14

Rolando: "Oh. Who's this?"

He peered closer.

"Oh, it's you, human. What do you want? I was slumbering in this dimension of death because there's nothing else to do besides being tortured by my own thoughts. You'd better have a good reason for waking me up…unless you want to share some of my sorrow."

He stared at the green-tinted movie screen.

"HELLAVERSE? Not sure what this video is, but I guess I'll react to it."

He conjured up a tub of popcorn and lounged in his theater seat. "Alright, let this short trailer begin."

Charlie Morningstar appeared on screen against a white background, her hands tilting the camera.

"Uhh, is it recording?" she asked. "Oh, oh!" she grinned and stepped back. "Okay it is…um…"

She leaned to the side and beamed as she waved. "Hellloooo there everyone! It's me! Charlie Morningstar! Founder of the Hazbin Hotel!"

She waved her arms in a circle and the Hazbin Hotel logo appeared above her.

Rolando: "I still like my hotel better."

Charlie leaned in and whispered fast. "Which is totally gonna be amazing by the way, thank you so much for asking."

Rolando: "Uh, I didn't."

Charlie cleared her throat. "Ahem! Aaaanyway, I'm sure you are all aware of the ah-mazing news that we have been greenlit for Seasons Three and Four of Hazbin Hotel!"

Rolando: *unenthusiastic* "Yay."

"Hold on a sec!" came a familiar voice.

Blitzo fumbled as he tried to get out of a diamond-shaped portal in the corner.

"I'm hav…wah…ahh! I'M FALLING! SHIT!" Blitzo crashed to the ground.

Rolando: "Oh fuck, not you again, Bethany!"

Charlie covered her mouth. "Oh my gosh!"

She leaned down next to him. "Uh…hi! Hello."

Blitzo groaned as Charlie helped him up. "Uhh, are you okay, misterrr…uh…"

"Blitz, the 'o' is silent." He groaned out loud and cracked his back. Blitzo turned to the camera and looked at Charlie. "So, what's this all about, hm?"

"Oh, uh, well," Charlie stammered. "I was telling everyone about how..."

She beamed and did a little dance and said in a sing-song voice, "…exciting it iiisss…"

She continued. "…that we're getting more seasons of Hazbin Hotel!"

Blitzo put his finger to his chin and smirked. "Mhm, yeah that's good for you." He then shoved her aside and moved to the front. "…but that's old news, bitch!"

Charlie smiled nervously, taken aback. "Oh, okay, heh."

"Hold on to your little titties," Blitzo grinned, "cause I'm here to announce that Helluva Boss is coming to Prime Video!"

Charlie clapped her hands and jumped with excitement.

"But plot twist!" Blitzo added. "It's also still gonna be on YouTube, so BAM!"

The camera shifted sharply, Blitzo's face close to it and his hand on it. "You thought the Hash Brown Motel was the only Hell show that daddy Amazon was horny for?"

Rolando: *snickers*

"Nope!" Blitzo added as the camera moved back to him and Charlie. He motioned to his body with his hands. "They wanted aaalll this!"

Rolando: "In your dreams, asshole."

Charlie smiled. "Oh my gosh, wow that is so great! Congratulations!"

Blitzo peered at the camera with a smug look.

Rolando: "Well good for you, prick. Like I care!"

"How does that work?" Charlie asked.

"Well, 'Choccy,' I'll tell you…" Blitzo hurried off and rolled an office white board in front of them.

"It's Charlie."

Blitzo mentioned to two drawings on the board: a colorful bubble-like Charlie drawing in her artstyle and a cartoon black and white scribble of Blitzo in his artstyle.

The Blitzo drawing held up a finger. "Listen up, chucklefucks! Prime Video's teaming up with SpindleHorse…"

He pointed to the company logos inside horse scribbles.

"…Oooh that is a good name…to support the making of Helluva Boss's remaining seasons." He held up a paper that showed the Helluva Boss logo.

"Now I'm talking full fucking episodes…"

The scribbles showed crude drawings of a grumpy Moxxie and Blitzo, a smiling Stolas and a sad Millie with "MOAR OF THIS!" on top, with arrows pointing to them. "MOAR OF THIS!" appeared again, this time with a drawing of Vassago doing an Egyptian-style pose with Blitzo and Moxxie frowning and Millie smiling in the background.

Rolando: "Seriously, who the fuck is that bird guy?!"

The Blitzo drawing jumped for joy. "The. Whole. She. BANG! AND!"

Fire blasted behind Blitzo before fading. He put his hands to his face. "Oh, the best part is, full creative control remains entirely with this bitch, who…"

A crude drawing of Vivziepop appeared in a picture frame. Surrounding her portrait were more horse drawings and "VAVNU" and "NOT A HORSE?" above it.

"I guess she made me, she made everything here. She's in charge!" Blitzo exclaimed.

Charlie added with a thumbs up. "Hah, not a bitch. Really love her."

Rolando: *Pauses.*

Rolando: "Oh, right. The creator of me and everyone else in this universe. Thanks a lot for bringing me to life. Thanks a lot for starring me in the Halloween Ghostfuckers episode. THANKS A FUCK TON FOR KILLING ME, TOSSING ME ASIDE LIKE SOME ONE-OFF FREAK AND PROCEEDING TO POLLUTE THE OTHER EPSIODES WITH BLITZO AND HIS STUPID HICK FRIEND AND A BUNCH OF DUMB ASS BROKEN VILLAINS!"

Rolando: *growls and takes several deep breaths* "Continue."

Blitzo continued. "Theeen, after a little bit more than a month or so of being on Prime Video first, the show will release in it's entirety as it always has, on YouTube!"

The Blitzo drawing smashed a TV with the Prime logo on it, replacing it with a laptop with the YouTube logo. Charlie bore a surprised look.

"So basically we get to keep doing what we're doing, but y'know, bigger."

The camera cut back to Charlie and Blitzo in front of the white board.

Charlie was ecstatic. "What?! That is the best news ever!"

Rolando: *yawns*

Blitzo held out a hand. "And the best part is, now we getta fuck around with you guys from time to time!"

Rolando: "You know, in a way, I'd rather be dead than hang out with that lowborn imp. Unless, you know…I can fuck up his mind again…"

Charlie paused. "Uh wait, uh, fuck around with who now?"

Blitzo pushed the board away. "Ugghh, well let's see here, uh, do you know an 'Angel Dust' or an…"

Charlie's eyes grew wide, and she cupped his cheeks.

"Wooah! Hey, okay, okay, hahaa I get it! Don't give anything away! We get it!"

Rolando: "Oh yeah. That gay porn spider drowning in his traumas!"

Blitzo smirked. "You're a fucking fun sucker, did'ja know that? I'm a giver, bitch! I'm giving!" He made a fucking motion with his hips.

Rolando: *face-palms*

"Aaand I love that about you, Blitz, really do," Charlie snapped her fingers, "…buuut, you have to give them something to be surprised by! That's what makes the wait so worth it!"

She jumped, surrounded by orange sparkles near her face while Blitzo blinked, unamused.

"Because as we all know…"

Blitzo and Charlie spoke together to the audience: "ANIMATION TAKES A LONG TIME!"

"Anyway!" Charlie said, "We can't wait to share more of the Hellaverse with you all. We hope you'll enjoy more seasons oooffff….Helluva Boss!" She posed with her hands mentioning to Blitzo.

"And Hazbin Hotel!" Blitzo added with a pose to Charlie.

"…On Prime Video!" they both finished with a flourish.

Rolando: "And 'Rolando Infests Everyone!' I'll get to that in a minute."

Charlie turned to the camera. "Thank you all so much for getting us here. Really, we could not have done this without you."

Tears of joy welled up in Charlie's eyes as clapping was heard. "I think I'm gonna cry."

Rolando: "Cry sadder tears, please."

"Wait, that's it?" Blitzo asked with a puzzled look. Then he showed a sharp mischievous grin. "No, no fuck this! Let's end big!"

Blitzo scattered off to the side.

Blitzo aimed his crystal on his wrist and a pink flaming portal made of diamonds appeared.

"Big? I thought we ended really nicely!" Charlie mentioned as Blitzo darted through the portal.

Blitzo shook his head as he peered out from the portal. "Fuck waiting!"

"Look we got Moxxie and…"

Rolando: "Little wimp."

Charlie looked down to see a stunned Moxxie upside down in her arms after Blitzo tossed him through.

"…and we got Millie!" Blitzo added, gently nudging her through the portal. Millie beamed with a wave.

Rolando: *seethes* "The farm hick! Wipe that smile off your face."

"And Loona!" Blitzo added as the Hellhound peered through the portal with a bored expression.

Rolando: "Mangy mutt."

"And Stolas…"

Stolas came through the portal.

Rolando: "A royal prick, too."

Loona posed next to the princess for a selfie while Moxxie kissed his smiling wife.

"And whoever the fuck this guy is," said Blitzo.

A new character appeared with small bug wings, a magenta suit, a small matching top hat, and a purple long face with small sharp teeth.

Blitzo continued. "Ooh, and we got fucking 'Vagooba.'"

He pushed Charlie's girlfriend Vaggie out of the portal.

Rolando: "Vaggie's a former Exorcist, bitches, in case you didn't know!"

"And the cat!" Blitzo called as he dragged a deadpanned Husk to the front.

Rolando: "Grumpy gambler cat, got it."

"Oh, we're all in the same room!" Blitzo exclaimed.

"Oh, oh, okay, hi!" Charlie called, feeling overwhelmed.

"We're having a good time!" Blitzo called.

Vassago and Vox came through the portal.

"Fuck, that's a lot of…" Charlie began.

"Oh, we're family now!" Blitzo proclaimed as he pulled Fizzarolli through the portal.

"…people…" Charlie mentioned.

Rolando: "I need all their memories right now!"

"Look, we got the freaky red guy everyone's into!" Blitzo smiled, mentioning to a glitching Alastor with his hands. Alastor stood with a grin and his hands behind his back.

Rolando: "So much trauma under your spooky powers, deer man."

"Oh, uh, hey wait, Blitz!" Charlie warned as Blitzo rose up his arms and danced. "Alastor doesn't do well on camera! NO!"

Everyone except Vox freaked out and screamed as Alastor's glowing smile and red eyes flashed onto the black screen. A green x was in between his eyes and green stitches glowed around the top corners of his mouth. Radio sounds and glitching appeared. His black deer antlers spread out to the side.

Rolando: "THE FUCK?!" *chokes on popcorn*

In the upper right-hand corner, Blitzo appeared in a bubble.

"Alright, bye!" he waved before vanishing.

Rolando: *recovers and takes deep breaths.* "Okay, that was…something alright. Was not expecting that at all. But still…I'm not in it. Which means it's worthless shit."

Rolando stood up and brushed himself off.

"You see this bitch here?"

He pointed to a sign that read "HelluvaScribe" in purple. "She made all these different series for me online. Oh, and see here…"

He pointed to another sign in green that read "Tallest-Marij." "They created a Rolando Discord fan club for some of the HelluvaBoss fans."

He snapped his fingers, and the screen showed digital art of Rolando dancing with a female infestor demon. "Look at this stunning art they made of me! On Deviantart, X, and Tumblr. And a smexy fanfic of me at the One Star Wonder. This person is talented, go check it out."

"Buuurrnt Popcorn" appeared in blue. "Another fan of mine."

He glanced to "Starleska" in pink. "And another."

"Missmorize." "Oh, there's more. I guess I have more than I thought."

"JOHN WATERS" appeared in gold.

"Oh fuck! I almost forgot. A special thanks and shoutout to the legendary filmmaker and actor John Waters for voicing me in my singular episode! He has that alternative dark vibe and a determination to embrace the macabre and do things on his own terms. I like that."

"You don't have to go on Amazon Prime or wait many months for an episode. The small amount of ongoing content I do have exists right here, right now, on A03, DeviantArt, Tumblr etc. For free. If I'm never gonna be in HelluvaBoss again, then I'll be in my own universe. A better one."

A small smile crept up his face. "Check this out. 'Rolando Infests Everyone.' In this series, I get to invade the minds and possess all your favorite characters! Did you think I just wanted to stop at Blitzo? No way. I'm always hungry for more."

"And since you're all about crossovers, here's the first of its kind 'Hazbin Rolando.' Yeah. The show where I'm on the run from those imps, I come to the Hazbin Hotel and try to mess with the minds of the Sinner characters?" He scoffed. "Of course no one would know that one."

"And you know what? I deserve my own story too, right? 'Helluva Rolando.' You get to explore the Envy Ring a bit, meet my snobby-ass parents and learn about me before the events of Helluva Boss. And I have my own organization, too. F.I.S.H. Fiendish Infestors Stalking Humans. Me and my buds Finn and Sireena and parasite Ripper go up to Earth to kill humans and try to get revenge on I.M.P. And the best part is…I can kill anyone: child, man, woman, demon, succubi, doesn't fucking matter."

He grinned at the camera and licked his lips. "Because everyone has traumas, therefore everyone's delicious!"

Rolando hovered in front of the camera. "What the fuck are you waiting for? You gonna check out my content? No? Then you're a fool. Wait…you're glad I'm not in Helluva Boss anymore? Oh, I see how it is. You only want to see the imps and the owl. Fine. Get out of here and stop bothering…"

Rolando growled after a pause. "You say I'm a 'worthless fish fucker?' That's it. You hurt my feelings…I'm gonna have to hurt yours…now do me a flavor and hold still so I can enter your mind…HEY! HEY! STOP WITH YOUR RUNNING! GET THE FUCK BACK HERE! ONE OF THESE DAYS YOU WON'T BE ALIVE, MORTAL, AND WHEN THAT DAY COMES, I'LL FEAST ON YOU AND YOUR MEMORIES LIKE NEVER…"