"Old girlfriend?" Carter asked.
"Anya was never a girlfriend, she got stranded here about a year ago and hid out at our High School while trying to convince her boss to give her a new power center so she could leave. As she put it, she was stuck as a human girl, failing math and having feelings. She asked me to Prom and it was the most excruciating experience ever. When I say she's fascinated by the topic of torture, especially of men, I mean it. I honestly didn't think I'd see her again. I went on a road trip after graduation, came home and she showed up a few days later. And kept showing up. And then her boss relented and I hadn't seen her in weeks, I thought she was gone. So no, not an old girlfriend." Faith was bent over laughing so hard she was nearly gasping.
"Only you, boytoy." She gasped out between laughs. "Only you."
"Oh, I don't know." O'Neill smirked. "Both Daniel and Carter have had similar problem of aliens falling for them."
"Sir!" Carter protested.
"What? It's true."
"But they aren't cleared, Sir."
"Good point. Okay, so back to these vampire things, no wait, we have to deal with the - unicorn, don't we." He eyed the creature that sort of resembled a horse, looking freaked and its sides heaving as it panicked.
"We need my counterpart." Xander decided.
"Why? What can he do?"
"If I'm a soldier, he's a doctor and therapist and he can sense emotions. He stands a better chance of calming her down than we do. This isn't her fault and then we figure out how to keep her safe."
"Is she still possessed by the parasite?" Carter asked. "This is fascinating, we've encountered alien shapeshifters, but I've never seen a straight transformation into something else."
"And now you're the one treading the line, Carter. So far T's the only one who hasn't said anything."
"He also almost never talks and they did figure out he's an alien within seconds of meeting him. That's never happened."
"Yeah, but these kids obviously deal with aliens so they're bound to notice things most people wouldn't."
"There's just one big difference between your aliens and ours." Faith told them as she began to get control over herself as Elder Xander arrived in a stream of lights at local Xander's call and he began filling his counterpart in on the situation.
"What would that be?" O'Neill asked, glancing at his - daughter. Still unproven that her DNA - but he was also wondering if he could do this, be a father again and part of him was terrified and part of him yearned for it.
"Your aliens come from other planets, ours come from other dimensions."
"You did mention a dimensional tear under your High School." Carter remembered as they watched Elder Xander approach the very frightened animal and begin soothing it. "How do you know it's there? How do you measure it? Have you studied it?"
"It's not the first one known about, there's another over in England and there are dormant ones scattered around." Faith answered. "Some people are sensitive to it, but mostly what we do is keep anyone from opening it. Opening it would be bad as what's on the other side is dinosaur sized creatures that would enslave and kill us. And that's not just paranoia talking, ask Xan or Queenie, they were there when one of those vamps got it open once. They saw for themselves what was in there, before they managed to close it."
"And no to her being a vampire." Elder Xander announced. "She's alive and aware but not able to speak and it's definitely Harmony and not the thing that was walking around in her dead body with access to her brain and memories and calling itself Harmony. I'm not sure how this Anya managed this, but if she's right, Harmony should be able to turn back and forth from this form to a humanlike form. How humanlike we won't know until she succeeds in doing it."
"Well, you think you can manage her while we finish our patrol?" Local Xander asked. "I know the Colonel's dying to try out his sidearm and see how effective it is and Major Carter's probably trying to figure out the science."
"They use an energy field to hold the corpse together." Elder Xander told Carter. "Destroy the heart muscle and the energy field collapses and the body looses cohesion. Decapitation exposes it and it can't exist outside the body and the body looses cohesion."
"Thank you, that makes sense." Carter nodded. "He said you were like a doctor compared to him being a soldier, you see and explain it from two different perspectives."
"I like my perspective." Local Xander muttered. "It doesn't take big, fancy words to explain. See blood drinking, torture happy monster. Destroy blood drinking, torture happy monster."
"Unless you're having sex with them."
"Anya doesn't drink blood and she was just fascinated with torture while sexing me up. There's a difference."
"Suuure, keep telling yourself that."
"So, you're starting a relationship with my maybe daughter?"
Angelus, the Judge, the Master, the creature from the Hellmouth, the Gentleman, the Mayor.
When your girlfriend's father is scarier than all of them.
