Chapter 12
Breaking Point
When Marley walked into Cavern Hole to grab breakfast, they were surprised to see Winslow cleaning the floor, something he rarely did because it was his least favourite job. Marley approached the otter, who greeted them with a wave. "Mornin', mate!"
"This is where you went? I knew you-" Marley footpaw suddenly felt cold as they stepped in a puddle of water. The mouse grimaced and walked around a table to reach Winslow. "I knew you left early, but I didn't think you would be cleaning. You missed a spot, by the way."
"That'll dry up," Winslow replied, setting down a bucket with a washcloth. "Anyway, Finn threatened somebeast yesterday, so that's why I'm here. Believe me, I don't wanna do this any more than ye would."
Marley cocked their head. "I actually like cleaning. They give you everything you need to finish and you repeat the same stuff over and over until everything is clean. It's kind of relaxing."
"Huh. I dunno if I get it, but good fer ye." Winslow propped his elbows against a nearby table and looked over his shoulder. "Are we goin' back into the woods tonight?" He whispered.
Marley was about to answer when they saw Martin sitting on the bench across from Winslow. The armoured mouse nodded and waved a paw. Marley couldn't tell if that was supposed to mean something, so they ignored him entirely. "Yeah. We'll meet up in your room later, so we can talk more then. Hey, what did you do with my dagger, by the way?" Marley had given it to Winslow to hide somewhere, but they hadn't heard about it since.
Winslow rested his paws on his hips in what Marley assumed was either pride or discontent. "Oh, I hid it under Trey's bed. Don't worry, he doesn't know. I just have to get there before he barricades his door fer the night."
"Alright." Marley glanced at Martin, who had left to look at the paintings on the wall. An unexplainable tension built up in their chest as they whispered to Winslow, "Hey, did that otter in your dreams- Shogg, right? Did he tell you anything?"
"About what?"
"I don't know. Just anything in general, I suppose?"
Winslow grumbled, thumping his tail on the ground. "Nothin' helpful. He's still tryin' to get me to train wit' him."
Marley did a double-take. "He doesn't tell you anything?"
"Nope. Why?"
Marley shook their head. "I don't know. Martin said he doesn't know what's going on, but he also told me that he hides things from me because he thinks I'll do something stupid. I don't know how much I'm supposed to believe."
Winslow clamped his paws over his mouth, failing to suppress a snicker. "Sorry, mate, but I don't blame him fer thinkin' that."
"What? Why?"
"Mate, yer kinda stupid, and that's fine, because I am, too." Winslow ruffled the mouse's headfur and returned to his bucket. "Anyway, since we got the matter of tonight settled wit', do ye mind stayin' while I finish this? 'Tis been pretty borin' wit'out anybeast to talk wit'."
The mouse nodded. "Yeah, no problem. So, what's on your mind?"
Winslow grinned, nearly knocking over the bucket with his wagging tail. "Oh, yer not gonna believe this. Okay, so, one day, while ye were gone…"
Finn had no idea what she was looking at. Sure, in a literal sense, she knew it was a spoon wrapped with parchment, but why anybeast would wrap a spoon in paper was beyond her, much less leave it in the dormitory hallway. The ferret grumbled and shoved it in her pocket, intending to return it to the kitchen. She guessed somebody had eaten their dinner in their room and dropped their utensils on the way back to Cavern Hole or something.
"Lazy-ass bums," Finn mumbled. Not that you have a right to say anything, she mused. When was the last time you've done something as simple as cleaning a room that wasn't your own? Exactly. Putting that aside, Finn walked down one of the side stairs and made her way to the courtyard since it was the fastest way to the kitchen. When she arrived outside, however, she saw that many residents had congregated by the benches to recite poetry, so she cursed and was forced to take the longer path.
"Is this even worth it?" Before continuing, she sighed and peeked around a corner to check if anyone she hated was nearby. She racked her mind trying to think if there was something she could be doing instead of this, but Winslow decided to spend time with Marley, and she still didn't have her knife. Finn scowled and continued to the kitchens. Unfortunately, upon reaching Cavern Hole, she saw Marley and Winslow playing patty cake at one of the tables and darted away before Marley could notice her. Are you kidding me? Why there? Come on, Winslow, I thought you loved the pond! Go spend your time there with Marley instead!
The ferret hissed and tapped her boot against the floor, cursing herself for getting herself into a situation where walking to the kitchens became a chore just because she wanted to avoid certain beasts. I must be the stupidest ferret to ever live. Actually, scratch that, I'm only the stupidest ferret alive because all of my ancestors died in a robbery gone wrong. Finn turned and headed back the way she came. If Marley and Winslow were in Cavern Hole, she would just wait to return the spoon after dinner or something.
"I wonder if Trey is doing anything," she mumbled. Immediately after she said that, it hit her just how bored she was that she considered going to Trey of all beasts. As it turned out, self-isolation was extremely boring. It didn't help that most of her "dangerous contraband" had been taken away. As she walked up the steps to the dormitories, she pulled the spoon out of her pocket, wondering if she could twirl it around her fingers, like she did with her knife. Finn started doing knife tricks when she and Marley were a lot younger. They weren't allowed to look at and play with the swords (for obvious reasons, but it didn't stop her from feeling spiteful), so Marley stole a knife from the kitchen, prompting Finn to see if she could perform tricks with it like those performers that came to feasts.
Finn tried flicking the spoon across her paw, however, she overcompensated for the spoon's weight and sent it flying into the wall. The ferret snorted and picked it up right as somebeast cleared their throat behind her. Finn yelped and spun around, only to find an older mousemaid, Leah, with her paws clasped together. "Seasons, what do you want? Don't sneak up on me like that!" Finn yelled louder than she meant to.
The mouse wrinkled her nose and said, "'Tis good to see you, too. Do you mind telling me why you stole that?"
"Stole what, exactly?" Finn raised a brow. True, she did steal a cookie and a length of rope from the boathouse yesterday (she wanted to try learning how to do magic tricks using rope. It did not go well), and just today, she took someone's hat to try and analyse its construction.
Leah must've assumed Finn was lying, because whatever hint of a smile she was pretending to put up had immediately vanished. "Lying isn't good for you, you know."
"How do you know I'm lying?" Finn grumbled, staring at the wall past the mouse. "Unless you've been spying on me, you have no idea what the hell I did or didn't do. How about you stop talking crap."
Leah let out an annoyingly loud sigh and pointed to the spoon Finn held in her paw. "I know because it's right there. You stole my son's toy, and chose to lie about it in front of my face?"
Finn did a double-take. She raised the parchment-wrapped spoon in front of her face. "What do you- this is supposed to be a toy!? It's a spoon."
Leah's finger pointed to parts of the "toy" that Finn first assumed were trash, but were supposed to resemble a warrior. "The parchment is a coat- you can see how it's folded over the handle. The top is even folded to act as a collar."
Finn cocked her head. In hindsight, she could vaguely see how those folds were supposed to resemble a coat, but that wasn't important. "Hey, wait a bloody minute, why did you assume I was stealing it? It's a spoon wrapped in paper. I was on my way to return it to the kitchens, I thought someone accidentally left it here."
"But you were throwing it at the wall."
"Martin forbid someone gets bored. Look, if I knew it belonged to your kid, I wouldn't have even touched it." Finn shoved the spoon into the mouse's arms and took a step back. "If you want to accuse me of stealing, how about you point out something I did steal?"
"What?"
"Not important." Finn looked over her shoulder and started backing away towards her room. "I guess the next time I find trash, I'm not going to throw it away, because who knows? It might be important to someone."
The mouse stiffened. "I'm sorry for assu-"
"Yeah, you better be, moron." Finn slammed the door, stomping past the jumble of playing cards, discarded sewing projects, and props, and fell onto her bed. A growl filled the air as Finn lay a paw over her eyes. She didn't know if it was the self-isolation getting to her, but that argument hurt a lot more than she thought it would. Finn glanced at the wall by the door, where she and Marley had etched many words and pictures with her knife. Yeah, I definitely made the right choice staying away from Marley. Martin knows I can't go a day without lashing out, and I know their stupid ass would jump in and defend me through every dumb thing I do.
Finn shivered and rolled on her side. Seasons. Why is this getting to me so much? You get into arguments nearly every day. It was just a spoon. You're being stupid. Her eyes drifted to the carving of her, Marley, and Winslow she started one day, but lost motivation before she could finish. Marley and Winslow's faces bore a lot of detail, while Finn's was just an outline. The ferret shook her head and sat up."Damn it all. I wonder if everyone in my family was this stupid."
After a moment of deliberation, Finn ran to the door, yanked it open, and glanced out the window. There were a few beasts in the abbey's garden, but not enough to be a problem. She'd done worse with more eyes on her. Sorry, Marley and Winslow. Everyone's right. I am a bloody thief, though, you two already knew that. At least this time, you two won't be caught up in this. Now, Leah, since you want to accuse me of stealing, I might as well prove you right. I know how much you love those flowers, I know how much effort you put into growing them, and I'll make sure you never see them again.
"Right, mate, say this as fast as ye can: 'Under the mother otter', muttered the other otter."
Marley cocked their head. "Do all your tongue twisters have to be otter related?"
Winslow shrugged and leaned against the table. "Nah, I just find it fun. If ye can think of a mouse one, ye can tell me. That is, if ye can even get the words out," he said with a grin.
"Alright. 'Under the mother motter- crap. 'Under the oother-' This isn't fair, I used to have a lisp."
Winslow cackled and wrapped an arm around Marley's shoulders. "And that's what ye get fer makin' me solve a pun that pronounced it 'you' instead o' 'ye'."
"I thought you'd get it anyway."
"Not if the rhyme's all off. I ain't lookin' fer a 'oo' sound to that pun if I pronounce it-"
"AAAAAHHH!"
Marley and Winslow jumped out of their seats as a scream pierced the air. Marley cocked their head, wondering if that was supposed to be terror or excitement. "Did that come from outside?" Winslow asked.
Almost immediately after, the pair saw Levi booking it through the Great Hall. Marley glanced at Winslow, unsure whether they were supposed to be concerned or not. Generally speaking, though, Levi hurrying somewhere wasn't a good sign. "Did someone else get murdered?"
Winslow bared his fangs. "Not funny, mate," he growled.
"I wasn't trying to be funny."
Wasting no time, Marley and the few other beasts in Cavern Hole ran out into the hall, where Levi stood by the entrance next to a crying Leah. The larger mouse rubbed the back of his neck and glanced over his shoulder. "Hey, Leah, it's going to be alright. I'm sure they were just… misplaced."
"How could they be misplaced?" Leah asked. "We both saw they had been dug up!"
Levi sighed. "Maybe one of the dibbuns was playing in the garden? You know how kids get. We can ask them later and I'll help you plant some new ones. What kind of flowers were they?"
Leah shook her head. "You don't understand, those weren't just normal flowers, my daughter planted them when she left Redwall Abbey. Someone did this on purpose, and I think I know who it is."
Levi glanced at the slowly growing crowd. "... Who?"
"It was the ferret-"
"Oh, hell no!" Winslow stomped forward, startling everyone in the room. "Nay, ye are not pinnin' this on her again. Anytime somethin' goes wrong, ye always point the finger at her!"
"It's usually true, though," mumbled Levi, getting a few words of agreement from the crowd.
"Aye, and do ye want to say that to my face?" Winslow snarled. Marley quickly ran forward and pulled Winslow's sleeve. The otter got the message and shook his head, grumbling a curt "sorry" before stepping back.
Levi, who had stanced up to defend himself, slowly relaxed and turned back to Leah. "Sorry about that. Now, how do you know it's Finn?"
Leah frowned. "Because she got into an argument with me earlier, and this happend not too long after! The soil wasn't dug by the paws of dibbuns, it was too careful for that. It has to be the ferret!"
Marley didn't bother listening to more. They wormed their way through the crowd and ran upstairs to the dormitory hallway, heading straight for Finn's bedroom. "Finn?" They knocked on the door. "Finn? Are you in there? You might be in trouble in a few seconds, and I thought I'd give you a heads up. Look, if you didn't do it, knock once, but if you did, knock twice."
"Marley?" Finn answered, her voice muffled by the door. "What are you doing? I thought I told you to leave me alone. If this is about the flowers, then leave me out of-"
"So, you did do it?"
"The hell do you think? Of course, I- no, wait, no, no, Marley, no-"
"Because if you did, I can lie and say you were with Winslow the whole day. I remember, Leah checks the garden once in the morning and evening, so there is a large window of time where I theoretically could've-"
"Marley, shut your damn mouth!" Finn yanked open the door and stomped up to the mouse holding a flower pot. "See, this is the exact reason I've avoided you since you came back! Why do you care so much about me that you'll throw yourself in front of danger? Do you know how awful I felt when you got banished because of it? Do you know how much I cried thinking my best friend could've died out there because of me? Of course you don't, because you barely feel anything as is. How about you walk back down those stairs and leave me to face the consequences by myself."
"What am I supposed to do?" Marley asked. "I can't just not help."
"Yes, that's your problem! Do you think I can be helped? Look me in the eye and give me that spiel where if I try really hard and believe in myself and my friends, that I will get better. Because look at what happened to you when I tried that!"
Marley was about to answer when they heard many pawsteps behind them. They turned, only to make eye contact with Levi. The older mouse raised a paw to his forehead and sighed, his eyes trained on the flowerpot Finn held in her paws. Marley couldn't discern the look on Levi's face, but it was much different from his usual one. "Finn?" Levi began, his voice somehow quieter than usual. "I think it's time we have a talk."
Instead of the usual spot in front of the Abbot's chair, Finn was taken to a place in the attic where she and Abbot Athelstan could talk alone. Finn couldn't decide if it was better because she was away from everyone, or worse since she was alone with the Abbot. Before she could dwell on it, Levi ascended into the attic, balancing three cups of tea. Finn momentarily forgot her inevitable punishment, wondering why the hell Levi was even here. The older mouse set the cups carefully on the table, using the sunlight peeking through a single window to ensure he didn't place them on a bumpy spot. "Sorry." Levi sat down next to Abbot Athelstan. "Father Abbot wanted me to get some drinks and sit in. Just pretend like I'm not here."
Finn's mouth hung open in confusion. "Wha-? Then why are you-? Nevermind. I don't care. Let's just get this over with."
Abbot Athelstan let out a raspy sigh and adjusted his glasses. "Yes, let's. Finn, what's wrong?"
The ferret snorted. "Don't act like you care. Listen, I stole the flowers because I felt like it. That's all there is to it."
Levi clasped his paws on the table. "Ahem, if I may-"
"No, you may not," Finn snapped. "I thought I was supposed to pretend you weren't here."
"A- ah. I did say that."
Abbot Athelstan took a sip of his tea and motioned for Finn to take her cup. The ferret scowled contemptuously and nudged it away. The old mouse cleared his throat. "Finn, do you mind telling us why you really took the flowers?"
Finn rolled her eyes. "Are you deaf? I stole them because I felt like it."
Levi glanced at Athelstan. "May I speak? Leah claims you stole them out of retaliation. Is this true?"
"Why do you care?"
"We just want to know if there is something we can do to help," Levi replied, though it was hard to believe he was being genuine, given that this was the same tone of voice he used every other time Finn got into trouble.
"Do you now?" Finn sat up straight and glared at the mice. "When you say 'help', do you mean help me, or help everyone else deal with me?"
Levi rubbed his neck. "I, um, well… Finn, you have a habit of taking things a bit far. Don't you think stealing Leah's flowers was a bit unwarranted? I get mad at beasts, too, but I don't steal from them."
Finn laughed sharply. "Oh, do I think I went too far? Yes, I'm not a dibbun, I know I went overboard. So what? If I'm going to be accused of crap no matter what I do, I might as well get something out of it."
Levi looked to the side. "I don't mean to sound rude, but there is a reason you are the first beast we question whenever things disappear. You have been caught stealing multiple times."
"You fight often with the other residents," Abbot Athelstan admitted. "We just wish you put more thought into how your actions affect others."
Finn narrowed her eyes. The ferret's heart hammered in her chest as she leaned back in her chair, glaring at the abbot. Screw it. What does it matter? "Do you think I enjoy being mean to everyone?" Abbot Athelstan shook his head. Levi, on the other paw, noticeably hesitated to answer. Finn continued, gaze trained on the taller mouse. "Do you remember around 10 seasons ago when Marley and I were in school? That hedgehog, Aldus, came into the classroom and started loudly greeting everyone. I was scared, so I kept quiet. When he tried to say hi to me, I told him to go away. He didn't. He said I didn't need to be shy and got right next to me. I bit him, and then you two scolded me for not being nicer. Do you remember that?"
Levi shook his head. "I don't think so."
"Exactly. It was just another day for you, but I remember stuff like that for a long time. It wasn't just that, either. There are so many small things that piss me off every time I think about them. Do you think I was born a jackass? I tried, I really tried being nice to everyone when I was little, but all I learned growing up is that all of you think I don't care. You admitted it right to my damn face, Levi. Sure, maybe I'm kind of a selfish bitch. I'm not some paragon of morality. But I cared. I used to care, and none of you saw it. At a certain point, why the hell should I bother trying to be nice? All of you expect the worst from me anyway, so at least this way I don't get disappointed."
Abbot Athelstan tilted his head. "All of us?"
Finn scowled. "Yes, all of…" El's face flashed in her mind before she could finish. She invited her to lunch just to see if she was alright. Is that someone who…? No, she probably wanted to make sure she didn't end up stabbing someone in the middle of the night. Besides, it's not like El ever tried to reach out earlier. Finn shook her head. "Just stop pretending like you care."
"We do," Abbot Athelstan insisted. "We just want what's best for you and your friends."
Finn's ears started to ring. Out of everything she had been told so far, this pissed her off the most. A painfully hot rage burned in her chest as she remembered the day Marley was banished. She glared up at the two mice, baring her fangs as Athelstan's words repeated in her head. "You care? No you bloody don't! If you did, then Marley wouldn't have been kicked out of the abbey for two moons! But no, it had to happen, because you were too much of a coward to tell everyone to shut up when they were calling for justice. All three of us know they were innocent, but you had to appease the crowd, huh? Do you want me to tell you what's wrong? Athelstan? My best friend was kicked out for something they didn't do, because they just had to take the fall for me when everyone immediately blamed me for something I didn't do either. Do you expect me to be happy here? Someone was murdered and their first thought was that I did it!"
Abbot Athelstan and Levi looked down. The abbot drummed his fingers on the table and said, "You know that wasn't my decision. If the abbey wants something, I can't go against their wishes. Once Marley put themself on centre-stage, there wasn't much I could do."
"No, it's your job to convince them otherwise!" The ferret hissed. "My best friend could've died out there and you're telling me it wasn't your decision? Screw this place and everyone in it!" Finn screamed, getting up from her seat.
Levi stepped forward, raising his paws. "Um, I think we should all take a deep-"
Finn kicked her chair and stormed off, leaving the two mice behind. Levi grumbled nervously and started to follow, but Athelstan rested a paw on his shoulder. "Leave her be for now," the old mouse suggested.
Levi murmured and buried his paws in his pockets. "Do you think she's going to do something?"
"I don't know," the abbot admitted.
Marley looked up as Winslow entered the room and pulled out a dagger from underneath his baggy shirt. "Sheesh, Trey was not happy when he found out I was hidin' a weapon in his room. He told me I should've brought one fer him."
The otter handed the dagger to Marley, who waved it experimentally. "I hope we don't need this. You better hold onto this for now, though. My pockets aren't big enough."
"Aye." Winslow hid the weapon under his shirt and flexed his paws. "Y'know, maybe I should visit Finn 'fore we leave, just to see if she's alright."
Marley nodded. "That's a good idea. In the meantime, I'm going to catch up with 'you know who'."
Winslow snorted. "Ye can say Martin's name. I'm the only one here."
"I know, I just don't want to." Marley decided not to bring up that the armoured mouse had been standing at the corner the entire time and instead reaffirmed that, "Once again, you don't have to come if you don't want to."
"That's a dumb thing to say. Ye know I won't let'cha go on yer own."
Before Marley could argue, the door swung open and slammed into the wall. Finn stomped inside and closed the door, fists clenched tightly to her sides. Marley stood up and approached the ferret. "Finn? Are you okay?"
The ferret shook her head. "Trey told me you two were about to go somewhere. I'm coming with you, and there's nothing you can say to convince me otherwise."
Winslow sighed and reached a paw out before remembering Finn didn't like physical contact. "Matey, I don't think ye should come. It might be dangerous fer ye."
"Yeah, and Marley eats like they're dying tomorrow, doesn't exercise, and is about as agile as a boulder. It's about as safe for them as it is for me."
Marley glanced at Martin, who was watching silently in the corner. "I think I'm more prepared, but I can't really explain why."
Martin nodded. "Yes, from what little I know about your friend, I can't imagine she would enjoy hearing about me."
Finn growled and shook her head. "I don't care. Dangerous or not, I don't want to stay in this goddamn place tonight. It's either I leave with or without you, so you might as well bring me along."
Marley crossed their arms. They glanced at Winslow, and it seemed the otter was deep in thought. Marley eventually turned to Finn and nodded. "Okay. Just be careful, alright?"
Finn gazed at her friend and opened her mouth to speak, but quickly shut it. She silently sat on Winslow's bed, waiting for the other two to prepare. While Winslow headed to his dresser to grab a few things, Marley approached Martin in the corner and thought, Do you know if we will get into a fight tonight? I want to make sure Finn will be fine if we bring her along.
Martin didn't answer, which Marley interpreted as an indirect yes. You're kind of a jerk, you know that?
"I'm not trying to be. I have to be realistic in what I can tell you."
Marley sighed and leaned against the wall. Tell me, do you still have no idea what we're doing?
Martin crossed his arms. "As I've said, we can't know for sure unless we look around. We'll see tonight how much of what Kanor was saying is true. If we are dealing with a seer and a spirit, we need to know for sure as soon as possible."
Gotcha. Marley was about to ask something else when they noticed Martin staring directly at Finn. They cocked their head, but Martin didn't explain. Why are you doing that?
Martin shook his head. "No real reason. I was just thinking about something. More importantly, the three of you should get going soon. I'll scout ahead like before."
Marley nodded and sat near Finn while Winslow searched for his paw wraps. The ferret stroked her arm and looked away, so Marley took that as a sign that they should speak first. "It's nice to see you, Finn."
The ferret nodded. "Yeah." She fidgeted with her bracelets, refusing to engage in any further conversation. Marley looked down, wishing they knew what to say to make her feel better. They vaguely knew she was sad or angry, but there were so many different types of "sad" that it was hard to know what exactly they should do.
After a long silence occasionally broken by Winslow's cursing, the otter shut the drawer, his paws now properly wrapped. "Sorry, I keep misplacin' this. Should we get goin'?"
"Yeah. Follow me." Marley got off the bed and walked towards the door, motioning for Winslow and Finn to stay close. Martin took a deep breath and floated after the trio. He reminded himself that for the next few hours, he needed to be as careful as possible, which meant no talking with Marley unless it was absolutely necessary. Not that it was a problem. Martin only decided to act more personable around his partners fairly recently (relatively speaking, of course). The armoured mouse couldn't help but wonder if Winslow's spirit, Shogg, would do anything to help, but he decided it'd be best to assume not. Martin tapped the visor on his helmet, watching as the trio exited Redwall Abbey and ventured into Mossflower Woods.
