KOTODAMA
"The soul that resides within words"
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Chapter XXXIV
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"Life isn't easy, and it's okay to understand that, but that doesn't mean you have to get used to the suffering. Happiness should be what feels natural."
Kagome said right before taking a bite of one of the gyozas she was sharing with InuYasha and Jakotsu, bought from a street vendor nearby. It was past eleven at night, and they were sitting on the concrete curb of a building on a corner of a main street, satisfying their hunger, oblivious to the people passing by.
"And what is happiness?" Jakotsu continued the conversation as he dipped his own gyoza into the soy sauce they had been given.
Kagome seemed to ponder her answer for a moment, and InuYasha watched her with curiosity, just as he had been doing since they left the police station. No, even before that—since the moment Kagome spoke of Sesshomaru as his brother. InuYasha had fallen silent then, unsure of what to say, because at that moment, she wasn't asking him a question. Her words were a statement. However, after a moment, she looked at him as if she hadn't said anything, and the statement hung in a kind of limbo he wasn't sure he wanted to confront.
"I'm not sure," Kagome seemed to want to give an answer, bringing him back into the conversation with Jakotsu. "I don't think it's the bursts of joy that happen sometimes. I think it's more a state of harmony where life treats you well without exempting you from problems. I guess happiness is having the peace and time to solve them."
The way she said it sounded so natural that InuYasha wondered if Kagome was truly aware of what she had just concluded. Her words made him question whether he had that harmony she called happiness. Then he saw her dip a gyoza in the soy sauce, and she looked at him before taking a bite.
"InuYasha, aren't you hungry?"
InuYasha opened his mouth but didn't answer right away. He seemed to be searching for his voice, still delving for answers among his deeper thoughts.
"I need to remember what you say, Kagome. I like it," Jakotsu interjected. "Inu, I love your girl," he added with a teasing smile.
She's not my girl, InuYasha thought, but that statement, which had once felt like a truth, was beginning to lose its meaning. No, probably Kagome wasn't his girl, at least not officially, but he wished she were. She looked at him without saying anything. They both had left the clarification of what they were, inside a shared silence that kept them connected.
InuYasha took one of the gyozas and ate it.
"You should put something on that cheekbone," Kagome said, addressing Jakotsu, who touched the mentioned spot and made a slight grimace of discomfort.
"It's too late to apply something cold," he shrugged, resigned to the bruises.
"I saw a twenty-four-hour pharmacy when we passed that street. They might have something that may help you. Do you want me to go get something?" Kagome insisted.
"I'm fine, darling. This will be gone in two days; I just need makeup," Jakotsu responded lightly and naturally, leaving Kagome momentarily stunned. However, she reacted quickly, with the firmness InuYasha had come to know well.
"You can't let someone hit you like that! Was it the police? Who did this to you?" Kagome pressed, leaving those insistent questions hanging between her and Jakotsu. InuYasha had known his friend long enough to know he wasn't used to being cared for, and when you've been on your own for so long, someone else's affection feels strange and almost impossible to bear.
"Let it go, Kagome. He won't tell you. I think he's a bit of a masochist," InuYasha offered his opinion, trying to give Jakotsu a way out.
"Though you've never wanted to join my games," his friend took the offered exit, using such words to keep their conversation above the surface. He would probably tell them what happened during the early morning hours when activity at Kyomu slowed down.
"I've been part of your games too many times," InuYasha said, referring to the many occasions when he had helped Jakotsu deal with the consequences of his adventures. He glanced at Kagome, who seemed attentive to the exchange between him and Jakotsu.
"Not in the way I'd like," Jakotsu smiled with a familiar mix of subtlety and flirtation InuYasha knew well. Then he leaned back against the building wall, rubbing his shoulder to alleviate the discomfort there. InuYasha could already tell that the blows his friend had received weren't limited to the one on his face.
"You've known each other long?" Kagome asked, curious. She had remained silent after the exchange between Jakotsu and InuYasha, finding their interaction interesting and sparking more questions in her about InuYasha's life.
"Long enough," his friend's tone was casual and friendly. "I'd say since his first wank—ouch!" InuYasha interrupted him with a slap on his sore shoulder. "What is this mistreatment?"
"Yeah, what is this mistreatment?" Kagome asked playfully, and InuYasha forced himself to ignore the amusement in her voice to stay focused on the conversation and the steps he needed to take to get Kagome safely to her apartment, before heading to Kyomu with Jakotsu.
"I'm not mistreating him, just reminding him we need to work." Responsibility suddenly took over this strange moment in which InuYasha, even if just for an instant, felt himself between friends in a way that could almost seem normal.
Normalcy—a highly overrated concept, he thought.
"I get it," Jakotsu agreed as InuYasha continued with his plan to hail a taxi for Kagome—there was no way she could go back to her apartment alone. "It probably wasn't your first wank."
InuYasha glanced at his friend, who smiled, showing his sly sense of revenge. Kagome burst out laughing.
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Kagome watched the streets pass her by through the taxi's window, the one that InuYasha had insisted on getting for her. She was struggling to organize the emotions going through her; on the one hand, she felt satisfied, happy for the hours she got spent with him, during what felt like a special mission, picking up Jakotsu from the police station. She had then eaten and joked with both men, feeling like she had caught a glimpse into InuYasha's hidden life through a crack in the door, which she liked, though it also made her realize how far she was from the reality he lived in. Then there was the strange goodbye, where he had insisted she get into the taxi without offering any affectionate words beyond a "take care." Kagome could understand it all—the reason InuYasha had sent her back and the lack of emotional displays on his part—but she didn't like it, feeling as though a great distance had formed between them.
And then there was InuYasha's strange behavior regarding the platinum-haired man at the police station, and the image that had flashed in her mind—what was that about a demon dog?
At that moment, she wished the InuYasha who had accompanied her since childhood would speak to her again. She needed him to give context to that image, which still made her heart race with the intensity of fear whenever she recalled it.
Are you there? she asked in her thoughts, seeking the connection. She waited and asked again, but there was no response.
She tried to imagine this red-clad InuYasha sitting across from her in the living room of her mother's house, back when she had barely started drawing connected lines on a piece of paper. She wanted to recreate a scene, to talk to him and find answers, but she realized she couldn't force a conversation if she wanted it to be genuine. Anything she imagined would fall short of the truth, and she would lose the certainty with which she guarded her memories of him.
The streets continued to pass by.
"We're almost there, miss," the driver said, glancing at her through the rearview mirror. He was a young, cheerful, and friendly guy who had smiled when Kagome gave him the address of the apartment she shared with Ayumi.
His name was Shintaro, and InuYasha had contacted him after Kagome remembered to return him the phone she had in her pocket. The guy had arrived within minutes and offered to take her wherever she wanted. So, at that moment, she accepted his offer.
"I'd like to go somewhere else," she requested confidently. She felt deeply drawn to the temple where she had grown up, although she didn't know what answer she might find there. In truth, she didn't fully understand the restlessness growing inside her.
"Sure," Shintaro responded without hesitation.
Kagome asked him to take her to the Higurashi Shrine, and although she tried to pay him for the trip, Shintaro refused her money, saying that this was a service for InuYasha. Kagome thought of Myoga, Kaede, and Miroku, and couldn't help but wonder what threads wove the tapestry of InuYasha's life.
"Do you live here?" Shintaro asked, looking up at the long staircase that led to the temple.
"My family lives here," Kagome offered a brief explanation, feeling the urge to learn more about InuYasha's relationship with this guy. However, she held back from asking questions.
"Do you think I could bring my sisters here one day? They'd love to visit a place like this."
Kagome looked at him. He seemed very young now that she thought about it. A new wave of questions entered her mind, but once again, she forced herself to quiet her curiosity.
"I'd be very pleased," she said with a gentle bow, an invitation—one of the many formalities she had learned from her grandfather, so that the young man would feel comfortable bringing his family. "There will be a celebration in a few days; maybe they'd like to come then."
Kagome added enthusiastically, remembering that she would also be coming to help her family with the Kyokusui no Utage, the festival of the meandering stream.
"That sounds like a good time," Shintaro bowed with a smile that Kagome found almost childlike. She would be happy to see him at the temple with his sisters.
And so, their conversation, and Shintaro's mission on InuYasha's behalf, came to an end.
Kagome then began to climb the stairs, the nearly one hundred steps that created a real separation between the world below and the sacred space of the temple, its pagodas, and altars.
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"You should have gone with her," Jakotsu insisted. It was the third time he'd said it since they had sent Kagome off in the taxi with Shintaro. InuYasha remained silent. "And do you trust that guy? You know he's very charming and easily gets girls to fall for him."
InuYasha shot his friend a loaded look, one of those that are filled with countless thoughts, most of them stemming from frustration.
"Leave it at that," InuYasha warned, hoping Jakotsu would be smart enough to understand he wasn't in the mood. If anyone asked, his day felt like it contained the experiences of an entire week. "Now, will you tell me what really happened?"
They were approaching Kyomu, where the atmosphere was festive, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. A typical long night of work.
Jakotsu sighed in the way he did when he lowered the mask he showed to the world. In that moment, InuYasha could see the calm, sweet, and kind boy that Jakotsu truly was. When they first met, Jakotsu still showed his real personality somewhat freely. But as time passed, and he understood more of the world around them, that nature became a hidden essence, only revealed to a few.
"Do you remember Juromaru?" Jakotsu asked, and InuYasha had to search far back in his memory to bring forth the image of the boy who would now be a man.
"Do you mean…?"
"Yes, the guy Naraku brought to the club two days after you arrived."
"What about him?"
"I think Juromaru is one of the people bringing drugs into the clubs."
"And why do you think that?" InuYasha asked the obvious question, though another doubt hit him violently. "Wait, what does this have to do with your injuries?"
He saw Jakotsu shrug.
"I paid attention to conversations, just like you asked, and I heard about a guy moving through the alleyways, paying the girls well to sell what he had," Jakotsu explained. InuYasha stayed quiet, analyzing what his friend was telling him. "After you left early this morning, I wandered a bit on my way to my personal brothel," Jakotsu laughed; that's what he called the room where he lived. "And as I turned a corner, I came face to face with Juromaru."
"And how did you conclude he's the one moving the drugs?" InuYasha was growing impatient with the slow details.
"I slept with him," Jakotsu confessed casually, shrugging.
InuYasha shook his head in a necessary gesture to dispel the image forming in his mind.
"With Juromaru?" he had to ask.
"Does that seem strange to you?" Jakotsu looked at him.
"No…yes…well, I mean, how?" InuYasha couldn't piece together a coherent thought from the scattered elements.
Jakotsu burst out laughing, and InuYasha felt like an idiot for his fumbling words. It had been a long time since they'd seen Juromaru, not since Naraku got rid of him because he thought InuYasha would be more useful. InuYasha wondered if Jakotsu had liked him back then or if they had simply felt attracted to each other now because it was in the air. Maybe his friend had just taken the opportunity to discover something and enjoy himself at the same time; it wouldn't be the first time. And the most pressing question, how was that guy involved in the drug scene?
InuYasha remembered him as aggressive, quiet, and very quick to steal food and disappear down alleyways.
"Since you insist, I'll tell you how we did it," Jakotsu seemed genuinely amused by this.
"No, no. You know what I mean," InuYasha interrupted.
"We ran into each other, our gazes met, then we smiled. There was barely a word said." Jakotsu seemed determined to share every detail. InuYasha hoped not too many. "We kissed in the alley by Gōka, you know, that sleazy club on the backstreet, and after groping each other…"
"Jakotsu, I'm serious; don't."
Another laugh from his friend.
"Why are you so prudish when it comes to sex?" Jakotsu teased him further. "You should try it sometime."
InuYasha remained in stoic silence as memories of his morning with Kagome suddenly flooded him, taking control of his body, thoughts, and emotions. He parted his lips and needed to exhale sharply, trying to keep it as contained as possible to avoid being obvious.
"Don't tell me you've already done it!"
Jakotsu stopped in the middle of the street, shouting in surprised amusement, and InuYasha felt trapped.
"Don't go there," he warned. He had no intention of discussing this.
"Was it with Kagome?" Jakotsu didn't seem inclined to take no for an answer. "What am I saying? Of course it was with Kagome! That's why she had that special glow."
"Jakotsu," InuYasha said his name like a warning.
"When was it? It couldn't have been long ago." His friend seemed eager to piece the story together by throwing out guesses and watching InuYasha's reactions.
"Enough," InuYasha felt strange, dizzy at the thought of exposing something so intimate, something that involved only him and Kagome.
"You'll have to give me details. How sweet! Your first time."
InuYasha took a deep breath and turned to Jakotsu, looking him straight in the eyes as he spoke.
"I'm not giving you a single damn detail," he muttered each word with restrained force.
Jakotsu knew his friend well and realized it was time to stop.
"Not a single damn detail about what?"
InuYasha hadn't expected to hear Naraku's voice behind him.
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To be continued.
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A/N
I loved writing this chapter. I had fragments of conversations, and I wrote them out, waiting for them to find their place in the narration; it was so satisfying. I love the relationship between InuYasha and Jakotsu. It makes me happy. I think Jakotsu is the perfect friend for this story.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Kisses,
Anyara
This text is possible thanks to the translation of: Dezart
