FINALLY ... the moment youve been waiting for :D - enjoy.
"I don't want to step on your toes, but I listened to Sarah's chest just before," Olivia told Trevor as he waited for her to pack her things up, "and when I had her breathe in and out, I heard a little wetness in her lungs, did you hear that today?"
"No, they sounded dry earlier, she's on the mend, did she need to have a bit of a cough? Sometimes if she's ignoring her cough there's a bit of a crackle," he informed her.
"No, it wasn't a crackle," she told him carefully, "it was mucus," she added, afraid that he'd get mad at her. She stuffed a book in to her handbag. He didn't say anything for a second, thinking about it. She turned to face him, "sorry, I shouldn't have meddled, she's your patient, I'll mind my business."
A smile spread across his mouth "Olivia, if she has wet lungs, I want to know about it, it's possible that I was a little hasty when I listened to her, I would rather someone tell me than me send her off with a fluid build up. I'll have a second listen before we go if that's okay." He paused and and watched her nod slow. "You're allowed to tell me if you think I'm wrong, Liv, I don't ever want you to be worried that I'm gonna have an ego trip."
"I know, but listening to Sarah's lungs probably wasn't really my job, I think I just got ahead of myself."
"Olivia, stop it. I like that you're my second set of eyes. If you ever come up with something and I don't agree, I'd seek a third opinion. I'm not putting patients in jeopardy with either my or your stubbornness or need to be right ever, it's totally fine that you did that. I'll take another listen and even if I don't hear it, I'll send her for an X-ray… you did the right thing."
She sighed, he realised she was stressed. "I have to go downstairs. I was supposed to see one of the heart patients before I left." She paused, "I was thinking, can I meet you at your place? Or could you pick me up? I want to go home and get changed out of my scrubs and have a quick rinse before we go on our date."
"Of course. Are you still excited or… do you feel too tired?," he asked, giving her an out.
"No, I definitely want to go on our date," she told him sincerely, "I just really need a shower and to scrub the day off of me and have a reset so when you and I hang out, you're not getting a shitty version of me."
"Well, I never feel like any version of you is shitty, but I understand. So, how about you go home and you do what you need to do and I'll swing past and pick you up at 7:30? How does that sound?"
"I knew that I liked you for a reason," she gave him her best smile despite how awful she felt under the facade. "I'll see you then."
"I'm gonna take a look at Sarah and then I'm heading out too. Get home safe, okay?"
"I will," she gave him a little wave as they slowly made their way out of her office and in to the hall. She walked past the nurses station and stopped briefly to sign off on a few things.
"Are you doing okay, Liv?" Meaghan asked her kindly.
"Oh, yeah, I was feeling a bit off all morning, I think my first coffee didn't sit right with me," she made a face, "but I'm feeling much better, I just need to go home and have a big sleep."
"Okay, well you have a good weekend, you deserve it."
"Thank you, you have a great weekend too," she put the pen down and headed back downstairs to cardio.
/
Olivia walked in to Danica's room with a little knock and found a young teen boy sitting beside her bed, both of them huddled over the hospital table with a little container of beads, threading them and making bracelets.
"Hello there," she smiled at them both.
"Hi Dr. Benson," Danica smiled back. The young man looked a little bewildered as if he was concerned that Olivia would ask him to leave.
"Sorry to interrupt you both," Liv apologised, "I was just on my way out for the day and I thought I'd check in to see how the medication is going."
"Its okay," Dani shrugged, "Dr. Benson, this is Matt, my … my friend."
"Hi Matt," Olivia greeted him, "nice to meet you. Danica told me a little about you this morning, you made her the gorgeous bracelet."
The boy blushed. "Nice to meet you too, Dr. Benson," he smiled shyly.
"Are you guys making friendship bracelets?," she asked.
"Uhuh, Matt bought me a ticket to see Taylor Swift for my birthday— his older sister is taking us."
"Oh!" Olivia exclaimed, "that's so exciting, are you a Swiftie?," she winked.
"The biggest," she replied. "Matt even likes her too, right, Matt?"
"Yeah, she's cool," he answered and Olivia knew immediately that he had no interest in Taylor Swift, but he was interested very much in the gorgeous girl who sat by him in the bed.
"We-llll I won't take up much of your time, but do you think for about three minutes we could press pause on the beads so I can check you over?"
"Yeah of course."
"I can go and get you a soda or something to eat," Matt opted.
"It's okay," Danica replied, "it's not private, is it Dr. Benson?," she asked.
"Nah, not unless you want some privacy," she replied. She pulled her stethoscope out and put it around her neck. "I'll just have a listen to your heart and I'll check your oxygen and a couple of other things."
Danica smiled, "Sorry if this is rude, but I'm glad you're back. I like Dr. Carisi but it's nicer to have a female doctor. I've never had a female cardiologist before."
"Well, that's certainly lovely to hear, I'm sure Dr. Carisi would understand," Olivia replied as she warmed up the disk of her stethoscope. She put it against the teen's back and listened for a moment. Everyone in the room fell silent and waited for her to finish.
Eventually Olivia pulled away. She took her pulse and went through the routine stuff first. She grabbed the oxygen meter, making sure it was plugged in. She turned it in took the peg out; Danica knew what was expected, she laid her hand out for Olivia who put the prong on her pointer and laid her hand flat against the mattress.
"How do you feel within yourself?," she wondered. "Out of ten, remember this morning was a 5. I need you to be really honest with me."
"Probably still a five. I'm just physically exhausted."
"Okay, we might get some bloods done tonight and while I'm not here over the weekend, I'll ask the lab to call me if there's anything that needs addressing in the results. You look quite well though."
"Good," Danica replied. Olivia looked at the screen and saw her oxygen just teetering on the edge of low.
"I think that I'll order a walk test for tomorrow for you and we'll do another one on monday to check out your improvements."
"Oh, so I won't be going home before monday…" her voice trailed off with disappointment. A frown replaced her relaxed expression.
"Sweetheart, sometimes the medication takes a few days to start working. I know it sucks to be here. We need to make sure you're well enough for that big concert, you can't miss that."
"I know…" she sighed. "I just wish I was at school."
"You're not missing much, Dan," Matt interjected, "you're in the right place if you're unwell, at least you have lots of good doctors taking care of you. We'll all continue to visit and hang out."
"See," Liv smiled, "you have a lot of lovely friends and support and we all just want you to get better so it'll take time."
"I know," she agreed.
"Why don't I pencil some time in on Monday to come and have a hang out with you for about an hour and we can talk and maybe do something fun that'll take your mind off all this sick stuff?"
"Okay," Danica smiled. "That would be nice."
"Sounds good, well— I'm gonna leave you both back to your friendship bracelets. Have a think if there's anything you want to do on Monday — we can do an art thing or some games, or if you're planning on making hundreds of bracelets for your concert, we can even just do that."
"Okay Dr. Benson. Thanks."
"You can call me Olivia or Liv, I like things to be super casual with my patients." Liv flashed her a smile.
"Bye Liv," Danica smiled right back.
"Bye sweetheart, bye Matt."
/
Olivia got inside and locked her front door and started stripping off all of her clothes as if the very fibres of them were burning at her skin. She felt the feeling of agitation settling in as she made her way to the bathroom to shower; washing off Rafael's comments and the implication that Franklin Bancroft somehow made her more successful.
And the very truth of it was what wilted her soul the most;
He was right.
It felt as though she would never be able to stand on her own without carrying the weight of Franklin upon her shoulders; that given he was responsible in some part for her skill, that he would always be imprinted upon her bones in a way that could never be erased.
It felt like a lifetime ago, but somehow his part in her life had stained her and she could still smell him and feel him against her like it was yesterday.
She could barely stand to hear his name and the stupidity of the phrase she had heard so much; you worked under Franklin Bancroft.
And again; it was true, both figuratively and literally and she couldn't get over it no matter how hard she tried. She could never walk away from him because his name was tattooed on to her career for as far forward as she could foresee it.
She had thought about coming clean with Sonny, that she wished not to hear his name for personal reasons, but she couldn't. She couldn't admit it out loud to anyone, but she still feared that man that was probably too old to do much but speak ill of her and that was enough to kill her career.
She tried to wash away her feelings in the shower but it was proving to be difficult. She washed her face and tried to get rid of as many tears as she could so that she would feel refreshed for the date.
She got out of the shower and put some adhesive cooling pads beneath her eyes to get rid of the crying stains. She took her hair out of the shower cap and brushed it all back, sweeping it up in to a high ponytail. She stared at herself for a moment and sighed.
She both loved and hated the woman that looked back at her. She felt sad for herself, sad for the load she was always pushing up hill and trying to mask from others.
She went to work lining her eyes with a dark pencil before giving herself a smokey shadow. She went back to her bedroom and went through her closet, looking for a comfortable but sexy dress. She took a bunch of options out but nothing was taking her fancy. She picked up her phone and sent a text to Trevor.
Hey… having an issue picking what to wear. How much should I dress up or dress down?
She put her underwear on, choosing a red lingerie set just in case.
A few moments passed before Trevor responded. Hi :) you don't have to go super fancy, what you wore when we went out with Christian a little while back was really nice and you always look ready to go somewhere upscale in the outfits you wear to work — but if you want to go a little more casual, that's totally fine.
She finally smiled, liking that he took notice of her outfits at work. If she was honest, sometimes she wore dresses that he remarked that he liked.
She looked back at the dresses again and chose a black one. She couldn't go wrong with black. It was a form fitting dress that hemmed just above her knees and despite it being fitting, it had some give to it and was very comfortable to wear.
She put the others away and looked around her apartment to make sure everything was clean. She picked up her dirty scrubs and put them in her laundry basket. She checked herself out in the mirror as she put on a pair of black pumps. She sent one more text to Trevor, making her way to the kitchen.
She opened her fridge and pulled out the bottle of wine from the night before and poured herself a glass. I'm ready when you are. Let me know when you're close by and I'll come down and meet you, save you looking for a park.
She sat on the stool by the kitchen and counter and scrolled through her phone, glancing at appointments and reports as she sipped her wine, hating that she felt so down in the dumps when such a gorgeous man was going to turn up shortly to pick her up for what he promised would be a fun, romantic if only slightly cheesy, date.
She saw an email from Rafael Barba that had only been sent around 15 or 20 minutes earlier. She wasn't sure if she wanted to open it but curiosity got the best of her.
Hi Dr Benson,
I am writing to touch base with you regarding our earlier conversation with Professor Carisi. It was rude of me to question your judgment or your medical skill and credentials based solely upon the fact that you had taken time out of your surgical career to focus on therapy based medical training. It was also unkind of me to only acknowledge any redeemable success because of who advised your surgical training. You were right, I will concede that in order to have been chosen, your skill and abilities must have been exemplary and stand-out. I apologise if my demeanour and attitude appeared fraught with disrespect, but I have seen a lot of surgeons and specialists come and go like a revolving door and it is hard for me to assemble a trustworthy team that isn't going anywhere.
I hope that going forward we can have a more amiable working relationship. I would be curious to pick your brain on certain medical complications that I am working on with some of my little patients.
Kind regards,
Rafael.
She felt surprised and also a little annoyed. She took a long sip of her wine and hit the reply button.
Professor Barba,
Apology accepted. Please know there are many reasons one might require a break from a certain field — you don't know me or anything about me so it would be remiss to judge me or question my skills and education.
I'll look forward to you being a little more pleasant in our dealings as I have no interest in proving myself to anyone except my own department head and I have zero interest in taking part of surgical/specialty politics. It's not becoming; for anyone.
Kind regards,
Dr. Benson.
Olivia stared at the email for a few moments, sipping her wine, wanting it to hurry up and hit so that she could relax a little; so that the anxiousness that made her knee bounce would show her some reprieve.
"Fuck it," she muttered and hit send.
She swallowed the rest of what was in her glass of wine and realised she could barely contain how hungry she felt. She still hadn't managed to get to her lunch and refused to eat the granola bar someone offered her on the way out; she didn't want to get it caught in her teeth.
The wine had already gone to her head. She was tired too, that didn't help.
She was relieved finally when Trevor messaged letting her know he was close by. She applied some lipstick and went downstairs to meet him.
Trevor had double parked by the curb but was standing by the hood of his car, leaning against it holding a small but pretty bunch of flowers. He looked gorgeous, he wore a pair of grey dress pants and a stark white button down top with a matching grey suit jacket. She had not expected him to be that dressed up and felt so glad that she had opted for the black dress. He wore a pair of dark black sunglasses to shield very late afternoon sun — what was left of it anyway. She couldn't help but grin at him.
He really was a sight.
"You look beautiful," he murmured as she closed the distance between them. He stood up straight and took a step toward her, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She was tempted to turn and catch his lips, but she wanted to play things his way, for whatever purpose, it meant a lot to him to put the work in even though she knew she was putty in his hand.
"These are for you, I know you like plants, but I wasn't quite sure about flowers."
"I love flowers, are you kidding? Thank you!" She leaned forward on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek. She smelled the bouquet and smiled. "That was really thoughtful, thanks…"
"You're welcome, it's nice to see you smile," he remarked. "And, might I say, that dress looks stunning, you really are a smoke show Olivia benson."
She chuckled. "Thank you."
He turned and placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her to his car and opened the door for her. "C'mon, let's get going. Are you hungry?," he wondered.
"Absolutely starving to be completely honest," Olivia replied. "I never did get to my lunch."
"Oh, Liv… well, lucky I'm taking you to somewhere where there's no limit on how much food you eat," he winked.
"What? An all-you-can-eat 2-for-1 buffet?," she shot back jokingly.
Trevor laughed as he closed the passenger door gently and circled the car to get in to the driver's side. He got in and put his safety belt on and turned the car on. "I guess I just thought," he told her as he waited for the cooler so that he could adjust the settings and turn his radio down, "that since you said you'd never been on an official date, I could go cheap and you wouldn't know the difference."
He remained dead pan until she back handed him gently in the arm. He laughed. "I'm kidding, obviously. I'm taking you to a really nice place."
"I'm looking forward to it."
Trevor reversed out of the spot and started heading toward the lower east side. "So, now that we're not at work, do you want to talk about how your day went?," he asked, trying to put to ease any nervousness he suddenly felt at the prospect of taking her out officially.
"I will talk to you about it, but maybe not right now, I kind of just managed to shake it all off and psych myself in to a better mood and I'm sure after some food I'll feel even better again," she thought for a moment, "actually, one nice thing happened this morning that made me feel pretty good," she told him.
"Yeah?," he slid his glasses back on and turned to her briefly with a little encouraging smile, "what was that?"
"I have three patients who are under cardiac care in the ward and one of them is a fifteen year old with suspected myopathy, there's a bit of a genetic history with it — but anyway, I have been doing the rounds before high-care shift and she was so sweet, we had a bit of a chat and she, like Sarah and Maisy just have this longing for normalcy, so I'm taking over from Sonny for now, I think and when I walked out of the room, I heard her whisper-talking to her Mom about how much she liked me and thought I was really nice and that she liked me better than Sonny and wanted me to be her doctor…" Olivia felt her own cheeks turn a rose hue as if she were embarrassed to be talking herself up even if it was just repeating something a patient had said. "And then her Mom hushed her but then she was like, "yeah, okay she was nice, we'll see."
Trevor was grinning and Olivia appreciated just how much joy he was able to derive from her wins. It was really not anything she'd ever experienced; someone caring so much about her that they appeared genuinely happy to hear about the positives— that it wasn't just fake pleasantness. "I'm not surprised, you're an incredible doctor, Olivia, those kids adore you and treat you like you're their friend and that says a lot, often they've lost their faith in us or they are very wary — but you make them feel safe and you never ever turn them away. I bet soon enough you might end up having to move down to cardio because your work is needed there."
"Mmmm, I'm still not sure about that. I like treating them for physical issues, I realised it's bleeding in to upstairs so I'll apologise in advance if I get my lines blurred and you need to tell me to back off, but… I'm still so unsure of myself."
"So maybe time is what you need to ease in to the role and get used to the changes and feel comfortable— like de-sensitising yourself to things that could be triggering," he suggested gently.
"Yeah, maybe it has to be that." She smelled her flowers again, grounding herself before any intrusive thoughts bled in, uninvited. "Tell me about you, did anything good happen today for you?"
"Yeah," he nodded, "I've felt a bit … lost for a little while if I'm honest, like I couldn't really connect with my patients but I realised it's because I took a step back when you came on the scene because you seemed to be much better at it, but-"
"Oh no," she murmured, "you are so good with the kids, Trev, they all love you. For everything you just said to me, you are also to them."
"I think sometimes its different because I'm a man — a tall foreboding one at that. I don't know, I just struggled but Sarah caught me off guard earlier and I sat with her and we had a little chat and I felt like, okay, yeah, I've got this."
"Good, because you do. I don't think being a man should matter. You're very gentle and you have a soft heart."
"If I'm honest, maybe it's been since we lost Evie, I've felt a little…" he shrugged, "maybe a little reluctant to get close to patients because losing Evie and Justin in such close proximity of time really hurt."
"Yeah, I understand that… I was really unprepared for quite how affected I was by the loss of Evie, but for me it made me want to work harder at curing these kids and if not curing, then doing my absolute best to help them enjoy themselves despite being unwell."
"Yeah," he smiled, "and that's what makes you a wonderful doctor. I think I need that kind of drive, it just kind of came back to me today and it felt really good rather than just going through the motions."
"Good," Olivia smiled, "but I wish that you'd have talked to me about that feeling. You shouldn't keep that stuff to yourself, I'm here for you, you know? Like, the way that you are for me, I'm here for you too." She placed her hand over his on the gearstick. They shared a lingering smile. She felt him lifting his hand, spreading his fingers, allowing hers to lock between his.
It felt nice, just that sweet bit of contact between them.
"Also, Sarah's lungs were a bit wet, you were right. I didn't hear it earlier. She was really upset but I ordered a physio to come down and help her cough it all up with some light back paddling… poor kid."
"Yeah, she really wants to be well. Also, Trevor did you know she and Maisy think that you and I are dating."
Trevor laughed, "well, they would be right after tonight, I hope…" he chuckled.
"Nooo but like, they've been giggling at my expense via text and face-to-face and I have denied it once but now it just sounds like she who protests…"
He continued to laugh, "they think you can't resist old Dr Langan, huh?," he asked cheekily as he looked around for a car spot. He found one and pulled in - it was around a half a block from the restaurant. Olivia's heels were quite high, giving her some height against him so he didn't want her to walk too far.
"Oh, we're here?"
"We are here," Trevor smiled as he got out of the car. "Here, let me take your flowers, I'll lay them carefully on the backseat."
She handed them over and just as she was about to get out of the car, he was around at her passenger side, opening the door and helping her out. She loved his chivalry. He took her hand and held her weight as she stood straight, adjusting her dress and slinging her handbag over her shoulder. "Where are we headed?," she wondered.
Trevor pointed just up the street a little further. "It's just up here. It's something a bit different. Have you ever had Korean BBQ?"
"Oooh where the BBQ is in the table and you help yourself to all the meat and seafood and vegetables from the buffet?"
"Yep! I did some research and this one has flawless reviews for freshness of ingredients and good food rotation, that's what you want in a buffet. No hands-on stuff. I believe you point to what you want and there's staff that put it on your plate —and there's a food wastage surcharge which for some reason, I love."
Olivia laughed at how animated he got, excited to take her there. She was excited too, she couldn't wait to eat and she was a little partial to Korean liquor like Soju. Even though he had let go of her hand when they began to walk, Olivia took the liberty of threading her arm through his. He didn't mind at all, he smiled, enjoying their close proximity.
When they arrived at the entrance, Trevor took her hand and held it tightly in his as he opened the door, motioning for her to go through first. She led him in until they met with the maitre de. Trevor gave his name for their reservation and they were shown to a reasonable sized toward the back of the restaurant.
"Is this okay?" Trevor asked as he pulled out a chair for her.
"Yeah, it's perfect, thank you." She felt strangely nervous — having never been on an official date, it was almost as though she wasn't sure how to act, feeling suddenly very self aware. And maybe, she considered, he was nervous too. There was a little air of awkwardness between them that neither had noticed before.
Once comfortable Trevor handed her the drinks menu and glanced at his own silently for a second. "So, would you like wine or a cocktail or some beer?"
"Uh…" she scanned the menu items. "I think I'd like to try a strawberry soju cocktail."
"I might try the Soju Caipirinha," he replied before placing the menu down. She put hers down too.
"Trev, why do I suddenly feel nervous and awkward?," she asked, laughing in spite of herself.
He chuckled. "I am too, actually," he rolled his shoulders, "I guess I just want to make you feel special and you said this is your first real date so pressure is on me to make sure it's a stand out performance."
They both were able to laugh.
"No, but I'd prefer there not be any pressure on you, I'd just prefer us to be normal with each other… but don't get me wrong, I'm liking the opening of the doors and the pulling out of the chairs," she gave him a cheeky grin, "and the flowers were beautiful too, thank you again."
Trevor beamed back at her, "you're welcome."
"You must have been the best at dating when you were in high school or college."
"Nah, I got stood up, remember?," he reminded her about his cousin's story about how he had spent money on an expensive suit and bought flowers and planned an expensive date for the popular girl at school who never showed.
"Bitch," Olivia muttered with an edge of seriousness. "I still think that is absolutely one of the cruelest things someone could do to another person, it makes me angry."
Trevor laughed, "its okay Liv, I didn't get a complex over it, I just realised that there were certain girls that I felt like I was punching above my weight for, but in retrospect, I would have been dating down."
"That's spot on… still, little bitch."
They both laughed.
A waitress approached to take their drink orders and explained how the buffet would work and how to work the barbecue burner in the middle of their table. They ordered their drinks and got up to browse the food. The food assistant showed grabbed a plate and they chose some vegetables, some wagyu beef and some lobster and shrimp.
"This looks delicious…" Trevor remarked as the food assistant handed them the two separate plates.
"Mmm I cant wait to eat," Olivia murmured as they sat down. Trevor turned the burner on.
"Okay, what would you like first? Would you like to do a hot pot or just straight up barbecue?"
"Mmmm let's do the barbecue," she shrugged.
He laid two pieces of steak down upon the grill and Olivia lit the hot pot side, pouring the water in to the pot so she could cook down the vegetables to soften them. "We could just give them a light boil and then put them on the grill when theyre softer, right?"
He smiled and nodded, "Yeah, sounds good."
"Raw meat has never looked so good," she joked.
Trevor laughed.
They cooked their meat and vegetables together and chatted casually about work. Trevor took his plate and loaded it with some of the steak and vegetables. He passed the plate to Olivia, "here you are…"
"Oh," she smiled, "thanks," she gave him the plate in front of her, swapping so he could load up a plate for himself.
Olivia took a bite of the the steak after putting a little dressing on it. "Oh my gosh…" she murmured sounding almost euphoric that Trevor tried not to stare at the pure elation spreading across her face as she tipped her head back slightly with a smile. "That steak is amazing," she murmured.
Trevor smiled watching her take another bite; this time loading some vegetables on to her fork as he placed the lobster meat on the barbecue. "Sorry, I should have waited for you," she apologised looking a little guilty.
"Don't be silly, go right ahead, you've haven't eaten all day. Eat up," he replied sweetly.
Olivia went ahead and watched him start to eat too. It felt good to immediately put something in her stomach. After a few mouthfuls and having him lean over to place some lobster on her plate, she was able to relax a little and wash down what she'd eaten so far with the Soju cocktail.
"Good?"
"Yeah, it's amazing, I mean, crackers would have tasted amazing too, but this steak is really beautiful and a credit to the chef," she smiled as he deftly turned the next piece of steak with his chopsticks. "So have you heard from Christian since he went home? I really liked him."
"Yeah," Trevor nodded, "he really liked you too! He wants to come visit again soon and asked me to invite you out again. He's a little too stuck in partying mentality for my liking and although he'd never tell me, I think he doesn't mind taking a recreational drug or two."
Olivia made a face. She never did understand recreational drugs — she'd done cocaine once at a party in early days of med school before she buckled down and got fully immersed in her subjects but she didn't enjoy it and it made her panic if nothing else. She did, however, self-medicate for awhile during her surgical residency with Franklin, but usually just for sleeping and she was certainly never going to admit swiping the odd opiate from the medical cupboard back when she was a resident to anyone including Trevor.
She could only justify that behaviour by what had happened to her and her way of dealing with having to wake up every day to go to work for Franklin.
"He's probably just gotta grow up a little, time will help," Olivia replied, "but he seems like a really sweet guy. Maybe you could talk to him about that stuff. He seems to really look up to you."
"Yeah, maybe," Trevor agreed. He loaded up his own plate and turned the burner off once all the meat was cooked. "I don't know, I tend to keep up this wall between me and all of my family; I don't even think it's intentional, I do love my cousin and I'll always keep my eye out for him and I'm protective of him but maybe irrationally, I just think that everyone in that family that I care about leaves me so it's easier to just…" he paused, looking for the right words.
"Leave them first?"
He smiled weakly, pushing around his food with the chopsticks, "yeah, maybe that."
"That's a normal response when you have some abandonment issues and not to psych you, but given what you went through with your brother and your parents heave-hoe-ing you off to your aunts, I'm not that surprised."
"And then Johanna passing…"
"Yeah, that too. A marriage ending, all of that compounds," Olivia added. "I get it, there's probably a little of that that goes on with me too."
He appreciated her very much, he thought to himself as he looked across the table at her beautiful face — she was just so easy to talk to. The things that he usually kept to himself were the things he was so open about with her. "You know what? You're so kind and open and easy to talk to, Liv… before we met I hadn't ever told anyone about my brother except Justin, and that was only so brief, just to let him know he had an ally. I told you all about that the second time we hung out and I didn't feel weird about sharing it—" he paused, "it's always been so awful and hard to try to talk about."
A slow smile crept across her mouth. She slowly put her utensils down and reached over to touch his wrist. "That's actually really sweet, Trevor, and I'm glad you can be comfortable enough to be open with me, that means a lot. I want you to feel safe with me. I feel very safe with you and sometimes I have to be careful to not look at you as first-aid when I'm feeling bad or angry or mentally unwell because I don't want to dump on you."
"Yeah, but when you have a safe person, Liv, that's the point. I feel safe sharing with you and you feel safe to tell me things too and it's always without judgment. You could feel as embarrassed as all get-out about anything and I can promise you that you never need to feel like that."
"Thanks," she replied. "It's good having you in my life. You're like my life champion," she chuckled.
Trevor flushed, "I will always cheer you on Benson, and I pushed so hard to get you inspired to go back to cardiac practice because I felt from all of our conversations that it's what you truly wanted but you were maybe a little scared…"
"But I do love psychology…" her voice trailed as she concentrated more on her drink.
"I know that but this past month or so, there's just a different air about you — your confidence has shifted and this… I don't know," he smiled and shrugged, "you're just different — happier, a sense of accomplishment every single day when I see you and it really just makes me feel happy for you."
She couldn't help but to smile goofily. She gave a content sigh and gazed at him, taken by his beautiful eyes sweeping all over her face. "I don't know what that is, maybe I do feel more purposeful. I am very aware that I'm falling short in high-care and I desperately don't want to let anyone down."
"I know, but you havent let me down. I'd rather see you flourish doing what you most love than doing something that you like just enough."
"Thanks Trevor… I hope you know that I want all those things for you too, I want you to be happy and it really makes me happy when I see you smile or when good things happen for you."
"Thank you," he replied.
"I've just never had this, you know? This kind of relationship or friendship or whatever with someone where there's no ulterior motive and it's been …" she thought about it, "it's been quite something to try to get my head around and to not always be suspicious if I let my brain get too loud about it."
"That's why I really wanted to take things slowly with you, I didn't want you to think that it's all just a means to an end because it's not. We've been open with our feelings in the past and I think you were spooked by how strong I came on and I am really sorry for that and I feel that in a way I may have obliged things with you that I shouldn't have and that's really on me for my poor self-discipline-"
"No," she shook her head quickly, "no, no, if you're referring to us sleeping together twice, Trevor, then that's not on you. You actually said no to me first if you remember and I insisted and I didn't give you a great lot of choice but to oblige me I definitely don't need you to feel bad about that. It was what I wanted and I really don't regret it."
He wanted to say that he didn't regret it too, and he didn't regret it exactly but maybe he regretted not waiting until things were official. "I get that, but… maybe we should have waited and if my self-discipline was better, I would have said no and would have insisted that we wait until you weren't an emotional mess after losing a patient and I wasn't sure how to do deal with that grief so went with it to forget— but that aside, Olivia, I really want you to know that I don't want to fuck this up…"
She nodded, holding his gaze, caressing the inside of his wrist. "I want to take it slow because I don't want to spook you, I don't want your brain to get loud and intrude upon you and make you think I'm not acting in what I think is your best interests— I want you to feel and know that if we have sex again it's not a means to an end, it's because I love you and want you to feel that I love you when we do it."
She chuckled out of raw bashfulness, "Wow, you're a good one… I hope you know that I've honestly never fully trusted a man in my life; but I do trust you. I trust you unconditionally," she looked down at her hand brushing along the skin that peeked out from the cuff of his shirt, "I think that you're the most sincere person I've ever met and I desperately don't want to be proven anything other."
"You definitely don't need to worry about that." He finally moved his arm that he had been keeping very still, enjoying the softness of her affection. He grabbed for her hand and laced his fingers through hers and smiled. "You really look beautiful, I know I said it before, but I just wanted to tell you again…"
Olivia's cheeks turned a warm hue of rose. "Thank you, you look incredibly handsome."
He smiled as he picked up the metal chopsticks and worked back on his food. Olivia gave his hand a squeeze and let go, picking up her drink and downing some of it. She finished up the rest of the food on her plate and opted to go and pick a few more things for them both.
/
"So what now?" Olivia asked him, "are we headed home?"
He glanced at her and grinned as he took her hand. "No, are you kidding the night is so young…" he paused, "unless you're tired and want to go home, I'd entirely understand."
"Nope," she maintained eye contact and beamed at him, shaking her head, "I want to hang out with you for as long as I can." He stopped, unable to hold off, they stood on the edge of the curb, headed back to the car.
"What?," she asked as he stared back at her, smiling adoringly. He let go of her hand and slid an arm around her waist, lifting a hand to her cheek, cupping in his huge palm. She couldn't wipe the smile off her face. She knew he was about to kiss her and she was waiting for it.
"I'm going to kiss you. Is that okay?," he asked softly, taken by just how pretty sure was, just how her smile sparkled and made him feel the kind of weak that he had never really felt before.
"Uhuh." No man had ever asked for her consent and that made her feel just a little deeper for him.
She enjoyed the feel of his arm around her waist, pulling her flush against his body as his lips aligned with hers. She let her eyes fall shut as she felt his mouth upon hers, soft and lingering at first but guiding her mouth open so that he could taste the tip of her tongue. It sent her nerve endings in to an immediate tingle and goosebumps rose upon the surface of her skin as his thumb brushed her soft flesh.
"Mmmm," she murmured in to his mouth as he passionately kissed her, his hold was firm and possessive in a way that didn't make her feel trapped, but instead she yielded to him, the electricity that passed through them was like a current that she was unable to ignore- she wanted more of him. She tasted his tongue, following his lead, wrapping her arms around him, letting her hands travel slow up along his firm, muscular back to his broad shoulders where they rested as he began to ease the kiss until he pulled away, staring wantonly in to her eyes.
She couldn't help but to smile at him. He certainly desired her, he knew it was showing upon his face, he couldn't even begin to hide it. He brushed her lower lip with his thumb, wiping away a tiny smear of the trace of their kiss away. He couldn't help it, he leaned in and kissed her again and again and again before pulling away again, but this time for good.
"That was a good kiss…" she spoke, biting her bottom lip slightly, as if trying to stop herself from leaning back in to him. He let his hand slid down to her shoulder. "Just good?"
"Mmm," she smiled, "as far as first dates go, it was definitely right up there."
"Who knows," he teased, "you don't have much to compare with, so…"
"Your lucky day then, huh?," she grinned at him cheekily. He laughed, very aware of her hands that had settled upon his waist. He wished that they were alone in either apartment because he was desperate to lose some of their clothes if the rush below his belt was anything to go off.
"I guess so…" Reluctantly, he let go of her and took her hand. "Come on, time for us to go to stop number two."
"Good. I can't wait to see what's next…"
/
Olivia looked around the medium sized space that was dimly lit and smiled back up at Trevor. He held an arm around her waist and pulled her a little closer to him. At first she thought it was a bar and it was, but it had a twist. As she looked around at the patrons sitting opposing one another, she realised that it everyone was enjoying cocktails and board games. She chuckled, "this is great?"
"Yeah?," he asked, lifting an eyebrow, "really? Because if it's not your thing we can do something else, I wasn't entirely sure."
"No, its great. I love it. I love board games. Wanna see if they've got operation?," she joked.
Trevor laughed and guided her to an empty spot. "We can if you like… test out your surgical skills."
She shrugged, "they're pretty good if I do say so myself."
"I'm sure they are. Here," he motioned for her to sit, "take a seat, I'll go get us a drinks menu and then you can go choose something for us to play," he nodded to a wall of games.
"Sounds good," she smiled up at him as he towered over her when she sat. She hadn't been entirely expecting it, but he leaned over, resting a hand on her shoulder and kissed her again. As soon as he left her to her own devices to make his way to the bar, she reached up and pressed her fingers against her lips almost as if she were in a little shock from his mouth against hers.
Trevor arrived back quickly and placed a drink menu before her as he sat. "The drinks look really good but I saw the bartender making a Whisky Old fashioned and I think I'm gonna get that.
"Oh, classic," she replied as she glanced at the menu, "Maybe I'll go for a French Martini." She went to get up, "I'm gonna buy our drink-"
"You absolutely are not going to pay for anything. I'm taking you on this date and I'm paying. You don't take someone on a date and make them pay Olivia, that's an insult."
She sucked her head back and pressed her lips together trying not to laugh at his sudden lecture, she held her hands up in mock-surrender, "Alright, alright… no need to bite my head off."
His face softened and she could tell he instantly felt bad. "Sorry- I just want this to be the thing that I get to do, to take you on this amazing date, its on me, my treat, all of it. I want it to be memorable and fun."
"And it is," she smiled, "I'm having a great time, thank you, Trevor."
"Okay, I'll order our drinks and be right back."
/
"Are you sure you'll be able to beat me at Scrabble?," Olivia asked tauntingly, "I mean, I am an incredible wordsmith and you'll probably be left for dust…"
He laughed, "maybe you don't know this about me because I'm not as boastful, but I am incredible at putting words together and kicking ass due to my competitive streak and my overwhelming intellect," he replied, sipping his whisky, raising an eyebrow as if to goad her.
"And yet, I've never heard a more boastful thing come out of your pretty little mouth," she retorted as they both turned the tiles over, face down.
He laughed. "Okay, take your tiles, missy," he nodded toward them after she mixed them up a little. They both took seven tiles each. "I'll let you go first - to give you an advantage," he smirked.
"Oh no," Olivia shook her head, "I insist, you go first, I think you'll need that advantage."
"Okay," he shrugged, "you insisted, just remember that…"
She took a couple of mouthfuls of her drink and rubbed her hands together. She really was quite competitive. She put all of the letters on to her tile holder and glanced at them for a moment. Trevor watched the look of pure stone-faced concentration on her face. He couldn't help but smile.
She rearranged her letters a few times eventually she began by placing down some letters. "This one may help you the most," she told him with a smug smile. " S, " placing the C in the starting centre of the board to open it out. It was a tactic that may have backfired on her, but she was betting on herself to win.
"Thanks Liv, you just gave me life here so early," he replied as he continually rearranged his letters and could barely contain his glee. He started laying his tiles down, using the U of her word. " Y" he looked at the tiles and began adding them up, "thats 27 points for the word, double points for the Q, double points, double points for the A, double points for the Y so thats 15 extra points, 27 plus 15 is 42."
"Okay, calm down a second, rain man," she held up her hand, "what the hell is Quartzy."
"Oh," he began, "look at over there, what a beautiful stone, it's got a quartzy kind of style to it!"
"No," Olivia shook her head, "no Trevor, that's not a word."
"It is a word and I just gave it context. Look it up, it's a word, I assure you. I'm definitely better with words."
"No you're not," she shot back, refusing to believe that his stupid word was acceptable. "At the bare minimum you could not cheat to win just because you're feeling a little insecure about my word game."
Trevor began to laugh and took a mouthful of his drink, "Look it up on Websters dictionary, if it's a word, you will need to swallow your pride and score it."
"Fine, and when it's not found as an acceptable word, you can apologise to me for trying to cheat so early on." She picked up her phone and looked up the word. Trevor continued with his drink, his smile growing bigger and bigger as her face soured and she put her phone down without speaking any words of her own too fast..
"Fine, you can have your stupid word."
He broke up, his laughter exploding through his nose. "Aww Liv, I'm sorry, I don't have to take the points."
She looked up at him and finally smiled too, "no, I'm fair, Websters had the word, go for it. I still think it's stupid, but its there so take your dumb word."
He laughed a little more as he finished his drink. "Why do I feel bad for you? You the wordsmith!" He said the word, wordsmith making abbreviation marks overhead teasingly. "I guess I must be just that bit more talented."
"You are going to wear my drink if you keep going…" she replied humourlessly as she looked down at her own tiles as he picked up more, replacing all those that he had just used up.
She stared at her tiles for a bit. Trevor got the attention of one of the waitresses and asked for another Old fashioned. "Would you like another drink, sweetie?," he asked her.
She glanced up, her concentration breaking, a tiny smile adorning her lips at his pet name that fell out from between his thin lips with zero effort. It felt nice to be spoken about so tenderly. It made any annoyance she felt about his turn fall away. "No thank you, I'm okay for the second, I need all of my concentration to win."
"Thank you," Trevor replied to the waitress as she smiled and left them to it. "I guess that's the difference between you and I, I can win halfway drunk…"
She ignored him completely as she moved some tiles around.
She stared at the stupid letters on her tile holder; C. She moved them about a bit more; and stared at the board, trying to find some way to utilise the double word score to earn her some extra points. She sighed. She didn't mind the competitive edge between them and didn't want him to just let her win to be nice, but she certainly did not like to lose.
"I've got it!," she exploded a little too loudly causing Trevor to let out a peel of laughter in to the room. She quickly looked around and chuckled, becoming self-aware.
It was her turn to feel smug. Using his Y, she decided to build on to it. She started laying her tiles down with an air of excitement. C. She knew there would be zero contention over the word given that it was medical. "Kyphotic, sometimes we may see patients that have kyphosis hence their very kyphotic spines…" she told him dramatically. She turned her tile holder over so that he could see that it was empty.
"So, would you like to add it up, or shall I do the honours?," she teased him back just as smugly knowing she would get a hefty score based on the fact that she had used all 7 tiles in one go.
Trevor was more than just a little tipsy, he couldn't stop chuckling at how serious she was. "You can go ahead and add it up if it'll make you so happy," he motioned for her to go ahead.
"Hmm, so that's five plus three which is eight plus four which is twelve and then we have 1 and 1 and 1… that makes fifteen and three is 18 — then we have double word score, makes 36 — and then fifty whole points for using all of my tiles in one go and that together is 86 for the one word…. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, Dr Langan."
He beamed at her through his laughter. She grinned, looking pretty fucking pleased with herself, he thought. "Congratulations, Olivia, you are very talented at many, many things."
"I know," she shrugged, "if you play your cards right, you might find other things that I'm talented at later…"
He rose an eyebrow as she sipped her drink. "I hope I do…"
His next drink arrived and they seemed to take an unspoken break from their game. Olivia had realised that she was perhaps taking it a little too seriously and Trevor couldn't have cared any less.
She sat back and looked around at everyone caught up in their games. There were some people on dates but others with groups of friends. "This is really nice," she told him finally turning back to him as he casually looked over his own tiles. "Thanks for this night out, if I'm honest, I actually had a really difficult day and I needed this."
"You don't have to keep thanking me, Olivia, I'm just glad we could finally do this, we've been talking about it for too long now."
"I know and I felt so awful when I got home that if I'm honest, I really had to kick myself in to gear to get in to a better headspace because I would have had to cancel otherwise and I didn't want to do that to you yet again."
He frowned, "I tried to give you an out today if you needed one, I realised something happened and you weren't in the right headspace to talk about it with me, so I didn't want you to feel like you were forced to come."
"No, no, I am so glad that I perked up. If I'd stayed at home I probably would have drank wine until I passed out in bed." She finished her drink and put it down. "And now I actually have shrugged off the day and am enjoying present company."
When the waitress returned with Trevor's drink, Olivia just ordered a vodka and soda with lime. "So, in the interest of friendship and whatever else, Olivia please be careful about drinking with surgery…"
"I know," she nodded seriously, "I don't drink as much now, I promise. It's mostly just on the weekends. I know that if anything happened and if they were even in the slightest bit unsure if I was at fault, they'd review everything and probably ask for a drug and alcohol test."
"Exactly, I know I'm not the boss of you, but I'm just saying that because I care about you."
"I know," she repeated with a little smile, "Thank you." She paused, "do you want to come around here to my side and sit closer?"
"What about the game? Don't think you can distract me, Benson, I'm going to beat you…"
"Does winning against me really matter to you?," she wondered, already knowing that he was more than happy to forget the game for the moment and sit beside her.
"Nope," he replied with a crooked smile and she realised he was drunk.
"Trevor, I think we're going to have to leave your car, I don't think you're fit to drive," she giggled.
"Fuck, yeah… didn't even think about that."
"No, wait, it's okay, I'll get my friend to come pick it up," he replied, pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket.
She laughed, "Seriously?"
"Yeah no way am I leaving my car parked outside, it'll get towed for sure — if not stripped." He pulled out his phone and wrote a quick text message and waited a few moments. He smiled as his phone chimed. He tapped out another message before he put his phone away. "All done."
"What? You just texted someone to come pick up your car? And what? Take it home?"
Trevor laughed, "Yeah so once I ordered an airtasker to do a few things for me, Owen; he was young and eager to earn some extra money, he's a college student so I felt bad and gave him some odd jobs that I didn't have time to do — and I just kept going back and texting him asking him to do stuff for me and he's such a good kid, he's going through medical school himself, so anytime I have something that needs doing, he's my go-to guy. He sets the price and I just pay him through venmo. He's like an assistant at this stage. I let him borrow my car once to drive upstate to take this girl from his hometown out on a special date."
Olivia was gobsmacked, she blinked hard at him, leaning over and picking up his Old fashioned and taking a sip. He grinned at her, "You are so funny, Trevor, I thought that car was your baby…"
"It is, and he understood and he took great care of it. So he has a spare key for it and if he's ever in a bind, our agreement is that if I'm at work he can call me and come and grab the car and the flip side is that I can randomly call him like this… he's just happy for all the extra cash, I think."
"And can I ask, what did he ask for money wise to do this?"
"He said $40, I said an even $100," he grinned at her. Her mouth fell open.
"Now I know you're definitely drunk. That Soju went to your head. Aww my flowers though."
"Don't worry, I'll put them in water and bring them back to you tomorrow. I think it's like, what? 9pm? He has to get dressed and leave his apartment and then take the car back to mine and either walk home or catch an uber, so I think $100 is fair."
"You clearly have more money than you know what to do with," she told him. "Now are you going to come and sit with me? Because I sure as hell am not one to beg."
He grinned at her. "Of course…"
