[AN: dis ez contamination of My Immortal, eye m not sane author but too bass!]

Hi my noom is James Jay Jimmelson and this is my story as one of the bestfriends of Enoby (were just fronds nd only frenched once u perv) who leads us against the Dank Lord and his Death Deelers! I'm not as goffik but I'm not a fuckin prep, today I wore slim fit black jeamz (man I'm sexy) with a demonic flame red shurt and black skoll and a black MCR hoodie on top. I finished it off with black nail polish (da cooliest boiz all were it, don't be mad ur bad) and blood red loafers.

I walked to class with Vampire and B'loody Mary. We chungled as we opened Proffesser Sinister's door…But she wasn't pear!

"Hi JJ," Professor Rumbridge said flirtily birding her eyelashes. "Ew u old hag stop hatting on me" I groaned sensually. "Ebony will be back from her vampire training and she want be happy you fatso."

Cambridge shook her hand disgustingly. "Today's lessoff is aboot parfitseas" she intoned didactically. Everyone fell adeep at twice cuz she was so boring. I took a sip of human blood, I'm half-vampire and it's like cardi to me but I don't need it to survive.

Suddenly Dark Baldemart flu in on a broomstick. I gosped.

"Jane thou must kill Enoby!" Darth Valer yielded. He looked like a snake but I knew he wasn't because Nagini's tongue was more forked.

"No I won't you ugly bitch!" I shooted and pulled out my wand made of unicron hornz and shiny dargon scale.

"Thou can't hurt me with that fuckwit" Volzemort smeared. "Thy stupidity is great but not as great as thy wait." He crooned crudely.

B'loody Mary and Vampire contorted me. We were twogether after Ebony choosed Darko but they still did it with Vrompire sometimez, we were eke wid it as long as Maru could take video; but I had to protect them all from Loopin who was a pefofile staker. Everyone sed I wuz handsome now I had become really pale and thin and sos exy over the midsommer.

"Shut up Valorant you ain't all that plus you aren't even hot like Satan anymore," I snapped my fongers at him. "Git, whoer."

B'oldy highfived me and Vrompire smirked at his nemesis seductively. Vladimir shook his wind menacingly. I smiled at my lovers and we started making out passively, taking of each other clothes (mostly from Hot Topic cuz we're coal like that). Vampyr and I took out our thingies and B'loody Mair unhooked her bra, but then…

"STOP THAT AT ONCE YOU ACUTELY DENSE SIMPLETONS!" Preacher Dundlebore roared. He had woken up from his nap. Rumbridge was slurping popcorn in a corner pervily. "PUT YOUR TONGUES AWAY CURS" he advised wisely.

"I WILL GET THEE ONE NIGHT" (geddit bcuz he's dark?) Voldemort parmesaned evilly as he rised his wand.

Dumblydore cockled sexili. "You can try" he snored. Volley gave him da finger as he disapplerated with a final shit: "I say to thee James, it's thy destinny to oboy me!"

We breathed sighs of releaf…Then we heard Hairgrid calling us to the Forbidden Forest!