The cafeteria had become a chorus of chaos.

Echoes of Ruby's latest performance—complete with sombrero, sunglasses, and a highly theatrical rendition of "Un Poco Loco"—still bounced off the walls like confetti. No one knew whether to laugh, applaud, or file a report to Ozpin.

Ruby was slouched in her chair, arms over her head, hoodie pulled so far down she might've disappeared inside it.

Across the table, Blake was frozen in dignified horror, her book held like a shield in front of her face.

And somewhere between laughing and wheezing, Yang managed to point and shout:

"You declared her MY WIFE?!"

Ruby peeked out with a sheepish grin. "Sister-in-law vibes. It was for effect!"

"I NEVER CALLED DIBS!"

Nora vaulted over the table, eyes wide. "You guys are getting married?! This is so romantic!! Can I be flower girl?!"

"No," Blake said immediately.

"I already made a dress!" Nora added, holding up a suspiciously sparkly sketch.

Ren raised an eyebrow. "You made that in the last ten seconds?"

"She's been waiting for this day," Pyrrha whispered with a fond smile.

Jaune, still recovering from his own Ruby-assisted humiliation a few days earlier, looked between Blake and Yang like they were puzzle pieces. "Wait… is this actually a thing?"

"NO!" Blake and Yang shouted together.

Velvet from Team CFVY was nearly in tears. "I can't breathe… Ruby, you moonwalked away. With a ukulele."

Coco adjusted her sunglasses—indoors, of course. "Kid's got confidence. Or a death wish."

Yatsuhashi rumbled, "She made the hat work."

Even Fox signed something, to which Velvet translated while giggling:

"He says that was 'the single most confusing love triangle resolution he's ever seen.'"

Sun Wukong, perhaps the only one more traumatized than Ruby, stood in the middle of the cafeteria pointing furiously at the screen's ghostly absence.

"THAT WAS MY MOMENT! I HAD A LINE PREPARED!"

Weiss leaned over to Ruby. "And you just… interrupted him?"

Ruby pouted. "He was taking too long!"

"He was gathering his courage!"

"I had a hat!"

Blake groaned, dragging her hands down her face. "How did anyone think it was a good idea to give her a guitar and creative freedom?!"

"Hey!" Ruby said, mock-offended. "I was a fantastic wingman."

"You sabotaged the confession."

"I ended the suffering early!"

"By claiming I was engaged?!"

"Emotionally engaged," Ruby corrected with a grin.

Team JNPR had huddled near the wall, observing the chaos like biologists watching a newly discovered species in the wild.

"She really just… declared marital rights and walked off," Ren said, sipping his tea.

"I'm honestly impressed," Pyrrha murmured. "Ruby commits."

Jaune nodded solemnly. "Yeah, but… why a sombrero?"

"Why not a sombrero?" Nora asked, as if it were the dumbest question in the world.

Back at Team SSSN's table, Neptune was practically rolling on the floor.

"I can't—*I CANNOT—*she pulled out a sombrero and then apologized in Spanish!"

"Did she really say 'mi amigo' before announcing Blake's relationship status?" Scarlet asked, wiping his eyes.

Sage crossed his arms, his serious demeanor unshaken. "At least it wasn't a tuba."

Sun was pacing like a man betrayed. "She said I had no chance. That Yang called dibs! That's not a thing!"

"You tried to ask her out in front of a girl who has flame hair and gauntlets!" Neptune argued. "You deserved to be stopped!"

Sun dramatically fell onto the table. "All I wanted… was a date."

"And you got a mariachi band's worth of humiliation."

In the midst of the uproar, the professors finally entered the scene.

First came Professor Port, who dabbed at his eyes with a monogrammed handkerchief.

"Ah! The beauty of spontaneous musical expression! The thrill of romantic declarations! It reminds me of the time I serenaded a sabertooth Grimm with nothing but a recorder and raw emotion!"

No one dared ask for context.

Professor Oobleck skidded in moments later, muttering to himself and scribbling furiously in a notebook.

"Fascinating. The screen appears to be operating with a level of sentient timing—selecting emotionally charged events, moments of comedic or romantic significance, always involving Miss Rose's increasingly bizarre instrument choices…"

Ruby perked up. "Wait. Does that mean it likes me?"

Professor Glynda Goodwitch walked in next, arms folded so tightly her shoulders looked like they might snap inward.

"Miss Rose," she said coolly. "Would you care to explain—again—how this footage was recorded?"

"I swear I don't know!" Ruby protested. "I didn't ask the screen to show anything! I didn't even know it saw that!"

"Do you frequently dress in themed costumes and perform spontaneous musical interventions?"

Ruby hesitated. "...Maybe?"

Ozpin strolled in last, his coffee steaming gently.

"I must say, Miss Rose, you have a flair for… dramatic interruption."

"Thank you?" Ruby said, unsure if it was a compliment or an indictment.

"I do have one concern," he continued, stirring his cup.

Ruby blinked. "What is it?"

"You didn't play the full version of 'Un Poco Loco.'"

The room exploded again.

Yang banged her forehead on the table. "Ozpin, please…"

Back at Team RWBY's table, things were getting existential.

"So," Blake muttered, "let me get this straight. I've now been publicly serenaded, forcibly engaged, and moonwalked away from."

Ruby nodded. "All true."

"And it's immortalized on video."

"Yep."

Blake stared at her. "I will get revenge."

Ruby nodded solemnly. "Fair."

Weiss leaned in. "Does this mean we support Bumbleby now? Or are we all just passengers on the chaos express?"

"Too late," Yang said. "That ship has departed the station."

Ruby raised a cookie. "To the screen."

"To the chaos," Blake sighed.

A few tables over, Team CFVY had started taking bets.

"One lien says Weiss is next," Velvet whispered.

Coco laughed. "No way. It's gonna be Ozpin. I'm betting he once did a one-man musical."

Yatsuhashi looked up. "What if the screen is Ozpin?"

Everyone stared at him.

Fox signed slowly. Velvet translated: "That's the dumbest and most amazing theory I've heard today."

As the noise began to settle and students returned to their meals, the screen above flickered one last time.

But no image appeared.

Just a soft pulse. A gentle buzz.

Like it was listening.

Like it was smiling.

And then it was gone.

For now.

But everyone knew better.

Because at Beacon Academy?

The past was never really gone.

Especially if Ruby Rose was involved.