Chapter 13: Admissions and Secrets

29 BBY, Coruscant

It had been six long months since Starlet's fateful meeting with her sister. She had woken up in her own bed at the Temple, her Master seated right beside her. Since then, the girl had tried to come to peace with the events of that night, to no avail. That's why she had asked Siri to help her meditate again.

"Alright, Starlet," Master Tachi began upon Starlet's arrival, already seated in the meditation room. "Take your seat across from me. Legs crossed." The Padawan followed her Master's instructions wordlessly. She had been quieter than usual since the incident. "Now, close your eyes. Relax. Clear your mind of any present concerns or worries. Reach out with…" Siri paused mid-sentence. She had sensed something in her apprentice's mind. Something that was making relaxation impossible. "Something on your mind?" She waited for an answer, though the girl's only response was a slight grimace. "Is there something you wanted to tell me?" Siri asked slowly, wanting to help Starlet in any way she could.

"Yeah," Starlet admitted with a heavy sigh. It would be good to finally get this off her shoulders. "It's about the fight I had with Nebula."

Siri raised an eyebrow, a bit surprised that anything regarding the fight she had watched on the security footage could possibly be bothering her apprentice. "What about it?" she inquired. "You did amazing. What you did was very brave."

"It's not that," Starlet began. "During the fight, when she cut my arm, I got… angry," she admitted sheepishly. "And I sort of lost control. I'm supposed to be in control of my emotions, not a slave to them. I'm a Jedi!"

Despite her Padawan's emotional distress, Siri was impressed that something like this was bothering her. "You're a Jedi-in-training," she gently reminded her apprentice. "There are fewer expectations on you. And besides," she continued with the extreme uniqueness of the girl in mind, "you're a twenty-three-year-old whose thoughts and emotions are being filtered through a brain that is physically only four years old. You got injured, and your mind reacted in a way natural to you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. But I'm proud that you had the instinct to be upset about it, and that you worked up the courage to come clean."

The anxiety Starlet had been feeling for the last six months melted away in an instant. "Thank you, Master," she said with a smile.

Siri was glad that her apprentice had calmed down, but she had some questions that she had been holding onto since the incident. "Out of curiosity, what were you able to learn about Nebula?"

Starlet thought back to the encounter with her sister. "She uses her emotions to fuel her actions," she explained. "It makes her physically stronger, but it also tires her out quickly. All things considered, we're evenly matched. If it were to come down to it, I don't think I'd be able to kill her," she admitted, a bit darkly. "And even if I could overpower her, I couldn't land the final blow. I don't feel any sort of attachment to her, but it would still be like…" Her voice trailed off as she tried to think of a way to express her thoughts.

"Like striking yourself down?" Siri offered, being fully aware of the two girls being identical aside from Starlet's cybernetic arm.

"Yeah, I guess so," Starlet concurred with a slight shrug.

"Well, hopefully, it won't come to that," Master Tachi said, not wanting her charge to get injured any further than she already was. Meanwhile, an idea had formed in her mind. "Tell you what. How about, for a while, we keep you inside the Temple as much as possible? Focus even more intently on your training? That way, even if she wanted to confront you, she'd have to get through the entire Jedi Order first. And who knows? Given enough time, she could give up. Decide it's not worth the effort."

Starlet pondered her Master's proposal. While she very much enjoyed her excursions to other areas of Coruscant, it was also true that trouble kept finding her while she was out. And if Nebula really was hunting her, she would be far safer inside the Temple. "I suppose it's possible," she finally admitted, albeit a bit reluctantly. "Sounds like a plan."

"Is there something you'd like to focus on specifically?" Siri asked her student, knowing that Starlet likely wanted to prepare for any future encounters with her enigmatic twin.

Starlet considered her teacher's inquiry for a few seconds before a detail of the fight resurfaced in her mind. "Nebula was using two lightsabers," the Padawan recalled. "I only use one. It was kind of hard to keep up," she admitted.

Siri had a feeling this line of thought would come up. Dual-wielding lightsabers was hard enough to get the hang of, but defending against a user of the technique was even more challenging. "Did you want to train in Jar'Kai as well?" the Master offered, using the formal name of the specialized saber form.

"Not so much to use it," Starlet answered, "as how to fight against it."

Master Tachi's thoughts were perfectly on the mark. Starlet was very much comfortable wielding a single blade; she simply wanted to know more about defending herself against it. "I think I know of someone who can help with that," she began thoughtfully, the highly skilled Master Beq immediately coming to mind. "I'll have to set up a meeting with Kelleran. Now," the Jedi continued, still detecting some amount of anxiety within her pupil, "I sense you're still nervous about something."

In truth, Starlet's memory of her last meditation session was still vivid in her mind. She hadn't been in this room since her lesson with Qui-Gon, the trauma from her premonition preventing her from coming anywhere near the meditation room. "Last time I meditated, it didn't exactly end well," she admitted.

Siri had wondered how Starlet had handled the memory of her premonition nearly four years prior. "Premonitions are typically quite rare," she explained, trying her best to help her apprentice set aside her fears, "so you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Now, back to your position. Close your eyes, and clear your mind." Starlet obeyed the Master's instructions, assuming a perfect meditative pose. Siri could tell that the girl was already significantly calmer than before. "Reach out into the Living Force around you. Listen to what it has to say. Even the smallest molecule in the slightest imperfection of the Temple wall could hold a universe's worth of information. Untold stories, never experienced by anyone or anything else."

With her explanation finished, Siri noticed that Starlet had been in a deep trance for a few seconds already, long before the Jedi had stopped talking. Master Tachi experimentally waved a hand in front of Starlet's face, and she was met with absolutely no response. She could feel the Force gathering around her Padawan, and she watched in awe as the still inexperienced Jedi-in-training began levitating just above her seat. "Well, I'd say that worked quite well," the Master whispered to herself."

Siri accompanied her meditating apprentice in silence for a few minutes before she sensed someone approaching. Turning to the door, Siri was hardly surprised to see the young Togruta Initiate preparing to knock on the doorframe. "Well, hello, Ahsoka!" Master Tachi greeted the girl. "I'm sorry to say, but Starlet's a bit preoccupied."

Ahsoka was unbothered by her friend's inability to spar with her. Instead, she gazed upon the girl's levitating form, utterly awestruck. "Is that what actual, proper meditation looks like?" she wondered aloud.

"Sometimes," Siri responded with a smile, charmed by Ahsoka's innate curiosity. "The levitation aspect happens for some, and doesn't for others. It mostly depends on how deep your trance is. I highly doubt Starlet is aware of anything inside this room at the moment," she admitted, though she couldn't be absolutely sure of it.

A few seconds went by before Ahsoka inevitably broke the silence in the room. "Can I try?" she asked. The Togruta girl had attempted meditation before, but without anyone actively instructing her, she had repeatedly failed to enter the required trance.

"I don't see why not," the Master replied with a shrug. "Come, young one. Take a seat." Ahsoka ran over to another seat. Siri noted the girl's boundless energy; this exercise would likely be more complicated than the Initiate realized. "Cross your legs, just like Starlet. Close your eyes, and clear your mind." Ahsoka followed the instructions as well as she could, but her mind refused to quiet down. "Reach out…" The Jedi watched in amusement as the Togruta's arm shot out in front of her. "Not literally. With the Force."

Ahsoka quickly lowered her arm again. "Right. Sorry," she muttered under her breath, embarrassed by her own misunderstanding of the instructions.

"Anyway…" Siri began playfully, before realizing what exactly was happening. "Your mind is buzzing," she stated, having sensed the child's unceasing energy.

With a sigh, Ahsoka's shoulders slumped downward, and her eyes opened. "I've never been good at settling down," she admitted, disappointed in herself for failing the exercise for the tenth time.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of," the Master chided gently, picking up on Ahsoka's suddenly depressed mood. "I wish I had half of your energy. There may be things that Starlet can do that you can't. But the reverse is true as well," she offered, although she didn't have any specific examples to provide. "You'll find your place, Ahsoka. For now, I sense that your time may be better spent elsewhere. Go on. And may the Force be with you."

"Yeah," Ahsoka replied halfheartedly. "You too." She slowly moseyed her way out of the meditation room, headed back to her quarters to think.

Siri continued watching over Starlet, mostly oblivious to the distress she had accidentally caused for Ahsoka. She was dimly aware that someone else was around, but her focus was entirely on her Padawan. Until the other presence finally spoke up.

"Very few young Jedi are able to meditate like that," Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi said, leaning against the doorframe.

Master Tachi turned in surprise to the newcomer, trying to ignore the odd jump her heart made. "She was worried about premonitions," she explained, quickly gathering her composure. "And she admitted that she lost control during her duel with her sister. Due to her anger. At least she knew to be upset about it. Starlet really does try to keep her emotions in check," Siri added empathetically.

"I wish Anakin would do the same," Obi-Wan quipped. He'd been trying to work on that with his own Padawan for a while, but Anakin seemed to prefer to take advantage of his emotions. Usually to his own detriment.

Siri allowed herself a playful smile. "Everyone does," she said with an eye roll.

The two Jedi shared a chuckle, then flinched as a mighty crashing sound rang through the outer hallway. "Well, I just stopped by to see what was going on," Obi-Wan explained, having a strong idea where the noise had come from. "I sense my Padawan has accidentally destroyed something. Again. Farewell, Master Tachi," he said with a slight bow. "May the Force be with you." With that, the Jedi Knight turned away and rushed to see what kind of trouble Anakin was getting into this time.

"Of course," Siri replied long after Obi-Wan was out of earshot, feeling an odd sort of disappointment in his departure. Filing away the weird reaction deep inside her mind, she turned her attention back to Starlet, still deep in meditation. The Master supposed that her apprentice was likely entirely unaware of the goings-on in the room, far too focused on things beyond most beings' comprehension.

Siri was wrong. Starlet had been paying attention the entire time. She had seen Ahsoka try - and fail - to meditate. She had felt her friend's disappointment and slight jealousy. Her Master's pride in the little Padawan. And she definitely detected the fluttering of Siri's heart in Obi-Wan's presence. The girl didn't understand what that meant, but she was sure she'd find out someday. For the time being, Starlet reached out further with the Force, continuing to hear the story of a small animal living on a lower level of Coruscant. She had been quite invested in the creature's tale that, more than likely, no one else would ever hear.