[Okay! I'm back!

To Atea1793: You may or may not have seen ULTRA_ITS_FUTILE's response above your review, but I'm sorry to say that Mr. Toriyama really did make SSJ4 much easier to unlock. To me, it made sense that Gotenks would find it, simply because he was able to reach SSJ2 and 3 with relative ease whenever he fused, and the version of him in the fic is after the two fusees underwent very rigorous training. I'd like to mention that I care a ton about this story and how it progresses, and I have a lot of respect for the different forms! I really appreciate your review!]


Chapter 32: Bardock and Kakarot


The first day of training with his son had passed somewhat uneventfully, as Bardock had tried to spar with him in Super Saiyan 2 but just couldn't quite control his ki in the form yet, much like Trunks the day before.

The next day, however, he seemed to be gaining some understanding on how to wield it, which Goku noted aloud as they engaged in a deliberately even spar.

"Feh, I'm a quick learner," Bardock replied as he tried to punch his son's face, only to miss him by a hair. "I'll obtain your third one in no time," he boasted.

"Yeah, I guess ya learn fast," Goku spoke thoughtfully, "But you can't rush it, y'know - especially if your power's too low. If ya wanted to get Super Saiyan 3 even faster… hm… I could give you some of my energy or something? I guess you wouldn't like that though."

"Of course not, that's cheating!" Bardock responded irritatedly. "I need to earn that power, and make it my own! What kind of Saiyan would I be, otherwise?"

"Yeah, I know, Dad," Goku chuckled, landing a blow to Bardock's face.

After a gruelling training session, Bardock sat down with his son and ate some fish they caught with their bare hands nearby, making a campfire to cook it on. (If you're wondering where Goten is, he still needed to catch up on his studies from his Summer School curriculum at home. Home Schooling wasn't always just fun and games, but it sure did feel like it to Goten, considering the amount of adventures he'd been on!)

Once the two Saiyans ate until their stomachs could fit no more, they relaxed, with Bardock lying with his back against a rock while his son sprawled his body out on the grass with his arms stretched out.

"Hoo, I'm stuffed!" Goku spoke, exhaling contentedly.

"I could say the same," Bardock concurred. "From all the things I've seen of the future, this training wasn't one of them, but I'm glad it's come to pass."

"Yeah, me too," Goku agreed. "I mean, now you get to grow stronger with me. In the future, I'm sure you'll be a great opponent for me to fight at full power!"

Bardock smirked, closing his eyes, imagining two giant auras clashing. "I don't need visions to see what that would look like."

"Hey, about these visions…" Goku started, "What kind of stuff have ya seen?"

"Can you believe they've mostly been about you?" Bardock tilted his head in his son's direction.

"Me?! Why's that?" Goku asked curiously, sitting up.

Bardock huffed, shifting his gaze to the river nearby. "It's probably thanks to that Kanaasan who wanted to torture me, letting me know that you escaped Planet Vegeta only to run into Frieza again in the future."

"That's pretty messed up. But at least you won't have to be tortured by those visions once the Namekians wish it away!"

"The thing is, these stupid visions aren't just to mess with me, because they all come true," Bardock explained, looking bothered. "And there's still one or two I haven't told you about."

Goku asked, "What are they?"

"Well, for one… Frieza will kill me."

The wind was the only sound in the area for a moment as Goku quickly stood up. "Gahhh! What?! Are you serious?!" he exclaimed incredulously. "No wonder you want to train so badly!"

Bardock crossed his arms. "Hmph, well, I ain't gonna just let it happen, am I? Of course I'm gonna fight back against a future like that!"

Goku nodded in agreement with a serious expression, which was an uncommon look for him whenever he wasn't in battle. "Yeah, and I'll fight to stop that from happening, too," he assured his father. "What's the other one you haven't told me yet?"

"Even though I've seen enough visions of this guy, I have no idea who he is. He had blue skin and red eyes, and looked kind of like a goat. He had a brown cloak on, too. Looked real sketchy, if you ask me," Bardock explained, looking at the ground.

Goku put a hand on his chin. "Huh… a goat…? I've got no idea. Looks like we'll have to take our sparring to a new level next time, in case he shows up to fight us, just like Frieza!"

"I sure would appreciate it," Bardock grumbled. "I've been training the best I can, but clearly you've been doing it far more efficiently over the years. I'm gonna need you to show me your training regimen… and I'll see how I can adapt mine."

"Sure," Goku agreed. "I'll give you the rundown right now!"

"Wait," Bardock said, holding a hand up. "I'm going to write it down."

After Bardock disappeared to bring back a notepad, Goku explained his whole training regime, down to the very minor details: How long he slept, what he ate, what warm-up exercises he did, what katas he went through…

Goku stopped at one point, noticing that his father was writing nothing but nonsense. Goku pointed at his notepad. "Uh… what is all that?"

"I'm writing down everything, what does it look like?" Bardock responded with sarcasm.

"It's nothin' but strange symbols to me," he replied.

"Oh." Bardock shook his head and explained, "I'm using the universal writing system. Perhaps I should've written it in your Earthling one so you can read it too."

"Wow…!" Goku was in awe. "That's pretty cool! I guess Vegeta can read it too, can't he? I'm a little jealous."

"It's not hard to learn," Bardock said with a shake of his head. "All you have to do is memorise the equivalent symbols and swap them out. There's little to no change in spacing or sequencing between the two writing systems, since we speak the exact same language."

"I gotcha!" Goku nodded. "Say, how come every alien I've met speaks Earth's language? I thought Earth was a "backwater planet"!" He emphasised with his fingers.

"That's an age-old question," Bardock replied. "Presumably, those gods you met speak our language too, so maybe they're the reason why most people in the cosmos understand each other."

"That makes sense…" Goku spoke with a thoughtful expression. "Hey, can ya write my name in that universal way?"

"I already wrote it up here." Bardock pointed at the page title. "K, a, k, a, r, o, t."

"Can ya write my other one too? I wanna see 'em both!" Goku requested. Bardock obliged, writing "Son Goku" in the same style, and showed him the notepad again. "Neat! Part of me really wants to learn it, but I'm really bad at concentrating on textbook stuff!" Goku admitted.

"I'll write down a symbol key, so you can look at it whenever you're bored," Bardock said with a sigh, turning a page and writing it up quickly. He didn't think he'd have to teach his grown-up son the writing system of the universe today.

"Oh, I'm totally bored when I have to work on the farm! Sitting inside that tractor all day makes me wanna fall asleep!" Goku told him. Bardock finished writing the key and ripped out a page, giving it to him. "Thanks!" Goku tucked it into his gi.

Bardock turned to his previous page, not looking at him. "You're welcome. After you're done with it, you can show it to your sons, if you want. I'm sure that Gohan would be interested in it."

Goku chuckled, "Hehe! That's probably an understatement! Anyway, I guess I should continue with what I was talking about…!"

Bardock's son excitedly listed all the remaining steps in his ideal training schedule, leaving nothing out. The scarred Saiyan ended up having to write over seven pages, and that was just for info detailing three days worth of training.

After the training session was over, Bardock idly commented, "You always seem to wear the exact same orange outfit. It's the same one you wore when you forced Frieza to finally get out of his chair on Namek."

Goku asked curiously, "His chair? You mean that floating one he had when he invaded Earth? I guess I knocked him down a peg, but he wasn't in that chair on Namek."

Bardock responded with a brow lowered, "But I saw you facing him in that floating chair of his. Don't you remember?"

"No. He was beating up Vegeta when I first saw him," Goku told him, giving his father a confused look.

Bardock was unsettled by this. Did he have a false vision? Or had he been hallucinating that one, back then? What did this mean? "Huh…" Bardock had little to say to that, his mind overcome with these questions. "I only saw you and that horned freak floating in mid-air…"

"Horned? Are you talking about Frieza's weaker form? Frieza didn't have horns when I fought him, either!" Goku pointed out.

"W- Weaker what?! What do you mean by that?!" Bardock questioned, his face turning pale. He was greatly taken aback by this information. The fact he'd practically been disposed of in that supposed "weaker form"… meant something very chilling indeed, no pun intended.

Goku stated, counting on his fingers, "Oh, uh… well, I think he's got like, four other forms-"

"No, nonono. He can't have! You can't seriously be telling me he's that powerful!" Bardock retorted in denial. He exclaimed angrily, clenching his fists, "There ain't no way in hell we were all wiped out by his weakest transformation!"

"Oh, man… Sorry, Dad, but he really is that strong…" Goku spoke with a hint of sadness. "The first time we met, I fought him in his final form, which was his strongest one at the time."

"H- How the hell did you even beat that…?" Bardock questioned. "Who knows how strong his power level would've been in his strongest form, if his "weakest" one had a power level of 530,000! He was famous for it!"

"Didn't you fight that Cooler guy? He looked like he was in his final one when you met him," Goku informed him.

Bardock blinked in surprise. "You're joking. If that was true, I should be dead, shouldn't I?"

"Eh, I dunno. Cooler looked a lot weaker than Frieza." Goku recounted more from what he saw of his father's memories. "The guy you fought transformed into some kind of tall, armoured one, which would be his fifth one or something, I think. Kinda weird how he didn't turn golden."

""Golden"? You mean Frieza's got a golden form like a Super Saiyan?!" Bardock thought he knew everything about that dreaded tyrant by now, but this was completely unprecedented.

"Yep. He probably doesn't wanna admit it, but it's really similar," Goku replied.

"Kakarot," Bardock began, "I've been training to kill that scumbag! Just how the hell am I supposed to catch up if he's that strong?!"

"Uh…" Goku scratched his head. "I know you've already been training like crazy, but it really all does just come down to your training. There isn't much more to it, other than fightin' strong guys like me. Master Roshi taught me that the best way to go about it is to "work hard, study well and eat and sleep plenty"!"

Bardock deflated with a sigh. It was time to up his game if he wanted to grow as powerful as his son, and that meant adopting some of those 'Turtle School' teachings into his own training. 'It seems completely insane for a Saiyan to take days off and relax when the whole point is to make your body grow stronger. But if that's what Kakarot does… I will give it a try just to see if he's onto something.'


After two days of rest (which included browsing the Earth's Internet and getting better at the video games Vegeta played,) and after two days of intensive training…

Bardock and his son were at it again, and for the past two days of sparring, Goku had been using Super Saiyan 3 instead of 2, while his father fought him as a Super Saiyan 2.

Goku insisted that his father's days of rest gave his body's muscles time to recuperate so that in the next day of sparring, they would work at their best. Bardock had actually noticed how his muscles didn't ache as much, and how his arm and leg movements were less rigid than before. He felt much lighter overall, and the little bit of 'meditation' that his son had suggested helped him focus on his ki a little better.

"Hrah!" Super Saiyan 3 Goku rammed his fist right into Bardock's stomach, making him keel over and cough out blood already. Bardock suddenly grabbed his son's embedded arm and swung him away with his renewed strength, his aura sparking more vigorously as he powered up even higher with a shout.

"This power… is all mine now!" Super Saiyan 2 Bardock declared, chasing after his son at the speed of a lightning bolt. He performed a spin kick, making contact with Goku's hip, sending his son smashing right through a tree.

"Not bad at all, Dad," Goku remarked with his gruffer voice, as he plucked a leaf out of his gi and a twig out of his long golden hair. "But I'd say that you're almost there. It's not all yours yet."

"Oh yeah? Well then get ready to be proven wrong!" Bardock replied boldly, exchanging a ton of punches with his son who had risen into the sky. They broke the surrounding clouds apart as they made contact with each other, eventually dissipating them altogether, the sky becoming completely clear.

Goku jumped away and flew around Bardock to determine the next place to try striking him. Bardock watched his every move with a grimace and fired two beams from each of his hands. One of the beams hit his son, but as it made contact, his son's form split in two. One of him fizzled out of existence and the other moved in to attack him from above.

"What-?!" Bardock had little time to react before he was kicked hard in his back from behind after his son flew over the top of him.

"That's the Afterimage technique," Goku explained with a smirk. "It allows you to create false versions of yourself to trick your enemies into attacking you when you're not really there."

"Feh… That's a cheap move Yamcha pulled on me once…" Bardock uttered bitterly as he got on one knee, "…I'll admit, though… it's tactically brilliant."

"I've got more where that came from," Goku said excitedly, but it came off a little creepy thanks to his lower voice.

"I'm sure you have, you resourceful little-" Bardock muttered in annoyance before being blinded by a Solar Flare and then thrown over Goku's shoulder. He was practically planted into the ground like the spiky burdock plant he was named after. He spat out a lot of dirt. "Ack-! Damn you for that!"

"Come on, Dad - Show me more of your techniques!" Goku told him with a louder voice, beckoning him to strike back.

"Your definition of 'technique' is just a bunch of cheap party tricks! Here's some real technique for you!" Bardock declared, showing him the full might of his strongest attack to close in on his opponents - his Tyrant Lancer. With a strong elbow to Goku's torso, Bardock backed off a little and gave one almighty punch to Goku's forehead, blasting him away right after.

Bardock wasn't done yet; while Goku was sent flying (mostly of his own volition), Bardock zipped around and launched him into the air with a triple spin kick. Then, the finisher of his own design was unleashed.

"Take this! Rebellion… Trigger!" Bardock yelled out the name of his attack (for once), his right palm facing the sky. From it, he fired a massive blue ki blast at his son.

"Woah-!" Goku uttered before being consumed by his blast. A white light flashed in the sky before the beam dissipated.

"Tch. Of course. Not a scratch," Bardock complained as his son came into view once more, his gi having been protected by his Super Saiyan 3 aura.

"I don't think you've proven me wrong just yet," Goku taunted, rubbing his nose with his finger, his eyes briefly shut. "You still need to make that power your own."

"What am I supposed to do, then?!" Bardock yelled angrily.

Goku opened his piercing green eyes and smiled softly in understanding of his trouble. "You're missing the desperation you need in order to draw out more of the form's power deep inside you!"

"Wha-" Bardock had no air left to breathe as Goku suddenly slammed his knee right into Bardock's chest and punched him hard in the face, making him travel along the ground, churning up tons of dirt.

"Are you gonna train so much only to be left in the dust in the end? You can't beat Frieza with this level of power, you know!" Goku spurred him on, knowing that hurting his pride would make him angrier. "Release it! Or else I'm gonna call it a day and drag you back to your ship!" It seemed much easier for him to verbally antagonise someone in Super Saiyan 3. His dad sure was right about his mood changing in the form.

Goku aimed a palm at his father and fired. Bardock held his breath in alarm and held both his arms up to try blocking the beam that came towards him. It turned out that the blast was strong enough to completely disintegrate Bardock's arm warmers, making the man gasp and jump away, shaking off the burning remains.

Bardock was silent as he saw his son fly towards him with a smirk-turned-frown. Goku hammered his fists all over him with lightning speed, making Bardock cough and heave, struggling to put up a fight during the onslaught.

With a final kick, Goku launched him into the air. Bardock's eyes were wide, and his mouth hung open as he slowly descended from the sky. His body had been utterly wrecked by his son just now, and his fingers were the only things he could move as he hit the ground again with a boom.

Goku watched on silently to see if his father would react as he thought. After a dozen seconds, Bardock's form twitched as his mind slowly got over the pain that wracked his body. With a tense couple of breaths, he sat up, and put a shaky hand on his knee, his face obscured by his golden bangs.

'He's still transformed, which is a good sign,' Goku noted. He remarked aloud, "You don't look so good."

"Shut the hell up, son…" Bardock responded hoarsely, his anger showing through his bared teeth. "I know I'm absolutely pathetic compared to you…"

Goku didn't refute their enormous power difference, but he said, "If you really think that way, then what're you gonna do about it?"

Bardock looked up at his son, his expression fiery and determined. "What am I gonna do about it? I'm gonna give it my all, dammit! I've got more fight in me than you think!"

"Bring it!" Goku shouted, eager to see just how much more he had in store.

Bardock's form fizzled with so much electricity that he vaporised parts of the ground around him, shouting with such fervour that his voice echoed across the land. He vanished right up to his son and decked him in the cheek and elbowed right down on top of his head. He followed up with a brutal knee strike to his abdomen, which was exactly when Goku decided to fight back.

He headbutted Bardock's forehead and slapped his face, assuming he'd get sent into a nearby tree. However, Bardock merely whirled around on his heel and delivered a high kick to Goku's chin (which was a move he learned from Gohan), sending his son staggering back in surprise. Bardock cleverly grabbed the end of his long hair and yanked on it hard, making Goku topple to the ground and lie on his back.

Bardock wiped his brow before transferring all the power he had into his fist, electricity sparking around it almost like a plasma ball. With a roar of finality, he rammed it right into the centre of Goku's chest. A shockwave emanated from the blow, and Goku's vivid teal eyes grew wide.

"Oof…! And there it is," Goku coughed out, getting up and dusting himself off but remaining hunched over before his father as he rubbed his chest. "I think you've mastered your ki control in Super Saiyan 2."

"You think so? How?" Bardock asked him, panting and checking his body's injuries.

"The way you transferred your ki into your fist proved it," Goku told him, gesturing to Bardock's hand. "Not to mention, you've finally drawn out all its power."

"Yeah… "finally"…" Bardock uttered with a hint of sarcasm. "And now you say I've mastered it, I'm going to transform into Super Saiyan 3 even sooner."

"Don't get too excited; it's not as easy as you think," Goku cautioned him. He reverted to base form and let out a chuckle. "I guess it might've been easy for Gotenks, but fusions like him are really somethin' else!"

"Hmph. Fusion is a cheap way to gain strength," Bardock remarked with a huff, powering down himself and sitting on the floor.

"Vegeta said something like that a few days ago!" Goku laughed. "Say, do ya think me and you would look exactly the same if we fused together?"

"Of course you'd be the one to think of something like that," Bardock muttered. "It's too weird to imagine, so don't bring it up again."

"Alright, alright…" Goku held up his hands and sat on the ground near him. "So what's next? Are you gonna go and rest for another couple of days?"

"That's what your training regimen on my notepad says. Heeding your advice certainly paid off this time, so I guess it's a valid strategy," Bardock replied.

"Wow! I'm glad you like my training style! Or should I say, the Turtle Hermit training style? Hehe!" Goku chuckled, scratching his cheek. "Oh by the way, like I told you, manual labour is a key part of the training, so you should try harvesting some of our crops by hand, the next time you train. It really gets the muscles working!"

Bardock thought to himself, 'I doubt I'll get paid for doing that, but the training itself will be my reward…'

Some time later, the two Saiyans returned to their respective abodes.

The training was going well for Bardock.

And soon… his wish on New Namek would be granted, so he could stay in this timeline.

Or… would it…?


Out in space…

Sirens wailed.

Two prisoners had escaped.


[Author's notes: Ooh, the story's getting serious once again! This is where Chapter 32 ends, but below, I have made a mini crack fic based on Mercenary Tao's shenanigans from Dragon Ball Legends' 2025 April Fool's event! (Requested by ULTRA_ITS_FUTILE on Wattpad.) Consider it a very late April Fool's joke! (If you're reading this on April 1st in the future, then Happy April Fool's Day!) I hope you enjoy it! (I sure enjoyed writing it.)]

\/

\/

\/

It was a regular Tuesday for Mercanary Tao, having just killed a rival assassin who not only hated his guts, but who also had a bounty on his head that Tao was more than happy to collect.

Through his telecommunication device, he received a new job request from a client named "Porunga". 'And here I thought I'd die of boredom before the day was over,' Tao thought to himself with a little enthusiasm.

He checked the job requirements. This 'Porunga' seemed like a rather pleasant fellow, judging by how he detailed his assassination assignment in Jamaican Patois:

Porunga wrote, "Dem call mi fi send a warrior fram Earth weh can tek care a one invader weh name Cooler. Mi have di power fi teleport yuh yah, but honestly mi woulda like fi see yuh try fi get yah pan dat deh pole a yuh." ("I have been summoned to send a warrior from Earth who can take care of an invader named Cooler. I have the power to teleport you here, but honestly I'd like to see you try to get here on that pole of yours.")

Porunga's note continued, "Yu a go kom a wan plies niem Nyuu Namek. No bada worry, it still deh inna di North Galaxy." ("You're going to come to a place named New Namek. Don't worry, it's still situated in the North Galaxy.")

It was after checking the linked coordinates that Tao realised he needed to go to a whole other planet!

The human turned cyborg laughed haughtily. Getting there would be a piece of cake! It was time to impress his peers once more!

Once he found a suitable tree trunk, he threw it into the distance and then hopped onto it, riding into space, a sparkling grin on his face.

Soon enough, he arrived, his pole smashing into Cooler's face, breaking his mouth guard entirely. Super Saiyan Bardock gasped in shock and confusion as Tao flipped off of his pole and landed on the ground with his hands behind his back, flicking his braided ponytail behind him.

Tao took in the scene before him; a Namekian had just fainted and this Goku lookalike was facing down some kind of horned alien lizard man.

Thank the heavens he didn't have to actually face another member of Son Goku's bloodline today.

"You - Are you named Cooler?" he asked the Saiyan.

"Hell no, I'm Bardock! That's Cooler!" Bardock pointed to the alien Tao had just smashed in the face on the floor. The alien was slowly getting up.

"Ah, of course. My mistake. Looks like I was right the first time." Tao walked up to his target. "I've been hired to kill you, so let's make it quick, shall we?"

'This guy… just who is he…?' Bardock wondered with one brow lowered.

"Who dares…?!" Cooler spat out some saliva and grimaced angrily. "Suffer my wra-"

Tao grinned, shouting triumphantly, "Super Dodon Ray, FIRE!"

The yellow beam flew at the speed of light towards Cooler, who jumped into the air to avoid it. The beam travelled into the sky, before looping back around, coming right for the alien.

"WHAT?!" Cooler yelled, his red eyes growing wide as it collided. Bardock was blown backwards while Tao remained stood still with his hands behind his back as his attire billowed.

"The hell?!" Bardock gasped as the dust cloud cleared up, revealing a dead Cooler lying on the ground. "You… That was unbelievable! Who are you?!" Bardock asked, lightly unnerved.

"Heheheh… Unbelievable… yes, I like that, actually!" Tao chuckled to himself. "Has a nice ring to it. You can address me as the Unbelievable Assassin, Tao!"

Bardock told the assassin with a slightly disgruntled attitude, "Although you stole my victory, I guess I should thank you for stopping him before he could get what he wanted."

"Spare me your thanks. This is merely what I was hired to do. But do go tell the world how unbelievable of an assassin I am!" Tao replied somewhat smugly as he brought out his telecommunication device. "Now then… Who's next?"

The device spelled out a name, and some impressive data about the target was attached. ""Moro", eh? They couldn't kill him off for ten million years? Pathetic. I'll show this 'Galactic Patrol' how you dispose of a target!"

He chopped down a Namekian tree to his desired pole length and jumped into the cosmos once more, rising past many planets on his way to the space station holding his target.

He smashed through a quintuple-glazed window, causing the emergency shutter to activate in the room he landed in. Tao dusted himself off and examined the room he found himself in.

There, stood in front of him, was his target.

"What have we here? Perhaps you are planning to free me?" Moro asked him with his eyes looking hopeful.

Tao laughed. "Ah, that's right, you're currently in prison, aren't you? Too bad I'm actually planning to end your life sentence here and now!"

Moro chuckled darkly. "Fool, you do not understand the magnitude of my power, even in this pitiful state-"

Tao held out his arm and yelled, "Super Dodon Ray… FIRE!"

"What in the blazes-?!" Moro uttered before being sent to the ground, lying there like Yamcha did when he got blown up by that Saibaman.

Tao inspected his form. "Oh, you're just about clinging to life. You're a tough one!"

"Y- You-!" Moro's eyes shook as he felt true fear for the first time in eons. "I am the World-consumer, Moro! You cannot simply-"

Tao interrupted him impatiently, "Oh, shut up. I have a job to do! …"World-consumer", eh? What a grandiose title!"

He charged another of the same attack. "Super Dodon Ray… FIRE!"

"No! I am the Planet-eater Moro! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHH!" Moro perished.

Finally, a Galactic Patrolman entered the prison cell, only to find updated contact details of the assassin they hired, now going by the "World-consumer Assassin". The Galactic Patrol celebrated Tao's victory, even holding a banquet in his name. Tao became a celebrity on a galactic scale, garnering tons of fans across the cosmos, yet he did not show up to the feast.

How could he attend something so trivial? His next targets awaited his deadly judgment!

"Let's see… So, this group called the Heeters wants me to kill two targets, eh? A "Goichi" and a "Frieza"… Hm, just this once, I'll give 'em a two-for-one special deal!"

Since Frieza was closer to his location, he decided to kill him off first.

He arrived on a desolate world, filled with fire, death and suffering (which he was coolly indifferent to) and found a temple surrounded by armoured soldiers. There were two advisors stood outside the temple entrance, who he decided to approach for more intel.

A soldier screamed, "Oh my god! It's the World-consumer Assassin!"

Some of the soldiers lowered their heads reverently. One of the advisors asked, "To what pleasure do we owe this visit, World-consumer Assassin?"

Tao responded, "I'm looking for a man named Frieza. Might you tell me where he is hiding?"

The soldiers backed away in shock and fear, and they pointed their palms and blasters at him.

"Come now," Tao said with nonchalance, "Don't make this more difficult for yourselves! I'm working for half the price, and I'm certainly not averse to killing you all to find my target faster!"

There were many murmurs between the Frieza Force members. One of them whispered to another, "There's no way even the World-consumer Assassin stands a chance against Lord Frieza!"

Tao smirked in amusement at their ignorance towards his capabilities, and asked again, "Would you mind telling me where he is, then? I don't have all day."

They gestured to the wooden door of the temple. "He's inside this chamber, trai-"

Another interrupted, "T- Trailing the footsteps o- of…"

Tao cut them off with two stabs to their chests. "As if I care about what my target is up to. A mere point in the right direction would have sufficed, but you chose to try delaying me with meaningless drivel. Oh well."

He entered the temple, only to find that it was actually a Hyperbolic Time Chamber. "Well, well, well. A Hyperbolic Cheating Chamber. Who would have guessed there would be one on this decrepit planet?"

As the reader wondered how Tao could've possibly known about the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, Frieza wondered how the World-consumer Assassin could've possibly tracked him here.

"Assassin Tao? So, someone hired you to kill me," Frieza surmised.

"Correct, but you will refer to me as the World-consumer Assassin." He moved his braided ponytail behind him. "I heard that you've been revived twice. Let's hope you do so again so I can earn even more money the next time someone wants you dead."

"You idiotic imbecile…! You're spouting utter nonsense! You don't hold a candle to me, Earthling!" Frieza yelled, but was struck with a knife stab to his back. "Wh- What?!"

"It seems you're not as lordly as those outside proclaimed, are you?" Tao taunted from behind him. He stroked his chin for a moment. ""Lordly"… That has a nice ring to it, actually." He chuckled menacingly, "You'll be another easy kill, for sure!"

"Ridiculous!" Frieza powered up to a new, terrifying dark form. "You're not the first Earthling I've killed, and you certainly won't be the last!"

"A hollow threat," Tao countered boldly, displaying ignorance towards the danger posed by Frieza's shiny new black form. "I already killed your older brother off, and I've dealt with that goat that even you didn't want to ever get involved with, so…"

He aimed his arm forward and yelled triumphantly, "Super Dodon Ray… FIRE!"

"What the?!" Frieza screamed as the beam somehow outdid him in terms of speed. The explosion shook the void, and Frieza shakily got up, his whole form bloodied. "What is going on?! H- How did you-?!"

"Oh? You're a tough cookie after all," Tao remarked. He aimed his arm at the tyrant again. "Another one should do the trick! By the way, no matter where you flee or how durable you are, my attack will hunt you to the ends of the universes and eliminate you!"

Frieza, for all of his power, arrogance and majesty, eyed the Chamber door.

"Super Dodon Ray…"

Frieza hurriedly left the room, and blasted the door to smithereens, trapping Tao in the room. "Ha… …Haha! Farewell, Assassin Tao! May you rot in that room for all eternity!"

A rumbling sound came from within the temple he had just sealed away all access to.

A muffled yell was heard. "…FIRE!"

"WHAT?!" everyone outside, including Frieza, screamed in unison.

The beam blasted its way through the temple wall, striking Frieza before he had the opportunity to blink. It travelled straight through him, and he lay on the ground, dying.

"A pity I had to exert more effort than usual to finish you," Tao told him, shaking his head.

"N- Not even… my newest form…!" Frieza coughed, then uttered his last words to his troops, "Tell my forces… to beware… Assassin Tao!" And with a final breath, he croaked just like his ancestor.

The surviving soldiers gasped in shock and horror as their esteemed Emperor kicked the bucket in front of them. They turned their frightened gazes to Tao. "Uh… All hail Emperor World-consumer A-"

"Enough," Tao stopped him. "I now go by… the Lordly Assassin!"

"R- Right!" The soldiers bowed in front of him, scared that Tao would finish them off too.

"Sayonara, fools. Be sure to spread my name far and wide!" Tao bid them farewell and travelled across the cosmos to kill off Goichi.

Suffice to say, the Heeters were very impressed. But Elec didn't like a man with power trumping Frieza's running around, so he set his brother Gas on him after they gathered the Cerealian Dragon Balls somehow.

It didn't go well. That dragon of theirs is a real fraud, I tell you.

"Super Dodon Ray… FIRE!"

And soon enough, the Heeters were no more.

As Tao's days of killing gargantuan threats continued, he soon garnered multiversal attention.

He checked his telecommunication device and raised a brow. "Oh? How interesting. My client is choosing to go by a title instead of a name: "The Emanator of Futility". And what's this? The targets are in another timeline on Earth?"

Tao chuckled and threw his pole through a wormhole he created through sheer professionalism, jumping through it and landing atop a destroyed building.

"The primary target has blue hair and blue attire. Hm, let's see…" He spotted a blue-haired man in a blue jacket with a sword, protecting some woman as well as some pointy-eared people.

Tao jumped from the roof, his arms still behind his back as he landed. He approached the blue-haired man with a smirk. "So, are you the one named "Vegito"?"

"What?! You can't be here!" the man before him said with haste. "Go and hide! Don't worry, we're handling the threat!"

""Hide"?! Bwahaha! Don't you know who I am?!" Tao guffawed. He raised his arm, preparing to fire. "I'll ask you again - Are you Vegito?"

"No, I'm Trunks! Who are you?" Trunks asked in return, completely confused.

"I am the Lordly Assassin, Tao!" he declared. "Now, tell me where Vegito is, and I will spare your life!"

The Supreme Kai of Universe 7 stepped towards him. "What are you planning?"

"I'm an assassin; can't you connect the dots?" Tao sighed in disappointment.

"You're here to… kill them while they're fused?! Are you completely insane?!" Trunks yelled. "They're trying to save our world! I don't care if Zamasu or anyone else hired you! What good will money do right now, with the state our world is in?!"

The assassin shook his head. "Oh, your naïveté knows no bounds…" Tao noticed a blue aura in the distance, and a blue, spiky-haired individual flew past. "I'm assuming that's the one I'm after, over there."

Tao was about to interrupt Vegito's battle with Zamasu, but Shin stepped in and tried holding him in place with his godly powers. Tao, however, shrugged it off with a menacing glare through his cyber-optics.

"Huh?!" Shin gasped, releasing him out of fear for his own life all of a sudden.

"Yes, that's right, let me do my job!" Tao spoke irritatedly, and jumped a far distance away in a flash, giving everyone the impression that he teleported.

Tao stood right underneath the two fused fighters who clashed in the air, and cleared his throat loudly. The two fighters peered down at him, both equally puzzled as to why an Earthling would risk coming here.

"What does this mortal want?" Zamasu spat, eying the specimen below with disdain.

Tao addressed them cordially, "Excuse me, gentlemen, but I have a job to do, and your fighting is wasting my precious time."

Vegito exclaimed, "A job? Here? Wait… you're-!"

"The Lordly Assassin, Tao! I'm thrilled that somebody around here recognises me." Tao smiled in satisfaction.

"Of course I know you," Vegito replied. "I'm part of the reason why you're a cyborg."

"Come again?" Tao uttered, but snapped out of his befuddlement when Zamasu tried blasting him to kingdom come.

Tao blasted away the fused god's own dazzling white blast, making it dissipate into nothing. Zamasu spoke in disbelief, "What the…?!"

"That was a pathetic little attack, and it just cost you your life before your opponent's!" Tao grinned wickedly, aiming his arm out once more. "Super Dodon Ray… FIRE!"

"You insolent mortal! Taste my divine-" Zamasu abruptly stopped talking when the blast already made contact before he saw it coming. He screamed in agony, the top portion of his clothes completely disintegrated by the searing hot beam, and his torso further decaying with… purple gooey stuff.

"WHAT… DID YOU DO TO ME?!" Zamasu roared, deciding to attack him in close quarters.

Tao muttered, "Another tough nut to crack, I see. Looks like I'll just have to shoot you again." He yelled out, "Super Dodon Ray… FIRE!"

Vegito watched on in complete confusion, and Trunks flew right next to him. "That assassin isn't just here to kill Zamasu, he's here to kill you, too!" Trunks warned him.

"That guy? Kill me? Are you joking?" Vegito asked. Trunks shook his head seriously.

Tao blasted the godly Kai with the same attack two more times, and he was no more. "Now then…" He turned his calm and collected gaze to Vegito Blue.

The fusion suddenly had a sinking feeling in his stomach, and braced himself for whatever trickery the assassin had in store. "Zamasu was made immortal by the Super Dragon Balls, and you killed him just like that?!"

"Of course I did. An assassin as exemplary as myself would expect nothing less!" Tao then hummed. ""Immortal", eh? The Immortal Assassin sounds even better than the Lordly Assassin…"

"Well, since I'm your next target, you won't mind if I go all out, right?" Vegito told him with a frown.

Tao vanished behind him and stabbed him in the back, slapping Trunks beside him hard across the face while he was at it. The blow knocked the other man out.

"What?!" Vegito uttered, his mouth wide open in shock. "How did you-?"

"Oh please, I get that all the time. Get a little more creative, for all our sakes…" Tao complained.

Vegito jumped away, one hand holding his wounded back. "That one hurt."

"That was the intention, nincompoop. And now it's time for the final blow!" Tao declared.

""Final blow"?!" Vegito exclaimed incredulously. "You can't be serious, here!"

"Oh, before you perish, there were a few words my client wanted me to impart to you: "This is what you get for trying to one-up my title"," Tao spoke nonchalantly.

Vegito was so confused, he might end up splitting apart early. "Who the heck-"

"It's futile! See ya!" somebody shouted from above, sounding like two people in one.

"Super Dodon Ray… FIRE!" Tao shouted once more in the exact same way as before.

"Aaaaaghhhh!" Vegito yelled out, before he was no more.

Suddenly, another blue-haired fighter landed with a loud thud on the ground, pointing at the spot where Vegito perished. "HA! I reign supreme, jackass!"

Tao flicked his braided ponytail. "Hmph. You're my client, aren't you? The Emanator of Futility?"

"Well, since you kindly showed Vegito what for, I guess you can now call me…" The man powered up some more for show. "Gogeta… Bluuuuuuueeeee!"

"Fancy light show," Tao commented unenthusiastically. "I'm curious. He looked awfully similar to you."

"Well, he was my counterpart." Gogeta huffed, crossing his arms. "Hated his guts the moment he yelled out "Vegito Blue" for the first time, so that's why I wanted him gone! Nobody one-ups my title and gets away with it! And no, it doesn't matter if he came before me!"

Trunks had regained consciousness by this point, having heard Gogeta's explanation. "You…! Why the heck would you not settle things afterwards yourself?!"

"Maybe I just enjoy breaking the canon timeline," Gogeta answered with a shrug. "The you from the Time Patrol is always trying to stop me from leaving the Festival of Universes, but I got really bored standing there all day long after being dragged there from my comfortable life as an Ultra rarity unit in another universe. Besides, the Broly I know wasn't there at the Festival to be beaten up by me, so you can imagine my disappointment."

"What?!"

The fusion then noticed a portal opening across from him. "Later!" he said hastily, flying off into the sky and heading into his own portal.

The other portal remained expanded, revealing the Supreme Kai of Time. She strode angrily out of it and screeched, "What the hell do you all think you're doing?!"

Everyone froze in place.

"Tao, you better get your butt over here or I swear I'll unleash my strongest warrior on you, and you'll definitely regret it!" she ordered sternly.

Tao huffed arrogantly. "What can some childish deity like you possibly unleash-?"

"Monaka! You're up!" she yelled behind her through the portal. "Deal with him while I look for our Festival Escapee!"

"M- M- Monaka?!" Tao quivered, that name being the only one besides Goku's and Gohan's that broke his face out in a cold sweat.

Like a dark shadow, Monaka the Terrible emerged, walking ordinarily out of the portal with a tired expression.

The Supreme Kai of Time disappeared to give chase to Gogeta, leaving Tao on his own with this demonic entity. Tao's body shook. "You! S- Stay back!"

"Why?" Monaka asked him monotonously.

""Why"?! I'll kill you, that's why! Hell, I'll do it anyway!" Tao shouted. "Super Dodon-"

Monaka stared into his soul.

"…D- D- Dodon R- Ray…"

Monaka stared right through his soul.

"Ahhh! I can't do it!" Tao wailed, bowing down on the ground. "J- Just please, spare me! I won't kill anyone ever again!"

Monaka was silent as he ominously walked right up to the assassin. "But the Supreme Kai of Time said I should deal with you." He raised a hand to strike him on the neck.

Tao begged pitifully for his life, "No! P- Please don't! I'm the Immortal Assassin! Y- You can't-!"

Chop! The hand struck, and Tao's vision went black.


Tao gasped as he got up from his bed, looking everywhere around him in shock and fear. After a while, he realised he had merely woken up from a bad dream.

"I am most certainly considering retirement after that. This line of work has been giving me nightmares for years, at this rate…"

Little did he know, his timeline had been set back on the right course, so he would never be summoned by Porunga, and Goten and Trunks would go to New Namek like they were supposed to, in this divergent timeline.

But why did this divergent timeline still exist if I just mentioned the Supreme Kai of Time?

Well, the answer lay with the Supreme Kai of Time, herself. When she first discovered it, she was going to immediately correct it. But when she noticed Bardock in the midst of all the changes, she pretended she didn't notice. She was… very fond of that guy.


[Author's notes: Hope you had a good time reading this little April Fool's story about Tao! Was it wacky, or what? I wonder if any of you noticed some of the more obscure references I threw in there…?

FYI: Porunga spoke in Jamaican Patois as a reference to Shoyoumomo's version of him that appeared in one of his Dragon Ball FighterZ videos.]