A FEW THINGS TO NOTE:
This will be written as told only from Deadpool's perspective. As such, certain scenes from the films that I don't have Deadpool featured in will not appear. I will also be changing a few scenes as well.
I'm altering Deadpool's healing factor so that he can regenerate parts of his body a lot faster than usual for the sake of a surprise that I have planned that I won't spoil here.
For the sake of ease with characters who share the same first name, every time I introduce a character, I'll use their full name. For following use, they'll be referred to by either their first name or surname, based on which is more recognizable for the character.
'Nuff said. Let's Begin!
CHAPTER 1
March 14, 2018. That was the date Wade Wilson was applying for the most important position of his life: becoming an Avenger. Coming off his time travel shenanigans that included resurrecting his killed wife Vanessa, getting rid of his 'Weapon XI' variant in front of a confused Logan, and "persuading" Ryan Reynolds to not accept the role of Green Lantern in a movie, Wade then used Cable's time-travel watch to arrive to Stark Tower in the alternate Earth-616.
"I can't believe I'm finally here," Wade exclaimed, "I waited for this moment for so long."
He was wearing a business suit, complete with necktie and briefcase, sitting down in an office chair across from a desk from Tony Stark's head of security, Happy Hogan.
"Thank you sir, for seeing me. I firmly believe… that my service could be of… great use to your organization. Now I know… I was caught smashturbating in the lobby of Stark Tower, but I can assure you that-"
"Smashturbating?" Happy confusedly interrupted, "I'm sorry, what, what was that?"
"No, I'm sorry. That's when you get those toy Hulk hands, right?" Wade said as he mimics the action, "And then you just, you look down, and you just… you brace yourself and you ravage the midsection-"
"Yeah. Okay, I get it. Okay, thank you," Happy interrupted.
"The picture's painted, you get the gist," Wade quickly mumbled.
"What exactly brings you here today," Happy asked.
"Why am I- Wow. Okay. I care," Wade said. "I know, I turn everything into a joke, but I… I care, and I, I wanna use that feeling… for something important. I, I wanna matter. I need to show my girl that I matter. And… you know, I feel like I'm wasting the good stuff here. Is the man not gonna be joining us?"
"The man?" Happy asked.
"Yeah," Wade said. "I should save this if he's gonna…"
"As far as you're concerned right now, I'm the man," Happy said. "The man is me. I am the man in this circumstance. He doesn't do this kind of thing anymore."
"Cameos?" Wade asked.
"Meetings," Happy answered. "Entry-level meetings."
"Entry-level?" Wade asked. "Aren't you the chauffeur… maybe?"
"Common misconception, okay," Happy said. "I begin my career as Mr. Stark's driver, okay. Quickly pivoted to… "
"Chauffeur…" Wade responded.
"The head of security," Happy answered. "And, why I am vetting your resumé. You seem to have left out whether or not you had… any experience as a member of a team. Could you maybe add a little bit of perspective there?"
"Oh, yes, of course," Wade replied. "I was Special Forces… I was team leader of X-Force. Sadly, they all perished in action though."
"How exactly did that happen?" Happy questioned.
"Well, the police say gravity, but…" Wade answered. "Just between us, they didn't test well in the focus group…particularly Cable."
"I see," Happy said, as he wrote on a piece of paper.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I can see this isn't going well. Please stop writing," Wade stammered. "Look, I, I… I'm just… I wanna be an Avenger."
"Why do you wanna be an Avenger?" Happy asked, puzzled to what Wade just said.
"Look around you. I mean, they're the- they're the best of the best," Wade replied. "And what they do matters. I need to be an Avenger…Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick, and if I don't, you know… turn things around and do something with my gifts… I don't think it's gonna really work out for me… and I wouldn't blame her."
"Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes… that stand for something… more than just fighting and wearing costumes," Happy said. "I mean, people look up to us. Kids look up to us. They-"
"I'm sorry, 'Us'?" Wade interrupted. "I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger."
"Avengers-adjacent, technically-" Happy said.
"Oh, wow. What's your superpower? Is it parallel parking?" Wade snarked, then immediately regretted it. "I'm so sorry, that was cruel. I lash out when I'm nervous, won't happen again. Let's just cut to the chase, please."
"You just said minutes ago… that you wanted to be an Avenger because you need it," Happy asked.
"Yes, sir, I do," Wade replied.
"But the Avengers don't do the job because they need it," Happy said. "They do the job because people need them. Do you see the distinction?"
"Yes, sir," Wade said. "Please, Mr. Hogan. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life like an annoying one-trick pony."
"All right," Happy said, as he began to stand up from his chair.
"Oh, my god," Wade said. "You're standing."
"Yeah, now's the time we stand," Happy said.
"Damn it," Wade muttered, as he stood as well.
"Now, the problem might be that you're… reaching a little, little too high," Happy said. "Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss. Right? I think you got a good heart. I believe what you're saying. But not everybody's the world-saving type. I'm not, and I'm happy. Right? I found my place. Find your place. All right? Get back just out there. We'll keep an eye on you. Good luck."
"Okay," Wade dejectedly said, as he grabbed his briefcase and walked out the door.
As Wade was walking down 43rd Street, he thought about what he was gonna do to prove that he matters to his girlfriend by not just being an unkillable punchline for the rest of his life. He swallowed his pride and decided that it's time to go back to his own home dimension. He began pushing buttons on the time-travel watch but then stopped as he heard chaotic noises beginning to surround the area.
Wade went around the corner near Bleecker Street and his jaw dropped as he witnessed Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Doctor Stephen Strange, and Wong being confronted by two of Thanos' followers, Ebony Maw and Cull Obsidian.
"Hear me and rejoice. You are about to die at the hands of the Children of Thanos," Maw exclaimed. "Be thankful, that your meaningless lives are now contributing to-"
"I'm sorry, Earth is closed today," Stark interrupted. "You better pack it up and get outta here."
"Stone keeper," Maw said, as he looked at Strange. "Does this chattering animal speak for you?"
"Certainly not. I speak for myself," Strange answered. "But you're trespassing in this city and on this planet."
"It means get lost Squidward!" Stark quipped.
"OH MY FUCK!" Wade went back around the corner and ran to the nearest telephone booth. Once he entered, he opened his suitcase to reveal his Deadpool mask, suit, handguns with holsters, and retractable Adamantium-laced katanas. "Just when you think life closes a window…IT LEAVES THE DOOR OPEN FOR A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY!"
After taking a minute to change into his suit, Wade immediately bolts out of the telephone booth, around the corner…only for the rest of them to not be there.
