Chapter 2

Shelby watched Rachel sleep, noticing for the first time that her daughter looked several years younger than her age. She might be fifteen and a mother to her own baby, but Rachel was still very much a child. Hearing her daughter's deep breaths and soft sighs, Shelby pulled out her phone and texted the number of a reputable therapist that she had worked with several times over the past few months and wondered if Rachel would be interested in attending a few sessions, either with her or by herself, just to help her process the huge changes in her life recently.

After a little under two hours, Shelby, who had dozed off herself, heard the baby begin to stir. She stood up, stretching a little as she did so and scooped her granddaughter up, taking her over to the window and sat them both on the couch.

"Hey little one. I don't know if your mommy has given you a name yet but I'm Shelby, I'll be helping your mommy look after you for a while." Shelby whispered as she hoped her voice would be loud enough to distract the baby from crying out but soft enough that she would be able to let Rachel sleep for a bit longer.

"I think you look like her, you look just like she did as a baby. Except you don't have any hair, your mom was born with lots of hair, I think that's why I had so much heartburn when I was pregnant with her. And you're absolutely tiny, your mom was small but you're tiny"

"She was two weeks late" Rachel said, her eyes barely open

"Really?" Asked Shelby

"yes, I was huge by the time I went into labour with her. I looked wider than I am tall." Rachel recalled, a faint smile tugging at her lips.

"I was exactly the same with you. All skinny and then a huge bump. I was convinced that you were going to be eight or nine, maybe even ten pounds, but you were a tiny little five and a half pounds. Sixteen inches long. You've stayed pretty tiny since" Shelby smiled and Rachel blushed.

"How old were you? When you had me?" Rachel asked.

"Twenty. Your dads needed a surrogate who would donate her egg and I was happy to help them become a family." Shelby answered

"Did you love me?" Rachel whispered, not quite meeting Shelby's eye

"of course I love you. I've loved you from the second that stick showed two lines. When I had my first ultrasound, I couldn't tell which end of you was which, and even then when you looked like a baked bean with legs, I loved you" Shelby smiled and Rachel smiled back.

The tender moment was interrupted by a rumble from Rachel's stomach.

"Come on then, let's get something to eat. You must be starving Rach" Shelby held out her free hand and Rachel hesitated for a second before taking it and climbing out of her bed.

"Here you go, she might need changed. Have you done that before?" Shelby asked, handing the baby to Rachel who shook her head.

"No time like the present then. Come here, I'll show you and then next time you can try it yourself."

After Shelby changed the baby's diaper, showing Rachel and explaining every step to her, Rachel wrapped her daughter in a soft white shawl and they all went down to the kitchen.

"You're a vegan, is that right?" Shelby asked, and Rachel bit her lip

"Not as much anymore. I-I developed anaemia when I was pregnant and the iron tablets made me sick, so I had to start eating meat again. She made me crave chicken burgers and fries non stop" Rachel smiled as she looked at the baby in her arms who was taking in her surroundings and watching everything around her.

"No problem. Once you've been cleared, you can go back to being a vegan if you want to, I'll support you whatever you want to do" Shelby smiled

"Thanks Shelby, I really appreciate it" Rachel whispered, a ghost of a smile pulling at her lips as she poured herself a glass of water.

Shelby settled on baked chicken and veg, with potatoes that Rachel helped prepare, and while they were waiting for the food to cook, Shelby directed them to the lounge again and put the television on, mercifully this filled any awkward silences, with both women engaging in hesitant small talk and laughing at the comedy panel show that was playing. Shelby didn't miss the way Rachel rubbed at her stomach absentmindedly and winced when she made to stand up.

"Rach, are you in pain?" Shelby asked

"Um, a bit, I guess, but it's normal isn't it? The midwife told me to expect to be in some pain afterwards" Rachel admitted.

"A bit yes, not enough to make you wince like that. Did they send you home with anything to help?" Shelby asked, and she saw Rachel dip her eyes to avoid looking at her

"Rachel? Did they give you any painkillers?" Shelby asked again

"N-no. I told them I didn't need it. I didn't have anything when I was in labour with her, so I didn't think I needed it, I deserved for it to be painful, it's my fault" Rachel mumbled, the last few words being so quiet that Shelby almost missed them.

"What do you mean 'you deserve for it to be painful', why do you think it's your fault?" Shelby asked, quirking an eyebrow a little at the admission.

"I-I made a mistake, and I need to deal with the repercussions. I-it's supposed to hurt and I-my dads told me that this is a punishment because I… because I had sex when I was underage" Rachel whimpered as tears filled her eyes, the same eyes that were looking at the baby in the basket next to her.

"Rachel, it's not called labour for no reason darling, it's a tough ordeal for anyone to go through, and you're so young. You need to be comfortable baby, a little discomfort is expected but you shouldn't be in pain. Let me phone my doctor and see what they say I can give you for the moment." Shelby grabbed her cell and phoned the doctor who immediately prescribed a mix of morphine and paracetamol, telling Shelby to give Rachel some ibuprofen for now and that the prescription could be collected that evening.

"That's you all sorted out baby, I'll jump out to the pharmacy to pick it up in a couple of hours, but I still don't understand why you think giving birth is your fault. Her father is just as much to blame as you are. You had sex underage, yes, but I can guarantee that you're not the only one who has, you're just the unlucky one that got caught out. It happens more frequently than you think Rachel, I bet you're not the only one in your school, probably in your year." Shelby said, watching Rachel wrestle with something inside her head.

"I… I let him pressure me into having sex with him. I-I wasn't ready for it but he-he said if I loved him then-then I should prove it. I gave into peer pressure and l-look where it g-got me" Rachel cried

"Rachel, I need to ask this but I don't want to upset you. I need to know the truth baby. Did he, did he force you?" Shelby asked delicately.

"No-No, nothing like that. I loved him but I didn't want to lose my virginity to him yet, but he kept pushing and pushing me and eventually I just gave in" Rachel explained and Shelby felt her heart rate slow with relief.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have been pressured into it. That isn't love Rach, if he really loved you, then he would've waited for you to feel ready in yourself. Is he involved with the baby?" Shelby opened her arms and found Rachel settled against her in seconds.

"No. he doesn't even know that I was pregnant. My dad's tried to get me to tell them who it was but I-I I just couldn't. I knew they were already ashamed of me, I didn't want to add to that" Rachel stuttered, as she tried to stop crying.

"Okay sweetheart, I'm not going to ask you who it was but know that you can tell me whenever you're ready. I'm here for you angel, no matter what time of the day or night, no matter if you need reassurance, to talk through something, even to vent at me about how difficult this is, I'm not going anywhere Rach, and I mean it this time" Shelby promised and Rachel nodded, words unable to work around the huge lump in her throat.

Mother and daughter sat together in relative silence for the next twenty minutes or so, the only noises coming from them cooing at the baby who was awake but seeming content to lie in her basket next to the sofa or the odd soft sigh. Shelby gently ran her fingers through Rachel's long dark hair and Rachel snuggled closer to her mother.
Shelby was almost pained when the oven timer sounded, telling them all that their dinner was ready.

"Come on Rach, go and sit down in the dining room and I'll meet you there in five minutes. Take little one with you if you like" Shelby smiled and Rachel smiled back, beginning to feel the warmth of Shelby's love fill her hollowed out heart.

As the two women sat at the dinner table, they made small talk. Shelby rather enjoyed it, it was almost like they were playing 20 questions so they could get to know each other better. She knew that Rachel's favourite colour was yellow, her favourite shape was a star, her favourite time of day was sunrise, and her favourite scent was vanilla. Rachel in turn learned a few things about Shelby, her favourite colour was blue, but dark blue. Her favourite shape was a crescent moon. Her favourite time of day was twilight, and her favourite scent was fresh cotton. They shared a love of music, of course, and their love of performing was unique to themselves, but they also shared a love of writing and reading. Shelby favoured the more classic novels such as "The Great Gatsby" "Catcher in the Rye" and, controversially, "Lolita", she loved the writing style and the expressive and passionate language whereas Rachel preferred more modern teen fiction, she had read the Harry Potter books as a child and now preferred novels that her peers recommended to her. Shelby learned that Rachel only liked apple juice and liked her coffee without milk but plenty of sugar, and by the time that they had finished eating, Shelby had told Rachel that she couldn't drink anything but coffee without milk and loved dunking cookies in it as a guilty pleasure.

"I think we should be able to pick up your prescription now, would you like to come with me to get some fresh air?" Shelby asked

"Y-yes please, I don't have a stroller for her yet but could I carry her?" Asked Rachel timidly

"Why don't you try this baby carrier? It keeps her close to you but keeps your hands free so you don't have to worry about your arms getting tired" Shelby offered and after a momentary pause, Rachel nodded.

Shelby helped her into the carrier, then helped her slip her daughter into it, the baby didn't seem too bothered, in fact, she gave a small yawn and rested her head against her mother's chest.

"Ready?" Shelby asked softly

"I think so" Rachel replied, steeling herself to walk over the doorway and out into the world as a mother for the first time since she had left the hospital. The walk to the pharmacy was actually rather pleasant, the sun was shining and there was only a gentle breeze in the air, so relatively good for springtime in Ohio and with Shelby's comforting presence beside her and the small but solid weight of her daughter on her chest, Rachel suddenly felt, what did she feel? Safe? Secure? Loved?

"Penny for your thoughts Rach?" Shelby asked, seeing a thousand different emotions flicker over her daughter's face in a matter of seconds.

"I'm fine" Rachel said automatically, dropping her eyes out of habit.

"That's not what I asked you, and you know it" Shelby smiled and Rachel knew she would have to open up sooner or later.

"I just don't know what I'm feeling. Like, I'm so happy to have her" she pointed to the baby who was lying against her with her blue eyes wide open, "and to be with you again, and I feel, I guess secure and loved for the first time in a long time. My dads, they said that me getting pregnant didn't change how much they loved me but apparently me wanting to keep her made them see that they didn't love me, but you didn't even know about us and you loved us. I still love my dads and I love you too but I-I think I have to put us first" Rachel said, feeling so much better after getting all those pent up emotions out.

"That's an awful lot for you to be worrying about, but I'm so glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me how you're feeling Rach. I will always listen to you and try to help you come to a conclusion, so why don't we pick up your medications and then go and sit in the park?" Shelby suggested and Rachel smiled and agreed.

Shelby went up to the counter and asked for the prescription and was told it would only take about ten minutes to make it up so they agreed to wait, Rachel happy to wander the aisles and look at things while Shelby waiting at the pick up counter.

"Rachel?"
Her head snapped up, and came face to face with a blonde haired girl with a smile on her face

"Quinn?" her voice was quiet and honestly, Rachel is amazed that it didn't shake.

"I called your house for you yesterday, but your dads, they just told me to ring your cell and put the phone down. I figured you might have been sleeping or something…"Quinn trailed off as she saw the baby in the carrier.

"More like 'or something'. I was in hospital, my waters broke the day before yesterday and then she arrived" Rachel explained and Quinn's eyes lit up.

"You're keeping her? But I thought…"

"I couldn't do it. As soon as I held her, she was mine and I couldn't let her go. My dad's threw me out so I had to move in with someone else" Rachel whispered, gently stroking her daughter's cheek.

"Oh Rach, I didn't know! Are you okay? Do you need anything? Is her dad going to help?" Quinn asked

"No. it's just us for the moment, and I'm okay with that for now. I've got a roof over our heads and a good support system. I, well, I just need my friends now I guess" Rachel said decisively, and Quinn nodded her head, her blonde ponytail bouncing up and down.

"You've always got me Rach, you know that right? I know we've had a rocky past, but things are different now, and I'm so sorry for everything I put you through and all those horrible names I used to call you. It wasn't your fault, it was me, and I didn't mean any of it. I'm here if you need anything, as a friend" Quinn smiled at her and Rachel smiled back, thankful that she at least had one friend.

"Are you here on your own?" Quinn asked, looking around

"Not exactly, I-I um, I had to move into foster care and they placed me with my birth mother, so I'm living with her. She's picking up a prescription for me just now" Rachel explained.

"Wow, really? I thought she said that she was your mother, not your mom and that you should be grateful for each other from afar and all that stuff" Quinn said, her eyebrows raised

"Yeah, they didn't know she was my mother until I turned up on her doorstep and we recognised each other. I guess since she's a Corcoran and I'm a Berry, it didn't flag on their system" Rachel said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Can I give you my number Rach? I don't have your cell phone number and I'd like to keep in touch with you, if you'd let me" Quinn whispered, her eyes hopeful

"I'd really like that Quinn, thank you" Rachel smiled back at her as she fished her phone out of her pocket and gave it to Quinn to put her number in while she adjusted the carried as her daughter began to move around a little.

"she's adorable Rach, she looks like you" Quinn remarked and Rachel blushed a little at the inadvertent compliment.

"Thank you, she's only two days old so I don't think she looks like either of us yet, though she hasn't got my eyes, mine are brown. Her dad's are blue" Rachel's smile faltered a little at the thought of her daughter's dad.

"I bet she's got your voice and your talent. She'll be running a glee club in pre-school" Quinn joked and Rachel laugheNid for the first time in what felt like months.

"We'll have to see as she gets a bit bigger. She's tiny just now" Rachel said and Quinn nodded.

"What's her name?"

"I haven't decided yet, I, well, it never occurred to me to have a name for her so I didn't have one prepared. She's going to be a Berry though" Rachel said and her daughter cooed happily.

"Someone quite likes that idea" Rachel laughed a little and Quinn blushed.

"Rachel? There you are! I've got your prescription, are you ready to go? Oh, sorry, I didn't realise you were in the middle of a conversation" Shelby said as she approached her daughter and a blonde haired girl in a cheerleader uniform.

"it's fine Mom, this is Quinn, she's in the glee club with me at school. She's head cheerleader" Rachel introduced them as Quinn tried not to blush again.

"It's lovely to meet you Quinn. It's nice to know that Rachel has a friend to rely on. Now, we really should get going but perhaps once Rachel's settled in and got herself into a routine, you'd like to come over and spend some time with her and the baby?" Shelby asked

"That sounds lovely, I'd love to. Rachel can text me your address. Text me whenever you like Rach, I'm always here for you" Quinn smiled, pressing Rachel's phone back into her hand and giving it a squeeze for good measure.

"Thanks Quinn, see you soon?" Rachel asked, and Quinn nodded, her eyes shining at the idea and the two girls bid their farewells and Rachel walked with Shelby to the exit.

"Mom, can we go home now?" Rachel asked quietly

"Of course baby, are you okay?" Shelby asked, wondering if Rachel was in pain and needed a painkiller or was tired or hungry.

"Yeah, I just, I just want to go home please" Rachel whispered, and Shelby nodded.

Once back in the house, Rachel shrugged off her coat before gabbling that she was going upstairs for a bit. Shelby figured she was tired and needed some time to process everything so gave her some time but after ten minutes, she heard some muffled sobbing and decided to investigate, knocking on Rachel's door but not hearing an answer, she entered and the sight broke her heart.
Rachel was sat on her bed with her back to the door, the baby lying next her, seemingly awake but still content, but Rachel's shoulders were shaking with sobs.

"Rachel? Baby what's the matter?" Shelby asked

"I-I didn't even realise it was happening, it just, God I feel so gross" Rachel sobbed, still facing away from Shelby.

"Rachel, let me help you baby, let me in" Shelby whispered and Rachel turned to face her and Shelby immediately saw what had Rachel so upset. She had apparently leaked through her bra and the front of her top was soaked with milk.

"Oh baby, it's okay, it's okay. Don't get yourself so upset. These things happen. Shush now, let's get you cleaned up and we can figure out how to use the pump so this doesn't happen again, okay?" Shelby offered and Rachel nodded, tears still running down her face.

"Can you watch her for a minute?" Rachel asked and Shelby nodded.

Five minutes later, Rachel returned, her damp clothes in hand and wearing a fresh shirt and bra, feeling a bit better but also somewhat dreading the idea of using the breast pump.

"Ready?" Shelby confirmed, all the bits of the pump were on the bed and she held the instructions.

"I think so" Rachel replied, her voice a bit shaky.

"right, you've washed your hands, so let's get you sat down and try to relax, like you're going to get your baby to feed. Try to massage your breast a bit, it should help the milk flow easier. That's a good girl, you're okay. Right, I've assembled this, so put that right in the centre, that's perfect and whenever you're ready, press the button on the top. It should start quite slowly, that's it, take a deep breath, it's okay Rachel, you can do this. Don't tense up baby, there we go! it's working." Shelby's soothing voice kept Rachel grounded and present, despite her own embarrassment.

Shelby remembered having to do this after Rachel was born, though she had only pumped the first few days to prevent mastitis but the pump ye had bought for Rachel was far more advanced than the manual pump she had been forced to use all those years ago. Once Rachel's milk had slowed, Shelby coaxed her through swapping breasts and talked her through the aftercare that she would need to do.
Rachel started crying again and Shelby came over and sat next her on the bed. Rachel leaned in to her shoulder and Shelby wrapped an arm around the teenager.

"It's okay Rach, it's normal" Shelby whispered

"I know it's normal but, I-I didn't even realise until it happened. If she hadn't been strapped to my chest then everyone would've seen! What happens when I go back to school? I can't leave classes to pump for her and I can't bring her to school to feed her. I don't know what to do!" Rachel exclaimed and Shelby saw the residual insecurities bubble to the surface and saw the vulnerable teenage girl behind the mother.

"We can figure that out nearer the time sweetheart. Let's just focus on today, you've just done that perfectly and in time it will become second nature. And yes, sometimes leaks will happen, but we'll deal with it. As for school, we can look into alternative methods, or you can wean her, or partially bottle feed her, there's so many options baby but please don't worry about them now just now. We can figure it out later. Now, I think you're about finished here, so switch it off and unlatch from the pump, perfect! See, you're a dab hand already baby. Pop the lid on the bottle, and we can put these in the fridge downstairs and use them during the night for baby, okay?" Shelby assured her daughter who took a deep breath and nodded, smiling a little.

"Thank you mom, for doing this" Rachel whispered as she changed the baby's diaper

"It's what I'm here for baby, I had to go through the same thing after you were born. I was on the bus one day and I looked down and my shirt was completely soaked through and I didn't have a change of clothes. I had to soak it up with paper towels and wear my hoodie for the rest of the day. It's happened to everyone baby. Trust me." Shelby recounted and Rachel smiled at her a little.

After the whole meltdown about the breast pump, Rachel was exhausted and asked timidly if Shelby would mind watching the baby so she could have a sleep, to which Shelby agreed. Rachel set an alarm for an hours and half's time so she could go for a quick shower and freshen up a little. Shelby told her that they would be downstairs in the sitting room when she was ready to come downstairs and join them. Rachel enjoyed her nap and the shower was potentially the best feeling she had had in months. While under the warm spray, she thought back to Quinn's innocent question about naming her daughter, she began to think of a few possibilities. After exiting the shower, putting ona fresh set of loungewear and underwear, Rachel continued thinking about baby names as she brushed and braided her long hair into two neat French braids. She found a pen and a notebook and jotted down a few thoughts and ideas about names. She knew that she didn't want her baby to have the name of her ex-boyfriend, so she was left with Berry. After fifteen minutes she had a few names including Freya, Abigail, and Bonnie, taking the notebook and pen, she began to walk downstairs towards her mother and her daughter.

"Hello sunshine, you look a lot fresher, are you feeling a bit better?" Shelby asked

"Yeah, a lot better thanks. How was she?" Rachel asked, sitting down next to her mother and picking up her daughter who gave a coo of delight.

"She's been fine, she cried a bit earlier but I changed her. I think she's probably due a feed though, do you want to feed her o =r use one of te bottles from earlier?"

"I'll feed her. I'll take her upstairs" Rachel made to stand up

"Do you want to just feed her here? She's settled and you're comfortable" Shelby asked

"Is that okay? I don't mind…"

"Feed her here Rach, this is your home too and I want you treat it as though you've always been here. Go on, I'm going to make a coffee, do you want anything?"

"Apple juice please?"

"Coming up. If you need me, just shout me" Shelby smiled, leaving Rachel to feed her daughter in peace. Once she was sure they were alone, Rachel began to sing softly under her breath, feeling her daughter latch and begin to suckle made the words catch in her throat with sheer love. Once the baby was suckling contentedly, Rachel began to talk to her. She hadn't done this since they were in the hospital room together.

"hey baby girl. We're getting through this aren't we? We're figuring this whole thing out together. It's just you and me, and I guess we can call Shelby your grandma. What are we gonna call you though. I can't keep calling you baby girl for the rest of your life. I've been trying to think of some ideas but none of them seem to suit you properly. You don't look like a Freya or a Bonnie, are you an Abigail? Hmm I don't think so. Are you an Elizabeth? No, that's too big a name for a tiny little thing like you. You're not a Christina, or a Lola, or a Lauren either. Hmmm, I wonder what your grandma would've called me if she could've named me" Rachel whispered and then jumped when she heard a voice from the doorway

"Sophie. I wanted you to be called Sophie. When I was pregnant, you loved to kick when I listened to the mama mia soundtrack and whenever I sang any abba songs, so I thought about calling you Sophie or Sophia." Shelby smiled a little sadly and put down the glass of apple juice she was holding.

"I-I quite like that. Maybe she can have Sophia as a middle name?" Rachel suggested and Shelby grinned at her.

"Perfect. What about a first name then, what's on the list?" Shelby asked and Rachel handed her the notebook with some suggestions, most of them crossed out now.

"I can't decide on a first name. It's almost like she's too small for a big name, but I don't really like any of the shorter names. Or the ones I do like don't really work with her last name or middle name." Rachel sighed, swapping the baby to the other breast as smoothly as she could, still gasping a little as she latched on.

"Right, okay, let's do some googling then. How about Elsie, Lilly, Melody, Ruby, Eden, Emily, Mina, Rosie, Nia, Ivy" Shelby continued to list off some names

"Elsie Sophia. Yeah that's good Lilly Sophia, I like that, Demi Sophia , that works too, Eden Sophia, hmmm, not sure, Mina Sophia, no that's not right, Alissa Sophie… I never thought that naming a baby could be so difficult" Rachel huffed a little and Shelby chuckled.

After a few more rounds of trying out names, Rachel settled between Elsie and Lilly and was switching between them when talking to her daughter and with each time, her smile grew, even when her daughter suddenly spit up all over her grandmother, to which both Rachel and Shelby laughed.

"Thanks Mom, for everything" Rachel smiled and Shelby could tell she meant it.

"Thanks for giving me a second chance Rach, I didn't deserve it but you gave me it anyway. That reminds me, I've got something for you, well, both of you" Shelby handed Rachel a brown envelope addressed to her and Rachel paused for a second before opening it, reading the letter, her eyes went wide.

"Mom, you didn't have to… it's… I can't accept it" Rachel stammered

"Breathe Rach, breathe! Let me explain. So you know that your father s paid me to be their surrogate right?" Shelby paused and Rachel nodded "Well, that's the fee. They gave it to me after I delivered you and I knew there and then that I had made a huge mistake. I vowed that I wouldn't spend a penny of this money, it didn't feel like mine, so I put it into savings and it's gathered interest since. I've also topped it up every year with whatever I could, I was going to give it to you when you turned eighteen, but things are different now and it's your money, yours and hers" Shelby pointed to the baby who was now sleeping soundly in Rachel's arms "and I want you to use it Rach. Use it to buy clothes and diapers, and fuel for your car, whatever you need, and I mean it. whatever you need."

Rachel couldn't believe it, she was utterly speechless and just burst into grateful tears and Shelby wrapped her in a hug.

"I love you Rach, and I love your daughter too. I know this doesn't make up for fifteen years and nine months without me but I'm here now, and I want you to know it and feel it"

"I do. I know you love me and you love us. I love you Mom, I love you so much" Rachel said, smiling through her tears.