. It is my firm belief that this route has been compromised. While the TIEs were delivered safely, alternative routes should be utilized for future shipments.
IHC: Well done, Admiral Talee. Your reputation precedes you. Permission is granted to utilize other spacelanes. It appears the Rebellion is more resourceful than anticipated. We will run a full scan of our frequencies and remind the scum of their place in the Emperor's system.
Loss was no anomaly to the Rebel Alliance. Years of forging an army amid ashes and being on the run had showed how common defeat was. And yet no matter how many hits the Alliance endured, they were never fully numbed to it all. It all felt like a cruel, cold game. That every one victory came with three losses. That those same victories felt like miracles instead of earned spoils. The Alliance would have euphoric moments, believing they had the Empire on its heels. Then they'd take a catastrophic hit, and the cycle would repeat all over again. But betwixt their gamble of cause and struggle, everyone knew what they signed up for. They knew, and deep down...hated it. "No victory without sacrifice" was a noble phrase to live by for those leading from afar. The words were hollow to those on the ground, who'd never know a calm sleep again. Who couldn't wash their eyes of those killed, for their hands were equally bloody.
Home One continued its eerie glide across the darkness of space. While the rest of the fleet soared under the lead vessel, not a single ship was launched. Engines slowed as comms transmitted between each frigate. Mon Mothma's somber words reached every speaker, detailing the names and ranks of those lost in the failed strike. Any amount of honeyed words following such a statement was merely a formality. Mon was still hurting from the loss herself, and couldn't fathom the Alliance recovering sooner. But if experience had taught her anything, it was that she could only lead broken spirits with a bold heart. Keeping her composure, Mon rallied the other Alliance leaders and made a collective decision.
Anna Dellian was brought before Home One's command bridge. Its briefing room had been cleared for only her and the leaders. Anna had experienced her share of meetings from the current civil war to the Jedi Order. Unless she'd succeeded in any occasion, these meetings were never a good sign. Folding her hands together, Anna tried to read the judgmental expressions of those around her.
General Calrissian's typical, jovial demeanor had simmered. In its place rose a twitching angst. As if the group had already come to a decision and he wanted to get it over with. Admiral Ackbar kept up a stern and immovable glower. His bulbous eyes would scan over Anna before returning to the holotable. Mon Mothma looked as though she'd rebuilt a number of sentences in her mind. And as each approach changed, so too did her tense expression. Princess Leia appeared to be the least wound up. Instead of carrying the council's heaviness, she assigned full responsibility to herself. Her furrowed brows carried the deaths weighing on her mind. And as Leia tightly shut her eyes, she visualized the mission all over again. A deep breath kept her grounded in the present. As Leia looked at Anna, she knew none of their words would come off easy.
Unafraid to be blunt, Admiral Ackbar broke the silence. "Anna Dellian, every member of an operation plays a pivotal role. When that link is ignored, catastrophe strikes. You realize this, yes?"
"Ye-" Anna hesitated and thought on the gravity of the situation. She had no heavy rebuttal...no assertive quip. "Yes," she concluded.
"And you do realize that the operation failed without your ability to fulfill your duty." Ackbar didn't let up. He continued even before Anna could answer. "That soldiers are dead because of you. Good soldiers-"
"I know!" Anna blurted. Her hands continued to tremble as she spoke out. "I've been to war before. I've lost good soldiers all the same. None of it is easy."
Mon could tell Anna was at a breaking point and chose to soften the blow. "Anna," she sighed. "You've aided the Alliance greatly over the years. And you served the lost Republic in ways that none of us will ever grasp."
"That doesn't excuse things," Lando murmured. "Every battle we lose gives the Empire an upper hand."
"I am truly to blame," Leia interrupted. "It was my operation, and therefore my responsibility to assure that all of my operatives were clear. I was too trusting."
"I don't understand," Anna professed. "I understand my failure in this, but what does that have to do with being cleared?"
Mon shook her head, realizing Anna was still in denial. "You may not be willing to see what we do yet, but this is for the best." Anna raised a brow, yet braced for Mon's conclusion. "Anna Dellian," she spoke sternly. "This council deems you mentally unfit for combat and hereby suspends your status as a soldier."
"What?" Anna blurted. "Come on. Don't you think that's a stretch? You need me out there. You-"
"People are dead." Mon's assertive tone had Anna simmering down. "I understand that you're no stranger to loss. You might even be numbed to it from the Clone Wars. But these soldiers had spouses and families. When we cannot perform our duties to best guide and defend them, it's time to go."
Anna didn't know whether to be insulted by the downplaying of clone deaths or still aching over the suspension. "Everyone in this meeting is a military leader," she uttered. "And therefore has gotten people killed. So we should all be suspended by that logic!"
"This isn't the same," Leia interjected. "Anna, you've been fighting wars from a young age. More so than any of us have. Eyewitness descriptions of your 'episodes' on the battlefield indicate that it may all be catching up with you. This suspension isn't permanent, but you are assigned to other duties until you are cleared again. This is as much about your health as it is about the troops you command. Please don't make this worse."
Anna had no energy for the counterpoints sparking within. Instead, she angrily turned and stormed out of the bridge. A Rebel vanguard sought to escort her, but she angrily waved her hand. "I fine," she grumbled. Her aggression faltered as she observed her continuously twitching hand.
"This can't be happening," Anna murmured as she trudged down Home One's hallways. Kristoff was on her heels, all while she angrily flailed a datapad. "Suspended from all combat operations," Anna read over the medbay's assessment. "Reassigned to janitorial duties. Are you kidding me?"
"It won't be permanent," Kristoff assured.
"That's not the point," Anna sighed and finally came to a halt. "I've been through this all before. I've been unwell, physically and mentally. I've healed from all of that in so many ways, so why the hell does it feel like I'm back at square one?"
Kristoff put an arm around her. "I'm sorry for all that's happening. But I think you also need to give yourself some grace." He looked into her eyes and spoke earnestly. "Anna, you've been through more than most since a very young age. It's understandable for all of that combat and survival stress to catch up to you."
"Why me?" Anna countered.
"I don't know," Kristoff admitted. "But I do know that while you've been through a lot, you've also overcome so much. I've always looked up to your resilience, and I know it will guide you through this."
Anna let her frustrations quell. "Thanks for believing in me," she said. "I will be back. Count on it."
"There's the Anna I know," Kristoff lauded and pulled her into an embrace. "Take it one step at a time. You'll be back in the fight before you know it."
"I'm just worried," Anna said. "That while I'm busy recovering, people might get hurt and I won't be there to help."
"Anna," Kristoff huffed. "People got hurt with you present. Right now your biggest priority should be healing yourself, then you can help the Alliance again."
Tired from the stress of it all and Kristoff's repeated reassurances, Anna yielded. They shared another hug before he was to return to the barracks. As Anna's hands slid out of his grasp, she found herself yearning for more. When she thought of him, she found herself experiencing an inviting feeling of comfort. Before she could elaborate on the new feelings, Anna heard several tools clunking down the hall.
"You must be Anna Dellian," a Rebel said. Dressed in a standard issue, khaki jumpsuit...the janitor was roughly Anna's age. Tufts of luminous white hair yielded to shaved sides. While their appearance was jovial and welcoming, Anna found herself most transfixed on their eyes. Those pools of gentle brown held many pains amid their benevolence. Still the janitor found a reason to smile and extended a hand. Aurebesh tattoos could be seen crawling down their arm and under a dusty glove. "The higher ups said you'd be coming. I'm your work partner on this level."
Anna took a deep breath and accepted her fate. She offered a halfhearted handshake and glanced up at the janitor. "That's great...umm..."
"Call me Ash," the worker answered. "You're just in time. This level is filthy. Come on, I'll show you how to work a durascrub." Anna sulked in submission and followed Ash to a metal cart. Broad, rusting cylinders bubbled together as Ash reached for a nozzle. As they pulled it from the device, a flexible tube swiveled from its underside. "One for you, one for me." Anna clasped the nozzle while Ash snatched their own. "Green button will give you suction. Blue secretes the cleaning agent. Should you ever get cocky and overload the durascrub, twist the red knob quick."
Anna didn't even offer an answer. She simply nodded and began her monotonous duty. She and Ash split across the corridor, each using a nozzle to eliminate filth. With each advancement, the tubes rattled with chunks of grime. The central cylinders fizzed and clanged from the new additions their interiors. Ash could see Anna's silent distress. The Jedi's somber gaze looked down the hall until Ash stopped her.
"Hey," they said. "Head down."
"There's just so much to clean," Anna grumbled.
"And it will be cleaned." Ash assured. "But right now, focus on where you are. Head down." Anna reluctantly followed their instructions and looked down at the grime before her. "That's the mess in front of you right now," Ash explained. "And that's all you have control of in this moment. Scrub." Anna took a deep breath and obliged. As she scrubbed just below her, she tried to let her mind wander from the grueling task.
Ash had clearly been a janitor on Home One for quite some time. They knew every corner and crevasse to clean up. Yet even while they finished ahead of Anna, they always patiently waited for her to catch up. Sweat dripped from the tip of Anna's nose. Keeping her head down, she angrily pushed through to keep scrubbing. When her arms grew tired, she forced herself to push harder. She let the frustrations over her predicament guide her as she cleaned with pursed lips. But Anna rounded a corner too quickly, and felt the tube yank her back. Unwilling to be held back by even a cleaning device, Anna lunged forward. But instead of bringing the machine to her, she only severed the vacuum tube. Anna glared at the broken nozzle in her hand while gunk and violet cleaning agent leaked over the floors.
"Kriffing hell!" Anna growled and threw her nozzle against the wall. She braced for the incoming shatter, but Ash had matched her energy. They'd leaned over just in time and caught the nozzle in midair.
"Hey," Ash spoke calmly. "Outbursts aren't going to help. How much better did throwing this make you feel?" Anna's silence had Ash nodding. "That's what I thought." They easily reattached the nozzle to its tube and handed it back. "We can clean this up," Ash assured. "I'll help."
Anna briefly stared off in disbelief over Ash's calm state. Out of options, she released the rest of her anger through flared nostrils and moved to help. Within a matter of minutes, the mess was contained in the durascrub's cylinders. "See?" Ash said and wiped the sweat from their brow. "That's always a good feeling. We can always clean the messes we make with clear heads."
"I'm sorry," Anna admitted. "I just really don't want to be here."
Ash simpered. "And yet you are." Anna raised a brow, initially taking the reply as an insult. Yet nothing about Ash's demeanor seemed mocking. They were so calm, that they seemed almost droid-like.
"Yes?" Anna murmured.
"So that's all that matters," Ash shrugged. "You're here right now in this very moment. That's all you have control of. Like the hallway, you'll never scrub it all if you're focused on the whole mess. All you can do-" Ash leaned towards Anna and brought their nozzle to hers. They smirked and awaited Anna's reply.
"All I can do is clean what's in front of me." Anna mumbled.
"Now you're getting it," Ash rejoiced and started scrubbing alongside her.
Anna couldn't fully grasp her situation. She knew she was suspended, but she didn't expect to have a cleaning partner. With Ash came a mystified sense of bewilderment. Anna had worked through many a haunting thought in her time. But she'd never seen someone as calm as Ash before. She wondered how it was possible for a member of the Alliance to keep such a level and almost whimsical head amid wartime. As the duo sanitized another hallway, Anna realized that only time would tell where this circumstance led.
BEHIND THE SCREENS FROZEN FORCE TRIVIA
1. Ash is the story's first openly nonbinary character. I wanted them to be human, as many nonbinary and trans characters are portrayed as aliens or machines in fiction. Ash is just a person, and that is more than enough as is.
Author's note: Thank you so much for reading this week's chapter of "The Frozen Force." I'll see you on Friday, April 11th for Chapter: 157 "The Butcher."
Long Live Imagination and May the Force be with you,
~ Sparks
