Chapter Fourteen: Empress of Ruin

Zhu-Shu was falling. It had happened as they had entered the portal, and she had felt a twisting sensation, and then the sensation of falling. She had been disoriented in the dark as the feeling seemed to change directions randomly and her wings had proven useless against the seemingly endless fall as well. She had given up after a few minutes of useless flapping, and now simply let it take her where it would.

At least, she couldn't feel Shadow anymore. Or sense her twisted other self's depraved thoughts. The twisting ether of the portal seemed to have temporarily cut the conscious connection. But it had also blinded her to what Shadow was seeing, so she had no idea if Emeraude had hurt any of her loved ones.

Then the darkness was shattered by a massive explosion of light as a phoenix appeared in the distance, and she felt her direction of falling suddenly become purposeful as the explosion seemed to draw her in. For a second, she could feel all of her soul links dimly, letting her know that everyone was alive and that Emeraude was dead. Ukyo was running down a corridor towards the palace, Rei was unconscious, but unhurt, Yin-Ying was with Clove and Konatsu, still aboard the ship and feeling relived that Rei was okay, and…

And?

As she realized there was yet another connection, she felt like she hit a liquid surface, and plunged into the depths, the sensation of falling becoming a sensation of slowly sinking into liquid, the sense of presence of the unknown connection all around her. It was like someone she should have known intimately had caught her. The liquid feeling grew stronger even though she couldn't see or feel any, nor did she have any problem breathing. There was, however, a growing amount of light. As she sank deeper, it grew light enough for her to see what looked to be small shards of crystal all around her, floating motionless just out of reach.

Finally, her feet appeared to touch some surface, and ripples of light momentarily surrounded her like water waves, then faded quickly. Still, she couldn't see any surface, or any variation of the scene around her. Merely the shards of crystal glittering in the sourceless light.

And that sense of presence.

After looking around and seeing nothing, she tried to step forward. It was still like she was underwater, her step becoming a small bounce that ended in another ripple of light. As she landed, a flash of something in the nearest crystal caught her eye. She turned to look at it, and at first thought she was merely seeing a reflection, then her breath caught as she realized the face looking out at her might have been hers, but it was her appearance from when she was around nine or ten.

And, it was crying.

As she focused on the crystal, her ears even caught the faint sounds of sobs. She reached towards the crystal, and as her finger touched it, a flash of light occurred.

She suddenly found herself standing in an unfamiliar garden… except, it wasn't really unfamiliar. She knew she had never been in such a garden before, yet she knew she was in the most hidden and secluded spot, in a place where almost no-one would ever search, hidden as it was behind a wall of roses, and accessible only to someone small… like the girl before her, who was her mirror image when she had been younger.

She tried to reach out and stroke the girl's hair to comfort her as she was crying, but found her fingers simply passed through her, and discovered she was as transparent as a ghost. But the almost touch drove her to her knees, as the girl's emotional state hit her consciousness like a hammerblow.

Why was Xi'an Chi so displeased with me? Did he find my body that disgusting? I did everything I was taught to do, even though it hurt so much when he stuck his member in me. I acted as a proper wife should, didn't I? Why did he hit me? Did I do something wrong?

Zhu-Shu pulled her hand back as she gritted her teeth. But it didn't matter. She could still remember everything that had led to this moment. How much she had worshipped her older brother Xi'an Chi, how hard she had studied her lessons on how to be a wife, especially her duties to please him. She even remembered how happy she had been about him acknowledging her as his intended bride, how stupidly eager she had been to acquiesce to his demand to act like a proper wife and perform the acts she had been studying so diligently…

I am not Lin-Tzu! she shouted noiselessly. But the denial was meaningless. She could still feel the pain in her lower regions from losing her virginity as she had tried so desperately to please her brother, and prove her love for him. And the disgust he had shown afterwards at her having bled on him. Nor could she forget the confusion she had felt as he had called her an amateur and laughed at her as he told her that the maids could please him better. His laughter had echoed in her ears as she had fled to hide here in her favorite hideaway in the garden, shame and bewilderment over how she had displeased him hurting nearly as much as her aching loins.

And she also knew in just a moment…

"Hey, you okay?"

The girl in front of her started and turned to look at the source of the voice, which proved to be a mass of pink hair, with twigs in it from a passage under the roses. Crystal blue eyes in a face every bit as young as Lin-Tzu's looked in concern from under heavy bangs. Her face was just as pretty as the roses that had torn and snagged the heavy cloak she was wearing that showed she was a member of the palace medical staff.

"Oh, I didn't mean to scare you. A lady said she heard you crying, and asked me to check on you. I'm Ying-Ying. I'm the doctor's apprentice." She sniffed. "I can smell blood too. Are you hurt?"

Lin-Tzu blinked at her several times as she wiped at her eyes. "I- I…"

The girl smiled at her with a grin that almost seemed to light up the shadowy hideaway. "Hey, it's okay. You can trust me. I've already taken my oaths to the imperial family. I swear, I will never tell anyone anything you say to me as an apprentice doctor. I'm supposed to be the princess's personal physician when I'm fully trained after all. I gotta be trustworthy to serve her, right? You can talk to me about it." she said encouragingly, obviously unaware of who she was talking to.

Lin-Tzu sniffled. "You- you're my physician?"

The pink haired girl's eyes grew wide, and she rapidly crawled out from under the bushes to dust herself off quickly before bowing down. "Your majesty! My deepest apologies, I haven't even been allowed to see you yet, so I beg your forgiveness for not recognizing you."

Lin-Tzu used her sleeve as a handkerchief as she wiped her runny nose "No, no. You- you didn't offend me. Are- are you really my new physician?"

"Yes, your majesty." Ying-Ying blushed as she lifted her head a little to see Lin-Tzu's face. "At least, I will be in a year or two, when I become a journeyman. But seriously, your majesty, are you hurt? I not only smell blood, but there's some on your hem as well. I am fully qualified in basic first aid and it is my greatest honor to be allowed to attend to you in any manner you need."

Zhu-Shu pushed through the roses, unwilling to watch the memories continue playing. She already knew it would take Ying-Ying more than an hour to finally talk her younger self into trusting her enough to allow the apprentice physician to examine her injuries before being talked into going to see Ying-Ying's teacher. It was also the start of their friendship, and Lin's beginning to realize she had an existence as herself, and wasn't merely the "Imperial Princess" and the "Betrothed" of her brother, the "Heir to the throne."

Ying-Ying had been the first person to see her as a person, and not her titles. With her mother having died when she was not even a year old, and her Father far too occupied with his empire, she had been raised by servants who had always been reminding her of her duties as the "future wife" of the heir presumptive, and her place as the "Treasure of the Empire."

But to Ying-Ying, all she had ever been from that first meeting was her beloved friend, and later lover, Lin…

As she emerged on the other side of the bushes, she saw the koi pond between them and the path, which was part of why her old hideaway had been so secluded. She looked down at her reflection with a sigh, before blinking.

The person reflected in the water wasn't her. Instead, she was staring at the figure of a white haired young woman, with pale blue skin, and long pointed ears. The tears that had been trickling from her eyes dripped to strike the water, and the ripples spread, turning the entire world wavy as Zhu-Shu found herself once again in the strange sea of shards, the crystal she had been touching drifting away with a sparkle.

She looked around again, at the endless shards around her. How many were there? It seemed infinite. And what was their connection to this sense of presence all around her?

She looked at a second one closely, and saw Ying-Ying's young face again, though not quite so young as the previous one. Unable to resist her curiosity, she touched it.

"You're curious, aren't you?" Ying-Ying urged Lin-Tzu. "You were watching them with me. They looked like they were having a lot of fun."

Lin-Tzu blushed. "Well, yes. Certainly a lot more than I ever do when Xi'an Chi calls me into his bed."

Zhu-Shu looked around, noting that the two girls were in the bath. Whether she wanted to remember or not, she knew it was the bath in Lin's quarters, and that Ying-Ying had developed a habit of sneaking in, which usually resulted in all of Lin's maids giggling and disappearing.

Ying-Ying swam closer to Lin and settled into the bench next to her. "I was watching everything closely. I could make you just as happy. I saw how much you longed for what she was feeling."

Lin-Tzu blushed harder as her eyes roamed over the other girl's naked body. She bit her lip as her hips wiggled almost involuntarily. Ying-Ying smiled and leaned in closer. "I'm your physician. I take care of you every time he mistreats you. There is nothing that would make me happier than to serve you, my princess. Xi'an Chi takes his pleasure of you and gives you nothing in return. So why not let me give you all the pleasure you deserve?"

Zhu-Shu fled the room as Lin's hand rose to cup Ying-Ying's cheek. She remembered all too well the first time she'd made love to Ying-Ying. It had been just a few days after the two of them had caught a pair of maids having sex in a disused courtyard that Ying-Ying had found and brought Lin-Tzu to in a mischievous moment. They had both been unable to stop peeking from the dark balcony over the courtyard as the pair of maids spent almost an hour exploring each other.

As the sounds of passion rose from the bath, She looked around the room, rolling her eyes when she saw the maids had gathered in a gaggle and were spying on the bath through a cracked door. Well, it wasn't like Lin hadn't been aware of it in the back of her mind. She'd just never paid attention since it was the maids job to always be available at a seconds notice. And Lin had noticed that most of her maids had become very pretty girls of about her own age since she had begun realizing how much she was attracted to Ying-Ying. Obviously, the staff had recognized her sexual orientation long before Lin herself had. It would be another year or so before Lin would learn they and Ying-Ying had conspired together to set up that little adventure, and that her maids had been trained as diligently as Lin herself had been in the concubine's art. They had all worked very hard for the privilege of being her chambermaids in the hopes of being chosen to grace the princess's bed. To them, it was the highest honor they could achieve as a member of the palace staff.

Of course, the same was true for Xi'an Chi's maids too, but she couldn't remember any of them looking as pleased with themselves as the giggling girls spying on Lin did.

Zhu-Shu shook her head as she made her way to the mirror. Once again, the woman looking at her was that white haired girl with blue skin, and tears falling from her eyes. And as she noted that, the world shimmered again, leaving her once more in the sea of crystals.

Almost involuntarily, she reached for another close by.

"Go on!" Ying-Ying urged. "She's cute, and I like her too. If you invite her, we can both play with her."

"But, she's the ambassador's daughter." Lin protested with a blush.

"And you are the imperial princess. I'm just a physician. I can't ask her for myself, and you saw that look in her eyes. She almost couldn't contain herself."

Lin still hesitated. "I- I do find her desirable. But…"

"Oh, stop fretting about me, Lin honey. I am not at all jealous that you find another girl desirable. And if you want her, I will happily take an invitation to her. We're lucky that Xi'an Chi is assigned in a different province, or you know he would likely have already imposed himself on her, like he does any pretty girl he sees. She'll be honored to be chosen by the princess. I've already checked with a few of the maids and they say she's hinted about how she hopes you would invite her to your chambers for a 'personal' audience." Ying-Ying giggled. "Besides, we both know how much you like watching me playing with the maids. And I like watching you orgasm. It makes me happy to see you being pleasured."

Lin rolled her eyes. "It makes them happy too. I swear Ying-Ying, I sometimes think you all expect me to bed as many women as my brother does."

Ying-Ying giggled. "Trust me, the maids much prefer being called to your bed. Now go on and write her a letter. It'll be fun, I promise!"

Zhu-Shu had to smile as she stepped out of the bedroom where they had conspired. She had forgotten how bold Ying-Ying had been when they were teenagers. And the ambassador's daughter had been lots of fun for them both, every time she had visited the palace, until the day she had moved in permanently as her fifth wife. Xu-Fe had always been a treasure of good political advice. She'd also become Orihime's chief advisor.

She stopped, her heart hammering in her chest. Orihime. Oh Ukyo, I remember when you were Orihime. Oh gods, Ukyo. I don't want to remember being Lin-Tzu!

She fled into the dressing room and its mirror, once again seeing the white haired girl. Who is this I keep seeing myself as? she thought as the world wavered into the sea of crystals again.

A sea of memories she said to herself as she looked around. A collection of memory fragments, but they don't seem to be my memories, even though they are triggering those of Lin-Tzu. They are memories of someone about Lin-Tzu, but not Lin-Tzu's directly. Are they the memories of this presence I sense? Who is she?

She looked around and saw a slightly larger crystal, one that stood out because it was darker and less shiny than many others. She hesitated, her fingers just a fraction of an inch from it as she felt an aura of pain around the shard. Then she gritted her teeth and touched it.

She stood behind a screen as she looked at her other self being held by a pair of Xi'an Chi's mercenaries, as he held Ying-Ying dangling by the hair, her nightgown ripped off and hanging in his other hand.

"So, this is the bitch who testified against me to Father? And the rumors she is your lover are true?" He laughed cruelly. "You have a taste for pretty girls the equal of mine, sister."

"Let her go, Xi'an Chi!" Lin screamed. "Let her go or I will kill you!"

Xi'an Chi tossed the unconscious girl on the bed as he strode across to where Lin was being held and slapped her. "You're in no position to make demands, dear sister. You are my property, and I will do with you and your playtoys what I will."

Lin glared at him, blood trickling down her lip. "Not any longer. You are nothing now, Xi'an Chi. Father disinherited you. I am the Empress now. How you snuck past the Royal Guard, I don't know, but they will kill you."

"Your guards are dead, dear sister. All it took was a small bribe to the cook and a jar of poison. And by the time the local lord's guards even become aware that your guards are dead, we will be long gone with you." He chuckled. "Despite her bold words to you, that girl masquerading as their commander is not going to be able to protect you. And once you've completed your vows to me as your husband, I will resume my rightful place as emperor. And once I have my throne, I will take the High King's crown as well."

"Never!"

"Oh, but you will, dear sister. Because if you refuse, I'll leave your little playtoy dead in your bed, and bring her head along as a memento. Behave yourself, and I will let her live. I will even let you keep her as a playtoy. You can have all the women you want as my consort, so long as you remember your place as my property. You can sate your lusts on the entire rest of the harem. It will be entertaining."

Zhu-Shu found herself outside the tent on her knees, her hands clenched in impotent rage. But it was only partly her rage. Faintly, she could feel it was also the rage of the woman who's memories she was observing. The world wavered again, thankfully sparing her the replay of Xi'an Chi raping Ying-Ying to torment Lin before leaving her unconscious in the bed as he kidnapped her. Fortunately, the week she had spent as his sex slave was a complete blank, though she could remember having woken up in the ruins of the fortress, safe in Orihime's embrace.

She always rescued me. She will always rescue me. She has never once failed to save me, even when it cost her her life… that's why even now, I can't truly believe she will fail, no matter how much I know she is outmatched by Xi'an Chi.

The tears that fell mirrored those of the mysterious girl in the memories. Who is she? It's like she was invisibly watching me my entire life.

She forced herself to stand and wiped away the tears. She looked around the crystals, seeking the brightest one in her reach. With determination, she touched it.

She stood on a balcony overlooking the Imperial capital, her Regalia shimmering in the moonlight as she stared at the full moon high above. Behind her, the sounds of music floated out of the ballroom, but Lin had been too ashamed of herself to stay in the light. Ares hadn't come tonight either.

But as she stood in silence looking wistfully at the moon, she felt a warm presence behind her. It took up a place next to her and joined her in gazing.

"The Empress looks so lonely tonight." Ares said softly.

Lin nodded. "She feared she had chased you off with her foolishness."

Ares sighed. "She had, at first. But a kind soul came to me, and taught me how to swim."

Lin looked at her in puzzlement. Ares smiled.

"I was told about how your love is like a rushing mountain stream. So overwhelming in its intensity. Especially for a novice swimmer like myself." She turned to lean against the rail, the gauzy dress catching the light and glittering. She was so beautiful, Lin felt like if she breathed the vision would vanish like smoke.

Still, she now realized what Orihime had meant when she'd said she had been giving swimming lessons when Ying-Ying had asked her where she had been the other day. Lin's heart hammered in her chest as renewed hope made it hard to breathe. Was her lovely Phoenix forgiving her for her drunken idiocy?

Ares took a deep breath as she composed herself. "I am barely twenty, Lady Song. Until now, I thought I longed only for proving my worth as a Senshi. Love and romance is not something I spent that much time thinking about, other than some half-formed dreams of catching Jadite's eye, merely because he is Endymion's companion. Love is a mystery to me." She gently reached out her hand to cover Lin's. "You are an Empress, and a ruler of a nation allied with mine. I am merely a noble of the House of Mars, and a warrior charged with defending the Moon. Until you requested me to be the moon's ambassador, I was happy to ignore my titles as a princess and merely think of myself as a Senshi. But you have made me all too aware of both my title, and that I am a woman. You make me realize my duty as a princess to be a wise and just ruler, my duty as a Senshi to be an example and a defender, and my duty as a woman to love and be loved in return."

She turned fully, her lovely violet eyes looking down into Lin's as she took both of Lin's hands in hers. "I am sorry for my words, Lady Song. We were both a little too inebriated. I hurt you, and hurt myself as well. For that, you have my deepest apologies. For recompense, I offer myself, for now and forever. Please, take my heart as yours, my empress, as payment for the heart I so carelessly broke."

There were no words that Lin could find to express her happiness to accept… so she said it with a kiss.

Zhu-Shu wiped away the tears from her eyes as she stood in the shadows of the balcony. She slipped away down the corridor, around the ballroom, and out into the gardens. She didn't dare peer into the ballroom, absolutely certain she couldn't handle seeing all her former wives without collapsing from a rush of memories. It was bad enough that she had experienced that memory as Lin-Tzu, and only become aware of herself as a watcher during the kiss. Too many other memories had come along with it, and she knew seeing the others would probably make her remember it all.

OKAY! She cried at that lingering presence. I accept that I was once Lin-Tzu! Is that what you want? I acknowledge I was the Empress who brought my entire empire to ruin! I acknowledge I got everyone I loved killed! I admit I was a failure! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

The world around her wavered again, leaving her standing in the sea of crystals, but this time, there was a difference. Directly in front of her was a clearing, surrounding a huge door. And in front of the door was her other self.

Before you ask, I wasn't the one who brought you here. The platinum dragon said in her mind. In fact, I'm not sure where we are myself. I came with you after all.

Right. Whatever. So why are you here?

Do you really need to ask? I'm just as puzzled as you as to who's memories these are. We are the same person after all.

Fine. Okay, I admit I was Lin-Tzu, but why do I have to accept you?

Because our answers are behind this door, and I have the key?

Zhu-Shu closed her eyes and rubbed them. And why do you have the key?

I don't know that either. The dragoness sighed. I don't know anything you don't know, other than that you need me to open that door. It's just a feeling we have.

Zhu-Shu sighed as well. I don't want to become Shadow.

The dragoness looked skywards in exasperation. WE ARE NOT SHADOW. Dammit me, we are not the beast you are so afraid of becoming!

Then what are we?! How many people did we kill in that village? How many died believing I could save them as Lin-Tzu? How many corpses do I need to pile up before I become her?

WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT THAT I AM TRYING TO STOP US FROM BECOMING HER AGAIN!? the dragoness shouted in frustration.

WHAT? Zhu-Shu stared at her other self in shock.

She's not from your dragon side, Zhu-Shu. She's not from me. Silver tears fell from her platinum eyes as she pleaded with herself. I'm not a killer. You know that! Stop trying to make me the villain!

Zhu-Shu looked away. Yet even you admit she is part of us.

Yes. She's part of us. A part neither of us want to be again. A part driven by hate and vengeance and blind fury. But we both know she's a part of our past, even if we can't remember.

I don't want to remember Zhu-Shu admitted. I don't want to know why Lin-Tzu went insane.

I don't either, me. But it wasn't because of us being a dragon.

How do you know that?

Because I have one memory that you do not. The dragoness held out her taloned hand. I have a memory of our becoming, I remember the day we became the Dragon's Child.

Zhu-Shu closed her eyes. And to access that memory means I will have to accept you, doesn't it. To accept that I am not human, but something else.

We are something else, self. We are both. We are human, and we are dragon. A yin and a yang, together making a Unity. So long as you refuse to accept me, we cannot be complete.

And if I take your hand, what will we become?

I don't know. All I can say is we will finally be whole. Where we go from there is up to us I suppose. I don't even know if becoming whole will help Ukyo, all I know is that I think we will die soon if we don't. It's merely a premonition, and I am as terrified as you are. But you are me, and I am you, and we cannot continue apart. We can't keep running away.

And will we find answers behind that door?

I don't know any more than you. We were brought here for a purpose, and we can both sense we are connected to the presence we feel. But she's just as much of a mystery to me, even though we feel like she's always been there in the back of our mind.

Always watching, but never seen. Like Ying-Ying did for so long.

Yes.

Zhu-Shu stepped to the outstretched talons. She reached towards it hesitantly, pausing just before she touched it. Then she shrugged. If I am mad, so be it. I just want to finally know the truth.

So do I, my other self.

As they touched, she found herself sitting in a high window, looking out over the gardens. Ying-Ying slept in the bed behind her, or she would be fussing at her for being so casual about risking a fall from such a height.

Except she was in no danger. She giggled as she leaned out over the drop, her wings fluttering as she contemplated going for one last flight.

I THINK YOU HAVE ENJOYED MY PRESENCE MORE THAN EITHER OF US EXPECTED, LIN-TZU.

"Forgive me, Legend. It's an unexpected pleasure to be able to fly on my own wings."

THERE IS NO NEED TO ASK FORGIVNESS, CHILD OF MER-LIN. I FIND IT AMUSING THAT YOU TAKE SO MUCH DELIGHT IN SUCH A SMALL THING.

Lin shrugged. "Humans don't take such things for granted."

YES. YOUR… LIMITS… ARE AS STRANGE TO MYSELF. IT HAS BEEN A NOVEL EXPERIENCE. YOUR… EMOTIONS… ARE SO ILLOGICAL. YET I FIND THEM ABSURDLY COMPELLING AS WELL.

"So have you reached your conclusion yet? Will you help me save my people from their doom?"

Legend sighed. I CANNOT GRANT YOU WHAT YOU THINK YOU DESIRE, LIN-TZU. I CAN NOT GIVE YOU ABSOLUTE ASSURANCE THAT THE FUTURE CAN BE CHANGED. THERE ARE MANY FORCES YOU ARE UNAWARE OF PULLING THE STRINGS OF FATE. I HAVE NO POWER TO SEE THE FUTURE, LITTLE ONE. I AM SIMPLY AWARE OF ALL THAT OCCURS IN THE FOREVER NOW OF THE MULTIVERSES. THE TAPESTRY OF FATE YGGDRASIL WEAVES IS NOT IN YOUR FAVOR.

Lin closed her eyes and sighed. "I know, Legend. All my scryers can see is a coming doom. The most gifted of them merely said 'Metallia is coming' before he took his own life in despair. Another has predicted that darkness will overcome me." She turned to lean back against the window frame. "Nor will the All-Father intercede. We powerless 'mortals' are on our own." She laughed bitterly. "I have even heard that some of the other kingdoms have started referring to me as the Empress of Ruin. They snicker behind my back at me making Ying-Ying my consort, and dismiss the warnings I try to give. Queen Beryl's faction has enamored them all."

I CANNOT GIVE YOU THE POWER TO OVERCOME THOSE WHO SEEK YOUR FALL, LIN-TZU. IT IS NOT WITHIN MY DESIGNATED FUNCTION. I AM THE AVATAR OF UNITY, NOT A GOD. MY DUTY IS TO BE THE TIE THAT CONNECTS ALL THINGS. I CANNOT KILL.

Lin sighed again. "My grandfather's journals said as much. He claimed you did nothing but maintain the balance, that all he did as your agent was meant to restore the balance that had been disrupted by the Chaos Lords. But is not this doom itself a disruption of the balance?"

FOR ALL THINGS THERE IS A PRICE, LIN-TZU. I DO NOT EXPECT YOU FIND THIS COMFORTING, BUT EVERYTHING YOU STRIVE TO AVOID IS A CONSEQUENCE OF RESTORING THE BALANCE THAT WAS DISRUPTED.

Lin's head hung down. "Is there no hope then?"

THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE, ZHU-SHU.

Zhu-Shu's head snapped up, realizing that the memory had faded and she was sitting alone again in the clearing before the door. She blinked in shock as the voice spoke again.

THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE, LITTLE MOUSE. I COULD NOT TELL YOU THEN WHY I COULD NOT SAVE YOU. I COULD NOT SAVE LIN-TZU, THOUGH I LOVED YOU THEN AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU NOW, MY CHILD. THE EVENTS OF THE PAST COULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ANY BUT THOSE THAT OCCURRED. FOR THAT, I AM SORRY. BUT THAT WAS THE PRICE THAT HAD TO BE PAID FOR HOPE.

She stood, realizing as she did that beyond the doorway another dragon could be seen. One so vast her mind had trouble comprehending his size. She blinked as she stared into those golden eyes she had seen so often on her back in a mirror.

Finally, she found her tongue. "H- h- h- hope?"

YES. THE HOPE TO CHANGE A FUTURE YET TO BE. I MADE YOU MY CHILD TO GIVE YOU HOPE.

"W- What do you mean?"

THAT IS NOT MY STORY TO TELL, ZHU-SHU. YOU WILL HAVE TO ASK THE FORGOTTEN ONE.

She blinked. "The- the forgotten one?"

The Dragon was gone. She looked around, but the endless sea of fragments was all she saw.

Then her head exploded as memories came to her in a flood. She lurched and fell to her hands and knees as her life as Lin-Tzu assaulted her. Years of happiness, years of frustration, years of struggling to prevent a war that grew ever more inevitable.

And memories of love, and laughter, the faces of her former wives, the memories of their first times, and their marriages. Memories of how they had always been there, helping her continue to hope.

But there were parts missing. Black spots on the tapestry of her former life that erased whole segments. Starting somewhere in her teens, parts of her life just went missing. Then, on the day the palace fell, everything vanished. In confusion, she tried to stare harder, to see what was still hidden, and suddenly found herself yanked backwards by her hair.

"Those memories are mine. You are not welcome to them. Not yet."

Shadow gave her a malicious smile. No, not Shadow. It was undoubtedly her own face, but Shadow's was a charcoal grey, while this version of her had skin as black as obsidian, and eyes like dark voids of night. She gave a snort as she released Zhu-Shu's hair, and let her fall again.

She glided in front of Zhu-Shu, something about her movement so seductive that Zhu-Shu involuntarily had to swallow. "W- w- w- w- who are you?" she managed to ask

"Darkness. The unwanted one. I have been waiting so very long for you to finally acknowledge that you were Lin-Tzu." She chuckled, the laughter tinged with madness.

Realization hit. "You're who Shadow is based on. My insane past self." Zhu-Shu whispered.

The midnight black girl giggled, the sound skittering like a spider across Zhu-Shu's nerves. "Insane? By who's definition?" Darkness stepped forward and pulled Zhu-Shu to her feet. As she did, she pulled her close and stroked her cheek. "Yet you are my creator. Doesn't that make you wonder about your own sanity?"

Zhu-Shu swallowed again. "What do you want?"

The hand on her cheek slipped behind her head and ebony lips met hers as she found her mouth invaded by the other girl's tongue. She pulled back as the dark girl giggled, then turned and began to sashay away. "What did the silver one want? We want to be whole, Zhu-Shu. But you're not strong enough yet." She leaned down in the center of the clearing and picked up something. She looked at it and giggled again. "So, that's who she is. This should be amusing." She tossed the object to Zhu-Shu, who discovered it was a key. She looked back up as Darkness walked past the door.

The other girl waved over her shoulder. "Stop worrying so much about Xi'an Chi. Just give him what he wants…"

Then with a last fading laugh, she was gone.

Zhu-Shu shuddered. She looked down at the key in her hand, then up at the door.

Did we come this far, to turn back now? Her dragon self whispered in her mind. I'm scared too. But as our father said, there is always hope.

The key was heavy, it's head shaped like a Fleur-de-lis. The door before her was also marked by one, flanked by two jagged bolts like lightning.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself, then stepped up to the door. The key fit with a click. She closed her eyes for a long second before she turned the lock, and opened her eyes as she pushed open the door.

She stood in the dojo at the Tendo's, dressed in her dance silks before Ukyo. But unlike before, a ghostly figure of the white haired girl stood behind her, in a golden version of the same silks. As the music started, she watched as the other girl matched her step for step.

And something inside her heart shattered. She knew her now, even though she had appeared with black hair and brown skin. She had changed her appearance, but she couldn't change the way she moved…

"Sarhia…" she whispered.

She watched herself dance with the memory of the girl who had taught her that dance, and found herself closing her eyes as the other girls six arm's twined around her. "You made me forget…"

The dance finished, and she stood within Sarhia's embrace for a long moment before the vision wavered and she stood once more in the sea of shards.

"YOU MADE ME FORGET THAT I LOVED YOU!" she screamed to the empty sky.

"Yes."

Zhu-Shu whirled towards the voice. Not far away, a girl of her same age sat, Long white hair done in braids was visible as a pair of her hands played with them, while the other four clutched her stomach as she rocked back and forth silently, not turning to look at the dragon girl. "I had to. You couldn't know about me then."

"These- these are your memories!"

"Yes."

"How? How can you have been watching me as Lin-Tzu?"

"Because I waited over a thousand years just for Lin-Tzu to be born. And I have spent a thousand years since then watching over you through five different reincarnations. I've always been by your side. Watching you, but unable to touch you, or affect anything in physical reality. The only way I could even come to you in Beijing was through an avatar, and my brother had strict rules on what I was allowed to do. Erasing your memories of who I really am was one of them."

"What- what are you then?"

Sad eyes finally turned towards her. "You know who I am Zhu-chan. Sarhia the Dancer. A powerless ghost who has nothing but regrets, and a single forlorn hope of redemption."

Zhu-Shu walked over to her and sat on her knees in front of her. "You know that is not what I meant, Sarhia. What are you that you feel like you need redemption. What are you to have lived two thousand years, to have been with me for so many lifetimes."

Sarhia shook her head, then started as her earrings chimed. She blinked as she reached up to feel her ears. She blinked several more times as disbelief came to her face. "Brother, what have you done?"

"Sarhia?" Zhu-Shu asked her earnestly. "Please, answer me."

Sarhia's hand went to the waist of her pants, and she took out a card that she seemed surprised to find. She lifted it to read it before sighing. "Oh Onii-chan."

"Sarhia?"

Sarhia handed the card to Zhu-Shu silently. She took it and raised an eyebrow. "Sarhia Borsdottir, Goddess, First Class, Unlimited. Goddess of Lilies and Lily matchmaker."

Sarhia gave her a sidelong glance and a sour smile. "Read that second Yuri as lesbian matchmaker, Zhu-Chan. I am gonna kick him."

"Who?"

My brother, of course."

"You're a goddess? Like Urd and Belldandy?"

"Apparently I am now. A matchmaking love goddess. My brother has a sense of humor."

"Then what were you before."

Sarhia sighed. "I've been a goddess for a long, long time, Zhu-Chan. It's just most people called me different names, and my portfolio was almost the exact opposite of love." She rubbed her eyes. "I mean, look at me. I'm blue, I have six arms, and I taught you a dance named for me. Really Zhu-chan, who do you think I am?"

"You can't be claiming to be Shiva, the destroyer of worlds."

Sarhia spread all six hands and waved at herself. "Ta-da."

Zhu-Shu closed her eyes and shook her head. "I won't believe that, Sarhia."

"Unfortunately, it's true. Two thousand years ago, I was a very, very wicked girl. I came within a hairs breadth of making humanity extinct. I truly tried to destroy the entire world."

"I won't believe it. I won't. Dammit Sarhia. Why did you make me forget you! I've spent most of a year believing you were nothing more than a casual affair! Why did you make me forget how complete you made me feel!"

Sarhia looked down at her lap. "Would you have been able to let me go and continue your quest if I hadn't?"

"FUCK MY QUEST!" Zhu-Shu slammed her fists against the ground. "Why is everyone so obsessed with me finding someone to give me a baby! WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT ABOUT ME HAVING A CHILD! Why do I have to suffer so much? Why is everyone so ridiculously eager to put themselves in danger just to ensure I reproduce?!" She put her nails against her stomach. "It makes me want to rip out my womb and put an end to everything!"

"It's never been about you having a child, Zhu-Shu."

Zhu-Shu blinked. "What?!"

Sarhia sighed. "It has never, ever, been about you having a child. Your quest has always been about you finding Ukyo, and Rei, and Konatsu, and Ying-Ying, and apparently… even Clove. Your having a child is just a pretext." She raised her eyes to Zhu-Shu's. "You had to meet them, or I wouldn't be sitting here in front of you right now." She pointed to the card Zhu-Shu had dropped beside her. "That exists because something has happened this time that has never once happened before. I had to make you forget, because you were never supposed to remember me, because I was never a part of your life, only an unseen observer. Always watching, but forbidden to touch." She reached out to cup Zhu-Shu's cheek. "But somehow, the key has finally been found. My final chain has been unlocked. For the first time in a hundred, hundred thousand lifetimes, you freed me."

"Freed you?"

"I have spent two thousand years in penance for my sins, Zhu-Shu. Because whether you choose to believe me or not, I truly was a destroyer of worlds. I chose to serve Chaos of my own will because I sought vengeance for having been born a slave and suffered greatly at the hands of my masters. I was a Jotun, one of a race of created beings intended to be the perfect servant. A race of near gods, created by reckless wizards drunk on power. And when I gave myself to Chaos, I became a god. A god of death and suffering. One so terrible a thousand legends of the evil goddess still remain, and the Dancer Sarhia was forgotten."

"Then what changed? Because the Sarhia I know is none of those things." She reached out to grasp one of Sarhia's sets of hands. "I know the woman whose mind touched mine that night. And all I saw was love and kindness."

"You."

"Huh?"

"You changed me. You. Song Zhu-Shu. Not Lin-Tzu, or any of your other incarnations, but you. The day you danced for Ukyo, the first time you danced the Veils for real, you changed me."

Zhu-Shu blinked. "How?"

Sarhia smiled as she held up a perfectly symmetrical crystal that hovered above her hand and spun slowly. "Urd's older self brought me a recording from the future. She gave me a copy of Ukyo's memories of watching you dance. Everything I have done for the last two thousand years has been for the forlorn hope of finally redeeming myself and you setting me free."

"You- you have spent two thousand years waiting… for me?"

"Yes. All for the hope that you would save me, so that I in turn, could try to help save you."

Zhu-Shu sighed. "I am hardly worth saving, Sarhia. All I do is place those I love in danger. Even if you are a goddess, what could you do to stand against Xi'an Chi? He is far more powerful than Urd or Belldandy appear to be. And he seeks to become the Supreme God of the universe."

"He's powerful, yes. For a human. Compared to Hild or my brother, he's nothing. He's more powerful than my nieces only because they are sealed and he is not. And based on what I can gather from Jormungandr's reports, I think I know what he's attempting. And if it's what I think it is, then it all depends on you."

"How? I am not even in control of my own body! Shadow is all too eager to do his bidding."

"Shadow isn't you, Zhu-Shu. She's just based on that part of you you fear most. The part that makes you fight so hard to forget you were ever Lin-Tzu. The part you have spent four lifetimes running from." Sarhia sighed. "The part of you that is so much like me…"

Zhu-Shu was silent for a long moment. "You- you mean Darkness, don't you?"

Sarhia's eyes met hers in surprise. "You know about her?"

Zhu-Shu nodded. "I met her just a few moments ago. Who is she?"

Sarhia grimaced. "She's you. The you created by Xi'an Chi's cruelty, and your hatred of him. The you that is broken, just like Shiva was the broken me. I would give almost anything to have been able to shield you from your brother, but I couldn't. Darkness is just one more consequence of the price I have paid to defy fate."

"Then what is Shadow?"

"Another failed experiment by Xi'an Chi. Another Mu, linked to you by the Shikon jewel and a Chaos crystal.

"She's- she's not animating my body?"

Sarhia shook her head. "It's too long of a story to go into all the details now. I've been trying my best to help the others, and little Mu-san"

"You mean that copy of me Xi'an Chi left them as a trap?"

"She's not really a copy. She's a sweet and innocent girl who has a clockwork brain and an enormous heart. She's only biological on the outside. Shadow is something similar, a construct, who he is using to torment the others by making them believe she is you. Anyway, before I sent Jormungandr to help Mu repair the ship, I was watching both sides of the portal. I think Xi'an Chi is trying to build something very much like a God Engine, which means you, the real you, has to be connected into the machine somewhere."

"A God Engine?"

"Yes. It's an artificial RIM spirit. A machine that would enable him to manipulate reality like I could with Jormungandr, and like Odin can do with Yggdrasil. But he's only got Silver Millennium era technology to work with. He doesn't have the necessary components to make a true God Engine. That's why he kidnapped you. He needs you to be the heart of his engine. That's why he's been trying to make you believe Shadow is really you too. He wants you to believe you have no chance to resist him."

"But I do?"

Sarhia bit her lip. "Well, you do."

"But?"

Sarhia sighed. "He's trying to force Darkness to the surface. That's why he's trying so hard to torment and kill the others. He wants to drive you into becoming Darkness again."

Zhu-Shu looked down at her hands. "And if I do, would I willingly do as he desires?"

"I don't know. She's unpredictable. But she can be even crueler and more malicious than Xi'an Chi is. She might use it to become a god herself, like she almost did…."

Sarhia broke off, her face turning pale.

"What?" Zhu-Shu asked sharply.

"I-it's…"

"Don't try to hide it from me, Sarhia. I am sick to death of people hiding things from me because they are afraid they might say too much."

Sarhia shook her head. "I don't want to tell you because I don't want you to hate me, Zhu-chan."

Zhu-Shu sighed. "It was when the palace fell, wasn't it? The day Darkness took Lin-Tzu over for good."

"Yes." Sarhia answered in a small voice.

"How many people did I kill?"

"Zhu-chan, please-"

"HOW MANY?"

Tears dripped from Sarhia's eyes. "Ten million or so."

"Ten million?"

"Yes. In your despair and rage, you annihilated all of Xi'an Chi's army and half of your own. The explosion of your power turned the Mongolian plains into the Gobi desert. If- if you hadn't been stopped, if Metallia had possessed you instead of Beryl, you could have destroyed the whole world."

"How did you stop me?"

"Please, Zhu-Shu, don't ask me that." Her voice was pained.

"Tell me, Sarhia."

"Gungnir." It was almost a whisper.

"I see." Zhu-Shu nodded. "So Odin did finally intervene."

"It… it wasn't my brother. It was… me."

Laughter broke out over the deafening silence as Darkness poked her head over Zhu-Shu's shoulder and spoke softly in her ear. "See? Didn't I tell you this would be entertaining? We're in love with our own executioner!"


Authors Notes: Been doing a full story re-read, up-date, and minor fixes here and there. Will be doing a full reupload of all five books in a week or so, just giving a heads up. And thank you to all who've pointed out errors in Mandarin and Japanese language usage. Those have been addressed in the update.