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The following is a non-profit, fan made series. Percy Jackson and the Olympians; Heroes of Olympus; Trials of Apollo; Kane Chronicles and Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard are owned by Rick Riordan. Spiderman or any concept of him are owned by Marvel Comics and Sony Entertainment. Please support the official releases.

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Scene 1:

[Takes place between Chapter 10 and chapter 11]

Everyone looks at me with fear in their eyes. I groaned in frustration as I hated being the center of attention.

"Cheer up, Stella," Sam said. "Here, have some breakfast."

Sam gestures at the table filled with food.

"Well, what are we having for today?" I asked.

"Well, we got Egg and bacon; Egg, sausage, and bacon; Egg and Spam; Egg, bacon, and Spam; Egg, bacon, sausage, and Spam; Spam, bacon, sausage, and Spam; Spam, egg, Spam, Spam, bacon, and Spam; Spam, Spam, Spam, egg, and Spam; Spam, sausage, Spam, Spam, Spam, bacon, Spam, tomato, and Spam; Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam, Spam, and Spam; or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce, garnished with truffle pâté, brandy, and a fried egg on top, and Spam."

I… I was speechless at the current menu we were having this morning.

"Uh… is there anything without spam, there?" I asked.

"Well there's Spam, Egg, Sausage and Spam but there's not much Spam in it."

"But I don't want any spam," I replied.

Sam frowned in confusion, "Why not just get Egg, Bacon, Spam and Sausage?"

"That got Spam in it!"

Sam shrugged, "Not as much as Spam, Egg, Sausage and Spam."

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, I'll just get the Egg, Bacon, Spam and Sausage without the Spam then."

Sam gave an expression of disgust after I said, "Ugh!"

"What?!" I yelled. "I don't like Spam!"

Suddenly, the Einherjar that were visiting the camp today were chanting Spam by a table near them.

"SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM…"

[Insert Viking Ship picture here]

"SHUT UP!" Sam yelled as the Einherjar quieted down. "You can't have Egg, Bacon, Spam and Sausage without the Spam."

"Sam… I- wait… what's going on here?"

Sam rolled her eyes as she replied, "Just give me the Spam. I love Spam! I'm having Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam, Spam, and Spam"

Once again, the Einherjar were chanting Spam and Sam tried her best to shut them up. As all this was happening, I noticed some well dressed man out in the distance facing towards a camera crew. Talking like he was in a documentary.

"Another great Viking victory was at Camp Half-Blood at New York. Once again the Viking strategy was the same. They sailed from these fiords here," The man pointed a stick on a paper, indicating a map with arrows on it. "Assembled at Trondheim and waited for the strong north-easterly winds to blow their oaken galleys to New York whence they sailed on May 23rd. Once in Camp they assembled in the Mess Hall and spam selecting a spam particular spam item from the spam menu would spam, spam, spam, spam, spam…"

And once more…

They all started chanting Spam.

Wait… AH CRAPBASKET!

THIS IS MONTY PYTHON CHAPTER!

[Insert Monty Python's Flying Circus Intro]

Estelle and The Mark of Arachnid Deleted Scene: Monty Python Edition.


Scene 2:

[Takes place between Chapter 6 and 7]

"So… gods and monsters exist in this world, right?" Sam asked.

Percy nodded.

"Then, that means that King Arthur is real!"

Percy and I looked at Sam in confusion.

"You know! King Arthur, Excalibur, The knights of the round table… all of it! It exists along with the great castle of… Camelot!"

Percy was skeptical of what Sam was referring to. He saw a lot of mystical things in his life. And some of them were… less than he expected.

"I wouldn't expect much of it, Sam. Trust me, I had experience."

"Oh come on! Just think of all the amazing wonders and tales that can be told in Camelot! Just imagine!"

CUT TO interior of medieval hall.

A large group of armoured KNIGHTS are engaged in a well choreographed song-and-dance routine of the very up-beat.

'If they could see me now' type of fast bouncy number. The poorer verses

are made clearer by CUTTING to a group of knights actually engaged in

the described task while the line itself is sung. They sing:

[Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail - Camelot Song]

We're knights of the round table

We dance whene'er we're able

We do routines and chorus scenes

With footwork impeccable.

We dine well here in Camelot

We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.

We're knights of the Round Table

Our shows are formidable.

But many times

We're given rhymes

That are quite unsingable

We're opera mad in Camelot

We sing from the diaphragm a lot.

[Booming basses. A routine where two XYLOPHONISTS play parts of KNIGHTS'

armour producing a pleasing effect.]

In war we're tough and able.

Quite indefatigable

Between our quests

We sequin vests

And impersonate Clark Gable

It's a busy life in Camelot.

I have to push the pram a lot.

[Song ends and the scene returns to Percy, Sam and Estelle]

"On second thought, let's not find Camelot. Tis a silly place," Sam said.


Scene 3:

[Alternative scene for Chapter 12]

As I walked back to the Big House, I noticed that there were two warriors hanging by the entrance. I thought they were campers but their armor and outfits were different. Their gear was similar to that of Roman soldiers and their shirt was purple with a logo and a SPQR on it.

"Uh, excuse me?" I said. One of the guards responded.

"Address your name."

"Uh, I'm Estelle Blofis. I currently sleep in this place and-"

"Woah! Hold on!" One of the guards yelled. "Where did you get the coconut?"

"Huh?" I replied as I turned around and spotted Sam drinking a coconut with a straw. "Sam?! What are you doing here?"

"I followed you, figured you'd need help."

"Okay, but why do you have a coconut?"

Sam shrugged and replied, "I found it."

One of the guards spoke, "Found it? In New York? But coconuts are tropical!"

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"Well, New York is a temperate zone."

I was getting annoyed by this conversation and said, "Guys! We have monsters walking alongside humans! Gods existed and migrated from the East to West like Swallows! A coconut in New York is not a big deal!"

The guard tilted his head in confusion and replied, "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"

"No! They could've been carried!"

"What? Carried? By a swallow?!"

"It could grip it by the husk."

"It's not a question of where it grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratio! A five ounce bird could not carry a whole pound coconut!"

I scoffed in frustration, "It doesn't matter! Will you just let me inside?!"

The guards pondered a bit before he replied, "Listen, in order to maintain airspeed velocity, a Swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, am I right?"

"Please?!" I yelled.

"Am I right?!"

Every second passes makes me more irritated. I should be inside, but here I am talking about a hypothetical bird carrying a coconut to New York.

"I'm not interested!"

Suddenly, the other guard interrupted and said, "It could be carried by an African swallow."

"Oh yeah, sure! An African Swallow, maybe. But not an European Swallow. That's what I'm saying."

As the two guards continued to talk about Swallows, I gestured to Sam that we will just go around the back entrance.

"But then of course, African Swallows are non-migratory."

"Oh yeah… Wait a minute! Suppose that two swallows carried it together?"

"No, they'd have to have it on a line."

"Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!"

"What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?"

"Well, why not?"


Scene 4:

A/N: This is one my favorite scene from Monty Python and I'm surprised this never came to be in the books.

[It takes place in Camp, however I was unable to find a way to include this character to make this joke in the story. It's Sam meeting Frank and Hazel.]

"So… you guys are Roman demigods?" Sam asked.

"That's right," Hazel replied. "It's complicated but, basically the gods have two personalities and it's split between Greek and Roman. So Zeus will sometimes be Jupiter or Ares be Mars."

As Hazel explains about the gods' split personalities, another person walked in, wearing a toga mixed with a business suit. He had grey hair and was wearing a veil that most roman leaders would wear. Behind him were several Roman guards, wearing their average attires mixed with Roman armor.

"Mr. and Mrs. Zhang, I advise you to keep your distance from the Greeks," He said with a superior tone. Before Sam and I were even born, there was a long-lasting feud between the Greeks and Romans; however, Percy and his friends managed to end that feud and began making a stable relationship between the two. However, despite the fact that the feud ended a long time ago, some are still holding grudges. It makes sense though, the bad blood between them lasted since ancient history. It'll take a long time to bury all that.

"Especially with the daughter of Athena. Such demigods will use any small information they gain to their advantage."

Sam frowned, "For what? And who are you?"

The man replied, "I am an ambassador for New Rome. I am here to ensure that should this alliance fail, I will be the first to know and ensure that our home does not suffer from it."

Sam scoffed and muttered sarcastically, "He has so much confidence in us."

The Ambassador spoke, "Despite the many triumphs the Greeks have made in the past, many iconic leaders were Romans."

"Can we… Can we not talk about that?" Hazel implied with a sudden change in tone. Like she wants to forget something.

"Speaking of," Sam intervened. "Do you guys keep histories of past Roman Leaders, correct?"

"Indeed we do," The Ambassador replied.

Sam thought of something that most likely did not occur, but it'd be hilarious if it did.

"You wouldn't happen to know if there was a Roman Centurion in Jerusalem named… Nortius Maximus."

Frank laughed and Hazel snickered as the Ambassador looked at them confusingly.

"I don't recall hearing anyone of that name. Mr. and Mrs. Zhang, have you?"

Hazel regained her posture and replied, "Well, no…"

"Well you sound sure. Have you checked?"

"Well no… you see, it's a joke name. Like Silious Soddus or Biggus Dickus."

One of the guards snickered. The Ambassador looks behind him and frowns at the guard as he regains his posture.

"What's so funny about Biggus Dickus?" he asked.

Frank and Hazel looked at him confusingly as Frank replied, "Well it's a joke name."

The Ambassador gave an offended look and spoke, "Well, I have a very great friend in New Rome called Biggus Dickus."

The guard once again snickered and he heard it more clearly. He walked up to the guard and scolded him, "Silence! What is all this insolence?! You will find yourself in the Colosseum very quickly with rotten behavior like that."

Sam is trying very hard not to laugh. She should leave before the situation escalates any further. However, she REALLY wants to see it go further.

"Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this," The Ambassador said. The soldier once again started chuckling and The Ambassador gave a furious expression. "Right! Take him away!"

"Ah, he was just-" Before Frank could finish his sentence,

"No! No! I want him fighting rabid wild animals within a week!"

Frank sighs and escorted the chuckling guard out.

"I will not have my friends ridiculed by the common soldiery!"

The Ambassador looked back at his other guards and noticed from their expressions that they were holding back some laughter.

"Anyone else feel a little giggle… when I mention my friend, Biggus… Dickus?"

The guards were trying really hard to hold in their laughter, but they're barely hanging in there. The Ambassador looks at the other guard.

"And what about you? Do you find it risible? When I say the name… Biggus… Dickus?"

The snickering was getting worse. Any more and the guards will explode with laughter. He noticed this and gave one last push.

"...He has a wife, you know."

One of the guards took a deep breath, preparing for the inevitable.

"Do you know what she is called?"

The guards shook their heads.

"She is called… Incontinentia… Incontinentia Buttocks."

The guards exploded with laughter. One of them got on his knees and hands as he laughed; the other two dropped their weapons and held on to each other. Then the camera crew started bursting out in laughter and- wait… camera crew?

Author: Oh god damn it, Nappa! CUT! CU-

[Cue Intermission from Monty Python and the Holy Grail]

Author's Note:

Well, I hope you enjoyed that! That is my last chapter for this story. I really wanted to do these scenes for a long time but I never could find a way to fit them into the story so I hope you enjoyed it. I am already working on the sequels as well as Samantha Stacy's spin-off as well.

Thank you again for reading my story. I really hope that it was a good story and that you all enjoyed it. It's not the end though, I have so, so, so many more ideas for this AU and I really want to write them. My friend would sometimes say my story is so good that it should be canon. Of course, he never read the books and only knows a little about Marvel, but he's a cool dude. It'd be crazy if it did though. I mean, I don't think anyone ever heard of a spiderman fighting a mythical version of his villains. Something I'd think would be cool; Of course, it'll most likely be an AU of the original PJO series, like a multiverse.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed it. I WAS going to add one more scene to this chapter, but I don't think it'll go out well. I mean, it just doesn't fit the story in general and it does referencing a harsh part of history. Plus… I'm pretty sure everyone expected it so I'm just not going to bother with it. I will see you all in my sequels! You can find them in my Profile!

[Three men burst out of the door, wearing red robes and red caps… well one of them is wearing an aviator cap for some reason but oh well.]

"NOBODY EXPECT THE SPANISH INQUI-

[Intermission Song Continues]