"Fighting off the loneliness,
On a cold and silent night,
But it's hard to see through the emptiness,
When there's not an end in sight,
To be in crowds feeling desolation, is what I had to do,
I've been hanging on a thread and life comes hard without you."

Tonight You're Mine - Silent Rage

/

When Joss awoke the next morning in her own bed, she felt sore all over, but strangely satisfied too, like that starving primal thing inside of her had finally been sated for the time being.

Billy's naked body was pushed against her back, his warm skin sticky against hers in the humid heat of early morning. The sound of his soft nasal snores made her chuckle to herself in getting to see a hidden vulnerable side of him.

It strangely reminded her of the time her dad had taken her to the zoo when she'd been a little girl. The male lion had been lazing around while the females prowled the fence boundaries, giving each new onlooker a good once over. Everyone crowded to see the male lion and its big bushy mane, it looked just like the pictures in Joss' school books. Except it wasn't stood on a rocky outcrop looking majestic, it was sleeping and rolled fully onto its back, paws in the air, in a way that reminded Joss far more of an over-pampered house cat stretching out in the sun. Joss could still remember those strange noises it made, king of the jungle snores, her dad had called them, some strange mixture of a deep rumbling purr and a snort. To Joss' childish private delight, Billy made a very similar noise as he slept.

When he finally awoke, they'd rolled easily into another session of intimately intertwining bodies, although unlike the night before, this wasn't heated, but lazy and almost half-hearted as they were both still exhausted from their enthusiastic late night exploits, but not exhausted enough to take sex completely off the menu.

They'd been in no rush to actually get up and start their day after that, even if they both had work that afternoon. They lazed around for another few hours, dozing and listening to music as the sunlight slowly made its way across the stuffy room. When she felt she couldn't sleep any more, Joss moved onto her side, studying Billy's seemingly still sleeping face for a moment, trying to conjure the exact words she wanted to say, but feeling no real courage for the task. Just as always, she'd underestimated his acute awareness of his surroundings, he seemed to know without opening his eyes exactly what she was doing. Even if he couldn't quite read her thoughts just yet, it felt like he was getting unnervingly close.

"What?" he questioned with a resigned sigh.

"What happened to your earring?" Joss asked, slipping his unadorned earlobe between her thumb and index finger pads, feeling the indent of the tiny hole beneath her touch.

He reached up and stilled her hand with his, and gave another sigh, this time a little less sceptical. "Can't wear it at work." His thumb casually massaged her palm, pulling her hand down to his chest and holding it there. He shifted his body a little, finding a comfortable position fully on his back, seeming ready to doze off again. "I might just let it close up, it's a hassle."

"What?"" Joss blurted, surprised by just how distressing she found him saying this, and realized quickly, and a little guiltily, that it was because she loved the way he looked wearing those dangling earrings.

"Can't wear anything that can get caught or tangled at the pool, you know, in case I need to actually save someone. Some hot Mrs Robinson type that needs some serious mouth to mouth." He grinned, teasing her and enjoying it. "Can't have my earring getting tangled in her back comb, right?" He was chuckling at his own joke and Joss nudged him roughly in the ribs. In punishment he pinched the skin at her wrist sharply making Joss nudge him again.

"Ouch!" she said, playing up the pain to a dramatic degree.

His thumb began its rhythmic caress of the curve of her palm again, smoothing over the area he had just penalized with extra attention, as if soothing her protests.

"I lost the hoop I used to wear to school and... at home. So, it's a hassle to take it out if I get caught out at school, or my dad sees it."

"Guess your dad hates it then?" Joss said, sounding completely unsurprised.

"Yeah, he hates anything like that. Thinks it's too girly, or vain, or something. He nearly blew a gasket when I had it done. That chick that was in the cult-" he began.

"Oh, yeah, the music store guy's girlfriend, right?" Joss said, with a teasing smirk on her lips, detecting that perhaps a younger Billy might have had a little crush on this increasingly cool sounding woman.

"Yeah, she pierced it for me. Should have seen my old man's face when I came home." He was laughing now at the memory, revelling in it. "Thought he'd burst a blood vessel." His laughter died a little as that happy memory butted against the cold reality that had obviously come after his attempted act of rebellion. He didn't have to tell Joss it had been bad, the look on his face and the stiff set of his jaw, said it all.

"Yeah, your dad seems like the type," Joss said offhandily, trying to sound casual while battling her urges to reach out and touch him and tell him something useless and unwanted. That he was safe here with her, they could stay hidden away for as long as they both wanted, forever maybe, if he'd give up the outside world and remain in her enclosed little bubble. It was a fantasy even Joss knew was cruel, Billy always needed the light, the attention, it fuelled him. He'd wither if she restrained and smothered him.

"The type to what? You've never even met him." Billy pinched her wrist lightly again making Joss slap a hand playfully against his chest.

"No, but I've met a lot of people like him," Joss said, lowering her cheek onto his chest, hearing the steady thump of his heart beneath her.

"And? What type is he then?" Billy said when she didn't finish her sentence.

"The type to read way too much into an earring," Joss said, closing her eyes and listening just a little harder to the inner beat of him.

Billy let out a laugh. "Yeah, stuck in the past. He'd be the first one out with a bible and holy water if he saw too many people step outta line or dress too weird, even though he's not set foot in a church in like fifteen years. Damn hypocrites."

"Exactly," Joss said. "I hope I never get that way, to just dismiss what comes next as wrong or crazy, you know? I want to be one of those cool adults that thinks everything new is fun or interesting. I want to stay open and curious. I knew a few 'groovy' adults like that back in California."

"Groovy?" Billy questioned, and Joss felt a laugh rumble in his chest.

"Yeah, groovy," Joss said, with a more playful force. "They always seemed, I dunno, effortless, or maybe timeless?"

Billy scoffed. "Good luck finding any here in Hawkins. Seems most people here get outta high school and just become zombies, compelled to suddenly hunger for a 'good job', then hunger to get married, all that shit. In the end they just become those same adults they probably hated as kids. Life likes to play practical jokes that way." He sniffed and cleared his throat lowly, as if completely unaffected by his words, like he was reciting facts out of an encyclopedia.

"You think it'll happen to us too?" Joss said, chancing a glance up through her lashes at his face.

"Who knows, especially here. It drains you and it's easy to feel that hunger, you know? Be what others want. To just step in line?"

It sounded like a question, but when Joss chanced another look up at him, he was staring off into space as if lost in his own thoughts a moment, so she didn't reply.

"Back in Cali everyone is kinda more free, I guess. If I get my way I'm gonna be running my own bar back there, maybe my own body shop... If I get really lucky maybe in the next biggest rock band, covered in groupies and living every second like it's my last," he laughed.

"Can you play anything to even be in a rock band?" Joss said, with a dubious raise of both eyebrows.

Billy had closed his eyes again but opened one judgmental blue eye to give her a disapproving look. "Yeah, I can play guitar, kinda. I used to hang around some music stores and play around for a few hours until they kicked me out when it got busy. I can just about remember all the chords to Stairway to Heaven."

"Jesus, I bet they loved you," Joss said with a sharp sarcastic edge, feeling a little rush at being with someone that could make a guitar joke.

It was a well known standing fact in any music establishment that to strum out Stairway To Heaven, Smoke On The Water or Iron Man in a guitar store drove the employees crazy, because they were always played either to the point of ad nauseum or completely out of tune. Joss had seen more than a few hastily drawn up hard line rules when she'd lived in California. The music stores always had a good selection of cassette tapes along with instruments, so she'd become quite familiar with the staff's pet peeves. "How many stores did you get kicked out of exactly?" Joss ribbed, but Billy had closed his eyes again, impervious to her teasing.

"What about me? Think that's my fate, to fall into line?" Joss asked softly after a beat of silence.

Billy let out a grunt, eyes still closed while a grin spread across his face. "Nah, you'll get out, end up as some damn hippy giving out advice and random rock music facts to anyone that'll listen, and harassing those that don't, until you're just known as 'Crazy Old Tanner'." He chuckled, seemingly able to see the exact half-annoyed expression on Joss' face without opening his eyes. "Or maybe you'll stay, find something worthwhile under all the cow shit, I dunno Tanner, why don't you get out your crystal ball?"

Joss laughed and then they were both silent, the sound of birdsong coming in from outside, along with the distant sounds of someone down the street mowing their lawn. Joss had almost begun to drift into full sleep when her mind pushed forward an idea that made her snap back awake, and she jerked her head off Billy's chest, making him start and let out a little grunt of displeasure at being disturbed.

"What now?" Billy said, not even attempting to hide his annoyance.

"I had an idea," Joss said, scooting herself to the end of the bed, making the mattress springs bounce and squeak with the sudden energetic movement, and Billy let out another unhappy grunt as his body was tussled in Joss' scramble to get to her feet.

She walked over to her dressing table and began to sort through the messy contents of many bags and drawers, making a great racket as she did so, until she came to a small music box. She opened the lid and it began to play a very clunky strained 'pink-plonk' version of 'The Sugar Plum Fairy', while a little ballerina twirled jerkily with the music. Her lace tutu now well worn and grubby and her face paint reduced to only a few little specks of black for eyes and red for lips after years of childish fingers following her dance with eager touches.

Billy tolerated the commotion for a few seconds. "Hey, Tanner?" he said, sounding very grumpy. "Can you turn into a Gremlin later? It's too early for this shit."

Joss ignored him, her fingers searching, until she let out a hiss of delight and held up her hand in triumph. "Found it," she said, looking incredibly pleased with herself. She then proceeded to scramble back onto the bed with all the grace of an elephant, which served to only make Billy's body bounce in all the movement like he was riding a wave, which resulted in him letting out a few more gruff sounds of disapproval.

Before he could scold her further or react to her determined actions, her fingers were at his ear, working at prodding and pulling at his earlobe.

"Hey! Ow!" Billy said, moving his head tensely away as if she were attacking him.

Joss blew out a frustrated puff of air. "Just hold still for once, okay?" she insisted.

Billy sighed heavily in indignant tolerance and allowed her to continue in her mission. Joss tried to be a little less clumsy and eager, making her fingers gentle. "There, done," she said, pulling back with a flash of a smile.

Billy's hand explored his ear a moment, feeling the little hoop that now sat snugly against his skin, his fingertips glancing across the smooth thin metal surface.

"It's real small so it won't get tangled, and maybe your dad won't even notice it, if your hair is in the way. I can hardly see it." She grinned in encouragement, craving his praise, but feeling foolish for wanting it at all.

Billy didn't say anything but inspected the earring again with a soft touch, his eyes soberly upon her as if this was all some trick he hadn't quite worked out yet.

"You can take the other one too," Joss rushed out, trying to fill the awkward silence. "My mom bought them for me last Christmas. They are real silver, or something, so she thought I'd like them, not that she has any idea what I like." She raised a teasing eyebrow to him. "You may have noticed, my tastes run a little bigger." She laughed, suddenly feeling nervous and vulnerable, kneeling before him still completely naked and exposed to the daylight. She casually tried to cover herself with a strategic raise of one knee and folded her arms across her chest, hoping he wouldn't call her out on this sudden discomfort. After last night and everything they'd done together, to each other, she felt, somehow, like an impostor in her own skin.

But, his eyes weren't exploring her body, they were firmly upon her face, searching for what, Joss didn't really know. A confession of some kind perhaps? A punchline? A witty snipe? She didn't have more to add, the intention behind her actions feeling too genuine to play off as anything but this moment and her stupid open heart reaching out for a pat on the head before she could snatch its aching longing back into her chest. She could feel herself beginning to flush.

Billy slowly reached out, his grip coming to her upper arms, guiding her down to lie on top of his body. He brushed the hair out of her face, eyes searching and questioning again, but Joss still didn't know what the question he wanted answering was. He met her lips with his own and explored her with slow gentle kisses for a few nerve tingling moments and Joss couldn't help but think this was a kind of thank you.

When they parted, Joss watched him again as he closed his eyes, his palms tracing the sides of her curves from hips to shoulders in smooth fluid movements, like he was distractedly stroking a lap cat as he went back to gently dozing. She knew now probably wasn't the best time to go into school stuff when they were naked, pressed belly to belly, but when was it ever a good time?

"Why'd you break up with Trish?"

"Is it top tier gossip already?" he said, finally opening one lazy eye and focusing upon her for a moment before closing it again.

"I thought she was your 'keeping up the neighbourhood' thing?" Joss pushed.

He cleared his throat and shifted his position slightly, causing Joss to move too and settle back beside him on the bed. He brought up one hand to rest behind his head before he spoke. "She wanted us to start being exclusive. I guess she got spooked about me hanging out with you."

"Me?!" Joss' voice was high and panicked, ready to barrel into a torrent of accusations.

"Well, not you personally, but whoever the girl at the cinema was."

"Oh," Joss said, allowing her body to relax.

"She knew that wasn't what we agreed, but like I said, she got spooked. I guess all the weekends I didn't want to hang out because I was hanging out with you, played some part. She always wanted a quickie or to blow me at parties and then parade around like she was showing off how much we fucked, and that was getting old before I met you, so-"

"Too much information," Joss interrupted.

"Don't go all squeamish on me, Tanner, not after last night." He grinned, flashing all his teeth in delight at getting to call her out. "It wasn't exciting with Trish, ever. Sex was fine, but not fun, just normal, something we did to pass the time. I dunno, it just was what it was."

Joss didn't want to feel the little swell of pride that threatened to bloom, garish and self serving, somewhere deep in her chest at those words, but the knowledge he found his time with her exciting in a way he never had with Trish, made her feel triumphant. Joss didn't particularly like the feeling of basking in another girl's downfall, but it was hard not to feel that glow growing inside her.

Billy seemed to sense her thoughts before they'd even fully formed in her own head. "Don't go getting an ego here, Tanner, I've had a lot of great sex, Trish just wasn't that."

Joss knew she should have felt that as the jab it was intended to be, but his face was smiling down at her, like he was playing gently with her feelings rather than trying to rip out her guts.

"No big egos, got it." She slid a palm across the jut of his hip, making his smile widen.

"You're far from the worst though," he said, catching her hand before it could explore further. "I wasn't fucking around, the other day," he said softly, "at the bar. Me and Trish, we haven't done anything like that since you and me started getting heavy."

Joss felt that thing in her chest swell a little further.

"So I don't know," Billy said with a deep sigh, bringing the conversation away from that little confession as if it hadn't happened at all. "Maybe it was all that stuff that made Trish go Twilight Zone on me. She'd always been chill about it, me with other girls, or when I lost interest for a while. When she had a guy on the side she did the same thing, so it felt even." He shrugged helplessly. "But, something rubbed her the wrong way this time. I don't know, chicks are a mystery," he said with a playful grin, clearly not taking any of this seriously.

"A total enigma," Joss mocked with a roll of her eyes. "So, what? She wanted you to actually go steady?"

"Yeah, get serious. She started talking about stuff after school finished. She wasn't fun anymore." He opened his eyes briefly and Joss got the distinct feeling he was judging her reaction to all this information. "Plus, I didn't want you getting your face wiped across the girl's locker room floor," he taunted, using her own words as a stick to poke her with. "So it felt like a win-win."

"I'm not stepping into her shoes," Joss said stubbornly.

"No one is asking you to," Billy said, closing his eyes again, acting as if he was now just going back to enjoying the lazy time ticking by and the soft music playing in the background. "I don't want another Trish, too much work. This is easier."

"Did you just call me easy?" Joss quipped, with a pulled punch to his ribs, which made him let out a huff of air in surprise.

"Didn't say that either." He sounded far too smug, and settled easily back into a relaxed posture, as if unconcerned with what she thought at all.

Joss didn't really know what to say to that so she rolled over and slowly sat upon the edge of the bed. Now felt like as good a time as any to move the day forward, her stomach was grumbling for food. She looked down at her bare feet a moment trying to make a path through all the muddle of thoughts that wanted to crowd around her.

Billy was now officially single, and lying only inches away from her, in her bed, completely naked. Something about that sent a little shot of anxiety through her nerves, because with Trish as a barrier things had felt safe somehow, less serious. Like things couldn't get out of control because he had a public girlfriend to deal with when all was said and done. That barrier was now gone.

She heard him let out a deep sigh of exasperation and he moved to sit up, nudging his body closer to her back, a hand snaking around her upper torso, palm sliding sensually across her chest until his forearm covered her breasts. He pulled her back against his chest and his lips found the sensitive skin just behind her ear and followed a slow lingering path down to her shoulder.

"Stop over thinking everything," he murmured in between kisses. "You keep saying you want to live in the moment, no ties, right?"

Joss made a low noise of agreement in the back of her throat.

"I'm right here, now. That's all that matters."

Joss turned her head to glance back over her shoulder and allowed her own lips to find his in a reply of understanding, and in return Billy pulled her closer, his fingers seeking between her thighs in affirmation that this was all that counted in this moment, the pleasure. Joss felt that last layer of security begin to dissolve completely as skin pressed to skin once again, and she knew there wouldn't be any more safety nets, only the trust in each other's word.

/

Joss had taken a quick shower and then Billy had followed her lead and taken one of his own. They both got dressed and Joss couldn't help but notice how in the diffused light of her room, his damp curls made him look like a full brunette.

He'd searched around in the bag he'd brought with him from work, a brown leather postal bag that bulged with an array of things it hadn't been made to carry. He pulled out a couple of bottles and focused on pumping some viscous liquid into his hand from one, which he then began to work through his hair as his eyes flicked to her watching him intently through the mirror.

"So, what do they do?" Joss asked, unable to restrain her curiosity. "Doesn't look like mousse."

"It's not mousse, it's setting lotion," he said, smoothing the product through his hair with careful fingers. The mousse should help lock the curls in place, you can't just scrunch it and hope for the best." He gave Joss a smirk through the reflection, obviously calling out her clueless approach to hair styling.

"Well, I kinda never had anyone teach me another way," she said, with a sulky edge, and then hesitated, her lips slightly parted as if the words had become stuck.

"What, Tanner?" Billy said, a little sharpness in his tone that told her to get on with it.

"Will you? Teach me to..." Her words slipped off, she knew she sounded kind of pathetic, not in the least bit cool or confident and her face burned with sudden heat.

Billy let out a low laugh and Joss' eyes went back to his in the mirror, surprised by his response and not quite knowing if he was laughing with her or at her. She caught a glance of her own reflection and looked away hoping she could hide her embarrassment, but the colour was already too high in her cheeks and nose to be missed.

"That's fucking adorable," Billy said with another laugh, and Joss still didn't know if he was teasing her. "Get over here, then." He gave an impatient gesture of his head that she should come join him and Joss slowly got off the bed, her movements unsure, as if expecting some cruel practical joke. "So, you gotta put some of this on your palms, smooth it between your hands." He pumped a few squirts of the liquid into her hands and watched with evaluating eyes as Joss performed the task, more than ready to bark out when she did something wrong. "Now, just kinda, finger it through your hair." He showed her again with his own hair and Joss copied his movements.

"Okay, so what? It looks the same," Joss asked, looking unimpressed at the finished result in the mirror.

"Nah, we gotta finger coil next. Brings out the curls. Then we add the mousse and let it air dry. Last for a few days then, you can fluff it up with some hairspray if it needs it, it's all in the prep."

This all seemed like a lot of upkeep to Joss, but she didn't say anything and watched as he began to demonstrate how to wrap each section of hair around a finger to create a tight coil and then after a few seconds, gently release it.

Joss followed his movements, taking a little longer with the length of her hair to perform the task. "Oh!" Joss let out a little sigh of delight as her hair sprang back into a perfect ringlet.

"Big difference, right?" Billy said, with a flash of a bright grin.

Joss produced another beautiful curl and stared at it in astonishment. "How the hell did you learn to do this?"

"The guy who owned the music store back in Cali-"

"He taught you?" Joss said, cutting him off in teasing.

"No," Billy said, with a grunt of laughter, "his girl. She was a hairdresser and had these big curls that looked so good, while my hair was a puffball. I hung around enough that one day she just asked if I'd ever tried it, said my hair would look amazing if I gave it a go. Gave me some spare products she had from work and showed me how to do the finger curling thing, and that was all she wrote."

He flashed a beautiful wholehearted grin at Joss and she stuttered at her curling attempts, eyes unsure she'd seen what was right in front of her. For a moment that mask he always wore slipped, and it wasn't just a glimpse, it was a full on reveal, and she saw him completely unguarded, genuine, no motives or games, just Billy, and the trust that suddenly shone through that smile and those summer blue eyes suddenly made Joss' heart ache. She so rarely got to see this side of him that she felt she suddenly didn't want to move, like she'd startle the deer grazing nearby with her clumsy movements.

"You okay?" Billy asked, after a few seconds too long had passed with Joss remaining stiff and unresponsive.

"Yeah, yeah," she said, stumbling over the words, "just a lot of work, right?" She gave a dismissive sniff, reluctantly letting the moment go. When she looked at him again, the mask was back on, the unrestrained smile and unwary open eyes smothered by a needed charade. She hadn't noticed before just how stiff his posture always was, until for that brief moment she'd seen him fully relax.

Billy was already half done with his hair and Joss hadn't even finished one section yet. "It takes time to get good at it, get quicker. But, you'll get there," Billy said, as he turned back to the mirror and finished doing his curling in what felt to Joss like a flash. Then he carefully scrunched some mousse into his hair and the result was almost his usual perfectly fluffy curled hairstyle, apart from the fact it wasn't quite dry yet.

"Here," he said turning to her, "let me do some, we'll be here all day otherwise, your hair is so damn long, and my stomach thinks my throat's been cut." Billy's stomach then gave a little rumble as if to put a blunt exclamation on that point.

"Your fingers are way thicker than mine, so that's an unfair comparison." Joss gave another indignant sniff and Billy smirked, his eyes dancing with some sexual innuendo to her words that he smugly kept to himself. Joss felt herself flush again.

She allowed him to do what he knew so well, his hands expertly smoothing and coiling and Joss secretly savoured every second of his relaxing touch, the sensation reminding her of being a young girl getting her hair braided by a friend in the playground on a warm summer day.

By the time they'd finished Joss was looking at herself in the mirror with a strange awe that this was actually her hair. It was glossy and bouncy and full of defined curls. She looked like a movie star, or at least like she'd stolen a movie star's hair.

"Looks good on you," Billy said, dipping his mouth to hers, his hands at her waist pulling her to him, and Joss smiled into the kiss she returned.

/

A/N

Welcome back any readers out there.

I hope you enjoyed the semi fluff here and it was a bit of a relief from all the arguments and mind games, anger, selfishness etc etc etc It won't last, so enjoy it while it's here, but it may not be fully the last fluff either. I LOVED re-discovering this chapter, some of this is a surprise to me too even as a writer because I forgot so much that happened. I think this story might actually be my favourite I've ever written. But, I don't know, because I do remember that it does go a little darker later, so let's see how I feel by that point in the story :))))

Ah, Billy's hair. Anyone have any head canon's how he learned to get it so perfect? I know curlers were a running joke a good while ago, but I just cannot see him in overnight curlers. Max would never let him live it down. I talked to a curly haired friend before I started writing this and they gave me the idea that Billy probably finger coiled his hair as his hair does kinda seem like it is already naturally curly, maybe? I know it's a wig, but let's just pretend okay. I really liked the idea of a woman teaching him to do it too, and piercing his ear, to kinda impress this older woman he had a little crush on. I feel like this woman in my story probably gave Billy some agency to control his physical appearance too, which must have felt like she was giving him something powerful. I just liked that a woman gave him that power here.

I really missed Billy's dangling earring in season 3 :( I wonder why he stopped wearing it completely, apart from you know, the whole possessed thing.

I hope you enjoyed and it was a fun read. See you all next time.