Josh thought he meant something to her. Anything at all. They'd known each other for years, yet she couldn't have strayed further away from her original appearance.
Mildred was still a girl who would do anything for a sliver of popularity, but she was his girl.
Until she wasn't.
When raven-black hair transformed into a bleached blonde that shone in the sunlight, she started to care more about her looks than boys. Especially Josh.
He felt like he hardly knew her, despite knowing her for aeons.
She'd always been this way though so it was bound to happen eventually. Chasing after the limelight more than her own dreams; she didn't have any in the first place. It was always to do with fame, never with him. It always is.
He could've fallen in love with Mildred, but she's long gone now. Blaineley will never be her again. She doesn't get it, and insists that she's better off this way, something to do with the public eye. Surely he's all the validation she needs?
He's not - he never is. She's better off this way, they tell him, prettier even. What a load of bullshit; she's always pretty.
It didn't surprise him when she left the first time. Had to broaden her horizons, can't be stuck with the same man forever. He wishes she could.
Why wasn't he expecting it to happen again? This was just a temporary gig, for a host with a psyche as delicate and slender as a swan swimming on the surface of a lake she could get accepted almost anywhere.
Their show had ended, yet the real one was just beginning.
—
Josh swung open her dressing room door reluctantly, it squeaked as he did so. Blaineley didn't look up, focusing on her reflection as she applied eyeliner with practised ease.
"I'm leaving tomorrow. I've told you that, haven't I?" No, she hadn't. He wasn't expecting that to be the start of their conversation and froze in the doorway, looking at her in bewilderment.
"Tomorrow?!" His mouth gaped like a fish out of water. "Wait- where are you going?"
The fake-blonde groaned audibly, as if it should be obvious. "Total drama. The hostess of the aftermath was cast in the new season, remember? Bridgette, or whatever her name is. Can't host without her- they said if I'd boost their ratings I'd get paid a hefty amount…"
She trailed off, putting her eyeliner down to fantasise about the adoration she'd get from hosting the show. What a diva.
Josh shifted uncomfortably as he processed what had been said. Honestly, he should've seen this coming, you can't be expected to work at the same place forever. Even so, he couldn't imagine her anywhere else, or with anyone else.
Of course they chose her; she was beautiful. That's all anyone cared about- her looks- not who she was as a person. If they couldn't see her talent nor ambition for the hosting business, what did they really hire her for? She was just another pretty face like Bridgette. Both of them were so much more than that.
He couldn't just stand there and act like he was fine with this. With one tentative step forward, he approached her, his gaze fixed on hers.
Blaineley kept a close eye on his movements until he leaned against the desk where she was applying her make-up, towering over her.
"What. There's nothing else I can say, Josh." She gave him a death glare, suggesting he should leave.
He didn't, instead retorting, "You're just going to leave after one of our most successful shows?! Is money really the only thing you get from this?"
She turned to face him fully, her expression changing to one of incredulity. "Obviously? Did you think showbiz was sentimental for me? Oh, don't make me laugh."
"So, did this mean nothing to you? He asked, his face dropping. "Did I mean anything to you?" The answer was obvious; why would he be relevant in her life? Yet there was a part of him that couldn't let her go. He'd seen her at her lowest, whereas she wouldn't dare to be caught in public with him.
Was it worth it to keep chasing after her?
When he asked that, something clicked in her brain. "Are you implying that you should? Well then, I guess you were fine to co-host with, but other than that, not really. It's the same for everyone. This was just a side-gig I'm afraid." She relishes in how his frame stiffens, "Just something I could gain popularity from."
Before he can respond, she asks "I'm guessing I meant more to you then?"
Josh can't bear to look at her as he freezes up, noticing the sly expression resting on her face. She would be out of his life after today, as if she had never been in it at all. It was better to tell her now then never get to again.
"You don't know the half of it. You mean everything to me."
"I fell in love with you, Blains." He confesses, placing his hands in front of his chest. As her eyes widen in realisation, he can't help but feel like she already knew.
"Do you still feel that way now?" She raises an eyebrow at him; he's always been easy to figure out.
When he looks at the woman before him, he can see traces of the girl he once loved. She hadn't changed much personality-wise, but she didn't look like who he had fallen in love with. Fame had changed her in the worst way. It did that to everyone.
"I'm not sure." He admits sheepishly. Sure, he yearned to be with her, but she was unrecognisable now. Did he ever love her, or was he craving the feeling of being loved?
Blaineley nods and gets up swiftly, preparing to leave.
"I think I could have loved you." She muses on the idea, examining it over in her mind as if it were a valuable object. "If I wasn't so preoccupied with being famous and all; I couldn't be seen with a loser like you. Can you imagine what the tabloids would say?"
Josh knows she's right; if they ever got together, he'd only damage her reputation. Maybe it's for the best. But It doesn't feel right.
"If I had confessed before all of this happened." He gestures to her appearance. "Do you think you'd have loved me then?"
Her gaze is drawn to the exit as she swings her plush, velvet purse over her flawless figure. She doesn't like to dwell on the past, but she allows her mind to wander back to when they'd met.
Did she have feelings for him?
"Maybe." She doesn't know, she was only focused on herself, not her feelings for others. "You have to understand, Mildred is gone, I can't be her anymore. I know you want things back, but my fans don't. And when push comes to shove, I'll be damned If I sacrifice my fans just to be the girl you once loved."
His heart aches; it's the outcome he expected but not the one he desired. "I understand." He forces out, even though he doesn't. Why can't she love him? She didn't have to leave, and none of this had to happen.
But she does. Without sparing him another glance, she walks away. Her heels clack against the floorboards with each step until she comes to a halt at the doorway.
"You were a wonderful experience, Josh." She doesn't turn around, there's no reason to.
He realises that he should've done more. There was so much more he could've done. But he didn't.
That was the last time he saw her. He doesn't notice the door opening and closing as the sound reverberates off the walls. He doesn't acknowledge the tears that start to form in his eyes, until he becomes a sobbing, snivelling mess.
Had she really meant that much to him?
They were only co-hosts, nothing more.
Yet she was everything to him
—
When he heard she'd come running back, he wasn't surprised. Josh had left a week after to host his own show, which had received mixed reviews so far. He was nothing without her, and she knew it.
They'd denied her request, no amount of pleading would get her back on. He's not sure why, given that she was a TV celebrity.
He occasionally watches the aftermath. Her feud with Geoff, the drama-seeking nature in her that bleeds through everything she does, is what makes him miss her even more.
It explains why he fell in love with her. They both craved drama, knew how to dig up dirt on celebrities, and shared a love of reality television.
It was difficult to tell whether he loved her or not. He doesn't know.
But if there's one thing that he does.
It's that she'll never be his.
