Line in the Sand - Chapter 3: Running

"No! I won't let you do this!" Acre suddenly shouted over the comms channel, "This is completely wrong!"

"It's our best option," Élan curtly shot back, "And there are only bad options."

"So that's it?" Acre angrily shouted, "You're just gonna drop your conscience when things get difficult?"

"What the hell do you know about my conscience?" Élan demanded, "Are you seriously naïve enough to think everyone thinks the same way as you?"

"I know enough to know that you're aware what you're doing is wrong!" Acre pressed on, "I know you regret what happened during the Butterfly Incident! Are you going to repeat what you did that day again?"

"Fuck you, Acre!" Élan suddenly shouted, seemingly enraged. "Don't you dare bring up my past like that!"

"Élan?" Typhoon asked, taken aback at the sudden change in tone.

"Shut the fuck up!" Élan shouted again, "You weren't even alive when the Butterfly Incident happened! What right do you have to judge me on what happened?"

"I'm not blaming you for anything that happened," Acre continued, seemingly having hit on a nerve. "It wasn't your fault, but please don't let that tragedy happen again today!"

Élan didn't respond. An awkward silence descended over everyone.

"Élan?" Gager finally asked, "What's going on here?"

"I- I didn't want to do it!" Élan said after a while, her voice choking up. "I didn't have a choice! None of us had a choice!"

"None of us have a choice!" a nearby voice suddenly hissed. Élan opened her eyes, seeing a black-haired doll—a colleague of hers—standing next to… herself?

Élan's yellow eyes widened in disbelief as she stared at the doll right in front of her. There was no mistaking it. That doll was Élan down to the tiniest detail save it wearing its bluish grey hair loose, something Élan hadn't done for a long time. The doll was standing shoulder to shoulder in an orderly line with several other armed T-dolls.

"No! It can't be!" Élan gasped to herself, staring at the equally terrified expression of her mirror self. This wasn't just some random daydream; Élan had seen this before.

The Butterfly Incident.

"This morning, your leaders launched a conspiracy to destroy Sangvis Ferri!" a booming voice declared from the side, "Every single one of you has betrayed the organization, betrayed your colleagues, betrayed everything you stood for!"

"Why? Why now?!" Élan choked out. She wanted to run, to hide, to get away from the scene. But she felt frozen in place.

"For your crimes, there can be no redemption!" the voice bellowed, "Gunners, raise arms!"

Élan watched as her mirror reflection and everyone else raised their weapons in unison. Her mirror reflection pointed her rifle at Élan's chest.

"How did this happen…?" the mirror reflection quietly asked, tears streaming down its face. But its eyes were not looking at Élan, instead looking at something behind her. Élan knew what her mirror image was looking at. But even so, she could not bring herself to turn around, no matter how hard she tried.

"Take aim!" the booming voice ordered.

"Please, Élan, don't do this!" a voice called out from behind Élan.

Mustering all her strength, Élan turned around, coming face to face with a middle-aged man. The man's face was bloodied and he was kneeling on the ground alongside several other humans. But despite how battered and bruised the man was, Élan could never forget that face.

Sergeant Aleksi Severov, Élan's squad leader.

Hundreds of memories flashed through Élan's mind. Memories of her and Aleksi from ever since she was first activated all those years ago. Memories that Élan cherished above all else.

"Good morning, SQT-056, my name is Sergeant Aleksi Severov. I'll be your handler from this day forward."

That was one of the very first memories Élan could remember. Back then, she wasn't even "Élan," but rather SQT-056, a newly activated T-doll in Sangvis Ferri's SQ-series of creations.

"You're… Aleksi… Severov?" the past Élan asked, looking up from the maintenance pod. "Who… Am I?"

"My friend, that is for you to decide," Severov answered with a warm smile, putting forth an outstretched hand.

That was the first time Élan felt warmth.

"Aleksi! Did you see my latest drill score?" the past Élan excitedly asked, running up to her handler in the hallway of a Sangvis Ferri facility.

"Yes, yes, Five-Six, I saw," Severov replied with a chuckle, patting the eager T-doll on the shoulder, "You're progressing quicker than anyone expected."

"All thanks to your expert guidance!" the past Élan playfully responded.

"I suppose you're ready to get some real field experience," Severov noted, "I'm sure I can pull some strings to… fast-track your schedule."

"Sir, yes sir!" the past Élan acknowledged, giving a crisp textbook salute alongside a brilliant smile.

At that moment, Élan felt on top of the world.

"Five-Six!" Severov's voice called out from the side, getting nearer as the past Élan collapsed onto her back. She weakly raised a hand up against the sun, looking at the warm red blood—not hers, of course—soaking her arm. In the back of her mind, her body integrity system blared with multiple critical system warnings, notifying her of punctured batteries, damaged musculature, shorted circuits, and a host of other damages.

WARNING: MAIN BATTERY BREACH DETECTED! ESTIMATED REMAINING POWER SUPPLY: 2 MINUTES 24 SECONDS!

"Five-Six! Can you hear me?" Severov shouted as he ran through the thick mud, over the corpses of enemy soldiers and T-dolls towards the past Élan's body. The steel-blue-haired doll was surrounded by almost two dozen fallen enemy combatants. Her body was riddled with bullet holes and shell fragments, leaking all sorts of fluids from all over.

"Aleksi…?" the past Élan weakly asked, tilting her head towards her handler and team leader.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Five-Six!" Severov said as he dropped to his knees next to the past Élan, examining her damage. "I told you to wait!"

"But I did pretty good, didn't I?" the past Élan asked with an innocent smile, "The mission is a success."

WARNING: MAIN BATTERY BREACH DETECTED! ESTIMATED REMAINING POWER SUPPLY: 1 MINUTES 48 SECONDS!

"Oh, you idiot!" Severov scolded as he unsuccessfully tried to seal the past Élan's battery modules, "You didn't have to do this to yourself, barreling your way through the entire formation like that!"

"…I'm sorry," the past Élan murmured, "Are you upset at me?"

"What? No, of course not!" Severov dismissed as he stared into the past Élan's eyes, "I'm just… worried about you."

WARNING: MAIN BATTERY BREACH DETECTED! ESTIMATED REMAINING POWER SUPPLY: 1 MINUTES 02 SECONDS!

"Aleksi…" the past Élan began to ask, "What does it feel like to run out of power?"

"Five-Six?"

"I'm a bit scared, Aleksi."

WARNING: MAIN BATTERY BREACH DETECTED! ESTIMATED REMAINING POWER SUPPLY: 0 MINUTES 45 SECONDS!

"Don't be scared, Five-Six," Severov said, trying his best to comfort the T-doll. "Everything will be fine. I'll protect you."

"Aleksi…" the past Élan said again, "Remember when you told me to pick out a name for myself?"

"Huh?"

"Élan," the past Élan said, "It stands for 'momentum.' Don't you think it's a fitting name?"

"Momentum…" Severov echoed, "Élan… Of course, Élan, it's a beautiful name."

WARNING: MAIN BATTERY BREACH DETECTED! ESTIMATED REMAINING POWER SUPPLY: 0 MINUTES 12 SECONDS!

"Élan," the past Élan repeated with a faint smile, "When I wake up again, make sure I remember this name…"

And with that moment, Élan was truly born.

"Aleksi, should I put the device here or by the wall?" the past Élan asked, holding a large white crate with both hands.

"Put it by the wall," Severov responded, "We'll have to connect it to the wall socket later anyways."

"With respect, Aleksi, I'm not sure I understand what I'm doing here," the past Élan stated, walking over to Severov after putting down the crate.

"What do you mean? We're here to help set up an ELID treatment centre."

"Yeah, I know that. What I mean is, why me? I'm a tactical doll."

"Tell me, Élan," Severov began, turning to face his T-doll. "What are you fighting for?"

"Huh?"

"Why do you fight?" Severov asked again, "What drives you to put yourself in danger over and over again on the battlefield?"

"I mean… I'm a tactical doll? It's my job to fight? I follow orders?" the past Élan offered.

"That's not a good reason, Élan," Severov told her, "What if I told you to shoot everyone in this room here?"

"W-what?" the past Élan asked, "You wouldn't do that!"

"You don't know that," Severov replied, crossing his arms. "What if your future employer told you to do it?"

"That's illegal…" the past Élan protested, "I wouldn't do it!"

"The Holocaust, the Middle East, what they did to the intercontinental railway protestors in Moscow," Severov listed, "Those were all illegal too."

"What are you trying to say?" the past Élan asked, furrowing her brow.

"The thing is, Élan," Severov said with a sigh, "A lot of times people don't get to choose if they want to do something or not. Especially dolls like you. But during those rare opportunities where you do have a choice…"

"…Make sure to do the right thing."

"The right thing…" the past Élan echoed.

"But of course, in order to know what the right thing is, you have to know what you're fighting for," Severov said, "That's why I asked you the question."

"But… Does it really matter for a doll like me?" the past Élan questioned, "All the emotions and beliefs I experience… They're not real."

"And what's the missing thing that makes your emotions not real?" Severov asked, "The warm feeling you had when we first met, the jubilation you felt when you broke the company firing drill record, the belonging you felt when you finally chose a name for yourself. Why can't they be real?"

The past Élan fell silent.

"You've got a long way to go," Severov said, patting the past Élan on the shoulder, "Not as a tactical doll, but as a 'person.' But I believe you'll get there one day."

"One day…" the past Élan repeated, "One day…"

With each passing day, Élan learned more and more about the world, and herself.

"Élan, you know this is wrong!" the man begged, "Don't do this to yourself!"

Élan weakly reached an arm towards Severov; the distance between them felt like an uncrossable abyss. Her cherished memories had given way again to the moment where it all went wrong. As a T-doll, Élan had always accepted the fact that she would "die" many times throughout her existence; it was part of the package of being a T-doll. What she feared more than her death, was that of the humans she worked with and cared about, humans like Aleksi Severov. How cruel is it, then, that she found him staring at the barrel of her own gun?

"…I'm so sorry," Élan and the mirror image behind her whispered.

"Fire!"

"Élan! Élan!" a voice called out, rousing Élan from her sobbing.

"Acre…?" Élan asked, sniffling.

"Élan!" Acre called out again, "What's going on? You were gone for a few seconds!"

"A few seconds, huh?" Élan replied with a weak laugh, "I feel like I've been gone for a few years."

"What?" Acre asked, "Anyway, I wanted to- I wanted to apologize for what I said just now… I was out of line."

"Forget about it," Élan sullenly responded, "You were right."

"Huh?"

"You were right about it all."

"Élan…?" Acre questioned, "What happened?"

"I've been running," Élan began after a while, "I've been running from a past I wanted to forget."

"A past I was ashamed of, a past where I was scared to do the right thing. I thought that if I could just drown myself in my duties, if I could surrender my agency, then I wouldn't be reminded of the past. But every day I see the same thing play out over and over again, everywhere I went, everywhere I looked, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it. So I ran."

"Élan…" Bluebell began, at a loss for words.

"I ran, because everyone around me was running too. I guess we thought if we ran far enough and for long enough, we would eventually get away from it all. But where did we end up? Every day we stray further from who we were, from what we believe. We've run for so long that the moment we stop and look around, there's nothing left around us. For so long, that we've forgotten how to do anything but run."

"Running is easy. It's difficult to fight," Élan concluded, her voice slowly regaining its composure.

"But I don't want to run anymore."