Chapter 41 - For Your Strength Is Mine (Post-2:11)

I tiptoe up into the cockpit, pausing in the doorway, double-checking to make sure no one's there but Hunter, who's sitting in the pilot's seat, still watching. "Sometimes," I try slowly, sliding in beside him. "Sometimes, I think Echo's right."

Hunter lifts his head, studying me. "About what?"

"All of it. That we should be doing more. We saw what the Empire is capable of today."

"I don't disagree," Hunter answers after a long pause. "But as our sergeant, I have to do what's best for us."

"What about what's best for them?" I ask. "I – I was made to be a soldier. I was made to fight, and there's a galaxy that can use everyone willing to fight for justice and order. I mean real order. I know you want to settle down, and – and maybe – maybe you're right that it's the best choice for us, but I can't imagine living... normally that."

"But you deserve to get to have a normal childhood, Vision."

"Don't you see? I'm not a normal kid, Hunter. I never have been. My – my childhood ended when Order 66 came through. When I saw my home burned to ash. There is none of that left for me. There's just..." I'm shaking my head, trying to find words. "War."

"But you're more than war," he argues. "You always have been."

"But that's all I wanna be." I shift forwards in my chair. "Look. The galaxy is calling me, Hunter. I don't want to ignore it. There are people out there who need me."

"Don't," he requests softly, a familiar, desperate fear in his eyes. One I've lived so well. A fear that Crosshair put in each of our hearts. One I want to change. "You don't have to do this. You're not responsible for them."

"Then who is? Who else can help them, if not me? When we were with that creature, I – I sensed... a connection. I have the Force. You know I could have been a Jedi. I wanted Anakin to teach me. And what will happen if someday, he does? Things are changing." And I finally understand what Tech means that a family's needs don't always align. They don't. And I know it now, because...

Crosshair needs me.

And I can't stay here if I'm going to help him.

Even if I don't want to leave.

Nothing that terrifies me more than being alone. But that's just where Crosshair is, isn't it? Because of all of us. He's the one thing that, our lives here, without him, aren't half what they should be. We're not whole. We're not together. We never will be, unless someone has the will to change it.

"You're not ready for that."

"I can do it if I have to. You trained me."

"You're really thinking about this, aren't you?" Hunter asks tiredly. He's scared. I am, too, but I hate to see that on him, hate knowing that I'm the one who's causing it when I used to hate Crosshair for doing the same. I guess it was coming though. We're the same. I hate him for everything I am. "Going?"

For a moment, my throat clogs over and I don't know what to say to him. I want to deny it. That I'm not. But it's a choice I might have to make, and... I don't know. I have to figure something out, because if they know, we go, and Tech dies. Or, something worse might happen, and I can't drag us into that kind of danger. If Tech knew the choice he would be making, he'd still make it, because he's an idiot and he jumped off a cliff after Omega and I, and I know he'd do the same for any one of us. I can't ask him that. "But what would happen if I did? If... I had to? Not be here?" I wave a hand, then drop it and grip my knee closer to my chest, desperately searching my brother's face.

Hunter's expression pinches with some sort of desperate hurt. "I – I don't know. I don't want to think about you not being here, kid."

I gnaw on my lip for a moment, looking back to the viewport at the sharp emotionalness of his confession. "Would you hate me?"

"Vision." Hunter shifts forwards, turning his chair towards me. "If there's one thing you have to know, it's that you're my kid. The first one I ever had. I couldn't never hate you. I don't care where you went or what you did."

Really? "Even if I nearly killed Omega?"

"That was your inhibitor chip. It wasn't you."

"But what if it was?" He doesn't answer, and I shake my head, prompting him.

"I – I can't imagine what that would do to us," Hunter admits. "Truthfully. But you'd still be our sister. No. I wouldn't hate you. No matter where our lives take any of us, you will always be our sister, Viz."

He says it like it's so, so simple, and tears prick my eyes at the emotions behind their words, at the meaning deep in my heart, at the promise of home and family forever. He just called me Viz. That's a certified Omega-only nickname for me. And it means so much to have someone else call me that, too. I do belong here. This is my home. And we might struggle, but I am loved here. Just like we love Crosshair but are too afraid to speak his name. "Aren't you angry at Crosshair?"

"Yeah." Hunter sighs. "Yeah, I am."

"Isn't he your kid, too. Do you forgive him?" I know we all want him back. I just... need to know. And I know no one but Omega and I are dumb enough to hope. Though I know what it means. And I can't go there. I wish Echo was here. He, of everyone, would understand.

Hunter looks away, staring out into the dark void of space. "Yeah," he answers finally. "Yeah, I have. Or at least I try."

"Do... do you think we're gonna see him again?" I ask quietly.

"I don't know, kid. I really don't know."

I do. He's our family, and he'll find his way home. And if I can, I can make sure he doesn't have to do that alone. "That's okay," I promise instead, 'cuz I have my answer. If Crosshair needed us, we'd try to help him. We'd try to hope. Even if it put all of us at risk. Hunter, Tech, Wrecker, Omega – I can't.

I can't let that happen.

Instead, I nod slowly, sliding from the chair.

"Are you okay?" Hunter asks me quietly. "I mean, talking about this, are you..."

"Yeah! Yeah, I'm okay. I just get broody sometimes. I'm okay. I promise." The smile I flash him is so ridiculously fake, he'd have to be completely drunk or drugged to believe me, and I see the pointed eye-narrow, but he doesn't call it out. Not like I'm about to have a meltdown, though. This is about helping Crosshair. I'm not going to pitch a "I can't loose you so I want to abandon my brother" fit and hope they listen.

Because they wouldn't.

And if they do, I'm going to punch everybody.

Hunter extends a hand towards me, and I snatch it, climbing into his lap and curling up against his chest if I am starting to get a little big. I'll always be shorter than him though. so I can still get snuggled. Which is nice.

My now oldest brother sighs softly, arm wrapping around my back and gently cradling me against him. I rest my head on his scarf, eyes closed, just existing against the darkness of reality, praying I'll someday find the path I need.

I really need Echo's help.

**w**

"Hey, boys," Phee chirps, boarding the ship, and I roll my eyes skywards, begging for some margin of relief. Ughhhh. I'm glad everybody but Hunter and I are on-board happy-sappy with Phee being aboard, but I'll be dead in three hours. "Heard you were desperate for money?"

"We could use the credits," Hunter tells her shortly, arms crossed.

"Oh, you could, couldn't you?" Phee asks, smirking playfully, "Well I got right the place."

"That's a relief," I snark.

"That's good," Phee drawls, heading up-front to lounge behind Tech. Omega's trailing her like a lost puppy once again. I feel a vague stab of annoyance, but it fades fast when I remember the mission I need to be focusing in, anyway. I don't have the time for friends. Or stupid arguments. Or a buncha stupid jealousy problems. Not when there's a chance I might be able to get Crosshair back.

"I think you missed the part where I was being sarcastic," I gripe, slouching onto the seat behind Wrecker's when he takes up co-piloting. Weird not to see Echo there. Now that we're in hyperspace again. Echo's absence just feels more... more. Honestly, it just hurts. He'd be grumpy with us, too. I want to know what he'd think. What he would do.

But nope, instead he's off having fun with Fives while trying to save the galaxy. Fun for him. Oh, yeah, while Crosshair's being tortured in the background, but we're not talking about that yet.

Should I prepare an I-miss-you card?

...

What should I put on it?

**w**

Tech breaks his arm.

He's waring a vambrace, but still, Wrecker gets his thigh grazed (somehow) and Tech straight up breaks his arm.

My brothers.

I swear.

Phee's only excuse is that she had no idea she'd be double-crossed so bad and get us in so much trouble. But between her and Omega having a blast, Hunter trying to make Wrecker stop screaming about needles like someone's trying to stab his eye out or something, which leaves me with the glory of flying, since I haven't modified a grabber arm for Gonky yet.

Trying to fly over the screaming is insane.

At least missions with Phee are exciting, I guess.

But stars, the heart-wrenching-ness of trying to fly while Tech is beside me, injured, grunting faintly from pain, is not something I ever want to repeat. I spin us upwards, teeth clenching against the shuddering as the ship jolts from laser fire. hitting the controls and yanking us away into the safety of hyperspace.

I drop back against the seat's back, panting, momentarily breathless from the rush of adrenaline fading away. I bolt off from my seat, jump-tackling Tech. His grunt and yelp would be a lot more comical if it wasn't part pained. I grab his shoulders to shake him just to make a point. "Don't ever do something so stupid again," I order him flatly.

"It was a perfectly logical choice –" Tech starts arguing, yelping when I throw myself at him, arms wrapping tightly around his neck. He awkwardly pats my back. I can't lose Tech.

Tech has always been a puzzle to me. Every time I think I get him, it just loses me again. And I have to start over. But there is one thing I need him to learn, the same deep, clear-cut fear each of us have, something that maybe started even before Crosshair, the fear I know he and I share, and maybe Tech as well. "You don't have to do this alone. We can help you."

No one dies from falling.

Everything's gonna be fine.

**w**

The Marauder was damaged, and Tech goes to get the thing up and running again. I try to help him out. Omega helps, too. This is normal. We used to do it with Echo. I can see how much Omega misses him when she freezes up every now and then, expression falling, but neither of us mentions it.

She comes up to me at random and pats my arm without a word. I squeeze her hand tightly, a bit relieved at the final touch of familiarity and normality.

**w**

I'm slouched across the floor as Tech works on one of his projects, listening to him raving about one of the decryption questions, my head resting on his thigh, half listening as I stare up at him.

Worry churns over and over in my head, repetitive and unyielding. I have to get this right. I can't think of a universe where we lose Tech. How far off are my visions? A month? Half a month? My dreams about Crosshair weren't more than a month. Which means I've got less than that running up, and I've got a very short while to save both of them.

What if I get this wrong? What if something happens anyway no matter what I do? And I could've avoided it by telling them?

What if... he really dies, and I never warned the others? That they never got to know these moments with him might be their last?

I don't actually realize he's not talking until I realize how quiet it is.

I'm pretty sure he didn't ask me anything. He was mostly monologuing with useless info dumps I'll never follow more than a tenth of. "Hm?" I ask, prying my eyes open to look up at him."

"I thought you were sleeping," Tech replies.

A faint smile pulls at my lips. "I wasn't."

"I did not wish to disturb you."

"It's okay. Your voice is soothing."

"I thought we were always arguing."

"Not right now."

There's a brief pause as I see him looking down at me, slowly reaching up to adjust his goggles again. "Vision, is something wrong?"

"Yeah." I don't know what it says that Tech is the first one I've said that too. I haven't breathed a word to Hunter even fi he always knows, or Omega through I grew up with her, or Wrecker though he's energetic and adorable, undeniable in a way no one else is. "But I don't want to talk about it."

He takes that, thankfully, as his cue to keep talking. Which is good. That's what all I need right now.

**w**

Days spiral and spiral and from here I know what's coming, and I hafta be ready. I keep dreaming, the flickers slowly formalizing into something a bit more coherent, but I know there's something I'm missing. Something coming. I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.

Between a meeting with Phee, a mission run and a day off, I keep working. Drag Hunter down to rerun some knife skills, even if he makes me use a fake one because if I mess up with a vibroblade, I'd lOoSe mY WhOlE hAnD. The horror. I get to I stick with training blade, so it can cut a bit and mostly, the weight is the same, so it works. And I only cut my hand once, so...

I make Wrecker teach me more details about explosives. Mostly regoing over what I already know. Because really, why not? If all else fails, there's always the Blow Stuff Up Initiative, and those always go well.

I meditate some with Omega, trying to feel the Force and do more. Try not to let Phee see me doing it much.

And, of course, drag Tech down to ask for technical help.

"Decrypt this," Tech tells me shortly, throwing me his datapad. "In the set time integral."

I look it over and shrug. "Can't be too bad." I stare at the whirling numbers, poking a few buttons. He's showed me this once already. I've watched him do it many times. It's fine until I crack through the first layers, then am left staring blankly at the next. "Uh, what do I push now?" I ask, side-eyeing Tech.

"Since when did you need information to know what to push?"

I huff. Rrrright, I used to cheat on tests with this. Guess that was good training, too.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no emotion, there is peace.

Let. Go.

I close my eyes instead, breathing in and out, trying to stop focusing. I'm on the Marauder, safe with my brothers. I won't be hurt for failing. I don't open them, just feeling, following blindly with the light in my head.

"Impressive," Tech says when it pings, successfully through the files, "That was close to my record."

My head snaps up. "I almost beat you?"

"No, I mean you almost reached my record slowest."

I laugh. "Of course you didn't mean it as a genuine compliment."

"Naturally, it was intended as a compliment," he protests, "That you were even able to approach that record is impressive."

I rub my forehead, laughing. Stars, he is still insane. A year and a half of knowing him or no. Some things really never change. And I don't want it too. "Okay. I think I'm getting the hang of this. Let's go again?"

**w**

"Hey, kid," Phee says, luckily for her managing to track me down alone in the Marauder, not so lucky for me. "Gotta say we really got off on the wrong foot."

"No kidding," I drawl, typing rapidly on the datapad.

"What's Tech filling your head with?"

"Data decryption. Can't always bet my life on being babysat by my brothers." I prop my legs up closer to my chest, eyes narrowing with focus. Also – wait. "Did you just apologize to me?"

"Well, if you wanna call it that," the pirate replies, plopping herself at my side.

That's weird. Cid never apologized. I'm not apologized to for anything if it's of real importance. It's weird. A bit unnerving.

"You know, Tech told me about Crosshair. I didn't know you lost a brother."

Yeah. She didn't know why I was being so snappy. She had no way to, or to know what heights mean to Hunter, and I'm not gonna tell her that. It's too personal for us. Not throwing that info out. Still. I appreciate the apology. Maybe not accept, but appreciate. Maybe she's not so bad. She really didn't know what Crosshair leaving did to us, or what we became because of him.

Crosshair is the one who took us apart. He left us. Tried to kill us. Who I'd do anything to be with one last time. "I don't want to talk about Crosshair," I answers slowly.

She shrugs. "That's okay."

I nod, looking back down, opting to quiet and hope she's not gonna take it as rude. I'm so bad with people. I really don't do social interactions. "Hey," I ask as afterthought, "If you wanna help, can you help me find droid parts for a blaster arm?"

**w**

These stupid dreams. Every time I sleep, I see Crosshair's face blurring in front of mine, see things falling, see wind and Tech and fog, see... fire. The fire's new, though I swear I've seen it before. A field, burning, flames licking skywards. There's someone else there. Often is, someone in my dreams I never quite See. But the light, the gentle softness, I've Seen in my dreams before. Other dreams. Someone important. She's familiar.

We keep running missions, and it's honestly nice for Phee to be taking the risk with us. Cid never did that. Her foresight and definitions of danger is horrid when she thinks everything's fun, but she at least shares it with us. Gotta grudgingly give her that.

Mayyybe not telling my brothers we're going to hafta raise a top-secure Imp prison is a bad idea, but I'm rolling with it and hoping for the best. Gotta count for worst, though. We've got a high chance of all going in together, no matter what I do. But I can't drag my brothers into that. This entire thing is really my fault. I should have done... what should I have done?

I keep thinking about Crosshair.

More than that, keep thinking that I have a whole new appreciation for the family I have, finally realizing that any moment, they could be ripped away from me. Any day, before I know it, I could be without them. And if we don't play this right, I might never see them again.

But we're free of Cid anyway, and I never realize how hard a bond that was until we're free. And it's good to be away. Though I'll bet it's just time counting before she gets cranky we never called her back. And it's mostly just really, really weird not to be worrying about a nasty employer hovering over us and complaining about debts if we're not able to complete something stupid when she never even gave us all the details or a proper explanation of what we're supposed to be doing.

I'm not sure if Omega's really okay with Echo being away. Sometimes, I think so, but sometimes I really don't know. She's not being as broody, but she's not really talking, either. I don't really know her well enough to guess. I don't really think she's okay, but she says nothing, and I don't know if what Tech and I said to her helped or if she's just being broodily quiet about it like I would be.

I really just gotta... guess

I wish I could.

**w**

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Wrecker whines as I pour over the nice, fancy plans I'd drawn up for Gonky's blaster arm.

I shrug. "Hey, sure! We're gonna do greaaaaat! One more meanie try to kidnap him, and he can go pow pow and blast them to Lotho Minor."

Gonky honks approvingly.

I pat his side. "See? He's all on-board."

"How are we going to get that inside of him without pulling out half of his parts?" Omega asks.

I freeze. "Uh... I... haven't thought about that part yet?"

The droid yelps.

"We'd have to do a very clumsy extension," Hunter agrees with a small smirk, crouching beside me and my mess of plan scribblings.

"I am not certain this would ever function, much less be an ideal addition to our droid," Tech says flatly.

"I think it's a good idea," Omega chirps, looking up at him, "The worst that could happen is that he shoots at the wrong person."

"Yes, that is precisely my point."

"But it's a good plan," I protest, "And it has a bit of your engineering skills, remember? You taught me."

"Yes, I did," Tech agrees, though he doesn't sound nearly as excited as he should. "But that does not mean I am entirely approving of what you have done with this knowledge."

"Come on, Tech! What could possibly go wrong?"

"Countless things. All the droids we fought in the war had at least one."

I freeze. "Wait, some had more?"

"Oh, yeah! And some had knives," Wrecker adds.

"That's not fair. I wanna fight a knife droid."

"No, you don't," Hunter answers firmly. "They're deadly, kid. Even for us."

"Really? How old were you when you fought it?"

He sits back. "Eight. I basically hacked it to pieces," Hunter shares proudly, "But it was deadly. Nearly got delimbed a couple of times. They'd programmed the thing to be really fast to make up for my heightened senses."

"Huh." I shrug. "Smart of them. You know, you're really making me wish I'd lived in the Clone Wars."

"It was a lot more interesting than what we do now," Wrecker whines. Hunter side-eyes him with visible and wordless disagreement.

"Except that some of us could have died," Tech informs flatly. "There is always the risk of death in war, like what happened to Echo."

Yeah. Wrecker was injured on one of their first missions. I still remember hearing that. Crosshair was twitchy about it every time they brought it up. Not something we really talk about, but it still has me got a little bit... worried, I guess. Cuz I know we have been hurt before. And there's always a risk and chance of us being hurt again. So yeah, I know why Hunter's so twitchy about the war. Reminds him of Crosshair, too, no doubt. An' we don't talk about him.

"Okay, okay," I whine, throwing my hands up. "Okay, I surrender, you're probably right."

Still thinking about it, though.

**w**

Omega and I are seated on the gunner's mount, in hyperspace waiting out another team-up with Phee when she finally asks a quiet "you okay?"

Nope. Not at all. I'm going to have to convince my siblings not to worry about Crosshair because if we do, Tech is gonna die. Ultimatum here. Oh, and I'm the only one who knows he's about to leave the Empire. "I don't know. I'm just thinking about Crosshair a lot."

"I'm sorry," Omega says quietly, "I wish he'd left with us."

"Yeah. Me too. But it wasn't really what he wanted. And if he had, we'd be trippin' over each other with murder attempts. I still miss him, but I..." I'd do anything to get him back, and I'm counting, waiting for the day I get to be with him again. And I just... need him. "Do you think there's still good in him?"

Omega bites her lip, looking away. "You know I do," she answers quietly. "I can't believe he's really gone."

"Every time we've ran into him, he's just tried to kill us. If not for Howzer, we'd be dead." It's so hard to remember that.

"I still want to believe it wasn't him," Omega admits, "That he couldn't help it. But I was wrong." She hesitates, the next sentence coming more hesitantly like she's almost shy to ask. "Do you miss him?"

I sigh, looking fixedly into the darkness of the Marauder in front of me, slightly lifting a shoulder in a half-shrug. "All the time. Not that it even matters."

"It does to me," she protests, "I know you care about him."

Wish I didn't. That would make it so much easier. But then I remember who he was to me, and I can't. "I don't want to talk about him."

"I'm sorry. I can tell you've bene thinking about him a lot."

She can? How does everyone do that? "When we decided to sneak away from Nala Se and that lab, I really didn't expect to end up here."

"I didn't either. But we have most of our family, right?"

Right now. "Yeah. Yeah, we do, except that we still don't have anywhere to go settle down, and we're still on the run from the Empire."

"We'll figure something out. Maybe we can go back to Kashyyyk sometime. I know you miss Gungi."

"Yeah. I guess I'd like to be with another Jedi again." Feels so wrong to have a part of my life my brothers can't fill, but it's really a part of who I am. It's – oh.

There's Anakin. I can ask his help. Again. I just need to find a way to message him. He might be a little head-on-backward, but if he knows what I've seen, he'll help. He doesn't know what the Empire truly is. "It'd like to learn more about the Force, even if I can never be a Jedi. That lightsaber, it was calling to me. It's weird." I saw things, whatever that was all about.

"You are Force-sensitive," Omega reminds, "You could be a Jedi, but... I thought that meant you'd have to leave."

I hesitate. "I'm not gonna do that. This is where I belong. If someone wants to teach me, they're just gonna hafta come along."

Omega laughs. "I don't think Jedi do that."

"Yep. Maybe I'll be a Sith instead."

"I thought the Sith are bad?"

"Uh, maybe I'll be a good one."

"I don't think that's how it works."

"First time for everything, yeah?"

Omega laughs, wrapping an arm around my back in a tight embrace. "I guess if you wanted to, you could probably do it."

...

I actually like the thought of Vader training me, though. I like it a lot.

**w**

Tonight, when I dream, I don't dream of Crosshair and the ice world, and I realize with the heaviest feeling of all, that this is where it all begins.

I feel a tiny bit bad about this, but I think I've said about everything I can with Vision and her brothers right now. There's a few other relationships that need development, so... I think I should try to roll along with the plot and focus on more progression for a little while. Plus, we're about to hit the climax 💖💖💖

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