Was it so much to ask for a little peace and quiet at seven in the damn morning?
Happy Hogan pinched the bridge of his nose, trapped at a red light as Peter filled the car with a relentless stream of words. It was non-stop . Ever since they'd pulled out of the Tower's parking garage, the kid hadn't taken a single breath that wasn't followed by another overly-chatty ramble.
And just yesterday he'd been stuck in the car taking the Keener kid to the airport. And that one had yapped just as much.
Happy had half a mind to crank up the radio just to drown Peter out, but Tony would probably somehow find out and then he'd get an earful about making sure the kid was "comfortable" and "supported" and whatever other nonsense that meant Happy had to suffer.
It baffled him, how quickly Tony had taken to this stray . And yeah, okay, Peter was kind of endearing, in that puppy-dog-eyed, accidentally-genius, annoying-but-somehow-impossible-to-hate way. Happy hadn't forgotten about the mall incident. That had been…unexpected.
But he definitely also had not forgotten about the lab incident, either. He could be 80 years old with dementia and he would still remember that day. He had to toss that suit. The kid could be a menace.
He wanted to believe his boss knew what he was doing, but Tony Stark sometimes had both the emotional maturity and attention span of a gnat. He picked up projects, ran with them at full speed, and then tossed them aside when he got bored.
As pet projects went, this one was a little different. Happy had been surprised when Tony bonded so quickly with the teen. He already had the Keener kid as a sometimes-mentee, after all. But perhaps this was just part of the rich-person maturation process. Eventually they want to rescue a stray that just ends up biting them in the end and then needs rehoming. In this case, it was a super strong stray who was trained to kill. What could go wrong?
This particular stray also had some rather dangerous puppy dog eyes to complete his weapons arsenal. Whether by design or accident, he had Pepper and Tony wrapped around his little finger. They would be really displeased with him if he ever kicked this puppy.
So, Happy endured. It wouldn't last, after all.
"…And I know it's just an orientation, but does that mean we have to, like, introduce ourselves? Because I don't really know what to say if they make us stand up and talk. 'Hi, I'm Peter, I have amnesia, and I like science but I don't really remember learning it'? That'd be weird, right? Too weird? Maybe I should just say I like building things, but then what if someone asks what I've built? I can't exactly say I hang out in Tony Stark's workshop."
"Kid." Happy sighed, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. "Breathe."
Peter blinked. "Oh. Right." He sucked in a quick breath, then let it out too fast. "Okay. Breathing. Good advice. Noted." He tapped his fingers against his knee, leg bouncing rapidly.
Happy exhaled through his nose and shook his head. Tony owes me for this.
Peter, blissfully unaware of Happy's internal suffering, kept going. "Also, what if I don't have any classes with people my age? I mean, my placement test scores were all over the place—Tony said my math scores were ridiculous, but I don't really remember learning any of it. What if I get put in a class full of seniors and they all think I'm some kind of freak genius?"
Happy snorted. "You are some kind of freak genius."
Peter scowled. "That doesn't help, Happy."
"Not here to help, kid. Just here to drive."
Peter made a disgruntled, teenagery noise. "Great. You're a terrific emotional support chauffeur."
Happy grunted. He didn't have time for this. He just needed to get the kid to the school and then he could go back to doing literally anything else.
But when he glanced over, he caught the way Peter was twisting the hem of his hoodie sleeve-Tony's MIT sweatshirt, he noted. And wasn't Tony looking for that? And he noticed how the kid's fingers fidgeted non-stop like he physically couldn't sit still.
Happy's grip on the wheel loosened slightly.
Oh.
The kid was nervous.
Happy sighed, rolling his shoulders as if physically shaking off his own impatience. "Look, kid, it's just an orientation. Nobody's throwing you in front of a panel of judges. You go in, meet some teachers, get a tour, learn your locker combination. It's not that deep."
Peter swallowed, nodding quickly. "Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just…" He hesitated, staring out the window, chewing his lip anxiously. "I don't think I ever went to school. So I don't think I have any, you know, school-related muscle memory?"
Happy frowned.
Peter's voice got quieter. "I feel like I know my way around a lab, even without my memories. But school is something completely new." His gaze flickered toward the rearview mirror, where brown eyes—wide and uncertain—met Happy's.
Happy clenched his jaw.
Ugh. Yeah, he could definitely see how this stray had wormed his way into Tony and Pepper's hearts.
Happy bit back a frustrated growl. "You'll be fine," he said with finality.
Peter chewed his lip as he huddled further down into Tony's sweatshirt, like it was a security blanket. "You sound really sure of that."
"I am."
Happy pulled up to the curb outside the school and threw the car into park. He could already feel the inevitability of it—he was gonna cave, wasn't he?
Damn it.
"You know why?" Happy asked, giving in to his fate.
Peter tilted his head, curious despite himself. "Why?"
Happy jerked his chin toward the building. "Because you made it this far, kid. You walked out of some Hydra hellhole with no memories, landed in Tony Stark's lap, and somehow managed to keep up with the biggest pain-in-the-ass genius on the planet. If you can handle that, you can handle high school."
Peter blinked at him, stunned into momentary silence.
Then he smiled —small, hesitant, grateful.
Happy winced. Damn it. He'd fallen for it.
"That's—wow. Thanks, Happy."
Happy rolled his eyes and barked, "Yeah, yeah. Get outta my car." He had to recover some semblance of control here.
Peter startled and fumbled unbuckling his seatbelt. Inexplicably, he pulled off Tony's sweatshirt and stuffed it carefully into his backpack before getting out. Just before he shut the door, he hesitated. "You'll be back at noon, right?"
"Don't worry. I won't leave you stranded in a den of hormonal teenagers." Happy shuddered. "Tony won't let me."
Peter grinned. "Appreciate it." He shut the door.
Happy watched as the kid squared his shoulders, took a deep breath, and headed inside.
He waited until Peter disappeared into the building before pulling away, rubbing his hand over his face.
Tony Stark owed him so much for this.
