CHAPTER 6: Beem me up, Scottie
Leonard decides to take a break from work. He'd been sitting at his desk most of the morning and already was getting a pain in his neck. A cup of fresh coffee and stretching his legs to get it would do him some good.
As he heads down the hallway, he passes Sheldon who is carrying a box.
"Hey, Sheldon. Whatcha got there?"
"I have collected my personal items from my office." Sheldon does not stop as he talks, forcing Leonardo to change direction and follow him down the hall opposite of the break room.
"Why'd you do that?" Leonard asks, mildly curious.
"I have handed in my resignation this morning."
"You…" Leonard blinks. "Wait. You—Sheldon, you quit?"
"That is precisely what I said."
Leonard sighs. This isn't the first time Sheldon has quit his job. He's thrown fits before. This Penny thing has finally gotten to him to the point that he's starting to act irrationally. And here Leonardo thought he had turned a corner these past few days. He had cleaned the apartment of the mess he made, was eating, even went back to focusing on work. But now he's threatened his resignation once more. Leonard gives it a week before Sheldon comes crawling back to the director to not-so-politely demand for his job back.
"Alright, well, do you have a ride home? Some of us have not quit, so I can't drive you back in the middle of the day."
Sheldon's face twitches. "I will wait in the cafeteria."
Leonard decides to press Sheldon. Maybe if he gets Sheldon to realize how stupid he's being now rather than later, Sheldon will ask for his job back sooner rather than go through the hassle of debating for a week. "And what will you do there? Just sit and read a book for six more hours?"
"I have research to do."
"Research? But you just quit. What research are you doing?"
"I have a new line of employment I am looking into."
"Oh yeah? What would that be?"
Sheldon and Leonard have reached the elevator. Sheldon presses the button and the elevator doors open. When he steps inside, Sheldon looks back to Leonard and says, "That has yet to be determined exactly."
The elevator doors close, leaving Leonard alone. He shakes his head, turns, and heads once again to the break room.
True to his word, Sheldon had stayed in the cafeteria. He tapped away on his laptop for hours until Leonard was ready to bring him back to the apartment. Once there, Sheldon locked himself in his room.
Two hours later, Raj and Howard arrive for Thai night. Their arms carry bags of food.
"Anybody hungry?" Howard asks as he sets down his half of the load on the coffee table.
"Starving," Leonard says.
"Where's Sheldon?"
Leonardo shrugs. "Dunno. He's been in his room since we got back." Leonard had already filled in Raj and Howard on Sheldon's claim of quitting his job and his own theory that it won't last. Howard had laughed. Raj, however, had looked concerned, more than Leonard thought he should.
Raj takes a couple steps towards the hallway. "I'll go get him."
"Be my guest," Leonardo says, more than content to not be the one to interrupt whatever controlled chaos Sheldon was wreaking in his room.
Raj tries not to rush as he heads over. Once outside Sheldon's bedroom, he knocks. "Sheldon?"
"Enter."
Raj opens the door to see Sheldon standing over five boxes on the floor of his room. "Hey, Sheldon. Food's here. You, ah, you done with whatever it is you are doing?"
Sheldon looks up from the boxes and seems pleased to see Raj. "Ah. Koothrappali. I was hoping you would be over soon. I have boxed up my entire collection along with the mint-condition Flash action figure. How would you like to proceed with transferring them over to your apartment?"
Raj's eyes widen. "You were serious about that?"
Sheldon appears almost hurt at the accusation. "Of course. I gave you my word. You held up your end of the bargain, and now I am fulfilling mine. Now, I have them organized first, of course, by company. You can't have DC next to Marvel. It just won't do. Then alphabetically. I'm sure this will be easy enough to…"
Raj stops listening as Sheldon rambles on about his system. Ever since last night, Raj had been sure Sheldon would find a way of getting out of the agreement. Even when he made it, Raj didn't think Sheldon was serious. Apparently, he was. And Raj is getting the entire collection. How does he explain that to Howard and Leonard, who have been eyeing the collection for years?
This is going to be awkward.
Two hours later, lots of questions, and very little explaining later, Howard, Raj, Leonard, and Sheldon are at Raj's apartment dropping off the boxes.
"I still can't believe you get everything," Howard grumbles as he dumps the last box into Raj's living room. Sheldon had gone back down to the car to get the action figure which he didn't trust to pack with the rest of the loot.
Leonard has had a permanent sour look on his face since Sheldon first came forward and declared in the middle of eating Thai food that after supper they would need to help Raj move boxes to his place. Boxes of what? Why, the entirety of Sheldon's comic book collection, of course. This declaration was not met with warm reception.
"All this because you let him look through the telescope for thirty seconds?" Howard asks for the fifth time.
Raj shrugs. "He was laser focused. I didn't think he was serious about the collection. I figured he would be disappointed when he didn't see anything then try and get out of giving me all his stuff. I never thought he would willingly part with it!"
Leonard sighs as he rifles through one of the boxes. "Are you willing to part with any of these?"
"Nice try, dude."
"Worth a shot."
"What did he see, do you think?" Howard asks.
Raj has thought about this. All logical explanations include known phenomena. Perhaps a shooting star or a comet (though unlikely). A weather balloon? Maybe Sheldon really changed his ways of thinking and instead decided he would read his fortune in the stars and wanted to see the actual stars to get a good reading because he's thorough like that.
But none of that explained his comment of "Star Trek". Raj would rather not think about that particular implication. Sheldon can't actually believe…
"I don't know," Raj says. "You'd have to ask him."
When Sheldon comes through the door a couple minutes later, Howard does exactly that. Sheldon looks at him curiously. He hands Raj the action figure.
"I was simply confirming a theory," Sheldon gives as a non-answer.
"What theory?" Leonard asks. "Is that…Sheldon, is your theory, whatever you're working on, the reason you quit today?"
"Like I said, I have a new line of employment I am looking into."
"Astronomy?" Howard asks.
Sheldon gives Howard a look that says he is unsure if he's being mocked or not. "Perhaps," is all he ends up saying. "Now, Raj, would you care to have me put away your comics? I realize I have them all set correctly in the boxes, but I am quite capable of setting them in a perfect order."
"You just don't trust that I'll put them away to your liking," Raj accuses.
Sheldon's face twitches. "They are…your comics now. You may put them away how you like. I am simply offering my services."
Raj sighs. "Sure, go ahead."
Sheldon bobs his head, pleased, takes the first box, and disappears into Raj's room.
Raj flops down onto the couch. "Maybe this was a bad idea."
"What, letting him look into a telescope for thirty seconds in exchange for a nearly priceless collection?" Howard says sarcastically. "I'd say it was the best idea ever."
"I'd still like to know what he needed that was so important," Leonard says.
Raj sighs. "Same, dude. Same."
Leonard keeps waiting for Sheldon to panic, beg for his job back, and go back to his normal routine. But no. He's sticking to this…this…this whatever it is he's doing.
Throughout the next few days, Sheldon has meticulously catalogued everything he owns. He has put sticky notes on things, color coordinated of course. He occasionally asks Leonard a few questions about mutually purchased items—the cutlery, furniture, and so on. Leonard says it's a fifty-fifty ownership just to see how Sheldon will categorize that with whatever it is he's doing.
Leonard finds out on anything-can-happen Thursday what it is exactly that Sheldon is doing when he sits Raj, Howard, and Leonard down on the couch as Sheldon stands before them with a clipboard and the whiteboard beside him.
Then he starts listing off all his belongings and who gets what.
"Wait, wait, wait." Howard says as Sheldon tells him he gets "all space-themed memorabilia outside of Star Trek and Star Wars merchandise". "What are you doing, Sheldon? First, your comic book collection to Raj, now this? What's going on? I mean, I still want your stuff, and I'll gladly take it, but why?"
"I am downsizing," Sheldon says. "I no longer require these items, nor am I able to take them in my new career. Therefore, the next logical conclusion would be to pass them along to people who would appreciate them. Obviously, neither George nor Missie would understand the respect needed for such items. Therefore, my friends would be the next best option. It's this or selling them on the internet. However, considering I do not need the money, I am more inclined to give them to you."
Leonard cuts in now. "What do you mean you can't take them? What's your job that you can't take your stuff or leave it behind and come back to?"
"Are you going to Antarctica again?" Raj asks.
"I am not. I will explain my new job in due time." Sheldon taps the clipboard with his pen. "Now if you will listen, you will hear what you receive."
"I already have your comic book collection," Raj says.
"That was an exchange. A deal. This, however, is more akin to inheritance."
"You're dying?!" Leonard squawks.
"No!" Sheldon's sigh is accompanied by rolling his eyes. "Would you all please gather your patience? Now is not the time to ask these questions. Saturday night will be when I explain all."
"What happens Saturday?" Howard asks.
"A non-negotiable friendship obligation where you all will drive out with me to the desert at a prearranged time and location."
Three voices air their displeasure at this. They talk over one another to the point that Sheldon's eye twitches and his mouth quirks up in a sneer.
"Enough!" He says sharply. "Fine. It seems you all need an incentive beyond friendship. None of you will get my things unless you are there on Saturday night."
More unhappiness but not as loudly spoken.
"That's more like it. Now, if you all will be quiet and listen, I'll continue."
"Yes, hello?" Mary Cooper picks up the phone.
"Mom?"
"Shelly!" Mary smiles and settles herself in her chair. "Hello, darling, how are you?"
"I am doing well."
Mary glances at the calendar hanging on the kitchen wall. "This isn't your usual preset time for a call. Is anything the matter, Shelly-belly?"
"Nothing is the matter. However, my job requires me to take another trip starting this Saturday. I will be out of range of communication for quite some time and wish to bid you farewell now."
"You going to Antarctica again?" Mary asks.
Her son huffs into the phone. "Why do people continue to ask me that question? No, I am not going back to Antarctica. However, it is quite far and as the time draws nearer, I find myself anxious to leave. I was hoping, as my mother, you had wisdom to impart regarding not seeing friends nor family for…for an extended period of time."
Mary smiles to herself. Her sweet boy certainly has a funny way of saying he's going to miss her and others close to him. "Well, that's a tough one, Sheldon. It's hard to be apart from the people you love. I suppose you should tell the person you will miss them, and they will say they will miss you too. You could maybe thank them for their part in your life. Then tell them you look forward to seeing them again. Dealing with missing people is helped when the goodbye is a good one."
"I see." There is a brief pause before Sheldon speaks again. "Mother, I will miss you as I depart for my new occupation."
Mary leans further back into the comforting lazyboy chair that still has George Sr.'s imprint after all these years. "I'm going to miss you too, Sheldon."
"I want to extend my thanks to you for being my mother."
"It's been the greatest honor being your mother, Shelly."
"And…I love you, mom."
Tears spring up unbidden in Mary's eyes. "I love you too, Sheldon. I always have and I always will."
There's another stretch of quiet on the line where Mary suspects her son is sitting in much the same emotion she is, albeit in his own way.
"Thank you for talking with me. It has been quite insightful," Sheldon finally says, breaking the silence. "I need to go call MeeMaw now."
"Did you call your siblings? If you're going to be gone as long as you say, you better call them too."
Sheldon sighs. "Yes, ma'am. I will."
"Good boy. Alright, Sheldon. I love you. You be safe on this trip now, you hear?"
"I will. Goodbye, mother."
"Goodbye, Sheldon."
It's not until about half an hour after the phone call ends that Mary realizes Sheldon said I love you instead of taking the final piece of her advice and telling the other person he will look forward to seeing them again.
Howard keeps telling himself the stuff Sheldon is going to give him is worth it as he sits shotgun in Leonard's car while they drive in the dead of night out into the desert on a Saturday.
Howard briefly thinks how great a spot it would be for a murder and to hide a body. Maybe Sheldon is planning on enacting some sort of revenge on them and giving away all his stuff was just a carrot on a stick to bring them out here. Then again, there's three against one. Sheldon would be the one who might disappear in the desert.
Glancing into the backseat, he sees Sheldon staring out the window. Raj, who had been looking rather quizzically at Sheldon, turns his eyes to Howard who quirks an eyebrow at him. Raj shrugs. Howard moves to once again face forward in his seat.
"You sure about the location, Sheldon?" Leonard asks for the fifth time as he continues driving on a maintenance road to nowhere.
"I am certain."
Leonard doesn't appear comforted by Sheldon's confidence.
Howard feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up as he stares out into the inky black of the desert. No streetlights. No houses in the distance. Only the headlights illuminating their way a few feet ahead of them. If Howard wasn't about to get half of Sheldon's action figures, all of his space memorabilia, and his plethora of online gaming weaponry, Howard would not be sitting where he is now.
He's still a little bitter about getting only half the action figure collection, but Leonard got the most out of the deal considering he's Sheldon's "best friend" (cough-cough-babysitter-cough). Howard holds out hope that he can wheel-and-deal with Leonard later for all of it.
Finally, they reach their destination. The car slows to a crawl before coming to a stop. Leonard looks as creeped out as Howard feels.
"Excellent," Sheldon says, completely unaware of any tension his friends feel. He glances at his watch. "Please exit the vehicle."
"I knew it. He brought us out here to kill us," Howard stage-whispers to Leonard who frowns.
Nonetheless, everyone gets out of the vehicle. Raj, Howard, and Leonard remain close to the vehicle, to the light, to perceived safety while Sheldon takes a couple steps away, glances at the night sky, then at his watch. He pulls that ridiculous binder out of his overstuffed messenger bag, nods, then shoves the thing back in his bag.
"Alright, you got us out here. Now it's your turn," Howard says. "It's time to explain."
Sheldon turns to face his friends. Before he says anything, Raj beats him to it. "It's almost two-thirteen in the morning. That was the time you wanted the telescope. Does that mean something?"
Sheldon smiles, pleased. "You are correct." He digs in his pocket and pulls out a flash drive. He keeps it and brings his hands behind his back to address his friends before him.
"Thank you all for coming out here with me," Sheldon begins. "I understand this is not how you wanted to spend a Saturday. However, being my friend comes with certain privileges—"
Howard tries really, really hard not to scoff. And he doesn't. That noise was a cough.
"—and one of those privileges is being a witness to history. You four will be able to give firsthand accounts of the first true and documented human-alien contact in history."
Ok. Now Howard scoffs. He doesn't only scoff, he laughs. It's a disbelieving, almost angry sound. "You brought us out here in the middle of the desert because you believe we're going to find aliens?"
Leonard heaves the biggest sigh known to man, takes off his glasses, and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Sheldon, you have got to be kidding me."
"I most certainly am not. If you would refrain from your scoffing and allow me to explain, you will see I am not crazy."
Howard crosses his arms and leans back against the car. "This aught to be good." He glances at Raj to share his disbelief, but Raj's expression is decidedly not amused. It's that same quizzical look that he had in the car.
A seed of uncertainty plants itself in Howard's stomach to replace the fear from earlier.
Sheldon proceeds to launch into a rather long, detail-oriented explanation of how Penny was abducted by aliens and that's why she went missing. Apparently, Sheldon was contacted by Penny via the aliens' technology which told him he would see proof in the sky which he did and has proof on flash drive in his hand. Because of this proof, Sheldon has decided he will join Penny and the aliens in whatever they have planned for him instead of remaining on earth.
"Therefore," Sheldon says, concluding his story, "it is my great honor to pass along the first definitive proof of an alien craft to Raj Koothrappali." Sheldon steps forward and places the flash drive in Raj's hand. Raj has still said nothing through this whole interaction. His fingers slowly close around the device.
Sheldon seems to approve of this reverence. He then pulls out a piece of paper and also gives it to Raj. "I have done some research into credible ufologists, astronomers with more opened minds, and a covert government agency researching this as well who have a front that says they are testers of bacteria in canned goods. They most certainly are not. Do not be fooled. I would recommend contacting them last to make sure the proof is not scrubbed from the internet. Keep a hidden copy just in case, but I do believe they will help."
"Are you done?" The quest comes from Leonard.
Sheldon glances at his watch. "I am finished with my speech yes." Sheldon takes four large steps back from his friends. "Truth be told, my space contact did not mention how things would proceed from here. I would recommend keeping a distance from my person. You wouldn't want to be beamed up too. They did not ask for you."
"Yeah, great, ok, fine." Leonard crosses his arms. "And when is all this supposed to take place? Huh?"
Sheldon once again glances at his watch. "In exactly two minutes. In these final moments, I would like to take the time to say how…" Sheldon's voice trails off. He looks at his shoes then back at his three friends. "I will miss you three. Greatly. I hope the impact I have made in your lives is enough to make you miss me as well when I am gone. Thank you for all you have done to ease my—my tensions in life. I truly hope to see you all again someday." Sheldon nods, as if approving of his own goodbye. "If there is anything you wish to say to me in the last minute before I depart, now is the time."
No one says anything for a few seconds. Sheldon's face falls a little.
Then Raj speaks up. "Thank you for sharing this, Sheldon." He holds up the flash drive. "I promise to try my best. And I'm glad we got to be friends."
Sheldon brightens instantly.
Leonard shakes his head, but there's an indulgent smile on his face. "Yeah, I guess it's been fun. Thanks, Sheldon. Glad I got to know you."
Sheldon bobs his head and smiles.
Howard decides to humor him as well. "Hey, thanks for disappearing into the stars and leaving me your stuff. It was considerate of you to think of us before leaving possibly forever."
Sheldon either doesn't notice or doesn't mind the sarcasm in Howard's tone. He simply nods with that same dopey smile.
Then he glances at his watch one last time, stares up at the stars, and starts counting down from seventeen. Everyone listens as the only sound is Sheldon's voice as the numbers slowly go down.
Seven…six…five…four…three…two…one…
There's a bright, white light that instantly overtakes the four standing in the middle of nowhere. It takes several seconds for them to rub their eyes and readjust back to the near black night around them.
And when they do, they find they are one person short.
A tidal wave of realization washes over them, and three very distinct reactions happen at once.
Leonard begins to hyperventilate.
Raj clutches the flash drive to his chest and chants, "Dude…no way…dude…no way…"
And that high-pitched shrieking noise, Howard realizes that is coming from him.
Sheldon's head aches. Truly, painfully aches. He hates the fact that it's still attached to his shoulders. His eyes are screwed shut in response to the pain. Moving sounds terrible with the amount of pain he's in.
Did he mention the pain?
But his arm is kind of twisted in an uncomfortable position, and he wants to move it. He does but this causes a wave of nausea as he shifts only an inch, but it's enough to make bile churn in his stomach. The dizzy ache in his brain causes tension behind his eyes.
He isn't quite sure what to do right now. Sheldon is in pain and overstimulated and can't concentrate on anything.
"Easy, there. You're going to be fine, sweetie. Don't move just yet. Trust me, it's the worst."
Penny.
Sheldon's mind now has something to concentrate on. It tries fighting through the turmoil in order to focus on the sound he's been desperate to hear in person. That arm he was trying to move reaches out and connects with another, smaller hand that squeezes his own.
The pain in Sheldon's head is slowly being conquered. Sheldon tries opening his eyes. He blinks from his place lying on the floor. It's bright, oppressively bright, wherever he is. A figure blocks part of the light, and that's what he tries to focus on. More blinking. With each blink, the figure comes into focus.
Yes, that's Penny.
"Penny," Sheldon hears himself say.
Penny's bright smile is in contrast to the tears streaming down her face. "Hi, Sheldon. Thanks for coming."
Sheldon frowns at her. Did she think he wouldn't? "Of course."
This seems to strike something in Penny because she suddenly breaks down sobbing and practically throws herself on top of Sheldon despite his current physical struggles. It's a few moments of fumbling where Sheldon finally sits up, despite his nausea and still slightly-pained skull, and Penny sobs on his shoulder with her arms wrapped around him. Sheldon finds he doesn't mind. After several dark moments of thinking he might never see Penny again, a few unsanitary tears can be ignored.
Sheldon wraps his arms around her as well and revels in the warmth of her body. He lets his whole body feel the relief of knowing she's alive and well.
When she does pull away, she takes part of the sleeve of what she's wearing, a unique, lavender garment, and wipes her nose and eyes with it. "Hey, so," she sniffs, "wanna meet our hosts?"
Sheldon nods. Penny helps Sheldon to his feet and brings him over to the door at the far side of the blindingly bright white room.
"You sure you're ready?"
"Penny," Sheldon says in his usual exasperated tone when she asks what he perceives to be an obvious question, "you've given me over a week of preparation. That is more than enough time for me to prepare."
Penny smiles. Before she opens the door, she leans up and kisses Sheldon's cheek. Sheldon gives a small sigh in response.
"Same old Sheldon," Penny laughs before pulling Sheldon through the doorway.
A/N: Penny's perspective next chapter. It's about time!
