"Kaoru, do… do you…?" Hikaru sighed as he sat down on the bed beside Kaoru.
"What is it?" Kaoru didn't look up at him, scared of what Hikaru might be asking.
"There's someone you like, isn't there?"
"There are plenty of people I like."
"I mean romantically."
"Well…"
"Don't lie to me, Kaoru, I saw you kiss him."
Kaoru winced, even though Hikaru's voice was soft. No, because his voice was too soft; soft to the point of almost being devoid of emotion. "He kissed me, but I…"
"I don't know what his name is, and I don't care to learn, but, Kaoru…" Hikaru moved then, embracing Kaoru from behind and Kaoru tensed in surprise. "Why him?"
"He's hot, and he pays attention to me. He knows me; he can tell us apart and would never see us as interchangeable."
"Kaoru, I always knew I would have to share you some day, but I thought it would be with a girl. That's normal, isn't it? But I don't think I can share you with a guy! So, if it has to be a guy for you, why can't it be me?"
"Hika-" Kaoru was cut off as Hikaru kissed him. They had kissed before, but it was always soft, chaste pecks as a part of their twincest acting. This wasn't acting, and Hikaru's kiss was far from chaste.
Kaoru's lips parted as he gasped in surprise, and Hikaru took the chance to thrust his tongue inside Kaoru's mouth. It was then that Kaoru noticed Hikaru was crying, so he pulled away. "Hikaru?" His hand cupped a cheek so similar to his own as his thumb wiped away tears.
"I can't lose you, Kaoru, I can't! I know that nothing can break our bond; that we have to grow up and marry and have families of our own! I know that!But it does nothing to calm the fear, and seeing you with a guy like that, when I had no idea you even like guys, it… It felt like I was losing you! Are you going to date him?"
"I don't know; he asked me out but I haven't given him an answer yet. Because of you; I'd never date anyone behind your back, or anyone you do not approve of." Kaoru sighed. "But, Hikaru, do you like guys as well?"
"No, I don't. With you, I'll be fine, but I don't think I could have sex with any other guy; just with you. Is that wrong? I know it's wrong, but Kaoru, please, give me a chance…"
Kaoru was lying flat on his back now, though he had no memory of moving or of being shoved down, and Hikaru was above him, his tears falling down onto Kaoru's skin like hot rain.
When Hikaru kissed him again, Kaoru was ready for him, and even though he had only ever thought about having sex with Hikaru as a passing flight of fancy; something he had never given any serious thought to; being kissed by his twin did not feel wrong.
They needed to let go of their toxic codependency; they needed to expand their worlds, and date, fall in love, get married, have kids, but for the first time since he had realized he was maturing faster than Hikaru, Kaoru realized that they did not need to rush. That they should take everything one step at a time; that they should find true friends outside of the Host Club and Haruhi before they consider dating anyone…
Kaoru pushed Hikaru away. "What about Haruhi?"
"Huh?" Hikaru frowned. "Are you saying that you like her? If you do, I have no problems sharing you with her; we can forget any of this happened…"
"No." Kaoru cut Hikaru off with a soft press of fingers against lips. "I'm asking how you feel about her."
"She's cute, and I do think about her when I'm alone, but I'm not ready for a girlfriend. I'm barely even ready to let you have a girlfriend."
"So you have no plans to ask her out?"
"None at all." Hikaru frowned. "Why are you asking?"
"You just seem to be in love with Haruhi, at least a little."
"Yeah, I think I am, but I love you more. The idea of her dating someone else, even if that someone is Tamaki, hurts less than the idea of you dating a guy."
"Oh, Hikaru…" When Hikaru leaned in again, Kaoru gave in completely, and he was not surprised when Hikaru kissed his neck instead of his lips. "Do you have condoms?"
"Yes, I do." Hikaru blushed softly as he pushed Kaoru's shirt up and kissed his way down the center of Kaoru's chest.
"Oh!" Kaoru gasped as a tongue flicked across his nipple; not because he was surprised, or even because it felt good; though it did feel good, far better than he had ever expected; but because he was getting hard at Hikaru's hand. Even when he had decided to give Hikaru a try, he hadn't been certain by any means that the experiment would be a success.
Hikaru looked up at him, and Kaoru had a moment when he couldn't breathe, he was so turned on by the heat in those so-familiar amber eyes, coupled with how sexy Hikaru looked just then.
Then Hikaru turned his attention south, and Kaoru remembered Hikaru's confession that he was straight, and generally did not like guys, so he wondered if what he felt was one-sided. If Hikaru could go through with touching, kissing, caressing that part of him; the part that made him physically male.
His fears proved fruitless as Hikaru did not hesitate to slide his hand down over the tent in Kaoru's pants before pulling said pants down and taking Kaoru into his mouth.
"Hikaru…"
He pulled back. "Is this okay? If I'm moving too fast I can stop."
Kaoru shook his head no. "No, you're not moving too fast, I just… I only realized I like boys when Kosuke kissed me, and I've never played with my ass, so I don't think we can become one today. Also, I never realized just how sexy you are, Hikaru, so I'm not going to last long with your mouth against me."
Hikaru slowly nodded. "I thought… I've seen you look at guys so many times, and for the past year you wanted privacy for those acts, so I thought you knew and fantasized about boys. I was planning… But if you're not ready in any sense, I won't force it."
"I'm bi, not gay, I do like women. My wanting privacy was just a step towards us being independent, not because I wanted to watch gay porn or play with my ass."
"So I can't finger you?"
"Not yet; we will need lube and… t-toys, to get me prepared. Unless you want to…?"
"No, I can be on top when it's you, but even with you the thought of having anything inside my ass…" Hikaru shuddered.
"I understand." Kaoru cupped Hikaru's cheek, and he sighed. "Hikaru, I love you, I love you so much."
"I love you too, Kaoru."
"What if we fall in love? What will happen then?"
"I don't know. Are you in love with me?"
"I don't know."
"Neither do I. So why worry about that now?" Hikaru took Kaoru back into his mouth before he could reply, because neither of them had an answer and he knew that. He also knew that they didn't need to have all the answers, and that sometimes things needed to be taken a day at a time. This was one of them.
When Kaoru came moments later, he swallowed all of it, and kissed his way back up Kaoru's body. "Why did you ask me about condoms if you aren't ready for intercourse?"
"Because I forgot for a moment that I'm not a girl, and that anal hurts. I was so wrapped up in the moment that I just forgot."
"You forgot…?" Hikaru frowned in confusion, and Kaoru had a moment's fear before Hikaru spoke again. "Do you want to be a girl?"
"I don't know." Kaoru turned away.
"Do you want me to help you find out?"
"I don't know if you can help, but you can listen. Will you listen when I need you too?"
"Yes, of course I will. You're my twin, but that doesn't mean you have to be my brother. I'd rather have a sister than a brother in pain."
"Hikaru." It was Kaoru's turn to cling to him, though Kaoru did not cry. He clung to Hikaru until Hikaru grew bored and began to soften Kaoru up with fresh kisses.
"I haven't cum yet, so please…" Hikaru grabbed a bottle of lube from a hidden compartment on the headboard. "Trust me."
"I told you…"
"You said not to enter you; but there is more men can do together with a little lube than anal."
"What do you have in mind?"
The lube was cold as it drizzled over both of them after Hikaru pulled his own pants down, then he fluffed Kaoru back up to full mast and took them both in hand. "Is this okay?"
"Yeah, it is." When his hips began to rock, Hikaru let go and moved his own hips as he kissed Kaoru again and again, and even though he wasn't inside Kaoru, he felt as though they were still making love.
"Kaoru, I'm gonna…"
"Me too…"
They came almost as one, and Kaoru was panting and spent as Hikaru got them both cleaned up and stripped completely naked before spooning himself around Kaoru. "So Kosuke was it? What will you tell him?"
"Hmm…?"
"The guy who asked you out. You said you never gave him an answer. What are you going to tell him?"
"I'm going to tell him no, that I'm not ready for a boyfriend yet. That you're still too important to me, and I could never hurt you that way."
"Good. Promise me that you won't say yes to anyone without telling me first."
"I promise." Kaoru turned around in Hikaru's arms, and sealed the promise with a kiss.
