Incident Report: [REDACTED]

Date: [REDACTED]

Addendum: Interview


Miss Bitters: Yesss, I've met the Stans…their smell of past despairs reminds me of my previous exes, intoxicating, before…expiring.

Agent Trigger reel back a bit as Miss Bitter's gave a very malicious and downright demonic smile.

Notes: Get the boys in the lab give Miss Bitters a DNA test, I doubt she is even human or a standard human.


Mr Elliot: Ah yes, I'm Gaz's teacher! Good kid, just a bit of an attitude problem!

Agent Power: You call…multiple cases of assault, verbal abuse and vandalism as just a bit of an attitude problem?

Mr Elliot: Eh, it's just a phase, even though I wasn't always sunshine and happy!

Agent Power: The report says Miss Gazlene once threw a chair at you for trying to politely tell her that class was not the time for eating.

Mr. Elliot: It's fine.

Notes: The Membrane girl likely has sociopathic tendencies, and must be psych evaluated after re-capture.


Agent Power: You're…best friends with this Zim?

Keef: Yes!

Agent Power: And the alien console with you?

Keef: Yes!

Agent Power: Didn't you state you didn't know he was an alien before the party night ruckus?

Keef: Yes! And I accept him the way he is!

Agent Power rubbed his nose in exasperation


Trigger rubbed his temples.

Agent Trigger: Let me get this STRAIGHT. You were kidnapped by the Abductors to…tape things on you?

Robbie was taped with many MANY random junks and objects around him so much that he looked like a pile of junk than a human and could not even speak, just let out muffled cries.

Robbie: MUFFFF! MUFFF! mmmmmmmfff!

Notes: The emo would be fine, though it would take a few hours to take off the junks on him and considering the tape used he is likely to lose a lot of hair and have red marks around his body so no need for alarm if you hear screams of pain for a few hours.


Gideon looks nervous and was sweating

Gideon: Well….I'm mean, we all had our phases right?

Agent Power: You call driving a mecha in your liking and kidnapping your crush and declare her as your wife and trying to kill the said crush and her brother multiple times a phase?

Gideon gave a weak smile as he became sweaty even more.

Agent Power: You would be lucky to not be sent to a Junior Care.


[DATA EXPUNGED]

Notes: Following attempted assault by Daniel Corduroy and his sons, they are to be kept in their containment for now.


Zita: I mean…now knowing all of this I feel bad. Maybe…things would have been different if I tried to be you know, more understanding toward Dib? You have to understand even before Zim he wasn't exactly a popular guy for how intense and accusatory he was, especially with that Big Foot incident driving that poor boy into quitting. Even still…seeing how mellowed out he became ever since he became buddies with that Pines and getting together with Gretchen and the whole Alternate Universe Hybrid ruckus thing made me realize that all this time he was alone and hurting and this was his way of gathering attention…

She sighed in regret

Zita: Just…please don't be hard on him, unlike his sister, he didn't choose to be an outcast.


Francine: Oh I still dream about my blue-eyed coat-wearing dream boy I saw in Summerween coming to kidnap me~

Francine fluttered her eyes as Agent Power looked at her weirded out.

Notes: She needs psych evaluation.


Chunk was weeping

Chunk: Zim made me eat my goldfish and the Pines girl is meeeean…..!

Agent Trigger stuffed and tried very hard to not laugh


Peyoopi: I didn't mind the weirdness


Candy: WHY BOYS WON'T LIKE MEEE!?!?


Penny: Dipper is MINE! That blonde bimbo and red broad can suck it!


Grenda: Ha! That purple girly is not so tough! In a fight between me and her? I WIN!

Grenda flex her arm

Agent Trigger: That's not what I…

He groans as he puts his head into his hand.


Nate: Sorry, you have to ask Lee instead.


Lee: Nah-ah, Dipper is like a little brother to me, I'm ain't snitching on him to Government's Spooks!


Priscillia: I only will talk to my lawyer


Mary: I still can't comprehend that Dib was ACTUALLY saying the truth or half of the weirdness I have seen here in the past few days…am I on drugs? Can you please take a test on me?


Jessica scoffed

Jessica: No comment only that both Zim and Dib are equally crazed weirdos a match made in OddHell! Is it any wonder why their friends are just as weird as them?


Letty: I didn't do anything!


Spoo just blinks


Letter M: I honestly thought Dib was the alien not Zim, he had a big cranium like the little gray men and he was too quick to judge others as "paranormal". Oh, is the Roosevelt Alien Crash true? Do Grays really exist!?

Agent Power: That's classified.


Smackey: No I didn't know Dipper well, wished I knew only a true chad like him can get any girls he likes.


Carl:No matter if I get a girlfriend or not, I'm still going to be the guy after DIB FREAKING MEMBRANE!

Carl groans in frustration


Alex: How was I supposed to know Dib was saying the truth not being insane?!?


Thompson is at the verge of puking from the sheer nervousness

Thompson: uhhh…I'm gonna throw up!

Agent Trigger: DON'T YOU DARE– !!


Poonchy: Is it because of tax fraud!? I swear I had NOTHING to do with my uncle!


Rob: Yeah, I always knew he was an alien, I just didn't want to prove Dib right.

Agent Power: How magnanimous of you.


Flan: Just because Keef and that overly optimistic care mentioned 'Flans' does not mean it has something to do with me!


Melvin: hee, hee, hee. If you send me to prison can you please send a mugshot of me to my parents? They're gonna have a heart attack!


Blobby's eyes were closed as she snorted until Agent Power snapped his fingers to wake her up.

Blobby: I'm sorry, were we talking?


Matthew P. Mathers III: I didn't ask to have such a ridiculously rhythimable name! Do you have ANY idea how many times I get mocked for my stupid name in a week!? WHY mom and dad couldn't have named me Jeremy!?!


Agent Power stares at Davey who looks like a fish out of water with his pet snake a boa around him.

Agent Power: Uhm…are you okay Mister Gutzmann?

Davey: I'm fine! Ya think my snake pet Commander Squeezers is handy? Boy, you should've seen Dib's blue alien cat in its beast form!


Tae With a million mile stare

Tae: Goodbye childhood….


Aki: Why am I even here? A better question: WHAT Gretchen even sees in that guy!?


Tambry: That happened to Robbie? HA! Good riddance! Maybe that teaches him not being an insecure dense asshole emo! Who knows? Maybe I will date Doctor Funtime just to get a raise from him!

Notes: By this point, I'm certain Mason Pines is the player, not his sister, unlike what she wants to believe.


Brian: Welp, you can take the cuckoo from the coco, but not the coco from the cuckoo.

Agent Power: I don't understand.


Sara: I still remember that insane hybrid's the 'melting'...

She shudders


Sheriff Blubs and Durland still held on to each other shaking in fear with jittering teeths having been traumatized from seeing the robot's rampage and PTSD reminded of that time the alien children kidnapped them and dressed them for a tea party.

Blubs: T-t-the g-g-giggles…

Durland: The t-t-twisted m-mind of childhood….

Notes: Due to their distress they are to be relieved of their duties temporarily.


Dirge: I fear no man, but that…thing?

He gets closer and half-whispered

Dirge: It scares me!


Preston: One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie that alien mind... What dreams of chronic and sustained economic madness?

Agent Trigger looks awkward as Preston is grimacing with a haunted look.


Captain Jameson: THE GIGGLES! THE GIGGLES WON'T STOP! IT'S STILL IN MY HEAD!

Captain Jamesonq with a haunted look shook Agent Trigger by the collar violently.

Notes: Even though there were zero fatalities, the robot and the aliens have shown to have the ability for psychological warfare.

Notes: By this point I'm convinced half of the people that were interviewed need psych evaluation, if anything this 'Dib' is the most sane of all his Schoolmates and Teachers! Oh well, is not like I can keep everyone imprisoned just for the crime of knowing and interacting with aliens they after a few evaluation and a secrecy oath would be free, but the the Corduroys stay I feel like they gonna be trouble considering they are not very thrilled with at us for having Miss Wendy targeted for collaboration, same with Miss Ramirez as much as I find the idea of keeping an old lady albeit temporarily in her cell distasteful. Shame the Unicorns fled during the robot's rampage, would have been a big bonus if we could have studied their Anti-Demonic properties of their bodies.

Agent Trigger after checking himself for psych evaluation


Notes: I'm facing a bit writing block so I may switch back to Coven of Shadows.