By the time the meeting is called to a close, Pete wants nothing more than to hit somebody. He has never been a violent person, but for some reason being in this place, talking about the man who died so he could live, makes him so indescribably angry at the Capitol that he could scream. Why can't he and his friends just be left alone? He never wanted this.
It's probably this anger that makes him stand up as the crowd disperses and make his way over to Jane. Steph is at his elbow the whole time, but he can't even look at her, knowing that if he sees her concerned frown then he will soften and this fire might falter.
"Hey." He calls out when Dr Perkins comes into view. She has two members of the District 13 security staff by her side. They both stand to attention until she waves them off.
"Mr Spankoffski." She nods pleasantly with a demeanour that makes him feel like he is causing a fuss and she is humouring.
"Nice speech. Are you going to match those words with actions anytime soon?" He was going for the confidence he used to see his brother talking to the press in District 3 with, but he hits the intonation wrong and it comes out as more of a challenge than he had intended.
"I see my propos are working already." She smiles serenely.
"What does that mean?" He frowns.
"Its what we're calling the videos. Short for 'propaganda'. I'm not dumb, I know that's what it is. There's more, not just Paul's." Emma has drawn close to her sister's side, and they stand shoulder to shoulder in front of him.
"And clearly, this one in particular has made you want to fight." Jane points out.
She isn't wrong, and Pete starts at how she seems to have read him so easily. "You didn't answer my question."
"If you must know, we are organising action in District 9 this week." She says. "I can't give you details, of course, but we're hoping the propos will act as a distraction whilst we meet with rebels there."
"Who's going? 13's soldiers?" They've been here long enough to see glimpses of the army that District 13 has been building up over the years.
"And a few volunteers from the other districts."
Steph bristles. "You mean 3. We're the only ones here, except from the other tributes and their families."
"I do. District 3 is turning out to be a cornerstone of our force." Jane grins, and Pete wonders if he should be feeling proud.
"I want to go with them." He says, and by the look Steph gives him she is just as surprised by the words as he is.
Jane doesn't even think about the answer. "I doubt that would be possible." She shakes her head.
"Why not?"
"You're still a kid, Pete." Emma intervenes gently, but he scowls at her.
"We both know that's not quite right anymore." He says coldly. "I'm a tribute. It means I don't count."
Emma's mouth tightens into a line, but Jane interrupts before she can speak again. "You haven't even finished training, Peter. And you and your friends, well, you've been through enough already. Let us handle things for a while."
"Don't patronise us." Steph scoffs. "How many people have you killed, Dr Perkins?"
There is a pause in which Jane seems to consider this. "We would have to accelerate your training. You'd need to have the expertise that all District 13 soldiers have."
Emma turns to her sister. "You're not considering this." She gapes. "The whole point of this was to save these kids."
"The point of this," Jane says frostily. "Is to stop the Games. The tributes can be a part of that process if they really must."
"I told you, they're not tributes anymore." Her sister frowns.
"It doesn't matter what we are." Pete cuts in. Emma is usually on his side, but he appreciates the effort to protect them, even misguided as it is. "I want to help."
Steph nods in agreement. "You can't deny it'd look good for your campaign."
Jane looks the pair of them over, eyes narrowed slightly in a way that makes Steph's skin crawl. Emma looks about ready to kick off when her sister finally speaks again.
"I'll speak to Tom about getting you fast tracked."
"Jane!" Emma says sharply.
"Quiet, Emma." Jane turns, face like thunder, to call for one of the District 13 officials. Its crazy, Emma thinks suddenly, how her sister is suddenly in charge here, having been here a matter of weeks yet with more authority now than people who've lived and worked here their whole lives. "We're done here." Jane tells the kids. "I'll be in touch when I hear from Tom about training. If you get through it, then we'll talk."
And she walks away, leaping straight into conversation with an older man wearing dark tinted glasses as she goes. Emma gives them one last disapproving look before she scurries after them.
Pete has a hunch that its not going to be the last they hear from the younger Perkins about this.
...
Later, Steph sits on the floor of his bedroom whilst he paces and rants about something Ted has done.
"Is that what today was about? Proving something to your brother?" Steph wonders aloud.
Pete stops his pacing. "No, it wasn't. I want to fight, because Paul died for me and so far I've done nothing to make that sacrifice mean anything, Steph."
"That's not true."
"I let Daniel die. I let Richie and Ruth die and if something happened now, Steph, what use would I be? I don't think I'd be able to save Hannah, or Ted, or- you." He falters at the last word, looking away and pressing his lips together.
"Don't say that. You were ready to sacrifice yourself for me before. In the Arena." They haven't talked about it, how he'd been ready to die before she had told him the plan to get all of them out alive.
"Yeah, all I could offer you was to die in your place." There is no humour in his laugh. "Who am I kidding. I can't protect you. Not in the way that Paul could, or hell even Grace Chastity."
"I don't want a bodyguard, Pete. You're kind, and gentle. You aren't like them but that's what I like about you, don't you understand?"
"I'm weak." He sits down on the bed with a sigh.
"You're strong." Steph moves slowly to sit on the bed next to him. "You didn't let them change you." She whispers, turning his head towards her carefully with one hand so she can see his face. "If I told you that I'd feel the same way about you whether you fought in this war or not, would you still want to fight?"
"Yes." He murmurs.
Steph can't help a slight smile at that. "I guess I can't stop you then, huh?"
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be." She shrugs. "I'm gonna be fighting with you."
Before he can express the sentiment of complete surprise and bittersweet joy at having a loyal friend to watch his back, a buzzer rings out to signify lunch hour. They pull away from one another, and he stands up from the bed.
"We should, uh, go." He rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Yeah." Steph laughs. "Ok, come on, ya nerd."
"I'm coming." He rolls his eyes affectionately. They hold hands all the way to the dining hall.
...
Jane is nowhere to be seen in the dining hall that day, at least not when Pete, Steph, Grace and Hannah take their seats. They find their normal table unoccupied and gather round, Steph updating Grace on their plan. When Hannah pipes up that she could start coming with them to training, they unanimously shut her down.
"I know we've been working on confidence, Hannah, but that is a ridiculous idea." Grace snorts.
"I'm not letting you do that." Pete shakes his head.
"You don't let me do anything." The girl pouts. "Why do you get a say anyway? Webby says you're making bad choices too."
"Hannah, Webby... does she talk to you a lot?" Steph is glaring daggers at the others so they back off, Grace with a shrug and Pete with a sigh.
"Only when I need her. She helps me. Stop looking at me." Hannah's shoulders are up to her ears, head down. Steph tries to school her expression into something less incredulous.
"We're just saying, Hannah, that maybe Webby is a... sign, that you've been through enough. That you should stay here and be safe for a while until you start feeling better." She reaches her hand across the table but Hannah pulls away.
"You have people to save. I have people too. People and things and emotions all in my head, and I'm trying to fix it!" She shrieks the last two words and shoves her plate off the table. It lands with a clatter and people at tables around them stop their conversations or look away from the District 13 news reports playing on the screens around the room to stare.
"Mind your own!" Grace barks at an older man across the room who has stood from his seat. He slowly sinks back down into it. She turns to Hannah instead. "You're ok." She hushes, climbing off the bench to follow the girl as she scrambles underneath the table.
"Its too loud." She cries softly, rocking with her arms wrapped around her knees.
Steph slips around to Hannah's other side and puts a hand on her arm. "We've got your back, Han. Deep breath."
She drags one in with a shudder. "I want to save Lexie."
"Listen, if Lex is out there, I'll go and get her myself, ok?" Grace is surprised by the sincerity in her own voice. Lex Foster is dead; she mustn't make promises she can't keep.
"Can't breathe."
"Keep trying, I've got you. Deep breaths, remember?" They hold her there, under the table in the canteen, for several minutes. Pete chases away any spectators and eventually things in the canteen settle back down.
"I'm sorry." Hannah murmurs, wiping at her face. These panic attacks have been getting more and more common lately, but what that also means is that they've all been learning how to deal with them better.
"Don't be. I'd be lying through my teeth if I told you I haven't freaked out since..." Steph doesn't finish her sentence; doesn't have to, in present company.
"Thanks." Hannah leans her head against Grace's shoulder, and Steph takes her hand. The girls listen to Pete, voice low and talking to someone with purpose. The voices grow louder and Steph recognises one of them as Emma's.
"-just don't want to see you becoming a killer." She is saying, tone exasperated and tired.
"I'm a tribute, right? That's what your sister always says. I should be a killer, or I should be dead." Pete sounds more bitter than Steph has ever heard him, and she longs to take his hand in hers; but Hannah still needs her reassurance, so she stays put.
"My sister has some radical views that I do not share." Emma explains delicately.
"You're really getting into this politician stuff now aren't you?"
"Because I'm not a soldier, Pete. This is how I help our cause. Not signing up for some glorified sacrifice."
Hannah shifts between them to lean backwards, away from the arguing; Grace does move then, clambering out from under the table to join the debate.
"You guys are scaring Hannah." She hisses, and Emma, to her credit, doesn't ask questions about what the three of them were doing in their hiding spot.
"I'm sorry." She sighs instead. "Pete, I care about you, ok? Is that what you want to hear? And what do you think your brother is going to say about all this? You have people who need you."
Steph guides Hannah back onto the bench and leans over her to try and catch Pete's attention but he isn't listening, ranting to Emma now with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.
"And I have things that I need. Why does nobody care what I want in all this? I didn't ask to be part of this rebellion, I didn't ask to be rescued, I didn't ask to live!"
There is a deafening silence, then, in which Steph notices that everyone in the room is watching them again. And then, the low murmur of the news reports on the canteen screens give way to harsh static, and Emma breaks her eye contact with Pete to frown at it. Pete looks away too, and suddenly everyone's attention is on the static. Things don't break in District 13. They just don't.
So it makes horrible, terrible sense when the static gives way to an image. Steph almost doesn't recognise the person in frame, pale and gaunt and breathing carefully like he is in pain. The pieces don't fully come together for her until she hears sharp inhale, and Emma says aloud: "Oh my god."
The person on the screen is Paul, and at the time of this recording at least, he is very much alive.
