Chapter 29
Hours later, Eugene sat alone in the quiet living room with only the ticking of the grandfather clock to keep him company, staring off into space. He was exhausted, drained both mentally and physically. The operation had taken much longer than he would have liked, having found that she'd been bleeding extensively into the peritoneal cavity and had been for quite some time. It had taken all the skill he had in order to steam the bleeding and clean up the mess that had been left from the blunt trauma she'd taken to her abdomen. So far, it appeared the operation had been a success; for though she was left extremely weak, Matilda was still alive.
For now.
It had been just after four in the morning once the operation had been finished and after cleaning the room up and checking Matilda over again once more, he'd decided it was too risky to attempt moving her back to her room until she was stronger. The possibility that she could begin bleeding internally again was high given how fragile she was and it just wasn't worth taking the chance. After having made her as comfortable as possible, while Victoria, Jarrod and Jeannie stayed with her, he'd gone to deliver the news she'd pulled through to the rest of the family.
Nick, Heath and Audra had been waiting impatiently for news on Matilda in the living room, his siblings rising from where they sat when he'd entered. Their relief was evident when he informed them that she had made it through the operation but the news had been delivered with a caution that her recovery wasn't a sure thing. Between the blood loss and internal damage, the infection from the gunshot wound and the raw wounds on her back she was clinging to life by a thread. The operation had given her a chance, that was all. Only time now would tell which way it would go.
With his siblings leaving to keep vigil in the dining room, Eugene had slowly sunk to the spot on the sofa that he hadn't left since, his thoughts his only companion. He'd done his best but there was no telling yet if that would be good enough. There was nothing more he could do for her now, nothing more any doctor could do. Even now, it still amazed him just how much a body could take and still live. The odds were stacked against her; she shouldn't have made it this far. She most certainly wouldn't have if his brother's hadn't found her when they did. It was just as well they'd moved heaven and earth to get her home like they had, another day without treatment and she certainly would have succumbed to her injuries.
The sound of footsteps coming into the room interrupted his thoughts and he looked up to see Jeannie coming into the room. "Has something happened to Matilda?"
"She's still holding on." Jeannie replied softly, coming to sit down beside him on the sofa. "I've just checked her before I left. No change either way just yet. Here-" She handed him the steaming mug of coffee she'd brought along with her, having just made it for him in the kitchen. "you look like you could use it."
"Thank you." He gratefully took the hot beverage, sipping gingerly at it for a moment before cradling the mug between his hands. "I haven't had a chance to thank you for what you did there." He said, looking down at his drink. "I wouldn't have been able to do it without your help. You're one of the best nurses I've worked with, and I truly mean that."
She smiled just a little. "There's no need to thank me, believe me."
"Where did you learn your skills?" Eugene asked, turning to her.
"It's a bit of a story."
"I don't mind listening. Don't have anything else to do right now."
"Well, if you're sure…" Jeannie replied hesitantly. "I started working for the town doctor when I was eleven to help pay for my mother's medical bills, she'd become sick with tuberculosis and because she was sick, she couldn't work and that meant we didn't have the money to pay for her care. Doctor Andrews needed a nurse and my mother needed treatment so he took me on and trained me in exchange for his services. My mother passed away a couple years later but I kept working with him since it was the only way I could earn a living. He taught me everything I know and I read as much as I could about nursing and doctoring any chance I had." She paused for a moment. "I guess you might say it's my calling, I've always wanted to help people and nursing is one way I can. What about you? What made you want to become a doctor?"
"Pretty much the same reasons as you. Nick always hoped I'd take after him and join him on the ranch but doctoring, that's what I really wanted to do."
Jeannie nodded in understanding. "If your heart isn't in something, you just can't give it your all."
"Exactly." Eugene agreed, taking another sip of his coffee. "I just hope I did the right thing…" His thoughts had turned back to his earlier ruminations over Matilda's condition. "I never expected the first time I'd be operating solo would be on family. If anything happens to her…" He let out a heavy sigh. "They're going to blame me."
"No." She countered, moving closer to him to place her arm over his shoulders. "No, I saw you in there and no doctor could have done better than you. You did the best that you could have possibly done. The best anyone could have done. Matilda has a chance now because of what you did for her. If she dies, it's not because of what you've done or didn't do. Losing a patient is hard, I know, but you did your best and that's all anyone could ask of you."
"But what if my best isn't good enough?"
"Then there's nothing either you or I could do about it. It's out of your hands. There's only so much you can do. A doctor can only preserve life; they can't play God. It's up to God whether she lives or dies. Nothing you or I can do will change it if it's her time to be called home."
Sighing heavily, he nodded in agreement. "I just… I don't want to let my family down, you know? I-I don't know Matilda all that well since I've been away at college but my family… They've really taken to her and now knowing she's related to Heath… If she'd just been any other person, yes, it would be hard on me but for her to be Heath's sister, that makes her family and that changes everything."
"But does it really?"
"It would be bad enough for them to lose her, worse if it's while she's in my care. You saw them, how they were looking at me like I was their last hope. I can't let them down but there's nothing more I can do. Nick, he doesn't think I'm capable and I know Jarrod has his doubts. I don't know Heath well enough to figure what he thinks and Audra, she goes with the majority every time. Mother's the only one that has faith in me and if Matilda dies… I don't know if I could live with it-"
"No, that's enough. You pull yourself together, Doctor Barkley." Jeannie interrupted firmly. "If you let these thoughts take over, you'll be no help to anyone. Focus on the here and now, not the what if's. If she dies, then you will have to deal with it as it comes. She won't be the last patient you lose. Right now, she's still with us and that is in part by the skill God has gifted to you. Don't go doubting yourself now. I'd say that your family is lucky to have you here. What would have happened if you weren't here?"
"It'd have been too late for her."
"Exactly. So man up, Doctor Barkley and be proud of what you've accomplished so far. You brought her through a difficult operation on your own, she's still with us and she's got a chance now thanks to you."
Looking into his mug at the remnants of his coffee, he chuckled. "I guess… Yeah, you're right."
Jeannie smiled at that, patting his back for a moment before she moved back to the other side of the sofa. "Sorry. I can get a bit outspoken at times."
"No need to apologize, I needed a kick in the britches. Thank you." Sculling down the last of the luke-warm coffee he placed the mug down on the table as he stood. "Well, I think it's time we checked on our patient."
"Our?"
"Behind every good doctor is an equally good nurse and I'd say you proved yourself as one last night." Eugene replied as they started towards the dining room. "And I'll add a right pretty one at that."
Jeannie felt her cheeks redden, a little smile touching the corners of her mouth. "Then you need to get your eyes tested, doctor."
He chuckled. "There's nothing wrong with my sight."
She just shook her head with amusement in response.
When word had been received back at the ranch that Victoria Barkley needed volunteers to go and find Doctor Merar, Jack had been among the first to put his hand up for the job. It had taken him mere minutes to have his horse saddled up and be on his way, a prayer in his heart that he could find the doctor, and soon. He'd seen the messenger ride in earlier that day with the telegram while he'd been brushing horses out in the corral and Duke had confided in him when he'd asked if he'd brought news of Millie that she had indeed been found and they were on their way back with her.
It had been two, long weeks now since she'd disappeared and in an attempt to find out what was happening, he'd kept his ear to the ground. Of course he couldn't let anyone know his feelings for her, that wouldn't be proper and he needed to keep it under wraps, especially knowing what Nick's opinion would be on the matter if he caught wind of it. No, he'd have to be content to admire and love her from a distance. She was out of his league, he knew that but it still didn't change how he felt about her.
If the only thing he could do for her was to find the doctor, then he would do everything he could to do so.
The first place he'd made tracks for was Stockton to find out when the doctor had been last seen. He hadn't stayed to wait for Duke to assign groups and areas to search, he worked better on his own. His horse had been ridden to a lather on the way in and he'd stopped by the livery first to hire a fresh horse before starting to ask around town. It hadn't taken him long at all to find out where he was headed and before long, he was on the trail.
He followed the lead he'd been given to a ranch on the east side of town, finding that he had already been and gone. The woman he spoke to mentioned where the doctor planned on going next but when he'd arrived there, he found he'd already moved on too. Another lead to follow was given to him but upon going to the third place just on nightfall, he found that the doctor hadn't been there yet. Mrs. Winters, an old widow who lived on her own, had been expecting him to bring by her medicine but he hadn't shown up. Seeing that it was late, she offered him a room for the night but he'd politely turned her down and continued on his way. He had to find him.
He rode on into the night, a quarter moon giving the only light to see by and as the hour wore on and clouds began to gather, it began to get too dangerous for him to continue on. Having no other choice he had to stop and make camp for the night, his thoughts to keep him awake as he waited for dawn to arrive. He hoped that maybe one of the others had had better luck, that maybe they'd found Doctor Merar and he was already with Millie but there was no way of knowing for sure. With a handful of jerky to gnaw away at to keep the wolf in his stomach at bay he began to pray. His Mama had raised him well, he'd gone to church every Sunday with her as a boy but it had been some time since he'd had a long conversation with God. Now though, without anything else he could do to help her, he prayed.
Unbeknownst to him, while he was praying in open prairie miles from the ranch, Eugene was in the middle of operating on her.
Sometime between then and dawn he'd found a couple hours of sleep, the birds waking him as the sun began to rise. Breaking camp was easy enough, a simple matter of stamping out the coals left of the campfire, rolling up his bedroll and tacking up the horse tethered nearby. Still praying, he set his direction back to the doctor's last known location in an attempt to find the trail.
As he worked on retracing the doctor's movements, he met with one of the other ranch hands and to his dismay, the news that the doctor still hadn't been found. The hand couldn't tell him anything else other than that Duke had sent him out along with an extra four in addition to the men who'd volunteered the day before. Doctor Merar hadn't gone back to town either and no one had seen him since midday yesterday. His whereabouts remained a mystery but one that Jack was doggedly intent on solving as the two men parted ways.
Riding along back in the direction of Mrs. Winter's place, he noted there were a number of other roads branching off from the main road that the doctor could have taken. Given that he'd had no luck so far, he turned his horse down the first one. It arrived at another ranch but the folks there hadn't seen him and he headed back to the main road, taking the next.
Hours slowly slipped by, noon approaching before his luck finally changed. Up ahead, in the distance, appeared to be a horse and buggy on the side of the road. Spurring his horse into a faster canter, as he neared it, he recognized it to be the doctor's buggy. A moment later, the doctor appeared and waved him down, Jack slowing his horse to a halt just off the road. "Run into a bit of trouble have ya Doc?" He questioned, seeing the wheel of the buggy lying on the ground, the axle of the two-wheeled buggy sitting in the dirt.
"Yes, you might say that." Thomas replied as the young man dismounted. "Hit that rut back there and off it came. I've been here for hours hoping someone would come by."
"Just as well I've been out lookin' for ya then." He took a moment to examine the damage, determining it was nothing too serious. "This'll just take a jiffy." Lifting the wheel up he motioned for him to grab hold of it and once the doctor had it, he lifted up the buggy so the wheel could be put back where it belonged. "Ya got the pin?"
He shook his head. "I've looked but it must have fallen out earlier on."
"No problem, I'll whittle one up. That'll have to do for now." A few steps away he found a suitable stick and taking his knife from his pocket, he began to shave it down to fit through the hole. "Ya a hard man to find Doc, half the ranch has been out lookin for ya. Ya needed at the Barkley's, they found Miss Millie." He tried poking the stick into the hole to find that not quite enough had been taken off yet. A moment more of wood shavings flying took care of the problem and then it was a fit, Jack tapping it into place with his knife. Testing the wheel, he stood. "It'll hold for now, take it easy like."
"Thank you. We'd best be on our way then."
As the doctor climbed into his buggy and started off, Jack returned to where he'd ground tied his horse and picking up the reins, he mounted and followed after him. He'd found the doctor, his job was done. Now he just hoped it wouldn't be too late.
The family was still asleep when Eugene and Jeannie quietly entered the room again to check on Matilda, his family having spent the remainder of the night camped out in the dining room with her. Victoria lay on a cot that had been brought in and placed to the side for her, Audra had curled up on the floor next to Nick who'd been sitting with her while Heath occupied the other bedroll that had been laid out. Beside Matilda, Jarrod had fallen asleep in his chair, his head resting on his arm while his hand still held on to hers.
None of them stirred as they entered, Eugene setting to work assessing Matilda's condition with Jeannie's assistance. Taking hold of her wrist to feel for a pulse he timed it with his watch, a frown forming on his forehead. It was much too fast for his liking and weaker then he'd hoped to find it. Placing her arm back beneath the covers he took note of her breathing, also finding it to be fast and shallower than it should be. He'd hoped she would have shown some kind of slight improvement by now but she hadn't. As far as he knew, she hadn't woken yet, another fact that concerned him greatly. She should have stirred by now.
"Any improvement?" Jeannie whispered as he slipped a thermometer between her lips to check her temperature.
Eugene shook his head. "Not yet." He paused for a moment. "I'd hoped her condition would have stabilized by now." He waited, timing the thermometer and when he removed it, his heart sank as he saw the reading. 102. Her fever had gone up a degree from earlier. They needed to bring her fever down. Going to re-wet the dried cloth on her forehead he realized the basin was empty. "Can you go get some more water?"
"Of course. I'll be right back." Picking up the basin, she left.
Turning back to Matilda, Eugene thought over his options and wished again that he wasn't in this predicament. The weight of the responsibility that had been placed on him was heavy on his shoulders. He knew what needed to be done but undertaking it was something else entirely. Where was Doctor Merar? Why hadn't he arrived yet? It was just after eight in the morning now, whatever could be keeping him this long? He knew he'd feel a lot better about this whole scenario once he was able to hand it off to a doctor more experienced than him. Even with Jeannie's talk from earlier still in his mind, he couldn't help but second guess himself.
What if he'd done something wrong?
What if he made a wrong decision?
Forcing himself to ignore his doubts, he focused on the facts in front of him. Matilda had lost a lot of blood and that was weakening her. The blood loss, combined with the infection from the gunshot wound was taking its toll on her. While he was doing everything he could to combat the infection, having taken care of that wound and the others on her back before he'd operated on her, there was nothing more he could do there apart from trying to get her fever down.
Think Gene. If she wasn't Heath's sister and just any other patient, what would you do?
The answer to that was simple enough; she'd lost a lot of blood and being given a blood transfusion would help to replace it, possibly giving her a better chance at surviving too. With that however, came other complications. Her body might refuse the transfusion, sometimes they didn't work and there was no explanation yet as to why they didn't. Other doctors in the field were trying to determine the reason why blood transfusions sometimes failed and they had come up with some theories but no solid evidence had been brought to light so far.
It slowly dawned on him that he had to stop thinking of her as being Heath's sister and just treat her like any other patient he might encounter. Thinking about the fact that she was family was making him doubt himself, making him question what he knew. If she were anyone else, given her current condition, he'd recommend a blood transfusion without a second thought. It was just the fact she was Heath's sister that made him stop and do a double take. What if it was the wrong decision?
But what if it was the right decision and he didn't do it because it could be the wrong one?
While Eugene was at war within himself in his thoughts, Jarrod woke. As he sat up, his neck and shoulders protesting from the position he'd fallen asleep in, he saw his younger brother standing across the table from him, staring down at Matilda. "Eugene…" He started softly, his brother turning to him after a moment. "How is she doing?"
"She's not good Jarrod, I'd hoped by now she'd have shown a little improvement but she's not."
Wearily he rubbed his neck then clasped her hand in between both of his own. "Is there anything else you can do?"
"I think we should try giving her a blood transfusion."
"Aren't transfusions risky though?" Jarrod questioned, turning to him.
"They can be, sometimes the body will refuse the blood and we don't know why or what we can do to help prevent it."
"But if it was to work, it'll give her a greater chance of pulling through." His younger brother nodded and he looked back down at Matilda. "Then let's try. You'll need someone to give blood, I'll do it."
"I appreciate the offer Jarrod but shouldn't we ask Heath first if he wants to be the one to do it? He's her brother after all."
Jarrod looked over at Heath, their brother still sleeping soundly. The toll that all this was taking on him was clearly visible and he was worried for him. No. Heath didn't need the added strain of giving blood on top of everything else. "I think it's better we leave him to get some rest, he's worn himself out. Knowing he's her brother doesn't change anything in the eyes of the law. As it stands at the moment, legally I'm still her guardian as you reminded me last night. I'm the one to determine what's best for her."
"Well, if you're sure…" His voice trailed off with hesitation.
"I'm sure Gene."
"Alright, it'll just take me a moment to get ready."
Jarrod nodded and turned back to Matilda as Jeannie quietly entered the room carrying a basin of water. Setting the basin down on the other table nearby she dipped the cloth in the water and after wringing it out, laid it across the girl's feverish forehead.
"Is there something else you'd like me to do?" She questioned Eugene softly once she'd completed the task she'd been assigned.
"We're going to give Matilda a blood transfusion." He replied as he drew out the instruments he needed for the transfusion from their case. It was just as well that he'd had the foresight to stop by Doctor Merar's office the day before to gather extra items in the event they were needed. "I'll need you to assist."
"Of course." Jeannie agreed without hesitation.
Within a few minutes Eugene was ready and moved around to Jarrod's side of the table. His older brother rolled up his sleeve and he cleaned his arm in preparation for the transfusion as Jeannie took care of preparing Matilda. Once they were both ready, Eugene could start the transfusion. His brother flinched a little as he carefully inserted the needle into the vein, tying it in place with a strip of clean cloth. "Keep your arm still." He cautioned, his brother resting his arm on the table. "If you start feeling faint, let me know."
Jarrod nodded, watching as Eugene then inserted the needle at the opposite end of the tubing into Matilda's arm. There was no response from her, she didn't stir or flinch at all when the needle went in. As he'd done with him, Eugene also tied another strip of cloth around her arm to hold it in place. "Eugene, what chance does she really have?" He asked after a minute or two.
"I don't know." He replied honestly as he checked to ensure that the transfusion was going smoothly. "If the transfusion is a success then we can focus on getting her fever down and the infection under control."
"How long until we know if it's worked or not?"
"If her body rejects it, we'll know within a few hours. If by nightfall she hasn't shown any signs then we'll know it's worked."
Silence fell again, Jarrod looking up at Matilda as his blood flowed through the tube into her veins. Apart from the varying shades of bruising, her face was still devoid of color and seeing those bruises, he had to force down the feelings of anger welling up in his stomach. All things considered, Cade Alton had been lucky to have gotten off as lightly as he'd had. Thinking about the man who'd subjected his little angel to such cruelty, he wondered how he was enjoying being subjected to a taste of his own medicine. He hadn't yet sent a telegram to the Sheriff of Alder to inform him of his whereabouts, he'd been preoccupied with getting Matilda home to give him a second thought. Part of him was tempted to just leave him there and not send the Sheriff his location but he knew in good conscience, he couldn't go through with it even if he did want to. No. As much as he hated to, he'd have to leave the law to take care of him.
"Alright, that just about does it."
His brother interrupted his thoughts and he realized that the transfusion was finished. "Will this be enough?"
"For now, yes. There's nothing more we can do but wait." Eugene replied as he removed the needle from Jarrod first. "She may need a second transfusion and that means I want you resting up and eating well, in case you need to give blood again. How do you feel?"
How did he feel? "Slightly lightheaded but I'll be alright."
"That's to be expected. I want you to take it easy for the next few hours, I don't need a second patient to deal with."
"I don't intend on moving from this chair anytime soon. Not at least till she wakes up." Jarrod paused for a moment. "How long until she wakes?"
"It's hard to say. Right now rest is the best thing for her."
He nodded his understanding. "Eugene… Thank you… For everything you're doing for her and I'm proud of you."
Eugene smiled a little at his older brother and placed his hand on his shoulder. "Rest assured Pappy I'm doing everything I can to pull her through."
