Puberty Blue's

Possible trigger warning for: Transgender peoples and body dysmorphia.

Puberty eventually hit the Umbrella Academy somewhere around their eleventh birthday, claiming Vanya as the first victim. Well, not technically, since Luther's voice had already broken and Klaus seemed to be getting close, too, much to all of their amusement, but out of the three girls in the house, almost in some sort of horrible twist of fate, puberty decided to claim Vanya before Allison or even Willa. There was a horrible sort of irony to it all.

And it didn't go over well.

Willa dragged her black combat gear down off her shoulders, the tight, thick fabric hot against her skin as she peeled it away, feeling rather like a snake peeling its skin as she did so. She had already kicked her heavy combat boots off the second she had reached the bathroom, desperate for a shower after their latest mission. It had gone well, just a fairly minor arms dealer that was supposed to receive a big shipment of guns at the docks, though the issue had been that they had taken several dockworkers hostage. She had been tasked with going in and assessing how many hostages there was, how many baddies, and what positions they were in, before telling the rest of the kids. Then, Luther and Diego entered the warehouse first, thanks to Five's blinking. After that, it had all become kind of a blur of gunfire and throwing knives and fists, Willa and Klaus had been charged with taking the distraction of the fighting to get the hostages free and out, while the rest of the kids dealt with the baddies, and much like they had at the bank during their first mission, they had finished the scene by Ben making sure that the arms dealers that were left remaining, wouldn't come back to cause any issues in the future.

No one had really gotten hurt, except for the bad guys, and it had all taken them less than ten minutes to get in and out, well under the fifteen minute time limit Reginald had given them before setting them free. You would think that might have earned a 'Good Job, Kiddos,' from the old man, but nope, he still managed to find criticism in how Diego and Luther had briefly gotten distracted during the fight and Luther had very nearly walked right in the path of one of Diego's throwing knives. There was always something they hadn't done quite right, no matter how petty or minor it was.

Willa scoffed as she glanced at her reflection in the mirror above the bathroom sink, indents from her stupid mask marking around her eyes, while her cheeks were still flushed with a mixture of anger from their debriefing with Reginald and heat from the hot gear they were forced to wear, even though it was the middle of summer right now. Her red hair, tied back in two plaits over both of her shoulders, were slightly frizzy looking. She had been briefly forced to fight when one of the bad guys had taken a run at her while she had been distracted trying to find a safe path out of the warehouse, the bad guy managing to clock a slightly sloppy, though decent, punch into her right shoulder. She had managed to deflect the punch at the back of her head, shoulder taking the brunt of the blow when she had thrown herself to the side. The bloke had quickly been dealt with with a sharp jab to his stomach with her boot, swiftly jumping his consciousness from his body, (Semi-accidently, since she was kind of getting the hang of that nifty trick…), but the blow had left a dark purple bruise to already start blooming against the pale flesh of her upper arm. She poked it experimentally and scowled as a sharp pain brought a hiss to her lips and she dropped her arm, huffing.

She was fucking eleven years old, why the hell was she dealing with this damn nonsense?

It bewildered her even more the fact that the rest of the world didn't seem to care that they were kids fighting bad guys with guns and knives, and whatever the hell else. Just like always, their latest mission had already made headline news, and the press had been eagerly scrambling to try and get pictures of them when they had left the warehouse, forced to briefly pose before the media in their combat gear and masks, smiling for the flashing cameras and yelling journalists, as very firmly instructed by Reggie they must do. Like always, Allison had acted like it was a photo shoot, smirking and posing with her hands on her hips, while Willa had merely smiled tightly and draped an arm around a slightly shaky Ben, trying to offer the rather horrified boy the only scrape of comfort she could as they stood before the world and were called 'Heroes'. It didn't matter that they were kids or that they had real bullets shot at them, or that poor Ben was forced to commit murder moments before when the boy was probably the least bloodthirsty out of all of them.

No one cared. No one questioned the ethics or morality of it.

Willa angrily sat on the edge of the bathtub and roughly pulled the suit free from around her ankles, kicking it over to the corner and glaring at it briefly, the urge to set it on fire burning hot through her veins. She enjoyed helping people, saving them, but the fact that they were only eleven and the rest of the world didn't seem to care about that at all, didn't sit right with her. Surely child services were watching? The rest of the world was, hell, even the American President was a bloody fan of them, having invited them to the White House a couple of months back for a damn press-call and given them little medals of honour for having saved his daughter from being abducted. There was no hope for them with the President basically declaring to the world his full support for the Umbrella Academy like that.

She roughly pulled her plaits loose and dragged her brush through the wild waves that had formed through her hair from the plaits, pulling a little harder than normal, not caring about how her scalp stung as she tugged roughly through knots and snags. Her reflection was full of anger and bitterness as she met her own angry glare in the smudge-free mirror above the sink, and a part of herself couldn't help wondering just what Ma or Meg would have made of the girl reflected back at her, because she certainly didn't look like the same one who had left Wales a little over a year ago. Sure, she still had the same long, slightly wavy ginger hair, the same honey brown eyes and milky white skin that seemed to burn at the first contact with the sun, but there were differences. She knew there was, her eyes no longer looked as soft and bright as they once did, she had lost that childish innocence at some point, she had lost some of the baby fat in her cheeks, probably from all the excising and training that they did every day, while even her jaw-line had changed from the bracers. She would be getting them off in another six months and the change in not only her teeth, but in her face, was surprising, because it had never been something she had even thought about until the Umbrella Academy, Ma certainly never could have afforded to get her bracers.

That just felt like another thing to be angry about, to be honest, because it all came right back to Reginald Hargreeves and his complete power over her life.

Willa hated feeling bitter, but sometimes it just spilled out of her. For the most part, she guessed she had come to accept her path in life, come to accept that she was a part of the Umbrella Academy now and there were some consequences to that, like getting shot at semi-regularly or having to do whatever Reggie decided was best, like taking drugs to make you basically paralysed. However, it wasn't all doom and gloom, the fact that she had formed a pretty tight bond with the other kids helped; in fact, it was one of the only things that made everything bearable, for the most part. She had truly grown to really love the other kids, all of them, even Luther and Five held a soft spot in her bitter, angry little heart, and without a doubt in her mind, if it came to it, she would do whatever she could to help or protect them, and that had nothing to do with team bonding. They only really had each other in this place, Pogo was lovely and sweet and so wise, but he clearly was always going to be Reggie's man, while Grace was literally built and designed by Reginald, her every action had to come from him, right? It was hard to imagine that, given how warm and loving the robot was, but it only made sense to Willa.

Her gaze caught her own again and she lowered her hairbrush, and she couldn't help feeling rather silly. She shouldn't complain, she'd had almost ten years of living with her Ma and being loved and adored, but the other kids had only ever known this life. It felt wrong and ungrateful to allow herself to become so filled with anger and bitterness…but then her gaze caught the growing dark bruise blossoming across her shoulder, and she decided that she was more then allowed to wallow in self-pity for the night.

The shower was a welcome delight, washing away much of the aches in her joints and muscles, cleansing her skin of the feeling of drying sweat and washing away the dust and grime. Towelling herself dry and then dressing her upper body in the silky grey pyjamas that they all had to wear hurt, she had to grit her teeth and bite back tears as her shoulder pulled painfully, and she just knew that tomorrow Reginald would probably make her do weights or something. She didn't bother doing anything more than brushing her wet hair, holding her arms up for any longer was pure agony now. She had to take a moment to gather herself, glaring at her slightly blurred reflection in the misted mirror, eyes glossy from angry, miserable tears. She roughly rubbed her eyes dry, before gathering up her towels and tossing them in the laundry basket for Grace, then her toiletries. She almost smacked Allison in the face with the door with her abruptly she opened it, causing the other, slightly taller girl to smoothly slide backwards a step, out of instinct and years of training.

"Allison?" Willa blinked, hugging her toiletries to her chest with her uninjured arm, "What the...stalker, much?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Wills," the other girl rolled her eyes good naturally, casually flipping her curly hair over her shoulder. She looked totally unharmed and fresh, dressed back in the Academy uniform, all prim and proper, little navy-blue headband included.

"Well, what else am I supposed to think? People don't normally hang out around occupied bathrooms, especially when there's four others you could be using, not unless you're a pervert..."

"There's only room for one pervert in this family and Klaus already has that covered," Allison remarked lightly, still utterly unruffled. In fact, she eyed Willa slightly more curiously, looking vaguely concerned, vaguely sympathetic, "How's the shoulder?"

Willa instinctively shifted her shoulder slightly, as if to roll it...she abruptly stopped the movement and grimaced painfully, feeling a sharp bolt of pulsing pain immediately zip down her arm, causing her fingertips to tingle. She gave Allison a tight grimace.

"I'm definitely feeling it," she muttered stiffly, not entirely feeling comfortable to admit just how sore it actually was.

It wasn't that she didn't trust Allison or like the other girl; she did, but she was also slightly wary about her. She wasn't entirely sure what to make of Allison, sometimes she thought that she hated her dad as much as Willa hated the old man, other times it almost seemed like Allison enjoyed relishing in being on her dad's good side (If such a thing could ever even be possible...), just simply because Allison's powers came so easily and naturally to her, seemingly without much effort. Out of all of the kids, Allison was the one who seemed to find training with her ability easiest, for this reason, Reggie seemed to largely allow Allison to have things easy, or easier than what Klaus or Vanya got, anyway. For that reason, Willa couldn't help being a little uncertain of Allison, whether or not the other girl's motives were pure and driven entirely from a mutual hatred for the same person, and so Willa found herself avoiding fully admitting things to Allison, unlike Klaus or Vanya, who she trusted without a second thought in her head about them sharing her secrets with anyone else for gain.

"Sucks," Allison gave her a small smile, "But, from what I saw, you seemed to handle your own out there tonight. Not bad for the new kid".

"Can I really still be called the 'New Kid' a year on?"

"In this house, when we've all been born into it? Yeah, you're always gonna be the new kid 'round here".

"Oh, God..."

Allison smirked knowingly and shrugged, before her expression grew sly, casting Willa with a long look, "So...we're gonna celebrate tonight," she said, lowering her voice, very slightly, sounding utterly confident and very slightly bossy, "I mean, we deserve it after our hard work, right?" she scoffed slightly bitterly, then, "And Dad's not going to celebrate".

Willa regarded her curiously, if a little carefully...could it be a trap? Hmm...possibly, she wouldn't completely put it passed Allison, honestly. It would be a pretty mean and nasty thing to do, but if she had learnt anything from watching the kids struggle desperately to gain their dad's approval and love through showing off their own abilities or smarts, it was that they would go to great lengths to try and gain approval. Diego and Luther would smack each other around and cause actual physical harm to one another, just for the sake of proving that they're willing to do whatever for their dad. Allison was a lot less obvious in her desire for daddy's approval, but Willa didn't believe for a second that Allison didn't crave it as much as her siblings all did, she just seemed to conceal it better than the rest of them.

"Celebrate how?" she questioned, peering at her thoughtfully.

Allison grinned brightly at her, eyes lighting up.

...

Sneaking out to get donuts at the little diner that Willa visited with Grace during her first few weeks at the Academy, wasn't quite what Willa had expected, but God was it a good idea. Griddy's Doughnuts was exactly how she remembered it, the air thick with the warm smell of coffee, sugar, and cinnamon, while the bright, fluorescent lighting of the diner spilled out into the otherwise empty, darkened parking lot outside. It was close to one in the morning by the time they ended up arriving at the diner and shockingly, no one seemed to spare the eight kids in posh school uniforms much mind, even at the late hour and without any adults around to supervise the obviously very young kids. The lady serving and seemingly the only one on duty at all, barely battered an eye at them as she took their rather extensive order down on a thick, grease-stained notepad, before disappearing into the back kitchen without a comment or question regarding where their parents were.

"We're not listening to that crap, Diego!" Klaus moaned loudly, elbowing his brother's side sharply, "Get out of the way, it's my turn, anyways..."

"Hey!" Diego glared back at him, smacking his shoulder sharply, "It's my turn and Madonna's for girls, Klaus..."

Willa sucked on her strawberry milkshake and watched the pair bicker back and forth, while smacking one another pathetically, batting one another's hands away from the dials and switches of the massive, original looking jukebox that stood in the corner of the diner, seemingly having been vaguely forgotten by time, or so she suspected since at least the last decade, judging by the lack of any current songs listed. Naturally, after stuffing their faces with donuts, bought by Allison's powers to control the waitresses will, some of the kids had been drawn to the music. Thus far, Luther and Allison, and now Diego had all gotten a chance to pick, though Klaus had seemed to take offence at the selection.

"You take that back about my girl Madonna! She's a Queen!"

"You're a Queen, Klaus, knock it off before I knock your teeth out!"

"I actually don't mind Madonna," Allison remarked from where she perched herself on a stool by the counter, swinging her feet, while plucking chunks of pink icing from off the top of a doughnut and popping it in her mouth ideally, barely sparing the boy's much of a glance, "Her songs are catchy".

"Yes!" Klaus cheered, grinning widely as he threw Diego a smug, haughty look, "That's two against one!"

"Shut it, Allison!" Diego snapped irritably, turning to stab a finger in her direction, "No one asked you...!"

"Madonna's not bad..." Luther mumbled from around a large mouthful of doughnut, spraying some crumbs down his front, a dab of chocolate on the corner of his mouth as he peered at Allison from the corner of his eye.

Diego scoffed, his expression growing rather flat, "Big shocker..."

"Oh, God..." Five scowled over the top of his cup of black coffee, clutching the white cup between his hands, while a physics textbook sat open beside him and a notepad, scrawled with messy notes. He spared Luther and Diego a dark look, "Would someone just pick a song already and stop whining about it? I'm trying to concentrate..."

"Nerd," Klaus mock coughed.

He barely ducked the half-eaten doughnut that was thrown in his direction, hitting the wall behind Klaus and splattering jam across the wall. The waitress behind the counter reading a magazine didn't even glance up, chewing absently on some pink gum and blowing a small bubble between her lips. Diego took the moment of distraction to zip forward and hit a button on the jukebox, selecting his song. The sounds of 'Hotel California' by the Eagles began crooning through the room and Klaus, seemingly almost instantly forgetting all about his previous moaning, began swaying and twirling to the beat. Diego looked like he might truly strangle him. Amidst it all, Willa couldn't help noticing that the only one who didn't seem to be enjoy themselves (Five didn't count, he only seemed to enjoy snarky commentary or showing off his big brain, and even he seemed happy with a coffee), was Vanya.

The dark-haired girl sat beside Five, at the end of the booth that they had claimed as their own for the night, while Willa sat opposite her. Ben was tucked into the corner, by the window, bobbing his head along with the song as he amused himself by doodling a little picture on one of the napkins. Vanya's expression was oddly distant as she sat there, physically present but seemingly off in another world, a crease between her eyes and an anxious curl to her lips. She hadn't spoken a word that Willa could remember hearing from her all evening. It was weird and worrying, and maybe not entirely out of character for Vanya to be way less chatty than the rest of her siblings or Willa, but this seemed even a little extreme for Vanya.

"V?" Willa said, eyebrows arched, but the other girl didn't even seem to hear her, never mind the fact that Willa was sitting right across from her, and the music wasn't that loud. She frowned, "Hey, Vanny, you alright?"

Five's eyes flickered up from the pages of his textbook, but rather than looking irritable by yet another interruption, even he seemed to clock that something was amiss with Vanya. His eyes darted sideways to eye Vanya, slightly squinted suspiciously, before his gaze slide back across to Willa and he gave her a look that clearly read: Something's wrong, fix it. Willa very nearly scoffed and rolled her eyes at the kid, because why was it her job to try and fix whatever was going on with Vanya? It was his sister, but whatever, she was concerned, and she had picked up on it first, and Five was seriously the last person to be trying to console anyone.

"Vanya?" she tried again, turning her gaze back to the dark-haired girl.

Vanya blinked distractedly and her eyes darted up sharply, and when she realised that she had the attention of both Five and Willa peering back at her, she seemed startled and swiftly embarrassed, blinking rapidly. She almost seemed to shrink back, as if she truly didn't want to have any focus on her right now, while a pink tinge swept across her pale cheeks. Willa almost felt bad that she had even brought attention to her odd, withdrawn mood, because it suddenly became quite plain to her that Vanya really hadn't wanted anyone to notice.

"...Where you saying something?" she asked, still oddly distractedly, as if she really wasn't present with them, eyeing Five and Willa warily.

"What planet are you on, Van?" Five eyed her dubiously; eyes slightly squinted, though beneath it all, Willa thought he actually did look a little concerned. Just a little.

"Oh, I was...was just..." but she didn't seem to have any excuse to give them, not that she didn't seem to dismiss before it even left her lips, peering slightly anxiously between them, shrinking even deeper down into her seat, until the top of her head surely wasn't even visible above the top of her seat.

Willa blinked and frowned, and Five narrowed his eyes at his sister, before darting his gaze firmly back across to Willa, lips briefly pressing into a thin line. Okay, when Five was looking worried about someone, then you know things are bad. Even Ben had stopped his scribbling on his napkin to glance up, though he seemed a little puzzled, then anything else. Willa straightened herself determinedly, because this wasn't acceptable. Tonight was supposed to be their little night of freedom, a few precious hours away from old Reggie for them to listen to music and dance, and talk, and laugh, and hell, just be kids! Vanya being miserable, seemingly lost in her own little world, wasn't okay.

"Bathroom, Vanya," Willa told her firmly, giving her a glare that dared her to argue back, "Now".

Five and Ben stared at her in bewilderment, but she ignored them as she moved to slip out from the booth, and Vanya blinked blankly up at her, for a moment, before sighing and glancing awkwardly at Five. It was almost surprising that he actually shuffled out of the booth, stepping back to make room for Vanya to stand without making a fuss about having to move, but Willa supposed it wasn't that shocking, if she thought about it. Five did seem to have a bit of a soft spot for Vanya, she had occasionally come across the pair of them reading together in the library or even in each other's rooms, not seeming to be chatting, mind, but comfortable with one another, nonetheless.

Willa turned and led the way towards the woman's bathroom, which sat off to the side of the room, two doors on swing hinges that stood side-by-side, one with a customary stick figurine of a woman in a triangle dress on a plaque on the door, bold lettering reading 'Ladies,' which a similar sign and lettering, only with 'Men's' on that door. She felt the curious gazes of the other kids on her back as she shoved the lady's door open and stopped to look back expectantly to Vanya, who trudged into the bathroom with a rather withdrawn frown curving her features, head very slightly bowed and shoulders hunched, looking as if she wished to be anywhere else. Willa turned and strolled in after her.

The tiles were a shocking shade of peach in the bathroom, while the air cold and smelling like gross, cheap air freshener, though considering that it was a public restroom it definitely could have been worse. There were only two stalls, littered and marked with graffiti on the pink toned stalls, while matching pink sinks sat beneath a slightly murky looking mirror that ran across the wall opposite from the stalls. There was more graffiti littering the tiles around the mirror, but Willa didn't bother to take much notice of any of that, rounding on Vanya as soon as the door swung shut behind them, muffling the loud sound of the chorus to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cindy Lauper crooned over the speakers.

"What's wrong?" Willa asked immediately, crossing her arms across her chest, regarding the other girl in concern.

"Nothing".

Her eyebrows darted up sharply at the quick response, evidently well prepared. Yeah, she wasn't buying that one. Come on, V, gonna have to do better than that, honey.

"Did something happen while we were on mission?" she eyed her, ignoring her response.

Vanya's eyes darted away from her and she tensed, "...no".

Willa straightened sharply, taking a long, deep breathe in. So, something did happen.

"Was it your dad?" she pressed, slightly more worriedly.

She didn't see how it could have been Reggie, since the old man had been watching them from afar during the mission, making sure they didn't' do something seriously wrong or get themselves killed, though she doubted if the old man would have stepped in, even if one of them did get almost killed. Hadn't bothered to step in when bullets were flying in their direction, had he, now? But maybe he had left instructions behind with Grace or Pogo for them to do something unpleasant with Vanya, she wouldn't put anything past the old man. Ever. If he could drug her and let her spend a night puking her guts out without even bothering to check on her, even once, he was capable of arranging for anything terrible and awful to happen to Vanya while they were out of the house. Willa still hadn't forgotten what Klaus had told her about what his old man did to him for his private weekly lessons, and while Willa didn't think the other kids suffered quite so badly as her or Klaus did, she still wasn't trusting that they weren't secretly being tortured, either. She was officially on edge and suspecting everything.

Vanya, however, looked a tiny bit confused, "No," she said, this time a little firmer, and Willa believed it.

"Okay...well, if it wasn't your dad, what's wrong?"

It was the strangest thing. Vanya actually paled. Willa gaped at her in slight disbelief, alarm swiftly washing over her as an oddly horrified, disgusted look briefly crossed her friends pale cheeks, before her dark gaze darted away again and shifted on the spot, grimacing. She scuffed the toe of her lace-up black shoe against the peach-coloured floor tiles, cracked and slightly grimy looking, and refused to meet Willa's gaze again.

"I..." she stopped, and paused, seemingly struggling to find the words. She briefly closed her eyes, "I got my period".

Willa...blinked, rapidly, for a second, positive she was about to hear something truly awful and horrible, something even worse than Klaus getting locked up in a mausoleum at night and confronted by ghosts that screamed at him, until he eventually passed out, sort of level of terrible. But getting your period for the first time? That was...well, that wasn't bad. She still hadn't gotten hers, but she wasn't scared of it, kind of curious, more than anything else, not like Allison, who was actually kind of excited to get it because she seemed to think it would make her all grown-up over night, but curious to know what it was like. She didn't think it would be that horrible of an experience, though she'd read that some girls got such bad pains that they vomited, and bleeding for days did sound gross...

"Does...it hurt that bad?" she asked slowly, awkwardly, not knowing quite what to make of Vanya's reaction.

Vanya looked horrified. Like, truly freaked.

"Not...really," the other girl frowned, still, looking vaguely repulsed and deeply uncomfortable, eyes still downcast. She was hugging her middle now.

"Oh..." she stared at her blankly, not getting what was wrong, then. If it didn't hurt that badly, then...what was the big deal? They were girls, Grace had told them it was coming, they'd had the whole talk plenty of times, even the 'Birds and the Bee' talk had been swiftly given to Willa upon her first few days at the Academy by Grace, full of way more scientific language then most kids got for their first talk, she suspected, but all Willa could say was that she was just happy it hadn't been Reggie giving her that talk. She eyed Vanya's huddled form warily, "Is it really, super, super gross? Like, I figured it would be, bleeding like that and for days, and not being able to do anything about it to make it stop..."

"You have no idea," Vnaya cut in, and she shuddered in disgust. She looked up, then, and she almost looked haunted, like she truly had just come out of a mausoleum in the middle of the night after a stint of having ghosts screaming in her face, "It's...it's disgusting and...and..." she broke off and squeezed her eyes shut, a look of frustration crossing her face, and she seemed to hug herself tighter, "Wrong, Wills! It's just wrong".

Okay, then...Willa struggled to understand what exactly was so wrong, she'd come to think of it as a rite of passage that most girls had to just...deal with, she guessed. Her Ma had to do it, so had her Granny Gwen, and Meg would likely endure it, too. Just...nature, the female body, how it kind of worked, and if you didn't get your period by the time you're sixteen, then that could be a serious medical issue that needed to be investigated. She didn't think there was anything wrong with it, gross, sure, and she really hoped she got lucky and didn't end up getting bad cramps, like loads of other girls apparently got, because she dreaded to imagine how she would try and deal with training and frigging cramping on top of bleeding, but she would deal. Kinda had to, didn't she?

"Why's it so wrong, V?" Willa asked her curiously, puzzled, concerned.

Vanya shook her head and bit her bottom lip, and Willa was startled to see tears fill her eyes. They didn't fall, but she looked physically pained and disgusted, and really scared...Willa gasped and immediately rushed forward to bundle her up in a tight hug, and Vanya practically clung to her. A shuddering sob left her and Willa, even though she had no clue why she was so upset, didn't understand what was so wrong, held her tightly and stared at the peach-coloured tiles on the wall over her shoulder, shocked.

"I don't know," she hiccupped, between gasping sobs, clutching her tightly, "I don't...know what's wrong...it just...is, Will. I don't...I don't feel...right. It's just...wrong, I'm wrong".

"No, you're not," Willa breathed hastily, appalled, heart breaking, "You're not wrong, Van, you're not, you're...you're gonna be alright. You're just...just shocked, adjusting..."

Years later, Willa would think back on this moment and shake her head at her own naivety of her youthful self, but eventually she'd come to realise exactly why Vanya likely felt how she did, why she had freaked out so horribly when she'd gotten her first period, when Willa herself had barely blinked an eye on the day she had gotten hers, or how Allison had basically thrown herself at Willa and hugged her in excitement, whispering in her ear that she'd gotten it that morning...Vanya, eventually calmed down and seemed to reluctantly accept, but Willa knew that she never lost that sense of wrongness. She noticed it in how Vanya seemed to lean towards trying to wear baggy clothing as they matured into young women physically, how little interest, almost utter discomfort, Vanya seemed to show towards stereotypical feminine things that even Willa developed an interest in as they grew up, and when Willa went to college and first learnt about transgender people and body dysmorphia, it all made sense, and this moment, right there in the grungy, peach coloured ladies restroom of Grindy's Diner, was what instantly flashed through her mind.

...

Hey, Ma

We're all growing up, I knew it was happening, only need to check out the mirror to see that I'm looking older than I did when I last saw you, but I guess tonight made me realise how true that is. I dunno, I guess...guess I always kind of expected you to be around when stuff like growing up happened. You know, like getting your period or your first crush (Which, isn't happening, before you freak out, but is just a thought!), you know, those girly-type stuff that mum's and daughters are supposed to share together. Today, I found myself having to do that sort of thing with Vanya, and I guess it just made me realise, again, just how strange growing up must be for the other kids.

I dunno where I'm trying to go with this right now, Ma, I guess it was just something that got into my head, but tonight it really hit me how much my life has changed. I'm here, in this yellow bedroom on the other side of the world from you, growing-up and doing all this other stuff, and you're not around to see it, and it makes me super upset to think about all the stuff you're not around to see. And I can only imagine you must be upset about that, too...or maybe not. Maybe you've forgotten all about me, maybe you've got a whole other life going on, just like I do, a life that I'm not part of anymore, and...and we're just two different people now. Maybe you don't even think about me, maybe you won't even care about all these journal entries I write to share with you one day.

Guess I never really thought about it like that before, dunno why tonight's so different, but here I am, unable to stop wondering about whether or not you even remember me, and the worst part about it is that I can't even check to see if I'm right or wrong. I hope I'm wrong, because I miss you and love you, and I want to be with you every day, but...do you feel the same?

Sunshine.

I hope I conveyed in Willa's writing to her mum the shift in her personal growth. She's changing, little Willa, she's definitely not the same little girl we first came across, she's hardened and grown-up, and grown just a little bit bitter, just a little more jaded, and I feel kind of awful to do that to her, because I feel like when I was first writing her she was such a hopeful, bright girl. But dealing with the trauma of what Reginald has done to her this past year and a half, being separated from her mother and witnessing how broken the other kids are, it's left its mark on Willa. Willa is a complex character in the future and this, right here, are the building blocks to why she is how she is in the future, why she reacts and response the way she does, why her morality and ethics are often warped by our standards, perhaps. Maybe that's why I love writing her so much.

I considered, briefly, having Victor come into the series far faster than it did on the show, but I decided to keep Vanya, mainly because I feel like it's important to share that story fully. Victor will definitely be hinted at and implied, very strongly throughout the series, however, we will not see him until the third season, as per the show, however, I felt like this point in their lives was a great moment to drawer attention to Vanya's struggle with her identity. Of course, they're only kids and they don't have the right language or understanding to fully grasp what's wrong, however, it would be remiss to Vanya/Victor to not include a reference to it, and I hope I handled it respectfully. This is a topic I haven't covered before in my writings and I've tried to research it to make it appropriate, however, I'd love to take on any suggestions or criticism, and if need be, would be completely open to altering this chapter, if anyone does find it upsetting or inappropriate.

Let me know what you thought, please review :)