Chapter 28
"Operate?" Nick blurted out as he placed his empty glass down loudly on the nearby table. "You've only been in college for a year, boy, and you think you've got the skills to cut her open? Have you got any clue at all what you're doin'?"
Eugene drew in a deep breath, feeling uncomfortable at his older brother's scrutiny. "I've never operated without supervision before but I don't see we've got much choice." He replied, meeting his eyes. "Doctor Merar still hasn't arrived and honestly, I don't know just how much longer she is going to hold on."
"Can you do it Gene?" Heath asked softly. "Can you help my lil sister?"
"I have to try." He paused for a moment, turning his gaze away from Nick to Heath. "If I don't, she will die."
"Are you sure?" Jarrod questioned firmly. "Are you positive that you are right in your diagnosis? You're certain without a doubt that she needs this operation?"
Eugene nodded. "I am positive. All the signs are there, there's no telling how long she's been bleeding internally and unless I intervene, her condition is going to continue to worsen. She's already weak from her other injuries, even if I do operate now…" He paused for a moment. "I might be too late to do any good."
"You're saying she could die while you're operating." He replied with a slight tremor in his voice.
"That is a risk I'll have to take and even if it is a success, it still might not be enough. What I do know is that unless I try, she will die. If I operate, there is a small chance she can make it."
Silence fell amongst the solemn group gathered in the living room, Jarrod fighting back tears along with the rest of the family. If what Eugene was saying was true, that she was bleeding internally and would die without the operation, then what choice did they have? He was her only chance.
Nick was the first to speak after the grim news, forcing back the lump rising in his throat. "You've got to try then…" He said huskily. "She's gotta be given a chance."
Eugene turned to Jarrod. "Jarrod, it's your call. I can recommend what action should be taken but you're her legal guardian, it's your decision."
Oh Lord… How could he be asked to make such a decision? Eugene had told them he'd never operated without supervision before, what if something went wrong? On the other hand, if he didn't let him operate, there was no way of knowing if Doctor Merar would arrive in time to be of any help to her. "Mother?" He questioned, Victoria having remained silent up until now. "What do you think?"
"I have faith in my son." She replied with confidence. "I know that Gene will do the best he can. Maybe he can save her, we won't know unless he tries. We can't wait for Doctor Merar, he should have been here hours ago but he isn't. If she's going to have a chance, it's now and it's your brother."
"Alright." If their mother had faith in Eugene then he could too. Taking a deep breath Jarrod locked eyes with his youngest sibling. "You have my permission to operate on Matilda."
"I will do everything I can to make sure she pulls through." Eugene replied sincerely. "Mother, I'm going to need the dining room readied, I can't operate in the bedroom."
"Of course. I'll see to it right away."
"Is there anything I can do?" Audra spoke up with a sniffle as their mother left the room. "I want to help."
"You could help Mother." He told her and after nodding in arrangement, she left also. "I'm not going to be able to do this on my own," He turned to his older brother. "I'm going to need your help too Jarrod. You'll need to assist me."
Swallowing, Jarrod nodded.
"If I may…" Jeanie spoke up softly, going over to join the men. "I-I've had some experience nursing." She explained hesitantly, not knowing what reaction she would receive from them given what they knew of her. "I've helped in operations before, I used to help the town doctor when he needed it. I can help, if you want me to."
"Then you are a Godsend Jeanie." Eugene exclaimed gratefully. "I can definitely use your help. Thank you."
She nodded. "Excuse me then, I'll go help Mrs. Barkley."
Jarrod watched her leave, wondering what the rest of her story was for a moment before his thoughts returned to things of more importance. "Does Matilda know?" He questioned his brother softly. "Does she know she's going to need an operation?"
"No, I haven't told her." He answered. "If you would like me to, I'll explain it all to her."
He shook his head. "No. I'll speak to her. No offense Gene but she might take it a little better from me. She trusts me."
"Could we see her before…" Nick's voice trailed off.
"Of course." Eugene agreed. "It's going to take us a little time to get prepared, you have until then. Jarrod, Miss-"
"Just call me Jeanie."
"Alright Jeanie. If you'll both come with me, we'll get ready."
Nick took a deep breath, turning to Heath after they had left. "I'd be guessin' you want some time alone with Matilda?"
"We're family Nick, I don't mind you comin' with me. Like you said earlier, her bein' my sister, me bein' your brother, makes her your sister too." He paused for a moment. "I know how much you think of her, I've seen it."
"She sure is one special lil gal…"
Heath placed his hand on his brother's shoulder and together they headed upstairs to Matilda's bedroom. The door had been left open and at the sound of someone coming in, Matilda's eyes opened. "How are you feeling Tildy?" Heath questioned softly as he sat down beside her. "Any better?"
"Yeah…" A slight touch of a smile was on her lips as she looked up at Heath first then Nick as he stood beside them. "C-can't feel a thing." Pain was only a distant memory now from the effect of the morphine, now that Eugene had stopped poking and prodding her poor stomach. "I'm just glad... to be home."
"Oh I bet you are." Nick said with a soft chuckle. "Feather pillows, soft bed. What more could a gal ask for?"
"I-I want… To see Miracle."
"Your wish is my command." He said with a bow. "Anythin' for you, my lady."
A soft giggle came from her at his theatrics. "Thanks Nick…"
"Anything I can do for you?" Heath asked after Nick had left, tucking her hair back behind her ear. "Anything at all, you just name it."
"There's… There is something." Matilda finally said after a moment. "In the closet… My saddlebags… Can you?..."
He nodded, rising before she had a chance to finish her request. Her saddlebags were easy to find, having been left sitting in the bottom of the closet on a shelf and after picking them up, he returned to her.
"Open the right one… Inner pocket."
Unbuckling it, he opened the saddlebag and looked inside. Tucked securely away in the inner pocket was a small, wooden carved horse and as he drew it out, his hands shook a little as it dawned on him. She'd kept it. All these years, she'd kept it. "Tildy…"
"You made it… For me… Didn't you?" She questioned, tears in her eyes. "It was you… Wasn't it?"
He nodded, turning the crudely carved object over in his hand. "I'd completely forgotten this… After all this time, you still kept it."
"I-I couldn't… couldn't remember you. I-I was so little... when you left. But… But I held... onto it." She had to pause to catch her breath, speaking beginning to tire her. "Please… Please don't... don't leave me again."
Heath placed the saddlebags beneath the bed, still holding onto the carved horse as he felt that irritating lump rising in his throat again. "I won't, lil sis. I promise." His voice cracked slightly. "You've got my word."
She smiled weakly. "Thanks Heath…"
He smiled back sadly as he fought to hold back his tears. "Where do you want me to put this?"
"Can you… Put it... with the other one… you made?"
Clearing his throat, he rose. "Sure can." The carved figurine he'd given her for Christmas sat on the dresser on the other side of the room and going over to it, he set the little crude horse down beside it. "How's that?"
"Perfect…"
Returning to her, he sat down beside her again. "I-I'm sorry Tildy. You were just a child, you couldn't have understood. I didn't want to leave you but I had to. I'm so sorry, for everything. If I'd known what Uncle Matt and Aunt Martha had done, I'd have come for you. I just didn't know."
"It's not... your fault…" She assured him. "Don't feel guilty… It wasn't... your fault."
Heath nodded, holding her hand gently in his.
As their exchange had been taking place, Nick had chosen to give them a moment alone, standing back out of sight just behind the doorway. He couldn't help but overhear though he wasn't intending to eavesdrop on their conversation but listening to Heath with Matilda, he couldn't help but feel sorry for his brother. If there was one thing that he'd come to learn about Heath it was that he always took upon himself the burden of things that he had no control over. Thinking of that, he shook his head. The same could be said of him; yes, he and Heath were a lot alike.
After a couple minutes of silence had passed by, Nick entered with the growing kitten nestled in his arms. "Here she is, lil one." He exclaimed as he carried her over to Matilda, his heart warming a little upon seeing how her face lit up when she saw the gray feline. "She's missed you."
"Miracle… Oh my girl..." Miracle was purring loudly and as she struggled to reach her hand towards her, Nick lowered her down onto the bed beside her, placing her hand on top of the kittens back. "I've missed you."
Purring loud enough for them all to hear, Miracle kneaded the sheets for a moment with her tiny paws then padded across the bed to bump her in the face with her nose. A soft giggle came from the girl as the kitten's whiskers tickled her skin. "Hey… Quit that." She protested weakly as the kitten continued to shower her with affection. "Miracle…"
"You trying to suffocate our lil sis?" Heath questioned the kitten good-naturedly as he picked her up and moved her back to Matilda's hand where she laid down after a moment.
Still smiling a little, she intertwined her fingers in her kitten's fur. "And Tomahawk?" She asked, looking up at Nick.
"If you think I'm gonna bring that stallion in here, you have another thing comin' young lady. Do you think I have a death wish? Mother would have my hide if I brought that horse inside the house."
A weak chuckle escaped her. "I-I wasn't askin'... you to bring him in… I was... asking how he was."
"He's just fine. Just fine." Seeing how much her spirits had seemed to be lifted having the kitten near, he couldn't help but smile. "I've been seein' to Tomahawk personally, though I did have to get that new hand of ours to look after him while we've been gone."
"J-Jack?"
He nodded.
"Thank him for me… please."
"Of course."
It was upon this scene that Jarrod walked in on, Heath sitting beside Matilda with Nick standing nearby, his two brothers watching the girl with her kitten. "Well well well, what's this then?" He exclaimed, Miracle purring loudly as she kneaded her little paws on the covers. "Just what do you think you're doing here?"
Matilda chuckled weakly. "Nick… Brought her in… to see me."
"Guilty as charged." Nick admitted. "I'm sorry Matilda," He started as he picked up the kitten, Miracle protesting with a soft meow. "she has to go now."
"Nick, just one more pat… Please?"
"Alright." He relented, bringing her back down to Matilda's hand. With great effort the girl rubbed the kitten's forehead, Miracle rubbing her nose against her palm in return.
Assuming that since Jarrod was here, they were ready for Matilda downstairs, Heath rose. "I'll come give you a hand with her." He offered as an excuse to leave, Nick nodding in agreement.
"I… I've missed her." Matilda said after Nick and Heath had left, Jarrod sitting down beside her in Heath's stead. "She's grown... so much."
"That she has." Jarrod nodded in agreement.
"Jarrod…" She started softly after a moment. "S-something wrong?"
Gathering his composure, he nodded again. "Matilda, when Eugene and Mother left you earlier, they came downstairs to speak with us." He paused as he gently took her hand in his. "I'm afraid sweetheart that you need to have an operation."
"An operation?" She repeated, her eyes widening with fear. "N-no. No, no way. No-"
"Matilda, listen to me." Jarrod interrupted firmly but softly. "The reason why your stomach was hurting earlier is because you're bleeding internally. It's making you sick. Eugene needs to operate to stop the bleeding."
Matilda shook her head. "No. I-I don't hurt… anymore."
"That's because of the morphine. It's masking the pain. You will continue to bleed unless it's stopped. The only way that will happen is if Eugene operates."
"And if… If he doesn't?"
"Then it'll continue to worsen until…"
She swallowed, tears coming to her eyes as she bit her lip. "Until I die. That's what you're… you're saying."
Jarrod nodded. "I… I've already agreed to let Eugene operate but I haven't asked you what you want. What do you want, sweetheart?"
"I… I want a chance." A couple tears trickled down her cheeks. "But… I-I could still die… Couldn't I?"
He nodded again. "But if he doesn't operate, you will. This way you have a chance."
"Then we... haven't a choice... do we?"
"We really don't sweetheart, I'm sorry."
"Alright… But I… I want a moment… With you all… Before…" Her voice weakly trailed off.
He nodded, fighting with the rising lump in his throat. "Of course."
"When?"
"Now. We can't wait any longer." Jarrod told her gently, still stroking her cheek with his thumb. "Eugene is waiting for us downstairs, we've set the dining room up for him to operate."
"We… We'd... better go... then." Her voice cracked slightly. "Can't keep… them waiting."
Tucking her hair back behind her ear, Jarrod rose and carefully picked her up. His heart was heavy as he carried his precious cargo down the stairs and into the dining room where the rest of the family had gathered around. She had to make it; she just had to be alright. As he came in with Matilda, his mother moved aside to let him through and he gently set her down on the table then stepped back to let the rest of the family have a moment with her.
Audra stepped over to her first, barely able to hold herself together. "Oh Matilda-"
"H-hey… No cryin' now…" Matilda told her firmly. "I'm gonna be… just fine."
Tears in her eyes, Audra nodded as she fought with her emotions. A hand was laid on her shoulder and she glanced up, Nick having come to stand with her.
"You… You've been a good friend." She continued. "First one… I've ever had."
She smiled a little for Matilda's sake. "And you're one of the best friends I've ever had."
"Look after Miracle… till I get better."
She nodded again. "Of course."
"You just make sure you get better now, you hear?" Nick spoke up as Audra fell silent. "This here's a workin' ranch and I need my best lil helper around."
Matilda smiled weakly. "I'll do… My best."
Hesitating for a moment, Nick bent down and gently placed a kiss on her forehead. Their eyes met and he smiled at her as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'll see you on the other side, okay?"
She managed a little nod in response to his whisper.
With that, Nick turned back to Audra and guided her out of the room, Heath stepping over to have his words with her. "Tildy…"
"Heath…" She whispered as she held eye contact with him. "Love you, big brother."
With those two little words, Heath felt himself tearing up again. "I love you too, lil sis." He said, caressing the side of her face gently with his hand. "I just found you Tildy… I'm not ready to let you go so you fight sis. You fight with everything you've got to stay with us."
"I'll try..."
"You mean the world to me Tildy. You always have and always will. I just hope you know that."
Matilda smiled a little. "I know."
Pressing a kiss to her forehead also, he turned to his younger brother as he went to leave the room. "You look after her Gene."
"I'll do my best Heath."
"I know you will." Looking over at Matilda one last time he lingered for a moment then stepped out, closing the doors behind himself.
"Victoria…" Matilda called her over, the Barkley matriarch coming to her side. "I-I can't… thank you enough… for giving me... a home here. These past… few months… I finally found... a place I felt... I belonged."
Victoira smiled. "You're family, Matilda. You will always belong here."
She smiled a little back in response and as Victoria moved out of her view again, Jarrod came over to her while Eugene finished preparing what for the operation. "J-Jarrod." Matilda started as he took her hand in his. "I… I'm scared." She admitted, tears welling in her eyes.
"I know. I know you are. But you don't need to be." He soothed gently as with his other hand, he smoothed back her hair from her forehead. "Gene knows what he's doing. You're going to be alright, my girl."
"Don't… Please… Don't leave me."
"It's alright, I'll be right here. I'll stay right here and I'll be right here when you wake up. Think of it like a long nap. When you wake up, it'll all be over and you'll be back in your nice soft bed with Miracle and us to keep you company while you get better."
"If I… If I don't make it… Please… Please tell them I love them… and I'm sorry… I tried."
His heart clenched, his voice wavering a little as he replied, "I will sweetheart."
"Make sure… Tomahawk and Miracle… are looked after. I've got… my race winnings… in the bank."
Jarrod nodded. "They'll be well taken care of. Promise."
"And please… bury me next… to Mama."
He nodded in agreement once more.
"I… I don't want to die… Jarrod." Those tears began to slip down her cheeks. "Not now… I-I've got… too much to live for. I-I just found m-my brother. My family… A home… Don't I deserve… to be happy?"
Jarrod cleared his throat, his voice husky. "You do honey." He gently wiped away her tears. "If anyone ever deserves to be happy, it's you, sweet pea."
"Jarrod… Thank you… For everything... you've given me… You… you were the first person who… wanted me… really wanted me… Hosea… Ruth… They wanted me for free labor… You wanted me… for me."
Jarrod didn't trust himself to speak and instead, gently kissed her forehead.
Eugene softly cleared his throat to gain his brother's attention. "We're ready to begin."
He nodded, looking back down at Matilda. "I'll be right here." He fought to keep his voice even. "Mother's here and Jeanie is too. We're going to help Gene. I'll be right here the whole time and I'll be here when you wake up."
With his mother and Jeanie standing by to assist, Eugene picked up the cloth-covered wire mask and the bottle of chloroform. "Matilda, this is to keep you asleep so we can operate." He explained as he applied a single drop from the bottle to the cloth covering the mask. "It'll take a little while but you'll start to feel sleepy then you'll go to sleep and when you wake up, it'll all be over."
As the mask was placed on her face, covering her mouth and nose, Matilda only needed a single whiff of it to recognize it instantly and she began to fight. The smell had taken her back in time, she wasn't in the Barkley dining room anymore, she was outside at the chicken coop fighting for her life against Cade. He had her. He was here. Fear was a mighty powerful motivator and she found strength that shouldn't have been left in her given her condition to fight.
"Hey, hey, hey." Jarrod and Eugene both had to hold her down, the girl fighting with them for all she was worth. "Gene, get it off her." Jarrod instructed his younger brother. "Let me calm her down." Eugene quickly took the mask off, Matilda ceasing to fight as soon as he'd removed it. "Matilda, honey, it's alright. You don't have to fight it." He told her softly. "We aren't going to hurt you."
"No… No, no… No."
"What's wrong sweetheart?"
"That… that's what he… he used."
Realizing where her panic had stemmed from, he inwardly chastised himself for not having thought of the connection earlier. It was little wonder she had reacted the way she did.
"Jarrod?" Eugene questioned, not understanding.
"Cade Alton, the man who kidnapped her, he used chloroform to drug her." Jarrod explained. "Matilda, we've got to use this so Gene can operate. I'm sorry, we haven't got any other choice."
Swallowing, she bit her lip.
"I'm right here. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. I promise."
She nodded ever so slightly.
Jarrod looked back up at his brother and motioned for him to try again. As the mask was placed back over her face he began stroking her hair softly in an attempt to keep her calm. "You're alright Matilda. Look at me. Look at me." She finally looked up, their eyes meeting. "It's alright. Just relax sweetheart. You'll be alright. I'm right here. I won't let anything bad happen to you." As he spoke he could see the plain terror in her eyes but along with fear there was trust too. She trusted him and again he hoped that he was making the right decision. "Just relax sweetheart." He kept stroking her hair. "I'm here. I'm not going to leave you."
Focusing on regulating her breathing so she didn't panic again, she kept looking up into Jarrod's blue eyes as the chloroform began to work. Another drop was placed on the mask and then another a little later and slowly, she was beginning to feel sleepy. Her eyelids began to droop and she fought against it for a moment before finally succumbing to the effects of the anesthetic.
As Matilda went under quietly without further protest, Jarrod breathed a huge sigh of relief, looking at her for a moment before turning to his younger brother. "Now what?"
"Now it's up to you to keep her under." He handed him the bottle and the watch he'd been using to time the dosage. "You'll need to apply a single drop every minute. Every couple minutes or so I want you to take her pulse and take notice of her breathing. If anything changes, I want you to let me know right away."
Taking the bottle and watch, Jarrod nodded. "I sure hope you know what you are doing."
I hope so too… Eugene added, keeping his thoughts to himself as Victoria and Jeanie worked at preparing the girl for him to operate. Once she was ready, clean cloths having been laid over her around the area he would operate, he washed his arms in the bowl of whiskey to sterilize them and stepped up to the table as Jeanie followed suit. "Mother, I'll need you ready with that lamp. I'm going to need extra light in here." Victoria nodded, picking up the lamp and taking up her position across the table from him. "Jeanie, you ready?"
Jeanie nodded. "Yes Doc."
"Jarrod, how's she doing?"
He checked her pulse again. It was there, faster than it should be but it hadn't changed yet from the two times he'd already checked. "We're good here for now Gene. Let's keep it that way."
Swallowing under his eldest brother's gaze, Eugene turned back to the task at hand. "Alright, let's begin. Scalpel."
